************************************************************************** Trustyone's e-mail address has changed to: trustyonefanfic@hotmail.co.uk ************************************************************************** From: "Trustyone" Date: Wed, 28 Oct 1998 09:56:40 -0000 Subject: Everliving 1/4 , 2/4 , 3/4 , 4/4 Title: Everliving 1/4 (2/4 3/4 4/4) Author: Trustyone Classification: SRA Spoilers: Christmas Carol/ Emily Keywords: Mulder/ Scully Divorce Summary: Mulder and Scully are together, have a child and the perfect life after the X Files. But it all falls apart. DISCLAIMER: Okay......Agent Fox Mulder and Dana Scully belong to Chris Carter (the all High and Mighty Creator of the X Files universe), 1013 Productions, and Fox Broadcasting. Abigail Katherine Mulder and this particular plot-line belong to me!!! So there!!! Author's notes: Well, this story-line came into my mind ages ago. I'm not a 'shipper, but I'm not a NoRomo either (no disrespect due to those people!) I'm kinda in between both (more of a shipper tho!), but there isn't a name (I'm aware of) for those kinda Philes (If there is, and you know it, please mail and enlighten me!). Anyway, in writing this story I decided to do both romance and friendship (both for Shippers and Noromos!!! But more for shippers...sorry!). If ya don't like this, then sorry!!! Not every story I write is good. Not everyone likes them. This was written purely to get this idea out of my head so I could come up with other plot-lines!!!!! P.S. They call each other Mulder or Scully for a reason, and it's not me making a mistake!!! Okay?! Good! P.P.S. Thanks to Chel! P.P.P.S. All comments to Trustyone@thewebbs.demon.co.uk Enjoy... --------------------------------------------------------------------X Everliving 1/4 by Trustyone --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X "Marriage is like life in this - that it is a field of battles and not a bed of roses" - Robert Louis Stevenson. --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia June 22, 2011 11:17pm The dark sky opened up to let the drops of water fall to the ground that was Washington DC. Even though it was June, it still rained, the heavens opening up to wash the earth of all the scum and crime it held. A silver car drove up the dark gravel drive-way to a large, victorian style house. The engine and lights died and the driver's door opened. The lanky frame of Assistant Director Fox Mulder climbed out of his silver Ford car and ran to the door of his house, covering his head from the heavy ran with his equally heavy briefcase. He fumbled around for his keys, then in the dim light which was shining from the hallway inside, he found the right key and inserted it into the lock of the heavy white door. Mulder walked into the hall and shook the raindrops off his coat and his hair. His hair was beginning to grey at the sides and he had a few more wrinkles around his eyes. He put it down to the stress of his new position in the FBI, with extra resposibilities. He had been living in this old house for over 7 years after the X Files division was finally closed down. And, believe it or not, Mulder was the one who closed them down. * * * * * * * * * * ********************************************************************* J. Edgar Hoover Building Washington Dc, Virginia October 2, 2003 4:37pm Special Agent Fox Mulder picked up the large brown box that was full to the brim and walked to the doorway of his basement office. He surveyed the room on last time, taking in the changes, not just of the office, but his life in the past few months. Mulder had requested the X Files to be shut down, and Skinner had obliged. Mulder's 'quest' had finally come to its end. Samantha had been found, she had been raised by the Cancerman all her life after she was taken, but now she had started to get into contact with him, which he was pleased about. Cancerman was dead. It was a fitting death Mulder thought coldly. He had been found in an abandoned warehouse, a suicide. But Mulder knew better. Cancerman's death had been an orchestrated murder by 'Them', the very people who he worked with. To Mulder, it proved how heartless they actually were, to kill one of their own. But, Mulder had other reasons for finishing the X Files. That reason was Scully and himself. They had both lost and learned so much over the past 10 years. Scully and Mulder both losing relatices and friends, but both gaining a lot as well. Scully had gained life. Her cancer had cleared up for good. She had passed the clearance date for being totally cured. She had had to stay in remission for 6 years for the doctors to be sure that the cancer wouldn't return. And it hadn't. She had been in good health since then, and hopefully it would stay like that. Mulder had also gained a lot, his sister's return into his life, which was what he had always wanted. Although they had grown apart in many ways they also had become stronger and now were catching up on lost time, and there was a lot of time to cover. So, Mulder had decided to end the X Files before any more pain could be created, for either him or Scully. She had been thankful of his decision. But one thing that still haunted them both was the functon of the chip in Scully's neck. The memories of the X Files would always haunt them because of that chip, with them always wondering its exact purpose or function. But they would never know. Mulder stared into the box at the various mementos. There was his name stand, which needed a good clean, his 'I Want To Believe' poster, various photos of UFO's and other unexlained phenomenons, a couple of alien mugs, and some X Files. He looked around the office again, checking that he hadn't left anything. He felt a great sadness as he looked around the deserted office, as if he were losing a close friend. But this office had given him a good friend: Scully, and he was glad of that. But the office seemed a mere skeleton of what he and Scully had acomplished over the years. The desks were covered with plastic sheeting, the filing cabinets and other drawers were locked up with the keys practically thrown away and the walls were stripped bare. It was eerily silent and dark, it seemed as if no life had ever filled the room, no human had ever worked there. He thought about all the times he and Scully disagreed on cases, argued about explanations and solutions. He smiled at the thought of them both trying to get their points across till they were blue in the face. He grabbed hold of the door with one hand, slowly closing it and casting the basement office into permanent darkness. He turned the key in lock one last time, then, without looking back, he walked down the corridor for the last time, up the stairs to the ground floor for the last time, and left the X Files forever. ********************************************************************* * * * * * * * * * * He dropped his briefcase and coat on a chair in the hall, discarded his suit jacket and his tie and loosened the top button of his shirt. He walked into the large sitting room to see his wife of 6 years sitting in a large arm chair, reading a book. He walked over and crouched next to the seat, looking at the book title "Moby Dick...a classic book" he said, smiling at Scully. She didn't smile back. He stood up and stretched his arms. "You said you'd get here for 5 o'clock" she stated simply, not lifting her blue eyes from the pages. Her tone seemed harsh and cold. "Dana, please not now. I don't feel like arguing" Mulder groaned, walking into the clean, expansive kitchen. "*You* don't feel like arguing? You don't feel like doing anything at all. You don't feel like being with your family, friends, daughter, me" Scully shouted, storming after him into the kitchen. "Dana, you know it's not my fault. Work is just getting on top of me at the moment" he said, exhaustion evident in his tone of voice. "'At the moment' has been the last five months!!!!" Scully pointed out. "Dana...please, I really don't need this now" he begged. "Excuse me, but the only time we get to actually talk to one another in person is late at night. And we don't even talk, we fight. I'm sorry that Skinner is in hospital and that the other AD's have to do part of his work along with their own, but you just never make time for me and Abi any more" she said, annoyed. Mulder looked her eyes, they seemed sad and hurt. He felt guilty and he knew she wanted him to, but it wasn't his fault. Skinner had been involved in a stake out and had been shot repeatedly. He had been in hospital for months, going for rehab and check ups. "Look, I will try to get home earlier tomorrow, I promise" Mulder said. Scully just knew his words were empty. "Do you? Do you really promise? Fox, you have been saying that for weeks now, and I'm beginning to realise that your promises are just empty words and your saying them because Abi wants to hear them" she scolded. "Okay, Dana. I've had it with you bombarding me every night with a guilt trip. I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do to stop my work flow from totally bedding me own every day, but you have to give me time to get this under control-" "Jesus Mulder, you make it sound like it's *my* fault that Abi never sees you. Just tonight she asked where you were, again. I told her that you must have been working late, but you would home any minute. But, again you weren't. She's crushed, Fox. Last night I heard her crying and when I asked her what was wrong she just said that she missd you. Now, that makes me feel guilty, that my daughter is suffering like her father is dead. I mean, as far as she is concerned, you don't exist. You are just a figment of her imagination" Scully screamed at him. Mulder took in her words, they hit him hard. Scully and Mulder had been arguing for quite a few weeks, and they had been bad arguments. Doors slamming, them screaming at one another, one of them staying over at a relative's house. They never had time to finish an argument or talk things over because their schedules clashed all the time. Scully was head coroner at the Quantico training academy now and she taught and helped with cases. Most of her daytime hours was spent at the academy or with Abi. And Mulder was always involved in assignments and large undercover operations and had a lot of desk and paperwork to sort through, all the time. "Scully, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say-" "Say you'll take a sick day off work tomorrow. Spend a day with Abby and me. Please?" she asked gently. Mulder looked into her eyes, they were begging him. He contemplated her suggestion for a moment. Scully's hopes rose. "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm needed at work. The Matisson case is at a crucial point and-" "And it's more important than your family" she said, her hopes suddenly falling and smashing into a thousand pieces. "I wasn't going to say that. I wish for *once* you'd not put words into my mouth!" he shouted at her. "Well, maybe if I did, you would stay at home for a few hours" she screamed back. "Well, I'm sorry Dana Scully, if I don't fit into your schedule, or your life-long plan" he shouted, finally snapping. Scully stared at him, hurt clearly etched into her delicate features. Her eyes had dark circles under them and she seemed stressed out. She hadn't been sleeping well, from both the arguments with Mulder and work and looking after Abigail. Mulder looked at how exhausted she looked and instantly wished he could take back what he had said. "Well, maybe you should look at your *own* schedule and I'll make an appointment for us all to spend some time together. Would that be more helpful Mulder?" she asked him icily. Her words cutting him deeply like a sharp knife threw butter. Mulder tried to reply but he didn't want to cause more anger and pain and hurt her more He looked at her regretfully, looking into her pleading large blue eyes, then turned away and headed for his study. "Fine. Walk away, but you can't hide from this forever!" Scully shouted to him, but he didn't turn back to her. He kept walking up the stairs. "Mulder, just remember that Abi misses you next time you are sat alone in your desolate office!" she finished as he disappeared. Her eyes brimmed with tears she thought sadly, fighting back the tears. She slowly went over to the large chair and settled back into her book, but she couldn't concentrate. She heard Mulder slamming the door upstairs, the noise made her wince slightly. Then she let her tears fall, but they weren't for her and Mulder, they were for her and Abigail. ----------X Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia June 22, 2011 11:46pm Mulder slammed the door of the study shut and slumped down into the swivel chair which was positioned opposite the computer. He flicked the computer on and waited for it to load up. He looked around the study, *his* study. His 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster was pinned up on the wall and there were various family photos on the four walls which made up the confined area which was Mulder's room. The walls were decorated with plain wall paper and the furniture was as equaly simple, with just a computer, computer desk, a table and his old balck couch which had seen one to many sleepless nights. He remembered coming home late from work one night and found Dana curled up with Abigail and they were both asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful, so content holding her daughter. But, that was just after he had started the job and before the long arguments had begun. Mulder looked at the screen saver which had been activated. The little UFO's buzzed around the screen with little green aliens waving. Mulder smiled but winced slightly as he heard another door slam, the bedroom door. Scully was moving about, wanting to be heard so he would know she was still very angry. Mulder's mind wandered back again to before he and Scully had finished the X Files. Of all the things they differed in, the X Files was one major thing that they both shared and had in common. Their marriage started shortly after the files had been closed. But, Mulder hated thinking about their arguments which followed his promotion. But, they were nearly always occuring now, and his happiest memories of them together seemed to become fainter and fainter as the days went on. * * * * * * * * * * ********************************************************************* Dana Scully residence Washington DC, Virginia August 12 2003 11:21pm Mulder and Scully sat in front of the television in a warm embrace watching the credits rollup the screen. The music accompanying the movie faded out and Mulder decided to get up. He looked at Scully who seemed to have fallen asleep, so he gently shifted her over and he stood up nd began to walok to the kitchen. He and Scully had been 'officially' going out with each other for almost seven months, but they had actaully been going out with each other for over eighteen months, due to the fact that relationships between partners was frowned upon at the FBI. Mulder stretched a little to relieve the stiffness in his back and went to switch the kettle on when he was suddenly jumped on. "What do you think you're doing?" Scully asked him, putting her arms around his waist. Mulder jumped and suddenly sighed in relief when he finally figured out who it was. "Do you always have to do that?" Mulder asked, turned to her and putting his arms around her waist. She brought her hands up to lie on his shoulders. "Do you always have to answer questions with questions?" she asked playfully. "You've been hanging around pyscologists too long Dana" "Oh, what a shame. I'll just have to find another partner to date, won't I!" she said, wriggling out of his grasp to pour them some coffee. "Ouch Dana" he said. Scully gave him a genuine smile. He picked up the full mugs after Scully served the hot drinks. They sat back down on the sofa, and turned the television off. They sat in comfortable silence, drinking the warm liquid. Mulder had to admit, he had been much happier since he and Scully had crossed the point of no reurn to platonic friendship. She had been happier as well, that she couldn't deny. Their relationship had been finally revealed when Skinner finally twigged about them, but he decidedto keep it under wraps for a while, then Scully and Mulder just told everyone. Not that their fellow agents were suprised, in fact, they were far from it. Mulder decided to break the silence first. "Scully, what do you want out of life?" he asked her, setting his mug on the coffee table. Scully looked at Mulder quizzically then did the same with her mug. She leaned back, thinking about his question. "I don't know. I've never really thought about long and hard. I suppose in some respects I'm no different to most women. I would like, eventually, a family