From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2000 17:25:38 -0600
Subject: Don\'t leave by Michel
Source: direct

Reply To: michel_n@hotmail.com


Don't leave
By Michel
E-mail address: michel_n@hotmail.com

Rating: PG
Category: SRA
Spoilers: Urm... a tiny one from Tooms...
Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance

Summary: Yet another one "Scully's leaving" story,
so put up with me... ;o)

Disclaimer: If they were mine, Fowley would have 
died way before Amor Fati...
Feedback: AAAWWW!! Come oooon.... Pleeaaaaseeee...
 michel_n@hotmail.com ThanX! ;o)


She was still in a haze. Telling her mother had been difficult, but 
she had understood, and Scully was sure that was mostly because 
in her heart, she had always wanted her to stop risking her life. 
Telling Skinner was different. He had''t accepted her refusal until 
he had realised how serious she was. He had been confused, and 
had asked her for explanations about a hundred of times, but at 
last, he had given up, and wished her luck, reminding her she 
could come back whenever she wanted. Well, duh.

And now she would have to tell Mulder. Partner, I'm leaving you. 
But don't take this as something personal. I would love to continue 
working with you, but I'm leaving anyway. Yeah, sure.

It was not like that, and she new it. She knew it because she had 
replayed the facts once and again in her head for the past two 
days.
CSM had been in her apartment when she had arrived home on 
Friday night. She had instinctively pointed her gun at him, but he 
was aiming her as well.   He had gone there to offer her something. 
She would leave Mulder and the X-Files, and he wouldn't hurt 
anyone. She had almost laughed at that point, but the bastard had 
an answer for each of her questions: Why would she do what he 
wanted? Because let's say that he knew where her family and 
friends lived. Why she? Because Mulder would never leave, and 
he'd be more hazardous dead than alive, and even more if she was 
the dead one, but They trusted that if she was not with him 
anymore, he would not be as interested and dangerous. Why now? 
Because the Time was near. Yeah, with capital letters. But she 
wouldn't have  to worry, They didn't want anyone to get 
suspicious, so she could resume her teaching role in Quantico. 
Everything was fucking wonderfully thought.

The only question that had been still unanswered in her mind after 
CSM had left was why on hearth had she accepted. She already 
had the answer: because enough was enough. She had seen her 
sister die because of her. She had seen Deep Throat and Pendrell 
die because of the X-Files. Hell, she had even seen Quequeg  
being eaten by a sea monster. And she was sick of it. So she had 
accepted, thinking it was better to work in something she didn't 
like than... She was not ready to see anyone else who she cared for 
getting hurt. Not her family, not Mulder.

Mulder. He wouldn't be as "easy" to convince as her mother and 
Skinner had been. He would want the truth. And she couldn't give 
him that. No, because he would not accept it, and he would do 
something that was not in hers and her smoker friend's plan. He had 
made that point be quite clear to her.  

So it was up to her the way to tell him. And it was going to hurt. 

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

When she entered the basement on Monday, Mulder was already 
there.

"Hey, Scully. How was your weekend? Any hot dates?"

Damn him for being cheerful just that day.

"Mulder, I need to talk to you."

His face grew serious when he heard the tone of her voice.

"Shoot."

"I don't know how to say this... It's just that... I..."

"Scully, what's wrong?" he approached her, concern clear in his 
face.

"Mulder, I'm leaving."

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I'm quitting. I'm going back to teach in Quantico." 

Mulder opened his mouth, but no sound emerged from it. He took 
a step back, and  tried again.

"W-What? Why?" his face was a perfect match between pain and 
confusion.

"I... I have to, Mulder. Don't do this more difficult than it 
already 
is, please."

"What do you mean you have to? I-I don't understand it, Scully. 
I though we were ok, you told me you wanted to stay. What has 
happened? Have I done something wrong?"

Jesus, that was the last thing she wanted him to think. She looked 
at the floor, finding it suddenly interesting.

"No. No, Mulder. This has nothing to do with you. I just have to."

"It has everything to do with me! How can you say that? I though 
you cared a bit about the X-Files, and now you leave without a 
reason! I don't understand it."

"And I do care. But I have to go!"

"Why?!" he shouted.

"Because, Mulder. Just because."

Mulder just stared at her. He hadn't felt that defeated in his 
entire 
life.  

