Subject: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars (1/2) From: adives@aol.com (ADIves) Date: 16 Mar 1998 20:17:50 GMT Title: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars (1/2) Author: Adrian.D.Ives E-Mail: ADIves@aol.com Rating: G Categories: Humour MSR Summary: Mulder has convinced Scully to let him help her choose a birthday present for her mother. In a strange old curio shop they make an amazing discovery. Spoilers: Absolutely none whatsoever Disclaimer: The X-Files, Mulder and Scully are the intellectual property of Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and Fox Television. Status: This story may be archived or forwarded (provided that the author is clearly identified) but may not be distributed for profit. * * * After "DawnBreak" here's something a whole lot lighter. I don't normally write this kind of thing. Please let me know what you think. * * * The X Files: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars by Adrian.D.Ives "You really *don't* have to do this, Mulder." Said Scully, pushing through the bustling crowds to reach the other side of the narrow street. "No, look, I *want* to." Mulder replied, trying to keep up with her. "I said I'd come help you choose a present for your mom." Dana Scully stopped abruptly, and Mulder collided with her. (A not entirely unpleasant experience, he had to admit). "Mulder, if this is some kind of ploy -" He looked hurt. "Scully, how can you say that?" "Easy." She said, turning back towards the little shop where she knew that she would find what she wanted. "How can you even *think* it?" Mulder continued. They reached the door. She stopped again, but this time he managed to avoid a collision. But it was hard work. "Simple." She replied. He thought about that for a few seconds. "Scully?" "What?" "I like your hair done that way." Scully sighed with resignation, and pushed open the door to the shop. Mulder followed her inside. It was small, dark, and dusty. An old place, that seemed much older than its modern-day surroundings. Mulder was reminded of some 17th century apothecary's workshop. Or something like that, anyway. There were little ornaments and porcelain knick-knacks everywhere, apparently stacked totally at random. He had never seen anything quite so chaotic before. "Nice place, Scully." He said, dryly, easing himself around a stuffed polar bear with a gold chain and medallion around its neck. "Isn't it just." She replied, and made her way past the deserted counter towards a curtained opening that led into the back of the shop. "You know, Mulder, I've been coming here for years. It's really an incredible place." "You don't say." Through the curtain, they emerged into a much larger room, its high walls lined with old books. An old man, a very old man, hobbled up to her, his head bowed down. "And how are you today, my dear?" He asked, in a fragile voice. Mulder had already crossed the room and reached the other side. He looked over the man and mouthed the words "Who is this guy?" to Scully. She shook her head disparagingly. "Hello, Jack. I'm fine." She replied. "Good. Good." He said, walking past her and out through the doorway. "I'll leave you to it, then." He pulled the curtain across behind him. Mulder was poking around amongst a pile of old, leather-bound, volumes. As he moved them, a fine cloud of dust rose and was caught in the narrow shafts of light that were seeping in through a partially obscured window high up on the wall. "Mulder, I have found the most incredible books here." Said Scully, enthusiastically. He picked up one volume, and wiped the dirt from its cover. "Torchy the Battery Boy." He said, reading the title, then added. "Incredible." She snatched the book away from him and put it back down on the table. "Mum loves books." She continued. "Especially 'old' books." "Well, then." Mulder said. "Looks like we've come to just the place alright." Scully wandered across to some brightly coloured large format books, that were resting untidily on an old wooden chair. She picked them up in both hands, allowing Mulder to quickly settle down in the chair. "So, what kind of books do *you* like, Scully?" He asked, leaning the chair back on its rear legs and resting the back against the bookshelf behind. "Spy thrillers? Ghost stories? Pathology Yearbook? ..." She shook her head with exasperation. Was it just her, or was Mulder being particularly insufferable today? "... Romance? ..." "Mulder." "Scully?" "You are *really* getting on my nerves." "Ah, you're just saying that." He reached behind him and plucked a book