From: "lisa.danilowicz" Date: Thu, 6 May 1999 11:00:32 -0500 Subject: NEW: "Dissociation" (1/1) by Lisa Disclaimer: Yeah, right. Like these characters are mine. Category: VA Classification: Mulder/Scully UST Rating: PG Archive: Gossamer. Others ask me. Spoilers: Milagro Feedback: Knock yourself out. Summary: Mulder's concern for Scully prompts him to take action. Author's Note: This is one I've been wanting to write for awhile, but y'know, school, papers, etc. got in the way. I was able to write it last night after I finished my last paper. Unlike Shannon, this is my last Milagro post-ep one. Ephemeral: *FEEDBACK*danil001@bama.ua.edu "Dissociation" (1/1) by Lisa (danil001@bama.ua.edu) FBI Headquarters Washington, D.C. Friday, 5:07 p.m. "Mulder, that's ridiculous. How could I be avoiding you? We work together." Scully wasn't enjoying this conversation. It had been a long day and she just wanted to go home. "You haven't been over my place in weeks." he stated. "There's been no reason to come over." She answered. "Where is all this coming from?" "I asked you a couple of times if you could come over and pick up some files and reports and you *claimed* you were too busy." Mulder wondered what her response would be to that statement. "Which was true. What are you getting at, Mulder?" Scully demanded. "Come over tonight for dinner." he offered. "What is this? A date?" "Just two friends getting together." he told her. "Around 7 o'clock." "I don't know. I'm -" Scully searched for an excuse, but one wasn't forthcoming. Mulder glared at her. "Ok, fine. I'll be there. Are you happy now?" Scully picked up her purse and stormed up the stairs. **** Mulder's apartment 6:47 p.m. Mulder took the liberty of ordering a pizza for the two of them. He didn't know how to cook, and sure as hell wasn't going to try and learn in the span of two hours. After paying the delivery boy, he set the cardboard box down on the table beside the couch. Luckily, he found a couple of Cokes at the back of the refrigerator to wash down their dinner. Mulder had a feeling Scully was not coming over to his place because of what happened with Padgett. It had been weeks since that case had been wrapped up and he guessed that Scully was avoiding his apartment for that very reason. No, he was pretty damn sure that was the reason, but he wanted to hear it from her. He remembered how she had clung to him after the attack, like he was an anchor in a storm. It scared him to see her like that, especially when it took him close to an hour to calm her down. Even during her cancer, she never fell apart like that. Always strong and self-assured. Mulder tried not to think of the images that must be going through her mind. Scully had looked tired a lot lately and sometimes had difficulty concentrating on their cases, often getting angry at him when he asked her what was wrong. Mulder thought he heard the elevator ding and opened the door to look down the hallway for her. She was halfway here, walking close to the wall on the opposite side of his door. He noticed her hesitant glance at Apartment 44. "I thought I heard you." he said. "Well, you were right." Scully stepped through the door trying not to look at that space where she was attacked, but noticed their dinner was awfully close to it didn't help. "Could we eat in the kitchen?" she suggested. "Sure, if you want. I thought we'd be more comfortable out here, but . . ." Mulder picked up the pizza and Scully followed with the Cokes. They barely talked during dinner. Between Scully trying to crane her neck to look into the living room and Mulder's frustration that he can't make her open up to him about the attack nothing was being accomplished to help her. Possibly he was expecting too much, too quickly. Scully finished her third slice of pizza and said she had to go. "Why?" Mulder asked. "Scully just tell me. Tell me." "Mulder, what the hell is wrong with you?" "It's not me it's you. You're the one with the problem." Mulder stated. "I'm fine. *You're* the one who's agitated." she commented. "Fine, I guess *I'm* just going to have to say it." "What?" she demanded. "You don't want to come over here because of what happened with Padgett. You're afraid." Scully crossed her arms in front of her, waiting for him to continue. "I understand, but I don't understand why you're hiding it from me, Scully. Trust me." "I do trust you." Scully replied. "But, there's nothing to tell. It's over now. I was scared and upset, but