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  This author's e-mail address has changed to: xanaduxf@yahoo.com
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***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and I am making no money from it.

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Death of a Martyr
by shannono
shannono@iname.com


Vignette, Humor

Rated TVM (well, PG, I guess)

Spoilers: None, really, though the ep in question is "Patient X,"
of course.

Content warning: Parody on the rampage ...

Summary: 'Tis a fine and noble thing to die for one's country ...
or one's TV show, for that matter.

Comments: Written bleary eyed at 3 a.m. Blame the Nilla Wafers ...

Special disclaimer: Chris Carter belongs to himself, but he's going
to be one hurtin' surfer if he doesn't do a good job with Part 2!
David Duchovny is his own man, too, although he'd probably appreciate
the (albeit exhaustion-induced) humor. Oh, and of course, I don't own
"ET," or their theme song, or Mary Hart, but it's a parody, so I
think it's legal.

Dedication: To Katwoman (Kris) and The Catwoman (a.k.a. Meg) for
the *scathing* e-mails which inspired this!

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Death of a Martyr
by shannono


>>DA DA DA DA DA DAAAA ... (da da da, da, da)<<

"This is Entertainment Tonight for Tuesday, March 2, 1998. I'm Mary
Hart.

"Our top story tonight is the sudden and tragic death of 'X-Files'
creator and surfer dude extraordinare Chris Carter, age 41. Carter's
body was found early this morning in a nondescript wooded area
somewhere near Vancouver, British Columbia, in Canada, where the
show is currently in production.

"According to police reports, Carter had apparently been beaten to
death. Although the exact weapons used in the attack are unknown at
this time, speculation has included old 'X-Files' books, pilfered
pages from various scripts, preliminary movie posters, and maybe
even a bootlegged video or two.

"Source say the attack on Carter may be a result of Sunday night's
episode of 'The X-Files,' the wildly popular Fox Network show Carter
created and produces. 

"According to one 'X-Files' fan who spoke on condition of anonymity,
the attack on Carter was precipitated by 'another of those mixed-up
mytharc messes thrown together just to add fuel to the movie fire.'
The unidentified fan went on to say she wasn't surprised by the attack,
considering most of the other fans she'd spoken to said they'd
wanted to do the same thing, especially after seeing the previews
for the second part of the two-part episode.

"Carter co-wrote Sunday's script with one of the show's regular
writers, Frank Spotnitz. Vancouver authorities are currently holding
Spotnitz in protective custody to guard against further attacks,
although rumors say if Spotnitz has survived after some of his other
scripts, he'll probably be okay this time, too.

"'X-Files' cast and crew members were stunned by Carter's death.
Actor David Duchovny, who portrays Special Agent Fox Mulder on the
show, issued the following statement:

"'I am shocked by the attack on Chris. Don't those fans know next
week's second half will tie up all those loose ends? Did they
really think we'd kill off Scully three months before the movie
comes out? After paying Gill $4 million for it? Geez! We already
had to resurrect Smoking Man for ... oops, guess I wasn't
supposed to say that ... Anyway, as if we don't have enough ardent
fans, now they've gone and made a martyr out of Chris. I guess this
means I'll be stuck playing Mulder for the rest of my natural born
days. Thanks a lot.'

"No suspects have been identified in the slaying."

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