at random from the shelf. "Here, what about this one? ... Well, would you look at that." "What is it?" She stepped closer to see what he had found. Swiftly, he slipped the book behind his back. "Nah. Not your type of book." He shook his head. "It's for mum that I'm looking." She said, with irritation, reaching deliberately behind him to grab the book, leaning towards him to do so. "Why, Agent Scully. I didn't realise you felt this way. You should have said something sooner." She pulled back, the book now in her right hand, and scowled at him. "Another evening in with the video recorder last night, then?" Before he could answer, Scully held the book up and read off the title: "Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars." In disbelief, she turned the cover and read the flyleaf. "Another exciting adventure in time and space with Doctor Scully, Guardian of the Cosmos." "Sounds cool." Said Mulder, his face lit up by a childish grin. "Mulder. How did you do this?" Scully was smiling too. If it was a practical joke, and she didn't usually find his jokes all that funny, it was actually a pretty good one. "Well, I reached behind me, and ..." "Mulder." "... there it was ..." "Mulder!" "... right there. On the shelf." "Mulder !!!" "Scully." "This is very ... unexpected. Thank you." She sat down on an old wooden crate opposite him, and started turning pages. "Scully. I don't think you've got it quite right." Mulder started trying to explain that, in fact, he'd had nothing to do with putting the book there. That it really had happened exactly the way he'd told it. She giggled like a child, and started reading from the book. "Doctor Scully, all wrapped up in a long Edwardian coat and a flowing rainbow scarf, stepped outside her Time Ship. The stony escarpment fell away sharply beneath her, while, above, the Martian sun burned high in an orange-blue sky." Mulder leaned forward and peered over the top of the book. On the page she was reading, there was a colourful painting of a red-headed woman, swathed in a long coat and scarf, standing outside what looked like a passport photograph booth that was sitting on a ledge along the side of a grey stone slope. "Who did you get to draw this?" She asked, delightedly, turning the book so that he could see the picture. "Scully, I-" Seen the right way around, the picture was an uncanny likeness. She turned the book back and continued reading. "She pulled out her pocket watch, opened it, tut-tutted, then called back into the Time Ship for her errant travelling companion." Mulder had a really bad feeling about what was coming next. "Eventually, Billy Mulder stepped outside. The untidy schoolboy had his hands in his pockets, like always, and a long liquorice stick was dangling from his mouth." Mulder groaned. And the day had started so well. "Come on." Said Doctor Scully. "No time to lose. Places to go. People to see. Things to do." She set off at a brisk pace away from the Time Ship, and down towards the valley, where a cluster of small stone dwellings were sheltered beneath a circle of palm trees. Mulder straggled along behind her, the liquorice stick gradually disappearing into his mouth. The Martian sun was hot, and the air dry, but Doctor Scully continued onwards, ignoring the occasional whining from her young companion. In a matter of about twenty minutes or so, they reached the village. It seemed deserted. She licked her forefinger and held it up in the air in front of her, twisting it around and then pointing it to her left. "This way, I think." She said, turning to the right and setting off. Mulder followed behind her, still moaning under his breath. They crossed what seemed to be a small village square, with a fountain in the centre. Doctor Scully paused to dip the fingers of her right hand into the cool water. "Very curious." She said, after a moment's thought. "I don't see why." Mulder looked down at his own reflection in the clear water. "Because -" She replied, slapping him around the head several times with the end of her scarf. "- Mars is a totally arid world. It has no natural water." "What's this then?" Mulder responded, in a "gotcha" tone of voice. Before Doctor Scully could answer, she suddenly felt something very sharp pressing at her throat. She turned carefully, until she was face to face with the gigantic mouse-like creature. It jabbed her with the tip of the stone spear. "Hello." She said. "I'm the Doctor, and this is Mulder, we're -" "Be silent." Said the mouse-like creature, now joined by five other extremely large bipedal mouse-like creatures. "You