TITLE: Disguised (1/2) AUTHOR: MelJ EMAIL ADDRESS: xfiles25@hotmail.com DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Archive but tell me SPOILER WARNING: None RATING: NC-17, RAPE, Violence, Language CONTENT WARNING: UST/MSR CLASSIFICATION: S, AR SUMMARY: *RAPE* Warning. Scully wakes up to find herself in trouble. DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions Or do they? Trust no one. No infringement intended. AUTHORS NOTE: At the end. Warning: RAPE!! Don't tell me I didn't warn you! *** "Mulder, don't stop," I moan, as I feel him plant himself on top of me, grinding his hips tightly and forcefully on me. I groan, and then am suddenly aware of a dull throbbing in my wrists and arms. I try to move my arm, and am hit by the feeling of a sharp metal, piercing at my skin. I open my eyes immediately, and look at the man on top of me. I realize it's not Mulder. It's not Mulder, at all. In fact, the man that is on top of me, has a crewcut, sharp, piercing, uncaring eyes, filled with desire, and has a knife in his left hand. My hands are handcuffed to the bedpost, and I'm suddenly, very, very aware of the man on top of me. "Hey," I cry out. The man looks at me as if surprised I woke up. He touches my hair, almost gently, before moving down my nude body, until he's off the bed. He starts to massage my feet gently, drawing circles with his fingers, putting little pressure on it. He massages each toe, separately, before looking up at me about to speak. "I want this to be about you. I want you to orgasm." "Let go of me," I demand. He ignores my demand and his fingers are suddenly putting a lot more pressure on my feet. I start to struggle against him, but it's of no use. My feet are handcuffed to the bed posts also. "Let me fucking go," I shout. My hoarse cries are ignored and he tries to steady me, more violently this time. He hits me hard, takes the knife, and cuts my right leg. I think by writhing, I'm just giving him more pleasure. I scream. I mean, I know I shouldn't give the benefit of seeing me scream, but I can't help myself. I'm scared. I'm not even in my apartment, and that revelation strikes me only now. I look around the dark room, lighted only with candles, and a shiver runs down my spine. I think he takes it for pleasure, and his mouth starts to move up and down my lower legs. The walls are filled with screaming girls, mostly about my age. Pictures of them, stunned in fright, as the man is poised on top of them ready to enter them, to violate them, in the most scariest way ever. I struggle more forcefully as his mouth goes underneath my right knee, then my left. I feel one of his hands reach up, and squeeze my breast roughly, painfully. "Please, please let me go," I beg. I know, I'm going against all protocol. You're supposed to show you aren't afraid of the person, and I'm acting scared. It's just a bad dream, I convince myself, a bad nightmare. I can't pinch myself to find out though. The mans mouth moves to my upper thigh. He bites. Hard. I scream, and start to writhe again. He takes the knife, and cuts my thigh, where he bit me. "Shut the fuck up, alright?" I moan, in defeat. There's nothing I can do. I don't know how long I've been here, how I got here, and I have nothing in the means of self defense. He's naked, his erection very clear, and I'm naked, tied to the bed. His mouth latches on to my clit, and I try not to move. I don't want to be cut again. When I feel his toungue enter me, I can't help but start to frantically try and get away. Trying to pull my hips back, away from his prying mouth, was no good. He bit my clit, hard, and I felt myself pass out. I woke up to feel him over me, his mouth covering my own. He was inside of me, and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and breasts. I look down, to see blood pouring down. Blood, where he'd cut my breasts, and my legs, a small cut in my stomach. Pain, it was all I felt. Especially where our bodies are joined. I pass out again. *** I wake up, to find myself in my apartment. I know it wasn't a dream, if only because of the pain inside of my body. I don't really understand what happened just yet. I'm wearing a dirty robe, and dirty cloths cover my wounds. I look in my mirror, as I take off the robe. The sight scares the living shit out of me. Bruises cover my body, scars, cuts. Deep cuts. The dirty cloths the man had covered me with, no-doubtedly had led to infection of the cuts. I go to the bathroom, ignoring the pain that hits my body full force. I take out a cloth, and wet it, gently going over my body, everywhere. Everytime the cloth hit a cut, I'd wince. I know I can't take a shower, though I feel dirty all over, only because it would hurt. As I look in the mirror, I come to a decision. Nobody needs to know about this. Not my