From: Nynaeve Date: 2 Jan 2000 17:15:08 -0800 Subject: NEW: Don't Turn Away This Time (1/1) by Rhasa From: "Nynaeve" I am posting for a friend whose computer refuses to post fiction for her! But I'd be happy to do it anyway - this is a great story. Please send feedback to: Rhasa4@yahoo.com TITLE: Don't Turn Away This Time AUTHOR: Rhasa CATEGORY: MSR, V KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully angst RATING: PG-13 SPOILERS: Very brief mention of season 3 SUMMARY: A horror case, a choice, and Mulder and Scully find themselves somewhere where they have never been before. COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: The following characters are the creation and possession of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the FOX network. They are used without permission with much gratitude and respect. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this story. ARCHIVE: O.K to archive anywhere as long as you ask me first, don't earn a dime from it and keep my name and disclaimer on it. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This little piece has been hidden in the bowels of my computer for 2 yrs. Way before FTF, and seasons 6 and 7. And of course there is no way you would be reading this now if it wasn't for the incredible Nynaeve who writes fanfic which according to some "are almost like reading poetry in paragraph form". Check out her stories (and particular my favourite, her Faith Series) at http://members.xoom.com/Nynaeve1723/index.html All comments to Rhasa4@yahoo.com. Discussions on what "drives" our two most favourite characters are welcome (you'll know what I mean by then end of this piece). Don't Turn Away This Time by Rhasa "Oh, Scully" Mulder sobbed as he buried his face in her chest. Her arms came up to embrace him tightly, her hands clasped behind his head. His sobs came fast and heavy as Scully fought for her own emotional control. She comforted him as a parent would a distraught child, gently stroking his hair and making soft noises. "Shhhhhh. Mulder. It's ok. It's going to be o.k." She had begun a soothing rocking motion, which only made him clutch her tighter. She was trying to be strong for his sake. She was trying to hold herself together, but seeing him like this was tearing at her heart, making her body ache and her eyes sting. She sighed deeply, and placed a small kiss in his hair. "I tried, Scully. I tried, if I hadn't-" She clutched him even tighter trying to silence the self condemning speech that she knew was coming. "Shhh. It's not your fault Mulder. You did everything you could." He began a fresh burst of sobs at those words, shaking his head slightly, rubbing it against her chest, letting her know he didn't agree with her reasoning. Scully felt the first tear fall as she shut her eyes tight. She knew she was losing this battle. It was too much for her. Too much for him. He had finally reached his breaking point and this time cully doubted that even she was enough to save him. He had reached out to her before. After the Roche case, she had gently reassured him, supported him and in a professional kind of way, comforted him. Then again after Lucy Householder had died she had been there, sat with him, had taken him home and he had thanked her for her silent presence. But this time was different. She was afraid for him. She had known that he was no stranger to pain. His life was defined by it. But no matter how hard it all became he had always pulled through, on his own. What she didn't know was that he probably would not have pulled through some of the horrors he had lived during the past few years if it hadn't been for her. She had no idea that he had come so close on more than a few occasions to putting his service revolver to his head or in his mouth, only to stop himself with nothing more than the image of her face in his head. She hadn't thought about that before, but the thought flashed through her mind now. She cursed Mason, the monster that had done this to him, to them. She now knew that no matter what Mulder did he was damned by the events that that twisted psychopath had put into effect. He was dealt nothing but a losing hand with no way to win. It was a bad case from the start and had ended worse than anyone could have imagined. He had to choose between saving Scully and a 12 yr old girl who now lay dead and mutilated. He thought he could save both. He thought he could get to the girl in time. He was wrong and he had lost. Scully knew he couldn't forgive himself for this. "Mason knew you couldn't save both of us, Mulder," she said, trying the logical approach in comforting him. "He was trying to get to you. This was exactly what he wanted. She was already dead, Mulder." "But I didn't know that." His voice was muffled up against her suit. "I still made a choice Scully." He drew away from her then, back far enough to look into her eyes. His face was haggard and in agony, his eyes were swollen from crying, his cheeks wet with the tracks of his tears. "I chose you, Scully." As Scully looked into his eyes, she saw raw pain and something else. "Are you sorry that you made that choice, Mulder?" she asked. "No!" he said, as he reached to grab her hand. "Never." He almost hissed the words. "I just never want to have to make a choice like that ever again." She nodded. She knew what he meant. He wasn't sorry that he had chosen to go after her before he went to the girl. It was an impossible choice. He was sorry that he had ever got himself into that situation. He should never have bought into Mason's sick game. "I should never have -" "Sshh," Scully stopped him, this time by placing her fingers over his lips. She could feel their warmth beneath her tips. She could feel his breath on her face, as she stared into in his eyes. In that moment she wanted to spare him. Spare him from his pain, the pain that was gripping his soul. Mulder watched her closely as he drew towards her. He noticed that she wasn't moving away from him. His heart was beating wildly as she dropped her gaze from his eyes to his lips. At their first touch he heard her gasp. She was hesitant, but she did not stop him. He pressed his mouth harder to hers and snaked his arms around and up her back crushing her frame to his. This kiss was demanding and brutal, but she wasn't afraid. She knew that allowing him to kiss her this way was helping him to purge himself of the guilt that was consuming him; and a part of her wanted - needed - this too. He forced his tongue against her lips, which she parted to accept him. He moaned when he entered her mouth. His tongue danced wildly with hers, seeking out every inch of her, as his hands clawed at her body, devouring her. While it was quite possibly the most intense kiss she had ever had, Scully kept a small part of herself distanced from what was happening. she thought. . That's why she didn't stop him. That's why she didn't turn away this time. THE END Yeah, I know, Scully probably wouldn't react like that, but I thought it was a good idea at the time. And would Mulder ever really act with such desperation?? Drop me a line to debate the point. Rhasa4@yahoo.com