TITLE: The Diary Series The First Year -- part 1 AUTHOR: Toni RATING: G (this part anyway) CATEGORY: S/ MSR SPOILERS: PILOT SUMMARY: this part contains excerpts from Scully's diary from when she met Mulder and their first case together. ARCHIVE: Anywhere is OK just let me know AUTHORS NOTES: I always thought if Scully could not communicate her feelings comfortably with Mulder, she at least wrote them down somewhere. This series will reveal, I hope, Scullys thoughts and emotions during the key events of the 5 years they have worked together, and eventually, the movie. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them! And, of course, feedback is always appreciated! Here we go. e-mail: fmatthew@startext.net Dear diary, Tomorrow's the big day! I'm scheduled to meet with a Section Chief Blevins tomorrow at 10:00 am. All I know is that they're in a hurry for me to fill this position. I wonder where it will be? I guess it must be really important. I can't wait! Dear diary, I showed up at the interview on time, but things didn't go exactly as I had hoped. So where was I assigned? To some off-the-wall division called the 'X-Files'! I get to work with the infamous Spooky Mulder! Why?! To debunk his work. They must really want to get rid of this guy. Well, maybe this won't take too long. I mean, this guy really believes in this stuff! You ought to see the posters and shit on his walls! Oh, yeah. I get to work in the basement. No windows at all. Hell, I don't even have a desk! Well, we all got to start somewhere. Besides, the guy is actually kinda cute. Not what I was expecting at all. He's smart, but he's also a real smart-ass. I can see why he works alone. He would be almost impossible to work with. Today he showed me some slides of deceased people with similar marks on all their lower backs. He thinks they're all connected somehow. I tried to give him some logical explanation, then he turns right around and asks me if I believe in extraterrestials! I tried to logic with him on that, but it went in one ear and out the other. This might be harder than I thought. We're booked on a flight to Oregon tomorrow morning. Oh, yes. For some reason, he wants to call me Scully. Thats OK. I'll just call him Mulder. Dear diary, We flew back from Oregon this afternoon. I don't know where to begin. I saw so many strange things there. We exhumed some primate-looking thing from a graveyard that just happened to have some metallic object implanted in its sinus cavity. But that's just the beginning. I know now how Mulder got his nickname. He paints X's on roads with a can of spraypaint he keeps in the trunk. Our car stalls in the rain, and he goes into this tangent about time disappearing. But I have to admit. The man is intriguing. The passion of his beliefs can be contagious if you're not careful. Case- in-point: One night in my motel room, I was getting ready to take a bath when I noticed some marks on my back similar to the ones I saw on the slides. It's embarrassing to think about it now, but I panicked. I went straight to Mulder's room in just my robe and my underwear! Oh my God, what was I thinking? I dropped my robe so he could look at the marks. He must of thought I was crazy. Or maybe coming on to him. But it didn't matter. All he did was tell me they were mosquito bites. I was so embarrassed by my actions, all I could do was hide my face in his chest. Well, that part wasn't so bad. We ended up spending a good part of the night talking about things that happened in his childhood, and about his mistrust of the government. I'm glad we had that talk. There are a lot of things that I , and most everyone else, don't understand about him. I know now that he's not such a crazy guy after all. I don't believe in what he believes, but I'm beginning to understand where he's coming from. He told me his sister was abducted when he was 12 years old, and has been looking for her ever since. I guess that would mess anyone up. He knows that I'm supposed to be writing reports about what he does. I was all for doing that so I could get out of this assignment. Now, I'm not so sure. I've seen a lot of strange things these past few days. Not enough to make me believe as he does, by any means. But enough to challenge me to dig further until I can put the proper scientific analysis on it. Oh, Chief Blevins will get my reports, as promised. But they might not contain what he wants to read. I'm beginning to like this assignment. And I'm even beginning to like agent Mulder. End Coming Up (when I get through writing it): The First Year pt. 2 deals with Scullys thoughts of her relationship with Mulder, and a certain Ms. Green and the death of her father. TITLE: The Diary Series -- The First Year -- part 2 AUTHOR: Toni RATING: PG (for language) CATEGORY: MSR SPOILERS: (they're very small) Fire, Beyond the Sea, Tooms, Erlenmeyer Flask SUMMARY: Excerpts from Scullys diary ARCHIVE: Anywhere is OK, just let me know DISCLAIMER: Our heroes belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox Network. You can sue, but you will have to stand in line. And its a long line. AUTHORS NOTES: I always thought if Scully could not communicate her feelings comfortably with Mulder, she at least wrote them down somewhere. This series will reveal, I hope, Scullys thoughts and emotions during the key events of the 5 years they have worked together, and eventually, the movie. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them! And, of course, feedback is always appreciated! Here we go. e-mail: fmatthew@startext.net Dear diary, I've been Mulder's partner for almost 6 months now. This is the first chance I have had to write to you since our first case in Oregon because, well, lets just say I've been 'busy'. Since I've been with the X-Files, I think I have logged more travel hours than my father has in his entire military career. I've been to Houston and Alaska and just about everywhere in between. With each case I'm challenged to explain something I have never seen before or learned about in college. When this assign- ment is completed, or should I say 'if', I'm going to write a book. But as strange as some of the things Mulder and I have experienced (yes, we're still calling each other by our last names), nothing is more strange than the relationship developing between us. I've dated my share of men. I've been in love a couple of times. But now, all that seems to have happened in another lifetime. I'm learning more about Mulder every day. I know he's a deeply passionate and caring person un- derserving of his 'spooky' reputation. When I hear people talk about him when he's not around, I want to just pin their sorry asses to the nearest wall and tell them in no uncertain terms that when it comes to being a decent person and a damn good agent, they can't stand in his shadow. But I'm not here to defend him. Which raises the next question. Why am I here? Originally, it was to help the powers-that-be find a way to get rid of him. But I have no intention of doing that now. Those 'Powers' know that I have since decided to help Mulder in his quest. They also know what I have seen, and now they're stuck with two spookys. Not that I go around agreeing with everything he says and does. Quite the contrary. I can't think of a single time he has brought me a theory I agreed with. I mean, some of the things he comes up with makes me want to strangle him and put him out of his misery. But he keeps coming back, and I keep listening, and I keep trying to talk some sense into him. It's like a never- ending cycle. You would think he'd get tired of me shooting his theories down in flames. But he hasn't yet. And you'd think I would get tired of having to listen to it. But I'm not. What is it about this man that I have willingly given up any semblance of a live for? What is it about me that he seemingly wants me with him all the time? We have nothing in common except this burning need to know the truth. Dear diary, Mulder is really starting to piss me off! He had developed a real annoying habit. It seems that when a lead on a suspect needs to be checked out, and there could be some danger involved, he just takes off, leaving me behind wondering where the hell he his, or if he is alive or dead! Then he comes back, his tail tucked between his legs, with some bullshit about he was worried I would get hurt! Excuse me?! Didn't I receive the same training he did? And who the hell is he to tell me if a situation is too dangerous? And who appointed him my protector? This last case he did it again! He's on his way back and he knows he's in trouble. But I know what will happen. He'll come by my apartment, late as usual. Never at a decent hour. Then I'll proceed to take his thick head off, and he will just stand there, taking everything I dish out. Then, and this happens every time, he'll look up at me with those eyes. And I just melt inside. I think he knows it, too. Then I'll ask him if he's hungry or something else stupid. And when he leaves, I'll say a little prayer thanking God he's OK, then kick myself for letting him get to me again. Dear diary, Mulder and I have been partners for 8 months now. It's been difficult, and its been a learning experience. It's also been the most rewarding 8 months of my life. But I learned something new this past week. I learned that Mulder is deathly afraid of fire. I also learned he had a life before I came along. A life by the name of Phoebe Green. It seems they were 'involved' when he was at Oxford. OK, no big deal. But my heart thinks its a real big deal. And I can't figure out why. We're partners. That's all. I saw them kiss each other. So