From: LITTLEvoice Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 13:58:13 -0700 (PDT) Subject: story submission Source: direct Title: Dreaming of You Author: LITTLEvoice Email: littlevoice_0013@yahoo.com Rating: R Classification: MSR, songfic Summary: mulder admits his dreams... will they come true for the christmas season? Spoilers: none Disclaimer: i know i know they aren't mine... but i just borrowed them to have some fun... they'll be back before midnight... Notes: oh... the song isn't mine either... I'M NOT STEALING IT... and right now as i am typing these notes (before i have even started typing the story it is about 1:15 AM... i know i am insane... i'm an insomniac (sp?) well... anyways... it's not fun... but i finally found time to write this story... that is good right? also... it's almost christmas... my least favorite time of the year and i am getting that holiday depression shit and stuff so the only way i can actually have fun is through writing stor ies... so hopefully this will turn out good and i won't get pissed off at it and everything like that... well anyways... feedback is always appriciated... littlevoice_0013@yahoo.com Date Started: 1:19 AM 12/19/99 Date Ended: 12:13 AM 12/20/99 Archive: if you feel like it... you can put it anywhere... as long as my name stays on it Dreaming of You by LITTLEvoice You gotta love insomnia. It's one of the best things to suffer from. I am being sarcastic, of coarse. Insomnia sucks. You basically can never get any sleep. It also causes me to think too much. And when I think too much, I'm normally thinking about Scully. And damn, am I ever thinking about Scully right now. She is just too beautiful not to have a constant picture of her in my mind. If I could sleep, I would probably be seeing the same things that I see right now, so why need sleep. I can have complete control over what is happening in my mind right now. Scully, Scully, Scully. Scully on the desk, all of the papers now occuping the floor space instead of the desktop. No shirt, both of our suits are lying on the floor along side the toppled over stack of papers and manella folers. We were a little careless while pushing them to the floor to make room. My tongue exploring the never before touched boundaries of her mouth, and her's in mine. Hands trying to touch and memorize every conture of her body, and hers complementing my actions. Scully's apartment. Fourtunatly I'm there with her. Bubble bath in her big enough for two bath tub. It's the reason why we're not at my place. My apartment. Again Scully's clothes not exactly on her body. My clothes are in the same place as hers. Even though it's the middle of winter, we kept each other warm all through the night. My tongue inside her in more than one place, my hands traveli ng over the already memorized curves, her hands around me, in each other's arms all night long. Why who needs sleep when you have an imagination like that? The only thing I regret is not making it real. And the only thing that I really want to know is if Scully is dreaming these same thoughts? Or is she dreaming of me at all? I would be happy if she was just thinking of me. It doesn't need to be as erotic as my dreams are, but does she think of me whe n I'm not there? Does she even know I exist when she's in her apartment? Is she even alone when she is in her apartment? Could I have been that wrong about her, that self absorbed, so that I wouldn't realize that she didn't have a significant other? Does she even care about me? My dreams, as sick as they may be to you, all I want for christmas if for my dreams to come true. I want to hold her close to me all night long. I want to fuck her up and down all night long. I want to fuck her in her bathtub, in the shower, in her bed , in my bed, in the Lincoln Memorial, in the Oval Office of the White House. Hey, if Clinton can do it there, I say me and Scully could too. I want to make love to her in my car, in her car, in someone else's car, in the middle of the reflecting pool on a floating thingy, in the bathroom of a plane, oh hell, in first class! I want her every second of every day, I think the men's room floor is good enough for me as long as she is mine. But still, for now, I have my dreams. Even if she doesn't know I exist outside of the office. No one can take away my dreams. Maybe I could just go up to her and tell her that I loved her. Maybe now that she can't blame it on drugs, she can accept the fact that I do love her, and that I'm not lieing. But if she doesn't love me back. I can't just go on like I am now, dreaming of her every night, and knowing for a fact that she doesn't love me. That would totally crush all of my dreams. She can't do that to me. I can't live without those dreams every night. No one can take them awa y from me. I can't go up and just say "I love you." It doesn't work that way. I gotta know if she loves me first. I gotta know if she actually does go home and think of me. I want to know if she has the same dreams I do. I want to know if she actually sleeps at night or if she stay up like I do. I want to know if she dreams of me. ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ "Hey, Scully, you're in the office early. I thought only I was crazy enough to come here at 7:00 in the morning, on a saturday. But then again, you never cease to amaze me." "Cute, Mulder. Very cute," was Scully's reply. "So, are you trying to charm me into going somewhere with you this Christmas like you did with that haunted house last year. I hope you know, I still don't believe in ghosts." That got a smirk out of Mulder. "She remembers," he thought to himself. "Only to my place Christmas Eve." He was testing her. He needed to know how she would react. He needed to know if she was able to joke around with him, or if she actually took what he said seriously. He needed to know her boundaries. He found them. "Oh, really. You know, I was planing to ask you to come over to my place," she began in a low, seductive voice. "But if you insist on your place..." She took a step closer to Mulder, so she was now placed directly in front of him, not even a foot away. She grabbed his tie, like you see on TV, like one of those sex scenes between male boss and woman employee asking for a raise. "I could be down with that, too." Mulder could almost not handle what Scully was doing. She was literally arousing him right there in the office, and concidering the placement of the desk right behind her and the present neat condition of the floor, he couldn't help but relive one of his day dreams from the night before. He almost acted out of impulse and ripped her shirt off and shoved her on the desk, but he didn't. He wondered if Scully actually knew what she was doing to him at that moment. If she knew, would she be doing it. "Mulder. Earth to Mulder," came a voice out of nowhere. "Yeah... Houston, I'm alive and well." "Good, I thought I lost you for a second there. Your mind working overtime again." "What do you mean again?" Mulder blurted out without a second thought. The second his words pierced the air he wanted to become a vaccum and suck them back again. They were never meant for Scully to hear. "What do you mean by that?" "Damn, Scully heard," Mulder cursed himself. Now he would have to explain, something he would rather not do at this point in time. "Well... what did you mean, Mulder?" She wanted an answer. There was no getting around that. What was Mulder going to tell her? He hadn't a clue. He could tell her the truth, but that would risk inevitable humiliation. He couldn't risk Scully dismissing him without a second thought. Bu t there was nothing else to say. "Mulder?" Scully was getting impatient. "Nothing. I just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all. My mind, basically, has never stopped, and at the rate it is going, will probably never stop. That's all I meant by that." A total and complete lie, but Scully took it as the truth. Mulder was thankful for that. So, since we are both up at the crack of dawn, how about some coffee, and maybe we can talk. I didn't get that much sleep last night either. I'm buying." Mulder couldn't refuse that offer. Some down time with Scully at the expense of her wallet. He was all for it. They walked over to the coffee shop down the street from the J. Edgar Hoover Building in silence, but it was a good silence, not the kind of silence that makes a body uncomfortable. It was a time of reflection, looking back at the years past, and the years to come. Scully couldn't help but think about two years ago about this time, and her newly found daughter. And how abruptly she entered and exited her life, without a hello or a goodbye. Emily was just placed in Scully's lap as one of the best Christmas presents ever. Unfortunatly she was never meant to be, or at least that is what Mulder says, and was taken with as much warning as she arrived. Mulder couldn't help but think about last year's Christmas. The promise of no gifts, yet both spent way too much on a gift that the other one noe cherishes. How he was bluntly accused of stealing Scully's car keys, but he knows the ghost did. How both of them almost died, yet somehow he realized that it was all in their heads. And how Scully still doesn't believe in ghosts. And this years Christmas was being pondered about. Scully was going over her mom's for Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, and Mulder, well, Mulder was pretty much doing nothing this holiday season. Scully couldn't wait to see Bill and his wife and their son, and her mom, and Charlie and his family. She couldn't wait to sit around the table and pig out on the Christmas feast. She couldn't wait until the whole family, either in body or soul, were al l standing around the piano singing Christmas carols, completely out of tune. Mulder could, however, wait for Christmas. His father was no longer alive, his