From: "Dream Cole" Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 12:24:52 -0500 Subject: xfc: NEW: Despair - The Dream Series Source: xfc Title: Despair Author: Dream Cole E-mail: dreamcole@hotmail.com Archive: Just let me know. Rating: PGish. Classifications: V, MSR (Okay, MSM), S Spoilers: None. But I'm ignoring any episode that said Scully could not have children. So you can say it didn't happen or there was some miracle between then and now. This is kind of a continuation of the Dream Series, although it is quite obvious what happened. If you are interested in reading the others in the series, please e-mail me and let me know. Summary: Bad news. Disclaimer: I don't own em. I'd like to, but I don't. Quick note: This is a continuation from Exhaustion and Peace and Awe so if you haven't read those yet you might want to go read them. You'll probably get the picture of what's going on, but just in case... :-) Despair "How could this happen? How could we let this happen?" I could only shrug my shoulders as I watched my wife frantically pace the floor, clutching Dream to her tightly. Her hands were shaking and her voice trembled as she let the fear take control of her. "Sweetie, it's okay. You know, we'll get through this. We always get through things together," I reached over and tried to take our squirming daughter from her arms but she only squeezed tighter, "Look, let's just try to think rationally, okay?" "Okay. Okay. I can do this. We can do this," She struggled to regain control. I struggled to remember how this all happened. Things were going, well, fine. Dream was getting to be a handful, stuck in her terrible two's and entering her third year with us. We still loved us and there was always those precious few moments when she would curl up with us and we would get a glimpse of that sweet child that we always loved. Then the news of a pregnancy was dropped on us. Namely, my wie was pregnant. We didn't think we could handle it but we wanted to. There was hardly another option so we had to take what we received, but it had caused a bit of stress in the household. Then the first appointment to the doctor came up. We both went, excited to find out about our new baby. Things were fine. Everything looked good, according to the professional and we went home and enjoyed our baby presently with us. We had a big birthday party for her third birthday, which resulted in a wrecked house, an overload of gifts, and headaches for the two of us. We took some time at work, trying not to tell people about the pregnancy for fear of "jinxing" it, but we also tried to think of a way to break it to our daughter. Then came the second doctor's appointment, complete with ultrasound. The words uttered came as such a surprise - we could not speak, only stare in disbelief and listen as our hearts shattered. "There are some abnormalities - you might want to consider an abortion". Ten words. That's all it took. That was only yesterday. We spent the rest of the day in silence and my wife went to bed as soon as she got home. I half-heartedly took care of Dream, my brain working overtime, trying to process this latest trauma. I called in from work, saying that we needed to be at home and our boss understood. I tried to get my wife to talk to me, to say something, but for the first half of the morning she merely avoided me, avoided speaking. When she finally spoke, it almost made me wish I hadn't urged her to speak. Sometimes the thought of "sharing our feelings" makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide. "Look, Dana, I know this is hard. We have every right to be angry, to be upset, to want to cry or stop living or whatever. But we need to take into consideration our daughter. And we need to make a decision. I need to know what's on your mind." "But I don't know what's on my mind. I mean, I do but I have too many thoughts going at once. I'm scared, I'm mad, I'm sad. I can't even begin to think about what's going to happen in the future. I've always been firmly against abortion. This isn't an "it" inside me, it's a child, a baby. First I was worried about bad timing? Now I'm concerned about abnormalities! I don't think I can handle this Mulder. I just... don't think I can," That broke her and she slumped to the floor sobbing. Dream identified with her mother and started crying in harmony. I wrapped my arms around her and Dream, the three of us in tears and we rocked ourselves, trying to fight the despair and wondering what would happen. Author's Note: This little piece took a bit of struggling on my part. I knew what I wanted to happen and I wanted a little fluffy happy piece first, which explains Awe. Sorry that this is kinda tragic but... I have a plan in mind. Feedback, please?