From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 15:41:36 -0500 Subject: Dreams and Visions by Calesta B Source: direct Reply To: calesta_b@hotmail.com Dreams and Visions by Calesta B. Category; Post Ep for Requiem and a little bit of Song Fic, MSR. I wanted to play, too!! Rating: R Summary: Their last 24 hours together and what happened to Scully next. I kept having dreams and visions of Mulder and Scully to Tracy Chapman's Wedding song. Couldn't help it and it wouldn't go away. Disclaimer: Used without permission - neither Carter's, Fox's or Tracy Chapman's. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. Feedback: calesta_b@hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------- I've been having dreams and visions In them you are always standing right beside me I reach out for your hand To see your arms extending outstretched toward me For you I don the veil By your light others pale in comparison I place my faith in love My fate in this communion ------------------------------------------ I married Mulder last night. It sounds farfetched, considering that I don't even know if he's still alive. Scratch that, I do know. I just don't know where he is. I would feel it if he were not, I don't feel that he is dead, I simply feel - empty. Even with a life growing inside me I am left with a gaping hole that only one person, one lifeforce can fill. I hadn't gone there intending to speak such vows, but I sat down on his floor, in front of his small Buddha statuette and the words poured from my mouth. I had no white dress, no veil, my beige tank top and Kleenex stood in for the traditional items. I had something old, my love, something new, our baby, something borrowed, Mulder's apartment and something blue, a note from him, written on a blue envelope. They weren't entirely traditional vows, but our lives have not been traditional. I promised to love, honour and cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer. My throat stuck on 'til death do us part' , but I choked it out. In my heart I knew that even if death did part us, I would continue to honour those vows all the days of my life. I think he would have approved. I hope so. He might be disappointed that we were not in Vegas and there was no Elvis impersonator. However, I am convinced that had he been there next to me, he would have uttered the words with the same solemnity, the same conviction. We were already married, had already been married for years. The physical that was new, recent, cemented the bond that had been forged in the fire that was our lives with the X-Files. I tamped down the ache that came with thinking about how excited he would be to find out about his impending fatherhood. Talk about coming full circle, the Mulder I met 7 years ago would never rejoice in such an event. That was the grand irony of the situation. Just when we were ready to go ahead with the relationship, to procreate, to focus on ourselves rather than aliens, those same aliens stole one half of my equation away. The Mulder I know today would be childlike himself in his excitement over his impending fatherhood. At some point in the last two years he had begun to live again, to live for himself, for me and for us. I like to think of the night of the baseball lessons as the turning point, it seemed that we remembered to have fun that night, that there were extreme possibilities that we could explore together that would make us feel alive. We still had to work through many things after that night, but I do think it was the start. After kneeling on Mulder's floor for awhile I felt the call of nature thanks to my ever shrinking bladder, settling on Mulder's couch after relieving myself. As had become my habit in the weeks since he had been missing I relived our last twenty four hours together. Closing my eyes I took myself back to those awful moments in the hallway - with Mulder telling me I had to stay behind, that he wouldn't lose me. We split up at that point, Mulder whispering in my ear that he would come by my place later that night. I don't remember much of the afternoon after that. I know I stopped for groceries, and for takeout Chinese. I knew something was wrong. Didn't we all? We just chose to ignore it. I do remember standing in my kitchen, trying to put the groceries away, instead crying so hard I could barely breathe. It was such abnormal behaviour for me, I wish I had known then that I could blame my hormones, it was a much better explanation than going insane. I heard Mulder's key in the lock and tried to wipe the tell tale tear marks from my face. He came up behind me in the kitchen and I started crying again. 'Scully,' all he had to say was my name, I knew that he was asking what was wrong, what he could do. I knew he was at a loss to deal with this strange creature sobbing in cool as a cucumber Special Agent Scully's kitchen. 'I don't want you to go Mulder,' it came out as a whine, as if I were a sixteen year old school girl saying goodbye to her boyfriend before he left for summer camp. 'Shhh, Scully, shhh. I'll be home soon, Scully. And then we'll do this right. We'll figure out a way to do this right,' his arms were around me and I realized he was talking about us, about our relationship, about the fact that we had finally admitted we were in love with each other. I kissed him then, turning my tears into passion. He scooped my up in his arms without breaking the kiss and carried me to the bedroom. He set me gently on the bed and I clung to him even as he started to remove my clothes. Once I was free of them he undressed quickly. We began to make love, Mulder chanting a mantra as he rained kisses all over my body. 'So beautiful, Scully, love you Scully, be home soon Scully.' We made love three times that night, the last just before dawn. I slept fitfully, snuggled tightly to him. It is inconceivable to me that I have spent the last four years trying not to touch him. Now I can't get enough. I am worried that when he comes home I will never be able to let go of him again. I cannot imagine events that would pry me from his side. He left before I woke up that morning. As soon as I woke up I felt empty. Two very important things were missing from my apartment. He had left a note on my kitchen table. Echoing his words from the night before: Scully, You're so beautiful. I'll be home soon. I love you Scully. Mulder PS - Took your cross - I needed the good luck charm as I hate to leave you behind. The note never leaves my possession. I have to believe that he meant it all and that it will carry him home soon. It is now dawn and I have to leave Mulder's apartment. I have a meeting with Skinner this morning. I know damn well that he is about to assign me a new partner. You would have thought he learned his lesson with Krychek when I went missing. I will not fight him though. I will just use this new partner as another resource in my search for Mulder. I feel better, recharged. After all, I am a married woman now.