From: Laura Herold <76021.3043@CompuServe.COM>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Dispelling the Mystery (1/2)
Date: 22 Feb 1996 03:47:45 GMT


Credit is due to Chris Carter and the rest of "The X-Files" 
pantheon for the characters, backstory and locations referred to 
herein; these elements are used without permission. The quotes 
are used without permission as well. No impingement of rights 
was contemplated. 

Send comments to 76021.3043@compuserve.com

Part 1 of 2

Dispelling the Mystery
by Laura Herold

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
			-- Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"

*SATURDAY NIGHT*

	Dana Scully set the book she had been reading on the coffee 
table and went to answer the pounding on her door. She opened 
the door to reveal Fox Mulder leaning against a wall in her hallway.
"Mulder?" she said.

	"May I come in?" he asked.

	Scully stepped aside. She noticed that Mulder looked weary.
"Can I take your coat?" she asked.

	Mulder shook his head and sat down on the sofa. Scully sat in a
chair. She didn't know what was going on, so she decided to let
Mulder take his time getting to it.

	When he finally spoke, after several minutes of silence, he 
didn't look at her. "How honest can I be?" he asked softly.

	A chill went through her. For a moment Scully wasn't sure how
to respond. "What is this about, Mulder?" she asked.

	"It's about me," he said, standing up and walking over to the
window. He continued speaking with his back to her. "I don't know
if I should be here," he said. "But I've got nowhere else to go." He
was silent for a moment. Scully tried to make sense of what he 
was saying. 

	He turned to face her. "You didn't answer *my* question," he
said.

	Scully remembered a quote from somewhere, something about 
"quiet desperation." That was what she saw in Mulder's eyes. 
She stood up and walked over to him.

	"Give me your coat," she said. 

	He didn't move.

	"Mulder," she said. "Give me your coat."

	He took it off and surrendered it to her. She laid it over a chair. 
Like Scully herself Mulder was dressed in Saturday garb: a 
sweatshirt and jeans. He turned back to the window. Scully went 
back over to the sofa and sat down. "Come over here," she said. 

	He looked at her, but he stayed where he was. He just stood 
there, leaning against the windowsill. "I was sitting there in 
my apartment with the lights off," he said. "I was sitting there, 
and I thought: What the hell am I doing? Why am I wasting my 
time with the FBI? What good has all this crap with the X-Files 
done? Has it really gotten me any closer to Samantha? Has it 
really done any good at all? Every day I get home, and I'm so 
goddamn frustrated. I feel like I'm running in circles, and I 
never get any closer to anything that matters."

	"I think we're doing good work," Scully said, "useful work. I 
wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think so."

	"I know you think that," he said. "That's the only good thing." 
He sighed. "But you and I have different agendas, Scully. And 
I'm not succeeding at mine." He walked over to the sofa and sat 
down. Scully noticed that he chose to sit as far from her as 
possible. "I'm building something with imaginary bricks," he 
said. "No matter how many I use there's still nothing there."

	"I think the problem is that your goal is one set thing," Scully
said. "It's all or nothing. You have to be able to appreciate the 
little successes along the way. I think we've helped people. That's
all we can expect to do."

	"I know that. I know that should be important, and sometimes 
it is," he said. "But I don't feel like *I'm* getting anywhere. 
All I do is pound my head against the wall, wait for the headache 
to go away, and then go back to pounding." 

	Silence descended heavy and thick. Scully wondered what she
should do. Should she try to smooth everything over and hustle 
him out the door, or should she continue pursuing this? What 
would a partner do? What would a friend do? "How honest do you 
want to be?" she asked.

	Mulder just looked at her for a moment. "There are so many
goddamn walls," he said.

	"Then let's start taking some of them down."

	"Are you sure that's what you want?"

	"I'm not just an FBI agent," Scully said. "I'm also a person. I 
need some sort of normalcy. I need to be able to talk to 
someone without all the covert crap and without the fear. I 
need to be able to give something of myself and get something 
in return."

	"I want to be completely honest."

	"Then do it."

	Mulder sighed. "I'm tired of failing Samantha..."

	"That isn't true. Your persistence in searching for her is nothing
short of heroic."

	"I appreciate that, but I know better."

	"I'm not just saying that. I believe it. Aside from my father you 
are probably the the most heroic and honorable person I have ever 
known."

