From: "Demonchic _" Date: Mon, 04 Sep 2000 10:06:34 GMT Subject: Desobeissance Pt. 2 (1/4) Source: xff Title: (1/4) Coeur de Deux Esprits (sequel to desobeissance sincere) Author: DeMoNChiC E-mail: Demonchic@crazedanddazed.com Spoilers: Requiem BIG TIME. I'm sure you're all surprised. Ahem, anyhoo, lots of REALLY small ones that you won't know unless you've seen them anyway though. Rating: eh, i hate this part...Nc-17 adult situations, mild language, yadda yadda yadda. Category: Scully angst, MSR, some mild mulder angst Summary: Scully continues to try to make sense of the thoughts and emotions of the last year, as well as the new fears brought by Mulder's sudden return. Disclaimer: As much as I wish the characters of the x-files were mine, they aren't. But with Britian opening the door to human cloning, perhaps one day they will be....But until then they belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen, Fox, and all the rest of those lucky bastards. Distribution: If you'd care to put this anywhere I'll be incredibly flattered. And though I like to know where my stuff is online so when people send me inquiries about pieces I know where to send them, I'm not going to request you tell me. I've realized it doesn't work. :) Comments: YOU MUST HAVE READ DESOBEISSANCE SINCERE FOR THIS TO MAKE ANY SENSE WHAT SO EVER. Being that it's quite new, you can mail me, if you can't find it on your own. Feedback and comments are greatly welcome. I actually do use the suggestions i recieve to formulate ideas of where to go next. Demonchic@crazedanddazed.com Memo: Author notes and ruthless begging for feedback at end. She paced the floor nervously. She bit her lip tautly as she stopped to stare out the window at the night sky. How many nights had she sat up staring out that same window? Wondering where he was, and if he'd ever come back. It had always worked in the same cycle. She'd be amazed at the thought of him being billions of miles away, near to one of those fantastic stars. Then the remorse would flood her body and she'd cry for fear he'd never come back to her. She could make out the fingerprints against the glass. The finger prints from all those lonely nights. She shot the laptop a sidelong glance. She'd sent the mail hours ago. She'd expected he would write immediately. That he wouldn't waste anytime trying to resurrect their relationship. She wasn't sure it needed to be resurrected at all though. She still loved him madly. But her heart couldn't take another loss. Not another heartache. She was terrified of having him returned to her, only to be taken again. The chances of him coming back once were astounding, but twice? It would never happen. The next time she would hope and hope and hope he'd come back. Not just her, his son too. And he never would because it was impossible. Once was incredible, but twice... She sat on the cushioned chairs built into the windows. She missed him miserably. She had missed him horribly every night. Despite the anger. She hadn't experienced anything intimate in nearly a year. It wasn't a big deal when she was pregnant. Except for those rare nights when her hormones surged and she desired nothing more than a good fuck. It was a harsh statement, but it was the truth. She hadn't even touched herself in the last year. It didn't seem right to her. Not with out him near... She glanced at the glowing screen across the room. She momentarily wondered if she had turned the volume up. But she didn't move. She'd checked it six times already. It was up. He probably hadn't got it yet. Or he just didn't know what to say. Or maybe he thought she'd betrayed him by not coming to him. She winced. It sounded so Jane Austen. "He's angry because I didn't come to him." Like she was some kind of courtier, or something. Desperate for a profitable marriage to a wealthy handsome man. She'd always enjoyed the books as a young woman, but now they made her angry. Her chapped lips twitched into a small smile as she imagined him sitting before a laptop reading and rereading her letter. The panic face, full on. The phone rang shrilly in her ear. She raised an eyebrow and walked to the phone. She couldn't imagine who would call this late. Her mother never would have given him the number. Not yet. "Hello?" Her voice was casual and somewhat tired. "You know the panic face Scully? I'm making it now." Her heart pounded in her chest at the sound of the familiar, gruff, voice. She sank down onto the couch. Her eyes moved rapidly about the room, like the thoughts in her head. Her body tensed and begged her to hang up. But her conscience, her mind, refused to let her. "Fox?" Her voice wavered heavily. "Yeah....Who else?" She could hear the smirk in his voice. She could sense his apprehension. She hoped he could sense hers. "Are you okay, Dana?" "...I think so....I'm not sure." It was probably the first time she hadn't said, "I'm fine." She'd tried that over the last year, she couldn't be fine anymore. She hadn't been fine and she wasn't now. She was confused. "I can understand that." There was a momentary pause is his surprisingly calm voice, "I'm sorry...." "For what?" Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper. There was remorse in his voice. "For not being there to protect you. For not being there period." She sunk her teeth into her lip as the tears seared her eyes, "ok." It was the most she could manage with out starting to sob into the handset of the phone. There was a long silence as she attempted to stifle her tears. Every so often a soft, frustrated, groan would penetrate his silence as he attempted to think of someway to comfort her with out telling her not to cry. He never told her not to cry. He'd always just let her. But in the rare few times she had actually cried in front of him, he'd been there, and held her. She knew that groan, or grunt, it was one of those sounds people make when they realize you're sad, but they aren't sure how to start making you feel better about it. She remembered quite clearly the time he'd held her to him after his neighbor had tried to kill her. "I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to send you a postcard..." A smile twitched all to briefly across her face. His humor. It was always so wry and well, corny. But he nearly always managed to get a reaction from her somehow. A roll of her eyes or even occasionally, a burst of heartfelt laughter. "I guess you didn't bring me a t-shirt either then?" She managed to rasp it out softly, between her falling tears. He chuckled softly, "No. But I'm sure I thought about you every minute....I don't remember anything, but I'm certain I did." "Are you?" It wasn't a question that needed to be asked. But she asked it all the same. Either to hear the answer, or to fill the heart wrenching silence. "I'm so ....confused." Her voice was broken by her thoughts. Her overtly rational mindset. Perhaps the one thing about her that had not been affected. Her stringent rationality. What was there to be confused about? He was the same man as he was before he left. He was the father of their baby. She was still the same person as before. Wasn't she? She was still Dana Scully. She still clung to crass science. She still loved him. Being a mother changed a person, but not to such extremes that it would ruin a strong relationship. What was there to be confused about? The answers were there. "About what? Us? Me?" His voice was soothing. " I don't know...." She sunk roughly into the cushions of the couch. The tears streaked down her face. She'd been so angry with him for so long. She couldn't be angry anymore. She had to admit it wasn't his fault. "It won't happen again Dana. That's what you're thinking isn't it? That I'll disappear again. And that you wouldn't be the only one to get hurt if I did disappear again." She sniffled loudly wiping the tears from under each eye with the pad of her thumb, "do you think I wanted to go? Is that it? All these years I've been chasing the truth and I have the opportunity to be abducted, and you think I left you on because I wanted to go?" She bit her lip tightly between her teeth, "Did you?" "NO! Jesus Dana! I went because I had to. Yes, there was an all too brief chance to run....But I thought I had to. I thought it was you or me. So I went! I thought I was protecting you! And damn it Dana, if that was the truth, I would have gone even if I had known....If I hadn't thought I was protecting you I would have turned on my heels and ran like hell, right back to you! Or I would have died trying! You can't think I would ever leave you because I wanted to. Christ Scully! I spent seven years working up the nerve to get us to where we were...I love you Dana." "I know...I know you do...." She licked the salty tears off her lips, "I...just don't know Fox. There's so much going through my head right now. So much that I can't figure out." "Like what?" His voice was exasperated. Not because of her, because of the situation. He didn't blame her for being this upset, she could sense that. She could hear it in his voice. Seven years of knowing one another, she knew every tone his voice could carry. " I....I didn't look for you. Not like I should have! I tried at first and then... everything... I just couldn't. I couldn't go, and I couldn't afford it. And there was nothing to follow that I could find. And I was so scared of Krychek and anyone related to him. I was too afraid to contact them, so I gave up...I've never felt so helpless...or worthless. Everything I've seen, everything I've been through, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring you home." The tears stung her eyes again, "I'm so sorry...." She could see the look on his face, the mixture of concern and sorrow, for her. For her pain, and, in this case, her guilt. "Scully, listen to me....You made the right choices. You did everything I would have wanted you to do...You're still a strong woman Dana. Being afraid of something doesn't make you less of a woman, or a different woman. You've lived through more frightening things than any person ever should, and barely flinched at any of them, and you've recovered amazingly from things that would have scarred others for life. You're an amazing woman, you're allowed to be terrified, you're allowed to be scared." "Kay..." she sunk down on to the cushions of the small alcove. Her head rested against the cushioned arm, " I just...I feel so guilty for not trying harder..." "Kay? Wow, you must be upset if you're agreeing with me." He mused in his husky voice. He was tired. She could hear it in his voice, "You don't need to feel guilty about not looking harder for me. I'm here, I'm back. I made it back on my own. And I don't really think that anything you could have done would have made a difference Dana. I don't think I was coming back until they were ready to let me." "Maybe you're right. But, I just feel like I should have.... Anyway, I think feel more