From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 18:14:08 -0600
Subject: DANA\'S DREAMLAND I - 01/04 by Reality
Source: direct

Reply To: bigbrat19@earthlink.net


Title: Dana's Dreamland I - 01/04
Author: Reality
Email: bigbrat19@earthlink.net
Archive: yes please
Category: X-X-files 
Rating: PG 
Spoilers: Christmas Carol/Emily
Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST, Emily

Summary: A very intense dream and an early morning 
call from Mulder will lead Scully on a journey 
destined to change her life.


Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder, 
Scully and any other X-Files characters used are 
Chris Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to 
him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm getting no money from this; 
it's all in fun.

<<<<<<<<<<<><<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


I looked around the dark wooded area. My partner had 
disappeared again. Damn that Mulder, and damn me for 
always being there.

"Mulder" I yelled as strong as I could muster in this 
thick atmosphere. It was followed by a shuffle behind 
me and I spun around in the hope that it was my 
partner and fear that it wasn't.

 "Mulder, is that you," I said a little softer. 
"Mulder, are you trying to scare me."

The unidentified sound moved to the right of me. 
Mulder and I had never had the best luck in the 
woods. Though I knew there was some kind of curse 
that always followed us there, I went anyway. I'd 
never admit it to him, but I was as intrigued by an 
X-File as he was. But then again, there were a lot of 
things I could never seem to put into words and tell 
him. 

Since the only company I seemed to have was that 
sound, I suppressed my fear and walked toward it. 
Though it might have just been my partner, it could 
have been the suspect. I slowly crept through the 
bushes, trying to avoid startling whatever was moving 
through there. I reached for my weapon and clutched 
my flashlight even harder.

On the other side of the bushes, I was shocked to 
find a cabin. A small shadow moved toward it and 
disappeared inside the door. I knew now it wasn't my 
partner, but it wasn't the suspect either. For a 
second I debated if approaching the cabin was the 
best thing and decided it was the only thing to do.

"Mulder, where the hell are you?" I whispered to 
myself. 

I stepped toward the cabin and prepared to fire my 
weapon at any moment, one never knew what they would 
discover on a Mulder outing. Leaning against the 
outside of the door, I pushed it open. Only to find 
myself blinded by a white light. When I could see 
again, I was standing in a nursery. The sound of a 
music box played gently in the background. The figure 
I had watched enter approached me. I knew her as well 
as I knew anyone. And as I looked into her angel face 
my own morphed into shock. My voice also transformed 
into a cracked cry.

"Emily," I said so low that I barely heard myself.  

This had to be a dream, for it was only in my dreams 
that I could see the daughter I had learned to love 
only to lose. She was dressed in a long white gown 
and that along with the light of the room, radiated 
upon her face giving it an angelic glow. She held her 
small hand out to me and I reached for it. It was 
only then that I realized my own outfit had been 
transformed into a similar white gown. In a rational 
moment I might have tried to figure this out. But 
holding the hand of Emily, I didn't really wish to 
question things too much. I followed my child toward 
the mirror; it reflected two children, faces unseen, 
cowering in the corner of the room. Emily let go off 
my hand and pointed to them.

"They need you Mommy," Emily said looking at me. Then 
she herself turned and walked into the mirror.

"Emily," I yelled and walked toward the mirror. But I 
was bared from entering behind her.

"They need you," Emily's voice said again. I turned 
around, searching like a mad woman for the source of 
the voice. It repeated the same phrase again, but 
wherever I turned. It seemed to be coming from the 
other direction.


********************


RING, RING,

The phone beside my bed startled me awake. I was 
still living in the wake of the dream when I heard 
it. However, the phone would not let me fully return 
to my dream world and continue my search.

RING, RING,

"I'm up, I'm up," I said rolling over to grab the 
phone. "Scully," my voice said radiating the anger of 
my broken sleep.

"The sun has risen and you have not," Mulder said on 
the other line. "Alarm clock broken?"

I looked over at my alarm clock; it was still ticking 
away. I should have been up hours ago, why hadn't my 
alarm gone off.

"I don't know what happened Mulder. I'll get there as 
soon as I can."

"Don't bother, we have a plane to catch," my partner 
interjected.

"Oh really, and how long do I have to prepare for 
this flight?" I replied unable to muster the sarcasm 
I wanted to go with the statement.

"I'll be by there in about a half an hour, just get 
ready."

"Are you at least going to tell me about the case?"

"When I get there?" Click. The other end of the phone 
went dead. 

What in the hell had kept me asleep so long? And what 
had Mulder dug out of the trash this time.  And what 
the hell was wrong with me? I had slept for hours, 
but I still wasn't prepared to get up and go 
anywhere--even with Mulder. I knew I had just had a 
very weird dream, but the details had escaped me. 
Emily. Emily had been in the dream, she had said 
something, but the words escaped my head. It would 
come; right now I had to get ready before Mulder got 
here. Didn't want him to see me in these ugly plaid 
pajamas-not that I cared. But hell, I had overslept, 
so my professional image had already had enough 
damage for one day. It's a good thing I keep a bag 
packed for Mulder's spur of the moment trips.

(continued in part II)

Title: Dana's Dreamland II - 02/04
Author: Reality

<<<<<<<<<<<<><<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>



"Dana, Dana" a voice called in the distance. 

I responded to my name immediately and saw my sister 
Melissa standing in the distance, but she was a little 
girl.

"MISSY," I said in shock, receiving a second shock when my 
own unfamiliar voice came out like a chipmunk. My older 
sister, who's death still hung in my mind linked heavily 
with the guilt of knowing she took a bullet meant for me, 
stood before me as a young girl.

"Come on, Mom and Dad are waiting. Dad says we can't eat 
until the families at the table. And you know how Bill gets 
when he has to wait." 

The little girl smiled at me and took my hand. It was only 
then I glanced at my own hand and I realized it was the 
hand of a child. As Melissa lead me toward our family 
setting at the picnic table, all other thoughts disappears. 
I slipped into the warm comfort of being a child, again the 
world was safe, my family was complete. The scene brought 
back a secure warmth from long ago, still sitting somewhere 
in my 'before Mulder' memories-which were often hard to 
recall. I loved Mulder, I really did, but we had become so 
entwined that I sometimes forgot where I ended and he 
began. Mulder wasn't just a friend from work, or my 
partner; he was a twenty four hour a day lifestyle.

But Mulder wasn't home. This sight was home. My two 
brothers, in their long forgotten youthful forms, picked at 
each other. My father, alive and active, reprimanded the 
boys. And my mother, a vibrant YOUNG woman, sat the food 
out at the table, called to us girls, and still managed to 
calmly talk the boys out of their argument. 

"Come on Dana, join your family," Melissa said running off 
toward the picnic table.

With a speed I didn't know I had and excitement I hadn't 
felt in years, I ran toward the family setting. I could 
smell my mother's pies, feel the warm laughter that 
accompanied these meals as we shared or day. For the first 
time since I'd left home I felt like I belonged at a table 
with my family. Just as I reached it, all the people 
dissolved like a mirage in the desert, leaving only the 
table. Adult Melissa materialized in front of me. I checked 
my hands to see if they were still small, but they weren't.

"Fill the table Dana."

"What?"

"Fill the table, you want it full. Don't sit here alone 
forever."

"I don't understand."

"Fill the table," Melissa said turning away. 

She strolled slowly toward a house in the distance. I ran 
after her, but no matter how fast I ran-catching up with 
her slow stroll was impossible. The white light appeared, 
blinding me again. When it dimmed, I saw Melissa in the 
distance, holding Emily's hand. 

"Fill the table Dana," Melissa repeated.

Then the figures dissolved.


*****************


"Scully," my partner's voice said as a gentle stroke to the 
cheek awoke me. 

If there was one time Mulder was gentle, it was when he 
found little excuses like this to touch me. As childish as 
Mulder could be at times, he had never shaken me awake or 
yelled in my ear (though an early morning phone call came 
pretty close). There was always this gentle touch that ever 
so sweetly brought me from dreamland to the real world. I 
had learned many times over the years how gentle those 
hands could be, how they could sweep across you leaving 
tingling sensations in their path. His touch always warmed 
me from the inside out. 

I learned about that touch the first time we met. Despite 
all my assertions that I DO NOT believe in 
extraterrestrial, despite my long list of rationalizations 
against the possibility, I had ran into his room like a mad 
woman upon finding a few bumps on my back that turned out 
to be no more than misquito bites. His touch had been in 
full effect that night, lightly tracing the area in 
question as he examined me, making my body gently tingle in 
ways it hadn't since that first disastrous bout of puppy 
love. I was so shaken, both by fear and him, I couldn't 
wait to hide behind that robe again. And then he began to 
touch me in little ways, placing his hand on my back for 
instance or on my shoulder. His arrogance didn't scare me, 
that touch did. I could compete with him on an intellectual 
level, could battle theories back and forth and every once 
in awhile come up with a colorful quip to counter his. But 
his touch, those gentle hands, I had nothing of equal 
hypnotizing value to hold over him. 

I stretched as best I could. Sleeping in the car seat had 
given me a terrible cramp. My legs felt like dead weight. 
And why was I here? Ghost. Mulder had entertained me on the 
plane with the Romeo and Juliet like tale of kissing 
cousins Mindy and David Brown, without knowledge of this 
blood tie, had met and got involved in high school. By the 
time their fathers--feuding brother's found out, Mindy was 
already pregnant. Each brother blamed the other and got 
into a fight that resulted in them killing each other. When 
Mindy's gay brother turned up dead, she claimed an 
apparition of her father appeared. And she claimed to have 
seen it again when, David, who had been living as her 
husband, 'appeared' to have committed suicide. Now a normal 
Agent would have attributed the brother's death to a hate 
crime (as the cops had done) and believed David Brown's 
suicide was exactly what it appeared to be. But not Mulder, 
he was ready to believe a story about ghost. Even though it 
was possibly the theory of a disturbed woman. A woman who 
had been found incompetent as a mother and had her children 
taken away. And who currently resided in a mental 
institution.

I finally got the energy to push the car door open as some 
of the circulation returned to my legs. Mulder was standing 
there, chipper as ever. Did he have the energy of a five 
year old or what? What bewildered me more than the fact I 
never hung up on him when he called me at three in the 
morning, was that he was up and active at that time. Was he 
on some drug I didn't know about that kept him going like 
the energizer bunny? 

"Glad I finally got you awake," Mulder said leaning on the 
car door. 

Slipping out the car, I stretched my dead legs. I almost 
tumbled from that sleeping leg and Mulder caught me in his 
arms. I got onto my own feet as quickly as possible, not 
wanting to betray myself to my partner. Waking me up was 
one thing, but I wasn't going to take an extended vacation 
lying in his arms.

"You alright Scully," 

"I'm fine," I said knowing full well where that phrase 
always got me. "I've just been having these really powerful 
dreams."

"Scully!" he said with that damn boyish smile and teasing 
tone that implied enough to get his innuendo across. 

Now I wanted to smack him. Mulder had this uncanny ability 
to drive me from one extreme to the other. I either wanted 
to kiss him, smack him, or both, but there was rarely any 
middle ground. No one else could get under my skin like 
Mulder. I could control myself with everyone else. And it 
was just another one of those things I feared and loved 
about him all at once.

"You know I don't mean that," I replied.

"Sure Scully," he said carrying the sarcastic tone I had 
been trying to capture earlier on the phone

"Shut up, Mulder, " I said grabbing my cell phone from the 
car.

As we entered the mental hospital, my body was on 
autopilot, following behind Mulder as we went through our 
usual motions; show badges, ask questions, make people 
think we're crazy---only Mulder could accomplish that with 
a single question. Sure, the woman's in a mental hospital, 
but she's still a credible witness. Yes, we believe she's 
really talking to ghost. Mulder was no fool; I'm not saying 
that, if the conversation warranted it, he could play his 
own skeptic.

Creative, Mulder was a creative investigator. Usually I 
loved watching him work, watching him solve his puzzles. 
And I was his playmate--we were in a constant competition, 
trying to find out who would win the game--though we had to 
work together to reach the end. Today, however, I couldn't 
have concentrated if I wanted to. In the beginning 'Mulder 
land' had been an interesting place, full of surprises, 
mystery and intrigue, now I swore if I saw another dead cow 
slide, I'd break Mulder's projector. Folklore come to life, 
vampires, alien probes, and conspiracy theories---it was 
all a bunch of been there, done that. Every once in awhile, 
the X-Files offered a surprise or two, but I didn't stay 
for the cases anymore, I stayed for him, maybe I always 
had. I knew if I ever quit the FBI or left the X-Files that 
he and I would always be friends. But it wouldn't be the 
same as being partners. As much as I wanted something else 
in my life, it felt good to be needed-depended upon. If it 
was just to talk or to chase after some wild case, he 
called me. I didn't want Mulder giving his 3 a.m. calls to 
anyone else. And then there were those moments, those 
unpredictable moments where we, while discussing a case in 
the hotel room or in a car, had a piece of ourselves leak 
out and reveal itself. And we never realized it, never 
forced it, it just happened.

"Scully," Mulder said when he was finished talking to 
Mindy's psychiatrist.

"Huh," I replied not realizing I had been staring into 
space the whole time.

"You sure you're awake?" he asked so seriously I couldn't 
think of a logical answer. 

I wanted to say, "I'm fine", but I knew he never believed 
that.

"I'm okay Mulder," I finally replied, big difference from 
I'm fine. "Let's go."

He cast me a suspicious glance. I turned away from it and 
headed down the hall. I didn't have a viable explanation to 
give him. He let it go and a few minutes later we were in 
the white walled room of Mindy Brown.