sister was no longer in existance. He's not sure if she is alive or dead at this point. And his mother, well she is a different story. She would rather sit alone for Christ mas than try and get together with the only family she has left. It was all in all a very depressing holiday season for him, and couldn't wait for it all to end. And Christmases to come. Mulder wasn't too happy about the whole idea of Christmas coming again next year, and the year after that, and the year after that and so on and so forth. Every year, the same thing happens. Nothing. But he was however, thinki ng about how it could be different. He was thinking about maybe someday having a family of his own. A family that he won't turn his back on, a family that needs him more than he needs them. A family with Scully. And he was thinking about how Scully an d him would cook Christmas dinner at their place, and all her family could come, because he knew his mother wouldn't. It would all be a Christmas worth waiting for. Scully was also thinking about the future, and her place in it. She was also wondering where she fit in, where her place was in the scheme of things. She wondered if she would ever take Mulder up on his offer and spend Christmas at his place, or if he w ould ever take her up on her offer. She wondered if he even knew she was serious. She wondered if he was really serious. Everything was different in her future. Mulder was the only thing the same. There was a family, but it was her very own family, n ot her brothers'. She had kids of her own that were meant to be. She had to cook. She had everyone over her place, even Mulder's mom was invited. She never did show, but she was invited. She wondered... And then they were inside once again, drinking warm coffee in more silence between them. It wasn't very busy, but there were still people walking in and out, the bell on the door ringing whenever someone opened it. It was all in all a pretty peacefull d ay. Scully broke the silence. "I said that we needed to talk. I didn't mean talk in silence. I have something that I really think is important to tell you." "Just please don't tell me any bad news. I can't deal with that kind of stuff around this time of year. It is depressing enough as it is." Despite Mulder's good mood inside, he still came off as having a bad day. He needed Scully to try and cheer him up, and that was just what she went about doing. "Well, Mulder, put it that way and I won't talk," she smiled. "But no, I don't qualify this as bad news. And it has nothing about work either." She antisipated the next question Mulder was taking a breath so he could ask. That got a smile out of him. "Well, what is it that you have to say then? You are cleared to speak." "Thanks, I didn't know I had to ask permission. But anyways, I know you don't do anything for Christmas, and you haven't for a long while. I figured that is why you are always dragging me places around this time of year when I'm trying to get all my las t minute Christmas shopping done. So I was just wondering if this year you would be up to doing something a little different from your normal routine of Christmas Day." "You want me to go with you to your mom's?" Mulder asked the question for her. "Well, yeah, kinda." "Scully, I'm sorry. I can't do that to your mom, and you know Bill, what would he say to me being there impeeding on your Christmas traditions. I can't do that to your family. And I kinda like being all alone for Christmas. It lets me think." "But Mulder, you are alone for the other 364 days of the year, why can't you just come. You may like it." "Scully, I just can't. I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have asked you to come and change your entire Christmas for me. It's just that I can't help but wonder what it would be like spending Christmas with you. It might be fun, you know." Mulder had to smile again. He was beginning to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. Slowly, they were forming a heart. He had the outer shape of the puzzle, and knew there was writing inside of the heart, but didn't quite know what they said yet. He would just have to finish putting it together. "You see, I haven't stopped thinking. I've been turing into you, Mulder. I can't sleep at night, I'm addicted to coffee during the day or I can't keep my eyes opened, and then again that night I can't sleep. My mind just won't let me rest. I keep thin king about you, about me, about the X-Files, about my future, about your future, about our future. Where are we going to be next Christmas, Mulder? I don't like not knowing. Mulder, I want to spend Christmas with you. Please come to my mom's with me.. . please?" It was hard for Mulder to turn her down again, but he had to. There was nothing good coming from him going to her mom's. Bill was going to be there and that was just going to make everyone's Christmas a living hell. He couldn't do that to Scully's fami ly. "I've