mother. Not Skinner. Not Mulder. Nobody. Nobody needs to find out. I realize he hadn't touched my face. It's in good condition, other than the paleness it reveals. I don't want anyone to think anything happened, which is why I wanted to go to work. But I couldn't. God, I wouldn't even be able to sit straight at work. I wouldn't be able to stand. I turn to look at my watch, but it's not there. Letting out a cry of frustration, I try to pull open the bathroom door, but my wrists won't cooperate. They're numb, and sore, and can't open the door. "Damnit!" I shout loudly. I sink down on the floor and start to sob, only for a few seconds though. I try once again, and the door comes open. Going to the main room, I sink down on the couch. I grab the blanket that I left on it last night, and cover myself with it. I realize I'm shaking. I dial Skinner's number, and I talk to his secretary, telling her I have a bad cold and I can't come in to work today. She seemed sympathetic, and told me to get well soon, and I could only agree. The thing was though, I didn't want to be alone. This was where the man had taken me from, God knows how, but this was where I last remembered being. I head back to my bedroom, and change into my work clothes, covering all of my body, to make sure none of the scars would show. The sleeves were somewhat long, so it covered my wrists well. I was about to call a cab, when I noticed who was parked outside my apartment. It was Mulder, and he was waving at me, telling me to hurry. I was somewhat relieved he'd come to pick me up. I couldn't lock the door, I gave up on it, afraid that Mulder might worry I was taking too long, and just left it open. I ran towards the door, eager to be with Mulder, and I opened the door. I walked to the car, and got in. "Hey, I thought I'd pick you up today," Mulder announced as I sat down in the passenger seat. "Thanks," I reply. He looks at me for a second, but I don't meet his gaze. When he continues to look at me, I snap at him. "What?" "Aren't you going to put your seatbelt on?" I glance at the seatbelt feeling dreadfully, but my face doesn't reveal any emotion. I pull it over me, ignoring the sharp pain that rushes through my arms. I manage to clasp it, and nod at him. He starts to drive. *** "We've got to go out to Minnesota. New Case." "Okay," I reply without arguing. I think that gets to him, because he glances at me concernedly. "Are you okay, Scully? You look kind of pale today." I glance up at him, wondering if he knows, but I know he doesn't. "I'm okay, Mulder. I'm fine, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night." He nods, and we leave the office, ready to catch the plane. I wish he didn't take that as an explanation. I wish he knew. I look at him in the elevator, and I look in his eyes. Why don't you know, I need you to know! Of course, I don't voice any of that out loud. We pass by Skinner in the hall, and he looks at me, curiously. "I thought you weren't feeling well, Agent Scully?" He questions politely. I feel Mulder's eyes on me, but I ignore them. "I'm well enough to work though, sir," I insist. He nods, and continues down the hall. "What's wrong?" Mulder questions. "Nothing, I called in to say I couldn't come to work, because of a headache, but it was gone by the time you came." "Migraine?" Mulder asked. "Yeah," I say, not really lying. I did wake up with a headache. "God, I hate those," Mulder admitted honestly. I nod, as we enter his car. *** I'm sitting next to Mulder on the airplane. He offered me the window seat, but I refused. I let him have it this time. The cheery flight attendants, are passing out food, and when they came to our seat, I took Mulder's food from the flight attendant, to pass to Mulder. He takes hold of it, from where my wrists are holding it, and I gasp, pulling my wrists back. Luckily, he had grabbed the tray hard enough for it not to go tumbling down. I excuse myself, and get up, heading for the bathroom. I try to think up some lame excuse as to why my wrists are hurting. I dropped a knife on them... no, that's too lame. I hit them with a hammer... no, my wrists are bloody. I was putting up plates in my kitchen, and they came tumbling down, because I was too short.... Bingo. I hear his pitiful voice outside the bathrooms, and I open the door. He comes inside, ignoring the looks other gave him, probably thinking he was about to join the mile high club. Mulder took my wrists in his hands, and studied them. I pull them away after a few seconds, and try to sound nonchalent. "The plates in my apartment. I was putting them up on a really high shelf, and they fell down, cutting my wrists." I look at him, and I know he isn't buying it. But he isn't pushing. Oh God, don't let him think I was trying to commit suicide. His hand touches my back