From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1999 20:56:47 -0500 Subject: REV - Scully's Trip to Africa by Randi Source: direct Reply To: danasdds@yahoo.com Title: Dear Diary Series - Confessions to my Diary Biogenesis: Dana Scully's Trip to Africa Author: Randi Email: danasdds@yahoo.com Web Page: www.angelfire.com/fl2/danasdds Rating: PG-13 for some words that are not accepted in Thesaurus. Classification: Scully angst. Spoilers: Up to Biogenesis Disclaimer: They are not mine, they are 1013's creation, I just borrowed them. Summary: This is the complete series of Scully's Trip to Africa, part of Dana Scully's Dear Diary Series, Confessions to my Diary. In each entry we try to summarize her POV during and after the events of each episode. Enjoy it! Feedback will be greatly appreciated. Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 1 of 7) by Randi After I packed my things, I went to the airport and bought some magazines and this diary before boarding the plane. I can't read. I hate planes. I'm so tired that I can't sleep in this plane. In the past years I have earned so many miles that I can go around the world five times and still go again to San Diego to see Matthew. Well, I can't consider my free trip to Antarctica. Ah, I have to add all those miles on rented cars with Mulder... Mulder. That's the reason I am on my way to Africa. Mulder. Mulder, what have they done to you? The last time I talked to him on the phone he said that everything was okay. Hell no! I ran like an idiot to New Mexico, instead of staying at his side. He was not acting normal, for a moment I thought that he went again to see the crazy doctor and returned with another hole on his head. Damn it, Mulder! She answered the phone and I clearly saw that things were not okay. Next, I received a call from Skinner. Damn him! Liar! Both of them are liars! Did I say that I hate planes? Specially if I have to travel by myself. Oh, my world collapsed when I talked to the nurses. What have they done with him? I thought the worst when Skinner called me 'Dana' and hold my hand. Who the hell he thinks he is? Use my first name and then lie about a report, which I NEVER sent him. Liar! He is dirty! Oh, no, no. Mulder does not believe he is dirty. When I was fighting my cancer, I told Mulder that Skinner is dirty. Prove me wrong now, Mulder. Apparently he does not remember that I saved his life; well, he forgot that in a matter of days. Why do I bother? Mulder. Everything around me faded away when I saw you on the monitor. They were talking, but I focused my eyes on the monitor. Why in hell hospitals use monitors with small screens? I wished it was 33" to see you closer. I wished I could hold you and reassured you that everything is going to be okay. What the hell have they done to you? "Thank you for coming." STUPID! Who the hell she thinks I am? She was with Mulder when I called him. Mulder knows quite well what I think about that... That demon means trouble, and I was not there to warn Mulder, not that he follows my warnings immediately. Demon! Trouble. Damn her! Every time she is around Mulder, something happens to him. What the heck is all of this about? I still don't understand how Dr. Sandoz made that thing spin before my eyes. Ah, Albert! I knew something was wrong when I saw his picture on the wall. I don't share his beliefs, but that doesn't mean that I have to be there during the ceremony. Melissa! By that time I asked Albert to see Melissa at the hospital. What a moron, uh! Right now I wish that even Albert will go to Georgetown to be with Mulder while I'm on my way to Africa. I hope the boys received my message and will take care of him. Damn it! This will be a long night or day, whatever. I have been boarding planes for the last three days that I have no idea if I am departing or arriving at day or night. I hate planes. The answer for the truth. That's what Mulder needs to find. How ironic! What if I'm the one who finds it? I'm a scientist, but my beliefs are first. Genesis. The aliens. Should I buy that theory? Oh, Lord! I even argued with Mulder because of that! Again. Like always, when it comes to my beliefs. My God is a little gray man. What a genius, Dr. Sandoz! There most be an explanation. A scientific one. My world collapsed when I saw Mulder on the monitor. Aliens, that is peanuts compared to what I'm feeling right now. I am miles away from Mulder and I can't do anything for him, just searching the meaning or origin of the metallic artifact. Mulder. Mulder, I wish you can hear my thoughts. I wish I could be at your side and hug you and kiss you. Kiss you? What the heck! I admit it. I want to kiss him the way I did after he saved me. Kiss his head? Kiss and hug him all. Mulder, I need to save you from this one. I need to save both of us. I'm so tired, Mulder, I wish you were here to rest on your shoulder and fall asleep... Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 2 of 7) by Randi I ran out of Kleenex. I'm looking for a mirror on my purse. Apparently something is wrong with me. The old couple on the other side of the isle are still looking at me since we depart from DC. Pity. I'm dressed, as always, in black. Black. Emily. Maybe they think I'm a widow. I don't care. I will cry until I return back to Washington. I have to wait in New York several hours for a connecting flight. I already called the hospital. No change. That... is still there with him. What have I done again? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am so stupid that I left him with that bitch. More miles still to go. Where is the new box of Kleenex? I should buy two more boxes, just in case I need them. People are still staring at me. I don't care. Enjoy the joy until it lasts. I have to entertain myself. No way, I can't. I need to do this to save him. I called the University. I need all the information available. I don't know where the hell I'm going. Yes, Africa; that's it. But where in hell is that beach with the camp? Damn it! Oh, my God! I forgot Mulder's fish. Dead. It will be dead by the time I return from Africa. Frohike. That's it, let me call him. Damn it! They are not in. Another stupid message, "It's me, Scully. Could you please take care of Elvis? Thank you guys." Mom. I forgot to call her. Since when? I don't know. No, I don't want that woman to see my Mom right there in the hospital. That... that woman is capable of anything and I don't want Mom to be involved in this farce. Mulder. I need to call the hospital again. No improvement. Damn it! Should I wait the connecting flight or go back to DC? Mulder. Stupid! How can I leave him again? I'm doing this crazy thing for you, Mulder. My God! Why in hell this artifact was found in Africa and not in the beaches of New York. No way. Damn it! I keep crying without control again. Jesus, Dana! If you keep crying, you won't do it. Get control, get control. Mulder. What have they done to you? I need to go back to basics. Skinner's office. A new case. The rubbing. The elevator. That's it. The first time was on the elevator. There were many people around us. Could it be possible that someone had negative thoughts about him? His pain ended when they stepped out of the elevator. The faces, I need to remember those faces. Could it be the movement or the air pressure? The second time was at the American University. Could someone had negative thoughts there? Faces, I need to remember their faces. Policemen, detectives, and the professor. Third time, the basement. What the hell? Only the three of us were there. Wait, Skinner was spying on us. Mulder sensed that. That's why when he stepped out of the basement he felt better. Faces, oh, my God, faces at the elevator. He knew before hand that we will find a body. There it was. Why in hell the Police did not notice the head on the kitchen's wastebasket? Albert was on the picture. There is one connection. Maybe I was wrong misjudging Albert. He helped me with the digital tape. My name was there. I was scared to death. I am still scared to death. Why my name? The digital tape. Albert translated the tape and suffered the consequences for that. Could his cancer be a result of that suffering or has he been exposed to it as a labrat. He is old, but he translated the tape. Now we have the artifact. He was translating one of the pieces. I refuse to believe its content. No way. Thanks God they are calling the next flight to Africa. Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 3 of 7) by Randi Another plane. I hate planes. I hate planes specially when I'm traveling by myself. This is the perfect time to sleep. Past midnight. Great! I can't sleep. I called the hospital about 20 minutes ago. No improvement. He keeps calling me! Oh, my God! Where are the Kleenex? Once again Mulder, I have the strength of your beliefs. That's why I'm here. Alone, as always. I bought some books and magazines while I waited at the airport in New York. I bought a Bible. This is not a Catholic Bible, it's a King James Version. Anyway, is a Bible. I have read the Book of Genesis three times to find a clue in all of this craziness. "In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters." Yes, He created heaven and earth; that's what it says here. It doesn't say, in the beginning the aliens created everything. I refuse to believe all that crap. Mulder, hold