I have to admit the woman looked spooked, all the color had 
been flushed from her face, making her as pale as a ghost. 
Her eyes were boaring into the wall in front of her, though 
they were without expression. It was obvious she wasn't 
with the rest of the world. If I didn't know better, I 
would have said she was a ghost.

"Mindy," Mulder said as he approached her. Despite his 
gentle tone, the girl nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Mr. Mulder, I'm sorry," Mindy said, her voice coming out 
in shivers though it was far from cold.

"This is my partner Dana Scully."

"I'm glad you came, no one else will listen. He came last 
night, telling me losing my children would be my 
punishment. He's taunting me, he knows I can't get to 
them."

"What does he say to you exactly?"

"That his line must end, that that is his punishment for 
killing his brother," Mindy sighed before she continued, 
but her eyes still weren't registering emotion. "He says, 
he was my atrocity has permanatly doomed his line. He 
appears to me in the dream world only. They say it's just a 
manifestation of guilt, but Kayla's seen him too. She's 
only five, she doesn't understand guilt, all she knows is--
. She was perfect, you know---I just knew she was going to 
have two heads or something, but she was perfect. Still, 
David and I, we decided to be safe-not have any more 
children. Than William Michael came along and that's when 
he came to end his line. Everything was fine as long as it 
was only Kayla, but William Michael changed things. I don't 
understand why." Mindy turned to Mulder, her eyes finally 
registering on us. "Your going to see my children today, 
aren't you?"

"Yes," Mulder answered.

"Tell them there mother loves them. And tell them I'm 
sorry; no leave that part out. Just tell them I love them."




Mulder and I were back in the car before I spoke, I knew 
whatever I had to say would lead to the usual song and 
dance, but so be it.

"Mulder, that's woman is very disturbed-I hope your not 
taking her seriously. I mean there's a reason she's here."

"He was a boy."

"What?" I responded.

"His line wasn't in danger of being further disgraced by a 
female child. A woman becomes the burden of whatever family 
she marries."

"Didn't that go out with the idea that all women should be 
barefoot and pregnant?"

Mulder half smiled in response. "Despite my liberated point 
of view, some men still believe in the male line of 
succession."

"Sure, your real liberated Rob "make me a sandwich" 
Petrie," I shot back at him with a smile. 



I couldn't help thinking about Emily as I entered the 
children's service's building. It had the same cold walls 
the home she was in had. They tried to disguise themself as 
a place for children with their pastel clown pictures in 
various funny positions dancing along the walls. The finger 
paintings and stick drawings on bulletin boards and on 
walls all did their part in the deception. This was a 
dumping ground for the children they didn't know what to do 
with and the walls knew it. No amount of pastels could hide 
that. It was a place I had hoped to rescue Emily from, but 
instead I had moved her from here into another cold place, 
that hospital. My best moment with Emily had been in 
neither place, but in that car when I gave her my necklace-
--the one my mother had passed onto me. I hadn't known she 
was mine then, but maybe somewhere deep down inside I did 
know she was a part of me. We had so little time together, 
yet my memories of her were as clear as if the whole 
tragedy had occurred yesterday.

We entered a playroom that served as a visiting area for 
parents and children. I heard the papers rustling behind me 
as the child's caseworker entered behind us.

"Miss Scully," a shocked voice said as it recognized me.

I spun around, wondering who could know me by name. I was 
surprised to find out who the voice belonged to, especially 
since it was Emily I had just been thinking about. It was 
Susan Chambliss, the one who had handled Emily's adoption 
case. We greeted each other like old friends, one wouldn't 
have believe the only memory between us was a tragic one.

"So you're here about the Brown children," Ms. Chambeliss 
began, "Such a tragic case. Kayla is such a delightful 
little girl, one wouldn't believe the things she's 
endured."

"So you're familiar with the children?"

"Yeah, they're my case. Well not really, it got handed to 
me about three days ago. Cynthia Warren left to have a 
baby. I'm trying to hold out for a home for the two of 
them. Though I found a few homes for the baby brother--
William, no one wants the little girl. They think she's 
disturbed"

"Because she talks to Ghost?"

"Yes, Isn't that why you and your partner are here?"

"Well, even if the child isn't seeing ghost."

"She could have seen something," Susan sighed. "Well I was 
just going to get her and her brother. You two can just 
wait here."

Then Susan Chambeliss disappeared through the door and down 
the hall.

"Mommy's here," I heard a little voice say before I saw the 
child. I knew that voice, but I dare not say what was in my 
mind. It couldn't be, she couldn't be here. Yet, I turned 
to look anyway and she came running through the door with 
the biggest smile. It was Emily; her cubby cheeks as rosy 
as ever. But the face of Emily only appeared for only a 
second, it quickly dissolved into another little face and 
this one was frowning.

"You're not mommy," Kayla said looking at me with these 
wide blue eyes. Her short blond hair framing her face.

Susan Chambeliss came running in behind her, she was 
holding a ten-month-old baby boy. 

"But Uncle Charley said Mommy would come today," Kayla 
frowned.

Susan kneeled down in front of the child. "I told you, your 
mommy can't take care of you right now."

Kayla's eyes fell to her red headed brother, then looked up 
at me again.

"The sign, you're the one," Kayla said, the smile returning 
as her eyes fell on me.

"Agents, this is Kayla and William Brown," Chambeliss 
introduced.

"William Michael Brown," Kayla corrected, ignored by the 
caseworker again.

Susan again turned to Kayla. 

"These are Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. They would 
like to talk to you about your mommy? Would you like to 
talk to them?"

"If William Michael can stay with me," Kayla responded.

Susan nodded and put the baby in a near-by bouncer. 

"I'll be right outside, okay?"

When Susan stepped out, Kayla's eyes fell on Mulder.

"Is your name really Fox?" Kayla asked Mulder.

"Yeah."

"How'd you get that name?"

"How'd you get the name Kayla?"

"I don't know. I know how my brother got his name. William 
was my daddy's daddy and Michael was my Mommy's daddy."

"Which one talks to you?"

"Uncle Charley talks to me, he told me Mommy was scared of 
Grandpa Michael, but that I don't have to be. He told me 
someone was coming to protect me and Michael. And now she's 
here."

"Who?"

"Her," Kayla said pointing to me.

I wish I could have seen my face at that moment, because I 
felt completely and totally dumfounded. I hadn't known this 
child five minutes and now she was declaring I was her 
savior. 

"It's just like Uncle Charley said, you have to take me to 
my Mommy now." 

"What?" I finally managed to say. The bright-eyed Kayla was 
sure of herself, I could tell that. But I still couldn't 
figure out why me, there was no logical reason for her to 
suddenly decide some woman she hadn't known five minutes 
was suppose to take her away. 

"He said you'd remind me of my brother. And you do, cause 
of your red hair. And that you would wear the sign and 
you're wearing it around your neck. He called you the 
guardian of imocence."

"When do you talk to Uncle Charley?" Mulder interrupted.

"I hear him all the time. But I can only see him in my 
dreams. He keeps Grandpa Michael from taking me and William 
Michael when we're sleeping." Kayla turned to me. "Can I go 
see Mommy now."

It was clear now; this elaborate story was a way to get to 
her mother.

"Kayla, I'm sure Miss Susan has told you, you can't see 
your mommy right now," I said as camly as possible to the 
little girl.

"But you have to take us. Uncle Charley said you would lead 
us home."

I kneeled down to the five-year-old. She was getting 
increasingly upset and I knew she wasn't going to like what 
I had to tell her. Her blue eyes were no longer as bright 
as they had been when she entered; they were now dimming to 
a paler shade.

"Kayla sweetie," I began in the softest voice I could 
muster. "Your Mommy isn't at home."

"Yes she is," Kayla said with a tear rolling down her 
cheek. "Uncle Charley promised, he said once the guardian 
came we would go home." That single tear was followed by 
another. Kayla broke her small hand from mine and wrapped 
both arms around my neck. She was holding on so tight I 
thought my face would turn blue from the pressure. "You're 
the only reason I wasn't scared, Uncle Charley kept 
promising you would come, you can't leave me here. Grandpa 
Michael's gonna get us one day, but I wasn't scared. Cause 
Uncle Charley promised you would come."

"I'm sorry Kayla, there's nothing I can do," I replied, 
prying the child from myself as gently as possible. 

When I looked into her face, I nearly fainted, for I saw 
Emily again. "We need you," was her singular reply. I 
blinked and Kayla stood before me again.

Susan Chambeliss reentered the room to retrieve Kayla, 
which was difficult because she was gripping my jacket. 
When she finally was lose she started screaming. Susan was 
doing her best to hold the child. Only when she was out of 
the room did she stop screaming and start crying. All logic 
told me there was nothing I could do, but I felt guilty 
anyway. 

"You okay Scully," Mulder asked as he placed a hand on my 
shoulder.

"Fine," I replied. How many times have I assured him of 
that today?

"Ma," a small voice said from behind me. I turned and 
looked at the curly headed baby boy. He raised his hands to 
me. "Ma." He said again.

Without thinking, I picked up the  baby boy. He smiled at 
me and reached for the crucifix around my next. He fiddled 
with it and looked up at me again. 

"Ma?" he repeated. Though it seemed this the only word he 
knew, this time it seemed like a question. Like he too knew 
of the "sign" Kayla mentioned, like it meant something to 
him to and he just couldn't express it. He lay down in my 
bosom, flushing me with a warm sensation that I hadn't felt 
in months, years. His small head was under my chin, his 
hair brushing my cheek. My heartbeat vibrating against his 
ear. The thing about babies is they have this smell, this 
sweet baby powder smell that makes you want to hold onto 
them forever. You know when they feel safe with you, 
because all they need is that feeling as a reason to cuddle 
close to you. 

Susan Chambeliss reentered.

"I suppose this wasn't very productive, I'll take William 
now."

My arms were reluctant to turn the snuggling baby over to 
Ms. Chambeliss. I slowly released him from my hands to 
hers, but he too was reluctant to go. First his small hands 
tried to hold onto me, but were unsuccessful. Then his 
small voice released a pleading "Ma" before he to burst 
into tears.

"Maybe it's best they be separated," Susan replied. "Lord 
knows what went on in that house."

"Ma," William Michael cried again and reached for me before 
Susan turned out the door, coddling him as best she could. 

I couldn't explain it in logical terms, but I began to cry. 
I wasn't bawling, there was just these uncontrollable 
teardrops forcing there way down my face. Maybe it was 
guilt or regret resurfacing because I knew I could never 
have a child. But neither of these explanations registered 
with the choking sensation in my throat. My heart was 
telling me to run out into the hall, snatch the baby from 
Chambeliss' arms and hold him until he was resting 
comfortably in my bosom again. But luckily my brain kept my 
feet in place. However, I could feel Mulder's eyes looking 
at me.

"Scully?" he questioned.

I couldn't even manage another "I'm fine" or "I'm okay".

"I didn't know these kids would get to you like that," 
Mulder entered, fishing for a response.

"It's okay. It's just that picking up a baby always makes. 
. ." I sighed. "Let's go Mulder."


Our next stop was the Brown household. Mindy must have been 
a good housekeep, because except for the office where David 
had hung himself, the house was pretty neat. This was an 
amazing accomplishment for a woman with two small children. 
I wondered if I would have been able to do the same with 
children so young. I'm not saying it was perfect, there was 
the stray toy here and there. In fact Mulder and I had 
nearly tripped on a pair of skates and a toy car upon 
entering. But that was perhaps what made it normal. So 
normal in fact, it seemed illogical that the father killed 
himself, the mother went crazy, and the children ended up 
belonging to the state.

As Mulder rattled around the living room, the photos on the 
mantel caught my attention. A naked baby Kayla, with a 
blanket draped around her was sitting on the mantel, she 
would kill her mother for that around age thirteen. A 
picture of William Michael at the hospital was beside it. 
Then there was a huge professionaly done family portrait; I 
was amazed at how beautiful Mindy had been when she had 
some color to her. No one would have guessed she and David 
were related. He was this tall lanky guy with a little 
boy's face.

"You sure these two were cousins?"

"Yeah, they're father's were half brothers. That's what the 
feud between them was about, 'a mother's love'. It seems 
she favored Michael over William. She had an affair and had 
William, he was illegitimate. But her heart was always with 
her husband, so she put the weight and blame of that 
decision on William."

"And three generations down it's still tearing the family 
apart," I said more to myself then him.

"I'm going look around in the office," Mulder announced.

As headed in the direction of the office, I went upstairs 
to look around. My first stop was the parent's room. I gave 
it the thorough look over, but it was as neat as the rest 
of the house. David had left his pants on the foot of the 
bed. That was about the only thing out of place. The 
statement taken from Mindy said he had just gotten up out 
of bed, gone into his downstairs office, and hung himself. 
Mindy found him. According to her, the kids had never seen 
the body.  It wasn't long after that the neighbors slowly 
began to notice the families decent into madness. The next 
door neighbor had called Children's Services when Mindy had 
come banging on her door in the rain, with her children 
half dressed, claiming her dead father was after her. Less 
than a week later Kayla began to claim she had been talking 
to her dead Uncle, who died nearly a month before. 

As I glanced over the night table, I heard the tinkling 
tune of "Rock a Bye Baby" filter through the baby monitor. 
I turned around again, toward the connecting door. Through 
it, I could see the Red and White walls of the nursery. I 
walked toward it. Inside the nursery, I was flushed with 
that mothering sensation of holding the baby yet again. 
William Michael's crib still looked brand new, there were 
cute little baby clothes hanging on hangers in his closet. 
My eyes fell on a little baseball outfit on the changing 
table. With a matching baseball cap. My fingers felt along 
the little blue lines of the cap, thinking of his little 
head resting under my chin and how each expression of the 
word "Ma" let me know what he was feeling. One word and he 
had said it so many ways. As I picked up the hat, a hand 
fell on mine. There was no reason to move, I knew his 
touch, it was Mulder.