	Mulder looked away. Scully couldn't gauge his reaction. Was he
embarrassed? Angry? She moved closer to him. He looked at her,
and she saw uncertainty in his eyes. "I'm not sure I am who you 
think I am," he said. "I'm here, so I have the responsibility to look 
for her. But it's not entirely selfless, you know. Until I find her 
I can't have a life of my own. I owe it to her to devote my life to 
finding her."

	"I understand, but if that's selfishness, it's an unselfish 
selfishness. Besides, everyone is selfish. That doesn't make you 
any less worthy of praise."

	He looked at her for a long time. "I shouldn't be burdening you 
with this, Scully," he said. "You're my partner, not my shrink."

	"I'm your friend," she said.

	Mulder gently brushed his fingers along her cheek. He moved 
his hand to her shoulder. Then he moved away from her.

	"What's wrong?" Scully asked.

	Mulder stood up. "Nothing," he said. He walked over to the 
kitchen table and leaned against one of the chairs. "I'm just
grateful. When I found out I was getting a baby sitter, I thought 
they had finally found the thing that would disrupt my work. 
That you would be fair with me, that you would care about me, 
those things I never even imagined."

	"Come back over here."

	"I don't think I should. I have the urge to do something...
inappropriate."

	"Such as?"

	"I was looking at you, and I couldn't help thinking how 
beautiful you were. If I had stayed there, I would have had to 
kiss you. And that's no way for a partner to behave."

	Scully smiled. She went with her feelings over good sense: 
"Do you want to give it a shot?" she asked.

	"What? Seriously?"

	"Just to see what it would be like -- to get past it."

	"To dispel the mystery."

	"Right."

	"An experiment with the foregone conclusion of failure."

	"Exactly."

	Mulder walked back over to the sofa and sat down. "OK," he 
said. "Just to get it out of the way." He lifted her chin and 
looked into her eyes. Then his lips met hers.

	It wasn't the tentative kiss of two people afraid of what they
would find. It was the deep passionate kiss of two people
exploring buried feelings. Scully slipped her arms around him
and pulled his body next to hers. He moved his lips to her neck,
and her hands slid under his shirt.

	"Dana..."

	"I don't want to stop."

	He looked in her eyes. "This isn't why I came here. I didn't
expect..."

	She touched his face lightly. "I know," she said.

	"I can't believe this is real."

	Scully removed her sweatshirt, exposing her bra. "What about 
now?" she asked.

	"Now I think you'd better tell me if you're teasing me."

	"I'm not."

	"Good," he said. He took off his shirt and moved up next to her, 
his skin touching hers. Their lips met hungrily. She felt his 
fingers on her back, undoing the hooks on her bra.

	Not like this, she thought. "Mulder," she said firmly. When he 
took no notice she tried a different route. "Fox," she said.

	He pulled away from her, confusion showing in his gleaming eyes.

	"Not like this," she said. She didn't want this to happen in a 
heap on the sofa.

	"I'll do anything you want," he said. She realized it was true,
a truth born out of complete devotion. She took his hand in hers
and led him to her bedroom.

******************************************************

Continued in Part 2

===========================================================================

From: Laura Herold <76021.3043@CompuServe.COM>
Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative
Subject: Dispelling the Mystery (2/2)
Date: 22 Feb 1996 03:49:39 GMT


The disclaimer is in Part 1.

Part 2 of 2

Dispelling the Mystery
by Laura Herold

"My heart always timidly hides itself behind my mind."
			-- Edmond Rostand, "Cyrano de Bergerac"

*SUNDAY MORNING*

	Scully awoke to find herself alone in bed. She wondered if 
Mulder had slipped out in the middle of the night. She got out 
of bed and pulled on a sweater and jeans. Then she walked out 
to the kitchen.

	Mulder was at the stove. A pile of toast sat on the counter with
two glasses of orange juice. He turned to look at her. "I didn't know
if I should stay," he said, "but I thought you might want to talk. I
hope you don't mind about the food."

	"No problem," she said. "I'm glad you stayed." She took a seat at 
her table. Mulder brought over two plates of food in one trip and 
the orange juice and forks in another. 

	Scully watched for a moment as he dug into the food. "Nothing 
has to change," she said.

	Mulder continued to eat.

	"Mulder?" she said.

	"I suppose not," he said without looking up.

	"It's not like we have to blow this out of proportion. We're both adults."

