From: Sue Hoffman Date: Sun, 9 May 2004 23:41:12 -0700 (PDT) Subject: Donuts, Noses, and Feet by thefreakyone Source: direct Donuts, Feet, and Noses Disclaimer: I don't own Them. A bunch of Important People (who will be referred to as IP's from here on out) do. IP's, please don't sue me. All I have are DVD's and if you took those away you'd be responsible for my suicide. I also do not own Krispy Kreme Donuts. Don't sue me for that, either. And luckily, I don't own the Teletubbies, either. God help the sick minds who do. Mulder walked down the hall of the Hoover Building to the brand-new Krispy Kreme Donut Machine. He was at work early, as usual. He wanted to get donuts for him and Scully before everyone else came and took them all. He put in $2.00 and the machine immediately started working. Within a few minutes, two donuts were sitting in front of them. The little red light next to the "Hot: Do Not Touch" sign was on, but Mulder disregarded it, picking up the steaming hot donuts with his bare hands. It burned. With a girly scream, Mulder put the donuts back down. Scully had just walked in and saw all of this. She immediately rushed over to him, anti-burn medicine filled syringe in one hand and ice wrapped in a blindfold in the other. She quickly injected him with the anti-burn medicine and put the ice-in-a-blindfold on his hands. While he was still in too much pain to know what she was doing, Scully kissed Mulder's nose. She felt positively scandalous taking advantage of him like that. It was thrilling. "Thanks, Scully," Mulder said gratefully, "I bought you a donut." Scully considered. She hated donuts; they were so greasy, hot, and disgusting. They reminded her if Kryceck. But Mulder had sacrificed so much to get her the donut, she couldn't let him down now. "Thanks, Mulder," she forced out. They walked back to the office. After she had finished eating her Krispy Kreme Donut, Scully excused herself to the bathroom and puked. She brushed her teeth with the toothbrush she always kept there just in case she stayed at work too late, then walked back out indifferently. She really, really hated donuts. They spent the rest of the day doing paperwork. When he got bored, Mulder turned on the TV that he usually used to watch porn. Teletubbies was on. Mulder tried changing the channel, but the rest of the channels were fuzzies. He tried the Dirty Fuzzy channel, but Dirty Fuzzies didn't come on until late at night. During the daytime it was just regular TV. But at night, Dirty Fuzzies came on, and sometimes they were so clear Mulder could even jack off to him. But it wasn't late at night, so he settled for Teletubbies. A "sun" with a baby's face in the middle of it suddenly appeared on the screen. Seeing the baby reminded him that Scully could never have children, and that made him mad. Mulder threw his shoe at the baby, wishing he could be throwing it at Cancerman, or Duanne Barry, or Diana instead. The baby came on again, and Mulder threw his other shoe at the little bastard. He hadn't been wearing any socks that day and was now barefoot. Scully raised her eyebrow and them and plugged her nose. His feet smelled bad. Mulder was embarrassed and put his shoes back on. When Teletubbies was over, he went back to doing paperwork with Scully. He hated paperwork, but it had to be done. At 6:00, just as the sun was setting, Scully decided to go home. She wanted to go home and read the monthly Medical Journal, eat a tofutti rice dreamcicle, take a nice warm bubble bath, then go to sleep. She left Mulder to finish his paperwork. As she drove home, Scully developed a great hate for sunsets. Under other circumstances, it would have been almost as pretty as Mulder, but Scully was trying to drive, and the sun was intent on shining in her eyes. She hated the sun almost as much as she hated donuts. And she hated donuts. When she got home, Scully decided to multi-task so that she could go to bed early. She took her tofutti rice dreamcicle and Medical Journal into the bathroom, drew her bath, and ate, read, and soaked all at once. When she was done, Scully went to bed, exhausted. It had been a long day of paperwork. A long, satisfying day. With the thrill of kissing Mulder's nose added to the excitement of her bath, the day had been perfect. She wished it would never end. If it hadn't been for the donut, it would have been the best day of her life. Notes: I don't know how Krispy Kreme Donut Machines work. I don't know why the FBI bought one. I don't know why the Teletubbies were on or why Mulder's TV only had one channel. I don't know why Scully was so thrilled about kissing Mulder's nose or why her bath was so exciting (shut up, all you perverts. She was reading a Medical Journal). All I know is the muse told me to do it, and I was required to obey. Feedback: I'll give you a cookie if you give me an email. XtheXfreakyXoneX@aol.com This story was a response to Maggie's Challenge at I Want To Believe. The required elements were: A Krispy Kreme Donut Machine A syringe A blindfold Bare feet A sunset A blindfold and a kiss on the nose. Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a story involving a blindfold, a sunset, and a kiss without making it either incredibly lame or smut? It's hard.