"Scully, What are you doing?"

It was a question, but it sounded more like a statement. 
Like he already knew what, or at least who I was thinking 
about.

"Nothing, just inspecting the room," I answered moving away 
from him.

"Scully, I don't think there is anything here anyway. I'm 
finding no evidence of anything but a cut and dry suicide." 

"I didn't know suicide was cut and dry"

Mulder sighed. "I saw what happened when you held that 
baby."

"What?"

"You know, that look you women get when-"

"Excuse me? You women?"

"I didn't mean it like that Scully," Mulder rattled out, 
knowing he had just tripped over this own tongue. "I just 
meant, I was there when you lost Emily. And today you not 
only run into Susan Chambeliss, but a little girl who 
thinks you're her savior and a baby that called you Ma 
several times."

"All he could say was Ma. It had nothing to do with me. And 
if there is some fowl play going on here, we're the only 
ones who will investigate it."

I walked out the room before he could offer up anymore 
rationalizations. It was only when I arrived downstairs 
that I realized William Michael's hat was still in my hand. 
I didn't want to have to face Mulder with it and have more 
debating on the subject, so I stuffed it into my pocket.



Mulder and I were silent on the way back to our hotel. I 
was glad, that hat was like a burning hot poker in my 
pocket. I probably would have confessed my theft if he 
spoke. However, once I was alone. I took it out and held it 
in my hands. Remembering the small child it belonged to and 
his sister. Their pleadings as they held onto me.

The door between our rooms was unlocked, but thankfully 
Mulder was gone. He went to buy some sunflower seeds. I use 
to think those things grew in his pocket.

******************

"Why don't you believe her?" a small voice said from the 
end of the bed.

"Your not real," I stated thinking I must have dozed off, 
because that was the only way Emily could be sitting on the 
end of the bed.

"She doesn't believe because she's not a child," a second 
voice said. This one belonged to Melissa. "We adults are 
always on the search for proof. Even her Mulder is seeking 
physical evidence for those intangible things he believes 
in. Only children have a faith that's completely blind. You 
keep telling yourself that this is a dream, maybe you're 
right. Maybe we are not what we seem to be. Maybe these 
forms are just a convenient way of getting this message to 
you."

"They're in trouble. You must go to them now," Emily added.


*******************

I jerked awake with that statement. As I thought, I had 
been asleep.  But for the first time, I could remember the 
dream clearly. The kids were in trouble, I sensed it. I had 
to check on them. Maybe I was acting like a worried mother, 
despite the fact I wasn't there mother. But I was filled 
with the sudden urge to know if they were okay. I didn't 
care what Mulder thought. Well that's a lie, but in this 
situation it was second to knowing the kids were okay.

I burst into Mulder's room. He was munching on his seeds 
and reading a police report. Confused at my sudden 
entrance, his eyes glanced up at me over the paper, as if 
to say 'what in the hell'. I didn't care.

"Mulder, do you have the number for Children's services?"

"Why?"

"I need to check on them, the brown children."

"Why?"

"Just a hunch Mulder." 

I knew by now I was appearing quite ecstatic for no reasons 
at all. These were not my children. But I had had an 
instinct similar to this with Kevin. I expected a snide 
remark from Mulder, something I wasn't in the mood for, but 
instead he uttered a surprising "Okay" and dialed the 
number. It was only then I realized I was twiddling my 
thumbs. Mulder registered his usual stoic expression as he 
conversed on the phone. There were times I could see 
through this, but not right now. Right now I couldn't see 
through glass.

"Scully," Mulder said as he looked up at me. "You must be 
psychic. They're gone."

"Gone, gone where?"

"No one knows, " Mulder replied. "They just disappeared. 
Someone went to check on William Michael about a half-hour 
ago, he wasn't there. Then they discovered his sister was 
gone too. Along with a wagon they keep in the play area."

"Have they searched the whole building?"

"Yes and they've called the cops, though they haven't found 
any signs of anyone breaking in or out. Let alone a five 
year old strolling her baby brother in a little red wagon."

"Mulder"

"I know, lets go"

We were out of that hotel room and outside before we knew 
what was happening. The keys were in my pocket, so I slid 
them over the hood to Mulder. I was too upset to drive. 
However, just as I was slipping in the car, a glimmer of 
red attracted my attention. The traffic of the main roadway 
was flowing heavily, so I prayed it wasn't what I thought. 
Besides-how would a five-year-old get out here that 
quickly?

"Ma," I heard softly as all traffic stopped for a red 
light. And there was Kayla, walking the yellow line, wagon 
in tow. I panicked and ran to her, without even checking to 
see if the light was changing. Kayla seemed to be in a 
trance  and if she was sleepwalking-I didn't want to 
startle her awake. 

I cut straight in front of her path, gently grabbed her and 
called her name. Her eyes suddenly came alive as she 
blinked at me.

"Miss Dana, Uncle Charley was taking me home. How'd I get 
here?"

"Kayla, you're a long way from home."

As if some spell had been broken, the light turned green, 
cars noticed us, and suddenly began to honk their horns. 
The loud noise scared the baby boy lying in the wagon, who 
began to cry.

"It's okay, I'm here," I said lifting William Michael. 

By the time I looked up, Mulder was standing over me. Horns 
were still honking; Kayla was covering her ears to reduce 
the noise. Mulder said nothing; he just silently picked up 
Kayla, grabbed the wagon handle and walked out of the 
street. Coddling the scared baby, I followed.


I called children's services this time, convincing them the 
children should stay with us for the night. I was sitting 
on the end of Mulder's bed at the time. He kept gazing at 
me, still holding William Michael. I didn't like his look, 
this "I'm watching you hang yourself" expression. He hadn't 
said anything of the like, though he had already run out 
and bought me some pampers and milk to get through the 
night. For some reason, he didn't argue with me keeping the 
kids over night. Kayla was sitting on the floor laughing 
and watching cartoons. 

"So Scully," he said when I hung up.  "How did you know?"

"I told you, I've been having these dreams"

"Dreams, when Does Skeptical Scully act on dreams."

"Mulder, why is it every time I believe in something, you 
act like my personal feelings are clouding my judgement!"

"When have I done that?"

"Would you like me to compile a list, starting with a man 
named Boggs."

Kayla turned her attention from the TV to us. "Are you guys 
fighting?"

"No Kayla, Mulder and I just disagree sometimes."

"That's what Jessica's mommy and daddy said just before 
they got 'evorced. Then her Mommy moved her away and I 
never saw her again."

"Well Scully and I aren't married so--"

"Your not?"

"Come here Kayla," Mulder said taping the bed. She climbed 
up on the bed between us. Her brother had crawled off of me 
and now lay on the bed examining my keychain.

"Now Miss Kayla," Mulder began

Kayla giggled. 

"What's so funny?" Mulder asked.

"No one ever called me Miss before," the child said 
giggling through the whole sentence. "Daddy called me Kay- 
Kay."

"Well, Would you like me to call you that?"

"No, Miss Kayla will be fine," she giggled yet again. 

This exchange was getting too cute. I had to stifle my own 
giggles.

"Do you want to tell me how you got here?" 

"I don't know," Kayla shrugged. "I was real upset, so they 
put me in bed. I guess I cried myself to sleep, because 
Uncle Charley came and I can only see him when I'm asleep. 
He had William Michael wrapped all up and bottle with him 
and everything. And he said we were going home."

"How did you get out?"

"He took us out the back door,"

"Wasn't anyone there?"

"No, I didn't even hear anybody. Which is weird, cause 
usually all I hear is people or kids." Kayla sighed. "I'm 
hungry."

"Didn't you eat dinner?" I asked.

"No, I was too upset. My stomach didn't want any food. They 
couldn't even make me eat."

"Mulder, there's a fast food place not to far away. I could 
take Kayla and William Michael-"

"I'll go with you," Mulder entered.




As we entered the fast food restaurant, Kayla began to run 
down a long list of foods that she would never eat. I told 
her she was getting whatever kids meal was available. 
William Michael was nuzzling my neck, fully awake, 
exploring his new world with his eyes as bottle sucking 
sounds vibrated in my ear. 

"What a beautiful baby," a woman said as she entered behind 
us. "How old is he?"

"10 months"

"Oh, you must be so proud. And look at that lovely little 
girl. It's always nice to see a good-looking family."

"Thank you," I replied, not willing to go into a long 
explanation of our involvement, hell it wasn't the first 
time Mulder and I were accused of being a couple. Still, I 
felt Mulder's glance before I ever looked at him. "What's 
the point of explaining Mulder?"

"Not feeding into your own delusion," Mulder said just 
before he departed to get a high chair.

We then filled a little booth. I put William Michael beside 
me. I didn't think Mulder wanted to deal with feeding a 
baby. Mulder got the food. William Michael had applesauce, 
but as soon as he saw my fries, he threw his bottle across 
the table and reached for my fries. The milk from the 
bottle squirted into Mulder's face and rolled into his 
food, causing me and Kayla to break into laughter. I placed 
a few fries in front of William Michael. He smiled and 
bopped in his chair. Kayla grabbed a napkin, stood in her 
seat, and her little hands tried to wipe Mulder's face 
clean.

"Thank you Miss Kayla."

"Your welcome Mr. Fox."

I tried to conceal my smile as my eyes involuntarily met 
Mulder's. A slight smile appeared on his face and for the 
moment we were happy with the scene before us.

Suddenly that picnic table scene from my dream flashed back 
into my head. "Fill the table Dana."  She couldn't have 
meant something as simple as me giving the kids a meal. So 
what did it mean? And what would all this mean tomorrow 
when I had to take the children back? I knew I was letting 
William Michael get attached to me. Kayla was still 
expecting me to take her home. It was easy for her to laugh 
and play with Mulder, expecting that tomorrow she would go 
home and all would be right with the world. Was I making a 
mistake? 


(Continued in part III)

Title: Dana's Dreamland III - 03/04
Author: Reality

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<><<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


"Come on, I have to show you something," Kayla's 
little voice said as she dragged me off the park 
bench.

I didn't remember coming to the playground, but here 
I was with Kayla. 

She took me to a sandbox where she had built a small 
sandcastle.

"Look, there's room for all of us. Me, William 
Michael, you, and Mr. Fox."

"But what about your Mommy."

A dim frown fell upon the little girl's face. "She's 
gone, she can't come back."

"Miss Scully, " a male voice said from behind me. I 
turned toward it. A young man stood before me. 
Dressed in all white.

"I'm Charles Brown."

"Uncle Charley?" I asked doubtfully. 

"Yes, we must talk."

"What about?" I turned toward Kayla, but she was gone 
as was the sandbox. "Where did . . ."

"She's safe." Uncle Charley interrupted. "Do you 
believe the sins of the father are carried onto the 
son?"

"I believe we're all responsible for ourselves.

"Well, they are. The sons, the daughters. Whole 
families have been infected and broken by the mistake 
of one member. But as long as there's a supplement-
innocence can be saved. That is no longer possible in 
our line. And now, the only way to save innocence, to 
do any good, is to give them a chance to shed 
themselves of us."

"By them you mean Kayla and William Michael."

"All that is us must end, so that they may begin. And 
I have been told, that you are deserving of making 
that new beginning possible."

"Told by who?"

Charles smiled in response a friendly smile. 

"Always remember, life is the sum total of our 
choices, both small and large. You've reached a fork 
in the road that will change the rest of your life. 
As you make this choice, remember what Kayla said, 
there is room for all of you."

********************

"Ma," the baby cried as he pulled on my shirt and I 
slowly returned to reality.

William Michael was sitting on the bed beside me. 
Kayla was still sleeping soundly beside him. She had 
worn my T-shirt to bed and her small body was lost in 
it. William Michael had slept in his pamper. I had 
rinsed out their clothes and hung them in the 
bathroom.

"Ma," William Michael repeated followed by a baby 
talk sentence. Obviously trying to communicate 
something.

"What is it sweetie?"

"Ma, Ba-Ba," he said pointing to the empty bottle on 
the table.

"Oh, you want a bottle," I replied retrieving it from 
the night table. "Okay, let's get you some milk."

I picked up William and he held onto me as natural as 
ever. He smiled and I knew at that moment I had 
fallen in love. Not just with him, with Kayla too. 
She was a little chatterbox, at dinner. She had told 
us a story about almost everyone in her neighborhood, 
her teachers, and her friends. She even told us 
stories about herself and her Uncle Charley-whom she 
seemed to love dearly. But it wasn't until later that 
night, when she was curled up beside me, that she 
told me about her parents. How much she loved them, 
little things they had done together, and how happy 
she was when she finally got a baby brother. 

I shook these thoughts off and went to get the milk 
and pampers from Mulder's room. He was still asleep. 

"Hey William Michael, this is my little boy, well big 
boy. His name is Fox. He can be a pain sometimes and 
sometimes he says the wrong thing. Believe me William 
Michael, he's made some big mistakes. But at the end 
of the day, he's a sweetheart. Let's not wake him up, 
okay."

He smiled at me. Whenever he smiled, those big bright 
eyes of his seemed to sparkle. Kayla was like that 
too.

I put William Michael on the unoccupied side of 
Mulder's bed as I filled his bottle and retrieved a 
pamper. I gave him the bottle to suck on, while I 
changed him. When that was done, I left him on the 
bed while I went to toss the dirty pamper into the 
bathroom trash. 

"What the hell?" I heard Mulder yell suddenly. 
Followed by William Michael's giggle.