guilty about the name thing anyway." His laughter made her heart skip a beat. She smiled softly to herself. "Yeah, well, I'll let you feel guilty about that for now. You must have been really pissed at me." He chuckled. "It was about the same time I realized you were still pushing my buttons from billions of light years away." She smiled lightly again as he chortled, " are you still making the panic face?" "No, but I'm sure it'll be back. Just as soon as I think about it long enough to panic again....How is he, Dana?" "Asleep. That's one area I got lucky in, he's slept through the night since he came home." "Did your mom go with you? To the hospital? Did someone stay with you when you came home?" She hesitated. He wanted to hear that she'd been cared for while he was gone. That there had been someone there for her when she'd needed him the very most. But she had turned everyone down. She wanted to do it on her own. She didn't want to need anyone.... " I thought if I asked them...or excepted...they'd think I couldn't do it alone. And they'd harp on me forever. I just wanted to go on with my life, if you weren't coming home, I just wanted to ...heal." " I know Fox, but..." "No, it's fine. I understand why you made that choice Dana. I just, shit Scully. I wish I had been there for you. You needed me. Both of you did. And I wasn't there. I just wish someone could have been there with you to make sure you were okay." It wasn't really fine with him. Under any other circumstances she'd have been getting an earful of how stupid and irresponsible she'd been. And how as a doctor she should have known it wasn't safe for her to be alone immediately. Not give her high risk. Not with her medical history. "I'm okay...." "Are you?" "I'm fine." She smiled coyly to herself. "Ha ha, Scully. Are you okay? Be serious, I need to know." "Yes...I think I'm getting there." The anger was gone, the confusion subsiding, but the absence was still there. There was a nervous feeling that came with idea of uprooting her life again. But she wasn't so sure he wanted to uproot it. For so long she'd convinced herself that he wasn't the man he was. She forgot his mannerisms, his common phrases, his quirks, and humor. She'd pushed it all out of her mind. The only times she remembered the person he actually was, were brief and depressing for her. She'd never thought he could come back and it could all be the same. She'd spent so much time preparing herself, mentally, for if he never came back, that she'd never thought about what she'd do if he did. "Getting there?" "It's a process Mulder. A lot has happened for me. A lot is happening now. I'm sure I will be fine though. I'm sure I'll always be afraid of you being taken again. I'm sure I'll always worry about that. And I'm sure I'll always feel guilty about not looking harder for you....But I suppose those are things that I'm going to have to learn to live with. I just have to adjust to the fact, that just when I was certain you were gone forever, you've come back..." "I suppose I can live with that for now. If you're okay with it...Things will definitely be fine later. The world didn't end when we had sex, and it didn't end when you had my baby, so I figure you being okay is a pretty sure thing." She laughed softly, "Yeah. Armageddon was heavy on my mind the first couple nights." His laughter was rough and tired, "so, Kyhber...you were REALLY pissed weren't you? Ugh...anyway...Tell me about him." "He's a baby...that's about it." She chuckled, " He doesn't have ESP or anything. I hope you aren't too disappointed." "How could I possibly be disappointed I never thought I'd have children. Besides, it's a little early for you to be sure he doesn't have ESP or something." "Really?" "Yeah, most ESP isn't detected until..." "I meant the part about you wanting kids!" She rolled her eyes. For a moment she couldn't believe she'd thought he'd ever change, "I never knew you'd even thought about it.... Besides maybe when you told me about that dream you'd had...when they operated on you...." "Yeah, well, I guess I never talked about it because I didn't want you to feel bad about not being able to. I would have been happy with just you. But...anyway, tell me about him, tell me everything." "He was born on January 21st, at night...I think it was 12:04 or something. I was on a lot of medication. I don't remember very well. It's all written down in his baby book. There are lots of pictures." "How much did he weigh?" "7 lbs 3 oz. It feels a lot like trying to pass a watermelon. I have it all on tape for you...I guess I always thought you'd come back to us.... subconsciously...it's so strange. I told myself everyday you weren't coming back. But I kept ALL your stuff. All your furniture, your sunflower seeds, your fish...I wanted to be prepared if you did, I guess." "My fish aren't dead? That's amazing. Don't tell me their names...I suppose you didn't keep all those movies that weren't mine though." He chuckled lightly, "I don't want to discuss that though. How tall or long, or whatever you measure babies in, was he?" "I don't remember exactly Fox. He was kind of short. No NBA star I'm sorry to tell you." She smiled patiently. "That's what they said about Mugsy, Scully. Besides baseball is just as good. You think he'll let me teach him how to hit a home run?" "I'll be surprised if he can hold a bat." She chuckled, "But maybe when he's older." "Scully, come on now, What's he look like?" "Kind of like the mail man...." She giggled as he groaned. "I'm not sure whether to be frustrated with you for hassling me or happy because you're making jokes, mean jokes, albeit, jokes." She sighed, "I'm sorry. I just haven't felt so...stable...in so long. I've had nothing but questions and uncertainties for the last year. Things like, how I was going to explain to him why you were gone, or who was going to teach him to hit those deep left fielders, or any of that. It seems weird, but those kinds of things worried me more than my paranoid ideas about him being taken away. I'm glad you're back...I'm glad you understand why this is so ...hard for me." "I'm glad you feel that way, Dana. It means a lot for me to hear that. Because, frankly, this baby thing, scares the hell out of me...And I'm not so sure of myself. Nobody ever sets out to be a bad father. I'm sure my dad didn't intend to alienate me. I'm sure he didn't want me to feel awkward about my relationship with him, but that's what happened..." "You'll be a fine father. He's his father's son in everyway. He looks exactly like you. And he even seems to enjoy basketball and baseball when it's on TV." "That's my boy." She could almost hear the grin that she knew was plastered across his face. "I'm glad you're back Fox. I keep having nightmares about him being thirty and spending his weekends at one of those weekend male sensitivity camps." She bit the inside of her lip softly. "And you think I'm going to be able to help with that? I'm flattered." He snickered, "I really hate to say this Scully, but I'm exhausted, and I can hardly even keep my eyes open....umm...I'll call you tomorrow morning? Is that okay?" his voice was hopeful and laced with exhaustion. Her eyes shifted uneasily around the room. His books, his trinkets, his Navajo blanket. She'd always thought, in the very deepest recesses of her mind that he would come back...and even if he hadn't, she wasn't about to ever truly forget him. " I wish you didn't have to go...." Her sudden honesty startled her. "..Maybe I could manage a little longer..." he sounded relieved, but still so tired. "No...no, you've had a rough few days...you should get some sleep tonight...You'll call tomorrow?" "Yeah, first thing. I've missed you Dana. Even though I don't remember anything from when I was gone, I miss you ...more than anything I've ever missed in my life..." His voice was melancholy and almost lonely. She remembered how sad she'd felt when he'd told her how many times he'd watched that stupid Ed Wood movie. She had been so relieved when she'd finally mustered the courage to cross the line with him. She remembered thinking, he wouldn't have to be alone anymore, "Goodnight, Dana." "Fox!" Her eyes widened at the volume and suddenness of her own voice. "Yeah?" " I've been thinking...." She furrowed her brow, not sure herself what she was doing, "Maybe it would be better if you stayed here...with us...I mean...I have all your things. You're clothes, books, computer...I have all of that....and you need to see Kyhber. You need to get to know each other...and ...I still love you...and I don't see any other way for me to adjust to you being back, if you aren't, here. And its not like we'll be seeing each other at work everyday anymore..." Her heart hammered erratically in her chest. She certainly had never planned to ask him to come live with her this soon, she almost felt sick at the idea of it. "Scully...I don't know...I mean, are you sure you're ready for this? I'll be okay here if you're not..." his concerned words were strung with hope. He wanted to be right back were he was before, and she wanted him there too. "I'm not saying that the minute you walk in the door things are going to be the same as they were Fox. I'm saying that they never will be if I keep harboring these ideas that they never can be...if they never even have a chance." "We didn't live together before Dana...It won't be the same..." "It's not the same. We have a baby...I'll be honest with you Mulder. I'm scared shitless. I really am. I don't know what's going to happen, but I have a son, who needs his father, and no matter how scared I am, I have to do what's best for him. And at this point, what's best for him, is to start getting to know his father." "You truly are a miraculous woman Dana Scully....I'll have your mom bring out tomorrow morning?" "Yeah, that'll be fine." Silence filled the air, the whir of her laptop became apparent and his soft breathing against the phone seemed almost soothing to her. