From: "Who Cares" Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 23:39:17 PST Subject: story: 'Dinner and a X-File' by: Katilyn Samantha Mulder "Dinner and a X-File" by- Katilyn Samantha Mulder xphileralways@hotmail.com please email me comments, suggestions, criticism, death threats, words of wisdom, shoes, whatever. This is one of my first stories, so it's like wearing those badges: "PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'M A TRAINEE" Summary: Parody to 'Dinner and a Movie'. Not quite what you expect. Includes chipmunks and tortilinni's Okay, let's get one thing straight... I DON'T THINK THEY REALLY ACT LIKE THAT!!! I AM IN NO POSITION TO CRITISIZE, but, let's face it. If I can make fun of, I will. So, NO DISRESPECT TO ANYONE!!! ThanX. Disclaimer: ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE X-FILES LEGALLY IS, sorry to say, NOT MINE. IT BELONGS TO THE ALMIGHTY X-FILE PEOPLE, which have no reason to sue me. I'm a 14 year old with no income. What would your point be. EVERYTHING, except my own creations, BELONGS TO SOMEBODY ELSE LEGALLY, unless, of course, you WANT to give me Mulder. No objections here. Make sure he come with his glasses and sweater though, k? Kewl. Now, on with the story... X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X Gillian: Hello, and welcome to Dinner and a X-File. David: Tonight we'll be watching a episode by Katilyn Samantha Mulder called 'Nobody's Girl' Gillian: It's called 'Nobody Girl' David: No, it isn't. Gillian: Sure, fine, whatever. David: *rolls eyes* Gillian: Tonight, while watching the episode, we'll be cooking a tortalini dish with a garlic-butter herb sauce. A recipe from Kat. David: Who's Kat? Gillian: *sighs* Kat! Katilyn! (under breath) idiot David: I'm not getting paid enough to work with ~this~ *gestures at Gillian* Gillian: What do you mean!? You ~make~ more money than me already! Greedy little... OFFSTAGE: Gillian! David! That's enough! Just get on with the show. *pause* Gillian: Tonight, we will be using cheese tortalini's from PastaRomia. You can get it at your local supermarket for about $15.00. The garlic-butter herb sauce is by Grandia for about $4.00. David: Now that you have your ingredients down, on with episode. Gillian: That wasn't your line. David: I know, but I thought it would add something...extra to the part. Gillian: What part!? Right now you are some lame-brained moron who is cooking this meal from the instructions on the box! There is no part to be played! Be yourself and you shouldn't have to add anything 'extra'. David: *walks towards offstage* Oh, that's it! I'm... OFFSTAGE: NOT GOING ANYWHERE!! *another pause* *David get's back into his place* OFFSTAGE: Roll tape! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~X-FILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ J. Edgar Hoover Building June 21, 1999 As Scully got out of her car she counted to ten slowly in her head. She was angry, upset, pissed. Mulder had run off without her again, but htis time it was worse. He ran off with another agent without telling her. Ggggrrrrrr. She took a deep, relaxing breath as she opened the door to the FBI Headquarters. Scully walked around the corner to her desk. She saw Mulder on the phone, secretly talking to somebody. She walked to her desk and sat her laptop, that she had brought with her today, down on top of it. Mulder turned towards her quickly, then back to his desk. Scully could just make out his words. "I have to go. Don't forget what I told you. Your the best. Thanks. Bye." Scully was a bit shocked. He wouldn't talk to his mother like that. And the Lone Gunmen were out of the question right now. Could it be? Scully hoped not. "Who was on the phone?" Scully asked when Mulder hung up and didn't turn around. Mulder looked up at her, his expression not changing. "Nobody." Nobody? Who the hell was nobody? "Fine," Scully said under her breath, but loud enough that Mulder could hear. Mulder turned back to his desk. Damn it. She was still mad at him. He knew he shouldn't have persued that lead without her, and he knew how mad she gets when he does. But this one was dangerous, from what his contact told him. He didn't want to risk Scully. He told her that before. Boy, is she stubborn. Scully was still a little tweeked from Mulder running off without her again. She hoped she didn't make it to obvious. Mulder noticed that she had that 'I-pissed-at-you' pout on her face that was real noticeable. After an hour of silent working Mulder's phone rang. Mulder's shock expression told Scully that he wasn't expecting the call. He picked it up after the second ring. "Mulder" After a second he started talking again. "No, but.......I......you know I........but......still........um, I sorry?.........Yeah, but.........I