I quickly returned to the room. Kayla entered his 
room from my room rubbing her eyes.

"What's going on?" the little girl asked, the neck of 
the shirt dropping over her shoulder.

"Scully, get this kid. He tried to stick that damn 
bottle up my nose."

Kayla gasped. "Mr. Fox, you said a bad word."

"I'm sorry Miss Kayla," he said apologetically as I 
retrieved William Michael from the bed. 

"He was just trying to share Mr. Fox."

"Ma," the baby boy said with a smile.

"Didn't I tell you not to wake him up?" I asked the 
baby, he laughed as if I had told a hilarious joke.

"Ma," he replied with that magical, huge grin. 
"Mommy."

"He said Mommy," Kayla shouted. "He never said that 
before."

My eyes met Mulder's as the boy lay down on my chest.  
He had called me "Mommy", not Ma, his universal term, 
Mommy. He had never called anyone Mommy and now he 
was calling me Mommy. I couldn't help, but be pleased 
somewhere deep down inside, but as the hanging 
silence of the room told, I was also shocked and 
worried. Today he had to go back, she had to go back. 
And now they would both hate me. Especially Kayla, I 
hadn't had the heart last night to explain once again 
that she would not be going home.

"Ma Mommy," William Michael said again, as if to 
assure the room that's exactly what he had said.

"We better get ready to go."

"Your taking me home now?"  Kayla asked. 

Mulder's eyes met mine, he couldn't tell her either.




The chatterbox was in full effect as we loaded them 
into the car. I had borrowed a car seat from the 
hotel manager after explaining why the kids were in 
our room. He then offered to lend us his daughter's 
car seat and I accepted. It took Mulder an hour to 
figure out how to get it in the car. Kayla laughed at 
him, then finally crawled in the back seat, wiggled 
the chair a bit and snapped in the seat belt. 

As each step got us closer to pulling off, I think 
both our hearts was clogging our throat. We knew we 
had to tell Kayla, that if we didn't she would hate 
us even more. Not me, us, because "Mr. Fox" was her 
new best friend. Yet neither of us could tell her she 
was not going home.

BRING!

Both Mulder and I grabbed our phones, the second ring 
revealed the call was his. 

"Mulder . . . . .yes, I was there to see Mindy Brown 
yesterday."

"That's Mommy," Kayla whispered to her brother in the 
back seat.

"She's what?" Mulder turned to me. "Scully, Mindy 
disappeared last night. She's not at the hospital."

"Of course not, she's home," Kayla stated matter-of-
factly.

"There's no harm in checking it out," Mulder replied. 

"Mulder, we can't, we're obligated to--"

"Scully, the place isn't going anywhere. And it would 
make somebody real happy to see her mother, before 
going back to that place."

I sighed, that was all the hesitation he needed to 
start out toward the Brown's house.



As we pulled into the driveway, Kayla became 
completely giddy, telling her brother they were 
finally home, that Mommy was here. We weren't sure; 
the house looked as abandoned as it had been the day 
before.

"Mommy," Kayla suddenly yelled, unbuckling her seat 
belt. 

We turned and saw Mindy Brown walking toward the car. 
Kayla was out the door before we could say 'stop'. 
She ran into her mother's arms and Mindy broke into 
tears as she embraced her daughter.

"Kayla," Mindy said pulling the little girl away. "I 
came home to get you this." Mindy pulled out a small 
chain with a heart attached to it. "My mommy gave it 
to me and now I give it to you. So you will 
remember."

"Remember what?" the little girl asked as her mother 
placed it around her neck.

"Me, the good things, Daddy. When you begin to hate 
me. .  ."

"I'll never hate you Mommy," Kayla replied.

"You say that now, but----Is William Michael in the 
car."

"Yeah" 

Mindy took her daughter's hand and walked to the car. 
Mulder and I sat silently, knowing we should stop 
this right now and return each person to their 
designated locations. But neither of us moved as she 
lifted her son from the car.

"I'm never going to see you walk," she said holding 
her son. "Never hear you speak a whole sentence. 
Attend your first day of school. You were never meant 
to be and now you cannot be mine." She placed her son 
back in the car seat  "Kayla, get in the car.

"Why Mommy?"

"Cause I said so, get in the car."

"But I don't want to Mommy, I'm finally home."

"No Kayla, this isn't home anymore. Get in the car, 
please."

 A dejected Kayla climbed into the seat. Mindy moved 
toward the front window.

"I've packed there things, William Michael's gotten 
kind OF big so he probably can't fit a lot of his 
clothes. They grow up so fast, cherish it Miss 
Scully."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. 

"They all came to me, they made me understand. It's 
my duty as a mother to release them from our curse. 
Charles tells me not to hate you and I don't. I just 
can't help being jealous that you will get to be 
there for all the things I won't."

"Mindy, get in the car," Mulder interjected. "We'll 
take you back. You'll get better, you'll have your 
children again."

"I can't go back and I can't go forward. This is my 
end and your beginning."

Mindy stepped away from the car and started walking 
towards the house. Kayla went for the doorknob again.

"No, Kayla, stay in the car," I said jumping out 
myself. 

"Scully," Mulder called jumping out behind me.

"Watch the kids Mulder," I said turning toward him 
and then back toward the house, running inside behind 
Mindy. 

Inside the doorway, I was surprised to find out Mindy 
had packed boxes of clothes and toys, as if the 
children were moving out. 

"Mindy," I called, but the house gave me no clue of 
where she was. "Mindy, this doesn't have to go down 
like this. Mindy, you can get your children back one 
day."

BOOM!

The sound of a gunshot spun me around. It came from 
the office. I ran into the room as fast as my legs 
would carry me. But I was too late. I found Mindy 
sprawled on the desk, a bullet wound to the head, the 
gun on the floor.



It took me awhile to get the nerve to go outside. 
Mulder and the children's eyes poured into me, 
wanting an explanation. They must have all heard the 
shot as I could hear the cops arriving when I exited 
the house. I silently climbed into the car as police 
cars pulled up in the driveway.

"She's gone, isn't she?" Kayla asked.

"Yes, Kayla, she's gone. I'm sorry."

"Mommy," William Michael cried, fighting his car seat 
restraints as he reached for me.

I stepped out the car and retrieved the baby from the 
backseat. A cop walked up to us. We knew there was 
going to be a lot of things to explain.



Three hours later, Mulder and I were sitting in the 
local police station, still with the kids. William 
Michael was asleep in my lap and Kayla was in 
Mulder's lap, she had fallen asleep too. Susan 
Chambeliss had agreed to come by and pick the kids up 
there.

"Scully, what are you going to do?" Mulder asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You know as well as I do, what's going to happen 
when it's time for these kids to go back, especially 
now. Kayla's just lost her mother, the last thing she 
believed in."

"I don't know Mulder, I can't exactly take them 
home."

"But you would, wouldn't you."

I gave him the non-answer answer, I looked away. I 
wasn't prepared to be anyone's mother, let alone 
these two small children. And what about my job, it 
didn't allow for this. Children needed constant love 
and attention.

"Miss Scully, Mr. Mulder," Chambeliss said as she 
entered. "The cops found a tape you should listen 
too. Officer Popoli will watch the children." 

A female officer came in. I gently handed the 
sleeping baby to her. Mulder slipped Kayla from his 
arms into the chair. She curled up, but never woke 
up.

We entered a room where the local police chief and a 
couple officers were sitting. We sat down and they 
started the tape.

"Dear Miss Scully, I am Mindy Brown. Mother of Kayla 
Diane Brown and William Michael Brown. Or at least I 
use to be. The wrongdoing of my family dates back 
many years. Never, has anyone, in my direct line 
successfully kept his or her family together. My 
grandmother's infidelity set up the hate between her 
only two sons. And the punishment for their hate was 
having their children unknowingly fall in love. Kayla 
was a conception made in innocence for that reason. 
But William Michael, named after my father and 
David's, was a conscious journey into sin. Though we 
did not choose to have another child, we understood 
the time about blood ties we had no idea of when 
Kayla was conceived, yet we choose to live as man and 
wife. Our line is domed and we must therefore end it. 
David understood this when he committed suicide. His 
father had explained it to him, but I did not want to 
face it. So I bared my father's words and tried to go 
on. But I couldn't. Today, I would like to relinquish 
the custody of my children to Dana Scully. It has 
been told to me that she will protect them. Good-
bye."

"This doesn't make sense, I hardly knew the woman, " 
I replied to the group.

"If this woman thought she was connected to a spirit 
world somehow, " An unidentified  woman in a suit 
began. "Than there may have been something about you 
that made her think you were worthy of replacing her. 
That crucifix of yours is a powerful symbol to 
someone looking for one."

"Did you guys ever solve the brother's murder? 
Charles Brown."

"Yes, his boyfriend killed him," an officer began. 
"It seems he was married, ashamed of his 
homosexuality.  He confessed himself. He got into an 
argument with him about leaving his wife. It 
escalated into some very personal issues and he 
killed him in a fit of rage. Then, he tried to cover 
it up by making it look like a hate crime."

"Is the tape credible?" I asked, changing the subject 
back to the children  "I mean, could this be enough 
to give me custody of them."

"Miss Scully?" Chambeliss questioned.

"Kayla and her brother have gotten attached to me, if 
I walk out of her life now, after she's lost her 
mother. What will she believe in? I can't walk away 
from them, not after what's happened."

Chambeliss sighed.

"Kayla's hurt in ways she can't even say yet. The 
easiest way for her is to already be with someone she 
trust. I can be that person."

The female officer entered with William Michael in 
her arms, screaming "Mommy, Mommy". I quickly 
retrieved him. He immediately cuddled next to me. 
Kayla came in, her eyes dim, a frown on her face. She 
simply walked up to me and laid her head on my side.

"I'll do my best," Chambeliss said looking at us.



Later that day, I took the children back to the hotel 
room. Mulder was tying up whatever lose ends there 
were. Kayla was silent, she sat in front of the TV 
like zombie. I tried to joke with her on the way 
back, but that little bright side she always seemed 
to have had disappeared. I changed William Michael 
and laid him down with a bottle. Then I called Kayla 
to me.

"I want you to see something." I said as she sat down 
beside me. I reached in my wallet and handed her a 
picture from it.

"Who's this?"  Kayla asked.

"It's Emily. She was my daughter."

"Where is she? At home."

"No, she died. She was a very very sick little girl."

"Do you miss her?"

"All the time. And you'll always miss your mother. 
But somebody has to take care of you. Now the way I 
see it, you've lost a mother and I've lost a 
daughter. So I think that makes us perfect for taking 
care of each other?"

"Mommy," William Michael called, standing in the 
crib, presenting his empty bottle.

"He already thinks you're his Mommy," Kayla added. 

"Does that upset you?"

"No, he needs a mommy. And so do I, I guess. And I 
guess, I don't mind, if it's you."

"Thank you Kayla," I replied placing a hand on her 
little head. She leaned into me and began to cry. 




Kayla cried herself to sleep on me. I tucked her into 
my bed. Then played with William Michael until he was 
tired enough to take a nap.  Mulder came in then. I 
now considered the draw backs of my choice. For a 
long time I had known I only had two choices, a 
normal life or a Mulder life. And the moment I 
decided to keep the children, I knew which life they 
needed. I knew we had already had a really crappy day 
and this wasn't the best way to top it off, but I 
felt I had to get this off my chest.

"Hey, Scully. How are they?" 

"Okay, Kayla's emotionally worn out, but she's had a 
much needed cry. William Michael, he doesn't even get 
it. He knows something's wrong, but--"

"You got a job on your hands."

"Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. 
Sit down Mulder."

"Why do I feel like bad news is coming?" Mulder asked 
as he sat on the bed. 

I slowly sat down beside him and exhaled. "When I 
made my decision today, I knew that to have them, I 
was going to have to let you go."

"What?" Mulder said jumping off the bed. 

"I can work for the FBI and be a parent, but I can't 
be your partner and be a mother."

"Why?"

"Because I'll be doing this as a single parent. They 
need all of me and I want to give them that, but I 
can't as long as your life's work is consuming my 
life. I choose to be with you Mulder, because I 
believed in you, not because I believed in Monsters, 
Aliens, and Ghost. I've told you these things before. 
But now that means that makes all I dedicated to you 
and your work is theirs now. They're wounded children 
Mulder."

"Scully, you can't do this. I need you. I told you 
before, I don't know if I can do this alone anymore."

"You can Mulder and you will," I turned back toward 
my door.

"When did you decide this, today?"

I turned back toward him. I could tell his head was 
still searching for more rationalization to make me 
stay. This was one of those times when I wanted to 
kiss him, just run into his arms and kiss him. So I 
did. We were both becoming extremely shaken by the 
turn of this conversation and our eyes revealed that 
to one another. Our lips grazed one another's ever so 
softly as we tried to filter the intensity of the 
moment.

"Scully," Mulder said in almost a whisper. "I will do 
anything to make you stay." 

He then leaned toward me for another kiss. I knew 
what was coming and every rational bone in my body 
screamed "don't." I couldn't though; I wanted to feel 
his lips on mine again. And they met mine, with the 
same tenderness. I felt my legs get weak beneath me. 
He had hardly moved away when he came for my lips 
again, this time a little more forceful. And then I 
felt his warm tongue slip into my mouth and engage 
our tongues in a long awaited dance. He lifted me 
with ease laid us down on the bed, our lips barely 
separating in the process. 

Then his lips left mine to make a trail of kisses to 
my cheek, down my neck, and to my breast. His hands 
following. My whole body was on fire with him and 
that was exactly why it had to stop. It seemed he, in 
fact, would do anything to make me stay.