of my own, a successful career, a loving husband. You know, the whole package" she said, looking at him, "What about you?" she asked. "Well, I know I want children, just not to many. And a loving wife. I just want to be the father of a family I know I didn't have when I was a kid" he explained. Scully placed a gentle hand on Mulder's arm, knowing what he meant. He hadn't had an easy childhood. "Everyone wants the perfect life. But no one considers the work which has to be done in order to achieve it" Scully stated. Mulder nodded in response. "But, what is the perfect life?" Mulder asked, partly to himself. Scully looked at him, contemplating his words. "I suppose a life in which you are happy is the perfect life. But, what you consider perfect may not be the same for someone else" she answered. "I know what life I want, but I'd always consider the 'life' my future partner wants" he said. "Why are we talking about the future? I mean, what's wrong with the present?" Scully asked him, changing the topic, and challenging him at the same time. "I don't know, I was just wondering" he said. Mulder finished off his drink and leaned back into the cushions. Scully collected their mugs and walked into the kitchen. Mulder listened as Scully washed the mugs and the plates from dinner they'd had earlier. He thought long and hard. he thought to himself. Mulder suddenly got up and went into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Scully. "Mulder, I can't do the washing up with you wrapped around my body" she told him, but smiling anyway. "Scully...Dana. Say...hypothetically, of course...that *I* asked you to be my wife. Would you consider it?" he asked her, not letting go of her. "What, *hypothetically*? Well, umm...yes, I'd *consider* it. Why, Mulder?" she asked, her smile and her curiosity growing by the minute. She turned to face him, looking at him as his eyes danced about with nerves. "Umm...well...umm...Dana, would you marry me?" he asked simply, deadly serious. He looked at her, into her big blue eyes. She was speechless. After many attempts to answer him, she gave up and wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him down for a close embrace. He pulled away slightly, looking at her. He was also smiling. "Do I take that as yes, or as an 'I'll-think-about-it'?" he asked cheekily. "Oh, for God's sake, Mulder. Yes!" she said, hugging him tightly again. They held each other for a long while. Then Scully pulled away. "You are serious aren't you?" she asked, a hint of anxiety in her voice. Mulder nodded. "Sorry, I didn't get a ring or anything" he shrugged. "It...it doesn't matter" she smiled back. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him lightly. Their kiss grew more intense with each passing moment. And Mulder and Scully couldn't think they could become any happier. ********************************************************************* * * * * * * * * * * Mulder smiled at the thought that he and Scully 'consumated their engagement' that night in her apartment, and they were married four months afterwards. Mulder's thoughts were interupted by a small voice shrieking "Daddy!". A small, thin girl ran up to Mulder and clumsily climbed into his lap. He smiled at his daughter and kissed her forehead. "What are you doing up at this time. Mommy will get angry with me" he scolded his grinnng daughter. He grinned as well as she studied the screen saver. She giggled and pointed at the little aliens dancing across the screen in their UFO's. "Like earlier on? You and Mommy woke me up. You were shouting again" she said, tugging at his tie as she looked up at him. Mulder smiled in regret for his daughter having to live through his and Scully's arguments. He had sworn to himself not to let his children live through what he had to live through. he thought glumly, as he studied his daughter. She seemed unphased by her parents rowing. "Sorry, Starbuck, but Mom's and Dad's argue sometimes" he told her. She stared at him with her big hazel eyes, studying her father. Abigail Katherine Mulder was four years old and pretty clever for her age, Mulder had to admit. She had her mother's face, Mulder's hair and eye colour, and both her parents's stubborness. She was a very inquisitive girl, always asking questions about anything and everything. But Mulder hadn't seen her much lately due to work. He hated neglecting her, but he couldn't see any way out of work with out it bringing him futher behind. "Daddy, your tie is gross!" she exclaimed in that way that only children can. Mulder chuckled at the expression on her face. She fidgeted around on his lap and started punching away at the keyboard of the computer. The screen saver vanished and so did her fascination with the computer. "Come on, time for bed or Mommy will get angry" he said, lifting his tiny daughter up into his arms. "You are correct, Sir" came Scully's voice from the door. Mulder turned around, a wriggling Abi in his arms, and looked at his wife with an apologetic smile. Scully looked at him accusingly at first, but as she watched him failing in his attempt to get his wriggling daughter under control, she smiled. She thought to herself it was a shame he couldn't do it more often. Abi missed him, and she hated it when her daughter got upset because her father wouldn't be coming home early. "Steady on, Fox. You'll hurt her" she said, still not going over to help her struggling husband. She chuckled to herself, cherishing this rare moment. Aby was giggling too. "She's not the one who'll get hurt" he replied dryly as he managed to put his wriggling, kicking daughter onto her feet with breaking anything. Scully smiled again and took her daughter's hand. "I don't wanna go to bed yet!" she complained. "Come on, Starbuck" Scully said leading her daughter away. "Not yet! You and Daddy have to kiss!" she screamed, trying to pull her mother back to the study. "Abigail!" her mother's warning tone emerged. "No, you and Daddy were fighting, and now you have to make up. You have to kiss!" she exclaimed, telling her parents what to do. "My friend Sam said so! She went to her Mommy's wedd...weddung...and her new Daddy kissed her Mommy!" "Okay , Starbuck, but then you go to bed" Scully told her. Abi grinned at her and nodded. Scully reluctantly walked over to Mulder, kissed him only lightly on the cheek then took her daughter's hand again. "No, you have to kiss Daddy on the lips like this" she argued back, but puckering her lips up in an over the top manner which amused both her parents. "Abigail" Scully said, trying not to smile at the stubborness her daughter possessed. "Starbuck" Mulder warned her, trying to do the same. Abigail looked at them both with her father's puppy dog eyes, pleading with them. Scully sighed at her daughter's gift of persuasion. Scully walked back to Mulder, kissed him lightly on the lips then pulled away and looked at him with sad eyes as they heard Abi giggle excitedly and chant over and over that "Mommy and Daddy love each other again" Scully looked away from him. The tension in the air between culd have been cut with a hot knife. He tried to look at her face, but she avoided his eyes. He said nothing. She said nothing. Then, she pulled herself back to where her thoughts wandered and looked at her daughter as she ran off. Aby ran into her bedroom by herself, leaving her parents alone. "Mulder, please don't do this to her" she begged him, watching her daughter disappear, then left herself. Mulder knew what Scully meant. And he knew that things between them were very bad. That kiss had been so empty. So unloving. He watched as Scully went into their bedroom, then sat down in silence for a while, thinking to himself. Thinking about the past, present and an unknown future with his wife. He really didn't know what was to come, but he knew that a future with Scully would be the hardest thing of all to grasp. Scully laid down and wrapped the thick, warm blue bedspread around her in a failing attempt to find some comfort. She looked up at the bedside lamp and reached out for it. Her arm knocked a photo frame, and she looked at it for a minute. It was a picture of her, Mulder, Abi, Scully's mother, Bill and his family at Bill's house last Christmas. Scully's heart sank, they all looked so happy then, but now they were so far from it, it seemed impossible that they would ever get back to that happiness. Scully clicked off the light and lay awake in the dark, wondering whether she and Mulder would ever work this out. ----------X Two Months Later Margaret Scully residence Washington DC, Virginia August 16, 2011 10:13am Dana Scully climbed out of the car and out into the bright sunshine which cast down its warm rays onto her face. But she was feeling anything but happy and cheerful, the weather didn't portray how she was feeling. Her emotions were full of turmoil and frustration because she was unable to control the situation. She hated to be out of reach of control, and it hated her, becaus every time a situation was out of her hands, the consequences were always bad for her: her father's death, her sister's death. Scully shook the thoughts from her mind and walked along the road and up to the door of her mother's large house. She felt guilty to turn up at her Mom's unannounced and spill all her angst out onto her. Maggie had enough pressure and sorrow without having to deal wih Scully's problems. But Maggie Scully always put her children first. Scully knocked on the door and entered into the summery, warm house. "Mom?", she called, discarding her coat on the stand in the hall. She heard her mother's muffled voice call from the kitchen. Scully made her way through the living room to teh kitchen and was met by her mother and a large meal being cooked. "Dana! What are you doing here? You should have called! And where is my grand daughter!", Maggie greeted her own daughter with a kiss on the cheek as she pulled herself away from the cooker and all the wonderful aromas which filled the kitchen, and the entire family house. Scully still didn't know why her mother still lived here, by herself. The house was so big and empty if you were on your own here, and the memories always made Scully feel sad, because it was only the bad memories she could remember. Her mother said she stayed there for the memories too, but Scully couldn't understand. She decided her mother held many memories that she had never experienced. Or she had experienced, but was too caught up in work and sorrow to remember them, and that saddened Scully even more, that she couldn't remember those precious times that she had had with her family. "Abi's at school and I wanted to...see you" Dana explained. Maggie knew straight away something important was looming because of the way Dana stumbled and paused over the answer. "Well I'm gald you called by! You can help me" Maggie said cheerfully to her daighter. Scully smiled and went over the a large cooker and stared at the different pots and pans that held soon-to- be-enjoyed food. "Expecting someone?" Scully asked, dipping her finger into a large bowl of cake mixture. "Five people actually" Maggie said, checking the food which was roasting on the cooker. "Who?" "Bill, Tara and their kids" "Bill's coming?" Scully asked. She didn't hear from her big brother much. "Yes, I was actually going to call you, but I remembered you said your schedule was pretty full" her mother explained. "I know. Everyone in washington is dying at the moment" "Why aren't you at work?" her mother asked, changing the subject. That was like Maggie: getting to the heart of the problem without seeming nosy and blunt. "I needed to talk to somone" Scully simply said. "Why don't you talk to Fox?" "It's about Fox" Scully said with a note of saddness in her tone. "What is it, Sweety?" Maggie said, gesturing for her youngest daughter to sit down. "It's...it's...everything" Scully finally blurted out, sighing heavily. Maggie saw her daughters shoulders slump down in defeat. Something truly was wrong, and Maggie knew she wasn't going to like it either. "What, Sweety? Has Fox done something?" "Not something exactly. I don't know...it's seems so selfish, but at the same time, it seems so right for Abi...It's just too hard. I don't know what..." Scully rambled on. Her mother hadn't a clue what she was talking about, but the incoherent babblings Dana was spilling out wasn't a good sign. "Dana...ok, from the beginning. What is the matter, then I'll try to help you sort it out" she said encouragingly. "That's just it Mom! I don't think anyone can 'sort it out'!" Scully screamed out, seemingly accusing her mother that it was her fault. Tears blurred Scully's eyes and the confusion she felt reached boiling point. "Sort what?" Maggie asked, clasping her daughters hands in hers. "Our marriage. Mul...Fox has been...he's just never there any more. Abi's birthday, my birthday...Thanksgiving! He wasn't here with the family, even you know that! That gave Bill even more reason to hate him! His stupid 'promotion' has just...I don't know...taken him away. I can't stand it!" "Dana, your father and I hardly saw each other when he was at sea. But I knew he would come back, you have to think the same" her mother's comforting words soothed her daughter. "But, I don't know if he will come back, Mom. He's in the FBI, always out in the field if not stuck behind his desk till the unearthly hours of the morning. I don't know whether he'll be shot tomorrow, wounded next week, dead next month. And he never comes home to tell me he's alright, never phones me. And Abi knows now. I hear her when I go to bed, her cries in her sleep, Mom. I don't know what to do, to say to her..." Dana's voice broke. The tears, the tension and the confusion that had been building up for seven months now had broken through the independant walls which Scully had built round her emotions. The colourless, glistening tears fell freely down her porcelain features. Maggie Scully encircled her daughter in a warm, reassuring hug. She knew her daughter still loved Fox, that would never end, but their being together and their marriage might end. She feared that for her daughter, it had taken Dana so liong to find happiness. But, as Margaret reassured her daughter everything would be back to normal soon, she was finding it harder to reassure herself that same thing. Maggie hoped beyond hope that she was wrong, but something was telling her otherwise, and she hated herself for it. "Mom, when you and Dad were apart, did you ever wish that you hadn't married him?" Scully asked, a while after she had calmed herself down, with her mother's help. "No, Dana. No, I didn't. Why? Do you feel that way about..." Dana nodded her head solemnly, fresh tears flowing down her face like minature streams. "And, I hate myself for it" she whispered. Maggie held her as she continued to speak. "He said that he would always be there for me. I know that sounds really corny, but he did, and I kept him to it. But, he just doesn't seem to hear what I say anymore. He doesn't realise how much Abi and I miss him" "Abi and you, or just you?" her mother asked, pulling away from her daughter to read her expression. "I...mom...me and Abi of course...we..." Dana stuttered then gave up. Her mother was right, she was mainly thinking of herself. "But, his absence hurts Abi too. She always asks where he is, and I lie to her. That's the hardest thing I've ever done. Lying to my daughter. I can't lie to anyone, but its hardest for me when I do it to her. I raise her hopes only to know she will be even more disappointed later on. And she does get even more disappointed, even crushed. This whole things seems to have hardly any solution that will make everyone happy. I don't know what to do. It's seems impossible that we'll work things out" she spoke with an element of despair. "Dana, no one can make up your mind about what you are going to do. No one, not even me. But, whatever you decide is for the best, even if I don't agree with you, I'll be there for you if you ever need me to be" her mother told her. Scully wiped away the trails of tears, smilied thankfully at her mother and hugged her. "Thanks Mom" she said, huging her tightly. "Your welcome, Sweety" Maggie replied, returning the hug. Scully pulled away and got up. "Better leave you to it, Mom. You could ruin the whole dinner if I keep you any longer" "Dana, you can stay longer..." "No, I have to get into work. I've got an autopsy scheduled at the hospital in an hour" "I still don't know why you do that work" her mother muttered as Scully walked away. Dana knew she was meant to hear it. "Bye, Mom" Scully called, smiling slightly. She felt better now. "Bye, Honey" Maggie called as Scully shut the front door, walked from the porch to the car and went to work, with a clear idea of how to cope with her marital problems. she thought solemly as she