	"Right," Mulder said. "Adults and partners in the FBI."

	The room was silent for a moment. Mulder continued to eat. 
Scully stared at him. What is this about? she wondered. What 
does he want me to say?

	"What do you want, Mulder?" she asked.

	"A lot of things," he said, finally meeting her gaze.

	"Then tell me."

	"I want to find Samantha," he said. "And I want out of the FBI."

	"I meant about us."

	"There is no us," he said.

	"How can you say that? After last night..."

	"How can I say that?" Mulder said, anger flaring in his voice. 
"Look at us, Scully. The whole damn FBI is between us. The Bureau 
will always come between us."

	"Last night we made love..."

	"Last night we had sex with the closest available person. We 
were both lonely, that's all. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make 
any difference."

	"Then why are you so angry?" she said. "And who do you think 
you're fooling? I know how I felt. And I think you felt the same way. 
You can tell me if I'm wrong, but I expect you to at least tell me the 
truth."

	Mulder stood and walked into the kitchen. "The truth is we 
don't have any future together, Scully," he said. "They'll never let us 
be together."

	She walked over to him. "We already are together," she said. 
"We always have been." She knew he was at a loss, but she saw 
this thing clearly. She knew what she wanted. "Kiss me," she said. 
He hesitated for a second or two before acquiescing. Their lips 
touched gently. Scully thought: I'm in love with him. How long has 
this been going on? Why didn't I see it before? What does it mean? 
"It doesn't have to be all or nothing," she said. "It's not like we have 
to walk hand-in-hand down the Bureau's hallways or kiss in the 
cafeteria or make love on your desk chair."

	Mulder flushed bright red and turned away.

	Scully grabbed his arm. "What? What is it?"

	He didn't look at her. "You don't want to know," he said, but 
she could see the hint of a smile on his face.

	"Tell me."

	He looked at her for a second and then looked away. "It's 
nothing. What you said just reminded me of a dream I had a 
few nights ago."

	"Tell me."

	He laughed. "I really don't think you want to hear about it," he said.

	"How about if I tell you one first?" she said slyly. 

	Mulder rolled his eyes. "That seems like a dangerous road to go
down," he said.

	"Are you game?" she asked looking into his eyes. "I'm not going 
to tell you my dream if you won't tell me yours."

	"OK, OK. I'm probably going to regret this," he said, "but sure, 
what the hell. But I want you to remember that this was your idea."

	They went over to the sofa and sat down. "Close your eyes," she
said. 

	Mulder smiled and leaned back against the sofa, his eyes
closed. "Go ahead," he said.

	Scully thought for a minute. It would be easy for her to tell him 
a story, one of her fantasies. She'd had plenty. But she decided to
play fair. "About a week ago I had this dream that you and I were
on a stakeout. I went to get us some food and then came back. When
I sat down in the car you started babbling on about some theory
about the case..."

	"Wait a minute, babbling?" Mulder said with mock incredulity.
"You think I babble?"

	"Wait till I finish. You'll get your turn."

	"Whatever," Mulder said. He said it with a smile, so Scully 
forgave him.

	"Anyway," Scully resumed, "you were babbling about some 
craziness like usual, and I was very unprofessionally not listening."

	"Sounds about right."

	Scully glared at him. "All I was thinking about was how good 
you looked in the moonlight," she said. She expected another 
smart-ass remark, but Mulder was silent. "I reached over and put 
my hand over yours. You looked at me and smiled. Then you said 
something like, 'You said it yourself, Scully: It's fate, not love.' 
And I said, 'Not this time,' and I opened up the bag I was holding 
and took out the iced tea."

	Mulder laughed out loud. "The Tooms case, right? That was a 
hundred years ago. You still think about that?" 

	"I guess so."

	He got more serious. "I hope to hell I kissed you," he said.

	"You did," Scully said. "And then somehow we wound up in the 
back seat."

	"So much for the stakeout."

	"Right."

	Mulder was silent for a moment. "I was really shooting my 
mouth off that night," he said. "I wonder what I would have done 
if you *had* brought iced tea."

	"It wasn't the right time," Scully said. "Now it's your turn."

	"Now I'm even less inclined to tell you," he said. "You're really 
going to think I'm a jerk."

	"We had a deal, Mulder. And besides, last night you said you 
would do anything I wanted."