have violated the sanctity of the settlement. For that you must be punished." "For that you must both DIE!" To be continued ... From adives@aol.com Mon Mar 16 17:33:34 1998 Subject: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars (2/2) From: adives@aol.com (ADIves) Date: 16 Mar 1998 22:33:34 GMT Title: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars (2/2) Author: Adrian.D.Ives E-Mail: ADIves@aol.com Rating: G Categories: Humour MSR Summary: Mulder has convinced Scully to let him help her choose a birthday present for her mother. In a strange old curio shop they make an amazing discovery. Spoilers: Absolutely none whatsoever Disclaimer: The X-Files, Mulder and Scully are the intellectual property of Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and Fox Television. Status: This story may be archived or forwarded (provided that the author is clearly identified) but may not be distributed for profit. * * * After "DawnBreak" here's something a whole lot lighter. I don't normally write this kind of thing. Please let me know what you think. * * * Previously in "Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars" ... Scully lets Mulder go along on a trip to choose a birthday present for her mother. They end up in a strange curio shop, where Dana frequently goes to find 'the most incredible books'. Mulder picks a book at random, and it turns out to be a children's science-fiction story. Scully thinks that Mulder has pulled an elaborate prank on her, but Mulder knows nothing about the odd book. Delighted, Scully starts reading about 'Doctor Scully', Guardian of the Cosmos, and her schoolboy assistant: Billy Mulder. It's not long before, on the planet Mars, the Doctor and Mulder are confronted by a band of evil mouse-like creatures who threaten to kill them for violating the 'sanctity of the settlement' ... * * * The X Files: Doctor Scully and the Mutant Mega-Mice from Mars (pt2) by Adrian.D.Ives Doctor Scully considered what the extremely large mouse-like creature had said. He, it, wasn't being very friendly at all. Not at all. Which was strange, for a mouse. She started raking through the deep pockets of her long coat. The mouse-like creatures eyed her suspiciously, as she started producing objects the total volume of which seemed to exceed the capacity of her pockets by at least a factor of ten. Firstly a yo-yo, then a garden spade, a porcelain bust of Queen Victoria, a video of the X Files ... Finally, she found what she was looking for. A crumpled brown paper bag which she rustled and held beneath the snout of the lead mouse-like creature. "Cheesy Puff?" She enquired, hopefully. Enraged, the mouse-like creature slapped the bag away with his forepaw, sending the contents scattering across the ground. Mulder eyed the cheese bulls sadly. "Well, I only asked." Said Doctor Scully. "... No need to get all touchy about it." She turned to Mulder. "Is there a need to get touchy about it?" Mulder shook his head with utter bewilderment, wondering how many more pages this story had left to run. "Be silent, Doctor." Said the mouse-like creature. "Lest your idle prattle lead to your premature downfall." "But I only asked if-" "SILENCE!" "Um, Scully." Mulder tugged at her sleeve. "I think you're really pissing him off, big time." Turning slightly towards him. "Aren't you supposed to be a little schoolboy in this story?" She asked, sotto voce. "I grew up." He mumbled. Then he looked down at the loose cheesy puffs again, and decided that it was probably going to be a lot less painful for him if he just kept his mouth shut. "You will come with us, Doctor." Said the mouse-like creature, turning towards the east. Towards the vast pyramid that rose out of the equally vast searing Martian desert. "To the Citadel of the Mega-Mice. There you will witness the great Mega-Mouse War Machine as it prepares for a final, and decisive, onslaught against the weak-willed Earthlings." Two of the mice took up posiions behind Doctor Scully and her assistant, and began prodding them in the back with the tips of their stone spears. Reluctantly, they began marching. And marching. And marching. It was a long march. By the time they reached the Citadel of the Mega-Mice, the Martian sun was dropping below the distant mountain peaks, and the only light came from the flickering of torches that lined the exterior walls of the massive stone structure. As they passed through the sweeping archway, into the diamond-shaped courtyard within, Doctor Scully looked up to the roof of the hollow pyramid. Suspended in a complex metal framework was a fantastic silver coloured spaceship, shaped like a torpedo, with four stubby fins at the base. "Behold." Said the lead Mega-Mouse. "Cast your eyes upon the zenith of Mega-Mouse civilisation. Look upon the Doom Star and know that, with it, we shall bring about the downfall of the Earth. And then, we shall be the masters. We ... shall ... reign ... SUPREME!" Doctor Scully yawned. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that we've all been up since dawn. Do you think we might have some hot chocolate before turning in?" The Mega-Mouse leant towards her, and stared hard into her face. "Have a care, Doctor. You are closer to your own demise than you know." "Er, Scully-" Said Mulder. "You know what, Mister Mega-Mouse." She said. "When you've met one raving psycopath, you've met them all." "Aaaaaaaaargh!!" The lead Mega-Mouse wailed with rage, waving his forepaws around frantically, saliva spraying from his snout. "In fact." Said Doctor Scully, reaching into her pocket. "I've got just one thing to say to you ..." The mouse looked down at her hand, as she withdrew a small glass vial filled with a clear liquid. She held it in front of his snout, then dropped it to the ground, quickly crushing it beneath her boot. "Arcturian Rodent Flu!" The mouse sniffed the air, and the tip of his nose twitched anxiously as he tried to place the sweet smell. Then he started sneezing. Harder and harder. Choking and coughing. Gagging. Spinning around in circles with steam coming out of his ears. Finally he exploded, and made an awful mess all over the courtyard. As Doctor Scully pulled Mulder along with her, back the way they had come, all of the mice were starting to sneeze and cough. And look very unwell indeed. "Double Strength." She added, as she passed a guard just reaching for his handkerchief. * * * Doctor Scully stood on the rocky escarpment one last time, and looked down at the crumbling Citadel of the Mega-Mice. Inside the passport photograph booth (cunningly disguised as a Time Ship), Mulder was raiding the sweet jar again. "Ah, well." She said, swinging her scarf over her shoulder, and stepping into the booth. "Time to be on our way ... Mulder! Put that down!" "With a slow sucking and wheezing sound, the Time Ship faded away." Scully raised her voice, excitedly, as if she were doing the voiceover for a cinema trailer for an upcoming film. "Heading towards another fantastic adventure for Doctor Scully, Guardian of the Cosmos." She closed the book and rested it across her knees. "So, um, do you think your mum's going to like it?" Mulder asked. "Well, it's probably not quite her kind of thing." Scully admitted. "Mulder, I want to thank you for this. It's been really ... different." "Scully, there's something you should know." Mulder was considering a number of possible courses of action, including a straightforward distortion of the truth. But then he chastised himself for that last thought. "What?" She asked. "Well, it's just that-" She drew herself closer to him, reaching out to touch his hand. "Yes?" "Um, well-" He was sure that she was just about to kiss him, when the old man whipped the curtain back. Scully diplomatically reached past Mulder, to the shelf behind him, and took down another book. "Did you find what you wanted?" The old man asked, a knowing glint in his eye. Mulder's voice was a little hoarse when he replied for both of them. "Very ... interesting ... selection of books that you have here Mr..." "- Jack." Scully added, helpfully, resting her arm on Mulder's shoulder. "I'm so glad you like them." Said the old man. "So many people do you know. And, as I always say, you can't beat a really good read." "Absolutely." Said Mulder, loosening his collar. "Completely." Scully added, straightening up. "We'll take this one." Said Mulder. Pointing to the strange book. "Very good, Sir." Said Jack, with a knowing glint in his eye. * * * Outside, the day was drawing to a close, and the shoppers were thinning out. The air was cooler now. Calmer. Scully eagerly removed the brown paper wrapping, to take another look at the book that had just cost them nine ninety-nine. "Oh." She exclaimed. "What is it?" She handed it to him. "Fly Fishing by J.R.Hartley." Mulder read from the front cover. "Uh ... He must have given us the wrong book." Mulder turned back to the shop, but the old man had just hung the 'Closed' sign in the window. "Fly Fishing." Said Mulder, again, unenthusiastically. He was starting to feel very depressed. "You know what, Scully. I think we've been had." "Not yet." She said, with a smile. - END -