From: Julie Raines Date: Tue, 10 Nov 1998 23:14:47 -0500 Subject: New!!!! Dear Diary (1/1) Archive: Anywhere, just as long as my name is on it. Author: Julie Raines aka Jewlz! Authors notes: This is just for fun. But You have to figure who it is on your own. Category: Just for fun fic! Characters: I can't tell you, you figure it out. Dedication: This is for all the shippers out there! Disclaimer: I wish they were mine. But they are not. They all belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. Feedback: Please!!!!! Oh please do!! I'll love you forever!! jewlz@vnet.net Spoilers: none Summary: Someone writes down their deepest thoughts in their diary. X-tra: Try to figure out who it is. The answer will come to you while reading, hopefully. If not, use your imagination. It could be anyone, until the end. Dear Diary, i have often wondered how to get out my feelings. I feel so lost sometimes. I have lost so much in the past. I need something more. Something that only that special person can give me. I need the warmth and support that is offered to me. Yet, i refuse. I totally ignore the one person who loves me. The one person who completes my thoughts. The one person who fulfills my needs with just one glance. We (the person and I) are so close to the truth. Yet so far away. I can not help but think that one day I will have to say goodbye forever and ever. We have been so close to the truth so many times, but I still find it hard to believe that this person is not by my side. Ohhh..how i miss our lectures. Our little talks together. I miss the way we used to cry on each other's shoulders. Our hearts beating so close together, almost as if they were one. I miss the glances in the hallways. The little smiles we would pass to each other as we went our separate ways. How we consoled each other through the horrible times of death and destruction. I wanted to reach out so many times and just say "Hey, I love you! You mean everything to me! I can not live without you. It is impossible to do. We are one. We complete each other." Oh how many times have I wanted to say those things!!! We have both lost so much in our lives. If I had but one wish, it would be to make her happy. To make up for all the sadness and loss. To close my arms around her and make her safe again. I know what we did was wrong. I know that our love was meant to be. Even though our choices took us in separate directions. Separate roads that we had to take. The journey that would have made us partners put boundaries between us. Oh how I wish that I could go back and redo everything. To make the right decisions this time. To put her before myself and selfish journey that I chose. But now I can't. The path is set. No more going back. I have to refuse her. I have to ignore her for her own safety and protection. What do I do Diary?? Where can I go to hide from my shame of losing the only thing, the only woman I have ever loved with all my heart and all my soul. I would go to the ends for her. I would go to the blasted ends of the earth. Just like Mulder did for Scully. I can see them. I can see the love in their eyes. I can see it everytime I look at them. I know what they feel. I feel the same way about her. When I see the way Mulder looks at her, i cry. It saddens me to know that they too can not be together, for whatever reasons that I do not know. We share a likeness. They care for each other, just as I do for my beloved. Oh please tell me what to do!! I am so lost without her. Where do I hide my pain? How can I survive now that we can't be alone?? Why must we carry on so? I love her so much. So deeply and passionately. So many years that have gone by now. So many faults and bad choices. I am to blame for all of this. If we can't be together, I don't want to live. I can't. I can't go on like this anymore. It must end. NOW. Goodbye Diary. Thank you for listening to me. At least you have always been there. At least you cared. Just like she did. Just like my sweet lady. My buttercup. My joy. My love. My Teena. The End. Did you guess it?? jewlz@vnet.net hahahha