on. "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Seriously, Mulder, it doesn't say here that He created your little gray men, at least not on earth. I don't either see any clue here on DNA as Sandoz said. On the other hand, the first five books of the Bible have been decoded. All predictions, past, present, and future, are said to be there. Deaths, earthquakes; everything is written in that study. But, who can prove the author if he does not want to speak about it? Could this have a connection with the metallic artifact? "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." Great! Be fruitful and multiply. They took it away from me. Sorry, God, but I can't follow you and multiply earth with uberScullys and uberMulders. Damn it! Where are the Kleenex when I need them? So, they want me to believe that Mulder's little gray men were Adam and Eve? What about Sandoz DNA theory? Weird. I'm sleep deprived, I have migraine, I can't sleep, and I'm still thinking in all of these things. I hate planes. What the hell am I doing on a flight to Africa? My head hurts! Naked 'gray' Adam. Great! Crap! This is great! This sounds great! I forgot I have to write my little notes to Skinner on this case. Anyway, he was spying on us. How can I justify travel expenses to New Mexico and Africa? My head! Mulder! I need to call the hospital! Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 4 of 7) by Randi Two hours on this plane. My head hurts! While drinking a cup of wine, I mean, the second one, I took a walk to the bathroom. Everybody stared at me. Could it be that I have been crying all the time? Could it be that I have argued with the nurses monitoring Mulder on three occasions on the past two hours? Could it be that these people have never seen a petite redhead in autopilot mode? I have scanned all their faces. A few kids are running from row one through twenty. Thanks God that the only available seat was on first class. It reminds me of the room at Las Vegas, basically as big, comfortable, and clean as the one where Mulder and I were forced to share while investigating the Rain King. Honestly, I preferred that crap because I was with him. I can't believe I just said that. For all the times I have teased him with his apartment or Max's trailer, I prefer to be at his apartment instead of been alone on my place. Lonely. My choice. Stupid Padgett. Who he thought he was? I was so, so, so embarrassed when I read his book. "What will her partner think?" Stupid! The same thing you wanted him to think. So funny, Fox Mulder imagine a stranger doing the naked pretzel with his partner. I need to get you out of the hospital to show you how to do a naked pretzel Scully's style. You will be surprised, Fox Mulder, for all the passion that I have been accumulating. I told you at the hospital hallway that I have things to prove to myself, my personal reasons. I assured you with my eyes. I'm quite certain that my eyes have some power over you. What am I thinking? I'm so tired. Faces. Let me walk again. No! I need to call the hospital again. No improvement. He keeps screaming my name. Great! Great! Great! That's Mulder. Scream my name, that will keep you alert. Mulder, if you can hear me from the distance, be sure that I will find the answers. I asked the nurse to tell him that I called again and that I will call him again and again. I asked her to find any type of ice cream and tell him that I requested it as a favor. Ah! Also, iced tea. Can I trust those nurses? Maybe the bitch will tell them not to comply with my request. Anyway, I told them that I was his doctor and that maybe that will help. Loneliness. That was my choice. No more. That's why I try to be most of the time with him and go back to my place to sleep. I prefer to be on the field than on DC so that I can sleep close to him. Twenty four hours a day with him. And now I'm too far away to comfort him. People are looking at me again. Damn it! I can't control myself. Fucking stupid Kleenex! What I expect to find in Africa? I don't know. Where are those Kleenex when I need them the most? I need to think as if I were Mulder. Mulder, please help me on this one. What am I supposed to do when I arrive there? Think, Dana, think. A car, a need to rent a car. I need to find the university and the camp site at the beach. I need to charge my cell phone to call the hospital. Oh, thank God! I'm feeling so heavy, I'm falling asleep... Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 5 of 7) by Randi I woke up to find myself trapped inside a blanket. Where the hell it came from? This should be part of an hallucination or an X File. An X File! Touch. Touch. Touch. Mulder! I finally opened my eyes without realizing that the flight attendant what staring at me like if she has seen an alien while I'm calling Mulder's name aloud. Well, shut up! I'm not going crazy yet. I need to call the hospital. Damn it! I have been sleeping for several hours and forgot to call Mulder. The flight attendant asked me if I was okay since I have been crying and sobbing during all my sleep. That will explain why I feel so tired. I need coffee. She told me that maybe I had a nightmare because I was repeating the word "cold" even after she placed the blanket over me. Cold. Yes, cold. I remember. I had a flashback on my dreams or, nightmare, I don't know why I saw CSM in front of me while I was inside the crypod in Antarctica. Weird. Nightmares have been haunting me during the last months, all of them ending inside the crypod. I have not told Mulder about them. Coffee, I ask the lady or maybe I should will kill her to have some coffee. There are some privileges working for the FBI, not necessarily for the X Files Division. I'm traveling on first class (next time I will ask Mulder to let me book us on the flights to whatever place he wants to go). They know that I am an FBI agent traveling on an emergency status. Maybe this lady thinks that I'm going to Africa on a secret mission investigating a worldwide conspiracy to kill the president. Well, she will never understand that there are global conspiracies. Oh, my coffee arrives. I need caffeine on my system so I can call the hospital. Fifteen minutes more. The flight is on time. We should be arriving in just fifteen minutes. I remember the word I was muttering when the flight attendant, "touch." Skinner and I touched the paper, but the only one affected was Mulder. Mulder! I called the hospital and no improvement yet. He keeps screaming my name. Where in hell are my Kleenex? The line went dead and I was unable to ask the nurse if they followed my orders on what I 'prescribed' to Mulder. Touch. I remember that the money carried the virus. I remember that Skinner, that bastard, was infected also because of a touch. What if Mulder handled the paper and it was infected on a corner. Common, Dana! Think, Dana, think! I need to remember how Skinner and I handled the paper. It could be that, what else, God? "Your attention, please..." Jesus! I thought that this moment will never come. We are going to land in a few seconds. First things, first. Car. Map. University. Beach camp. Hotel. No, I can sleep on the car if necessary. Mulder, I have the strength of your beliefs. Dana Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 6 of 7) by Randi Why everything has to be so difficult? Now that I am here at the airport I feel like a complete idiot. I need to be on control again. I have cried so much that I have to hide my eyes behind my sunglasses. God! It's so hot in here! The people at the rental car counter looked at me as if I was something strange. "FBI..." Have they any knowledge that there are women working for the FBI? "Doctor..." Jesus! What is so strange that I am a doctor? Anyway, I can offer my services after I kill them. "Here is my autopsy report: natural death. Ha! Take that!" Looking for a map was easier than I thought. They have a tourist information center at the airport. They were very nice with me. I need to eat something before I drive to the university. Besides the coffee, when was the last time I ate something? Breakfast. That's it. The same day I went to New Mexico. No wonder I have migraine. Dana, forget about your diet, you are in Africa. Well, at least I brought the bee pollen that Mulder so graciously hates. He said that the air in his mouth tastes better that my dreamcicle. Idiot! He even stole it. My seduction plan worked out perfectly. Jesus! He even noticed my new clothes. Uh! He is certainly paying attention. Biological clock, sure Mulder! Hang for me down there and when I resolve this stupid dilemma I will show you one or two things about my biological clock; sure, Mulder, hormones are still working here. Africa. Africanized bees. Bee pollen. Um! Maybe I could stop at the library of the university and do some research work. Mulder, help me with this one! I need to find the right people as soon as I arrive at the university. I have no idea where the camp is located. Traffic is heavy. It is hot. So hot. I'm hungry. I'm tired; no, exhausted, yes. Frustrated. No, stop it! Damn it! I don't want to cry again. I need to regain my control. I'm in Africa looking for the answer to what happened to Mulder. Yes, that's it. I'm not here looking for Mulder's or Dr. Sandoz aliens. I'm looking for a cure or an explanation of what happened to Mulder. Mulder, I haven't called the hospital in more than one hour. Communication here is not so easy. I wonder if that stupid knows that I was investigating her. Maybe Mulder told her something. Maybe not. If she knows that I'm here... 