Date: 19 Aug 1998 17:39:53 GMT From: XFILES718 Subject: Death of a Shiban by Megan XFilr... HUMOR PG-13 TITLE: Death of a Shiban Author: Megan Xfilr Feedback: XFILES718@aol.com Archive: Yes to Gossamer and anyone else (let me know though so I can see it) Classify: SH, VH (story/humor, vignette/humor) Rating: PG (for some gory implications) Spoilers: 3 and Home (must mention both on gossamer) Summary: *Someone * hates John Shiban. . . and someone will have vengence on that horrible writer! Sarah Ludwig is back! DISCLAIMER: CC, FM and DS aint mine-they are CC's. John Shiban should be mine so I could shoot him, hurt him and hang his bloody head on the BIG SCREEN TV in NYC. Sarah Ludwig is mine and will remain mine until the real Armageddon. Note: Dedicated (as always) to my hamster Armageddon. SuP to my friends. My fan ficition will soon be on my web site: http://members.xoom.com/xfiles718/official.html so if you want to take a look at it (it's a lot of it) have fun. Death of a Shiban By Megan XFilr John Shiban was twiddling his thumbs at his desk. Ever since he got that job at the Xfiles, he was totally pumped. People were screaming at him-chasing him down streets, locking him in cars and threw what appeared to be hot house tomatoes at him. He was touched; he knew how hard it was to find those tomatoes in Vancouver. The best reaction came from his episode "3". He had so much fun making all those... what do you call them... ah right, relationshippers homicidal. Whatever that means. He got a cd out of his neato-keeno cd holder thang and put it in his cd player. MMBop by Hanson filled his office. He propped his feet on his blotter. He was thinking of writing an episode about Scully marrying a werewolf and Mulder having to shoot it. It would be "3" with a twist. A loud knocking woke Shiban from a dreamy writing state. "Come in!" He called. Chris Carter's secretary walked in. "A young girl wanted to see you right away." Shiban smiled. "Send her in." The secretary gave him a look and opened the door. A young girl with medium length blond hair, small tortoise shell glasses and dressed in baggy clothing waltzed in. The secretary closed the door and left. "Well," John said, standing up. "How may I help you." The girl made a snort sound through her nose. "I thought you'd be uglier." Shiban was taken aback. "Do you need something?" She nodded. "What then?" "For you to stop working here." John smiled. "Why on earth would you want me to do that?" "Because you're the worst writer in the whole wide world," the girl stated matter-of-factly. John sat on his desk. "Please explain." The girl smiled. "My name is Sarah Ludwig and I am a huge fan of the 'files. I am also a fan fiction writer. You may know me as the one who writes about all the characters dying?" Shiban looked clueless. "Anyway, I hate your writing and I think "3" and "Home" sucked so bad that it puts a disgrace to the shipper community about that stupid vampire. It's against logic." Shiban frowned. "Why?" The girl raised her eyebrow. "Would you want someone to shave you if she was a vampire and needed blood?" Shiban considered this. This girl was *smart *. "Anyway, if you don't quit, I will be forced to write a fan fic about YOU dying." Shiban folded his hands. "Go ahead, make my day." The girl sighed and turned on her heel. "He's turning Clint Eastwood on me!" she mumbled. She faced John again from the now open doorway. "You are going to be sorry you messed with the Ludwig Files!" The girl left in a huff. John sat for a couple of seconds. He leaned over and pressed the intercom button for his secretary. "Lacey?" "Yeah?" came the crackle back. "Do me favor... find out who this Clint Eastwood guy is?" :~:~:~:~:~:~::~::~:~:~:~:~:~:~~~:XXXXXXXXX:~:::~:~::~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~ 2 days later, John Shiban checked his email. "You've got mail!" He was pleased...maybe it was his cocker spaniel writing back to him! He found 3 junk spam letters... No he was not interested in better long distance service or the best site for consenting adults or how to make $1 turn into $100. The last letter was from an XFILES718@aol.com. The subject was HELLO JOHN. John opened the mail and was shocked to see what he saw. To: J_Shiban@foxnetworks.net From: XFILES718@aol.com Subject: Hello JOHN! Hey Johnnie boy! I told you that you would be sorry. Click to see what I promised you. Ludwig Files John clicked on the blue, underlined here. He was swiftly taken to a page on this thing called the Gossamer Archive. As he read it, he was contemplating if you could really kill yourself with shoe laces. A tall, thin lanky man ran through the forest. No, it wasn't Mulder. This man was named John. John tripped on a log. He fell. "NO!" he thought. "They are going to get me!" He was damn right. A crazed *other * tall lanky man had a stake with him. He hovered over John. "How sorry are you about that "3" business?" "VERY!" John cowered. " I WILL NEVER EVER MAKE A VAMPIRE SHAVE YOU!" Fox Mulder chilled. He put down the stake. John started breathing again. Mulder smiled. "Forget it." Mulder picked up the stake and stuck that piece of wood through Shiban. The scream filled air like pugent odor. John looked horrible. He was scared. That Sarah was good..too good. XXX Chris Carter was ticked off. He couldn't figure out how to close Gossamer and now that Shiban had quit? Argh! And who was this Sarah Ludwig john kept mumbling about? Chris called Fox Mulder and Dana Scully into his office. "Fox, Dana, can you tell me who this Sarah Ludwig is?" "No," they both answered quickly. "Are you sure? You sound like you know something-" Chris said slowly. "No I don't know Sarah." Dana said shaking her head violently. "Me neither!" Mulder said, just as paranoid. Carter let them leave. He made it his mission to find this Sarah Ludwig... and her wonderful writing. That John Shiban piece was the BEST! ~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~XXXXXXXXXXX:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~: John Shiban means 2 things: end of the shippers and end of Shiban -megan xfilr If John Shiban was a soft drink, he'd be the Caffiene Free Diet Coke- he would be worth as much! - simon and megan in 95 Feedback and ice cream should be sent to XFILES718@aol.com