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then..." "Kay...Goodnight Fox..." She sat staring into the darkness of the room about her. She glanced out the window at the silhouettes outside. She listened carefully to the creeks of the house in the cool night air. This was a night unlike the others. She smiled a content and nervous smile and made her way slowly up the stairs to her room. Finis Coeur de Deux Esprits (1/?) "You should have let your mom go..." His voice was serious and concerned. She sat quietly at the cool marble counter. The Newspaper lay unfolded before her. She never read the paper. She skimmed it. She only read the issues that interested her, Dear Abby, and the editorials. They made her so angry. They kindled that old fire she'd had when she'd worked for the FBI. When she'd fought for his cause. She missed those days sometimes. Not all the time though. Sometimes she was grateful that it was over. That she didn't have to think about Fluke men, vampires, aliens, or garbage monsters. It was all fodder for decades of stories to tell to Kyhber. Though she often wondered if she should. If perhaps he wasn't better off not being brought up believing in all of those things. It hadn't got Mulder much in life....Unless, perhaps, in some strange way, it had brought him to her. Or her to him. She winced, perhaps she was more Jane Austen than she thought. She despised being like of those lovelorn women who pined after well-bred men. Even if Mulder wasn't exactly well bred, she certainly felt no different than one of those women. She pined after him, had followed him to the ends of the earth for seven years, and found herself tied up in knots over the thought of losing him. She twisted her face in disgust. No one was perfect. She frowned and leaned back in the stool, resting her arms on the low metal arm rests. It was nearly 10. He hadn't told her when they were leaving. Or even approximately when he'd arrive. She'd woken up at 7 and called Linonie at work. Fortunately, she'd developed a friendship with her colleagues at the Children's clinic. They were perhaps the closest thing to friends she'd had in a long time. They were all single mothers, and they all knew the story. They'd cover for her until she was ready to go back. After she'd managed to convince them she'd tell them all about it when she came back, she hastily taken a shower, trimmed her hair, and spent a grueling hour and a half doing her hair and makeup. She wasn't sure, but she was fairly certain that that was worse than being anything like a Jane Austen character. She'd always cared how she looked, but she'd never 'gussied up' for a man in her life. At least not for a man she's known for seven years, when they were meeting in her own home. Maybe for a fancy dinner date. She smirked. And turned in the chair. She stared out the sliding glass door over the large wooden porch. It was a cool overcast day. She liked those days best. She disliked the days when the sun glared down on the beach and she had to squint to look at the ocean. Not that she'd looked at the ocean much in the last year. It had been a stark reminder of that dream he'd told her about. Building a sand UFO on the beach with a little boy. He shook her head. Poor Kyhber. She slid out of the chair and padded over to the glass door. She leaned against the glass and peered down the beach toward the neighbor's house. The Alders, Atlers, something like that. They'd come over once to welcome her to the neighborhood. They seemed nice enough, but she hadn't been much for making new friends. She sighed. The husband was a hunting guide. Sometimes he'd stand outside and practice his duck calls. Like today. She didn't mind, it was probably the only thing that truly amused her over the last year. Outside of Kyhber's baby antics. She stepped out onto the porch and walked to the railing. She peered over the edge and followed the steps down to the hard cobblestone poolside. She studied the cool blue water and sighed. It would be a good day for swimming. She didn't get to often. She didn't care to be to far from the house even if he was sleeping. Sometimes she put him in his little seat and sat him on the patio in the shade. She never swam long, and he seemed to enjoy watching her. She didn't doubt that she'd have to have a gate installed soon. The minute he could walk he'd be trying to go swimming on his own. Her head jerked up sharply at the faint thump coming from the other side of the house. She walked slowly into the kitchen shutting the doors behind her as she went. She looked up to the open bedroom door as she walked into the living room. He was sleeping late today. She'd checked on him several times. It wasn't unusual for him to sleep so long. She figured by now he was awake but content to just lay in his crib. There wasn't much else for him to do. A loud knock echoed through the house. She stood staring at the door precariously. She swallowed hard and bit into her lip. Her hands slid over her hips, straightening her white Capri pants. She tugged the bottom of her black tank carefully and ran her hand over the back of her neck to make sure it was tied snuggly behind her neck. The knots her stomach tightened as she drew in a final deep breath and reached carefully for the brass handle of the front door. She pulled it open, slowly leaning her weight against the edge of the door carefully. Their backs were turned as they surveyed the somewhat extravagant driveway. It looped around and was lined by a well-kept yard and Japanese gardens, little ones of course. Sturdy, gray, stonewalls lined the front yard area and a small, metal gate guarded the driveway. She rarely closed it though. Only when bouts of paranoia swept over her. And when she saw the girl scouts making their rounds during cookie sales. The last thing she needed was a freezer of Girl Scout cookies. She took the chance to study him, to find her voice. He was leaner than when he'd gone. His hair had been freshly cut. She could tell because he always cut it excruciatingly short when he did go to get it done. She liked his hair longer. When it stood on end and stray hairs hung in front over his face. Her eyes followed the smooth line of his freshly shaved jaw. She was glad she wasn't the only one who spent a considerable about of time preparing for this moment. She opened her mouth and closed it tightly again. A numbing pain flooded across her forehead. She closed her for a brief second, 'Just get it over with Dana.' She chided herself. "Hi, Mom." She smirked a little as they both turned sharply toward her. "Well, hi sweetie!" she leaned against her mom's shoulder slightly as she accepted her mother's smothering hug. "Hi." Her voice was sounded so bashful as she pushed a stray hair behind her ear, she cringed. She felt like she was getting ready to go to the prom. She felt stupid. "Hey." His mouth quirked in an awkward manner as he stepped forward to give her a friendly embrace. She let her weight shift lightly against his body as he pulled her close. He was being extremely careful not to frighten her. He was tense, she could feel the tension in his shoulders as her hands rested on his back briefly. She imagined she felt about the same to him. She let a small sigh slip as his embrace loosened. She was torn between whether or not she wanted him to notice she had, or not. His strong hands gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he stepped away from him. "You look...great." He smiled awkwardly. His eyes said it all though. He had that same leer in eyes, the same, "Marry me Scully," "That's a Nice piece of ash," leer that he had so nearly not gotten away with. She smiled back skeptically. He wasn't thinking about the house anymore. "Dana, honey, when you said it was a little big, I was thinking.....Three bedrooms big or something like that. But this place is awfully big for just you and a baby." "I know mom. I told you it was too big for just us. But I bought it, and I like it. So....Here I am." She rolled her eyes and found herself looking to him for assurance. His eyes met hers with a wry smile. "I like it. It reminds me of where I grew up." He nudged her softly with his elbow as he walked by her into the living room area. She smiled softly and walked slowly into the living room behind him. She watched him survey the room. He walked to the bookshelf and ran his fingers over her collection of hardbound classics. He paused a few shelves down as his eyes read over the titles, "Area 51" "Alien Autopsy" "Mythical Creatures of the Northwest." A small smile crept over his face as he recognized all of his books. She was glad she'd kept them despite the several long nights she'd felt like ridding herself of all the reminders of him. She sighed loudly as her mother's voice bellowed from the kitchen, "A swimming pool! Dana, what do you need a swimming pool for? Especially when you're so close to the beach! I don't think this is a very safe environment to raise a baby in Dana." Mulder's eyes stared toward the kitchen as her mother's criticisms echoed off the walls of the house. She lifted her eyes softly when she felt his gaze fall on her. He widened his eyes and shook his head, "I think its great." He spoke in a low voice. "Thank you." She whispered as she leaned against the wall. "I'm assuming you have a bathroom down here I can use." "Yeah, it's through that door, and to the right." She watched as he walked toward the door. Her eyes shifted to the sound of her mother's feet shuffling along the carpet toward her. "Really Dana, this place is far to extravagant. Why could you possibly need a swimming pool?" Her voice was whining and condescending. She closed her eyes tightly, and sighed, trying to ignore her. "I didn't need it mom. I wanted it." She grumbled and pushed away from the wall. She turned her attention to shutting down her laptop. Maybe if she pretended she was busy her mother would leave her alone. "You should have joined a health club if you wanted a pool. It's not safe for babies Dana. And neither is being so close to the beach!" "Fox likes swimming pools okay mom. Even as mad as I was at him, and even though I wanted him to hate this place, I somehow managed to subconsciously pick exactly what he would have wanted. I guess I must I have thought it would make him happy to come back to a place like this. Or maybe I thought that if I got things he'd like, it would make him come back somehow, Okay? Is that a good enough reason for you mom?" She clenched her jaw as she felt the tears burning their way into her eyes. "That's ridiculous Dana! You're smarter than that. Fox cares about you. Not about a house. He would have been happy to find you back at your apartment. In fact it probably would have made him happier! He doesn't have anything that he remembers anymore. It would have been better if you had just stayed in your apartment. This is just stupid. It wasn't like he left you because he wasn't happy. You couldn't tempt him into coming back to you. Really, Dana." "Fine, Mom. Whatever. Okay? You're right. I don't have a damn clue about anything. Including myself. I don't even know what's going on in my own head. Is there anything else you'd like to criticize before you leave? Maybe you'd like to go see Kyh, and tell me what I'm doing wrong with him. Or maybe you'd like to criticize his name again?" She turned her face away as the tears welled up in her eyes. "Oh, Fox...I'm sorry you had to hear all that." She closed her eyes as the condescension oozed from her mother's voice. She walked quickly from the room. She made her way quickly through the kitchen to the back door. She slipped out onto the wooden porch and padded quickly across the wooden planks to the shaded porch swing. She sank heavily into the black cushions. The tears trailed over her cheeks and down her jaw line. She glanced up to the