been thinking about that too, and I would love to come to your mom's, you know that. But I can't. Bill hates me and nothing good can come from me being at your mom's house for Christmas. Bill and me in the same room is an invitation for hell on e arth during this Christmas season. It's not going to work, I'm sorry." Scully accepted that, and gave up. It wasn't worth getting into a fight over. Mulder wasn't going to give up his position strongly opposing going to her family get together, and Scully wasn't going to stop thinking that he should come. It was a loose-l oose situation. The rest of the day was pretty quiet. They went about finishing all the paperwork due on monday so they could have the rest of the weekend off for Christmas shopping and other more important issues of thier lives. Christmas Eve was Tuesday and the didn' t want any paperwork or anything that reminded them of their jobs over thier Christmas break. ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ Christmas Eve came and went. It was a pretty uneventful day. Both Scully and Mulder remained at thier own apartment, Scully wrapping gifts and Mulder watching the 'Grinch who Stole Christmas.' Christmas Day, Scully went to her mom's alone, sans Mulder. He stayed home and cooked Mac & Cheese and watched some more depressing Christmas specials on TV. It wasn't until later that night when the good Christmas specials came on. In the middle of Ruldolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the doorbell rang. "Mulder, I know your in there, open up!" came the voice from outside. Mulder jumped from the couch and opened the door for Scully. She had two paper bags full of food from her mothers. "Since you couldn't come, Mom felt bad and told me to bring this to you." Mulder took one of the bags from Scully and allowed her to enter and put the other bag in the kitchen. "I thought you would have been spending a little more time with your family than that!" Mulder was confused. "Believe me, 9 hours with Bill is plenty, no matter how long ago it was since I last saw him." Mulder laughed at that. "I hope your hungry because Mom packed you almost an entire ham and a ton of mashed potatos and a whole bunch of other yummy food." "Did I just hear you say 'yummy?'" "Yeah, why?" "You, the scientific, always an explination, bigger vocabulary than me, has been reduced to calling food 'yummy?'" "Cute, Mulder. Very cute." And a smile appeared on both of their faces as they finished unpacking the food and shoving it in the fridge. "There was something that I never did get to say that day at the coffee shop." Mulder was shocked. He thought that the only reason she wanted him to grab a cup of coffee with her was so she could ask him to join her with her family for Christmas dinner. He had never expected there to be more. "What is it?" question evitable in hi s voice. "I told you that my mind wouldn't stop, like yours, but I never did tell you what it was thinking about, did I?" "No, I don't believe you did." "Well, my mind won't stop imagining the future, and what it is going to be like and who I am going to be spending it with and what I am going to do and who I am going to be, and Mulder, quite frankly, you're there." That was just what Mulder wanted to hear. The puzzle was now complete. "LOVE" was written in the heart. "Well, my mind won't stop showing me pictures of children, our children, and a Christmas tree decorated with ornimants and lights in our house, and everyone coming to our home and we are feeding everyone. Mulder, we are an 'us' in my future, and I was ju st wondering if you, remotly, saw it the same way?" Mulder shook his head in agreement and affirmation. Scully continued, "Mulder, before this Christmas season for you is ruined for good, I just wanted to say these three simple words... 'I love you.'" "I love you, too." ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ ~.,.~ ^.,.^ And now, instead of dreaming of her, I'm dreaming with her. We are both living our dreams, in our apartment, with our soon to be family on the way. Kids are soon going to be ours through the wonders of adoption. Thanksgiving just passed and Christmas is just around the corner. There is no dinner being served at our place this year, partly because we still live in an apartment, and Mom wanted it at her place one last time. Everything is perfect. Scully has made my dreams come true, granted I still have to live out my office fantisy, but that will come later. My apartment, her apartment, shower, bathtubs, floors... hell, even the back seat of the car came true. The reflecting pool, well Scully thought that was a bit much, and same went with the Lincoln Memorial, or any public place for that matter, but she sa id the office desk might work, someday... If I'm good. END I hoped you liked that... because it is now about 12:15... and it's a school night... send feedback to littlevoice_0013@yahoo.com... it is always appriciated! -