"Well, then I think that's about it." He said softly, and left the 
room, closing the door after him .Scully was left there, in the 
verge 
to tears.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

His phone started ringing once more, the third in the last 
twenty minutes, but he wouldn't bother to pick it up. He knew 
it was Scully, and he didn't feel like talking to her. 
Now that was an understatement. The one of the year.

Bingo. This time, she left a message: "Mulder, I-I... I guess 
you're there, but don't want to pick up... I just wanted to say 
that... I'm sorry." And she hung up. He felt a stab in the 
back.

He had been lying on his couch for hours, thinking, and 
pondering why had she done what she had done. Not that he 
hadn't been prepared from something like that. He had been 
wondering for years why did a woman like her continue putting 
up with a jerk like himself. And waiting for her to tell him 
she had got tired of him, and that she was leaving him. He had 
been ready to accept that. He could even accept that now, even 
if they had the X-Files back, and things between them were 
going great.

What he couldn't accept was the lack of an explanation. Scully, 
who always wanted a scientific explanation for everything,  had 
decided to leave what had been their life for the last six 
years, "just because". Great. Very fitting.

But, after a while debating with himself, he had decided that she 
deserved to be 
respected, whatever her reasons were, and whatever it did to him.
She deserved to be happy. 
He didn't know what he was going to do from then on without 
her, but if that was what she wanted, he was not going to be 
the one to stop her. He had had success before, but when he had 
tried this time, he had failed.

So he sighed and readied himself for whatever was to come.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Mulder opened the basement door quietly as he spotted his 
partner (former partner, he thought with a shiver) collecting her 
belongings. 
It's funny how, after six years, everything could be put into a 
box. 

He coughed to make her realise of his presence. She looked up 
at him nervously. He noticed she didn't know how he would act 
towards her after her goodbye. Either did he.

"I'm almost finished, don't worry."

"Can I help you? Maybe to take it to your car or something?" 
Anything to keep you here...

She managed a little smile, relieved at his kindness. At least 
he was not furious. It had been a hell of a  sleepless night 
for her.

"No, thanks. I think I'll be able to do it. After all, I'm an 
FBI agent, remember?"

He nodded, and looked at her as she put the rest of her things 
into the box. Then she took her coat, the box, and turned to 
face him.

"I didn't know a transfer was this fast."

"Yes, well, I guess they wanted you all for themselves as soon 
as possible." she attempted a bit of humour.

They stood facing each other awkwardly for a couple of minutes, 
until Scully finally took a step back towards the door.

"Well, Mulder, I have to get going. I still have a lot of-"

"This is it, uh?" he interrupted her sadly. She bit her lower lip.

"I'm not leaving the country, Mulder. We'll keep in touch."

"Yes. Yes, of course." he whispered, and nodded, not really 
believing it, but wanting to reassure her.

"Well, see you soon, then." she took another step back, eager 
to leave before her voice began to tremble, and thanking him 
mentally for not being mad at her, at least externally.

"Sure. Good luck. Keep me informed."

"Yes. And I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I understand it. I only wonder what took you so 
long." 

"Why do you say that?" she asked, feeling even worse.

"Nothing, Scully. Really, go now. I'll phone you."

She nodded and left, but she knew he wouldn't call.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Quantico was not that bad.

Or that was the mantra she had been repeating herself for the last 
week. 
She would never had thought she would say so, but she missed the 
aliens, the conspiracies, the flukemen, and even the Gunmen.
But most of all, she missed Mulder.

She had tried to phone him twice that week, to tell him she was 
doing fine and to talk to him. To try to make things better. Their 
goodbye had been polite, but she knew they were not okay, to say 
the least.
Anyway, he hadn't picked up the phone. She wanted to think he 
hadn't been at home, even if she had tried to phone him once at 
1am. But who was she kidding? She knew she had hurt him, but it had 
not been something she had decided. She would never had done it on 
purpose. Although he didn't know it.

She decided to stop chastising herself, and went out for a walk.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

He had been through all the phases: anger, confusion, more anger, 
and now he just felt miserable. A psychiatrist would have been 
happy with him.

It had been a hell of a week without her. He had known it would be, 
but it had been worse when he had experienced it. 