bedroom window. She'd have to go get him soon. Awake or not. He needed to get up. Her heart panged suddenly at the thought of him. He was the only person in the last year who hadn't complained at her about her choices or her decisions. She released a shaky sigh. "Are you alright?" Her eyes shot toward the voice. She wiped the tears from her eyes quickly. "You startled me. I didn't hear you coming." "You left the door open...Sorry." She stared down at the wood grain planking as he sat cautiously next to her. He sat precariously near the edge. His feet planted firmly, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped tightly, "It's a great house Dana. Really. It's a great place to raise kids. He'll be very happy here." "That's not what bothers me. She's been doing this to me from the very beginning. She criticized me keeping both apartments. She criticized my buying a house. She criticized me for not taking birthing classes. And for not 'getting into the parental role' because I didn't like to go baby shopping. She criticized his name. She was infuriated when I didn't what to have him christened, or circumcised. She's even told me I'm not stable enough to be a parent because I didn't do those things..." She covered her eyes as the sobs rose in her throat, "I did the best I could. I don't know what everyone wants from me." She fought the sobs rising in her throat. She didn't want him to see her like this on their first day together. Not within the first hour. Her intuition told her to go get Kyhber. He'd coo and gurgle and blow bubbles with his drool when he saw her and she'd feel entirely justified in every decision she'd ever made. And he wouldn't complain about anything she'd ever done. She let out a pitiful sob. She'd been so dependent on him these last few months. He was the only person in her life anymore. There was no wonder why she never saw her family. She cringed. She shivered as a large warm hand settled on the back of her neck. She shuddered and let her body collapse against his side. She felt the familiar sensation of his arm sliding around her waist, supporting her against his body. She didn't sob, she just lay against him, taking long deep breaths. She felt his lanky fingers squeeze her ribs tenderly. His cheek came to rest softly against her head. It reminded her of them lying together in the cabin in Oregon. She opened her eyes as she remembered him leaning against her on the plane, his cheek resting against her hair. "Are you going to ask me to check out your mosquito bites this time too?" He'd grumbled into her hair with a sly grin. If she hadn't been so sick she might have. She sighed heavily and pulled away from him. She wiped the tears from under her eyes. "Okay now?" He inadvertently pushed the hair back behind her ear. She watched as he pulled his hand back awkwardly. "Yeah. I'm okay now." She took hold of his hand. Squeezing it gently between her small fingers. His thumb traced small circles across the back of her hand. "I need to go wake the baby. He'll be up till dawn if I don't." She stood slowly, pushing the hair back behind her ears, "Did you want to come?" He looked up at her with large hazel eyes, "uh...yeah. Of course I do." He stood quickly. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. She walked slowly to the door. There was no sound of footsteps behind her though. She turned to him curiously and laughed. The panic face. She'd missed that face. She smiled and walked back to him. She took hold of his fingers and tugged him into motion. He didn't speak a word as she led him through the kitchen and into the living room. His hand was heavy in hers as she led him up the stairs and into the bedroom. She paused in the doorway of the nursery, shooting him a comforting smile over her shoulder before walking to the crib. She dropped his hand a few steps from the crib and leaned over the side of the crib. She laughed. "How'd I know you'd already be awake?" She cooed into the crib. Her fingers brushing his round cheeks, "Guess who's here to see you? Your daddy!" She laughed as he blew loud bubbles. She looked over her shoulder again. He stood, his arms wrapped across his stomach, in the middle of the room. Exactly where she'd dropped his hand. His face sported panic like she'd never seen it before. His eyes were fixed firmly on the crib. She knew he couldn't see into it. But he sure as hell was trying. "Do you think you can make it the rest of the way over here, or do I need to come and get you again?" She couldn't suppress the giggle that rose in her throat. The kind of giggle that was reserved for only especially awkward moments. Like that horrid movie incident. She stifled her laughter as he walked precariously toward the crib. He paused nervously beside her, looking her directly in the eyes before peering into the crib. She watched his eyes widen in amazement as he stared into the crib. "Hi." His voice was thick with astonishment. His efforts were rewarded with a loud gurgling sound and a chubby, toothless smile. She watched as a smile spread quickly across his face as he reached into the crib. He grinned happily as his fingers brushed the hair off the small forehead. He let his chin rest on his arm on the railing while he smiled contently as his hand was griped firmly in a tiny fist. She jumped slightly as he looked up at her suddenly. "Can I?" He looked like a little boy who'd just got his Christmas wish. He was so desperate to be a good father. He'd been hurt so badly by his parents, she couldn't imagine him doing anything to hurt his own child. She'd seen how he protected her before he had any true right to. She didn't doubt there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for his own child. "Of course you can Fox.... He's your son too." She smiled as he grinned. It was a stupid grin, but she was sure she looked the same way when she'd first heard that she was pregnant. And again when he was born. Kyhber had a natural aptitude for making people grin stupidly. She had no doubt that that would evolve into the ability to make people look stupid, like Mulder could. Her concentration broke as she watched him reach down awkwardly. "Do I need to support his head or anything Scully..." He laughed at his own awkwardness. "Yeah, just a little." She made no move to help him. She took a deep breath as she watched him adjust his large, powerful hands. They looked so intimidating, but she knew better. She never felt anything but kindness from them. They were kind and gentle. She trusted them explicitly. Her eyebrows rose as he stood with a soft grunt. He wasn't a heavy baby, not yet. But she did the same thing when she lifted him. She'd decided it must have been the weight of the responsibility that came with him. She grinned as he laid the little form against his shoulder. He turned his head to peer down at the round face lying against his shoulder. He smiled happily. "Well, good. Now you can change him and feed him and give him a bath." She smiled coyly as his eyes widened and he turned his attention back to large hazel eyes staring up at him. "I think I should warn you. I've never done this before." ********************************************************* She sprawled lazily on the backless settee in the parlor room. She turned the volume down as she listen to Mulder's voice echoing off the walls in the bathroom. "18....19...20..." She pushed herself up on her elbows and furrowed her brow curiously, " What ARE you doing Mulder." "Counting extremities. 21!" She laughed aloud, "Didn't you think I already did that?" "You just turn up your Mozart and let us boys be." She laughed aloud and walked across the room. She leaned her slender figure against the doorframe. She smiled coyly as she stared at Mulder hunched carefully over the baby tub. Kyhber's enthusiasm echoed of the tiles. She raised an eyebrow at his tight jeans and taunt black shirt. She couldn't believe she hadn't realized how incredible he looked. She'd noticed he looked well, but it had been that cursed doctor's scrutiny. He looked entirely gorgeous. He'd always been beautiful though. "I think you're Mom's checking me out. How bout you?" She rolled her eyes and stepped carefully onto the water spotted tiles. She leaned carefully against the counter. She ran her fingers through the soft wet hair. He smiled sweetly and cooed. "You're going to turn into a prune if you don't get out of that tub." "Should we tell her what we think of that?" He chuckled and stuck his tongue out, warranting a feeble attempt of mimicry. She laughed and playful threw a splash of water against his face. She grinned as Kyhber splashed excitedly. Soaking him further. "Traitor." She laughed and returned to her settee. She felt surprisingly content. There was still some hint of reservation. Some nervousness about loving him again. She was still in love with him. But if she didn't 'love' him, maybe it wouldn't be as bad again. Perhaps even more frightening was the realization that she had spent 7 years telling herself similar things. And it hadn't made things any easier. It just made it easier to deny, and easier to hide from. No matter how much her rational mind tried to rationalize a reason to not to love him again, she knew she didn't have any true choice. She should have figured out long ago that love was not rational. If it were, she would have fallen in love with a scientist, a man who shared her stark scientific beliefs, or at least a catholic man. If there was anything rational about love, she wouldn't have fallen in love with an atheistic man who chased aliens, believed in every venue of pseudo science, and had little or no rationality what so ever. There was nothing he did in moderation. She should have figured it out the first time she had an urge to pin him to his chair and make love to him, that her life, with him, was anything but rational. Finis (2/?) She smiled as she wondered if he'd ever known she'd thought about him that way. If he'd ever suspected it. She doubted it. She was staunch when it came to work. He knew that. He respected it. She supposed none of it mattered anymore though. She opened her eyes slowly and felt her heart skip a beat as her eyes focused on the figure before her. Standing with his shirtless back to her, the baby resting carefully on his shoulder, he stood before the large window. He examined the side yard from the window as she studied his lean figure. She raised an eyebrow as his gruff voice mumbled softly. "I bet she'll check me out now." She smiled to herself as she let her eyes follow his familiar form down her back over his incredible ass and down his finely toned runner's legs. Her eyes snapped back up to the small face cooing fondly at her. She frowned playfully at him as he called Mulder's attention to her. "Was she checking me out? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Her eyes glanced quickly at his flat abs. She blushed slightly as her eyes met his coy gaze. She glanced away, and as he spoke softly to his son about her supposedly checking him out, she let her eyes run over the rest of his body quickly. Her eyes lingered just below the boarder of his jeans. "Better be careful there Dr. Scully. Look were those kind of thoughts got you last time." He waggled his eyebrows at her as he walked to the center of the room. She watched as he settled on the floor, adjusting the baby securely against his chest. He laid his head back against the carpet. And closed his eyes. She felt relaxed. But only momentarily...It had only been a day. Not even a full day. She couldn't fall into changing her life like this so fast....She couldn't be ready for this now....Could she? After everything she'd gone through, everything she'd felt over the last year, she couldn't possibly just...go back to the way things were...That weren't the same...They had a baby...Was it at all possible for them to just fall back into a relationship that was just beginning and have a baby together....She furrowed her brow again...She'd never had a doubt in her mind, since they'd gone from work partners to intimate partners, that, even with the odds stacked against them, they would always remain together. Perhaps it was seven years of facing the most difficult moments of their lives together, or maybe it was the fact they knew they could stand being together in closed spaces for extended amounts of time. It had never crossed her mind, in the months that they were tiptoeing across the line, and the blissful few months that they had entirely obliterated the line, that they would ever 'break up.' "Did you ever think we would break up?" She met his startled expression as he lifted his head sharply. She wasn't sure herself, where she had found the courage to ask such a bizarre question. Perhaps it was necessity. She needed to know if he'd always felt as sure about their relationship as she had. She recognized the look in his eyes as startled confusion, " I mean, while we were starting our relationship and when we had started our a relationship...did it ever, at any point, cross your mind that it might not work? That it might ruin our friendship. Or that we would ...break up..." His eyes fell as he thought back, "Before we started pursuing it....I think I was afraid it might...because I didn't know if you felt the same...But once we were on the same track together, and were open about it, ...no. I can't remember it even crossing my mind....I knew that you'd always be in my life regardless though. Whether it was friendship or lover, I didn't know which one, until I knew you felt the same..." She looked back up to the ceiling as she tried to sort things out. "I know you're confused about all this right now...but I don't think you can figure this out all on your own.... I think you need to talk about this. I think WE do." "Is that your opinion as a concerned friend or a psychologist." She managed to quip. "Both. I think there are a lot of things we left unsaid before I was taken...that didn't need to be said at the time. You were sure of things then. It made sense to you then. Now things are obviously different." He gestured to small body lying against his chest, "You're priorities are different. Before it was your career and us...Now I can see that it's him and your career and us. But regardless, I think you need to hear those things we didn't say, so you can be sure of things again. I may not have understood your obsession with having a desk, or having your name on the door....but I get this Dana." He smiled weakly. "It's us and my career. All of us." She spoke softly. "I'm glad. Because all I've got right now is us." Her eyes met his quickly. She'd never even thought of it. Well, she'd thought about it. Back when she was left with no choice but to give up his apartment and sell his car. He didn't have anything left. His parents were gone. He could have his job back if he wanted it, but it would just be him. He didn't have an apartment, or a car, the gunmen would take him in...but that would have been a step down even for him. "You never once thought, after we were together, that we would ever be any other way?" Her eyes locked with his. "I can't remember one time, Scully. I've been in love with you for years...you know that. I've told you that." He smirked. He'd been panting heavily as he knelt between her thighs, his rough jaw rubbed against her cheek as she'd locked her lips firmly on his throat, "I've wanted this for so fucking long..." His voice had been raspy and deep. She could almost feel the way it had vibrated against her eardrum. She hadn't thought about that night in so long. That first night, when by the grace of god she'd somehow realized that there was no other choice in the world but him. Every single moment had lead to him and her being together and remaining together. She felt a shudder run down her spine as she recalled the expression on his face as he'd woken up to her lips pressed firmly to his. "If you wanted the bed, all you had to do was ask...." He'd mumbled in a groggy, confused, and entirely hopeful voice. "Only if you stay with me." Her candidness had surprised her even more than him. She'd always known she could be entirely 'bad' if she saw fit. But that had been a step. She'd worked so hard to prove herself in a male driven career. And yet, she'd been entirely willing to risk it to be with him. Maybe it wasn't so surprising, she'd risked her career a thousand times over for him doing things she didn't even enjoy. "Scully. Are you sure?" he heart was pounding in her ears as she lay over his body kissing along the rough line of his jaw furiously. "I've nearly lost my job a million times because of you. At least this time I'll have enjoyed what I was doing." He'd chuckled and rolled her to her back quickly. Maybe he thought she would change her mind. He was an arrogant man. He rarely, if ever admitted he was wrong, but he had less self-esteem than most people she'd ever met. It made her sad. She knew he didn't think he deserved her. He thought he was incredibly lucky to have her. He felt guilty for her having lost so much. She nearly laughed allowed at the irony of his speech alluding to her not being able to have children, in Oregon. "What was that?" She'd leaned her head back into his pillow. He'd taken the opportunity to kiss her stretched out neck. "Broke the clock." His words where murmured against her throat. "Oh.." She'd turned her head to the side. He was stretching his arm out, fumbling for the drawer of the bedside table, " What are you doing?" She'd twisted her head back the other way and threaded her fingers into his hair. " ..ondomm..." At least that's what it sounded like as it tapered into a throaty growl as his lips found their way to the hollow of her throat. She'd wrapped her legs firmly around his waist and pressed herself firmly against him, "We don't need it...." She'd gasped it out in broken fragments as her breathing quickened sharply. There was no argument, no more questions. His hand fell to the mattress and found its way to a firm grip on her hip. She'd had the thumb shaped bruise for days. "If you had known you were going to get me pregnant would you have used a condom?" She felt somewhat guilty that he was answering her questions, surely he had some questions for her. He lifted his head from the floor again. "I thought you'd want us to. I didn't know." "But if you had thought I could get pregnant would you have wanted to use one." "If you didn't object...If you didn't want to I wouldn't have. I'm not trying to be agreeable or anything, if that's what you're thinking. I just ...I wouldn't have cared to be honest Scully." "Why?" "Honestly? I never thought I'd get the chance to have children until we started to delve into romance. If you weren't concerned about having my baby, I wouldn't have been either. I would have been pleased actually. You would have though." "Would have what?" "Would have been concerned about me getting you pregnant." "Oh? And why do you say that?" She rolled onto her side to see his face more clearly. "Because that's you Scully. If you had thought for a single second you were going to get knocked up you wouldn't have said a word about me trying to get that condom. Not on our first go round anyway. Maybe I could have gotten away with it one of the other times." He titled his head to the side and smiled at her. "I suppose you're probably right about that. But then again, you probably never thought I'd be the one to initiate our sexual relationship." She smiled back triumphantly. "That's very true." "Even if you are right, though. I wouldn't do anything differently." "So you're happy with this life." "Yeah.. I guess I am...I hadn't thought about it much to be honest. There's been so much else on my mind. I like my new job. I like just being a doctor again. And I like it here too I suppose. And I love being a mom, even if it's been really hard." "What haven't you liked?" "Being alone. Its not like I can spend much time with the family. They all have something to say to me about 'my problems.' I don't like the nights here. It's lonely. And I don't like knowing that things are getting overwhelming, and I don't have a choice about it. And I don't have anyone to help me. I don't like you being gone." She cocked her head at him, "Maybe that's the only reason I've been unhappy. You've been my best friend, confidant, and support for 7 years...and for the last year of that time, you'd become so much more to me, and then, when I need you the absolute most I realize just how important you've been to my life for so long. I mean, even if it hadn't been your baby, it seems safe to say I would have eventually looked to you for help...I would have ended up depending on you. Maybe that's what frightens me about all of this, I've always fancied myself being so independent and being a single mom I've seemingly conquered all venues of life single handedly. But that's not true. In every helpless moment of my life you've been the one to save me and help me. So maybe it stands to reason that this time when I needed you and wanted you, you weren't there, and I was suddenly faced with the fact that I am not an all powerful, all encompassing, iron clad woman. And after that it became blindingly apparent that the only reason I was even able to get away from the criticism of my mother and brother, and the only reason I could afford to leave the FBI and buy a home for us, was because you had come through for me again. And the only reason I wasn't entirely alone in the world was partially thanks to you as well. Then after realizing how much I've depended on you being here, you aren't here, and it was frightening..." She turned her gaze away from the ceiling to a wait his response to her theory, "Are you trying to turn me on Scully?" She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Seriously though Dana. I think you're cutting yourself a little short. No pun intended. You're a perfectly strong woman, but for the most part, I think you're theory on why this has been so volatile is probably mostly correct. I wasn't much better when you were taken. And we had probably barely begun to even seriously fantasize about a relationship with one another. I hardly left my apartment, and I paid for yours. For the most part I sat around feeling guilty and lonely. So even in the beginning, it was detrimental to me...I don't know what I would have done if you'd been taken and I found out I was pregnant." She laughed loudly, "I'd throw something at you if you weren't holding him." "I'll keep that in mind the next time I have the urge to taunt you ruthlessly." He chuckled. "Yeah, and he can keep you company on the couch afterward." She laughed as the panic face emerged again, "Don't you think you should save that look for truly dire situations." "What do you consider no sex to be?" He smirked. "Normal." She smiled as his laughter filled the room, "I'm suddenly very glad I can't remember the time I was gone." She rolled onto her stomach. Her cheek resting gently against the back of her hand. She watched the rhythmical rise and fall of Kyhber's back and Mulder's chest. "Did you ever ... 