started the car and drove off. For the first time in two months, she had a little more hope that the impossible could be possible. --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X End 1/4 ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X Everliving 2/4 by Trustyone --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X "I thought when love for you died, I should die. It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on" - Rupert Brooke --------------------------------------------------------------------X --------------------X Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia August 16, 2011 1:25pm Mulder drove up the gravel drive again, accept there was one difference. He was home earlier, it was still daylight. He parked the car, got out and ran to the house. He hastily opened the door and deposited his briefcase and jacket. He made his way upstairs to get changed. Ten minutes later he apppeared in jeans and a white T-shirt as Scully walked through the door carrying a lot of groceries and trying to restrain her excited eyt struggling daughter. She didn't see Mulder as he helped with the groceries, but for the first time in a few months she looked thankful towards him. He carried the groceries through to the kitchen while Scully calmed Abi down who was running around the house with excitement as her father was home. Through the afternoon he, Scully and Abi prepared dinner and sat down as a family to eat it. Mulder and Scully shared stories of their day at work and listened to Abi talk about which kid had thrown their dinner and had gotten into trouble for it. They alkl sat infront of the television to watch a video Abi had chosen, but Mulder and Scully quiet exchanged chit-chat as Abi became emersed in the Disney magic of 'The Lion-King'. At the end of the video, Mulder and Scully both put Abi to bed, tucked her in and kissed her good night. They made sure she was asleep and went back downstairs. Scully flicked of the video and television. She knew it was time to talk. "Mulder, why did you come home early today?" Scully asked him, turning her attention fully towards him. "So we could talk" he answered back, a sad tone evident in his whispery voice. The words seemed to hurt him a lot, and Scully felt sorry for him that he was now the parent of the upset child. He had known what it was like to be in Abi's position and she could tell that the guilt he felt was taking its toll on him. He had promised her, and himself too, that he would never allow Abi to be subjected to the evil childhood experience he had had to endure, and she knew that he would keep his word. "To talk about..?" she pushed him. "Our relationship, and how we have to do something about it for Abi" he told her, looking her straight in the eyes. They were hard and serious. Scully knew he was hiding something. Pain? Guilt? She couldn't tell. "I know" she said, avoiding his gaze. She didn't like the tone her voice had taken. "Well, we have to do something" "We? Excuse me, but it's more you than *we*" Scully lashed out angrily, standing up from the sofa and walking across the room. To be away from Mulder, away from the person she didn't want to hurt. "Scully, please can we not have an argument this time? We'd only be repeating ourselves, annoying each other, not discussing what is relevent here, and generally not getting any further than we are after seven months of arguing!" Mulder calmly said, taking Scully a little by suprise. He stayed seated on the sofa. Scully had her back to him, staring out the window at the jet black sky which was sprinkled with delicate stars. Scully sighed heavily, knowing he was right. "The what do you suggest?" she said, still not turning to him. She didn't want to see those pleading hazel eyes. "What do you suggest?" he contradicted her. She seemed annoying but still wouldn't ace him. He needed her to look at him. He wanted to see if what she said was the truth. Her eyes always betrayed her inner most feelings. Even though she hid her emotions well, he could always look at her and know if she was hiding something. It was the same for her, when she looked at him. "I asked you first!" she challenged, finally turning to confront him. Her blue eyes were fiery and her temper was slowly building. "I know, but I want to hear what you have to say, before you have a go at my ideas" he explained, trying to make it into a joke. It didn't work. "You already know what I want!" she told him, "I want you at home more often, with your child and me, spending time with us" she said more gently. "I know, I want that too but-" he said looking at his clasped hands. "Then why don't you?" she interupted, not wanting to hear the 'but'. "*But*, I can't just leave work early. If I leave early, it screws other people up, that in turn makes me look bad, making me lose my job, thus less money comes in and we end up having to move out of our home, give up some of our 'privelages' and..." he explained, raising his eyes to hers. She looked away again, frustrating him more. "I pay the bills too! I work and bring money into this house. You don't do it all by your self! Can't you see that *people* in this house need you and not your fucking money!" she screamed at him. "Well, I'm sorry but I'm only doing what I think is right for our family!" he protested, standing up. "Right? Right?! All your doing is tearing us apart!" she screamed, "I mean, look at us. Look what we're doing!" she said more gently. "We can't keep this up. I mean, Abi hates it. She may not show it now, but later on it will. I would just be better if we just broke up. At least we wouldn't be at each other's throats-" she said in an off-the-cuff manner. "What? Break up...permanently?" Mulder interupted her. The words cut through both of them like a hot knife through butter, reaching into their very cores and causing immense pain that wouldn't easily go away. Scully said nothing, and lowered her gaze. Mulder's heart fell as he realised her words had meaning. She wanted them to break up, divorce. In the long run, if the arguments didn't stop, he felt divorce would be a lot easier on Abi. "Dana...what...why...how can you say that" Mulder's voice trembled, a mere whisper of hurt. "I...Fox, we've...we haven't been able to discuss a thing without blowing up in each other's faces. I don't want Abi to live through *our* bloodshed. Even you must agree with me on that" Scully said queitly, still not looking at Mulder. This was tearing her apart, but she kept reminding herself she was doing this for Abi. "Scully...don't you love me any more?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject and throwing Scully a little off balance. "What?...That has nothing to do with-" "Well?" he asked again, not giving up. He looked at her, looking into her eyes, "If you say no, I will divorce you if you want me to. I don't want you to have to live with me if you don't want to. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to" he said soothingly. Scully's voice caught in her throat. "I...I..." "Yes or no Dana. That's all I want to hear" he pushed her. Scully stared hard at him, trying to read any hidden messages that lay beneath is all too calm exterior, but those emotional barriers which he had built up betrayed nothing. Scully took a deep breath she reminded herself. "No" she gasped out, "No...I don't you love you...not any more" she whispered. As she said those words her chest seemed to be crushed by large boulders, her heart seemingly died. She suddenly realised how much she was lying and the words she spoke seemed to stab her like a million knives as they came out, one by one. They were the hardest words she ever had to speak. Mulder was speechless. Speechless for hurt, anger and betrayal. Scully was his best friend, most trusted confidant and now, she was betraying him with the hardest thing of all: hate. he asked himself. If her answer was because of him, he hated himself too. Her words shot through him, destroying him. "Fine" he simply said. He looked about, looking any where but at her. He saw the door then made his exit. Scully sighed a sigh of regret, slumped on the sofa and let her heart fall and smash into a hundred pieces, wishing that would happen to her body. God, she deserved it. She wanted to die, it was the least she could to to understand the amount of pain Mulder was feeling. She was hurting more then anything herself for hurting him. ----------X Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia August 16, 2011 11:21pm Mulder appeared in the doorway again, half an hour later. Scully hadn't moved from the couch and her eyes were closed. Mulder decided not to wake her and leave her a note. He had to leave before it hurt him any more. As he moved the door further open, Scully's eyes opened and looked at Mulder. "Mu...Fox, what are you doing?" she asked, sitting up fully. "Dana, I'm going" he said, not moving from the doorway, "You're right. It's best for Abi. Give her this please" he said, walking over to her and handing her a big envelope. As he moved she could see the two suitcases in the hallway. His eyes were red, probably from crying. Scully's heart felt even heavier. Mulder looked at Scully's fallen face, the dark circles under her eyes showed the stress and strain of the past few months. Her complexion was paler and her features seemed gaunt. Mulder felt a pang of immense pain strike through his emotions. Scully didn't seem the slightest bit affected by the last discussion they had shared. He was leaving their house. They were breaking their life-long promise: their marriage. And she didn't seem to care. That hurt him the most But he couldn't be any more wrong. Scully felt responsible for tearing her family apart. Would Abi hate her for this? Dana was just trying to take the pain out of her daughter's life. But, Scully never showed her emotions, thinking she could deal with them alone, so she constructed those high walls around her, to protect and hide behind and to keep people at a distance. The only person she would occasionally let through the barrier was the person leaving and hating her. That tore her apart. Mulder smiled weakly in her direction but avoided looking directly at her. She didn't say anything else, she couldn't. She watched Mulder leave, wanting herslef to just pull him back and hold on for dear life. But she knew if she did that, things wouldn't change. Mulder heaved up the suitcases and opened the door. He looked exhausted and full of sorrow. He slowly made his way out the front door. Dana sat still, frozen by the realsiation of what was going on. Of all the things she had imagined would happen to her after marrying Mulder, splitting up was not one of them. The door shut closed with a sickening click, sounding through the empty hallway and into the lounge and Scully's heart broke. ----------X Samantha Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia August 17, 2011 1:03am Samantha Mulder mumbled obscenities as she tied her robe while making her way down the stairs to the front door she thought as she switched on the porch light and unlatched the door to show a numb, weary looking Fox Mulder. "Fox?" Samantha asked with evident worry. She grabbed one of the suitcases from him and pulled it inside, gesturing him to do the same. "What's wrong?" she asked. Mulder didn't relpy straight away. The tension and emotional impact on him was showing. "Sc...Dana and I have...we're divorcing" his voice came to breaking point on the last word. His eyes began to water but he told himself not to cry, not in front of Sam. He always wanted to be seen as strong in her eyes. "What?! Oh God, Fox. I'm so sorry. If...if you want to talk, I'll listen" she offered, sitting herself down. She patted the seat next to her for Mulder to sit. Mulder obliged. "We...we were talking about...our relationship. You know we've been arguing a lot lately, but it's been getting worse. And tonight we finally talked about it. We came to talk about...breaking up. I asked Scully if she meant divorce...I...I took her silence as yes..." he tried to hold back more tears, fighting down the aching feeling he was feeling deep down. "She did that!?" Sam muttered, astonished that Dana would do that to Fox. They loved each other so much, so Sam had thought. She couldn't imagine Dana doing such a cruel thing. Mulder numbly nodded, "I asked her if she loved me..." "She didn't answer?" Sam tried a guess, considering what she had just been told. "No, she said...no" he whispered. Sam put a comforting arm around her big brother. After everything with her father had been sorted out, well compromised, she had learned a great deal about how Fox searched for her for years. Her mother said he had tried as a young boy, but Fox said that their parents gave up on her. Sam now felt greatly in debt towards her brother. He had devoted so much of his life to her, and now she was back to return the favour. The only thing she could do was to be there for him. That person had been Scully...once. But Sam owed it to Fox now. "Fox, you can stay here as long as you need to. Okay? And if you *ever* need to talk, I'll be here. Just grab me, I don't care if I'm busy. Okay?" she told him, sincerely. "Thanks Sam" he finally answered, resting his head on her shoulder. She rubbed his arm and rose from the sofa, pushing him gently to lie down. She went to get a pillow and blankets, and gave them to him. She left him lying on the sofa staring at the ceiling. "Sleep well" she said, walking back to her room. Although they both knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. Mulder didn't know if would be able to sleep again. Scully had always been there to comfort him during his nightmares and when his demons had returned every once in a while, and now he was alone. And he was afraid that this time, the nightmares and demons would consume him again to the point where not even Dana could bring him back. His whole world seemed to crash down around him forthe second time in his life. And his hope that things would return to normal was becoming more of a flicker that was slowly burning out. ----------X Twelve Months Later Fox Mulder residence Washinton, Virginia August 17, 2012 9:37am Assistant Director Fox Mulder ran into his apartment after a long, invigorating jog. It wasn't early but he hadn't been sleeping lately, mainly due to the fact that a large case as about to be out to an end and the pressure was on him, AD Colton and Director Skinner to organise the survailance teams and man hours. But he didn't want to think about that. Hew as already alte for work so he decided to call in an hour late. After pissing off Colton he picked up his mail. It was ironic that before and after his marriage to Scully he would live in the same apartment building, accept he was three floors below his old place. Not that he wanted to go back there, to apartment 42. Tainted water, dead men, bugs, various MIB's breaking in to search through his stuff. Those were things he didn't want to remember. He grabbed his mail from his mail 'box' downstairs. As he made his way back to his apartment he rifled through the various envelopes. he thought without much notice. He reached his apartment, still looking through the mail. He came to the last letters, which brought hi to his full attention, and brought a pang of hurt to his insides. He took out the letter with a great amout of urgency and read it thoroughly. It read: _____________________________________________________________________ Black, Johnson & Williams Solicitors 23rd Street, Washington , DC Virginia, Dear Fox W. Mulder, We are writing to inform you that from August 30, 2012, you will be officially divorced from Mrs. Dana Scully. She has also been informed of this date and we are also reminding you that you are still owing our company the total sum.... _____________________________________________________________________ Mulder read the words over and over again. It was official, by law, that he and Scully were soon to be no longer husband and wife. He placed the letter on his desk, not taking his eyes off the words 'officially divorced'. He hadn't thought, he didn't want to think, about it for the past few months. He and Scully had been getting on better, just like they had been before they had started a relationship at all. That's why he hadn't thought about the divorce, he hadn't believed it was happening. He still saw Abi, if only it was twice a week. Scully always said it was an improvement on when they had been married (the last few months only). She could talk about the divorce like it was nothing at all and that got to Mulder. He couldn't understand why she didn't still hurt and ache from it. He knew he did, he felt it. But now they didn't share as much as they did. But that was only natural. They were just friends now. He knew there was nothing that could get them back