He had wanted to call her badly, but he hadn't done it, knowing she 
wouldn't give him the answer he needed. She had phoned him, indeed, 
and he had felt glad she still remembered his number, but hadn't 
pick up the phone. He was a jerk, and he knew it. That was a step 
ahead, wasn't it?

So there he was, in "their bench" in the reflecting pool. When had 
he started reclaiming it as theirs? He didn't know. He didn't care.

"Is this seat taken?" a familiar voice said beside him. He didn't 
look up, and merely shook his head, glad that she was there.

"No, but I must warn you I'm in quite a mood tonight."

"That makes two." she answered, sitting down beside him. She had 
walked there hoping she would find him. But now that she had, she 
didn't know what to say, so they just sat there in an uncomfortable 
silence until Mulder spoke again.

"So how are things going?"

"Great, thank you. I'm enjoying it" she lied. "What about you?"

"Well, you know, the  usual stuff" he shrugged. "I arrested 
Chupacabra last night."

She smiled, and noticed not for the first time how much she liked 
all those stupid jokes.

"Good to know. But I'm sure there's a scientific explanation."

Then it was his time to smile sadly, and to speak without thinking.

"I've missed you."

She was taken aback by his sudden sincerity, and looked at him, who 
seemed to find the dirt in the floor extremely interesting.

"Me too." she sighed. "Maybe we could go eat something sometime, 
or-"

"Scully... Don't" he interrupted her, not wanting to behave like 
polite estrangers. She nodded, knowing what he meant, knowing that 
it wouldn't work, but feeling hurt nonetheless.

"Besides" he continued "I'm going into field tomorrow. In fact..." 
he hesitated. "I wanted to ask you a last favour."

"What? I thought you had caught the Chupacabra" her humour attempt 
fell flat.

"I have a trade that I am going to follow. The colonisation time is 
near, and this might be my-our last chance."

The world fell to her feet, and her face saddened even more, if 
that was possible.

"Mulder, I can't."

"I know, Scully, you have a new work and all, but I promise you 
this will be the last thing I'll ever ask you for. Please."

"I-I can't." 

"Okay." his anger seemed to return, and he started to get up. 
Scully stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Mulder, please. You shouldn't go either." she knew CSM would try 
to kill him this time if he interfered their plans.

"What?" he looked at her with disbelief.

"Trust me, don't go. I can't tell you why, but..."

"Let me see if I have understood it, Scully." he said 
sarcastically. "Not only you are not going to come with me, if not 
for me, for six years of work, but you even dare to ask me to not 
to go by myself? Gee, of course. I won't go. What are you doing on 
Saturday night.?"

She winced at the bitterness in his voice. "Mulder-"

"No. Stop that. It's enough. it's my life, and I am going to go. 
It's okay if you don't want to have anything else to do with me. 
I'll survive."

"Mulder, you can't go." she raised her voice, desperately trying 
to make him understand.

"WHY NOT?!" he was practically yelling at that point.

"Because They will kill you! Because I made a deal, and if you 
break it, someone will be hurt!"

He gaped at her, unable to say anything. She regretted to have said 
way too much, but she didn't know how else to convince him. He 
opened his mouth several times, and he finally seemed to recover 
his voice.

"You did what?"

"You heard me. Cancerman came to me, and I had to agree to leave you 
and the X-Files so that he wouldn't hurt us, or my family, or..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he was too shocked to do anything but 
whisper.

"Because he told me to not to. He thought you would do something to 
stop it, and he was right. You would not have accepted it."

He was silent for a few seconds, and then got up and looked down at 
her.

"I would have stopped if you had asked me."

"Come on, Mulder. This is your work we are talking about. We both 
know nothing would have stopped you." 

"You would. The only thing that would make me leave the X-Files is 
you." he said softly, turned, and left, leaving a dumbfounded 
Scully behind him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

She hadn't tried to phone him again. She had too many things to 
think about. What he had said had been... tantalising, in some 
ways. Because she knew he had felt hurt once again because she 
hadn't trusted him enough to tell him the truth. But then again, 
she didn't know he cared that much about her. She did know he cared 
about her, she was not dumb, but not that way.
What way? She hoped it was the same way she cared about him. Not 
fraternally. Far away from that.