'think' of me...while I was gone." She couldn't help but laugh. He was the king of sexual banter and innuendoes, but went it came to being frank about his personal relations he lost all tact. "I was pregnant with your baby, I thought about you all the time." She smiled coyly as he rolled his eyes at her. "You know what I mean Scully." "Not like you're thinking. But there were several nights I wished you were here." "Are you saying you didn't ...." He stopped short a slight flush coloring his cheeks. "Masturbate, Mulder?" His eyebrows shot up as he leered at her, "You ARE trying to turn me on." "You're lucky I've missed you." She groaned and turned her face away from him. "And need me." She turned back to look at him. He waggled his eyebrows. "To think I wasted all that time trying to figure all of this out, and I could have captured the terror in those three little words." "One of these days I'm going to take you seriously and you'll hurt my feelings Scully." "One of these days you're going to tease me and I'm going to seriously hurt you." She smiled as he grinned. Their tit for tat matches had warranted many concerned looks from co-workers and innocent by standers. But it was all fun and games. "You know what I like Dana." He grumbled as he laid his arm across his eyes. "Yes, yes I do. And from what you tell me, I do it a hell of a lot better, or longer, or harder, or whatever, than any of the other girls you've been with. Which is a bit surprising considering all the other girls you've been with were sluts." He put his arm firmly on the ground and stared at her blankly as she got to her feet and sauntered toward the doorway, "And with that said I'm going to go take a nap." She allowed herself a satisfied grin as she heard the thump of his head connecting with the floor followed by a loud groan. She let her body fall onto the feather mattress. She laid an arm over her eyes as she laid on her back on the queen-sized bed. Her stomach churned. She felt like she was on a dingy. She liked boats but little boats on rough seas were bad no matter who you were. She rolled onto her stomach hoping it would calm her stomach. Her heart was moving more quickly than her mind was willing to let her. "Never let your heart lead your life Dana." Her grandmother had told her that on several occasions. She was never sure why. She'd been 8 when she died and boys were the last thing on her mind. It was sound advice but impossible to follow. Anyone who had ever been in love knew that you could try to lead a relationship with your head, but your heart always won out in the end. Rationalism had no place in love. It would be nice if it did, but it was futile, it never worked. She pressed her nose into the soft white comforter covering the bed. It seemed cruelly ironic that flashing taillights and tapping pens had given her enough assurance to get into bed with him after seven years, but nothing could calm the war going on between her heart and head now. She sighed and closed her eyes. ********************************************************* She sighed loudly and rolled off her bed. It was beginning to get dark. Quickly made her way down stairs. She'd prepared the bottles early in the morning, just like everything morning, but she'd been there to warm them for him. She wasn't overly worried. Mulder was a fast learner with an astounding memory. But he was nervous and even being a doctor and a constant babysitter of her nephews she had overheated bottles. Fortunately, she'd always realized ahead of time. She heard footsteps pacing slowly around the kitchen as she stepped off the stairs. She pushed the door open slowly. A weight lifted from her shoulders as she watched him pace past the windows, baby held tight to his chest with one arm, bottle in the other. "You're a natural." She pushed her hair behind her ear as she opened the refrigerator. "Thanks. It took me awhile to figure it out. I was going to get you to show me again, but I thought you deserved a chance to sleep." He smiled lopsidedly. "Yeah, thanks. But if you ever need to wake me...it's okay. I know how nerve wracking it is." She sighed as she moved food around on the shelves "Would you mind if we just ordered Chinese or something?" "Yeah. That's fine Scully. It's not like I'm accustomed to home made meals or anything." He smirked, but she felt a pang of sadness for the lack of stability he'd had in his life. She could feel his eyes on her as she leaned her elbows on the counter top while she ordered their dinner. She pushed the hair back behind her ear habitually. She heard his feet moving across the kitchen floor. A chill raced up her spine as his hip brushed against her as squeezed between her and the island. His heavy footsteps faded as he slid through the kitchen door and started up the stairs to the nursery. She took time to take a few deep breaths. It was a ritual she'd had since their first case. She sighed deeply as she remember how she'd thought her knees would give way when his fingers had touched the small of her back, just above the edge of her cotton panties. She chuckled softly to herself. She'd never worn simple cotton underwear on another case after that. If it hadn't been for the overwhelming fear she was feeling at the moment, it might not have taken seven years for them to consummate their relationship. Then again there hadn't been a relationship. Her brow creased. Perhaps there never would have been. Perhaps it would have ruined everything. "Am I interrupting?" She smiled at him as he approached her carefully. She raised her eyebrows in amusement as her eyes fell to the baby monitor clipped to his pocket, hanging where his gun normally dangled. "If I had...kissed you...or came onto you on our first case...would you have...slept with me." His eyebrows were raised to an all time high. "As arousing as the idea is now. No. I was convinced that you were with 'them.' I would have assumed you were just getting paid a lot more to make sure I got debunked...or put in jail for sexual harassment." He smirked. "I seriously doubt that you were ever concerned about sexually harassing me Mulder. You were flinging sexual banter from the moment I walked through the door." She pushed herself up on the counter. Her feet swung childishly against the cabinets. "I was just seeing what you were made of." "Uh huh. So it never could have happened? That night?" "Not unless I was incredibly drunk. Why?" her heart quickened as she realized he was slowly movingly closer. "I was thinking about what I said to you that night in your apartment. About everything leading up to a moment. And how the more I think about it, the truer it seems...Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Maybe the reason it couldn't have happened was because everything in between needed to happen." "Needed to happen for what?" He was standing in front of her. His back pressed to the edge of the counter across from her. "For us to work. If we had, for some reason had sex then...I probably would have requested to be reassigned immediately. Then ...that would have been it ...and.." "Nothing would have ever happened between us. Are you about to tell me you think I had to be taken for some reason." " I thought you said I always keep you guessing?" She pouted playfully. She felt like she was about to re-experience her breakfast. "I don't know what purpose you think it served." He smiled and crossed his arms loosely across his stomach. "Maybe I needed to realize how much I needed you and had needed you, before we could really work." "Ah. And what about Kyhber?" "Maybe he happened because it was a reminder of all the impossible things we've overcome together. I don't know. I've never taken fate seriously until..now." She laughed as he grinned at her. There was an awkward silence as they both smiled stupidly. It was obvious he was reminiscing about things before he had been taken too. Her smile faded slightly. It must have felt horrible to come back, feeling as if it were just yesterday. Feeling that he'd spooned up behind her, wrapping his arms gently around her in an attempt to warm her just a few days earlier. That he'd tried to comfort her from what ever had been making her ill. Then finding out that everything had changed. And though he was exactly the same, he found out that she wasn't sure what she thought or how she should feel anymore. 4/4 "What did you think when they told you I wasn't coming Mulder?" Her eyes met his levelly as he gazed back at her. He scoffed. He always scoffed when something upset him. He always tried to laugh things off, but when it really hurt, he scoffed and clenched his jaw. "I was confused. I was hoping you'd be there. When I was on the plane I kept having this running image of you being there and throwing your arms around me. I didn't think you really would. Not my Scully. Not in public." He scoffed again crossing his arms and turning his head away from her, "When I saw your mom and Skinner there I thought maybe you were sick. I remembered you being sick. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the forest. I thought maybe your cancer had come back. Skinner had told me it had been a year, slightly more, so I thought maybe it was really bad and you couldn't come. I started asking questions immediately but they wouldn't give me a straight answer. So I kept dogging them. You know how I get. I started getting scared, and as you know when I get scared, I get angry. You're mom finally said that you were fine, but you had been through a lot in the last year and you needed to sort things out for yourself before you saw me." "What happened then?" Her voice was slow and sympathetic. Her heart ached for him. "I wasn't sure at first. I kept prodding them. I asked them what kinds of things had happened. When they didn't answer me I asked more forcefully. Your mom finally said she wished she could tell me, but it really should come from you. And to please just give you some time. I was worried. I thought maybe you were in trouble and I wanted to see you so I could be sure you were ok. I was pissed off and said I just wanted to go back to my apartment. I thought once I got there they couldn't stop me from calling you or going to look for you. Then your mom proceeded to tell me that you had some added expenses and that you had to give it up, as well as my car. She said you had hung onto them as long as possible but that you were going broke. Hearing that didn't exactly help matters for me. And I rather pitifully asked if they could please just take me to your apartment, I'd really just feel better there. And then she told me that you'd had to quit the bureau and moved out here. All I could think was that you were with someone new. That was the only thing that made sense to me. I couldn't think of any other reason that you'd quit the bureau and move. I expected you'd be heading up the X-files and looking for me. I didn't know what to think, to be I honest, at that point I was scared shitless." She sat quietly as his deep hazel eyes gazed at the tiling at his feet, "Your mom did her best to make me feel at home but I really just wanted to see you. It may have felt like it was just yesterday that I was with you last, but I missed you like I hadn't seen you in a thousand years. I didn't say a word after we left the airport. I felt sick. She reassured me that she had your number and she'd call and try to talk some sense into you when we got home. She seemed pretty unhappy with you, so I was even more concerned. And when she kept calling you and you weren't answering or the phone was busy... I was sure something was wrong. I just didn't know if you were sick or hurt or if it was me that was the problem." He met her eyes briefly with a bemused smirk. She smiled sadly at him as she slipped slowly off the counter, "So when you called that night...I was overjoyed just to know you were okay. At least okay enough to call. I was hoping you'd want to talk to me. It felt like I was going to swallow my heart when you hung up on your mom. But she told me you were going to email me and explain what was going on. I wasn't exactly sure why you couldn't tell me on the phone and my anxiety was overwhelming so I did the only pertinent thing to do. I called the guys and had them start working on getting your number. They didn't get it until after I'd read and reread, and reread, your mail though." She placed a hand firmly on his bicep. His eyes jerked up from the floor to look at her. "I'm sorry about all of that." She managed a small smile as he put his hand over hers. "It's okay Dana, I understand it now. We've been over that. After I read your letter I was in complete panic. Your mom was worried that I was going to get sick when she saw the look on my face after I read it. I wasn't so sure I wasn't going to either. After I had processed the thought more thoroughly, I managed to quit dwelling on the how and demanded to see you, loudly. Then I was just infuriated and for a few moments I couldn't stop thinking that if you had just listened to me and gone to the doctor...But then I forced myself to calm down and think it over. And I started putting myself in your shoes. And realized that I would have been scared too. I tried to imagine how I would have felt if I had known, and I could remember the last year. And basically, I realized that I would have gone completely insane. I would have ranted and raved every second of everyday because from the second you told me I would have worried about all the things you did. And in the end I came to the conclusion that even then I still wouldn't have gone through the same level if hardship you had, because I wouldn't have had to worry about all this problems that come with pregnancy and the vulnerability that it induces, I wouldn't have had a baby I had to watch 24 hours a day on my own, while trying to continue on with daily necessities like income and such. And I wouldn't be doing all that while searching for someone else. After I thought about it in terms of what you were trying to manage and then added the overwhelming stress I was feeling from finding out I was a father, I realized I had no right to be angry. And then they emailed me your phone number and I decided I owed it to you to at least take the first step." His lips twisted into a partial smiled as she squeezed his arm gently. "So what was the look on your face when you read that I had been pregnant." "Sort of like this." She laughed leaning her forehead against his arm as he exemplified the panic face for her once more, "accompanied but a lot of nausea." She chuckled lightly as she leaned against his side. Her arm-twisted about his as she continued to firmly grip his bicep. She'd always loved his arms. Particularly when he wore T-shirts. She turned her face against his arm so her cheek rested against the sleeve of his shirt. He'd turned his head to look at her again. She could feel his breath against the strands of hair covering her forehead. She closed her eyes as she felt his full lower lip softly graze her forehead. The tension slowly began to spread across her stomach. She couldn't jump back into this so fast. It wasn't...right. No one in the right mind could fall right back into a relationship after all of this. They needed to sort things out! 'Shut up Scully.' She reprimanded herself sternly. She frowned at her in ability to just ' go with the flow.' "I think too much." She grumbled against his shoulder. She felt his body shake with inward laughter. "There's nothing wrong with a woman who thinks." She felt him grip her waist firmly, "Every time I get close to relaxing and figure things out, that damned, over rationalizing, Agent Scully pipes up. What a bitch." He laughed aloud and pulled her against her body, tucking her under his chin. She sighed heavily. She let her hands rest lightly against his chest. The nervousness subsiding slightly. "Yeah, she use to drive me insane with that strict rationalism. But she kept me honest and she was damn good looking." She swatted his chest playfully and leaned back against his arm. Her heart fluttered like a guilty teenagers as he brought his forehead to hers. "I'm still the same man I was a year ago. And I know for a fact Agent Scully loved me then, and I'm sure once she gets that through her thick little skull, she'll stop bothering you about this." His eyes shined brightly as he smiled widely. With the slightest lift of her chin her rouge lips brushed softly against his full lower lip. She closed her eyes as she lingered letting the familiar sensation remain for a fleeting moment. Her eyes flew open as the chime of the doorbell echoed through the house. He stared at her with a steady, faint smile. "We'll get back to that later." His smiled changed to a playful leer as she stepped away from him to answer the door. She reveled in the feelings the familiar touch of his lips had stirred in her as she carried their dinner back to the kitchen. She waited expectantly for the all to familiar nervousness to overwhelm her again as she opened each of the small white containers. She smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear as she stepped away from the counter. It wasn't coming back this time. Perhaps Agent Scully had finally relented. She smiled and walked to the partially open sliding door. Her feet padded softly across the cool wooden planks. She leaned carefully over the railing and watched him walk cautiously around the edge of the pool. He knelt to dip a gentle hand into the water. He flicked the drops off of his hand and surveyed the poolside. The black lounge chairs and matching patio table and chairs. His new home. His eyes found her smiling down at him. "Dinner's here." She smiled as his lanky figure rose and his hands found his hips. "The waters warm. What do you say we forget dinner and go for a dip?" She rolled her eyes as he grinned up at her. He was such a cad, but she decided to play his game. For old time's sake. "You don't have anything to swim in." The sound of her voice almost had her convinced she didn't know what kind of 'dip' he had in mind. "Exactly." He was standing directly beneath her now. "I can't. I'm a mom. Mom's don't do those kinds of things." "Is this your way of telling me I'm not getting any for another 18 years?" She gave him a skeptical raise of her eyebrows and returned to the kitchen. She heard the heavy thumping of his large feet pounding up the stairs. She pretended not to notice that he'd slid back through the door and was making his way toward her quietly. Despite knowing he was there, her body jolted as his hands firmly grabbed her hips. Her hearted raced frantically as his strong arms slid around her waist and pulled her against his body. She let her weight lean into his firm embrace. Her hands fell from counter rested against the sides of his well-toned thighs. She bit her lip nervously. Not from any fear of further hurt or anguish, not from confusion. But just in the habitual way she always had when his body had pressed against her so tightly that she could feel ever breath and every twitch of every muscle. She shuddered as his lips found the curve of her neck. "Come on Dana, It's been a year..." His voice tapered into a growl. "A year you don't remember." She chuckled as she let her headrest against his shoulder. "A year I haven't been around to do anything for you...I think I need to make it up to you." His nose ran along her neck to her jaw. She'd always been a bit intimidated by his audacity. His ability to throw caution to the wind and do exactly what he felt. The only reason he hadn't tried to kiss her or told her he loved her sooner than he had was because he respected her. He knew she didn't have that luxury. Not then. She twisted out of his arms. His eyes widen uncertainly as she stepped back from him. **************************************************** She gasped as they tumbled backward onto her bed. She groaned as he tugged almost violently at the waistband of her pants. Her fingers were entwined in his short hair as his lips secured themselves firmly to her collarbone. She sighed with relief as his hands finally managed to find and undo the row of buttons running down the front of her pants. She couldn't help but writhe underneath the weight of his finally toned body. It was exhilarating to relinquish control to him. After a lifetime of struggling to prove herself as an equal, or better., to men. He'd certainly been the largest challenge in her life. She couldn't bat her big blue eyes at him and win him over like she could her