'Let me help.' To hell with you! I was so furious that I ran away from the hospital. Why? If I have zero chance to be with Mulder, why should I wait there? Staring at her demoniac face? No way. One more second and I would have told her that NOW I'm in charge of the X Files, not she, not Spender, not even Mulder. How she dare after what she did and say to me at the decontamination unit? Well, I'm NOW working as a doctor on the FBI and with the most unwanted one. Stupid! Well, at least I had the chance to peek on Mulder. This time he wasn't sick or shot or involved in an accident. My, oh, my! Why, why he turned to look at me? He did that on several occasions, but mainly the last one. There were too many people at the beginning, and sincerely I tried not to look at him because of them, but anyway I looked. Yes, I looked when they were undressing him and started with the procedure. My, oh, my! We have a promising future. Okay, here I am. Once again, do I look like an alien? People keep looking at me. God! Yes, petite FBI redhead alert. I'm on my way to the beach. Jesus! I forgot to call the hospital. No improvement, but he keeps calling me. Are these nurses telling me the truth? Don't go there, Dana! Keep going. After a couple of hours, here I am and I don't understand what these fellows are saying, but they look quite scared. Thank God there is an interpreter. Here we go. A short walk and he will show me what they found. Another artifact. Mulder, I'm close, don't go away from me. I'm scared to death, I don't know if I will find the truth you are looking or at least a solution for your condition. As I walk through the sand, I feel all my movements in slow motion. Time has stopped here, waiting for me to uncover the truth of this object. I'm alone on the beach. No latex Mulder, I have no latex. I'm touching this thing with my bare fingers. It's bigger than the others. "What?!" Dana Scully's Trip to Africa (Part 7 of 7) by Randi Dear God. After thirty-five years of my life, I'm standing up carefully, alone and barefoot on the sand in the middle of nowhere, the Ivory Coast of Africa. My life is standing still; perplexed; refusing to believe what I have been told during the past three days, maybe the past six years. Three short days against thirty-five years, against a life. What's going on? Alone. As ever. My eyes can't betray me. This is me, Dana, standing here. Alone. God! What should I believe? I don't even have the courage to think or analyze what I have in front of my eyes. Where is my science? I... I... I can't... Where should I begin with? Should I ask them to return here? For what? They were scared. Why are they scared? Of what or whom are they scared of? What can I do? What should I do, Mulder? Unbury the metallic artifact? Unbury history? Unbury a truth that I don't want to hear. A truth that I refuse to accept? And what about that, that thing that surfaced on the water? I said that I have the strength of your beliefs, but now I don't know what to believe. Could this thing be one of the spaceships I saw when Cassandra disappeared? Could it be, Mulder? By that time I was willing to believe, Mulder, but you turned your back to me. Ironic. Then I listened to Spender, thought about it, and changed my mind. Maybe I thought I was exposed to your weird ideas for many years... You believed again, Mulder, but it was too late. Maybe if you have never turned your back to me, things will be different now. You believed, but I stepped back again. There was no science to prove anything right. But I believed it. Mulder, could this thing be one of those spaceships that you believe are used by the rebels? Antarctica, Mulder, Antarctica. You told me that it was a huge spaceship. Could this thing be the spaceship where you said you found me in Antarctica? Could it be possible that the effects of the vaccine on my system responsible of its crash? How big this thing could be? Based on the hole I saw in Antarctica, it was a huge spaceship. Should I swim around it, Mulder? Should I step on top of it? If you were here, in a matter of seconds you will be jumping on the top of this thing. Is there any relation between this thing and the metallic artifact? Oh, God! There must be a scientific explanation for this. Could this be the entrance to a secret military base? But what about the artifact? Mulder, if you are my Indian guide, help me on this! I'm standing still. Alone. As always. FIN Feed back will be appreciated, danasdds@yahoo.com or visit our web page at www.angelfire.com/fl2/danasdds.