and I flinch away, because of the bruises that litter my back. "I suppose you got hurt there by falling also, am I right?" "Yes." I look in his eyes, but he still isn't buying it. He doesn't press me though. He lets his arm go around my shoulder, and lead me out of the bathroom. I could feel his mind on what was wrong with me but I can't tell him. I can't. TO BE CONTINUED. From: Mel J Date: Tue, 29 Jun 1999 07:24:37 PDT TITLE: Disguised (2/2) AUTHOR: MelJ EMAIL ADDRESS: xfiles25@hotmail.com *** "Scully, you do know that you can trust me with anything," Mulder assured. I nodded. "Ok," he finished, still looking at me with a look filled with confusion and worry. We sit back down at our seats, and I relax next to Mulder. He always kept me safe, and though he can annoy the hell out of me, I need him near me, if I'm ever going to get over this thing. When we finally land, we head straight to the hotel. Mulder seems to have forgotten about my wrists, and hasn't brought it up again. I love him, and hate him, all in one for that. He takes the exit, and he stops at the hotel, parking the Ford Taurus he rented. Mulder heads inside to get us some rooms, and I wait in the car. He comes out after a few seconds, and tells me to go ahead to my room, that he'd be there in a few minutes, and to not bother with my suitcase. He has the car keys, so I don't really have a choice there. I make sure all the doors are locked, and head to my room. When I'm there, I'm presented with a problem. A serious problem. The only nightie I had in my overnight bag, isn't all that modest. It's not that I'm afraid Mulder will try anything, but the fact that all my scars will show... He'll know it's not from falling down with the dishes scarring me. If I don't change, he'll wonder why I'm sleeping full clothed. I hear him enter the room, grumbling. "This is the only room they have available, and they don't have an extra cot." "Don't even think about sleeping on the floor, Mulder. You're sleeping with me on the bed tonight okay?" "Scully, I don't want to intru-." "Shut up, Mulder." I could read his mind. I know the first thought that crossed his mind when the hotel clerk said that they didn't have a cot, was that he had to sleep on the floor. I wasn't afraid of sleeping with him after the past incident, I know him too well to know he wouldn't try anything. Even if he did, I wouldn't mind. I've always wanted it. Though, I'd me a lot more satisfied, if he doesn't try it anytime soon. I'm surprised he hasn't given me a leer. He looks at me dubiously again, I think considering the fact that he was going to sleep next to me. "You want the shower first? Or can I take it?" "Go ahead," I murmur, getting under the covers. I'm tired, but I know I won't be able to sleep full clothed. Pain still shoots through my body, now that I'm alone. I can't ignore it any longer, but I have to. It's still early. Why's Mulder taking his shower this early? It's around six, and we need to get dinner. Hopping off the bed, I look through the flyers scattered around the tables and order pizza. Mulder is out of the shower, after a few minutes, and he's put on a pair of jogging pants. I guess because he isn't sleeping alone. He has a loose t-shirt on also. "I ordered Pizza." "Great," he replied. "I don't think we should do anything today, I mean it's already six, we might as well interview possible suspects tommorow. It's too late to make house calls, and you're sick, so you need your rest. Besides, I haven't had a good chance to look over the files." "Okay." "Aren't you going to take a shower?" "I umm, I think I'll pass." He frowns as that, and sits down next to me. He touches my shoulder lightly, and I know he's thinking something's wrong. I can't let him think that. "I'm fine, Mulder. Fine!" I reply fiercely. I pull away from him, and lie down, pulling the blankets over me. "Aren't you going to change, Scully?" "I'm too tired to change, Mulder," I lie. He feels the lie immediately. I could sense it, and I look in his eyes, which reveal everything. I think he doesn't want to upset me so he stays quiet. The pizza man comes, and Mulder and I argue for a few seconds about who's going to pay, before deciding to put it on the bureau expense report. He payed for the time-being anyways. He sat down on the bed, crossing his legs, and turned on the television. Making himself more comfortable, he leaned against the headboard, and had the remote in his hand. I sit next to him, keeping my legs stretched out, and eat in silence. He's watching a rerun of Seinfeld, and after eating one slice of pizza, I'm not hungry anymore. He looks at me, but doesn't say anything. I know he wants to question how I'm eating, but it's a game we play. We never question each other. We never pry into each others personal lives. I find myself dozing off next to him, curled up beside him. He's still sitting up, and I don't even realize I'm using his hip as a pillow. I'm beyond caring though. I feel him move my head gently to the pillow, and I look for his hand under the covers. I find it and hold it. Squeeze it tightly, is more like it. I could hear him get up, and pull out the files, before sitting next to me again. I drift off and find myself reliving the nightmare again. ~"Leave me alone," I scream at the man. "Please, please leave me alone." The man ignores my pleas and cuts me here with his knife, cuts me there with the knife, before pounding into me. I'm screaming the whole time.