together. Nothing. They were now a whole which had been seperated, broken, and that hurt him. And he didn't know, but it hurt her too. ----------X Fox Mulder residence Washington DC, Virginia August 5, 2012 9:57pm Agent Mulder was relieved to drop his heavy breifcase down be the door and discard his caot. Today had been long. Too long for his liking. Meetings and hearings after meetings and hearings. He had had it with Colton and his self-swollen ego. That man could talk about his perfect self all day and night, that's if no one punched him in the jaw before hand. Mulder chuckled at that. Skinner, himself, Colton and a few senior agents were in discussion about an agent who had broken the 'rules'. It got to Mulder that when he was in the X Files, he did the same things, breaking the rules, but hardly ever got an official reprimand for abouse of power. Mulder rolled his eyes at the 'reason' why they had suspended the agent. Anyway, Colton ahd been going on and on and on about him never doing anything ike that in all his time at the FBI, but that Spooky had done. Skinner was also annoyed and ended up 'accidently' smacking the back of Colton's head with his arm as he walked behind him. Mulder flopped down on the blackcouch, loosened his tie and undid the top button on his shirt. He flicked on the small television and left the channel that was already on, listening to the latest headlines of the day as he disappeared to get something to eat. "And the latest on the shooting at the DC General Hospital. It has been revealed that the shooter who held two doctors at gun point was a convicted criminal who had been involved in a brawl at his secure prison he been taken to the hospital because of serious injuries. The gun is believed to be of the prison officer who accompanied Mr Matthews to the hospital. "The two doctors, Doctor Collins and Doctor Scully were..." Mulder ran to see the screen. There was only an 'artistic' shot of the hospital building and the young female reporter. He distantly heard the words she said, but they didn't register. Fear coursed through his body and he grabbed his keys and headed for his car, leaving the TV on. "No one was harmed and the prisoner, Daniel Matthews, was apprehended as he tried to escape. The prison officer recieved a head wound, and is now stable, but no one else was harmed. Any one going to the hospital is told that there is nothing to worry about..." ----------X Dana Scully residence Washington DC, Virginia August 5, 2012 10:13pm Scully cautiously went to the door, reaching for her gun, realising it wasn't there. She didn't work for the federal governemt now, and evey now and then she had to remind herself. The reason why she was being cautious because there was someone trying to bang the door down, Abi was scared and after the incident at the hospital, she was feeling a little shaken. "Who is it Mommy?" Abi asked, hiding behind the far bedroom door. "I don't know-" "Scully!!! Scully? Are you Okay?!" Mulder's voice ran out, calming and alarming Scully at the same time. "DADDY!" Abigail screamed in excitment, running to her mother. Scully unlatched the door, trying to calm her nerves and racing heart. "Daddy!" Abigail shreiked again, jumping at her father. He caught her and picked her up. "Hey Starbuck!" he said, smiling at her. She hugged him tightly as he carried her in. Scully was amazed that he seemed oblivious to what he ahd just done, and allowing himself in without asking. Not that he actaully needed to ask. "Aren't you suposed to be in bed?" he asked his cheeky daughter. She nodded with a a big grin and a mischevious glint in her hazel eyes. "Yes she is" Scully chimed in. "Well, to bed you go, Starbuck" Mulder said, carrying Abi into her room, ignoring her childish protests. "Come on Fox. Make yourself at home. Oh, yeah, 'Hi' to you too!" she said sarcastically as she shut the door. "Sorry" he said, returning from Abi's bedroom. "So, what do I owe this...loud visit" she said, seating herself on the couch. "Well, I heard about the incident at the...and I just wanted to know if you were...and Abi was...alright" he finally finished a full sentence. Scully smiled a rare, genuine smile at the way he fumbled trying to answer her question. "Heard of a phone?" she said. She instantly hated saying that. She sounded cold and unappreciative of his concern for her and Abi. And she saw the hurt look briefly cross his face. "I'm sorry. Just after that crazed manic, I'm a little snappish at the moment", she shrugged in apology. "S'okay. I understand. It's just...I don't know...well seeing as though as I'm here, lets have a chat" he said, trying to steer the subject away. Although he wasn't sure what he was steering from. "Okay...so...how was your day? You already know mine!" she said, smiling, but watching the soundless television. "Umm...meetings after meetings. You know. Boring" he said. He decided not to bother telling her about Colton, even though she would enjoy the story. "Okay...oh, by the way, Abi's class are doing a school performance, and she asked me to ask you to be there" she said, looking at Mulder. "Sure, when?" he asked. "September 13, when she's back at school" she said, looing back at the TV. She knew he was going to say that he had work, and wouldn't be able to get away. "September 13...that's a tuesday? Umm...yeah, I'll be there" he said. A look of suprise hit Scully. Her head snapped round to lookm at him. "What?" he asked. "Wel...nothing...nothing" she said, hiding a small smile. "Mom? Is Daddy still here?" Abi's voice floated from her room. Mulder shook his head at Scully. "No, Sweetheart, he's gone" she called back. "Who you talking to then?" "Umm...The television is on, Honey. I'll turn it down. Go to sleep" she called back. Mulder rose from the sofa. "I better go, before Starbuck gets up and gives you Hell" he said smiling. Scully nodded, following him to the door. "Well, bye" he said, as he opened the door. "Bye" she repeated, holding the door open. "Thanks for...checking up on me and Abi" she said. Mulder smiled again. "I'll call you next time if anything should happen. Save you driving over here" she said, a playful tone in her light voice. "I'll hold ya to that! But, hey, I don't mind. I enjoy the company!" he said. It was Scully's turn to smile. "Mom" Abi called. "Coming" she returned. "I better go" Mulder said quietly. Scully mouthed an 'Okay' and smiled again. Mulder turned to go and Scully watched a minute as he walked down the hallway of her apartment building. She realised that he was still the caring, trusting Mulder she had worked with, married...and divorced. She shook the last memory from her mind and went to see her daughter. ----------X Assistant Dirctor F. Mulder's Office J.Edgar Hoover Building Washington DC, Virginia September 13, 2012 3:10pm The flustered agent feverishly worked quickly, signing documents, forms, and other applications and pieces of paper. He wanted to leave as quickly as possible because he was going to Abi's school performance with Scully. He didn't want to be late and it started in half an hour. He needed to get home, change and grab a bite to eat. He never took very long. He quickly put the appropriate forms into the appropraie folders. Now he knew what Skinner had to put up with. But now it was him and Colton who had it hard. Skinner had it very easy as the Director. Luck for Mulder, Skinner was a good friend to him, even though the X Files were no longer open. Mulder wne to grab his coat off the coat stand in the far corner but the phone just happened to ring at that point. he thought with slight impatience. "Mulder" "Assisant Director Fox Mulder?" a female voice said hesitantly. "Yes. Who is this?" Mulder asked in his professional tone, which some found slightly intimidating. "This is nurse Huges at DC general. Your daughter and wife were brought in. They've been in an accident. Your daughter has been asking for you" the nurse said gently but confidently. "Are they alright?" Mulder tried to mask the worry and concern in his voice, but it failed. "I would rather discuss it with you in person. And so would Doctor Williams" "Can't you tell me anything" "I'm sorry. Hospital policy. We can't discuss patients state of health over the phone" "Alright, I'm on my way. Let my daughter, and Dana Scully know" he said, hanging up without letting the nurse reply. Mulder informed his secretary to take any messages for him and practically run to hs car. The worry he was feeling gave him a headache. ----------X Washington DC General Hospital Washington DC, Virginia September 1, 2012 3:57pm Assistant Fox Mulder walked briskly up to the reception desk and asked for nurse Hughes. "I'm sorry, she's off her shift now. But she did leave amessage for a Mister Mulder. You him?", said the very young brunette with an eye of suspision. Mulder nodded and the girl popped her gum. "Umm...Doctor Williams will explain everything to you, he'll meet you here. Ask at reception to get him' Oh! Yeah...wait here" the girl finally came to some sort of sense and Mulder anxiously sat down. A couple of minutes later an Asian man in his fifties walked up to him. "Mr Mulder? I'm doctor Collins, I'm looking after your daughter and wife with another doctor, a Mr. Jack Collins" he said in a strong american accent. "Ex-wife. We're divorced now" Mulder corrected him. Well, he had to get used to it himself, why not correct others? "Pardon my ignorance. You are on her medical will as next of kin. Pardon my presumedness" he apologised earnestly, leading Mulder towards the elevators. "How are they?" Muder asked, ignoring what the man had said and got back on to the original topic. "Ahh, yes. You daughter and her mother were brough in with injuries from an accident-" "What happened?" Mulder asked as they entered on of the silver elevators. The doctor hit the button for the third floor. "Another car, a drunken man, slammed into your wife's car. He hit the passenger side at the back. He has serious head injuries-" "And Abi?" "Abigail has sustained some injuries herself. Her mother has a few bumps and bruises. If it wasn't for her medical skills, the man and your daughter may not be in the conditions they are in now" "How serious are Abi's injuries?" he asked. At least he was relieved to hear that Scully was going to be okay, but that horrid feeling in his mind just wouldn't leave him alone. The elevator arrived at it's destination and the men stepped out and proceeded down another corridor, identical to the one on the ground floor. "She was in the back of the car when the accident occured. She was knocked her sea and into the front seats with your wi...her mother. She sustained mass internal bleeding. She's in theatre at the moment" the doctor sad slowly, allowing the dreadful information to sink in to the visibly shaken Mulder. "But the nurse said Abigail was asking for me" Mulder whispered. The feeling was still there, consuming his mind with the concern for his daughter. "Yes. She was asking for both you and her mother. She was in extreme pain, we had take her in to surgery. Her mother asked us to contact you" "Can I see her?" he asked. He needed to talk with someone, someone he trusted. The doctor pointed a little further down the hall. "The third room on your left" he said and turned away as another doctor walked towards them. The doctors started discussing another patient as Mulder neared the room. He opened the door to see a fear-stricken Scully sat down on one of the seats. there were a couple of single seats in one corner and two long, sofa-like seats which lined the two walls opposite from the door he was standing at. Her arms were crossed protectively arond her petite form and her eyes were red from crying. She had a few small stitches on her forehead from the accident, but she was unscathed physically. But mentally she was in immense pain. Her forehead was creased into wrinkles of worry. Her mouth was slightly down turned. As she saw Mulder eneter the room and close the door quietly behind him, she stiffened up, trying to hide her fear and concern from him. She looked at him with worry-filled eyes as he walked in and sat in the seat beside her. They didn't speak for a few minutes but the tension in the air was builidng up to the point of exploding. They shared an uncomfortable silence, both wanting to talk about the current situation, but they felt awkward. The silence had become practically deafening to Mulder's ears, making his eardrums pound inside his skull, making his headache increase in pressure. He broke the silence before it make his own head explode. "Scully...you okay?" he asked, trying to break the silence and start a conversation. Even if it was an empty converstaion with no real topic, it would be better than the hostile tension that would be present instead. Scully seemed afraid to speak, but nodded numbly in answer. It took a while to respond. Mulder realised that the full implications of what had happened to her and Abi were just starting sink in. "Abi'll be okay. She's a fighter, like you and me. She'll get through this" he tried to comfort her. But he was having a hard time trying to convince himself too. His mind was in turmoil, but he put on a calm facade to help Scully through this. "How do you! She could die in that theatre, without me there" Scully screamed, back. Her voice suddenly functioning again. Mulder looked at her as Scully stood up and started to pace about the small room. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. His heartstrings seemed to tangle up and the sight of her trying to fight this battle of emotion alone. "Scully, how can you say that? You have to think postively for Abi. We can't do anything for her at the moment, but getting angry at each other won't help her either" Mulder stated, trying to stay calm for Scully's sake. Even though he was divorced from Scully now, he still loved her, as a friend, lover, confidante. The trust, for him, was still there between them. "I'm...I'm sorry. It's just...why did that bastard have to be drinking and driving" she sighed, slumping down in the closest chair. All her frustraion and worry was taking a lot out of her. "Only he can answer that, but he's paying for that too. I know he deserves it, but we should be thinking about Abi. Have you called your mother?" Mulder asked, still sitting, but paying his full attention to Scully. "No. I couldn't. I can't. I...would you please? I'd rather cry to her in person, not on a phone" she tried to joke. A thin smile traced on her lips. Her lips curved down, back into a sorrowful, sad pout. The worry was evident in her voice, face, and actions. And the exhaustion was there too. "Yeah. I'll call her. I'll be back in a minute. You want anything? A coffee?" "Please. Coffee-" "Milk, no sugar. I know" he smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood himself. They exchanged a strained half smile, then Mulder left to give the news to Maggie Scully. --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X End 2/4 ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X Everliving 3/4 by Trustyone --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X "Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never" - Charles Caleb Colton --------------------------------------------------------------------X ---------X Waiting room, third floor Washington DC General Hospital Washington DC, Virginia September 1, 2012 4:17pm "Dana?" Mulder asked, walking into the waiting room and handing her her coffee.he sat down beside her on the sofa-like chair. She smiled, although a weak smile, thankfully at him, and took the warm liquid. She revelled in the calming aroma which assaulted her nostrils. She took a sip, letting the liquid slide down her throat. She thought it would help calm her, but it didn't do anything for her, apart from re-hydrate her. She hadn't eaten or drank anything since breakfast. "Did you call Mom?" she asked exhaustedly. "Yep. She'll be here 'A.S.A.P.' she said" he replied, staring into his own cup. "Mulder, do you think she'll be all right?" Scully finally spoke, staring at the swirling coffee in the plastic cup. "Yeah, of course. People pull through car accident related injuries every day" "And others don't" she added quietly. She closed her eyes at the thought briefly. Mulder caught that rare look into Dana's weaknesses as she momentarily let her independant guard down. He wanted to talk to her, open up to her, but he knew she would try and distance herself from him as he tried to make her open up to him. "Scully, you can't think the worst! That's the worst thing you can do" Mulder said, putting his coffee on the table and focusing his full attention on her. The coffee tasted like hot water anyway. "Fox, I'm being realistic. She had bad injuries. I don't wnat to get my hopes up only to have them..." she tailed off, her eyes watering