From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 1 Jan 2003 21:14:51 -0000
Subject: Doorways by allimarie
Source: direct

Reply To: cadenzathequarterhorse@yahoo.com



Title: Doorways
Author: allimarie
Rating: G
Category: V
Spoilers: The Truth, all things
Keywords:  mid-ep, MSR
Summary: Mulder takes a moment to consider his good fortune

Disclaimer: not mine, never were, unlike scully to mulder.  and 
the only profit I get from this is peace of mind from letting out 
these scenes and ideas which plague me!  :D

Feedback: oh please oh please oh please!!  I know it is not 
flattering to beg, but see how I do it anyway?
cadenzathequarterhorse@yahoo.com

Archive:  sure, just let me know

Author's Notes: As always, I dedicate this to my Pocas and all 
my other terrific friends i have made through fandom.  Especially
grateful to Mer, who took a moment to read this when I had 
finished, and said that she liked it!  This is written because
I have always adored this scene and felt exactly this way about
it, so I had to share!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mulder really had to pee.  He had been driving all night, in a 
scurried flight from the past.  He was running, not from but 
towards.  Long ago he had recognized that each door he passed 
through was slammed shut and locked at his heels.  For him, there 
was no going back and he had very little to lose.

Pulling off to the side of the road, that last thought lingered 
and Mulder reconsidered.  What did he ever have in the first place 
to lose?  What had been his biggest fear all these years, after 
all?  Did he wake up in a cold sweat every night thinking the 
world had come to an end, that humanity itself had played its 
fleeting part in the history of the Earth and passed into 
obscurity?  No.  It was true that he had always been in a unique 
position, as one of the few people who had the desire, and 
therefore the means, to oppose the forces that schemed against 
humanity.  But humanity, in its day to day workings, hardly 
affected Mulder, and Mulder, in his day to day workings, affected 
humanity even less.  Recent revelations had knocked Mulder off his 
charger, but what had he really lost, personally?  A son, his 
mind supplied and he immediately snuffed out that line of thought.  
What else?  A normal life, a house, a family, Christmas dinner by 
firelight?  No, those things he had never had, never particularly 
needed.  

Coming full circle, his thoughts turned back to the person asleep 
on the seat beside him.  Scully.  He had her.  She was all he ever 
had.  She was all he ever really needed.  What had he left to 
lose?  Everything.  Unlike him, Scully had had a choice.  The 
doors in her life were two-way, and she had retained the option 
to choose till the end.  That normal life; the house, the family, 
the Christmas dinner bathed in flickering firelight.  They had 
been hers for the taking.  Yet here she sat, asleep next to him, 
running towards the uncertain, accompanied by the sounds of doors 
slamming and locking in their wake.

Mulder gazed down on her sleeping form, and for a moment he was 
transported back in time.  Regarding her peacefulness, admiring 
her perfect lips and skin.  He had wanted not to wake her, wanted 
to preserve the moment.  And he had wanted to kiss her.  Wanted 
it more than he ever had wanted it before, which was saying a lot.  
A lot a lot a lot.  He hadn't been able to bring himself to do it 
then; he had felt that they were on the verge, but he wasn't 
going to push the issue now that they were so close.  He had 
leaned in so near, but the centimeters that separated their 
skin may as well have been miles, for all he was willing to risk.  
Instead, he had lingeringly caressed her with his gaze, breathed 
in her soft scent, and covered her with blankets rather than his 
embrace.  

Now, bathed in the early morning light, she was once again 
peaceful before him, and just as difficult to understand. Why 
had she chosen this path?   He wanted to give her guarentees, 
where there were none.  He felt powerless and adrift, but at 
least she was with him.  And there was one thing he could do now, 
that he could not on that night so long ago.  He leaned in once 
again, and this time branded her skin with his soft kiss, the 
slight distinction between the two moments testifying that she 
had made a choice, and she had chosen him.

~~~~~end~~~~~~