~ I wake up in a cold sweat, and I realize I've been screaming. Mulder's gently hovering over me, shaking me slightly, whispering it's only a nightmare. I shake my head at him. "It's not only a nightmare," I whisper, and Mulder's face suddenly twitches in shock. The tears are falling now, and I no longer care that I'm crying in front of my partner, and he's going to think I'm a four year old. Of course, he doesn't. He simply, pulls me up into his arms, holding me tightly. I flinch with pain at his contact, with one of my cuts, and he loosens his hold, and I continue to cry. I cry for a long time before he releases me. I stop crying, and look up at him. He needs confirmation of my silent revelation, and he needs it in words. "Somebody," Mulder started. "Somebody, rap-, somebody violated you?" I realize that this must affect him as much as it's affecting me. He can't even bring himself to say that someone raped me. My chin starts to tremble, and I tell him. "Somebody raped me last night, Mulder," I say, suddenly feeling very alone. Now that he knows, it's not just a nightmare anymore, I can't consider it that. It's real, and knowing Mulder, he's going to do everything in his power to get the bastard in jail. "Who did it, Scully? Who the hell did this to you?" "I don't know." "How? Where?" "I don't know. I, I woke up... I don't know where I was, I was handcuffed, and.. God..." "Did you see his face?" "Yes." "You'd be able to describe him then to police... He must've been in Virginia, if he managed to somehow kidnap you, and bring you back in the same night. Washington maybe, maybe Maryland, though I doubt he would've gone out of Virginia." "Yeah." "Oh God, Scully," Mulder whispers, and cradles me near him. I'm sort of surprised at the affection he's showing me. He tells me to go change, and I head to the bathroom and do. I pull my robe over me, fastening it. I head back, and the files are sprawled all over the bed, except for on my side. I sit down, and he tells me to take off the robe, that he's not going to try anything. I look up at him, and wonder if he thinks that's what I think. I take it off, to ease his consciensce. I hear an audible gasp from his direction. His hand touches the scar, that runs at the top of both of my breasts. He lets his hand run over it for at least a minute, studying it, as if finding ways to make it disappear. His eyes, slowly make their ascent back to my eyes. "Scully, you need to see a doctor. I mean... these look infected." "You're forgetting Mulder, I am a doctor." "Then, Scully. What am I going to need, to fix this. To dull the pain you're experiencing right now? I mean I'm not only talking about the physical pain, but the emotional impact this has had on you. I, I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry this had to happened to you. And you need to talk to someone about this, you need to let it out." "Honestly, Mulder...I, I won't feel comfortable, telling anyone else, I mean, this is something I have to deal with myself. Besides, you know about it Mulder, and you're who I trust the most. If anything, I'd come to you." "I, I know that, Scully. But you need a professional to help you." "No.. No, Mulder I don't. And I knew if I would tell you about this, that would be what you would say. That's why I didn't want to tell you." "And that's what hurt me the most, Scully. The fact that you didn't trust me, that you couldn't come to me right away." "I do trust you. You know that." "Then why, Scully? Why didn't you come to me immediately?" I tried to hold back my tears. I don't know why I didn't come to him immediately, I needed to hide it. So it wouldn't be real. So he wouldn't think I'm dirty, so he wouldn't blame it on me. I know he'd never blame me... but.. The tears flowed down my cheeks. Mulder pulled me into his arms, again cradling my fragile form to him. "Scully, I promise you, I'm going to find that rat bastard, and make him pay. I promise you. Screw this case, we're going back to Georgetown tommorow, and I'm going to find the son of a bitch." I moved closer to Mulder, but he put out a steadying hand. I look at him, puzzled, a little