slightly, but she made herself hold them back. "I know how you feel, honsetly I do. But, you cannot act defeated now. The doctor's are doing their work now, and Abi is a fighter" he tried to comfort her, but she didn't betray any emotion. She sat there staring into her drink like a lifeless dummy. A mere shell. "But, what if...she...I couldn't...she can't..." she tried to speak, but the turmoil she was trying to fight over-powered her emotional barriers and the fear she felt surfaced. The cold, salty tears fell down her thin face. Mulder turned a little and wrapped his arms around her small frame, hugging her comfortingly. She didn't turn towards him, but didn't push him away. Her form shook with the sobs as she leaned into his chest. Her body seemed heavy and weak, defeated and full of fear. Mulder wished her pain could go away with a mere wish, but he knew that wasn't so simple. He felt the pain she showd at this moment, but he didn't want to show his weakness, not now. He had to stay strong for Dana. She had lost a daughter before, he knew this waiting was reminding her of Emily. And he hated himself for not being able to do anything about it. He held her as she cried, stroking her arm. He kissed her hair lightly and held her tired body. She couldn't take much more sorrow and stress. She needed rest. Suddenly Dana became quiet but just rested him Mulder's embrace. He looked down at her tear-stained face to see her eyes had closed. He shifted so she could lie down on the long sofa. He rested her head on one of the arm's of the sofa and placed his long coat over her as a blanket. He tried not to makie any noise sso she wasn't disturbed. He sat on the other sofa and flicked through one of the magazine's which were resting on the table. It was two years out of date, but he was too bored and too awake to do nothing. He glanced at Dana every now and then as she stirred and groaned in her fitful sleep. He had naightmares on many occasions so knew what she was going through. He wished she could be taken away from all this and he desperately wanted Abi to suddenly run through the door screaming at him that she was alright. He hadn't seen Abi in a week, was he was now feeling very guilty for. He had had to cancel and settle with talking to her on the phone for a short while because he was called away on case. He wished now he had cancelled, or not taken that stupid promotion in the first place. That seemed to be the root cause of the past years' suffering for him. But, he couldn't change the past. He knew that, all too well. He watched Scully sleep again, hoping she was away from the pain, if only for a little while. She loved Abi. He loved Abi. And he knew that if she should not get through this, both of them would go to pieces. He knew Scully wouldn't tell anyone and try to deal with it alone, but he knew she would hurt. He would hurt. The pain of losing Samantha had haunted him for years, but he had got her back because he lived with the hope that she was still alive. If Abi died, he wouldn't have that hope, and neither would Scully. That would be the hardest thing to deal with, the knowing. he prayed silently in desperation, hoping God for once, would answer him. Mulder had seen enough pain in his lidfe, both directly and indirectly. He didn't think he could take any more. He looked up, pulled away from his sorrowful train of thoughts, as a gentle, almost comforting knock echoed through the silent room. Mulder knew it was her, it always was. Maggie Scully was always there, for support and advice. She was his unbiological mother, and she had adopted him as a son. He was thankful that she had accepted him into her life too, even though some of Scully's siblings hadn't. Not that he could blame Bill. It was primarily his fault that Dana got into all the dangerous situations that she did: the abduction, various hostage situations, the experiments, the cancer, his own demon-plagued life. He was thankfully that Dana hadn't bailed on him in the beginning, had stuck by him, his X Files and his search for the Truth. He sighed in disappointment that he had put them through so much and hadn't come out with anything in return, the Truth was still out there to be discovered. Mulder waved for Maggie to come in, thankful that a kind soul had finally come to bear comfort and hope. ----------X 5:47pm "Dana?" a feverishly worried Maggie Scully asked as she entered the waiting room. The small, dark-haired, middle-aged woman opened the door hesitantly at first, looking, searching for her poor daughter. She was glad to see her asleep on the chair, Mulder put a finger to his mouth to tell her to be quiet. Maggie smiled in response and placed her bag down gently. She greeted Mulder with a hug and they both sat down in a silence that could only be described as uncomfortable. "Fox, are you all right?" Maggie broke the uncomfortable silence with her warm, caring voice. The reason why this was uncomfortable for noth of them wa because they hadn't seen each other since before the divorce between him and Scully, and now they were meeting under sad circumstances. "Yeah. Good as could be expected, but Scu...Dana, she's a little shaken. She just fell asleep actually" Mulder said, looking with care at his sleep ex-wife. Maggie saw the look in his eye and she realised that love *was* blind. "I'm not suprised, after Emily and all. This can only take a toll on her. But, I want to know how you are Fox. Are you keeping well? I haven't seen my grand-daughter's father in almost six months" Maggie tried to smile at him, hoping for a sign of happiness in him, but all he gave back was a grim smile. "I'm...fine" he simply stated. Maggie knew instantly that he wasn't. She couldn't count the number of times Scully had said that to her, and Mulder did the same. "Really?" Maggie said, not really questioning, but telling him he was wrong. Mulder smiled at her with the realisation that Maggie knew he was lying. He looked at her with a lop-sided grin and shook his head in defeat. "Mother's instinct" she quipped. Mulder nodded in agreement. "I'm okay at the moment, really. But I need to be alright for Dana. She needs all the strength she can get from me, as does Abi" "How long will the doctors be?" Maggie asked, knowing that Mulder still had feelings for her daughter. She couldn't believe that this intelligent man could be so stupid, as her daughter could be at times. God knows how long it took them to get together in the first place, and for herself to get a grandchild which she could see every weekend. Bill's son Matthew lived too far away and was just begining to speak, but a phone conversation with her grandson wasn't as nice as actually seeing him. "They don't know. It depends on the extent of her injuries. I hope they aren't much longer. My stress levels are getting way too high" Mulder tried to lighten his own mood, but chuckled at the lameness of his own joke. Scully stirred again in her sleep, took a deep breath and sighed. She rolled back onto her side and pulled Mulder's jacket around her neck. Maggie looked at how peaceful her daughter was. She smiled to herself for a moment. She looked at Mulder who seemed all tense and nervous. He looked tired as well. "Why don't you sleep?" Maggie suggested. "Nah, I couldn't. I'm back to being an insomniac" he quipped again. Maggie smiled in sympathy for him. He was totally shocked, and scared by this. He wanted his daughter to pull through this. He needed to hear it, he wanted to hear it, but if he did hear it, from himself or someone else, he wouldn't want to believe it in case everything went wrong. It was a conflict he hated. He sat back, rubbing his eyes, determined to stay awake for when the doctors came. Maggie placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, knowing his pain. She had sat too many times in a hospital, watching Missy slip away, watching Dana nearly slip away twice. She hoped to God that Abi was like her mother, that she wouldn't give up on life. And she hoped that Abi's parents wouldn't have to endure this pain and see their beautiful daughter to grow up. ----------X 6:02pm "Mr. Mulder, Scully?" a balding doctor walked into the waiting room, closing the door quiety behind him as he saw Scully was asleep. Scully was roused from her sleep by the click of the shutting door and sat up as she saw who had entered. "Jack? What...is she all right?" she asked, suddenly sitting up. She noticed her mother was there but was too wrapped up in hearing her daughter's condition. "Hey, Dana. Sleep well?" he said, removing the surgery hat from his head to show his resceding hairline. "Funny. So, how's Abi?" she said, with a smile on her face. Jack Collins was the best surgeon in the hospital and she had helped him with causes of death many times. He seemed regretful and somehow scared. That wasn't a good sign in Scully's book. "Well?" Mulder broke in, concern and worry growing in his voice. "Dana...I'm sorry-" "Sorry? Why? What happened?" she ordered him to tell her. The anger and confusion hitting her like the car which hit hers hours before. "We found there was extensive internal bleeding. We tried to stop it, but there were complications-" "What complications?" Maggie asked. Mulder had his eyes closed, knowing, expecting the news to be bad. He wanted to close his ears and shut out the words he heard and the thoughts he had, but at the same time he couldn't. "Abigail went into cardiac arrest three times during the operation. I'm afraid we can't stop the bleeding..." he trailed off, knowing he was hurting a friend. "No...no...you have to help her. She can't..." she trailed off. She held her head in her hands and cried silently. She hated people seeing her dry, but she couldn't fight back the cold tears which caressed her cheeks. Maggie walked over to her daughter and tried to comfort her in a hug. Mulder was in a shocked silence. he wanted to comfort Scully, but he needed comfort too, and he knew Scully couldn't comfort him now, not yet. "Were is she?" Mulder demanded in stone-cold calmness. "She's in one of the private rooms. She's comfortable. We've had to put her on a life support machine, she can't breathe unassisted" he said solemnly. "Can we see her?" Scully's tear-stained face looked up at Jack Collins, her blue eyes begging. "Of course" he said to her, giving her a sympathetic smile. "Thank you, Jack" she said to him sincerely. He nodded to her with regret that he couldn't do any more to help her daughter. "I'm very sorry, Dana" he said, turning to leave. "How...long does she...have?" Mulder said gently, trying not to upset Scully much more. "As long as she is on life support she will stay with us for another four hours at most, but if you decide to...put her out of her pain...we can take her off it and give her some morphine so she will pass away peacefully" he said. Mulder only nodded. Doctor Collins left. That was he hardest thing he'd ever had to do. And it was the hardest thing Mulder and Scully had had to accept. --------X Abigail Mulder's room 6:25pm Scully opened the door to her daughter's room and Mulder followed her. There were many machines and a chair on either side of the white bed and there was another sofa type chair at the foot of the bed, against the wall. On the bed though, laid the tiny Abigail. As they were met with the sight of their daughter Mulder saw Scully's form straighten up. He knew then that she was hiding her feelings, trying to handle this by herself. Mulder hated it when she shut him out, she did that even when they were married. Although he knew he didn't have a right to know everything in her life as they weren't married, he still considered her his best friend and confidante. He hoped the feeling was mutual. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she walked away, towards Abi's bed. Mulder took in the sight of his daughter, and he too felt the pain that was eating away at Scully. Of all the things he had faced in his life: aleins, near-death experiences, losing people close to him, this was the hardest thing for him now. He sat down next to his daughter's bed, opposite Scully. He took Abi's limp, cold hand in his own. He took in the sight of his daughter. She was so still, peaceful. She was weak and cold, limp and...dying. He hated that word, and he hated that his young daughter was being taken from this world without living her life first. The world was a cruel place. He heard, somewhere in the distance, the regular beeping of the heart monitor, the sound of air rushing through the breathing apparatus. He saw the tubes and wires which surrounded the small frame of his young daughter. He was pulled away from his own depressing thoughts when he noticed Scully's eyes were closed, and tears were again trickling down her cheeks. She held Abi's small hand next to her cheek. Her eye were shutting out the horrific image of her helpless little girl. Mulder saw Maggie at the window, but she didn't come in. She gave him a weak smile, then walked away. Maggie knew that Abi's parents should be alone. Mulder placed Abi's hand down gently on the bed, as if it was a delicate glass figurine that may break if handled the slightest bit roughly. He sat back, looking at Scully. She was oblivious to his eyes on her and continued to silently shed her tears of guilt. He wanted Abi out of this prolonged suffering. It wasn't fair on her. He had to tell Scully how he felt about this, Abi was his daughter too. But, he didn't want to anger Scully. She had had to deal with the lose of a daughter before and this was a hard blow for her. After a few, long minutes had passed by, Mulder spoke up. "I think we should do what the Doctor said" he said quietly. "What? Jack?" she said, trying to descretly wipe her tears away. "I think we should let Abi go now. She doesn't deserve this forced prolonged life. Nature intends for her to die, we shouldn't get in the way of that" he said, laying down his reasons. "How can you say that!" she screamed at him. She stood up and stepped back from the bed, looking fierily at Mulder, shocked by his words. "Because I don't want Abi to suffer...this" he said back, standing himself and gesturing to the lifeless form in front of them. Scully finally let the realisation sink in, beneath the barriers she had created and understood that his words were true. She closed her eyes, and finally nodded. SHe lowered her head to the floor, trying to conceal the tears. Mulder walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her at arms length. He wanted her to say she was alright, or tell him what was wrong. When she didn't look up and he spoke solemnly, "I'll get Doctor Collins" Scully nodded in agreement, not raising her eyes from the floor. Mulder walked out to find the doctor before he changed his mind. Maggie saw Mulder leave the room and walk down the hall in the opposite direction. She stood up as Mulder disappeared and went to Abi's room. She walked in the see Abi lying comatose on the white bed. Her death bed, Maggie realised solemnly. She saw Scully sat on the end of the long chair at the end of Abi's bed, to the right of the door. She sat next to her and hugged her. Scully looked up at her mother, into her eyes. Maggie let go of her. "You know, now I know how you felt when Missy died" she blurted out, not taking her piercing blue eyes off her mother. Maggie felt uncomfortable with talking about Missy, but decided that if Dana wanted to talk about it, she would go along with it. "I know it's hard to lose a daughter, but you have to remember that death is a part of life" Maggie said, lacing an arm around Dana's thin shoulders. "Yeah, but why do the other's have to suffer" Scully said, looking at her clasped hands. "Because our human emotions are uncontrolable" she said, looking at her grand daughter. She realsed that outliving your grand child was so much more disturbing than outliving your child. "I hate being human" Scully decided. "What? You hate loving, being loved, caring, trusting?" Maggie asked her daughter. Scully contemplated her words, not answering. "Hate, lose, grief, jealousy, they are all a part of the human emotion" Maggie continued. "Yeah, and I've had my fair share" Scully muttered. "Yes but you've enjoyed both the good and the bad" Maggie pointed out. "Mom...what are you getting at?" Scully blurted out. She knew her mom was trying to say something, but Scully wasn't up to her mother's guessing games and side-stepping. "Love" "What?" "Love. You and Fox love Abi. I hope you love her enough to let her go", Maggie said. "I know...I know it's selfish to prolong her life like this, but it's just so...sudden" "Death is always sudden. Even when you know it's coming, you can never be prepared for it" Maggie said. Scully nodded. "I know. Where's Mulder?" "Fox? He went...that way" her mother pointed in the direction Mulder went in. "Oh...he's gone to get