From: Lara Silver Date: Fri, 24 Dec 1999 14:07:23 GMT Subject: NEW Disappeared II by Lara Silver DISAPPEARED II by Lara Silver larasilver@yahoo.com http://larasilver.freeservers.com Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, never will be. Rating: R for disturbing imagery Archive: Sure, knock yerself out. Summary: Mulder's still in that little room... --------------------------- How long have I been here now? I've completely lost track of the days. It could be Saturday or Wednesday or Monday and I'd have no idea. It could be July or September or May, although I don't think it's been as long as six months. I don't think. The only way I've kept even moderately sane is by going over old case files in my head. I'll close my eyes, and picture myself opening the file cabinet, rifling through the files until I find the one I want to work on, and pulling it out. Then I watch (as from a distance) while I seat myself behind my desk and flip open the folder. I can see the red and white border so vividly--god I miss colors. My eyes scan the page, and I can feel them moving back and forth behind my closed lids as I picture each word, each phrase, each case. I've even come up with a few possible solutions for some of them, and when Scully gets me out of here, I'll tell her all about them and she can shoot me down. I wish someone would shoot me down. Shoot me dead. Once, when the mysterious hand shoved my breakfast tray through the slot in the door, I grabbed it and wouldn't let go. I held on for as long as I could, until finally my strength gave out (lack of exercise, I guess) and he managed to jerk his arm back. I wasn't afraid of reprisal at that point--I welcomed the idea that someone might fling open the door and finally confront me--but soon I learned to fear the consequences of misbehaving. They gave me time to finish my breakfast (one last meal for the condemned!), what little I ate, and came back to remove the tray as always. Soon afterwards, the light in my room went out. The heating was turned off (and it was winter when they took me, so it must have still been winter then, for surely I hadn't been here more than a week or two when this happened). I don't know how long I stayed that way, in the dark, in the cold, huddled under the thin white blanket they give me to cover myself, but it was long enough to grown hungry, and then *really* hungry, and finally ravenous. By the time the light and heat came back and the meals resumed, I had learned my lesson. Don't grab the arm. Another time, instead of pulling that arm inside my cell, I shoved my own outside through the slot. How good it felt, just to have a part of myself with the illusion of freedom! But only for a moment, and then the pain began. He must have been standing nearby, silently watching, for my arm had only been seeking its escape for a few minutes when I felt a hand clamp down on my wrist to hold it in place. Then, with a pain so sudden and sharp I was unable to suppress a yelp, he ground his cigarette into my tender forearm. Of course, at first I didn't realize that was what had happened, all I knew was the pain, but when I was finally released, and withdrew my throbbing limb, I saw the telltale, almost perfectly round wound on my arm. I smelled the burning flesh. It's a sickening smell, and between that smell and the pain (which was incredible, considering how small the burn actually was) I made my way to the toilet and quickly heaved up my breakfast. Maybe I'll die from this, I thought. Maybe it will become infected, and slowly spread through my arm, my chest, my entire body until I finally give up and fall into that chilling sleep, never to wake. Maybe I'll escape at last. It soon became apparent that this type of escape was to be denied me, for on my next meal tray was a small foil packet of antibiotic cream and a bandage. I wondered what would happen if I refused to use them--would I finally be able to confront my captors? Would they force me to receive medical treatment, or would they even care? I didn't wait for the answer to that question--I used the stuff. I'm not stupid. I have to be healthy enough to run. When she finds me. END