From: WGPD33A@prodigy.com (MR JOHN J SHENKO) Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1998 21:08:19, -0500 Subject: David Is Disgruntled Title: David Is Disgruntled Author: Christina Category: SH (I'm hopeful about the humor part) Rating: PG-13, there's language Keywords: none Spoilers: Schizogeny Summary: A line in the script of Schizogeny is causing David Duchovny some grief. Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter. David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Jessica Scott, Mike Wolleager, and Ralph Hemecker all belong to themselves. I'm just putting words in their mouths. Apologies. Archive: Wherever your little heart desires, just keep my name and email on it, and drop me a note to tell me where it's going. Thanks! Author's Explanation for This Crazy Bit of Madness: Hi. I was watching a rerun of Schizogeny, and I caught this line that I didn't notice the first time around. I could just imagine how much David Duchovny would have loved his face rubbed into the whole rain-in-Vancouver issue yet again, so I wrote this story. Apologies to all of you who like DD. He's hot, and I absolutely, positively love his portrayal of Mulder, but in all his interviews he sounds kind of whiny. I don't know. Flame me, praise me, whatever, at WGPD33A@prodigy.com. Thanks. ~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~` Mulder eyed the cadaver on the table, then looked up at Scully. "That's a lot of mud." "They say it rained 400 inches," Scully said, glancing down. "CUT!!" director Ralph Hemecker yelled irritably, prompting Gillian to giggle uncontrollably. "Why are you two incapable of doing this scene? David, you are *not* supposed to turn purple with rage here! And Gillian, why the *hell* do you keep laughing? We have deadlines, people! Come on!" "Ralph, didn't you *know?*" Gillian asked through fits of laughter. "Know what?" the director asked, puzzled. "About the 400 inches of rain thing. You see, David --" "David fucked it up big time," David interrupted angrily. "I said *once* how I hated the goddamn weather of this place, how it rains 400 inches a day. Now people stop me in the street to yell at me, that comment is put in every goddamn article of every goddamn interview I do, and now it's in an episode. This really pisses me off! Who the hell wrote this script?" He picked up his copy of the script lying on a chair outside of the camera range and read off the front cover. "Jessica Scott and Mike Wolleager? Who the hell are these people?" "Now, David, just calm down. I'll say the line quietly, no one will even notice," Gillian tried to soothe her costar. "No one will notice? Do you remember the kind of people that watch this show? They picked up indiscrepancies in the ties I wore to film that Small Potatoes episode! They'll notice this, and I'll be the laughingstock of the entire Internet!" Gillian and Ralph exchanged a look. He could be so troublesome sometimes. "Look, David--" "I've got another problem with this script! Why do I have to sink into the mud? And if I do, why do I have to do it with an adolescent boy? That kind of bothers me." "David, let me talk to you." Gillian pulled him over for a conference beside the refrigerated morgue cabinet. "Have you forgotten that this is our job? People write the scripts and we are paid to act them out. It isn't about making you happy, it's about making the fans and the network happy. Now I'd like you to pull yourself together and stop acting like a spoiled child!" She took a deep breath. "You have been giving off so much negative energy, my karma has really been shot to hell lately. Stop it." "Yes, Mom," David said sullenly. "All right, everyone, we're good to go," Gillian shouted and cameras, lights, and microphones started to move. "Okay, Morgue Scene 1 of 3, take 18. And -- action!" Mulder eyed the cadaver on the table, then looked up at Scully. "That's a lot of mud." ****************************************************** Please tell me what you thought at WGPD33A@prodigy.com. Thank you! ~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~` David Duchovny: "What the fuck is taking so long?" Rob Bowman: "It's a movie, David. It takes longer to make." --Costar and director on the set of "The X-Files: Fight the Future" (source: Newsweek, June 22, 1998, page 74)