From: Gil Trevizo Date: Sun, 30 Jun 1996 00:56:03 -0600 (MDT) Subject: Einmal Ein Lowen (1/1) I did not write this. Please send all comments to the author at . ********************************************************************** I just wrote this for fun because I was really bored and it is more than a little silly. You've been warned. :) "The X-Files" and all related items are property of Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen productions, and Fox. No infringement intended. Einmal Ein Lowen by Tiffany Dickinson edtiff@centuryinter.net "Do you have the promised merchandise, Robert?" the stocky man asked in his thick German accent. "Herr Schnider vill not be pleased if you don't." "Yes, Helmut, I have it. Your just lucky I lived long enough to get it here," tanned American replied. "It almost tipped the truck over during transit." "It is a very good thing for you it didn't. That may have cost you more than you could ever imagination." replied the German with an evil grin. "It would have killed me before you did. What are you doing to do with it anyway." "That is none of your concern. You are only a lowly courier. Let's just say the lion will rise higher than the eagle ever could." Helmut ended the sentence with a maniacal laugh. The large crate next to Robert rocked violently. "There's no way you can control it. You'll never get it out of that cage." "On the contrary Herr Smith, I have total control over it." With that the German walked over to the cage and released the door. "Greift an." Robert never knew exactly what hit him. ************************************************************ ************* "What does Skinner want now? I'm not in trouble am I?" Mulder looked at Scully with that innocent-little-boy look. "All he said was that he wanted to see us. He didn't say anything other than that. Maybe you actually did something right for once," Scully said with a hint of sarcasm. "That's me. Mr. Congeniality spreading sunshine where ever he goes." The two FBI agents entered the assistant director's office. Skinner was sitting at his desk looking over some files. "Agent Mulder, Agent Scully, please sit down. Tell me, do either of you speak German?" ************************************************************ ************* "We might as well go over the case, Mulder. We have eight hours before we reach Frankfurt." "Do you think we'll have time to sample some authentic German brew? I hear that one of their glasses equals four of our glasses." Mulder said a little too enthusiastically "Mulder! We're on duty and representing our country, remember? Can you do your best to behave? Now, lets get to work. We have an American citizen found dead in Munich. Apparently mauled to death. What's in the middle of a German city that could maul a man to death like that?" Scully wondered out loud. Mulder looked at the picture. "Not much left to examine, is there? Do you have any theories?" "Whatever did it was really big. No dog could have did this. I've never even seen bear mauling that was this bad." ************************************************************ ************** They arrived right on schedule in Frankfurt at 1:00 p.m. Frankfurt time. They immediately caught a ride to the local Polizei station. Neither of them had an international driver's license so they had to arrange a driver. "Guten Tag! My name is Gunter," chirped the young German assigned as their driver. He was about 25 and was tall with blond hair and blue eyes. thought Mulder to himself at seeing the way-too-perfect young man. He looked over at Scully and almost jumped out of his shoes. "Hello, Gunter," sugar wouldn't have melted in her mouth. "I'm Special Agent Dana Scully and this is Fox Mulder. It's very nice to meet you. Sorry, but neither of us speak German." "That's perfectly all right," he practically sang back. "Most people here speak English and I can be your interpreter also. You only need to know one phrase. Wo is dein WC?" "What's might that be," Mulder said, starting to get a little jealous. Gunter replied with a laugh, "Where is your restroom." Scully giggled. Mulder frowned. "We had better get going. We are expected in Munchin by noon," said their guide. "I thought we were going to Munich?" said Mulder, openly annoyed. "Oh, I am sorry. Munich in German is Munchin. City of the little monks. Famous for it's beer, LowenBrau in particular. Come, let's be going." They filed out into a large BMW. Scully sat in front. Mulder sat in back and steamed. ************************************************************ ************* "This vas the crime scene," said Gunter in his ever prominent German accent. "The American vas found here next to the vall. The only claw marks that were still discernible appeared to be feline." "You speak English very well, Gunter," said Scully, not truly paying attention