"Stop Mulder," I whispered so softly that he didn't 
hear me. Oh, this was going to be hard; his hand was 
unbuttoning my blouse, making me tingle. "Stop 
Mulder," I managed out just strong enough for him to 
notice.

"What's wrong?"

"I won't let you do this just to make me stay."

"But-" Mulder began.  "Oh forget it. You probably 
wouldn't believe me anyway."

"What, say it?"

"I love you."

For amount I looked at him, my little puppy dog, 
confessing words I wanted to hear and didn't want to 
hear all at once.

"I know," I replied. How could I not know that? But 
how easy was it to love someone when they were all 
you had? I loved Mulder, too. I loved his faults, I 
loved his mind, his passion, but mostly I loved being 
needed. When Mulder needed someone, I chosen to be 
that someone. 

"I love you, too," I continued. "But is it because 
we're the right ones for each other, or because 
neither of us has anyone else."

Mulder sighed and slid up onto the pillow, I slid up 
beside him and laid my head on his chest. Our 
situation had already been compromised and I was 
emotionally spent. I think he was too, for we fell 
asleep that way. I don't know how much later I woke 
up, but Kayla was lifting her baby brother onto the 
bed and then crawling up behind him. I didn't move, I 
could still hear Mulder breathing as he remained in 
deep sleep. Kayla and William Michael found their own 
little crevices to curl up in. I couldn't believe 
there was room for all of us in one bed.

When I awoke the next morning, Mulder had left the 
bed and was standing in the bathroom brushing his 
teeth with Kayla. She was giggling again. William 
Michael sat on the bed looking at me. "Mommy?" the 
baby asked.

"Yeah," I answered, knowing in fact, that meant this 
was my last X-File. Mulder consumed my life, he would 
never really be gone from it, but he couldn't be all 
of it anymore. I still, had to leave him.

THE END

(Don't shoot me, M&S are not separating for good. 
This is not the end of it all. The story is continued 
in "THE FINAL PIECE")

Title: THE FINAL PIECE - 04/04
(conclusion to Dana's Dreamland)
Author: Reality

<<<<<<<<<><<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled happily as she ran toward me. 
It felt so good to sweep her up in my arms. I never 
thought I could love a little girl like this, I had 
been afraid to love anyone with my whole heart, I had 
learned at a very young age loving that much was 
dangerous.

Hell, I never even knew I had come to love Scully 
until she went away, until Duane Barry took her, 
until I felt that hole that come from being 
incomplete. And when I finally got her back, I wanted 
to hold her, hold her close to me, but instead I held 
her off with rage--rage at whomever had took her. Yes 
I had touched her, touched her in little ways because 
I was curious about her, especially after, well after 
she gave me a peak into that gorgeous little body of 
hers. It was our first case together and I was quite 
sure she was a spy. In that moment, I tried to 
convince myself that her strip tease in front of me 
was a game. A ploy to distract me. However once touch 
told me, she was really afraid and I was more afraid 
when she fell into my arms, afraid to hold her, 
afraid of the warmth that comes from being with 
another human being. Afraid of being alone again, 
afraid of the moment she would walk away and leave me 
with the memory, But she didn't walk away. Even when 
I was with women, I was never truly "with" them. They 
could never reach that place inside me, a place that 
always seemed to reveal itself around Scully without 
me wanting it to. 

Despite her small frame, she was strong and 
determined, nothing got past her. She could make 
grown men quiver with a glare. But when I had needed 
it, she'd been there with a gentle touch, a loving 
embrace, or a sympathetic ear. When she got to close 
I would do something, I'll admit it, stupid, to 
distance her. How much I loved her snuck up on me, 
forced me to remember and act everytime I  almost 
lost her or caused her pain by nearly killing myself. 

But Kayla was different. The five year old flushed me 
with warmth whenever I heard her little voice. I 
could never hide how happy I was to see her. There 
was something magic about a child.

Scully and I hadn't discussed waking up in the same 
bed with two kids curled up between us or even going 
to sleep in that bed together in the first place. She 
had simply sent me home, holding on to the idea that 
she couldn't be my partner and their mother. 

The ten month old little boy who was now her son was 
lying against her chest. The sunlight striking them 
in such a way that even in the black they wore for 
the funeral, they would have made a beautiful photo 
for one of those picture frames.

I placed Kayla on the ground, but she stayed at my 
side, taking my hand. The adoption was over, their 
mother was buried, and Scully was now a mother of two 
when it was thought she would never even be the 
mother of one.

"You didn't have to come," she said.

I wanted to tell her how empty I felt walking into 
that office alone my first day back without her, how 
incomplete I felt without her. How I felt I had lost 
half of myself.

"I wanted to come," I said simply. "Couldn't wait to 
see little Miss Kayla here."

Kayla giggled.

"We were just going to eat," she said placing William 
Michael in the stroller and securing him. "Want to 
join us."

"Lead the way mom," I said playfully placing my arm 
around her shoulder.

They say children change you and Scully seemed more 
relaxed, happy, satisfied. She was honestly glowing 
in a way I had never seen before.



We ate at a Pizza place and by the time we drove back 
to Scully's hotel room the kids were tired. Her room 
had two beds and William Michael's portable crib. 
Scully laid William Michael down saying "Goodnight 
Peanut". She and Kayla had come up with the nickname. 
Scully said Kayla informed her that peanuts were her 
mother's favorite snack. 

"I guess I should get a room for the night," I 
mumbled.

"We're all going back tomorrow. No need for that, I 
can share Kayla's bed."

"Or we can share a bed," I smiled, testing the ground 
for our old banter.

"Oh no Mulder, I might not be able to keep my hands 
off you," Scully said with a smile--well she was in a 
good mood. "Here," Scully said tossing me a bag of 
sunflower seeds.

"Aw honey, you remembered," I said opening my arms 
for a hug. 

She ignored me and went to sit on the bed. "It seems 
in your short time together you taught Kayla your 
habit. I see I'm going to have to keep a cabinet full 
of sunflower seeds and peanuts. She asked me 
something the other day."

"What?"

"Could you be her new father."

I couldn't speak, I only smiled--hoping just the 
thought of it wasn't making me blush as much as I 
imagined it did.

"Well, did you tell her I'd be happy to oblige if 
only her mother would let me."

"Mulder, I know she's smiling right now. But she's 
still a very hurt little girl. And I think, somehow 
she's trying to recreate her old family. And to do 
that she needs a dad. You just happen to be the 
closest father figure she has right now."

"So your saying?"

"Mulder, you know as I do you're not ready for it. 
Your still a little boy yourself."

"I'm not a little boy."

"Mulder, you barely take care of yourself. Every time 
I go to your apartment there is some new organism 
growing in there. I'm not saying don't be her friend, 
or mine, but you can't be her father."

"Is that what you told her."

"In a way"

I shook my head in agreement. Scully was right, I 
wasn't the most responsible guy in the world. But 
what single guy was? I wanted her and Kayla and her 
son, but I wouldn't prove it to her today. Maybe I 
could never prove it, but I had to stay in their 
lives. Make me Uncle Mulder for all I care, just as 
long as she didn't let me go permanently, sending me 
into the darkness of true loneliness again. But I 
wouldn't talk about these things today. It had been 
to stressful with the funeral and the knowledge that 
tomorrow she would go home and alter her life 
permanently to be their mother.

I flopped down on the bed beside Scully and clicked 
on the TV. America's Most Wanted was on. She 
surprised me by cuddling up beside me to watch the 
program. I could stay like this forever with Scully, 
just close, touching, holding each other. I loved her 
and I wanted to tell her again, but she didn't 
believe me the last time, she never believed me. She 
followed me on pure faith, but she always questioned 
anything I said. She only believed when the facts 
became so blinding they couldn't be denied. Foor that 
reason, I would have to prove that I loved her.

"Mulder," she began during a commercial.

"Yeah?"

"I keep having this dream about Kayla. I watching her 
stomp out a little sand castle. She keeps saying. 'I 
told you there was room for all of us.' And I say, 
'of course there is, we're all going home together.' 
She says, 'no where not' and continues to stomp. I 
really don't know what it means."

"I'm sure it'll be okay once you get her home. It's 
probably just anxiety about the adoption."

We fell asleep together like that. Me holding her, 
her holding me.




Like before, the next morning we avoided confronting 
the fact that once again we had slept in each other's 
arms.

William Michael, now known affectionately as Peanut, 
and I had successfully avoided each other. I didn't 
know why we were at odds, maybe because he was a 
baby. Maybe the smallness of him frightened me, true 
he was almost eleven months old, way past the small 
infant stages, but still I kept at a distance. So 
when Scully asked me to change his pamper, I knew 
there was going to be trouble.

I had picked him up once and only once to hand him to 
Scully. He had screamed every moment he was in my 
arms. And now as I approached him, I feared the 
screaming would start soon. At this moment he was 
standing in the crib looking at me and I couldn't 
help thinking he was plotting another assult on me.

"Kay." He said looking at his sister.

"Mr. Fox wants to get you dressed," Kayla said to her 
brother. "We have to go home Peanut."

"Fos," the baby boy said looking at me, his 'x' 
coming out in a slurred 's'. But it didn't matter, he 
had said my name. He had added my name to his little 
vocabulary. It was like a peace offering. I gently 
lifted him up, still nervous. 

"Mommy, Mommy, Peanut said Fox," Kayla said running 
into the bathroom where Scully was brushing her 
teeth.

"Fos," he said again laying his head on my shoulder. 
I felt some of the tension go away as I laid him on 
the bed. I still was unsure about opening his pamper, 
he had sprayed me with milk, I wouldn't let him spray 
me with "that". Was this all a con game, was he just 
waiting to get me. 

Kayla returned with the other pamper, just as I was 
loosening the one he had on.

"Thank You Miss Kayla," I said taking the clean 
pamper and removing the dirty one. Though it stunk 
like hell, it wasn't as gross as I imagined it and 
Kayla was quick to take it away. Scully came in with 
a clean outfit for the boy just as I was closing the 
clean pamper. 

"Well, your pretty good at that. Think you can get 
him dressed?" Scully asked tossing me the babies' 
clothing. "Did he really say Fox?"

"Kind of," I replied.

"Mommy," the baby suddenly cried reaching for Scully.

"No peanut, you've been spoiled by mommy," Scully 
said leaning over him causing him to giggle. "Yes, 
you have. That's why your not learning to walk." She 
said with a tickle and walked away. He reached for 
her and cried Mommy again. Yeah, I understand kid, 
there's nothing like being in Scully's arms.




Scully's family met us at the airport. That was 
unexpected, it seems after Scully told her mother 
about the kids, Mrs. Scully had arranged a quick 
welcome home party. Bill's eyes fell on me and the 
little girl holding my hand. 

"Mr. Fox," Kayla whispered. "Who are all those 
people?"

"Your new family--guess what?"

"What?"

"You have another Uncle Charlie."

"He's not that sour faced guy is he."

"No, that's Uncle Bill, he hates me."

"Than I don't like him," Kayla assured me with a 
smile.

Scully threw me "the look". Despite everything, she 
respected her brothers and didn't take well to the 
alliance between Kayla and myself.


Mrs. Scully couldn't wait. We were only a few feet 
away when she ran to her daughter and grabbed the 
baby boy.

"Oh Dana, I'm so happy for you," her mother said 
hugging the baby. "A new grandson, a granddaughter."

"Your my Granny?" Kayla asked. "I never had a Granny 
before."

"And I never had a grand daughter before," Mrs. 
Scully said without thinking. For a brief second all 
our minds traveled to the same place, Emily. But her 
shadow remained for only a second. It was too joyous 
an occasion.




I felt compelled, by a little girl, to attend the 
little get together at Scully's apartment. But 
Margaret, absolutely taken with her new grand 
daughter, immediately took my only protection against 
Bill away to show her the new doll house she had 
bought her, complete with Family and furniture. So 
once I was abandoned by Kayla, Bill decided 
approached me.

"What exactly are you doing with my sister Mr. 
Mulder?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you trying to play daddy? 

"I'm not"

"Dana's in their telling stories about you and 'the 
kids' like your married. Mr. Mulder, I can't remember 
the last time I saw Dana genuinely smile. She has 
kids now she can't be risking her life for you. The 
best way for things to stay that way is for you to 
get out of her life."

"Bill," Scully said from behind us, surprising us 
both. "Stop it," she gave her brother the death 
stare. 

"Dana I was just--"

"Butting into my life again. Mulder is great with the 
kids and he's not going anywhere."

"Are you that desperate to give those kids a father."

"He's not there father and he's not trying to be--"

"Mommy, Mommy," Kayla yelled running into the room 
holding the mom and dad dolls to her new doll house.

"What is it Kayla?" 

"I love the house Grandma got me. I got a doll a doll 
for everybody, Me and Peanut and this is you and this 
is Mr. Fox. I already put me and peanut in bed. Now I 
want to put you in bed, but I wanted to know if it 
was okay if Mr. Fox slept with you again."

Scully and I couldn't help but look completely 
embarrassed, especially since a room full of people 
had paused and looked at us in that moment.

"Why is everyone so quiet?" Kayla asked. "Is it okay 
Mommy?" Kayla asked again, completely clueless about 
the thoughts she had elicited in the room.

"No Kayla, Mr. Fox has his own place."

"Okay, but since I don't have another place. I'll put 
him on the couch."

Kayla fled the room. And Scully met her mother's 
eyes.

"Mom I--"

Mrs. Scully sighed as she lifted her hands to silence 
her. "Dana, your a grown woman."

"A grown woman with children," Bill added. "Who 
should know better than to--"

"We slept, that was it. Come on. There were children 
in the room Bill," I said jumping in to defend 
Scully.

"And what about before them, what were you and Dana 
doing then?"

