From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 11 Aug 2004 16:31:03 -0000
Subject: Don\'t Do That (PG-13) 1/1 by Katie Phillips
Source: direct

Reply To: xfstories@yahoo.com


Don't Do That
By Katie Phillips
January 2004

Disclaimer Info:  I know, I know, they don't belong to 
me.
Rating:  PG-13 for adult situations
Feedback:  Makes my day: xfstories@yahoo.com
Archive:  If you want to, go right ahead just let me 
know where.
Summary:  This story is in response to a reader's 
challenge on the BeyondtheSea list.  Blame them, not me 
if this story makes little sense.
Author's Notes:  This has to be one of the silliest 
pieces I have ever written.  So silly, in fact, that I 
didn't bother to have anyone beta it for me.  Forgive me 
and forgive any blatant mistakes you stumble upon.
A special note to Sallie and the rest of the gang:  When 
I read the elements to be included in this story (list 
is included at the end of the story), I interpreted the 
word 'that' in a slightly different way than Sallie had 
anticipated.  Forgive me Sallie. 

============

Scully opened up the car door and slid on to the seat.  
She didn't bother to greet her partner.  "What's so 
important that you have to drag me away from my laundry 
and over to the Gunmen's place?"

Mulder shot her a quick smile.  "They think they've 
stumbled onto a major plot to spread an infectious virus 
to the masses."

"Again?"  

Mulder chuckled at her whining.  "Come on Scully, this 
will be more entertaining than doing laundry."

"That may very well be,  but I'm still out of clean 
underwear."  

"You can go without Scully, it won't bother me.  
Really."

Scully stifled a smile and glared at him.  "Aren't you 
the comedian today?"  She took a deep breath as if 
resigning herself to the fact that she was stuck with 
Mulder and the Gunmen and, most likely, a large stack of 
dirty clothes.  "Are you going to tell me about this 
deadly plot of yours Mulder?"

Mulder smiled at her again.  "Not mine, theirs. The 
Gunmen stumbled onto some information indicating that a 
virus is going to be transmitted during Mardi Gras in 
New Orleans."

"Mardi Gras?"  

"You know, Fat Tuesday...big parade...lots of beads and 
coins being thrown to the crowd..."

Scully cut him off.  "I'm familiar with the holiday 
Mulder."  Her voice reflected her opinion on this 
particular theory.  "How is the virus going to be 
spread?"

Mulder pulled into a parking spot and turned off the 
car.  "Langley wasn't comfortable talking about it over 
the phone.  I'm sure they'll explain it all in great 
detail as soon as we walk in the door."

"Great." Scully said with very little enthusiasm.

Mulder and Scully were greeted by Langley and Byers.  
Both immediately noticed the absence of Frohike.   

"Where's Scully's boyfriend?"  Mulder asked jumping out 
of the way of Scully's elbow as she tried to poke him.

"In his room.  He's installing his new bed-risers."

"Bed-risers?"  Mulder looked at Scully who simply 
shrugged.

Langley looked at Byers who answered.  "Frohike thinks 
that by raising the head of the bed, he will sleep 
better...or something like that."

"Think he would mind if we checked it out?"  Mulder had 
never seen bed-risers and was curious about how they 
worked.

"I don't see why not."  Langley gestured for Mulder and 
Scully to follow him as he walked down the hallway.  He 
paused for a second to knock on the closed door before 
opening it.

"Hey Frohike, Mulder wants to check out your newest 
gimmick."  Langley walked in the room followed close 
behind by the other three.  They had obviously surprised 
Frohike who had jumped to attention looking like a kid 
who had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.  As he 
jumped from the bed a large folder fell emptying it 
contents all over the floor.

Everyone stood and stared at the several dozen candid 
photos of Scully.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as everyone 
exchanged glances. Mulder finally spoke.  "Frohike, tell 
me you weren't doing 'that' in here?"

"That?"  Scully said looking totally confused.  She 
looked at Mulder, the pictures and then the red-faced 
Frohike.  Langley and Byers were staring at their shoes 
with keen interest as Scully slowly put two and two 
together.

She turned and looked at Frohike.  "Would you care to 
tell me what you were doing in here with a rather large 
assortment of pictures of me?"

"Not particularly."  Frohike's voice sounded like he had 
sucked in the air of several helium balloons.

Scully scowled at him and stormed out of the room. 
Mulder turned to Frohike, trying very hard not to laugh.  
"You didn't really do 'that', did you Frohike?"  Frohike 
nodded, trying to ignore the snickers coming from 
Langley and Byers.

"Ah, well... I guess we're going now...we can discuss 
Mardi Gras later."  Mulder shook his head and went out 
to find his partner.

Mulder found her sitting on the curb next to the car, 
her head in her hands.  Her body was shaking.  She 
appeared to be crying.

"Hey."  He said softly plopping himself down next to 
her.  "It's okay Scully."  He put his arms around her 
and drew her close.  She quickly transferred her head 
from her hands to his chest.  They stayed like that for 
a moment or two until it occurred to Mulder that she 
wasn't crying, she was laughing.  He pushed back a bit 
so he could see her face.

"I'm sorry Mulder."  Scully snorted as she tried 
desperately to gain control of herself.  "I started 
thinking about Frohike lying there holding his...doing 
'that'...and I lost it."  Another wave of giggles washed 
over her as she dabbed at the tears rolling down her 
cheeks.  "I know I should feel flattered...but I don't 
want to picture it..."  She leaned her forehead on his 
chest and Mulder felt the occasional tear hit his t-
shirt.

Scully was still breathing deeply but the laughter had 
pretty much subsided.  "You know if he was attractive in 
any way to me, I might be tempted to help him out."  
Mulder's eyes popped open at her comment.  Mulder gulped 
as the image of Scully 'helping out' jumped into his 
head.  He sighed in relief when it appeared that she 
hadn't noticed the brief stirrings from the general area 
of his lap.

"Mulder?"  Her head was still on him and she addressed 
her question to his chest.  "Do you think Casey's is 
open yet?  I could really use a beer."

Mulder pulled back and got up wiping the dirt off the 
seat of his jeans before extending a hand to Scully.  
After he hoisted her up, Mulder caught her looking at 
him as if she had never really seen him before.

"Mulder," she began barely above a whisper "you never 
thought of me like that, have you?"  She glanced down 
and looked at their hands still joined.  Mulder noticed 
her glance and let go.

He then opened his mouth and closed it, twice, not sure 
how to answer.  Scully was often in his thoughts when he 
sought manual release of his desire for her, but thanks 
to his memory, no pictures were necessary.  Still not 
knowing how to answer her question, he avoided it.

"Come on Scully, the first beer is on me."  He didn't 
notice the small smile that crept over Scully's face as 
she got into the car.  Maybe Mulder would find out for 
himself the true extent of her laundry crisis.

End of story.

Author's notes.  I told you it was a pretty silly story.  
I hoped you liked it anyway.  The elements I needed to 
include were:

'that'
Mardi Gras
Bed risers
Frohike getting caught with candid photos of Scully
Helium Balloon