Jack" Scully remembered. "The doctor" Maggie said, more to herslef than anyone else. She instantly knew why. "Yeah..." Scully tailed off. "See...you care...love her enough to let her go" Maggie said. "Mu...Fox said it was best" Scully explained. "However much it hurts, you know he's right" "Yeah. For once in the entire time we've worked...known each other, I actully agree with him" Scully smiled at the irony. "You used to agree with him on a lot of things" Maggie pointed out. "Mom, I don't want another on of those 'You and Fox were meant for each other' talks. I'm not in the mood" Scully said, cutting her mother off. "Dana, you had something special. You know that. And I know you miss that. And I know he does too" Maggie said. Scully's eyes sprung to her mother's eyes. "Mom..." she didn't want to hear this now. "Dana, I know you, and I know Fox too. He didn't say anything directly, but the way he said what he did, and the way he glanced at you..." she didn't need to say anymore, she knew Dana would guess the rest. Scully opened her mouth to speak but the door opened and the sound of footsteps interupted her. Mulder followed Jack into the room. Scully knew what was about to come. And she knew she would hated this day for the rest of her life. --------X 6:47pm "Dana" Jack Collins said as he checked Abi's vitals. Scully nodded back in reply. Mulder stood, watching the doctor's moves, but always aware of Scully. Maggie still had her arm around her daughter's shoulders. "Okay...ahem...now, you are ready for this?" he asked Scully. She nodded again, but it was more of a slow reaction than a reply. "What exactly will happen?" Mulder asked the doctor. "Well, Abigail is on a morphine drip now, to kill any pain. And, because she is comatose she won't feel any direct pain. When you are ready and when you say, I'll turn the machine off" he explained as gently as he could. This was the part of his job he, and every other doctor hated. Mulder nodded, and Scully's hung her head again. Maggie squeezed her daughter's arm in support and the doctor coughed again. "Can I have a minute?" Scully asked Jack, her eyes pleading again. He nodded, smiling politely and left the room. Scully smiled at her mother and Maggie nodded and stood to leave. "You going to be okay?" she asked. "Yeah, Mom" Scully reasurred her. Maggie nodded again and left the room too, walking up to the doctor outside. Mulder held the door open for his ex-wife's mother and turned to leave himself. "Mulder? Would you stay please?" Scully asked him. She didn't move from the sofa, but looked at him with sincerity. Mulder nodded slowly and shut the door again. Mulder sat next to her as she stared at the hospital bed on which lay her precious daughter. "Do you think she can hear us?" Scully asked him. "Well, you're the doctor, you tell me" he said, slightly puzzeled by the lack of her medical knowledge she was using. "I know that doctors say that comatose patients can hear, and I have told people that too, but I don't really think they can. Only a handful of people who wake up actually say they heard their family members talking and discussing their condition. I just hope that Abi can hear us, she isn't scared. 'Cos I know I'm scared as Hell" Scully said, looking back at her clasped hands. "If she can hear us, I hope she knows that we're here with her" Mulder said, looking down at his own hands. "I hope so too" "I believe she can. I believe she knows. And I believe she will be at peace" Mulder said. Scully smiled a little. "What?" he said, slightly relieved to see her smile. "You and your beliefs. You believe in so much, but not God or religion" she said, practically rolling her eyes. Mulder suddenly felt like they working on an X File. "'Religions die when they are proved to be true. Science is the record of dead religions'" Mulder quoted, "Oscar O'Flahertie Wills Wilde" he said, shrugging. "Oh, you're quoting now" Scully said. "Well according to the quote, it's more suprising that you, a scientist, believe in a religion or God than I do" "Mulder, I believe in a God because I want to believe that when I die, I will go somewhere. I know it's strange, coming from me, but I want to have a hope that there is something beyond this life and when you leave this life, you don't just...die" she explained. "I agree, but I don't think you have to worship an unknown...'force'-" "God" she corrected him. "Yes. I don't think you need to worship a God to live with your beliefs and morals" he explained back. "I suppose I just want to live with the hope that someday I'll see Ahab, Missy...and Abi" she said. Her voice broke off with the last words. Mulder placed an arm around her shoulder's like Maggie had done earlier, but this time Scully leaned into him slightly. She placed a hand on his and squeezed it, knowing he was suffering too. This comforted him a little. After a short time had passed, Mulder spoke up. "You want to say anything to Abi? In case she can hear us?" Scully said nothing. She felt embarrassed about talking to Abi, she felt like she would be talking to herself. She thought a short while and nodded. She stood up and walked to Abi's side, holding her small hand in hers again. She sat down and looked at her daughter. Mulder stayed sat on the chair watching her. "Hey Abi! It's Mom...Now, if you can hear me I want you to know that Mommy and Daddy love you very much. And I don't want to be scared. Mom and Dad are here with you..." Scully trailed off momentarily. "You alright?" Mulder asked quietly, walking over and crouching beside her chair. She nodded and looked at him. His face was wron out and tired looking. He hadn't shaven and stubble was appearing on his face. She smiled weakly at him and nodded again. She turned back to Abi and moved a strand of hair out of her face. She stroked her cold cheek and contemplating how peaceful she looked. "I love you, Starbuck. I'll miss you but I'll know where you are. You remember me telling you about Aunt Missy and Granddad? You remember their pictures? Well, where you are going, you'll see them and they'll...take care of you..." she trailed off again, sighing deeply to hold back tears which threatened to overflow her watery eyes. Mulder put his hand on her shoulder again, squeezing it to tell her he was there with her. "I wish I could be there with you, but I can't. I wish I could make you all better, but you'll soon be out of this pain" Abi's hand twitched slightly in Scully's hand. "I'm frightening her" she whispered. "No...no you're not" he told her. "I am. I...I can't..." she trailed off, letting the tears fall. Mulder moved his arm around her other shoulder and pulled her down into a hug. She put a hand on his far shoulder. Maggie looked through the window. They looked just like they did in the hospital when Missy died: taking comfort from each other, after they both lost and gained so much. Back then, Maggie had nearly walked in, but stopped herself and left again as they shared that private moment. The way they looked now was just like then. Maggie felt slightly intrusive again and walked away. Now, they were in that position of losing and gaining: losing their child, but gaining trust, friendship and a closeness again. Scully sat up again and looked at Mulder. "Do you want to tell her anything?", she said quietly, her voice barely a whisper. Mulder nodded and looked at Abi. He placed his free hand on her's and Scully's, thinking about what to say. "Well, Starbuck, like Mom said, I'm here. Now Starbuck, I don't want ya to be scared. Okay? 'Cos if you are...umm...grand dad will be very angry!" he said in a funny-stern way. Scully smiled at the thought of her father meeting her daughter. She was sad that he hadn't been able to see her with a daughter nad husband. "And, we will always be thinking of you, and I know that you will be alright. I, too, wish that I could go with you, but, like your mom said, we will see you again. I can't say when, but I know we will. Good bye Starbuck. I love you" he said, his voice barely a whisper as the emotion and hurt took control of his mind. Scully clasped both Abi's and Mulder's hand tightly in hers, comforted in the thought that they had come together again, even if it was only for one final, short, precious while. Lifetimes went by in a solemn silence as the three shared their last few minutes together. Mulder finally stood up, controlling his grieving. He still had hold of Scully's hand and she didn't let go as he began to walk away. "I'll get Jack" he whispered. Scully nodded, looking at him. He squeezed her hand reassuringly, as reasurringly as he could be, then let her go as he departed from the room. ----------X 7:12pm Mulder entered the white, bland hospital room again and crouched back down beside Scully. Doctor Jack Collins entered with Maggie and stood opposite Mulder and Scully. Collins looked troubled, he felt troubled. But he couldn't figure out what he was feeling. He was having to turn off life support for his collegue's and friend's only child. And hated himself for doing it. He wished deeply for a miracle from God, but his scientific mind corrected him that it wasn't a plausible thing to think. He looked at Scully. Her eyes were focused on her daughter, her full attention on her. Scully gently, slowly, stroked Abigail's pale face, ignoring everyone and everything in the room. He had to admit that he did like Scully. They had worked together one some murders at the FBI, but he had taken a career change and chose to workin a hospital. He thought he was an attractive, brilliant-minded woman, but, the way that she interacted with her ex-husband, he could tell that there was still something between them. He didn't know what, he didn't know their past together, but he could see that they shared...something. Something rare. "Are you ready?" he asked quietly, studying Scully carefully. Mulder placed his arm around her slim shoulder's once again, and Collins couldn't pretend his wasn't the slightest bit jealous. He was. He sighed deeply, turning to the machine with kept the life of Abi hanging on by a thread. A click. A hallow, cold sounding click filled the room breifly. Jack smiled grimly at Maggie Scully. He nodded in politeness and departed. His 'work' was done now, this was time for the family only. The sound of the air rushing through the breathng appartus ceased instantly. Scully went ridged and stiff in Mulder's arm. He reached his free hand out to grasp Abi's, placing his large hand over Scully's and his daughter's. Maggie wiped a tear away from her glistening eyes and decided to wait outside. She didn't want to add to her daughter's (or Mulder's) own distress. She quietly left the room to wait outside too. The bleeping sound of the heart monitor became slower and slower with each beep. Scully squeezed her daughter's hand tightly. Mulder felt Scully's hand to tight. He broke inside, knowing she was shutting him out again. He watched his daughter's eyelids flutter briefly and he heard a faint "I love you, Abi" escape Scully's lips. The sound became one deafening, long tone. Scully's breathing became more heavy, the grief finally sinking in. But apart from that, Scully's demeanor didn't change. She stared longingly at Abi, wishing her to just open her eyes and tell her that she was just pretending. But Scully couldn't handle the truth. he truth that Abi was no longer with her. Again, she was alone. She heard Mulder gasp, holding his breath. She turned to him, to see his head hung low, hiding his face. Her own eyes betrayed her feelings and the cold tears fell. She didn't let any sound escape her dry lips. A million confusing feeling, thought and emotions circulated round her head. She saw Jack out of the corner of her eye and turned back to Abi. She lay still. Peacful. Her eyes were shut as if asleep. Her hair lay around her face and shoulder's. Scully wanted her to be asleep, she wanted to shake her and wake her. She wanted to call out her name and see Abi open her eyes. But she knew, deep down that wouldn't happen. She thought about all the things she would never see. She wouldn't see Abi gradute, get a boyfriend, drive a car, get married, get her first job, go to high school, get dressed up for her school prom. Suddenly Scully's heart seemd to tie up in a knot, killing anything that Scully felt. The pain ebbed from her inside and suddenly everything became nothing. Shock. Scully had to get away, away from this pain, this nightmare. She stood up nd briskly departed, not wanting to look like a fool. She walked out of the room, and quickened her speed a little. She heard her mpother call her back, but she didn't listen or obey. She kept walking till she got outside. She couldn't see her car, then she remembered. The car, the accident, the crush of metal against metal. The cries from Abi, the gasps and screams from on lookers. he fright she felt when she saw Abi's bloody form. The urgency she felt as she scrambled towards her. The...nothing. Her mind blurred. She did everything she did without thought. Scully kept walking, out of the hospital parking lot, down the street with the traffic passing by. She needed to get away. She needed Abi. And she knew she wouldn't get what she needed. Abi was gone, and her memories were with her, following her forever. --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X End 3/4 ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X Everliving 4/4 by Trustyone --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X "Lead me to death to life, From falsehood to truth. Lead me from despair to hope, From fear to trust" - Anonomous --------------------------------------------------------------------X ---------X Washington DC General Hospital Washington DC, Virginia September 13, 2012 7:32pm A frustrated, hurting Dana Scully walked briskly out of the car parking lot of the hospital, trying to run away from the hell she was living through, for the second time: her daughter's death. She wiped the tears away roughly from her face, trying to battle the betrayal of God she felt. She hated God, he had put her through her so much. Missy would have said it was destined to happen, but she would dismiss it. But, what of Missy was correct? What if her destiny was to live through pain and torture until her own passing? Scully pushed that thought away and carreid on walking. She wandered down the street, oblivious to other padestrians and the traffic. She wandered for what seemd like an eternity. The thoughts and feelings she felt running through and controlling her. She was a mess inside. She had to tell someone. She needed to release this pain before it built up to the point of pure torture. The blurriness of the past few long hours didn't clear, she didn't want it too. She wanted to stay in the state of shock she was in, a state of mind in which she felt a little safe, protected from the pain, the hurt and confusion, the loss and lonliness. She wandered in a state of oblivion, letting her instincts take over her, acting impulsively, unconciously. She realised, as the sky began to lose it's life, it's light, that she was at 'the bench' over-looking the Watergate building. She sat down with a certain relief, but it didn'tease her emotions or her turmoil. She stared at the water, shimmering with the lights that reflected in it's dark ripples. She stared through the water, into it's murky depths, wondering what lay beneath it's enticing, yet forbidding surface. She sat there for a long time, watching the water, feeling the soft wnd. It sounded like a whisper in her ear, a comfort to her cloudy mind. She closed her eyes breifly, trying to release some of the tension. Her head began to clear, her mind tell it's sef that it was just a bad dream, a nightmare. Something that wasn't happening to her. The feelings from the hospital started to lift, she couldn't really remember what happened there, she couldn't really remember being there. She couldn't really remember anything about today. Her head, her mind, her memories, were a fog of confusions and questions. Her eyes shot open at the feeling of a heavy hand on her shoulder. She whipped round to see Mulder standing over her. When his face and his identity sank in she turned away, hiding her glistening blue eyes, hiding her tears. Her memories had returned, haunting her. "Sc...Dana?" he asked gently. Her ears pricked up at the sound of his voice. It sounded empty, lost, weak. Just like she felt. She looked back up and him, saying nothing, doing nothing. Just looking at his face. She wasn't in a nightmare. It was real. She was here, Mulder was here, and Abigail wasn't. Not any more. Her head finally lowered down, her eyes closing. Mulder moved round to sit beside her. "Scully?" he asked, his voice trying to sound stronger, but failing. She couldn't answer him at all. She had lost all co-ordination. She was just a lost, weak mess