"Oh well, before them Scully and I were making out 
ever chance we got. The only reason we ever got two 
rooms was so our superiors wouldn't get supiscous."

Why I was irking Bill, I didn't know. I knew Scully 
respected her brother to a point. So I shouldn't have 
went there but I did. He knew I was being sarcastic, 
but a vein started pooping on his forehead anyway.

"Ha ha Mr. Mulder."

"You know what Scully," I said turning away from 
Bill. "I'm going to go."

"Mulder, you don't--"

"Yeah, I do," I replied.

I wanted to kiss her, give her a little peck on the 
cheek just to spite Bill, but I resisted. Instead I 
met her eyes with mine. She understood, no one else 
in the room did.




I never went home. Instead I went for a walk. Russia 
came flooding back to me. After that bastard Krychek 
proved once again to be a rat and I was left alone 
with my thoughts in that cold dark cell, I thought 
about her, thoughts of her had rushed in on me the 
way it always did in my moments of peril. Her faith 
in me has yet to be equaled and I hadn't given as 
good as I got. When someone showed the smallest 
interest, the slightest belief in extraterrestrial 
life--I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Even when 
it was a man like Krycek. But with Scully it was 
different, as much as her science got on my nerves--
she believed in me. She never stopped believing in 
me, no matter what she believed about the paranormal. 
My parents hadn't even put that much faith in me. I 
didn't have that kind of faith in myself, so how 
Scully managed it was beyond me. And it was her faith 
in me that always brought me back. When I put my arms 
around her in that hearing, when she put her arms 
around me with a relieved "Mulder", I knew Scully 
would always be home. Home is where the heart is and 
that's where my heart was. I wanted to say I love you 
then, but all I got out was some line about being 
glad to hold her. Understanding that love scared me 
more than words will ever express.

I realized at that moment I had circled back around. 
I was right back in front of Scully's place. I headed 
back up hoping that everyone was gone, by the time I 
reached her apartment door it sounded empty inside. I 
knocked softly and heard Kayla yell, "I'll get it." 
However Scully came to the door.

"Mulder," she said in a single breath. "I thought you 
had went home."

"I didn't say good-night to Kayla," I replied. Where 
that excuse had come from so quickly I didn't know. 
"Is the coast clear."

"I'm sorry about Bill, big brother syndrome."

"Well I'm sure I would act the same way if you were 
my sister and hanging out with a nutt-ball like 
myself."

"Get in here Mulder," Scully said grabbing my arm and 
pulling me in.

"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled as she ran into my arms. 
"Mommy said I could give you this," Kayla said as she 
showed me a picture in her hand. It's a picture 
grandma took of me, Mommy, and William Michael. She 
said it was for me, but we see each other all the 
time. You have to go home without us."

"Thank you Miss Kayla."

"Your welcome Mr. Fox. Come see my house please."

"In a minute."

"Fos," Peanut called from his place in the living 
room.

"How's the little man?" I asked him. 

He smiled, grabbed onto a nearby table and began to 
toddle away from it toward me.

"Oh my goodness," Scully gasped. "He's actually 
trying to walk without holding on," 

Knowing he had never tried this before, we began to 
cheer the small boy on. He smiled and toddled slowly 
toward our friendly voices heading straight for me. I 
was surprised he had decided to walk for me. Then 
again, I suppose it made sense. He liked Scully to 
hold him, so he rather not walk. Maybe he thought he 
had to impress me.

He finally made it to my arms. Scully and I cheered 
like any couple who had just seen their baby take 
their first steps. We congratulated the boy, patted 
him and talked in that ridiculous baby talk. I still 
wonder who came up with that foolishness and why 
parents always seem to revert to it in a moment of 
pride.

When Kayla came to find out what the commotion was 
about, she was just as excited.



I did play in Kayla's dollhouse later. Then we read a 
book to her brother. Scully and I put them in bed, 
where Kayla asked for a goodnight kiss from both of 
us, and then Scully and I went in the kitchen to wash 
dishes.

"You know, I could get use to this," I said as I 
dryad a plate.

"Mulder, don't, we had a nice evening. But it isn't 
always this--" Scully sighed. "Not now okay."

"Okay, so how long are you planning on sharing a bed 
with Kayla?"

"I'm moving into a bigger apartment--a three 
bedroom."

"Oh"

"I really wish I could get Kayla a house, with a big 
backyard. I guess that's a part of having children, 
wanting them to have everything they want and 
everything you want for them."

"Your going to be a great mom Scully," I smiled 
involuntarily. I meant it as a sentiment, but I hated 
when I started smiling uncontrollably. And only one 
person could do make me feel that way, my Scully. I 
was standing next to my Scully washing dishes and I 
couldn't have been happier. One day Scully, you'll 
see this is where I always want to be.

When the dishes were done, we settled down to watch 
TV. The news was on and I found myself completely 
captivated by a mysterious case. A teenage boy in 
Tennessee had been captured for the murder of three 
other high school boys. He claimed it wasn't him, 
that he had a psychic connection to the real 
murderer. Of course everyone thought he was crazy.

"You think this kid's for real?" I asked Scully 
knowing what her answer would be, but needing to hear 
it from Scully's lips.

"Mulder, many serial killers displace their guilt by 
claiming to be controlled by some outside force."

"But this kid is claiming he didn't do it at all--he 
just is tapped into the killer's mind."

"This is your next X-File, isn't it Mulder?"

"I guess it is," I said with a smile. If the kid was 
telling the truth, there were few who would listen to 
him. "I know I can't convince you to join me."

"No, not this time. You better go home now."

"Before we end up back in bed together," I asked 
looking directly into those brilliant challenging 
eyes. I couldn't resist it, at that moment I wanted 
to kiss her. I felt myself moving towards her, 
slowly, giving her a chance to tell me to stop or 
move away. But instead she met my kiss with her own. 
Our lips touch delicately, as if to ask if this was 
okay and they all agreed it was, so they teased each 
other a little more, still softly, no tongues--just 
lips. Then, in mutual agreement, we pulled away.

"See you later," I said softly as I got up to leave. 
I had to leave now before I forgot why I kissed her. 
Why had I kissed her? Oh yes, to leave her with an "I 
love you" she would believe.

Scully didn't say anything and I couldn't tell what 
it was she was thinking. I let myself out.




In Tennessee I met up with the local Detective on the 
case, Det. Harris. I could tell the detective was 
still wet behind the ears. It took her five minutes 
it to tell me the case was open and shut and there 
was no reason for me to be down there.

"Do you have some objection to me talking to the 
subject. You know there are well documented cases on 
the X-Files..."

"Yes, Yes, Agent Mulder. I did my homework. I have 
the run down of your credentials. But this case is 
solved and ready to prosecute."

"And what if you have the wrong man?" I asked.

"I don't," she replied snidely and walked away.

I had already talked to the kid's lawyer, I figured 
he would allow me to talk to the boy.


After I got myself a room and settled in, I went to 
talk to the boy in question. He was a small boy, 
looked more like fourteen than seventeen. But his 
eyes were strong, sure. There wasn't a trace of 
feigned insanity or false mystical conjuring, like 
the stupid, I mean stupendous Yappi. 

"Hello William O'Donell, I'm agent Fox Mulder."

"Yes, my lawyer informed me you would be coming." 

We shook hands and I sat down beside him.

"So, do you really believe me? Everyone else thinks 
I'm crazy. Are you here to prove it for them?"

"I've been given a few labels myself."

"Ah yeah, for what? I mean what could a clean cut 
all-American man such as yourself have been accused 
of?"

"Belief in the existence of extraterrestrial."

Will burst out laughing. "I thought you FBI guys 
already knew the secrets."

"Well were not hear to talk about my beliefs--we're 
here to talk about yours."

Will shook his head, ready to get down to business. 
He put on no show, he didn't pretend to channel 
saints or anything of the like, just started talking.

"Sometimes I have his nightmares, other times I see 
what he sees. I can't really tell his reality from 
his dreams. The only thing that scares me about them 
is that I understand."

"Understand what?"

"He's gay, like me. I came out about a year ago. It's 
been a nightmare since. I turned into Kryptonite and 
everybody was Superman. Except my mother, she 
believes in me. I might be as crazy as this guy if 
she didn't. But my mother believes in me, so I 
believed someone would listen if I kept telling the 
truth. Have you ever had someone believe in you like 
that, even when it seemed the whole world was against 
you?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled the envelope that 
I had put Scully and the kids picture in. Then I slid 
it across the table to him.

"Who's this, your wife?"

"My partner, my ex-partner. And whenever the world's 
against me, she believes."

He gave the picture back and I stowed it away in my 
pocket.

"Your lucky. So what else do you want to know."

"Tell me about the killer."

"Like I said, he's homosexual, but he's also 
homophobic. His father is this big macho man who's 
abused him for years, I get visions of it all the 
time."

"Is the abuse sexual or physical."

"I've seen some physical, some verbal, if it was ever 
sexual he's blocked it. He's obsessed with pleasing 
his father because even when his mother pats him up, 
she tells him not to make his father so angry next 
time. So that it's still his fault. His father talked 
about me--about how I'm dammed for being gay. All his 
victims were boys he was attracted to, friends of 
his. He's an athlete, so they do little things like 
slap each other on the butt--you know. And when it's 
someone he's attracted to, it aggravates him, so he 
must destroy the desire to prevent his own 
damnation."

"It's that why he mutilates their faces and cuts off-
-well you know."

"Yeah, the first time I saw him murder--I was asleep. 
Mom was working the night shift. I crawled out of bed 
and spit up. Then I heard about the murder on the 
news. I was afraid to come forward, I couldn't 
believe what was happening. I kept getting visions 
though. Whenever his adrenaline is high out of anger 
or fear--I see it. I don't want to, ever since that 
first Murder though, it's been popping into my head 
more and more often.  When the second murder happened 
I was devastated. Third time, I tried to stop him. 
Tried to follow my vision even though it was making 
me sick. That's how they caught me, found me with the 
body, bloody. He ran when he saw me and I hadn't been 
paying enough attention to identify him. He's holding 
back now, but the itch is getting stronger. He will 
kill again."

"Do you know anything else about the killer?"

"His dad's a hunter, that's all. Always taught him 
the manly art of hunting," the boy replied 
sarcastically. "Manly art, killing some defenseless 
creature."

"You know, we could use a profiler like you down at 
the Bureau. What are you doing when you grow up?"

"You sure they would want "my kind" in the FBI."

"They let me in," I said with a smile. 

He wasn't the killer. 



Back at my hotel, I quickly picked up the phone and 
called Scully. I almost felt obligated to consult her 
on the case. No I wanted to talk to her.

"Hello," a little voice said on the other end of the 
line.

"Kayla," I said shocked. 

"Yeah, you want to talk to Mommy?"

"First tell me how your day was."

"Mommy took me to school today to get registered. 
They said I'm so smart I might not even have to go to 
kindergarten, I can go straight to first grade. Mommy 
say we should try kindergarten out for awhile. She's 
still looking for a baby sitter for Peanut and me 
after school. It's hard to find a Day Care that takes 
kids my age and babies too. Mommy says we'll be 
moving into that bigger apartment soon. I saw it 
already, looks just like this place with extra rooms. 
What you doing Mr. Fox?"

"My job. What me and Mommy do, catch bad guys."

"What did the guy do that was bad?"

"He killed someone."

"Why?"

"Um, because sometimes people get angry and they do 
the wrong thing."

"Why?"

I knew if I didn't redirect the conversation, she'd 
"why" me forever.

"I don't know if I can explain it Kayla, Let me talk 
to Mommy now?"

"Okay," Kayla said as she put down the phone and ran 
off. Five minutes later Scully picked up the phone.

"Mulder?" Scully asked.

"Yeah Scully, it's me. I e-mailed you my field 
notes."

"Mulder, I thought we agreed."

"Come on Scully, you really don't mind looking do 
you?"

She sighed, "I guess I don't. So do you think the 
kid's innocent?"

"Yeah, he's genuinely disgusted by the killer. He 
didn't put on a crying show or some other extreme 
measure to try to convince me of his innocence. The 
kid says the killer is afraid of his homosexual 
feelings and I believe he's right about the killer in 
that way. This kid, he's admitted being gay and 
accepted not being accepted."

"Accepted not being accepted, sounds like a man I 
know."

A knock at the door turned my attention away from the 
phone for a second.

"Excuse me Scully."

I got up and answered the door. It was Detective 
Harris. 

"Hello Agent. Mulder, I know you met William 
O'Donnell today."

"Yes I did and he's not your killer. Excuse me."

I went back to the phone. "Scully. . .Yeah. . 
.Detective Harris is here. . . Can we talk later? . . 
. Alright, bye."

I hung up.

"Is that the wife," Detective Harris asked.

"No, I'm not married. That was my ex-partner."

"Yeah, I knew that. I saw your interview with 
William. From the way you talked about her to Will, I 
figured she was much more."

"Detective, I'm sure you are here to talk about more 
than my personal life."

"We were lucky to catch this kid before he committed 
to many more murders."

"The kid didn't do it."

"We found him with the bloody body."

"This little town is just so quick to persecute him 
because he's different. You know I found the 
harassment reports his mother filed with the school 
and the police."

BRING! BRING!

Detective Harris' cell phone rang. She answered it.

"Hello. . .WHAT!!", Det. Harris' eyes fell on me. 
"You were right. They just found another body."

I grabbed my coat and the two of us went out the 
door. 