won't do it again........what do you mean last time?...........come on.........but I.........you......me....... but........stop........still........I didn't.......gotta go.......I gotta go.......it's nothing about you......talk to you........talk to you later........fine......I will........bye." Mulder hung up the phone and rested his hanging head in his hand. Nobody my ass. "Mulder?" "Hm?" He didn't change his position. "Who was that?" "Nobody," he said as he turned towards her and looked straight into her eyes. Scully took her eyes off him and looked at her desk. Not only because of the uncomfortable sexual tension, but also because she was pissed at him and he wasn't doing anything to try to make it up to her. That sounded selfish, but he is keeping secrets from her. Ah, shit. I'm not doing anything to get her NOT to be mad at me. Mulder realized this quickly. After a second of nothing but the backround noise of clicking keyboards and ringing phones, Mulder spoke up again. "Scully, if you screwed up with a girl, how would you say you were sorry? Other than words?" So, nobody is what Scully thought nobody was. "Like a gesture?" Mulder shook his head yes. Coming to Scully for womanly advice. He never did that before. He really didn't have a lot of chances to either. Scully could have fun with this. She had to admit, only to herself though, that she was jealous of this 'nobody' girl. She could give him bad advice, let him screw it up with the girl, and he couldn't blame her. She would just say that that is what she would have liked. Or, she could give him advice that she would have liked done as a gesture to say 'I'm sorry'. She could give him the best advice and have him coming in the next day looking flush and happy. Ahh, he was giving her the puppy dog eyes. He really wanted to know. Obviously this girl was important to Mulder, right now at least. He looks so cute when he's desperate. Now she would have to give him the good advice. "Well, Mulder. If I were you, I'd go to her work with her favorite flowers and steal her from work for lunch together." Mulder sat considering the idea. "Thanks Scully." He turned back to his desk. Scully smiled to herself. A 'I did a good thing' and 'damn me and my concious' smile. It faded and she turned back to her work. She expected Mulder to leave around lunch time, but he didn't. Instead he asked if Scully wanted anything from Taco Bell. She just flashed him her cup o' yogurt. He came back fifteen minutes later, already eaten. Not enough time to sneak someone off to lunch. Good. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*DINNER*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Gillian: All, right. Right now we have just gotten the water to boil and we are about to put the tortalini's in. David: *looks around* Where are they? Gillian: I told you to take them out of the refridgerator. Pelease tell me you did! David: Of course ~I~ did~ Where did ~you~ put them after that? Gillian: ~I~ didn't touch them! OFFSTAGE: ON THE COUNTER! David and Gillian: *look at counter, both grab for it* Gillian: You get to do the sauce, remember? David: Fine. *let's go of package* Gillian: *sighs* Now we will be adding our tortalini's to the water. *opens bag and pours noodles into pan* Now, we'll let them cook. They should be done in about ten minutes. David: In the mean time, we'll start on the sauce. Gillian: No, we don't. David: Yes, we do. Gillian: No-we-don't. David: Yes-we-do! OFFSTAGE: No-you don't. Gillian: *smirk* David: *dazed* Fine. Just get on with the stupid episode. OFFSTAGE: (quietly) how the hell did we get stuck with Hollywood's biggest bickerers? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~X-FILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Scully got up to leave around 7:00 at night. Mulder seemed just to be hanging around the office for no reason. "Bye Mulder." "G'Night Scully," he said as he twirled a pencil in his fingers. She walked away and turned the corner. She didn't she Mulder picked up his phone almost immediately saying, "Finally," as he dialed. Scully was about to get on the elevator when she realized something. Damn. Her laptop. She visioned it sitting right by her desk peacefully. She made a about-haste and headed back for her desk. As she turned the corner, Mulder was on the phone. She walked closer, him oblivious to her presence. She could hear him clearly. "Yeah. A dozen. No, make it two. Delivered tomarrow. You have the address. Nice doing business with you. Thank you. Bye." He hung up the phone with a silly grin on his face. "So Mulder, putting my good advice to work?" Mulder turned around sharply. Shocked. He was wondering what the hell she was doing back. Scully saw this. "Forgot my laptop." No reply from Mulder. "Are the flowers for 'nobody'?" Scully asked. Mulder's face loosened and he cleared his throat. "Yeah." Was that relief in his face? Scully grabbed her laptop and turned around again. Not saying good-bye to him. She was still mad. Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. She had been thinking about him running off again without her, without even telling her, and her anger kept building up. Mulder sheeply said bye after her. Okay night sleep for Scully. She kept wondering how Mulder was 'sleeping' tonight. Mostly with who. She was probably tall, brunette, blueish-green eyes, fair-skinned, smart, sexy. What a bitch. It wasn't that hard for Scully to get ready in the morning. She was just slow going. She was so insanely jealous that she could scream. She didn't though, which was making her more tense. She walked passed everybody quickly at the office. She didn't want to look at their staring faces, at the way they look at her. Great. Now her face showed that she was tense. Mulder turned around right when Scully turned the corner. She was mad. And tense. There was something else, he just couldn't place it. Scully quickly walked over to her desk, Mulder staring at her. She hung her coat over her seat, sat down, and rested her head in her hands. Mulder stared. "Scully?" "I'm fine, Mulder." If he had a dollar for everytime he had heard that one. "Fine." He turned back to his stuff. That's what Scully will call the things on his desk from now on. Stuff. Enough with the scientific words. Just stuff. After five minutes of relaxing Scully started on her work. So far, no new contacts, no new files, no new anything that they could get their hands on. Very slow for these two agents, compared to what they were assigned to before at least. She wondered if Spender and *cringe* Diana had the same experiences. After three hours of nothing work Mulder got up from his seat and walked away. It hurt him that she wouldn't talk to him, that she pushed him away. They could be so close sometimes, then seem so distant from each other. Scully was feeling the same. She wanted to talk to him. But this 'nobody' girl thing and him running off again, just got her mad and she wouldn't let go of her stupid pride for a second. That was a lame excuse. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*DINNER*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ David: Now, the sauce! Gillian: Take it away Chef Boy-ar-dee. David: *forced smile* To prepsre the sauce, I have heated a cup and a half of milk, but not to a boil. Noow, I will add the sauce mixture. *attempts to open packet* *pause* *another attempt to open packet* Gillian: Having a little trouble there Master Chef? David: Oh, shut up! *another attempt* *small tear* Gillian: Oh good. You see that people? At this rate, the sauce packet will be open as quickly as it will take David here to land a good movie part. David: *all attempts fail* Excuse me? Gillian: Forget it! My theripist doesn't want me arguing with my co-workers. He said it would be bad for my level of stress, and I need to control that. David: *neglects packet* No! You brought it up. Gillian: What? Subject a little touchy for you? OFFSTAGE: How could you people act like lovers on a TV show but not seem to get along now! David: I don't hang on her unless I have to! Gillian: Oh please, don't think so highly of yourself. I wouldn't ~hang~ on you if I was a $10 hooker. David: But weren't you at one point? Gillian: *raises fist* *popping sound disrupts her from making contact with his jaw* *small giggles as she stares down at stove* Good going. David: *hears popping and looks at stove* ~bleep~! Get me a sponge! Gillian: *slowly walks over to sink* Can't even heat up milk right? David: *turns head away from stove* Just get me the ~OW~! ~bleep~! *turns back around and holds his hand in pain* Gillian: Burn yourself? OFFSTAGE: Ah, crap. Get the first aid kit! Gillian: Aren't you quite the cook? David: *getting bandsged* Shut up! Gillian: You! Tea Leoni(offstage): Leave him alone! Gillian: Shut up wannabe blondie! Tea: *appears in front of camera lanching at Gillian* *both women fall behind the counter and out of sight* David: Damn. Piper (offstage): You yelled at my mommy! *hair appears at bottom of screen, rushing towards David, then David's face looks confused as Piper starts running towards him* *Piper grabs his leg and bites hard* David: Ow! You little brat! Gillian: *few red marks on face from quarrel* Hey! Don't call her a brat! Tea: Don't tell my husband what to do! Gillian: Yeah, that's ~your~ job! *one last swing at Tea and Tea is on the floor again* David: Hey, bitc... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~X-FILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After fifteen minutes Scully noticed that Mulder hadn't come back yet. Ten more minutes, still no Mulder. Scully checked her watch. Ah ha. That's why. He was taking her 'good advice'. It was around twelve-noon. She tapped her fingernails for a second, then went back to the bullshit work that Kersh had them doing. She heard a small commotion behind her but ignored it. A chuckle from another agent. Scully pretended to ignore it. She heard a agent say, "Over there," then the crowd broke up. A man appraoched her desk and Scully looked up. But not to the man's face, but to the two dozen yellow roses in his hands. "Delivery for a Dana Scully." That son-of-a-bitch. "I'm Scully." "Here you are mamm. Have a nice day." "Thank you." She took the roses and quickly looked for a card, intoxicated by the sweet scent of the pedals. She is a genius. She grabbed the card and opened it. Dear 'nobody' girl (Dana Scully) I'm sorry. Please forgive me. *puppy dog face* -Spooky. Damn. He knew that the puppy dog face was a weakness of hers. She was lost in the moment when something hit her. Not literally. He was suppossed to steal her away right now. But that was to be done to someone you loved. In a relationship which, more than their relationship. That doesn't mean Scully never fantasized before. She took the roses and started heading towards the elevator. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*DINNER*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *middle-aged man in camera view* *one sign of anybody else* Middle-aged man: Hello. My name is Charles, I'm the program director here. I will be finishing up the show here. Now, we have cooked the tortalini and saved the sauce. And here's the finished project, with a few garnishes. *shows of dish* *crashing in the backround* Middle-aged man: *deep sigh* Here's the rest of the story. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~X-FILE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ On the elevator a girl agent named Valerie Guinjer, the Gossip Queen of the FBI, said, "So, Mulder finally made a move?" How the hell did people get those assumptions. This would be a good moment to tease somebody who talked behind her back. "Actually, no. Mulder and I had gotten into a fight. He didn't send me these. Some guy I met at a party a week ago did." "You and Mulder bicker like an old married couple." "You talk like a chipmunk but you don't see me complaining." As Guinjer's mouth hung open Scully got off the elevator. She walked out with the roses in hand, feeling like Miss America. Then she saw Diana heading the opposite direction facing her. Scully stood tall (at least as tall as she could) and walked proudly with her roses nicely propped in her hands. She saw that Diana noticed. Oh, victory, or revenge, or whatever it is called was sweet. You could almost feel the flames coming out of her ears. She ran into Mulder in the parking lot. "I was suppossed to steal you. You weren't suppossed to come to me," he complained teasingly. Scully stood staring at him. "What?" he asked. "You just get me so mad sometimes." Mulder's smile dropped. Uh oh. He had done the wrong thing. "You get me so mad then you redeem yourself so I have to forgive you." Mulder's childish grin came back. Scully responded with an involuntary half smile. They both walked to the company's car Mulder's uses. A chili pepper red Ford Taurus. One fine car if you ask me (the writer). Scully got in the passenger side and Mulder was already settled in the driver's seat. "Where to?" Scully thought. She didn't go out for lunch often anymore. She was still on her 'bee-pollen kick' as Mulder put it. What places were good? "You choose. You're the one taking me out." "This lunch is supposed to tell you I'm sorry for ditching you. What if I choose the wrong place?" "It only counts for this one time you ran off." "Only one time!?" Mulder exclaimed, "What do I have to do to make up for all the times?" "If you want you have to try pretty hard." "I have a suggestion." Mulder lifted one eyebrow. Scully gave him 'the look'. Mulder was safe with 'the look'. 'The look' meant she wasn't going to shoot him again for passing the sexual jokes. Mulder smiled at 'the look' and Scully turned her face back out the window. Mulder started the car and drove out of the parking garage and out into the busy street, the smell of the roses now all around them in the car. X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X THE END X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X Okay, okay. I know it suxed. It sucked big time. I DON'T REALLY THINK ANY OF THE CHARACTERS ACT LIKE THAT!!! IT IS JUST REALLY LATE ON A SCHOOL NIGHT AND I CAN'T SEEM TO SLEEP (or get this drug the dentist gave me out of my system)