From: Samantha Wilkinson Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 18:10:27 GMT Subject: NEW: A Decision Made by Samantha Wilkinson Source: atxc Title: A Decision Made Author: Samantha Wilkinson Email: sammie@theworld.com Rating: G Category: V Spoilers: Up through Little Green Men Disclaimer: Characters and situations borrowed from FOX and 1013. Used only for harmless, non-profit reasons. Notes: Written for the After_the_Fact post-ep challenge. Feedback: I'm an inexperienced writer hoping to improve. Any comments/suggestions are appreciated. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "I may not have the X-Files, Scully, but I still have my work. And I've still got you." Mulder's words cycle around my head as I try to figure out how I feel about them. *Does* he have me? I suppose I did go to him, try to draw him out. But is this really what I want? To tag endlessly after Mulder, trying to save him from his own recklessness? I'm ashamed to admit I felt some relief when the X-Files were shut down. Yes, I protested the decision with our superiors; my competitive nature wouldn't let me do otherwise. However, when my arguments failed to sway them, I decided I could move on with a clear conscience. I had done my best to solve the cases no one else in the Bureau wanted to touch. I had put in my time in an undesirable assignment. Now I could begin my "real" career, making the mark I had dreamed about ever since my first meeting with the FBI recruiter. The first glitch in my plan occurred when I discovered I was being assigned, not to the field position I had imagined, but back to Quantico. I had become accustomed to seeing the whole picture on a case, acting as a lead investigator, not merely a single link in a chain of evidence-gatherers. Although I had initially welcomed a return to normalcy, I soon become bored with doing nothing but teaching indifferent students and conducting the occasional autopsy. Not generally fanciful, I nonetheless began to speculate about the lives my dead subjects had once led. Once I inadvertently let slip these musings, leading one of my students to describe me as "spooky." Is this how it starts, Mulder? With an active brain searching for outlets to escape the unbearable tedium of routine? When the next corpse arrives at my station on the assembly line, shall I suggest that the deceased was mauled by a beast woman or strangled by a ghost? Pretty soon there will be two of us on wiretap duty. My whimsical thoughts remind me of why exactly I stay by Mulder's side, despite my common sense urging me to distance myself as quickly as possible. How could I ever consider missing the wonder in his eyes as he sighted what he believed was a UFO or his awe in speaking of the Jersey Devil woman? His enthusiasm is contagious; a part of me relishes the idea of the two of us venturing side-by-side into the unknown. I become caught up in his passion, unsure of where our journey will take us, but knowing that when I am with Mulder, the path cannot fail to be intriguing. Imagine my surprise in witnessing Mulder's recent despondency. I had always thought of Mulder as an unstoppable force, plowing headlong into any barriers that separated him from the truth he sought. Lately, however, he has seemed passionless. The death of Deep Throat hit him hard, and the mindless nature of his current assignment has served only to crush him further. Despite my aggravation at having to bail him out of trouble yet again, his recent adventure in Puerto Rico reassures me that the Mulder I admire is not dead. His frustration at failing to obtain evidence from the Arecibo station and his determination to continue regardless contrast markedly with the dispirited Mulder who made only token efforts to fight the closure of the X-Files. I am pleased that something has pulled him out of his slump. I only wish I had not been so intimately involved. I had thought my days of lying to fellow agents and running from the military were over. I wonder if my efforts to reconnect with Mulder were a mistake. I had my opportunity to walk away without any blame attached, but instead I allowed myself to be dragged back into the web of lies and confusion that is Mulder's quest. What will be the repercussions of tying myself to a cause I'm not even sure I believe in? I cannot assume my actions will have no consequences. What they may be, I'm not sure. All I do know is that I could not leave Mulder to languish in apathy and defeat. They can take their best shot; I'll stand by my choice. In the meantime, if another mutant comes along, Mulder, count me in. The Enb!