Det. Harris was a lot more agreeable after we 
discovered the body. I talked Scully into doing the 
autopsy and began working on the profile--which 
wasn't far from what Will had told me. When he was 
released, we did a lot of talking--going over his 
dreams in detail. When I had a complete profile, I 
went over it with local law enforcement. But for the 
first time I wasn't completely focused on the case. 
Everytime I looked beside me and saw Harris, I wished 
it was Scully. And every night I could--I called 
Scully and the kids to say good-night. Scully said 
Kayla wouldn't go to sleep unless I did.

At the end of the week, I was completely stressed. 
Will had called me in the middle of the night with 
yet another vision, but we had gotten to the crime 
scene just as the killer got away. Except this time 
he left the weapon--his father's hunting knife. He 
was easy to track then, by that evening the captain 
of the football team--Ray Goldbloom--had been 
arrested for the murder. 

Det. Harris' asked me to join her for a drink after 
we finally locked the guy up. I gave Will a goodbye 
and wished him well. Then I joined Det. Harris for 
that drink. She started a conversation on the present 
case, but somehow I started talking about Scully. I 
didn't even realize it, but suddenly I started 
talking about an X-File case similar to this one and 
that's how I got back to the subject of Scully. About 
fifteen minutes later, I was pulling out the kids 
picture, which hadn't been removed from my pocket 
since I'd shown it to Will.

"You really love her, don't you?" Det. Harris asked.

"I'm that transparent?" I asked. She nodded. "Good 
luck convincing her of that. I suppose I understand. 
When you're in law enforcement and you have kids, 
when you know just how cruel the world can be--people 
can be. Then it's--"

"Is she worth the risk?" Det. Harris asked looking 
into my eyes, as if to confirm some type of 
solidarity.

"She saved my life Harris, more than once. I suppose 
partners are suppose to be there for each other. But 
she always went above and beyond the call of duty. I 
mean I guess I've done the same for her, but it was 
my quest--it made sense for me to do those things, 
but her. It took me four years to kiss her and then 
it was only on the forehead. I was always testing my 
boundaries, seeing how close I could get, then I 
become afraid I was too close and I'd push away, go 
off somewhere in my head, try to focus on anything 
but her."

"Would you give your "life's work" up for her?"

"I don't know, I really don't know if I can. I mean a 
little over a week ago I was with Scully trying to 
convince her I could, than I find out about this boy 
and quicker than I can say good-bye--I'm here."

"And still calling Scully to consult her on a case. 
Do you always call her by her last name?"

"Mostly, her first name's Dana, it's a soft name 
isn't it. I've only called her Dana a few times, a 
mutual respect thing. I don't like the name Fox too 
much for obvious reasons, so I told her I preferred 
Mulder and it's the only thing she's ever called me. 
But there are times when she says it in the most--" I 
stopped, here. I was in an unfamiliar bar spilling my 
guts to some Detective I'd barely known a week.

"Here's a life story for you. Both my parents were US 
Marshals. They met on the job, they were partners--
had been for ten years when they got married. Of 
course they didn't stay partners after. When my mom 
had me, I was more important than the job. Dad said 
we could work it out. Mom wasn't willing to risk it. 
We moved away from dad before I reached my fourth 
birthday. He died on the job before I reached my 
fifth. And my mother regretted for the rest of her 
life that she didn't at least get to spend that last 
year of his life with him. She said, as a former 
member of law enforcement she should have known the 
dangers of the world weren't going anywhere and all 
one can do is try to have a normal life despite."

I glanced at my watch, it was late and Kayla was 
expecting my good-night call. 

"I have to go, thanks for the company and help on the 
case."

"Your welcome."




The next day, as I was preparing for my long flight 
home. I kept thinking about Det. Harris' story. Sure 
it was a long way from me and Scully, we were on the 
X-Files--it wasn't your average case of on the job 
hazards. Or maybe it was, maybe at the end of the day 
one had to accept life had dangers and someone always 
got the short in of the stick. Well there's only one 
man I could think of who would even remotely 
understand. We weren't really friends, but he would 
know.




"Agent Mulder?" Frank Black questioned as he looked 
at me, standing at his door.

"Dad, I'm going to Julie's house," Jordan said as she 
slipped past her father.

"Jordan," Frank began.

"I know the rules dad, I love you."

Then Jordan disappeared down the block.

"So why are you here Agent Mulder. You know I don't 
consult anymore."

"Yeah, I know. Actually this is more of a personal 
matter."

"Come in," Frank Black directed.

I entered his house and we sat on his couch. The 
first thing I noticed was a picture of his wife and 
daughter.

"That's you wife?"

"Yeah."

"If you could start all over, would you change 
everything?"

"Why are you asking Agent Mulder?"

I pulled the envelope from my pocket again and showed 
the picture to Frank Black.

"I didn't know Agent Scully had children."

"She didn't before, she just adopted them. And 
because she did, she left the X-Files. Ever since, 
I've been telling myself that I want to be a father 
to Kayla and her brother, but Scully, she thinks 
being on the X-Files would mean neglecting them."

"Is it just for the kids or do you miss Agent 
Scully?"

"I love her Mr. Black. It's been getting easier and 
easier to say that the last couple days. I just don't 
know if Scully's right. I mean, you lost your wife. 
And your daughter for a time. Wasn't there a time you 
just wished you had walked away and given them a 
chance to lead a normal life."

"What is a normal life Mr. Mulder? For me it was 
coming home to my family in my little yellow house. I 
know for certain that if I had never tried to have 
that yellow house with my wife and my daughter and my 
dog, I would have been a true failure even if I 
succeeded in my work. My wife and I weren't even 
suppose to have a child, but we had Jordan. And 
that's when I knew, even if the cards are stacked 
against you, you have to try." Frank Black handed the 
picture back. "They're beautiful kids Agent Mulder."

"Thanks," I replied putting the picture away. "How 
are things with you?"

"I have Jordan."



*******************


I hardly thought about what I was doing when I went 
to Scully's apartment. I hadn't been home yet, hadn't 
planned what to say to her, my bags were still in the 
car. I knocked on the door of Scully's new apartment, 
expecting Scully or Kayla to answer, instead an 
unknown woman answered the door.

"Yes, sir?"

"Hi, I'm Fox Mulder. Does Dana Scully live here?

"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled as she ran out the door into 
my arms.

"Kayla, you know him?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, this is Mr. Fox, he's my daddy," Kayla smiled.

"Um Kayla, I'm not your daddy."

"I meant my daddy doll," Kayla giggled. "Come on and 
meet R.J."

Kayla pulled me into the apartment, past what I could 
only assume was the baby sitter.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Fox. This is Miss Stevie," Kayla 
said as she paused for a second.

"Fos," I heard a little voice say as Peanut toddled 
toward me and grabbed onto my leg. An unfamiliar four 
year old boy was standing in Scully's new living 
room."

"This is Ron Jr., we call him R.J. He's in the 
playgroup I go to after school," Kayla explained.

"But where's Mommy?"

"She's out with Ron again."

"Again?"

"Yeah, well toke us last time, but not this time. Ron 
had reservations at some fancy place."

"Fos, Fos," Peanut cried as he put up his arms to be 
picked up. I obliged him. 

"Excuse me Mr. Fox, Mulder, whatever your name is, 
until Miss Scully comes home I think you should--"

Stevie stopped only because Scully came in the front 
door. Kayla was smiling as she held my hand.

"Mulder, what are you doing here?"

"Well I was back and--"

"Daddy," the other little boy yelled as he ran to the 
man coming through the door behind Scully.

"Hey R.J.," the man said picking up his son.

The other man's eyes met mine over the father/son 
embrace. Then my eyes fell back on Scully demanding 
an explanation. However Stevie was the next person to 
speak.

"I did not let him in here Miss Scully, Kayla pulled 
him in before I--"

"It's okay, this is my friend Mulder. He's 
practically family."

"Oh, so your the famous Fox Mulder," Ron said. "I 
tell you Dana talks about you a lot. Your one 
interesting man."

"And you are?"

"Mulder, this is Ronald," Scully began, her eyes more 
focused on the floor than us. "R.J. is in Kayla's 
playgroup."

Scully fumbled with her purse and pulled out the 
babysitters payment. Ron said he had to get R.J. home 
and gave "Dana" a kiss on the cheek as he headed out 
the door. And I felt myself begin to burn up from the 
inside, not because he kissed her, but because it 
seemed all to familiar, comfortable. If I hadn't been 
aware of Kayla and her brother in the room, if it had 
been just he--I--and Scully, I might have punched 
him. That familiarity was suppose to be mine and mine 
alone

"I'm glad he's gone," Kayla said falling on the 
couch. 

"Kayla," Scully yelled.

"Well I don't like Ronald, he's boring. Every time I 
eat a piece of candy tells me how bad it is for me."

"This little one is really starting to have a smart 
mouth and I blame you," Scully said taking Peanut 
from me and walking into the kitchen.

"Me, what did I do?" I asked following Scully.

"She admires you Mulder, you think she didn't catch 
that look you threw Ron. I saw it, you know I'm not 
your property."

"Who said you were?"

"Why are you here Mulder?"

"To see you, the kids. Why are you acting like this?"

"Why did you kiss me? Before you left here to go on 
your big "case", why did you kiss me?"

"Because"

"Because what?"

"Because I wanted to."

"You know, the next time you called me--It was about 
a case--as always."

"I called to say goodnight every night," I argued not 
comprehending Scully's logic.

"Yeah, to say goodnight to Kayla. All these years 
Mulder and you've never called me just to say 
goodnight. You've fallen in love with Kayla and she's 
fallen in love with you and I understand because it 
happened to me, but don't pretend like you want me 
when it's her you want."

"Where is this coming from?"

"A lot of thinking, in-between your little e-mails 
about the case and good-night phone calls to Kayla. I 
realized that its selfish with you and I--it's all 
about total and complete possession. Neither of us 
are very good at sharing."

"Stop yelling at him Mommy," Kayla said coming into 
the kitchen.

"Kayla, go back and watch TV."

"No, your being mean to Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled. "Your 
going to make him go away and never come back. Just 
like Mommy and daddy. Why do you keep sending him 
away Mommy? One day he's not going to come back."

I looked into her little face, on the brink of tears, 
and my heart broke. Scully was left speechless. 
William Michael was again the only one left neutral 
as he examined the faces around him, not 
understanding what was going on.

"Kayla, come here," I said sitting in a chair and 
patting my lap. She came to me and sat down.

"Miss Kayla, no matter what happens. Me and you, 
we're friends now. And just because me and mommy 
argue doesn't change who we are to each other."

"You promise?"

"Always, Kayla." I sighed, this sentence was becoming 
easier to say, so I might as well say it. "I love 
you."

"I love you too Mr. Fox," Kayla said throwing her 
arms around me. 

Children, so accepting of those simple words, until 
someone taught them it wasn't as simple as the words. 
If only Scully was as easy to convince. I met her 
eyes over Kayla's shoulder. Victory, yes that's what 
I saw. As if she had proven her point. Wrong Scully, 
I got a long way to go, but I will prove those words 
to you, also.





I didn't know what to say to Scully that night, so I 
said nothing. I instead played a board game with 
Kayla. Peanut sat nearby playing with a talking 
alphabet table. He kept hitting the "K" key. He was 
absolutely fascinated with the toy saying his 
sister's name. I knew how quick one could fall in 
love with little kids, but I never knew how complete 
I would feel just by being among them. I didn't want 
to go back home again, back to the loneliness. 

I ate dinner with them, but Scully and I didn't 
communicate. Kayla shared a story with us and we 
responded to her only. Each of us took turns with 
Peanut's task. His mouth was a mess, Scully wiped his 
face with a napkin. He dropped his spoon, I picked it 
up and washed it. Little things like that. 

After dinner, Kayla took me to her room and showed me 
the "go away" house she built for her father doll, 
the one she said was me. It was a shoebox with some 
cardboard furniture she had made herself. She said 
whenever I went away, she would put him/me in that 
box. I would tuck her in bed later and give her a 
kiss goodnight, while Scully did the same with 
Peanut. Then we would switch. Then Scully walked me 
to the door.

"You can't keep doing this."

"What?"

"Living a delusion. We're not---?"

"We lived the delusion before and you ended up with 
two beautiful kids. Scully what do you think I'm 
getting out of this?"

"I believe you want this, the family, the stability, 
the unconditional love, but I don't believe you 
realize what that means."

"You think I'm immature?"

"That could be a definition of it."

"You know what, you're the one who's immature. You 
can't handle the truth."

"What truth?"

"This Truth," I said grabbing her with more force 
than intended and planting a firm kiss on her lips. I 
expected her to push me away, to smack me, to push me 
out the door. But instead she responded. Only in my 
imagination would our lips have met so fiercely? I 
had been driven by anger to touch her lips, but now I 
was afraid to stop--afraid rational Scully would 
appear and stop her from completing this act. The 
only thing I could think of to prove how much I loved 
her.

I pulled away from our fierce kiss cautiously. I had 
to make sure this act wasn't a selfish one. That we 
agreed upon the next step, that she was my partner in 
the next move.

"Do you want me?" I asked gently caressing her soft 
cheek, allowing  my finger to gently glide across her 
lower lips. She didn't have to answer, the look she 
gave me was all I needed to understand. 

So I took my goddess into my arms and led her into 
the bedroom. She gave me no protest, just opened up 
to me in a way I never expected. I sunk into her 
warmth and gave her mine. Neither of us were fighting 
for control, we simply gave as good as we got. Our 
love making was completely about the pleasure of the 
other. And I got to fall asleep with this woman, my 
partner, who had become my lover, in my arms. I was 
sorry I hadn't called her just to say hello, but I 
never did so I guess I didn't think about it.




"Mulder," a soft voice whispered lulling me awake.

"Huh," I said, awakened by her movements out of my 
arms.

"You need to go before the kids wake up."