that's past. Padgett . . . he's . . . he's dead." "Since you trust me, then you don't mind coming with me." Mulder left the table and grabbed something out of his desk drawer. "C'mon." Scully followed him out of the apartment wondering what this was all about. Couldn't he just leave her alone? Instead of heading for the elevator, he stopped at the next door apartment. "Mulder, what are you doing?" she asked. "I hope it isn't what I think it is." "I'm helping you." he replied, fumbling with the lock on the door. "No, you're breaking and entering." Scully corrected him. "No. No one lives here, so it's just entering." Mulder pushed the door open lightly. "You first." "Mulder, C'mon, this isn't funny. Let's go." "We will after you've walked through this apartment." So this was a challenge. Scully could do this. No problem. Then Mulder would be proven wrong. She could handle this. She could handle anything. "Fine." Scully flipped on the light and walked in. It looked almost like when Padgett lived here. Devoid of furnishings. Vacant. Bare. She spotted the exact place where he showed her the novel. She was standing where the desk used to be. The typewriter. She could almost see him sitting there, writing her into his eerie tale. It made her feel like she was being watched. Watched without her consent. She walked into the bedroom, jumping when she saw a roach scurry across the floor. It scared her. Scared her so much her heart was beating fast. Too fast. She had to get out of here. Someone could be watching her right now. Plotting. Every time she saw a man on the street she wondered if he was stalking her like Padgett did. Could someone else know too much about her life and her daily activities? Could someone else violate her like that? "Scully . . ." Mulder ran after her as she dashed out of the apartment. "Scully?" Scully stopped, her eyes frozen on that spot on the floor in Mulder's apartment when she was attacked. "Mulder . . . Mulder, didn't you have a rug there?" Mulder came up behind her. "What? Yes, I did." he answered. "What happened to it?" Scully couldn't tear her eyes away. "I threw it away." he told her. "Why? I thought you loved that rug." "I did. I tried to get it clean, but your . . . the blood wouldn't come out and I couldn't look at it without seeing you in pain. Hurting. I didn't want to . . . " "I know. If it happened at my place I don't know what I'd do either. I'd . . . I don't know how to . . ." her voice trailed off and she slumped to the floor. "Tell me how to make it go away, Mulder." she sobbed. "Tell me. Please." Mulder closed the door softly and sank down to the floor beside her. "I wish I knew. I wish I had the right words to say to you to make everything better." "I'm having nightmares about it. About you. Blood all over my hands as I try and comfort you. You're hurting and I can't help you. " Mulder admitted. Scully nodded. "I'm having nightmares, too. I sometimes awaken and feel like there's blood all over my chest. I have to go look in the mirror to reassure myself. I should know that I'm Ok, but . . . " She wiped away the tears "But what?" Mulder asked. "At least with the nightmares, my heart beats fast I know it's there. He . . . he didn't take it. He didn't take it." she cried. Mulder reached for her hand. "No, he didn't." he said softly. "You're right. I was avoiding your apartment because it happened here. I didn't want to talk about it. I can't even look at the file. It was hard writing up my report. I'm sorry I've been short with you. It's not you. It's not." "I know." Mulder said. "I know." He moved forward, caressing her cheek before kissing it tenderly. Scully remembered when he comforted her just after the attack. She was so upset and held him tightly, crying into his shoulder. During that time she thought Mulder kissed her on the cheek, but wasn't sure. This time, however, she didn't have that problem. "Your apartment has always made me feel safe, even if you haven't been here. I still felt safe. I want that feeling back. I hope it will come back in time." she explained. Mulder motioned for her to come closer to him. He scooted until his back was touching the table and held out his arms for her. Scully sat between his legs as his arms came around her waist. She let her head fall against his chest, closing her eyes not thinking about anything at all for a change. "Know what?" Mulder asked, his voice a whisper against her neck. "We just made a new memory." **** END (1/1)