Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 03:27:30 GMT From: snookie2@my-dejanews.com Subject: New!Dear Dana, Dear Fox, Oh Dear Title: Dear Dana, Dear Fox, Oh Dear Author: C. J. Meeds Category: story angst MSR Rating: NC-17 Dislcaimer: Mulder and Scully and Skinner belong to Chris Carter, who is much much cooler than I. Please don't sue me! Sumary: A terrible misunderstanding about a letter ends up with our agents finally discussing their true feelings for each other Email: snookie2@my-dejanews.com Archive: Anywhere, as long as my name stays attached! Notes: This is my first x-files fanfic and I don't know if it's any good so I would really like to hear what you think. It starts out a little unhappy, but don't worry--everything works out okay! XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx She knew it was going to be a bad day the instant he walked into the office. Normally, Mulder would show up with Starbucks coffee in hand, almost whistling under his breath. Scully knew that her partner was happiest when he was at work, so his stormy green eyes and tousled hair came as a surprise to her. Wisely, she said nothing; the color of Mulder's eyes was the barometer of his moods, and green said, Don't ask. Scully resigned herself to waiting out the tempest; he would talk to her when he was ready. She went into the small anteroom off their new office and took things from the shelves to make coffee for them both. From time to time she stole a glance at Mulder, who was slamming around the drawers, making more noise than was necessary, and rustling papers in an obvious attempt to gain her attention. At last she went back in, placed the steaming styrofoam cup on his desk, and leaned her hips back against the file cabinet, folding her arms across her chest. "Looking for something?" she asked. He flashed a look up at her that startled her out of her patient resignation; he was not angry after all. Mulder was frightened. "Wha--what?" Scully reached out and touched one small palm to her partner's forehead. "Mulder, are you feeling okay?" He jumped when she touched him and so she took her hand away. "Do you want some coffee?" she asked, gesturing over towards the steaming machine. "What're you looking for?" Mulder shook his head. "Umm. Yeah, sure, coffee would be great." Looking at him strangely, Scully walked back across the room and poured him a cup. Cream, no sugar, just like he always drank. (We're worse than an old married couple), she thought. Briefly she wondered what it would of been like if she had just done like her father wanted her to--become a doctor, get married, make money, have kids. What a strange substitute this was. Not that she hated it, or even regretted it. But there were times when she wished she had something more. (More what, Dana?) She shook those thoughts from her mind and carried the coffee back to Mulder, who accepted it gratefully and took a sip. He still looked nervous, though. "Mulder, what is it?" she asked again. He shook his head, trying to make her think it was nothing but she knew better. "Just something I misplaced," he said. "Well, maybe I can help you find it." "No!" he said, a little too quickly. "I mean...that is, its probably somewhere in all this mess. Wouldn't want you messing up my organization, right?" He grinned, trying to make it a joke. She arched an eyebrow. "You call THIS organization?" she said, gesturing at all the stacks of papers. "C'mon, Mulder, what is it? I'll help you." Mulder looked down into the familiar deep blue eyes. He thought sometimes he could see her soul in those eyes and it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Sometimes he wanted to tell her that, but he knew he couldn't. "It's...a letter," he admitted finally. "But it's, um, personal." Was it his imagination or did her face fall a little bit? "Oh," she said. "Okay. Well, I'll just get started on the expense reports from last week's case and you can keep looking." She returned to her side of the room and sat down at her desk. She tried to make herself concentrate on the paperwork, but inside her mind couldn't let her think. Personal? What the hell could be 'personal' to HER after all these years? She was his best friend, right? He looked over at Scully. She was his best friend in all the world. There was no one braver or prettier than her, and he loved her for it. (Whoops, Fox, where did that come from?) It came from the letter he couldn't find. The one he had been writing to her the night before and put in his file cabinet for safekeeping. Now it was gone, and if she found it before he did, he was a dead man. He found it in the last place he looked. Relieved, he opened it and re-read the contents. "Scully, Ever since you helped me wait for Eugene Victor Tooms, I've been feeling something for you that stronger than partnership. I wanted there to be iced tea in that bag. I want to believe that you still love me even if I did lie to you about your ova. Do you? Mulder" He folded the letter and decided to leave it on Scully's brand new desk that very afternoon. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Meanwhile, Scully was sitting at her brand new desk wondering what it was that Mulder could be keeping from her. Couldn't he tell her everything? SHouldn't he be able to after all that she had been through to be with him? DIdn't he love her the way that she loved him? But Dana knew the answer; she did love him, and she alwasy had and would. ALways. Fox Mulder was her soulmate, although she hadn't believed in them until she met him. She thought they were silly whenever Melissa would talk about them, and ignored her. Now she knew she had been wrong. She glanced over at him. He had the letter in his hand, the letter he'd been looking for, the letter that was PERSONAL, that he couldn't tell her about it. she thought, suddenly and bitterly. SHe wanted to cry, but she wouldn't because crying menat weakness and she was never week. She was Dana Katherine Scully and she was strong, but in love. Resingedly, she took out a piece of paper and her new pale pink fountain pen which Skiiner had given her. If Mulder was so into letters, she would write one of her own. Her small pink tongue flicked out and licked the tip of the vermillion pen, just the way she would lick the stiff lead of a pencil. She smiled to herself, fingering the old fashioned writing tool fondly. Her feelings were old fashion too. So maybe she had been going about this all the wrong way. Maybe the reason Mulder wasn't interested in her was because she wasn't feminine enough. The more she thought of it the more sense it seemed to make. Of course. Well, she thought in her mind, I can start changing that right now. She absent-mindedly licked at the pen again; it tasted of hard metal and potential dreams. Dear Mulder, she began. She frowned down at the page, the shimmering pepto-bismol pink of the words, and then crumpled the page and threw it in the wastebasket. Starting again, she wrote, "Dearest Fox..." For ten minutes she wrote nonstop, poring out her heart and all the trembling fantasies of her nights, all the lonely mornings when she wokeup with the urge but no way to scratch it. All the times she wished she could be filled up with love or a baby or someone who wanted her and her alone. She had to stop when she saw a big fat tearsplotch fall on the paper, making the ink run so it said, D...ulder. She crumpled the paper again and put her face in her hands, weeping. She realized that all the letter would do was to make him feel sorry for her. Then he would be extra nice to her butshe didn't want his pity she wanted his love. Oh Mulder, she sobbed silently. A soft knock on the door made her leap to her feet guiltily, clenching a kleenex to her nose. It was Skinner; he had opened the door but she had been crying, and embarrassed he had closed it again and knocked. Now he came into the room. His usual stern features had softened and he said quitely, "Agent Scully, are you all right?" "I'm fine," she said, trying to raise her eyebrow, but like her heart it was just too heavy to lift. The tears continued to fall and Skinner took a big red handkerchief from his back pocket and held it out. Then he grunted and said, "Ah, hell" and took her into his arms to comfort her. Scully had not been held for so long by a big strong male that she surrendered instantly to the comfort of his support. She chocked back her tears as much as she could but he patted her awkwardly on the back and rocked her a little. When she was quiet he just said soft nonesense words to her until she smiled and pulled away. "Okay now?" he asked concernedly. "Okay," she smiled, embarrassed, "I'm sorry to be such a baby." He picked up the crumpled ball of paper from her desk and began to read it. His face darkened, then lightened. "Oh, Agent Scully," he said. "If you want Mulder, take some advise from a man whose been there. This isn't the way to get him." Scully's lip trembled dangerously again. "It--it isn't?" she asked. "No," he smiled deviously, "But I'll tell you a way to get what you want, if you'll only listen to your old uncle Walt." Scully leaned forward, her eyes beginning to sparkle again. Out in the hall, Mulder leaned against the wall, his beautiful hazel eyes overflowing with tears of shock and pain. All he had seen when he started to burst into the office and force Scully to read his letter was Scully and Skinner, their backs to him, in some kind of embrace. Oh my God!! He had to get away from there before his heart burst in his chest. He turned around and headed for the elevator, thinking he had made a clean getaway, but no, Skinner turned up right beside him. Skinner looked concernedly at the younger man. "Mulder, are you ok?" Mulder decided to try Scully's line. "I'm fine." They rode to the first floor in silence and Mulder got out. Skinner watched him walk toward the exit. He realized that Mulder must have seen him with Scully. "Oops," he thought. Even though he had been a Marine he had a soft heart, especially where Scully was concerned. He took out his cel phone and dialed the basement office. "Scully? Mulder just left the building. He looked upset. You better go to him." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx Mulder was really depressed. He had pored his heart out to Scully, well, he hadn't had the nerve to actually give her the letter, but he had done it on paper and that counted in his Oxford-trained mind. He went to his fridge and pulled out a six-month-old carton of orange juice. He drank it even though it was stale and was happy when a couple seconds later he started to throw up. He was in the bathroom and didn't hear Scully's knock. Finally when he had heaved up his whole stomach he sat back just in time to hear the "snick" of her key as she used it to open his door. "Go 'way, Scully," he called from his position on his hands and knees on the bathroom floor. "Mulder, we have to talk." "We don't have anything to talk about." "Mulder, please." She went into the bathroom and found him looking all pitiful. "Oh my God, look at you," she scolded. She took a washcloth and rinsed it in cool water and used it to clean up his face, just like a baby's. Like the baby she'd never have. "Oh, Mulder, what's the matter? Skinner said he saw you running out of the building." He looked up at her with his big puppydog eyes full of salty tears. "I saw you with Skinner." "Mulder it's not what you think." "Really? What was it then?" "He was just comforting me, that's all." Mulder tore her hand away from his face. "It didn't look like comforting. What did he have his arms around you for, then?" She felt herself blush. "It's hard...I have to tell you..." She fished around in her purse and handed him the letter. "You have to read this." Mulder took her letter and read it. "Is this true? You...you love me? Even though I caused you to get abducted and have your ova harvested and get cancer? You can still love me?" She kissed him even though his mouth was still stale from the vomit. "Fox...don't you know? From the minute I walked into your basement office, fresh from Quantico, I knew that we were meant to be together." "Oh Dana...I love you so much!" They kissed over and over, their passion rising like a tide. Scully knew Mulder would give in to her. He was like bread, crusty on the outside but a big ball of white dough in the middle, soft and ready to eat. Mulder couldn't believe that she was his at last. Well, he would try his best to make her know how much he loved her, and to be everything that she deserved, even though he knew he'd never be enough. Tenatively he slid his hands down her shoulders to her waiting breasts. They fit his hands perfectly, like soft, sweet cantalopes. Scully swallowed, suddenly a little nervous. She knew she hadn't exactly stepped off the screen of one of his adult videos. Mulder sensed her tension, but misunderstood, pulling back with a puppydog look of concern. "I'm sorry, Dana, I didn't--" he started, afraid he'd screwed up again. But Scully read his mind. "No, Fox, I _want_ you to touch me. I was just worried you wouldn't...." She trailed off, unable to voice her fear aloud even to comfort her partner. Her lover. "Wouldn't what?" he said gently, cupping one breast delicately in his palm. "Scully, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever known. I've dreamt about this moment for five years now." A tear sparkled in Scully's eye and made a trail down her cheek. Mulder leaned up and kissed it softly, and she wrapped her arms around him. Gently, he stood up, lifting her as he went, and, carrying her like a baby, he walked into his bedroom. He kissed her as he set her down on the bed, his tongue wetly exploring the reaches of her mouth, and she kissed him back, hungrilly now. Reaching for his shirt buttons. SEconds later, his shirt was gone and she was running her hands through the tangled hair on his chest, while he tugged gently at the hem of her blouse. He undressed her slowly, til she was clad only in lacy black bra and panties. Then he stood back to look at her and she smiled. He stripped off his pants and covered her with his body, then with his mouth, trailing wet kisses over her shoulders and then her breasts and her belly. "Oh, Fox," she moaned softly, and it made him even harder, if that were possible. Then she giggled. "I can call you taht now, right?" He chuckled into her stomach. "You can call me anything you want, Dana." Her fingers flexed in his hair. "How about 'mine?'" "Sounds good to me." He removed the last pieces of cloth that separated them and moved up to capture her mouth again. she thought. She lifted her hips, pressing against his erection, and he tensed above her, pushing her back into the matress. In her disjointed mind, a snatch of a song floated through Scully's head. _And I will be the one To hold you down Kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away And after I Wipe away the tears..._ She closed her eyes and let herself be lost in the sensations. She slid down beneath him to lick at his pebbly nipple and he moaned. She wrapped her hand around his shaft, and his hips surged. "Oh, Dana, danadanadana," he murmured in an incoherent stream. "I need...." "Me too," she whispered, moving herself back up the bed. "But I don't have a condom," he whipsered back, anguished. "Don't worry, she answered, stroking the planes of his face gently. "I trust you." He opened his eyes to look into hers, and saw only unconditional love staring back from the blue depths of her cerulean gaze. God, he didn't deserve this woman. He positioned herself in between her thighs and slowly slid forward. She arced her head back as he filled her to her very core, and they began to move slowly together, then faster. was all Mulder could think. They spiralled to heaven together, and in that instant of ultimate communion, Scully knew it was true. He was her soulmate. "I love you, Fox," she whispered one more time before she drifted off to sleep. "I love you too, Dana," he answered, pulling her closer to him. He wasn't sure she'd heard, but it didn't matter. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx That's it! Do you think I should do a sequel? I hope you liked it! Please please please please let me know. snookygirl@hotmail.com. k