father, or guilt him with a saddened pout like the men she'd dated before him,. No matter how attracted he'd been to her, his paranoia and suspicions were cause for him to launch a mental warfare on her. He'd matched her barbs and haughty feminine outbursts with rapier wit and down right nastiness. She'd had to work like never before to gain his respect. And there was something riveting about entirely handing over the reigns to him and knowing when it was over she could take them back, no questions asked. Her nails sliced along his shoulder blades as she tore at the perfidious black shirt covering his superbly toned figure. His groans vibrated through her body, setting off sparks in every nerve in her body. She was gasping in loud, erotic breaths followed by low, sensual groans of pleasure. His unshaven face chafed the silky skin of her cheek as he ravaged her throat. Nipping, sucking, licking. Her fingers laced into his short hair. His groans heightened as her nails scraped roughly across his scalp. The burning heat of his cock pressing firmly against the moist clothe of her thin black panties made her eyes roll back in her head. She felt his large manipulative hands stroke over her breasts. His fingers catching the straps as he slid them heavily over her thin body. Goosebumps followed the trail of his hands wherever they moved. She gasped as her bra was pull off her breasts. The cold air a sharp contrast to her hot skin. She muffled a cry by sinking her teeth into the salty skin of his shoulder as his thumbs rubbed her swollen nipples. He growled approvingly as his sturdy hands massaged her swollen breasts. Her hips thrust involuntarily against his firm cock. She moaned his name repeatedly, never quite gathering enough composure to make to tell him what it was she wanted. "Fox......shit....fox...." She furrowed her brow in frustration. She let her hands slide from his head to the perfect curve of his ass. Her nails bit into his skin as she forced herself against him with surprising strength. She wrapped her legs securely around him not letting a centimeter of space give way. She rubbed her pelvis rigidly against the searing heat of his engorged cock. She let out a long, gasping moan as he attempted to articulate her name. There was nothing like a man had so little blood flowing to his brain that he couldn't articulate a two-syllable word. She loved the way his husky voice stuck on the first A and lingered into a heavy moan. Reluctantly, She let her hips slide from around him as he tugged frantically at her panties. No sooner had she released her vice like grip on him, than he had jerked the small piece of black fabric from her body and discarded it hastily off the side of the bed. She wrapped her arms languidly around his shoulders pulling him into a deep and eager kiss. His tongue stroked smoothly over hers, in slow, methodical, patterns. She pulled slowly away, sucking on his swollen, lower lip. She sighed as he used his powerful arms to push himself away from her small frame. "Are you sure about this?" His voice rasped heavily in her ear. She turned his cheek with a soft hand so her eyes could meet his. His pupils were dark and sweat trickled slowly from his wild disarray of hair. She grinned at the familiar sight, "I never thought I'd hear you ask me that again." He smiled back before pressing his lips firmly to hers again. Her breath quickened as she felt the intense heat of his rigid cock brush against the scorching wetness between her thighs. He groaned, a loud, and throaty attempt to articulate her name. Her body shuddered with anticipation as he rubbed his cock slowly up and down between her thighs. Then, with a sudden growl of eagerness, he thrust his full length into her. In one quick and forceful thrust of his thighs he was buried to the hilt within her. Her body was wracked with inarticulate moans as he hastily began thrusting in and out of her. His hands secured her firmly to the mattress as his thrusting slammed the headboard repeatedly against the wall. Her nails sliced the length of his back as she slid her hands down to grasp his ass tightly. Almost as if on cue he released her hips, placing his hands firmly on either side of her, freeing her to match his tirade of fervent thrusting. His name echoed loudly of the walls of the room as he adjusted his angle, thrusting firmly up into the warm depths of her body. The force of the thrusts moved her up the bed until she was forced to let go to brace one hand against the headboard above her head in an attempt to avoid a painful collision. His name became her personal mantra as his motion became more and more hasty. The slick heat of his throbbing cock sliding in and out of her silky wetness. She locked her legs as tightly as she could manage around his rolling body, preparing to ride out the oncoming storm. She could hardly believe she'd ever even fathomed the idea of never spending another night with him as her muscles began to contract around his growing hardness. The tighter she got the harder and faster he moved with in her, finding enough articulateness to muster a "Shiii...ahhh." Or a "Fuck!" Like a spiral of dominoes, the louder he moaned and spouted fragmented obscenities, the deeper her nails sunk into his back and the louder her screams of ecstasy became. She cried out in surprise as he firmly grabbed her hips and sat back on his knees pulling her up so her ass rested on his thighs. He wasted no time acquiring a painfully tight grip on her hips. His fierce thrusting resumed anew as he used his grip on her hips to pull her hard against him with every thrust. She closed her eyes as she felt them roll back in her head. It was no wonder he'd gotten her pregnant, she was certain she was going to be able to feel him in her throat any minute. Her eyes opened wide as his thrust became began to linger and his voice became laced with pain. Her body clenched his throbbing cock tightly as he bellowed loudly, his hips pounding into her with involuntary force. The forceful slams sent her over the edge. As her hips rose to frantically to meet his, hers arms reached to pull him tightly to her body. She muffled her fierce cries against his neck as her muscles tensed around him fervently. His damp head rested against her shoulder as the waves slowly subsided and she slowly let her arms slide over his damp shoulders. She felt his soft lips drag along her shoulder, dabbing the sweat from her collarbone and neck. With a resigned sigh he pulled himself from her body. Rolling to her side. She wasted no time in moving to his side. She laid her arm against his chest, her head cradled against her shoulder. She smiled thoughtfully as she watched him retrieve the baby monitor from the bedside table. He held it to his ear for a moment. Listening to the soft sighing of his son. He returned it to the table with a pleased smile. "So how's Agent Scully feeling about this?" He smiled wryly. She couldn't help but grin. His hair, wet with sweat, stood on end all the way down the back of his neck. "Oh didn't anyone tell you? I killed her. I couldn't deal with her constantly throwing her staunch rationalism in my face. It took me seven years to shut her up the first time. I didn't want it to be another seven before I figured it all out again." He chuckled softly, "So you're okay with this now?" "I think in my heart I always was, but I'm also pretty sure there's still a lot I'll....We'll... have to work through." "Such as?" "Such as, I'm sure I'll get unnecessarily worried when you're late for things. And If you decide to go back to the X-files, I'm sure I'll be nervous about some of the things that go with that too. And I think its going to take me along time to forgive mom for being such a bitch to me over the last few months, You know, just...things." Her head rested against his chest just above his heart. "Do you think you'll feel threatened about having to Share Kyh with me now?" He rested his cheek against her head softly. "No. I know he loves me and even though I'll admit that was one of the first things that came through my head when I heard you were back...I realize now that I couldn't have been the parent I can be now, without you." "I think you would have done better than you think Dana. But I'm glad you need me all the same." She felt his lips brush her hair. " I might have survived it, and I might have done okay, but there would have always been something missing." His arms tighten around her. "You know I'd always thought guestrooms were a bit frivolous, if not just out right for show. But I think the experience has sufficiently changed my mind about all of that." She smiled softly against his chest. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, " I suppose we should get back upstairs though." She groaned as he he rolled out from under her. She forced her eyes open just long enough to watch him slide his boxers over his naked body and holstered the baby monitor on the waist band. She gasped as he scooped her up in arms. The one sheet that had managed to stay on the bed, wrapped snuggly around her. "What are you doing Mulder?" She laughed as he carried her carefully out of the room and down the hall toward the stairs. "Practicing." He smiled as he jogged easily up the stairs. "Practicing? For what?" Her voice was laced with sarcasm as he toted her to the bed. Where he dropped her heavily on the mattress and padded toward the nursery door. He peered carefully in the door as he pushed it fully open. "Oh come on Scully! Do you really think when people get married the guy just carries her in the door and puts her down so she can look around the house? I think not." He hopped onto the bed beside her. She raised an eyebrow as he grinned at her, "Oh come on Fox, who are you going to get to marry you?" He laughed aloud as she rolled over turning her back to him with a sly smirk. "Good point. Between the toothpaste thing and the toilet seat thing, I'd have to find a pretty big sucker to marry me." He snickered softly until her pillow connected squarely with his face, "is that a yes Scully?" She sighed heavily. "What?" she could hear the laughter in his voice. " I was just trying to figure out what I'd done to deserve everything leading up to this moment." His laughter shook the bed softly. She closed her eyes as she felt his body press against her back, "It's good to be back Dana." He mumbled the words into her tousled hair. "It's good to have you back." Her fingers squeezed his arm and she smiled contently. There wouldn't be any more nights like all the others. Not ever. Finis Coeur de Deux Espirts (4/4) Author's Notes: I am certain that there are problems in this story. I read and reread it until my eyes were so tired and dry my contacts wouldn't stay in and i was still finding typos. Damn new keyboard. Ugh. Anyway,I'd really appreciate feedback if you managed to get past the typos. Anyway... Demonchic@crazedanddazed.com