to what he was saying. "Danke, Miss Scully, I've been learning it ever sense I was a child. They start young in our schools on foreign languages." "Why couldn't he have taken French like everyone else," mumbled Mulder under his breath. "Did you say something Mulder?" asked Scully, shooting him a mind-your-manners look. "Just thinking out loud, nothing important." Scully studied the pictures she had and tried to recreate the crime scene. Meanwhile, Mulder looked for any clues the local authorities might have missed. He walked to the opposite side of the ally Scully was on, searching the ground for anything it might be able to tell him. Then something caught his eye that spoke volumes. "Scully, come and look at this," he called. She ran up to him with Gunter at her heals. "I've found an odd foot print. What do you think it is?" Scully looked down a the giant paw print in the dust. It was scuffed up, but it was still clear enough to look the footprint of the cat from Hades. "I have no idea. How could something this big just walk down the street without everyone seeing it. Anyway, I don't know of anything that could make a paw print that big." "There's not even a zoo around that something like that could escape from," chimed in Gunter. "I think we'd have know if something had escaped form a zoo, Gunter," replied Mulder, getting more than a little nasty. It earned himself and ever sterner look from Scully. "I think we should run some record checks on anything around here that could even come close to a cat this big. It can't hurt," added Scully, still glaring a Mulder. Gunter was quick to latch on to Scully's idea. "Come, my friend at the station can help us with that." ************************************************************ ************* On the way back to the station, Mulder stared blankly out the window while Scully and "Mr. Perfection" chatted in the front seat. He had no idea what they were saying, he really didn't care. Right now all he wanted was to solve this case a get home where they didn't survive on Wiener schnitzels and beer. Then Mulder realized something. "Gunter, what's that building? The one with the lion symbol on it." "That's one of the LowenBrau breweries." "Does LowenBrau translate to in English." "I thinks it's Loin's Brew." "I think I know where we can find our cat...." ************************************************************ ************* The trio walked into the main office of the LowenBrau building. Gunter said something to the clerk in German and they were allowed into the portion of the building that held the main offices. They waited outside the president's office to be allowed in. "You'd better be right, Mulder, or we're going to be in big trouble and you can take the blame for it this time." Scully threatened. "Trust me. Have I ever been wrong before?" He gave that boyish look that always lowered her guard. She sighed and followed him into the office. In one corner was the president and in the other corner was a large mechanical lion. "Guten Tag, how may I help you?" asked the president in very good English. "We have reason to believe that your mechanical lion has committed a murder." Mulder stated matter-of-factly. Scully covered her face and Gunter surpressed a laugh. Mulder pretended not to notice and continued, "An American citizen was recently killed by what appeared to be a large cat. This is the only cat large enough to do it." "I assure you, this cat is harmless. It's remote controlled and I am the only one with access to it." "Wrong Herr Schnider," came a voice from the back of the room, "I also have a control." The stocky German touched a button on his control and the cat came to life a roared. "Now I'm going to take over your brewery and take over the German economy by monopolizing the beer market!" He laughed medically. "Helmut, what do you think you are doing? Have you forgot your medicine again?" While the man wasn't looking Mulder raised his gun and shot the remote out of his hands. ************************************************************ ************ Gunter drove them to the airport the next day for their flight home. "Helmut vas Herr Schnider's odd brother. He vas put in the hospital yesterday. I also think they doubled his medication." "I suppose a machine is only a dangerous as the person who's controlling it," said Scully as she checked her luggage. "It was nice working with you, Gunter." Mulder started fuming again. "It vas nice vorking wit you too. It is too bad you did not get to meet my vife. She was even preparing the house to greet you." Mulder perked up. "If we ever get back here Agent Mulder and I will be sure to look you up.?" As Mulder and Scully went to board the plain she looked at him an asked, "Get jealous much?" All Mulder could do was blush and shrug. - ---- Tiffany ------------------------------