From: "Dream Cole" Date: Tue, 07 Nov 2000 16:35:48 CST Subject: xfc: NEW: Hope, Dream Series(1 of 1), PG, MSR, Source: xfc Title: Hope Author: Dream Cole E-mail: dreamcole@hotmail.com Archive: Just let me know. Rating: PGish. Classifications: V, MSR (Okay, MSM), S Spoilers: None. Well, know that Scully was unable to bear children at one point and that she had cancer. This is kind of a continuation of the Dream Series, although it is quite obvious what happened. If you are interested in reading the others in the series, please e-mail me and let me know. Summary: All ya need is... hope. Disclaimer: I don't own em. I'd like to, but I don't. Notes: This is pure sap. Pure sap! Well, there's a story in there, but... well, read it and find out. Be warned: if you are one of those who complained I explained too much detail, run away! This is all Mulder's thoughts and he notices a lot and says very little. By the way, I call Scully... Scully, among other pet names. I can't see them (Mulder and Scully) suddenly calling each other Fox and Dana. Hope I hate doctors. Hate them, hate them with a passion. You'd think I'd be used to them considering the amount of time I spent in a hospital. I even married a doctor, I should get over it. But I can't. Because they nevr bring me good news, all they do is ruin my life. And today, I know, will be no exception. I left the water from the shower head run over my body, I bury my head in my hands, lean against the cold tiles and breathe deeply. I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. But I have to be. Today my wife and I took the day off of work for one reason. Tomorrow, Saturday, is my daughter's first birthday. We're having kids from the daycare she goes to, friends and family come to celebrate. The theme? That good old bear, Winnie the Pooh. But that's tomorrow. Today is Friday. Today is a trip to the doctors for both Dream and Dana. all sorts of test will be run and by the end of today (I love having connections) our world might change. We had been walking on eggshells since the day my wife and I found out we were expecting a child. Every test possible was done during the pregnancy and immediatly after. We were told that everything was fine and to go home and be happy. Since then we've tried to do that by living in denial, pretending that the horrors we experienced never happened. We live in an apartment with neighbors that have yet to hear shots to come from our room, intruders break in and people to die. We ignored the fact that our daughter was thought to be impossible a couple of years ago, a pipe dream. She's now become so much a part of our life that the idea of living without her... I rub the towel over myself roughly to rid myself of that horrible thought. But at the same time, I think we're still on the guard. Every day I stay up late or sneak out of bed to have a little longer with my sleeping baby. There's nothing more beautiful than a baby fast asleep: the way her little chest rises steadily and how her perfect lips expel breaths of air as she breathes. Her locks of auburn, slightly damp from sweet baby sweat, cover her tiny head. How her eyes move under her eyelids. Her little fingers clenced into tiny fists. Those adorable Winnie the Pooh pajamas with the little feet to keep her warm. I could spend half the day looking at her, memorizing her, loving her. The rest of the day would be spent watching my wife sleep. The way her nose crinkles up and how her eyelids flutter. How her copper hair flows around her face and neck, tickling me if I get too close. How her hands, her small, soft hands, grip thesheets, pulling them towards her, leaving me shivering. All the time I spent without her, needing her, looking for her seems so far away and yet too close at the same time. the idea that something could be wrong with her, even the samllest indication, causes such pain. I couldn't bear losing her, raising Dream alone, or the other way around. I leave the bathroom and a cloud of steam follows me into the bedroom, where my sleeping wife lays. Usually she's up by now, coffee in hand, so I start up the coffee machine and get breakfast ready. I wake her up with a smile and some caffeine and watch her walk out of the room to get ready. Then I go to wake up my daughter but find her lying in her crib, happily waiting for smoeone to play with her. I get her dressed and then we waited to eat breakfast as a family. The walk to the doctor's was excruciating for me. I kept sneaking glances at the two women in my life, reflecting on how empty I would feel without them. Dana's hands was in mine and I squeezed it tightly. Suddenly she stopped walking right in the middle of the sidewalk. She pulled on my hand, causing me to stop also and I turned to see what was happening. There stood my gorgeous wife, my partner, my best friend. In one arm she carried our daughter, the other pulled at my hand, bringing me closer to her. "This isn't how it's going to work," she declared. "What? What are you talking about?" "I can't handle this, I know what you're thinking and I want you to stop. As of right now we have no reason to be sad, only reason to be happy. So that's what we'll be." "But Day-" "No. What is your daughter's middle name? Have you forgotten that already?" I pause, then smile, remembering how we named our baby girl. 'Dream Hope Mulder'. Hope. I tell her so, and wait for her to continue. "There's still hope. There's always hope. Forget about what happened in the past. Appreciate the present and remain hopeful about the future. Because in the end, that's what we have dreams, hopes and love," her blue eyes sparkled with determination, trying to make me undertand. "Okay. Okay," I plucked a curious Dream from her arms and held her close, gesturing for Dana to join us. We walked into that doctor's office with smiles on our faces, small ones though they might be, and laughter in our eyes. We had no fear as Dream left us and we exchanged quick smiles when Dana was taken away. Whem my mother-in-law called to reassure me, I surprised her with my confident attitude, in fact, I surprised myself. I didn't pace and I didn't work; I didn't reflect and I didn't get sad. Instead I planned for the future. I made plans for the party tomorrow and for the parties that would follow. I pictured Dream growing up, getting older, becoming smarter and eventually leaving us to start her own life. I pictured Dana and I together. The day we would quit our jobs and simply grow old togheter. I pictured the way my life would bge and ignored how it was and should be. We turned off our mobile phones and spent the rest of the day together, outside of the apartment, making new memories. We took pictures, we smiled, we laughed and we made others do the same. And then we went back and ate a home cooked meal together, forgetting all about the tests, the results and our worries. The phone rang later that evening and once again fear swept through my heart. Dana leaned ran into my arms and we held each other for a while, the denial that we had been living in all day flew away and the truth came back. But we held each other and then I finally leaned over and pressed the button for the speaker phone. "Yes, the results for the tests are back. Dream Hope Mulder, as far as we can determine, is a perfectly ordinary child. Average height and weight and there are no abnormalities that we can see." I let out a large sigh of relief and smiled, holding Dana closer to me. I closed my eyes as I waited for the doctor to tell me about her. I held my breath and listened. "Dana Scully Mulder's physiology has changed, for reasons that we are unable to determine. Her ovaries are in perfect working order and any signs of her cancer is gone. I can see no reason either of them would lead anything but perfectly ordinary lives." I managed to gasp out my thanks before squeezing my wife tighter as we let our big gasps of air and laughed, tears streaming down our eyes. After a while I ran over and picked up Dream and we held her close, dancing around. Not only were they both fine but Dana had the possibility of conceiving again. It couldn't get much better than this. "You see Mulder?" I turned to my wife, her eyes sparkling with tears as she talked, "Dreams, hopes and love. We've got it all." I have to agree. Because we do. We have our dreams, some of which have come true, our hopes for the future and the love to last us the lifetime. Author's note: Pure sap, I know. Mushy stuff, I tried warning you. So... did you like it? I love e-mails and don't get enough of them so please let me know. Also, any suggestions are appreciated, both in style of writing and ideas for future stories.