The phone started ringing, and she answered, just to hear Skinner 
telling her that Mulder was in the hospital. She grabbed her keys 
and left.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

As she approached his room, she felt more and more furious. She had 
been informed by Skinner that he was ok, he had only a few bruises 
and a broken arm. So now all she wanted to do was kill him: He had 
followed that trade. Award for the Stupid Of The Year: Spooky 
Mulder. Yay. She opened the door and let herself in.

Mulder was finishing buttoning his shirt, ready to leave the 
hospital. His left arm was bandaged with stucco, and he had a cut 
over his right eyebrow, but  otherwise he seemed healthy. 
He  turned to look 
at her, and smiled slightly. The smile faded when he saw her face.

"Hey." he tried.

"Thank you, Mulder. Now I know when to believe you."

"May I know what the hell are you talking about?" he was genuinely 
confused.

"You did it, didn't you?" He knew instantly what she was talking 
about, and felt his own anger rising.

"Yeah, well, now that you are asking, yes. I did."

"You told me you wouldn't do it if I asked you."

"But you didn't ask me." he said. She clenched her teeth.

"You selfish bastard." she mumbled, as she turned and approached to 
the door.

Mulder cursed himself mentally. He had not followed the trade, but 
he had been mad at her for believing so without even ask him why he 
was on the hospital, and had wanted her to feel bad too. Childlike? 
Sure.
He reached for her as she swung the door open.

"Scully." she didn't turn to face him. "I didn't do it."

This time, she turned and looked at him.

"Yes, well... Sorry about that. But I didn't do it."

"Then how did you..." she said, pointing to his arm.

"I have made my own deal."

"What?"

"You can come back. To work, I mean. There's no danger." he 
smiled.

"Wh-what? But how?" it was too good to be true.

"I talked to the bastard, and we make a deal. We are safe, and so 
is your family. You can go back whenever you want. And *if* you 
want."

"Of-of course I want to, but... what did you...? Did you offer him 
anything? Because you shouldn't-"

"Don't ask, ok?" he grinned. "It was no big deal, so don't ask. 
Just be happy it's over."

She grinned too, and they looked at each other, until Mulder hugged 
her, and she returned the hug.

"Thank you." she mumbled against his chest.

"For what?"

"For whatever you have done. For everything."

He broke the hug and smiled down at her, caressing her hair with 
his uninjured hand. Without thinking, he bent down slightly, and 
she put her head up until their lips were inches apart.

Then the door was opened by the lone Gunmen. The jumped apart, 
embarrassed.

"This is becoming ridiculous." Mulder stated, remembering some 
incident with a bee, months before.

The Gunmen just stared at them with huge eyes. Scully squeezed 
Mulder's arm.

"I'm going to go, now that I see you are ok."

"Sorry." he whispered, unsure about what to say or make out of what 
had almost happened. She nodded and left the room.

"Well, what the hell was all that about?" Langly asked him.

"What?" he played fool.

"Mulder, we all saw it." Frohike retorted.

"I don't know what you are talking about, guys." he said, blushing 
and leaving the room.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was Monday. A gorgeous Monday. He was back to work, and Scully 
was coming back that morning.
Beyond gorgeous. 
Brilliant.
Wonderful. 
Terrifying. He had decided to try to take their relationship to a 
new level, and the thought of it scared the hell out of him.

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound the door. He looked 
at Scully, who smiled shyly at him.

"Morning."

"Hey there." he grinned.

They looked at each other awkwardly for  a few minutes.

"I'm glad you are back." Mulder stated.

"I'm glad to be back." she answered.

"I-We----We were about to... you know... in the hospital..." he was 
nervous. Yeah, sure. Just a little bit. Ha.

""Yeah... we were..." she was too.

"And.. what-? Do you-? Hell!" he didn't know where to start. he 
relaxed a bit when he saw he smiled wider at his dullness. "Scully, 
I don't regret it, and I want to know if I'm jumping into the fire 
alone." There, he had said it.

"No, you are not jumping alone." she answered, melted at his 
honesty. He managed to stop himself from jumping in joy, and went 
behind his desk.

"In that case, I have a present for you." she looked at him 
quizzically. He gave her a can of Iced Tea. She chuckled and hugged 
him.

"Me too" she said, looking up at him and kissing him.


THE END.;)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It sucked, uh? So let me know! michel_n@hotmail.com

"Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is ti something worse?"
Bruce Springsteen, The River.