From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 8 Apr 2002 19:38:16 -0000
Subject: Dear Heart by Jessica
Source: direct

Reply To: j_rothen@yahoo.se


Title: Dear Heart

Author: Jessica   ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )

Rating: PG

Category: Mulder 

Spoiler: None

Summary: Mulder writes a letter to his dead father

Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX 
and they are not mine. 

Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.

He rises. The pain is real, all to real. The tears come without any
any mercy. He stumbles in the dark and cries his name into the
night. He walks to the desk and sits down in front of the 
computer screen. His hands trembles as he writes the words his
heart needs to get out.

"You gave me the gift of life. You rocked me as a child.
You gave me all that I wanted. You bought me the world. 
You said I could be what ever I wanted to be. I believed you.
You were my hero. You were the one that saved me.
Oh, father. I loved you so. Why did you leave me here alone?
I need you by my side. You're the one I turned to when life
gave me scares I couldn't handle. You told me to be strong 
and not to cry. You said "A real man doesn't cry". So I hide my
tears in the pouring rain. I loved you so. Why didn't you
love me back? You never told me. You never held me. I needed
to feel your arms around me. I needed to hear you say those
words. Now, you're gone and the silence is hurting me so.
Oh, father. Why did you hurt me so? What did I do to deserve
this pain? I know you loved me. I know that. But I needed you
to tell me that. Your silence hurt me so. It's funny your 
words could still hurt me more than nothing else. You said
I was weak to feel like that. You said I was silly to long
for some words that meant nothing. You said I would grow out
of it. You were wrong. I'm still longing. 
You never told me that you're were proud of me. You were never
happy for me. Why didn't tell me the words I crave for? 
Now, you're gone and I still look for an answer to the 
questions.
I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. I'm sorry for all 
the harsh words. I'm sorry I didn't tell you more that I love 
you. I'm sorry I doubted you. I know now I was wrong in so many
ways. I guess I'm one of the reasons I hurt.
I miss you voice. I miss your face. I miss you smile. I miss
everything about you. Dear father. I miss you. 
I pray to god to give me the answers I long for. But I know
we'll meet again. I dream about that day. Then I will take you
in my arms and never let you go. 
I love you, my father. I know you're watching me. We'll meet 
again.
Until that day I'll be waiting here."

He brushes away the tears from his eyes and rises to walk
the path again.

FEEDBACK_______PLEASE______j_rothen@yahoo.se   I