and she hated that feeling. She was vunerable and that scared her. She wasn't in control of what was happening around her and that frightened her. She sat there feeling Mulder's strong arm lay around her shoulder's for the thrid time that day. Her breathing became heavy again, her stomach twisting, her inside aching. She felt torn, broken. She couldn't fight any more. She couldn't do anything. She gave up her emotional battle and let the tears fall silently down her face. Mulder knew how she felt. He didn't want he to feel this. He didn't wnat to feel this himself. Her silence scared him. He wanted her to tell him she was fine, he wanted her to reassure him she was alright, like she usually did. But Mulder knew that she wasn't, and he knew that she knew that too. In their shared silence, Mulder pulled her into a comforting embrace. She didn't fight back. Instead she wrapped her arms aroung Mulder's torso and hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go, hoping the lonliness and disorientation she felt would go away. Her cheek felt his own tears as they slid down his cheek. She pulled him closer still, trying to comfort him. She began to feel in control again. But her torment still lay there, reminding her, taunting her. He reaffirmed their embrace, pulling him into his arms. His tears contiued to fall and he felt her hair on his neck as she laid her head on his shoulder. He could hear her crying. It was strange coming from Scully, she was usually so strong. She felt him breathe deeply and loosen his arms a little. He pulled her up and looked at her. His eyes were wet and his face held traces of tears. She sniffled, wiping away her own shed tears. She looked at him again. "Are you okay?" she asked. Mulder looked taken aback by this. "Yeah..." he finally answered. She knew he was lying. His words seemed so unsure. "Are you?" he asked softly, his hands still holding her at arms length, studying her. She could only nod, the exhaustions taking it's toll on her. "Come on, your Mom said you are staying at her place tonight" he said, helping he to her feet. He placed is arm around her waist, allowing her to partly lean on him as they walked to the car which Maggie was waiting in. Scully nodded again. Mulder looked at her, looking into her eyes. "Fox, would you stay too?" she whispered. She needed his support. "Yeah..." he said again, helping her into the car. He got into the car too, and they drove away. They both knew that this day would live with them forever, whether they liked it or not. ----------X St. Mary Memorial Church Washington DC, Virginia September 15, 2012 11:54am The bitter wind stabbed a millions icicle pricks on Scully's pale comlexion, but she didn't care. The loss of Abigail was stabbing her too. She cursed herself for being humna, for living with a constant reminder that Abi was gone, she was alone, and there seemed no possible furture for having another family. She was back where she started after losing Emily, except this time she shared this loss with Mulder. But, when Emily died, Mulder was there for her, but this time, he wasn't. They hadn't spoken since the night Abigail passed away. Mulder had stayed over at her mother's but Maggie had sent Scully to bed, not that Scully got any sleep, she hadn't slept well at all these last few days. But, Mulder had left early in the morning, leaving a note for Maggie saying thank you for looking after him, and that he was sorry that he couldn't do the same for Scully. When Scully read the letter (her mother had confronted Scully with it, saying it was proof that "Fox still has feelings for you, even if you, or him, can't accept that") Scully thought that her mother was right, she had hoped, briefly, that her mother was right. But she hadn't spoken to Mulder, her mother couldn't contact him, but he was here now, barely two metres away from her. Scully, Mulder, Mrs Scully and a few relations and family friend including Walter Skinner and Jack Collins stood to one side of the three-foot-by-one-foot hole which gaped open before them. Abi's dark brown coffin was closed. A large bouquet of white roses lay on top of the heavy coffin lid, that was sealed shut. All the people there were dressed in black, shivering form the cold wind of the Virginia weather that tormented and stung their cheeks. Scully glanced at the dark, looming clouds that were ominously towering in the sky. The weather matched how she felt: awful. She heard the vicar's soft voice in the back gound, but couldn't hold onto the words. She could barely hold onto the three white roses she held in her hand. The vicar finished the eulogy that Maggie had written. No one spoke personally. Sculy couldn't if she tried, she had lost all effort to speak. Mulder didn't speak, but kept his eyes low and arms hanging by his side while the vicar read from the Bible. Scully couldn't see his face properly, but she knew he was in a bad way. His nightmares had returned. They always did if something tragic happened: Samantha: who was taken away by unfightable forces but who returned. Mulder had lived on the hope of her return. But now his other great love, his daughter, had been taken by unfightable forces, and he had no hope to live on, nothing to grasp and hold onto. She wouldn't be coming back, not in this lifetime. Scully's eye let go of another tear, she felt her mother's hand take her free one. Scully hadn't stopped crying for two days, but she had no energy to cry, no energy to do anything. The past few mornings was a battle to get up, to dress, to face the fact that for the rest of her life, she wouldn't hear Abigail laugh, cry, sing, scream, talk. A chocking son caught in her throat, but she swallowed hard to fight it and won, this time. The vicar finished speaking and Maggie nudged Scully forward. The nudge from her mother brought Scully back away from her nightmarish thoughts. She looked at the white roses and then placed them on the coffin, resting next to the large bouquet that boasted it's faint scents. Scully was aware of people departing, she saw people come towards her, offering their condolences. Scully knew that they meant well, but she fet like screaming at them to shut up, to stop reminding her of what had happened to her daughter. Scully looked once more at the coffin. She stared at the flowers, feeling slightly sick. Flowers were suposed to be a good thing, taken to weddings and christenings, for celebration. But a funeral was not a celebration. She closed her eyes, imagining the Devil laughing at her, she felt like eveyone was just pitying her. She tookma deep breath, fighting again with her eyes, then turned to go to her mother's car. She saw her mother at the car, talking with Mulder. But, it was she who was talking. Scully saw Mulder slump a little and then Maggie reached out and touched his arm. Scully wished it was her comforting Mulder, but he hadn't been around to comfort her. She hoped that he would comfort her, after that night at the hospital. But he hadn't even spoken to her since then. But she knew that theywere divorced now, so why would they talk to one another? They didn't have anything to bind them together now. Aby was gone and there was nothing left to keep them in contact. She pushed all thoughts of the past few days away and walked up to the car, watching ther people walking to their own vehicles. "Dana? We're giving Fox a lift to work. Okay?" Maggie said, turning to her daughter. Maggie's dark hair moved lightly in the cold breeze which picked up again. Her face seemed to have aged slightly. The past few days had affected her too, and Scully felt guilty about laying all her angst on her mother when she had her own to deal with. "You're not coming to Mom's?" Scully asked Mulder. He shook his head, and took a deep breath. "I don't think I should" he said. Scully wanted to beg him to come, she wanted to talk to him, ask him how he felt because he was the only other person who could understand how she felt. "You know you are welcome, Fox" Maggie said, noticing the tension between them. "I know. Thanks Mrs. Scully. I have lots of paper work to-" "Ahh...work" Scully muttered to herself. Mulder pretended not to hear her, but Maggie hadn't heard her at all. "Well, if you change your mind, Fox, just call and I'll pick you up. You have to come to dinner sometime shouldn't he Dana?" Maggie said, looking at her daughter. "Yeah...sure" Scully managed, not looking at Mulder. She couldn't. He reminded her of their marriage and thus, their daughter, and her death, and the pain returned again. Scully got in the back seat of the car, Mulder walked around to the passenger front seat. Maggie sat in the driver's seat and they headed to Mrs. Scully's house. Everyone was going to Maggie's house. Scully felt sick again. It was like some kind of party. Why couldn't they just leave her alone and not remind her about Abigail. Scully wiped at her eyes, although they were dry. It had become a habit now, and she hated it. She hated this entire thing. She hated her life, and she hated God for not doing anything to help her daughter. -----------X Margaret Scully Residence Washington DC, Virginia 12:27pm Maggie Scully sat down in the living room, surrounded by her fellow family members. Each person was sawthed in black fabrics, and the dull ache of losing her only grand daughter haunted her again. She looked up at the sight of her daughter entering the room, she seemed oblivious to the rest of the people in the room. Maggie noticed a silence entered the room with Dana, hushing everyone there. Scully had been going in and out of the room for the past few minutes, the strain and grief showing on her face, in her posture, and basically the way she acted. Maggie felt that Scully would become ill if she didn't start acting strong again. Maggie realised that with all the grief Scully had been faced with in the past few years, she had finally lost the will to fight it, and she had let it consume her. And Maggie wasn't the only one to notice. "Mom?" Bill Jr's voice broke into Maggie's thoughts. "Bill" she acknowledged, not taking her eyes off Dana. "She's not good Mom. If she keeps this up she'll end up in hospital" Bill said, turning his attention to his little sister. "I know Bill, but we have to let her deal with this *her* way" Maggie said, an underlying tone in her voice warning him not to interfere. "Mom, that *Mulder* is the cause and, like always, Dana won't admit that! She goes on suffering 'her' way, dealing with it 'her' way, but I don't think she can now. Not any more" he pointed out, rather angrily, but he kept his frustration hidden to an extent. "Bill, before you start going on at Fox, just remember this: Dana and he were husband and wife. They had a child, she wasn't pushed into that marriage, it was her decision. You were not involved then, so don't get yourself involved now" she scolded him, looking at his blue eyes with complete seriousness. "But Mom, when they first decided to get married, she didn't tell us straight away. It was him who probably convinced her to keep it a secret" "No he didn't. They told me straight away. Dana chose not to tell you because-" "What?" "*Because* she knew you would be hostile and...act like you are now" "Mom, that's stupid" Bill argued back. "Really? You act like your father in that you can't seem to understand that Dana can make up her own mind now. She isn't a little girl who need her big brother to defend her" Maggie said, looking back to Dana, who was sat on her own, staring at her glass of water. She got up, setting her glass on the table. Maggie turned her eyes back to Bill as he spoke. "Mom-" Bill protested. "Mom, I'm...going out for a bit" Scully broke in, interupting Bill. "Where?" she asked concern in her face and voice. "Just out. I'lll be fine. I just need some space" she said with a weak smile. Maggie nodded to let her daughter go, but Bill wasn't so understanding. "Dana!" he called, making many people turn around to see what he was going on about. He walked briskly after her, to the drive way outside. "Dana" he repeated, catching up to her. "What, Bill" she said exasperated. "I just wanna know how my little sis' is doing" he said with a smile. "I'm fine" she said, opening the car door. "Dana, if you need to talk...I'm here to listen" he offered. "Thanks Bill, but Mom has more than enough ears!" she tried to lighten the mood. Bill smiled back to comfort her. He stood back as he watched her drive off, wondering where she would be going. Scully was flustered and bothered. Why can't everyone just leave her alone? ----------X St. Mary Memorial Garden Washington DC, Virginia September 15, 2012 1:52pm Scully pulled up the car to the curb of the road, and killed the engine. She gripped the steering while, and took a deep breath. She knew that she would have to come here some time, and now was better than any. But was it? She could imagine her family and friends telling her that it was too soon to visit her daughter's grave. It was soon, she knw that, but she felt ready. She wanted to feel ready, be ready. But was scared that she wouldn't be, but she wouldn't know until she actually stepped outside. She took another deep breath, and told herself not to cry. She still couldn't handle the fact that this was getting to her, that she was letting her weaknesses show. She opened the car door, stepped out, locked the car and walked towards the black iron gates that provided access to the memorial gardens of the church. There were a few other people there, standing over graves, paying their respects. Scully hoped that she would be alone, she wanted to grieve in peace. She followed the pale gravel path, followed it's winding trail to where her daughter now lay. As she came closer to where her daughter's grave would be found, she saw other people there. She suddenly felt exposed and vunerable. She continued to walk towards the gravel, looking at the dark grey head stone, that gleamed in the sun's bleak rays. She took steps colser and a couple walked away. She felt a little relieved that she was alone now. She walked up to the freshly made grave, took in the dark brown earth which concealed her daughter's body from the surface above. "I hope you're not alone" she whispered aloud. She suddenly recoiled at herself for doing so. She hated being weak. She hated feeling lost, alone, empty. The cold wind bit at her thin, procelain face, making her red hair dnace around her shoulders. She swept a lock of her hair out of her face with her blacked-gloved hand and stood in an isolated silence. She ignored the world around her: the birds in the sky, the traffic driving past, the few people who walked past her. She stood still, straight, looking at the grave stone. Abigail Katherine Mulder January 11, 2007 - September 13, 2012 A treasured daughter and grandchild Will always be remebered and loved It was a simple message, a true one. Scully stared at the words, her eyes unable to tear themselves away from them. Her eyes became cold and wet, the salty tears making her eyes sting against the wind. She blinked to clear her vision and the tears fell again. She didn't cry aloud, just let the tears fall. She didn't have the energy to cry fully, and she didn't want to. Footsteps came and went, cars stopped and drove away, the wind blew and died, and she felt alone in this cruel world and she hated every moment of it. She felt a warm hand touch her shoulder and squeeze it gently. She didn't turn to see who it was, she didn't need to. But, she didn't even flinch at the sudden approach. "Hi Dana" Mulder said, taking his hand away and standing beside her. "Hi" she finally said. She didn't move her eyes. It was if a strong force had captured her visions, torturing her with the worlds that were etched into the grave stone. She wantyed to rip the force away, tear it to shreds and run. But she kew running wouldn't help. This feeling would haunt her forever, until her own death. Mulder crouched down, placing some more flowers on the freshly dug earth. When he stood again he placed his arm around her shoulders. She shrugged him off. She didn't need this now, she didn't want to be near him. She couldn't. It hurt too much. "Are you all right?" Mulder asked, turning to look at her. Scully chocked back a luagh. "Am I all right? You think I'm all right? Of course I'm not! I'd rather be the one lying in that box. She shouldn't be the one in their...it's not fair!" she shouted out, but her voice began to break and trailed off. "Dana..." "What? That's all I've been getting these past two days. Dana this and Dana that. I'm sick of being...pitied" she gasped in exhausted exasperation. "Why are you doing this to yourself? This wasn't your fault. Why are you..." "Why am I what?" she asked, ordered. "Why are you beating yourself up over Emily?" he blurted out. When he saw the hurt flash across her fine features