hurt. "I need to find something to put on that for you, ok?" He said motioning to the scars. "We'll talk about you talking to a psychiatrist, tomorrow. For now you need your rest." "Mulder, don't leave me here alone." The pleading in my voice was so small, so miniscule, but coming from me it was.. it was something big..Very big to Mulder, I know. That's why he relented and let me go with him. "Against my better judgement, Scully, you're welcome to come with me to the local pharmacy." "Thank you," I murmur, and head back to the bathroom to change back into my clothes. I emerge, and Mulder has simply put on a pair of jeans, to go with the t-shirt he'd been wearing. *** We came back from the pharmacy, about one hour later, only because Mulder realized their was a doctor's office next to the pharmacy. Of course, Mulder had to go in, and explain to the secretary that it was a medical emergency showing his badge. He told the doctor I was injured in the line of duty, that I was beat up. The doctor was very nice about the whole thing, letting Mulder help him help me. They covered my wounds with gauze, cleaned them, and put cream on them for fear of the infection. Mulder always had his way, and sometimes it just drived me crazy. Glancing at him, unable to scold him for what he did, I head to the bathroom. I quickly change into my pajamas, and emerge from the bathroom. Mulder's already settled on the bed, the covers over him, and he's lying down on his side of the bed. I join him in the bed, settle onto my own side, before changing my mind. I move into his space, and wrap my arms around him, settling my head on his chest. I think he's shocked for a moment, before he speaks, the words he says, come totally unexpected. "I love you, Scully. If there's one thing in this world I trust, I trust that, and I know it's right. I don't want you to ever think that I'll think your weak if something happens to you. You're the strongest person I know, Scully.. I never think you're weak, and I want you to know that." I close my eyes, and stay silent for a long time. The words he'd spoken filled a deep whole, that was in my heart. His words made me feel whole again. I don't know if he's fallen asleep, but I say the words anyways. "I love you Mulder. God, help me I love you too much. I'll try to be more open, I promise." I felt his arm tighten for a mere second, on my waist, in acknowledgment of my words. *** I wake up to find Mulder talking softly with someone at the door. I peer hazily through the blanket, and realize it's Skinner. I can hear bits of the conversation, and I realize he's giving Skinner the same lie he gave the doctor at the pharmacy. Well not exactly the same lie, but basically the same lie. Mulder was telling Skinner that I was hurt in an alley, when he was buying dinner. Skinner was nodding to Mulder, and I could hear Skinner saying that the best to do, was to take Scully home. I feigned being asleep as Mulder closed the door softly. I felt him come to me, and he bent across the bed, pressing a soft, undemanding, loving kiss to my forehead. I couldn't help but feel somewhat better with that kiss. I mean call me crazy, but everytime someone gave me a kiss when I was younger, when they thought I was asleep, I would burst out smiling. I heard another knock on the door, and Mulder moved to answer it, and it was a delivery man. I don't know where Mulder gets his connections from, but to get someone to deliver breakfast sure is someone. I sit up, as Mulder brings the food in, and closes the door. "Hey," he murmurs. He sits down on the bed, and takes out the food. He urges me to eat it all, and I try, honestly I do. Halfway through, I'm not hungry anymore. I push it away, but Mulder seems satisfied with how much I ate anyways. It was a lot more, than one slice of pizza. "You doing okay?" "I'm better," I reply, honestly. "I'll be even better though when he's locked up behind bars." Mulder nods, and I know he's thinking up ways to get the man in jail. To find the man. "Scully, I know this is hard for you.. But I need you to retrace your steps, everything you remember before it happened." I start to think back, knowing he's right. "I came back from work, Mulder. I-." "What Scully?" Mulder urged gently. "My door was unlocked when I came home. I didn't know how, I thought that I forgot to lock it when I left for work. I took out my gun, for safety reasons, but there wasn't anyone in my apartment. I locked the door, and I drank some of the juice that was in my fridge... I have a spare key, under the welcome mat, inside my apartment. The welcome mat or key, wasn't there, I don't know why I didn't realize that then... I don't remember much after the juice, maybe the man put something in it.." "That drug used famously for rape? I think it's LSD?" "That would make sense." "Our flight leaves in an hour. We better get going, and make sure that thing get's whats coming to him." "Alright." *** We went to my apartment, and the door was unlocked. I hadn't locked it before because of my wrists, and I felt Mulder take a sideglance at me, when I explained it. He told me to wait outside, as he went into the apartment, to make sure nobody was inside of it. It was empty, and he called me in. He looked down in front of the door and sure enough there was no welcome mat, or key. There was a scrap piece of paper, on the table, that I didn't see before. I picked it up and read it slowly, Mulder right behind me. 