what, right? So it stirred up feelings in me that I didn't know were there. I don't understand any of this. She flew back to England today. Mulder said he no longer has feelings for her, that it's been over for years. I'm glad he has it figured out. I'm more confused now than ever. Dear diary, Four days ago the phone woke me up as I slept on my couch. The last thing I remember was my dad sitting on a chair, saying a prayer to me. Then I heard mom on the phone, calling from the hospital, sobbing, saying dad had just died from heart failure. I couldn't believe it at first. He was just there talking to me. It's amazing how things happen that can pull plugs out of your life. I remember how disappointed dad was when I decided to join the FBI. I wanted so much to prove to him I made the right decision, for him to be proud of me. But he ran out of time. I ran out of time. He never got to meet Mulder. I think dad would have liked him as long as the subject of the paranormal didn't come up. Or government conspiracies. Or the things we experience on our cases. But I would have loved for them to meet, just once. The two most important men in my life, out-side of my brothers. But it's too late now. I think Mulder would have liked him. I could have taken the standard time off for grievance. But I chose to go back to work, even before the funeral. Mom and I have com- forted each other tremendously. But for life to go on as I have come to know it, I need to be with Mulder. Dad, I miss you. Dear diary, It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. It started out as some short-term assignment to help the bureau get rid of some nut-case named Fox Mulder. Little did I know that I would start to fall in love with this nut- case. Does he feel the same way? I doubt it. He has never made any advances toward me. He has never told me in so many words how he feels about me. But then I wonder why he feels the need to be with me all the time? It's like I'm the only one he can talk to. The only one he can trust. If that is all he needs from me, then I gladly accept that role. I did try to tell him how I felt once. We were on a stake-out watching for a guy named Victor Tooms whom Mulder believes wakes up every 30 years to eat human livers. Whatever. Mulders methods to catch this guy had gotten him in a lot of trouble, so he wasn't supposed to even be there to begin with. He was worried that my being with him there would look bad on my record, and was trying to talk me into going home. I saw this as a golden opportunity, sucked up some nerve, and started by calling him Fox, just to emphasize my point. He acted like that name offended him. He said he even made his parents call him Mulder. I know I'll never call him 'Fox' again. Well, I then proceeded to tell him that I wouldn't put my career on the line for anyone but him. And it was the truth. Then, in typical Mulder fashion, said "If there is iced tea in that bag, it could be love." Wouldn't you know it, my love life depended on what was I a paper bag on the floor board. I took out the cup, realized what it was, and decided to save what was left of my dignity and said "It must be fate, Mulder. Rootbeer." Maybe next time. Dear diary, It's been almost a year now since I was assigned to the X-Files. In this last case I've got to see, first hand, things that, at least, are not of this earth. I saw DNA I couldn't recognize. I witnessed Mulder being taken away by people I couldn't recognize. I was so afraid I wouldn't see him again. A man I only know as Deep Throat said my only chance to save Mulder was to fake my way into what I thought was a government facility and return with this thing which was frozen, and looked like a fetus, only not exactly human. It was hard for me to give in to this 'Deep Throat' and pull this off, but I was desperate. I don't know the people that Mulder deals with, and I don't want to know them. But I had no other choice this time. I managed to get this 'fetus' out, but I almost didn't give it up to Deep Throat. I wanted to make the exchange myself, to make sure Mulder was all right. Then, one more time, I had to trust him and give him the package. I watched the exchange inside my car in the rear-view mirror when I saw, to my horror, Deep Throat get shot, point-blank. As I got out of the car, I saw Mulder being dumped out of the back of the van as it drove out of sight. I ran to Mulder to make sure he was all right, then I ran over to Deep Throat to see if there was anything I could do for him. Just before he died I heard him say "Trust no one." It was something I will never forget. Its late now, as I lay in my bed. I just got through talking to Mulder on the phone. They've closed the X-Files. What am I going to do now? What will happen to us? End (of year one) coming up: part one of the second year (phew!)