it pushed a button in him. He knew he shouldn't have said that, and he wished he could take it back. Scully tore her eyes from the grey marble head stone and looked at Mulder. Her blue eyes pierced through him. "Is that what you think? That I'm not over Emily?" she asked. Her watery eyes looking into his own. "Scully, when she died, you never dealt with it properly. You kept it inside, kept it bottled up. And now that...this has happened...you are letting those repressed feelings out now. Now, Scully. You shouldn't do this to yourself. It's not good for you. With Abigail and Emily's passing, you can't blame yourself" he finally said. "Is that what you really think?" "Yes...Scully, I'm sorry but...I'm worried about you" "Mulder...would you leave me alone please?" she finally asked, he eyes about to flow with tears. Mulder looked at her, his eyes asking hers if that was what she truly wanted. For a long time, an energy passed between them, and neither of them stood down. Scully started to wak away, taking a few hesitant steps back, away from Mulder. Her eyes never broke the connection with Mulder's. His face became one of begging, telling he not to leave him. She saw and understood the need in his face. She studied his face, looking at his tired eyes, his exhausted features. She realised that her needed her like she needed him, although neither of them would admit it openly. Scully wanted to go up and hug him, but something held her back, telling her not to. She took a deep breath, roughly wiped her eyes, then turned on her heel and walked away. "Dana" Mulder called walking after her. "Dana, please don't walk away from this" he practically begged her. "Fox, the only thing I can do right now is nothing. I feel helpless and alone. I can't do anything, so please don't ask me to deal with it! I don't want to...not yet!" she shouted out, her voice filled with emotion. "I'm not asking you to do this on your own. I'm telling you that I'm here too. I want to be here with you. I want to help you. I need your help too" he said, looking down at his clasped hands. Silence engulfed their world again, locking them away from everything else that existed. Scully saw the sincerity in his face, heard it in his voice. She wanted to touch him, hug him, but she couldn't. She still felt guilty for what she did to him: the divorce the guilt trips, the arguements. Her selfishness broke their marriage. All he ever did was try to be a good father, she saw that now. But now it was too late. There was no child, no marriage. She had had everything, but let it slip through her fingers. Mulder stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her small frame, pulling her close again, offering comfort. She allowed herself to wrapped in his grasp, allowed herslef to be pulled towards him. But that feeling which nagged at her clouded mind appeared again. She pulled away and without looking at Mulder, she walked away from him again. She needed to get out, get away. She hoped she wasn't hurting Mulder again. She knew that if she stayed, she might hurt him more. "Dana!" he shouted, not movng from the place where he stood. She never slowed down, or looked back, but continued out of the memorial garden. Away from him. He felt a dull ache in his chest as she drove off. He hoped he hadn't stepped over the mark, where ever that was. And he hoped he hadn't let her slip through his fingers again. ----------X Margaret Scully residence Washington DC, Virginia September 15, 2012 4:27pm After driving around the vast bleak home that was Washington DC, and going into work to pick up some paper work, Scully pulled up at her mother's house. She felt a little comfort at the thought that her mother was still with her, but Scully knew that it wouldn't be forever. Nothing was forever. In fact, Scully didn't know if forever existed. Scully once believed that science would explain the X Files forever, but she saw too many things to keep her beliefs sceptical. She once believed that love lasted forever, but that too ended for her. She believed that her father would be there forever, but he left her. And Missy too. Scully felt sorry for herself: for being weak, for grieving, and for allowing her personal sorrows to consume her like they were now. She was still reeling from the words that Mulder had thrown at her. Those words had hit a nerve, and it hurt a lot. And she knew he was right. She realised he was only trying to help her, comfort her. And she did need comfort. But she had pushed him away, when she needed him most. She had done that too many times in the past to him, hurting him like that. And she vowed to herself on their wedding day that she wouldn't do it again. But she had done it again. And she hated it, because she knew that he needed her too. He needed someone to be there for him, he only had Sam and they didn't see each other very often. Scully had an aching feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know why and she wanted it to go away. She decided to ignore it and get inside before she got any colder. She finally got out of the car and walkd up the short paved drive-way and let herself into her mother's house. Everyone else had left, as Scully had hoped. She didn't know whether her mother was in either. Scully hoped she wasn't. She needed to be alone, again. Scully kicked herself mentally. She wasn't accepting her mother's concern for her. She was just taking her Mom for granted, and she hated herself for it. Scully dropped the two thin files on the table in the hallway and discarded her black trenchcoat and uncomfortable shoes. She walked to the living room and heard voices. Her Mom was home, and so was someone else. Scully sighed inwardly, she hoped it wasn't another relative or family friend coming to pay their respects. Scully knew they all meant well, but she hated it because basically, they all reminded her of the one thing she wanted to forget. Scully swallowed hard and walked in, hoping that her exhaustion wasn't showing. "Mulder" she said, suprise taking her back a little. He was the last person she expected to see now. "Scully" he acknowledged, standing on his feet. Maggie rose to and beamed at her daughter. Scully's stomach did a full turn. She didn't want another confrontation. "Dana. Where did you go? I've been worried" Maggie said, walking up to Dana. "Umm...I went...out. You know, just around" Scully shrugged off the answer simply. She smiled at her mother trying to comfort her. Maggie knew instantly it was her 'I'm fine' smile. "Well, do you want some coffee or tea? I'm making Fox some" Maggie offered. Dana realised her mother was making a subtle exit from the room. Scully decided to take the easy road. "Umm...coffee please Mom. Thanks" Dana said, sitting down on the arm chair, which was positioned in front of the large bay window. Maggie nodded and left, leaving Fox and Dana alone. She knew they needed to talk. A few long mintues slowly crept by. Both Mulder and Scully tried to occupy themselves with other things. Mulder flicked through a woman's magazine a couple of times, then resorted to flicking through the newspaper and television guide. Scully pretended to read a book, but just stared at the small print. "Scully, can we talk please?" Mulder broke the silence. Scully stiffened at his voice, she didn't want this to lead to another arguement. "Mulder, I think we said everything we needed to say at Abi's grave. I don't want to argue again" she sighed. "I don't want to either. That's why I want us to talk. To sort all..this...out" he explained, dropping the newspaper onto the small coffee table. Scully stared at him, wondering why he actually wanted to 'talk'. After the way she acted earlier on, she was suprised that he wanted to talk to her at all. "Alright..." she gave in, placing her own book on another table. Mulder smiled at her in thanks. "Okay...Scully, why are you keeping everything bottled up?" "I'm *not* keep-" "You are Scully! You always do. Why can't you be open with me. Even your mother is worried about you because you're not talking to her either" he rationalised. "Mulder...I'm. You've never lost a child before. I have, and it is hard to deal with. But, *my* way of dealing with it is different from someone else. You of all people should be able to tell me that everyone deals with death in different ways. This is my way. I'm-" "But, you're not just grieving for Emily" he interupted. That name made her freeze. "Are you? You're grieving for both your daughters." "No..." "Sc...Dana...you can't keep it all inside. Yoou have to tell someone" "Mulder, twelve years ago when Emily died, I wanted to grieve. I tried to. But with our work, I couldn't. I know you wanted me to take time off, but *I* knew that if I did, you would go off and do something stupid. And I didn't want to be gieving for losing two people close to me. "And our work was very intensive, very emotional at times. Through that time, I just ignored the pain I felt. I just thought that if I didn't think about it, it would go away. And it did work...until now. And I don't know how to deal with it. That's why I'm acting the way I am..." she trailed off. Tears threatened to emerge again, to expose her inner turmoil. She was finally talking about how she felt, and it was hurting her. Mulder saw her distress and walked oevr to her. He crouched beside her, like he had in the hospital and placed a comforting hand on her arm. She smiled at him as her eyes continued to cloud with the unshed tears. "See? Talking..." he didn't have to finish his sentence. Scully wiped her eyes and stood up. She walked over to the kitchen door and peeked into the kitchen. Her mother and was no where to be seen and the kettle had never been switched on. She sighed and walked back into the living room. Mulder was now standing but hadn't moved from next to the chair. "Mulder...if we're talking, tell me how you feel" she said quietly, staring at him with her blue eyes. They pierced through him. He lowered his own gaze. "So I have to tell you how I'm feeling but you can't do the same?" she pointed out. "Well...umm...I..uhh..." he stuttered and started on many occasions. "Mulder...you don't have to if you don't want to" she finally said. She knew he would open up when he was ready. Mulder smiled at her, not moving from where he stood. They stared at each other, the uneasiness they shared building up again. Scully averted her eyes from his and stared about the room. She couldn't stand the horrid silence which deafened her ears and decided to break it. "Do you want a coffee?" she offered, sounding fed up and tired. "Yeah, thanks...Isn't your Mom...?" Mulder trailed off. After six years of marriage and nine years of friendship with Scully he had learned a lot about how her family acted, and how Maggie Scully's devious yet good mind worked. And Scully shook her head in an answer to his unfinished question. "Ahh..." he said, making his own eyes dart about the room, trying to avoid eye contact. Scully went into the kitchen and started to make the coffee. As the water began to boil she thought about what had just happened. She had told him what she felt, but he hadn't. And it was bugging her about why he hadn't. Mulder hadn't followed her into the kitchen but had sat back down on the floral printed sofa. He was thinking the same thing. Why didn't he answer her? He had asked Scully to share her inner-most feelings with him. He had wanted her to, and she had. But, when she asked him the same thing, he didn't answer. She had wanted the same honesty in return, but he couldn't give it to her. he asked himself again and again. he told himself. And he was right, it did hurt. He felt empty and really depressed, but he couldn't show Scully that he was feeling that. She was the same, and burdening her with his insecurties and feelings wouldn't be fair to her. She needed his support, not his pain. But when she asked him to be honest, he couldn't be, and that was unfair too. The feelings of despair, sorrow, and guilt built up to the point of over flowing. He hated it, and he knew why Scully did too. He sat there, hoping to regain some composure before Scully came back. Scully poured the hot water into the mugs, stirred it so that the coffee grains mixed with the steaming liquid. She could smell the coffee aroma, and she needed the caffine quickly. But, her thoughts still focused on Mulder. He was in a bad way, she could tell. Even though he was acting alright, for her sake she realised, he didn't have anyone to talk to. She did: her mother and her brothers. Mulder only had Sam but they didn't really talk much. Scully picked up the warm mugs and waked back into the living room. She saw that Mulder had sat down, his head in his hands. she thought. She set his mug on the table and sat next to him, taking a sip of her own drink. She watchded him momentaryily. He didn't move. He didn't get his drink, he didn't even lift his head. "Mulder?" she asked, putting her drink back down. He didn't answer her. "Mulder? Are you...?" she asked again, placing a hand lightly on his arm. Suddenly he sighed heavily. She knew he was crying. He body shook with the heavy sob which he let escape. "Oh, Mulder" she sighed, moving her arm around his shoulders to comfort him. He moved his hands away from his face, and she saw the tear stains on his cheeks. The look of pain and confusion was evident on his features. She felt her stomach tighten, she hated him like this. She pulled his head down to her own shoulder and embraced him. He turned his body towards her and returned the embrace. His tears dampened her blouse. Her hand stroked his neck soothingly. After a long while, Mulder's tears stopped, but the embrace didn't. They held each other for a long time, taking comfort and security from one another. Maggie popped her head around the door to see them hugging. She could see Dana's face was one of worry. Her eyes were closed and she could tell Dana was trying to hide her own tears. Fox seemed exhausted, but was holding Dana tightly, as she was to him. Maggie decided to go out for a while longer and left the house to go into town. After many minutes passed by, Mulder pulled away slightly from Scully, but kept hold of her. She kept her hands on his arms and looked at him. He smiled at her, telling he was alright, for the time being. She understood with a smile of her own. "Thanks Scully" he said. "You're welcome" she whispered. The tears still lingered in her voice. Mulder brought his hands up to her face, and he traced his thumbs across her eyes to wipe away her tears. She looked up at him. The look on his face had changed. He had a slight smile on his face, but his eyes still showed his pain. He pulled her towards him and kissed her warmly on the forehead, as he had done in the hospital when she had been diagnosed with cancer. When she had told him she was coming back to work, it was like a new beginning for her, and him. She smiled to herself, didn't move her head away from his. She looked down at his tie. Scully looked at his face, into his hazel eyes, when his brought his lips back. His eyes betrayed his emotions, if only to her. He seemed happy, yet still hurting. She smiled at him genuinely. Her smile told him she was glad he was there with her. She hoped he knew how much she appreciatated him, his company, his comfort. She looked at him for a long, suspended moment. Silence engulfed their world again, but this time the tension was absent. It locking them away from everything else that existed at that moment. Scully cotemplated Mulder, she was aware that his hands were losely still around her face, gently hold her. She moved forward slightly again and softly kissed his lips. He returned the kiss, soft and tender. It lingered on for a only brief moment, but a millions thoughts and memories flooded throught their minds during that moment. Scully closed her eyes as their lips touched. Mulder let out a soft breath, not realising he had been holding it in. They parted again, both slightly speechless. But they didn't have to say anything else for now. They both had the reassurance that the other was there. Finally, after many months of pain, they realised their trust and friendship still existed. They had been through some hard times together. But, they had brought each other through them, helping the other to over come their personal pain. Now was one of those times, and, as long as they knew the other was there, they would find a way to fight back. Because there was always a glimmer of hope. And they would never give up until they found it, even if it meant searching for a lifetime. --------------------------------------------------------------------X ----------X THE END ----------X --------------------------------------------------------------------X Thanks for reading!!!! Hope you like it!!! All comments to Trustyone@thewebbs.demon.co.uk