'I'll return to finish the job. UKUM321LOLVEEN' I glance at Mulder, then at the letter. I don't feel threatened with the letter, I mean, not as threatened as I would be if Mulder wasn't there next to me. "What the hell," Mulder breaths next to me, reading the letters and numbers. "I think we're going to have to play the waiting game," I say, looking up at Mulder. He nods. He sits down on the couch, and I head to the kitchen, deciding to make some coffee. He calls me, and tells me not to touch anything, and I give up. I sit back on the couch, the opposite side of Mulder, and we remain silent for a long time, before he breaks the silence. "I still think you should see a psy-." "No." "But Scu-." "I said no." "Scul-." "Mulder, do you want me to kick you out of here?" He shuts up and he starts shuffling with his feet, twiddling his thumbs, and reachs in his coat, and starts to pop sunflower seeds. Sighing, I glance at the clock. It's only noon, and chances are the man wouldn't come in the day. Suddenly, I realize Mulder's moving close to me. For a split second, I think he's about to kiss me, when I hear a barely audible whisper in my ear. "Tell me that isn't him," he says, motioning outside the window. I glance at the black sedan, parked outside, and his face is clearly visible, looking directly through my window, though where the couch is, he can't see us, but we can see him. Swallowing, I squint, and recognize him immediately. I nod at Mulder, and Mulder stands up, leaving the apartment, and drawing his gun. I know Mulder's plan, I can read his mind. He wants me to head towards the window and distract the man, so he can get a clear shot. I've got plans of my own though. I pull out my own gun, and cock it. I head towards the window, and lift it slightly. I stare at the man and he stares right back at me. He does the first mistake, he starts to get out of his car. His second mistake, he doesn't see my gun. His third mistake, he doesn't see Mulder tackle him from behind. Without thinking, I fire at the man, unwilling to think that it might hit Mulder by mistake. It didn't hit Mulder though, it hit the man. He toppled to the floor and I could see Mulder watch me for a few seconds, before turning his attention on the ailing man. I don't want to go down there, I don't want to be close to the man. Never again. *** I've already given my statement, that I killed him on the basis of self-defense, which is what Mulder suggested I do. I'm sitting now, thinking over the past few days. The nightmare's over. He's dead. He's gone out of my life. Though what about the others, the other victims, who don't know who did it, weren't able to extract their revenge... The other victims, who suffer mindlessly, because of one selfish act. I could hear Mulder telling the policemen, that I need my rest, and if they could finish up tommorow, and after a little argueing they agreed. They knew the man was a rapist but Mulder decided against telling the officers that I was personally raped by that man, or they might start a criminal investigation against me. For now it's my secret and Mulder's alone. The police are gone now, and Mulder sits down next to me. Waiting for me, waiting for me to speak. I might lie, and say that killing him was unneccesary. But the truth is, I feel a lot better now. "I had to kill him, Mulder," I start, but he stops me. "If you hadn't killed him, I would've, Scully. You need your rest," he urges. What rest, I think scornfully. It's the afternoon, how could I sleep. I realize I've putten rest and sleep into one equation because how little I get of both. I feel Mulder push me down on the sofa, so I'm lying down and cover me with a blanket. I had to kill the man, there was no other way. I don't feel a total sense of closure, I still feel violated. I just feel a lot better, than I have been the last few days. One day, I know I'll get over this thing, and I know it'll take time. Time I hope will be spent with the man that's now sitting on the floor in front of the couch, one hand lazily touching my foot, to make sure I wouldn't disappear. A long road to recovery, but with Mulder, I know I'll reach it.