From: "A. R." Date: Tue, 06 Apr 1999 15:23:48 PDT Subject: Enough Disclaimer: I'm not makin' any money off of this, I don't own any part of the story, I'm just stealing-- uh, borrowing, that is, everything from 1013 Productions, 20th Century Fox, and Chris Carter (aka God or Satan, depending on the day) Enough by conspiracy rated: PG-13 Key Words: MSR, angst spoilers: none really Summary: A journal entry or two written by Scully Author's notes: I know I could have gone deeper into the mythology on this one and actually given details about what the hell is going on, but I thought I'd leave that up to the readers' imaginations. ;) Enough by conspiracy My entire life fell apart today. Not my career, not my family, but all that and more. My *world* fell apart today. Mulder leaves with the aliens in the morning. That's right, Mulder is leaveing with the aliens tomorrow and I can't even allow myself the leisure of thinking how strange that sounds. He came to my apartment tonight to break the news. Even brought a bottle of wine. Ironic that after 7 years together it would take something like this to get him to bring me a bottle of wine. For the first time ever, I allowed myself to cry in front of him. Really cry. It was just too much. After all that's happened, him leaving was just more than I could handle. More than I can handle. I think it hurt him to see me cry. So much so that he almost broke down himself, but I think he had already done his crying. Instead, he comforted me. He held me and let me sob against his shoulder, all the while stroking my head softly and telling me that "It'll be alright, Scully. Everything'll work out somehow." His words weren't comforting, but the softness of his voice made up for their lack of meaning. All I could do was hug him tightly and whisper "I love you" through my tears. He didn't seem surprised, just held me close and replied, "I know. Me too." I suppose we both always knew how we felt about each other, but it still hurts me to think that it took the possibility of never seeing him again to get me to finally say it. As of tomorrow morning around 6:45 am, Mulder will be gone. Not necessarily forever, but close enough considering the risks involved in what he's doing. Sure, Mulder's risked his life a thousand times before, but not to this extent, and not alone. I've always been by his side. And now this final step of his journey must be solitary, leaving *me* alone, helpless. I hate feeling helpless. Mulder called a minute ago, just before I started writing. He asked if he could come over again, said he didn't want to be alone tonight. I said I didn't either and almost let another tear escape my eye. He should be on his way over right now. I told him to use his key to get in because I didn't feel like getting out of bed. ************************** Mulder lays beside me in the bed snoring softly. It's nearly 5 am, only a little while before he leaves, but I don't want to wake him. He needs some rest. He got here only a short time after he called. He must have been calling from his cell phone on the way over. He knew I wouldn't refuse him. He used his key to open the door like I asked, and only paused a moment in the hallway outside my bedroom before entering the room and laying down on the bed beside me, tears already filling his eyes to the brim. We both lay there, staring at each other and crying for several minutes. Then, without words, still crying, we began to undress each other slowly. With every inch of his beautiful skin that I uncovered, I let out another sob. Every inch of his body was another inch that will be lost come morning. I seemed to be having the same effect on him. And when finally all our clothes were removed, we moved closer slowly until we became one. One single, living, breathing entity. I kissed away his tears and he kissed away mine, but they continued to flow on both sides. With every kiss of his lips, every thrust of his hips, every stroke of his hand on the bare flesh of my back, I cried. I sobbed for all the times that I will miss those things in the future, for all the times I will miss him. Not a single word was spoken between us until Mulder released himself inside of me. His head fell down beside mine as his body collapsed on top of me in exhaustion, and he whispered in the most sincere, sorrowful, grateful voice, "I love you." I swear that no matter what happens from here on out, to me or Mulder or even this whole goddam planet, I will hold the memory of those words closer to me than anything I've ever known, and whatever comes my way, I will always know that Fox Mulder truly loved me, and that will be enough. THE END So how'd you like it? Kind of a downer, I know, but I've been craving some real raw angst, so I decided just to write some. ;) Please give feedback whether you liked it or not, just please phrase any complaints as constructive criticism. Flames will be used to line my kitty's litter box. ;) Feedback to conspiracy13@hotmail.com