"Why?" I asked yawning, but not moving out of 
Scully's bed.

"Because, I don't want Kayla getting any ideas," 
Scully whispered as if they were going to be bursting 
through the door any minute finding their mother in a 
compromised position.

"Scully, I thought. . .What's going on?"

"Mulder I'm not denying, but--" Scully sighed. "I 
don't know what I'm doing anymore. I need a handle on 
myself. I'm not even settled into my role as mother. 
I can't handle questioning our friendship right now."

"But you can handle Ron?"

"Ron's different, he's a father, we trade parenting 
tips."

I really did not get this woman, I never had. But I 
thought giving yourself as we had would at least 
change her doubt, but it didn't. She still doubted I 
loved her, really loved her. I thought we had 
confirmed it last night, let go of the it. But 
obviously I was just the whore Scully had used to let 
go of some pressure. Angry with her and her constant 
doubt of me, I searched the room for my pants and 
pulled them on. 

"Don't go away angry," Scully said reading my body 
language. "Mulder, you are the most important--my 
best friend."

"Well maybe I want to be more Scully and if you can't 
see that, maybe--" I stopped myself, I didn't want to 
finish the sentence. Even in this moment of raging 
anger, I didn't want to think it. 

I was sloppily dressed and out the door before I even 
thought about my next words.




By the time I got to work, I was tired of agonizing 
over what was going on in Scully's head. I had given 
all I could, proven how much I loved her in the only 
way I knew how. And she had sent me packing. Still, 
her chair sat before me, reminding me of how 
incomplete I was again. Another partner, I could 
never have. No one could ever compliment me the way 
she could, from day one we had been in opposition yet 
always traveling the same road. 

"Agent Mulder," my boss' voice announced itself, 
bringing me back to reality.

"Yes sir," I replied to Skinner like an accused kid 
waiting for his father's reprimand.

I knew my hair was still disheveled. I hadn't really 
paid attention when I dressed this morning, so I knew 
I looked bad. But since I basically had to do 
paperwork all day, I didn't really care how I looked, 
no one would be looking at me. I was in the basement, 
the lonely cold friggin basement. It didn't matter 
when she was here, but now--

"Are you okay?"

"Fine sir, I'm the king of the world," I replied 
leaning back in my chair. I refused to reveal how 
pitiful I felt.

"Well you don't look fine."

"What are you talking about? This is the look of a 
free man. You've dealt with a divorce--"

"Your not married to her Mulder, she was your 
partner."

"Was she? Just my partner I mean."

"No, she was your friend. She was my friend to." 
Skinner turned to me, "Or was she more than a 
friend."

"What are you implying sir? I never compromised our 
working partnership."

"Well it's none of my business, but no matter what 
your feeling, you have to--"

"Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled running through the 
office door. I couldn't help but smile when I saw 
her. I don't think Skinner had ever met Scully's new 
duo so he was quite shocked to see the little girl so 
familiar with me.

"Whoa, Mommy said your office was cool."

Scully came in behind the little one strolling 
Kayla's brother. He smiled when he saw me and began 
clapping. "Fos," he said struggling to get out. 
Scully took him out the stroller and he toddled over 
to me. She greeted Skinner, who told her she had a 
couple of beautiful kids. Then Skinner excused 
himself. 

"Mulder we need to talk," Scully said sitting in her 
old seat in front of my desk. Peanut crawled into her 
lap, Kayla was sitting in mine.

"Fos, that?" Peanut asked pointing to a picture on 
the desk. 

"It's an alien," I said in response to him. "What do 
we have to talk about Scully?"

"Fos' Alweium," Peanut said to Scully.

"Yes Peanut," she responded to the baby boy. "About a 
lot of things Mulder."

"Well I have work to do, so..."

"Hey Mr. Fox, what's back there?" Kayla asked.

"Go look," I responded as she hopped out of my lap.

"But don't touch anything," Scully hollered behind 
her.

We both watched her go to explore the back of the 
office then turned to each other.

"Scully you've made your point. I'm not going to 
fight it anymore."

"Kayla asked me why you weren't there this morning."

"And what did you say?"

"Because you had to go to work. She said she wished 
you were her daddy and that you were there all the 
time. She needs you. I need you to be there for her. 
And that's a big responsibility."

"You think I don't know that Scully? I love Kayla." 

"And Peanut?"

"It took a little longer, but yes." I smiled. This 
was my opportunity to prove I could be responsible.

"Mulder do me a favor, go home, clean yourself up, 
because your a mess.  We'll finish up this paperwork 
at my house."

"Alright."

"Then we'll talk" 

"Alright," I replied. 


What the hell did I mean 'alright', that woman had 
just ejected me from her bed this morning like some 
whore she had had a fling with for the night. And I 
was smiling, my stupid ass was smiling. But Kayla was 
there, how could I not smile? Just seeing her made me 
want to smile, to hold her, to run away from all of 
them.

Yes, to run away. Wanting them so much made me want 
to run away. But the need to prove Scully wrong was 
stronger than the need to run. But did that mean that 
I would run upon victory? Maybe I didn't have to 
prove anything to Scully, maybe I needed to prove it 
to myself.




I had a load of files in my hand as I entered 
Scully's apartment.  I intentionally showed up after 
the children's bedtime. I had seen them once today, 
so I didn't feel the need to play with them. Besides, 
I had to stay serious and mature for Scully and that 
wouldn't happen around Kayla. 

Scully came to me wearing a pair of those lovely silk 
PJs. She told me to stay quiet, because it had taken 
her hours to get Peanut and Kayla in bed. I couldn't 
help asking if I could look in on them. She nodded 
and I sat the paperwork down before entering Kayla's 
room. 

All the rumors were true, there was nothing like 
seeing your child asleep. They seem to transform from 
little monsters to little cherubs before you. They 
possessed this angelic light all of a sudden. And 
though they were doing nothing, one was in awe of 
their frozen moment of complete perfection. Maybe it 
was because of the innocence of children. There world 
was so simple and secure, but as time passes they are 
slowly taught that mom and dad are human and that 
they can't protect them from everything in the world. 
It's even harder when you learn mom and dad are the 
cause of your harm. Was that self reflection again?

Well, maybe I could do better. I would put my all 
into protecting them. But Frank Black had done the 
same for his family, only to lose a wife. I couldn't 
stand losing any of them, but I couldn't stay away, 
not try. I had promised Kayla. And that promise was 
one I could follow up on, just to be there. No matter 
what happened tonight or with Scully.

But how I wanted Scully. I remembered the first time 
I saw her. I thought I had her all measured up, I 
thought I comprehended everything about her just by 
reading one stupid file. But she surprised me, from 
moment one she surprised me, challenged me. Most 
people exhibited one of two extremes toward me, one 
they told me what a "bright young man" I was and how 
I screwed up or two called me crazy. I didn't feel 
like a "bright young man", profiling was just 
something I fell into. Maybe I felt understanding 
madness would give me insight into myself, but I only 
became more confused about myself. My insight into 
the heads of mad men had been so clear, but when I 
reflected upon myself I could see nothing. Then I ran 
across the X-Files and became entirely fascinated by 
them, it was as if the doors of perception had been 
opened and my life had been given definitive meaning. 
I was consumed by a desire to know it all. Then 
Scully came along. She fascinated me almost as much 
as my work. No matter what she saw, she always 
approached each case with this calm, cool, 
professional exterior. I was struck with utter awe 
and disbelief the first time I read an X-File. And as 
much as I envied her professionalism, I got a kick 
out of making her lose it. There's just something 
about "ticked off Scully". Scully, it's such a hard 
name a rough name. I had called her Dana a few times, 
but it didn't roll off the tongue like Scully. She 
had just the right name, a mixture of Soft and Hard. 

"Mulder?" Scully questioned as she came into Kayla's 
room. "Are we going to work tonight."

"Yeah, I guess I just got caught."

"She is beautiful. Sometimes I've stood in their room 
and watched the two of them sleep, not believing I 
actually have this little girl, even if--"

"She didn't come from you. Kayla Diana Scully. I 
sounds right."

"My mother says in was meant to me. William Scully, 
my father's name. What's the chances of me adopting a 
child with my father's first name."

"Very high since my father and your brother also have 
that name."

"And you, it is your middle name. My mom calls him 
Bill, though everybody else calls him Peanut now."

"A kid with a thousand names."

"We should probably get to work or we're going to 
spend all night in here."

"What if I wanted to?"

"What if you wanted to what?"

"Spend the rest of my life in a room, with you?"

"Let's not get off track Mulder," Scully said 
slipping back out the door. 


I followed her and we sat down beside each other at 
the kitchen table and began working like the old pros 
we were. I have to say working at Scully's apartment 
was far better than working at mine or at work. She 
had a nice supply of snacks and thanks to Kayla, this 
now included Sunflower seeds--loved that kid. Her 
refrigerator actually had real food, while mine was 
still waiting to see what food was. She had a nice 
long table, so it was easy to spread the papers out. 
And the excellent coffee maker, a gift from her 
lovely mother, kept you awake with the scent of 
brewing coffee when you were just about ready to curl 
up and go to sleep.

You wouldn't have believed Scully was off the X-Files 
the way she worked that night. Though I had 
incomplete paper work backed up until way before she 
left, she was  no longer required to help me out like 
this, so why was she? Because she wanted to. Was she 
waiting for me to speak?

"So how are things with Ron?" I spoke up, only 
because I could think of nothing else.

Scully froze right where she was and gave me this 
unsettled look.

"I know what we did Mulder."

"I didn't say anything about that, I asked. . ."

"About Ron, but you don't want to talk about Ron."

I turned away silent, she had seen through me to 
fast. Or maybe she hadn't seen through me, maybe she 
wanted to talk as bad as I did and was just testing 
me.

"There's something I want to ask you anyway."

"What?"

"Would you be the kids godfather? They love you. It 
would mean the world to them."

"And to you?" Didn't she get it? I wanted to be there 
father.

I slowly slid my chair closer to hers. It was obvious 
Scully had things set in her head that we should be 
apart for the sake of the children, but she was 
offering to make me their godfather? 

"Why would you want an irresponsible man like me to 
be your children's godfather. Someone from whom you 
obviously wanted a single night of wild, hot--"

"Mulder stop."

"I just feel so used," I said sarcastically, but I 
was quite serious.

"See that's your problem Mulder, I'm trying to ask 
you something serious and you turn it into a game. 
When are you going to be serious Mulder?"

Didn't she get it? "Scully, I--"

"Mulder, you what?"

Shit, I could never say just the right thing to her, 
not with words anyway. I reached for her and pulled 
her to me, before she had a chance to think about 
escape and planted a heavy kiss on her lips. I wanted 
to touch that beautiful body again, to hold her in my 
arms. But I wanted it to be every day, every night, 
but she didn't believe that. And maybe when things 
were hard, I would still think of running, but I 
couldn't run. Scully had been the redemption from my 
darkness, without her I would have died for my cause 
by now. Even with the protection of a man who claimed 
to be my father. This was my last chance at family, 
this was my last chance at love, and without them I 
would die.

And Scully was accepting my kiss like a starved 
woman. Our first time had been very tentative, slow, 
we had cherished each other's bodies. But now she was 
as fevered as me, her body asking me to push forward 
and take hold of her. So I did, I took her body into 
my possession, made her mine. Refusing to let her go, 
I near carried her into her room, never letting my 
lips leave her skin--getting reacquainted with her 
chest, hair, breast, lips. I swallowed her groans and 
moans, and gasp of pleasure inside. She was mine, she 
wanted to be mine, because she held onto me. Is this 
what she wanted, for me to act.

In the aftermath however, I saw this episode had been 
just like the first, that we wouldn't talk about it. 
We would again wake up in the morning and act like we 
could avoid yesterday, but I couldn't allow that. 
Lying awake in her bed, holding Scully, I felt 
complete, truly complete. 

"Mulder, Can we do this?"

"We already did it?"

"That's not what I mean, can we fall in love?"

I didn't know how to answer that question. Could we?

"Scully," I whispered softly in her ear. 

She started to turn toward me, but I stopped her, 
wanting to keep curled up in my arms, as close to my 
body as hers could be.

"Don't move, please. I want to say something, if this 
all we can have, I don't want anything."

"What?"

"I want it all Scully, I want to give you all you 
deserve."

"Mulder, for years I've wanted was to lose myself in 
someone, especially since-- I was afraid, I'm still 
afraid. I'm not as strong as you think I am."

"Yes you are," I said running my hands across her 
face. "Scully, will you tell me what you were like as 
a kid."

Scully giggled, a giggle I hadn't heard since we'd 
played baseball. In ran though me like sweet honey. 

"Why in the hell would you want to know that Mulder?"

"Because, I'm curious."

"Mulder, you're not going to shape shift into Eddie 
Van Blunt in a minute, are you?"


We laughed and after some encouragement, Scully bore 
me a childhood tale--in exchange I offered the same. 
Most of the stories were of Samantha and I at a very 
young age. Hers were also about her brothers and 
sister, her relationship with her parents, friends. 
We bore our souls in a new way that night, we made 
love in a new way. Instead of some disaster bringing 
us closer, in a moment of pure joy we shared our 
past. 

In the morning, I slipped from Scully's side and went 
into Kayla's room. She still seemed to be asleep. Her 
daddy doll was laying in the box next to her doll 
house. I walked up to it and removed him, placing him 
in the room with the mother doll. I turned and saw 
Kayla sitting in the bed smiling at me.

"Daddy?" she asked.

"Sure, why not," I smiled. She ran across the bed 
into my arms.

"My daddy, forever and ever."

"Forever and ever, I promise," I agreed stroking the 
little girl's hair.  And I meant it, with my whole 
heart. 


THE END