	Mulder smirked. "Yeah, well a guy will say anything to..." He 
stopped when Scully stood up suddenly and walked away. "What? I 
was just joking, Scully."

	She went to the table, picked up the plates, and put them in the 
kitchen. She was angry that he had managed to come up with the one 
thing that she really didn't want to hear. She felt him behind her and
turned to face him. She wasn't sure what he saw, but it stopped him
in his tracks.

	"Look, I'm sorry I said that," he said. "Sometimes I just don't think."

	"Or you think too much, always trying to be clever. When you 
said that last night, it was special. You gave yourself to me. But 
you've already put the walls back up." The room fell silent. Scully 
started scraping food off the plates into a garbage bag.

	"You're right," Mulder said in a low, almost unrecognizable tone. 
"But that isn't what I want."

	She faced him and saw the weariness from the night before. 
She wondered if she was being too hard on him. "Maybe I 
overreacted," she said.

	"No," he said. He reached out his hand to touch hers. "I know 
why you said it. You're disappointed. I have that effect on people." 
She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued quickly. "Most of 
the time it doesn't matter, because I usually don't respect the 
person or their opinion anyway. But I respect you, and I don't want 
you to be disappointed." He smiled briefly. "If I can help it anyway." 
He sighed. "I always felt something was missing in my life. I 
always thought it was Samantha, but then, when you were gone, I 
couldn't think about anything else, day or night. I was way over the 
edge. And it was so much more than missing you or worrying about 
you. It was like suddenly *my* life didn't make sense anymore. And 
then that night I thought you were going to die..." He broke off for 
a moment. "That night," he said, "I couldn't think. I couldn't do 
anything. I think if I had lost you I would have lost my mind."

	"Mulder..."

	"I know."

	She stepped back and looked at him. He does know, she thought. 

	"I would have exchanged places with you in a heartbeat," he said.

	"I know," she said. 

	He stepped close to her and kissed her, long and hard and deep. 
Scully thought about how comfortable it was in the arms of this
man who loved her. It would be so easy to go back to the bedroom.... 
But there was a piece of unfinished business. She took a step back. 
"Tell me now," she said.

	"What? Tell you what?"

	"The dream."

	"Really? You still want to hear the dream?"

	"You're not going to distract me with all this lovey-dovey 
crap, Mulder."

	Mulder laughed. "Foiled again," he said. "OK, what the hell. Only 
let's go back to the sofa. When you punch me I'd rather not hit the 
tile floor or the counter."

	They walked back over to the sofa and sat down. "Now I want 
you to take this the way... uh, well..." he said.

	"Get on with it, Mulder."

	"All business, huh?"

	"Mulder."

	"Right," he said. "I had a dream that I was in my office working 
on some stuff late at night. There was a knock on the door, and I 
thought: Nifty, who the hell is this? Skinner? Cancer Man? Krycek? 
Phoebe?" 

	Scully rolled her eyes, and Mulder smiled. 

	"The door was unlocked, so I told the person to come in. Turned 
out to be you. You walked over to my desk and said something like, 
'Mulder, I have something to show you.'"

	"That's not at all cliche, is it?" Scully said sarcastically.

	"Hey, it's a dream, OK?" Mulder said. "Anyway, I of course said, 
'What is it, Scully?' You opened up your trench coat and..."

	"Jesus, Mulder."

	"Give me a little credit," Mulder said. "You opened the coat, and 
there you were dressed in a black corset, garters, and stiletto
heels."

	"*Much* better than what I was thinking. Let me guess how it 
went," she said. "You tried to resist me, but I forced myself on 
you. You just *had* to give in."

	"Well, you climbed over my desk and into my lap..."

	She slugged him hard in the shoulder. "You really are 
perverted, Mulder," she said.

	"Why? You wouldn't do that?" 

	She was about to slug him again when his cellular phone 
started to ring. He answered it and had a brief conversation 
that told her he was going to be leaving. Quickly.

	"That was Skinner," he said. "Apparently he's working on 
Sunday, and he needs us down there now. He wouldn't tell me 
what's going on, but it sounds like something big." He stood up.

	"Since we both have to change, I guess I'll see you there," she 
said.

	Mulder put on his coat. "Don't change too much," he said. "I 
kind of like things like this."

	"So do I," Scully said. "So do I."

****************************************************

Send comments to:
Laura Herold (76021.3043@compuserve.com)