From: "Lisa J." Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2000 03:55:59 GMT Subject: MSR Source: direct By: Scullystar Disclaimer: The Characters Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. Rated: NC-17 Spoilers: General season 6 slight season 7 Key words: Scully/Other eventual Mulder/Scully Summery: Mulder has to deal when Scully becomes involved with an old lover. In both Mulder and Scully's POV. Archive: Anywhere as long as my name stays attached. "Everything You Want" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX "Somewhere there's speaking It's already coming in Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind You never could get it Unless you were fed it Now you're here and you don't know why" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX It's late here. I should have gone home hours ago, but I don't want to. I can't bring myself to go home. What's there for me? A couple of half-dead fish and some porn videos. Scully left at least 3 hours ago. She had a date. Yes, that's right. My partner of seven years left for a date with an old boyfriend from college, and here I am, pathetic as can be, wondering if she's going to fuck him or not. I know it's awful. I know I should keep my mind out of the gutter where my partner is concerned, but you know what? I don't give a shit at this point. I hate her old boyfriend from college and I haven't even met him. Hopefully I won't get the chance. Hopefully she'll be unimpressed with him and decide not to see him again, save for maybe a drink for old times sake every year or so if he happen to be in the area. In case you haven't noticed, I'm insanely jealous of this man. Without even having laid eyes on him, I know what he looks like already. I'm pretty sure I know Scully's type. He's tall, well built and blonde...everything Scully likes. He's charming, and witty, softening up that stern Agent Scully persona she's perfected over the years. Hell, if it goes as well as I think it probably is, he'll get himself into her apartment and into her bed before the night is out. Fuck, I hate this man. He knows thing about her that I don't. What she was like in college, what she likes to do in her spare time, what she wears under those cool sharp business suits. This has gone far enough, I think. You'd think that after seven years I'd be able to work up enough nerve to tell Scully how I feel about her. Where I want our relationship to be. What I wouldn't give to make love to her and to hold her and cross that line. But I'm chickenshit. Oh yes, Agent Fox Mulder, who's faced death and disease and who's lost everything imaginable, is afraid of his partner. My egotistical side if afraid of rejection. My heart is afraid of loosing her. Therefore, I am afraid of my 5'2 105 lb. partner. Of what she'll say, of how she'll take it, of seeing her walk out of my life for good. Even so, knowing that she's out with someone else has maddened me and that anger has given me some false courage. I think I am ready to stand up and tell her that I love her, that I need her, that I don't want her to ever leave me. I pick up my cell phone and hit speed-dial, knowing full well that I'll probably interrupt her dinner with Brad. Oh, didn't I mention? He has some pussy name to top it all off. Brad. Puh-lease. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX "But under skinned knees and the skid marks past the places where you used to learn you howl and listen Listen and wait for the Echoes of angels who won't return" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Brad and I have been friends since Junior year in college. I sat next to him in several of my classes, and we became lovers about a year and a half after first meeting. We had a good relationship, but after a few months, we knew that we were headed in different directions and that a long-term relationship just wasn't going to work out. He called me a few days ago to let me know he was going to be in the area. He's just moved here to the D.C. area and looked me up. I was happy to hear from him and accepted his offer to have dinner tonight. Looking at him from across the table at the quiet Italian restaurant, I see that he hasn't changed a bit. He still has the same small brown eyes, and chestnut brown hair. The same radiant white smile and strong jaw that I used to love so much. He's telling me about his move here and how he was transferred to take a higher position at the law firm he's working at. He's made partner at the firm, and I congratulate him, blushing idiotically as he flashes a smile at me. "So what secret FBI information can you let me in on, Dana? What do you do there?" he asks me flashing those teeth again. He certainly knows how to turn on the charm. I wasn't too sure how to let him know that I work in the basement office with my oddball partner investigating paranormal cases the FBI looks un-fondly upon. I was just about to avoid the question when my cell phone rang. I apologized and took the call. "Scully?" "Mulder? What's the matter?" Of course it was Mulder. Who else would it be? Why didn't I turn this damn thing off? Hell, why didn't I just leave it home? I already knew the answer to that. Because I knew Mulder might call. "Nothing, Scully. Just checking up on you. How's the date going?" "Fine, Mulder. Is this why you called?" I was getting annoyed. Sometimes that man had the worst timing. "Um...yeah...I'm sorry, this isn't a good time, huh?" "Whatever gave you that idea?" I said sarcastically, and bit my lip. I didn't have to be rude. Brad gave me a look from across the table, wondering what was going on and reacting to the tone of my conversation. "I'm sorry, Scully. I'll let you get back to Brad. You two have a nice time. I'll talk to you tomorrow morning." "Goodnight, Mulder," I said, and hung up with him, shutting the phone off and shoving it into my purse. "Was that secret FBI business?" Brad inquired with a hint of a smile on his lips. I shook my head. "No, it was my partner, Mulder. He just wanted to call and let me know that he had some information about a case we're working on. I'm sorry, I shut the phone off for the night." Brad looked at me and nodded. "It's quite alright, Dana. It must be exciting working with the FBI." I nodded and smiled as he continued telling me about his law firm, but my mind was a million miles away. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Ok, I am a loser. What was I thinking calling her tonight? She's probably going to kill me when she sees me tomorrow morning. She was probably having a great time, not even thinking about me. Talking and laughing with Brad...God I hate Brad. A knot has formed in my stomach as I imagine her sitting across the table from him, laughing, and talking. Sipping her wine and enjoying the company of a man other than myself. Actually, sometimes I wonder if she even does * enjoy * my company at all. It must be a relief for her to go out and have a normal relaxed conversation with someone. I am still unmoving, sitting here at the desk of our basement office, trying not be jealous. I shouldn't be. I have no right to be, yet I am. It makes me sick to know that Scully is out right now with her ex-lover. I know this isn't just dinner. I know this is going to lead into some sort of relationship that I'm going to be jealous over and I know I'm just going to push her away. They're probably on their way to her apartment right now. She'll probably invite him up for coffee and then...I can't let myself go there. I can't stand to think about her OUT with another man let alone in bed with one. Listen to me. I sound like a jealous lover. I can't help it. I DO love her. I love her more than anything, and I'm just too stupid to do anything about it. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX "He's everything you want He's everything you need He's everything inside of you That you wish you could be He says all the right things At exactly the right time But he means nothing to you And you don't know why" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX We're standing outside of my apartment, and I know he wants to come in. I don't think I've given off any signs that would suggest I want to sleep with him, but maybe he just wants to come in for coffee. I don't want to be rude "Do you want to come in for coffee?" I ask, opening my door. He smiles at me. "I thought you'd never ask." I let him walk in ahead of me and lock the door, shrugging out of my overcoat and throwing it over the back of the couch for now. I head into the kitchen, but Brad grabs my hand. I turn to look at him and he touches my face. I can't tell if I want him to kiss me or not, but I don't do anything to stop him as I feel his lips cover mine softly. It's been so long since I've been on a date, and Brad is so familiar to me, or he was all those years ago. I feel myself warm over as he dips his tongue into my mouth. I don't kiss him back at first, but it feels so good and suddenly I want this. It's been too long since I've been kissed. It's been too long since I've been with a man period. A long-forgotten warmth spreads between my legs and I whimper as he holds me to him, grasping the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. I feel his hands at the back of my dress, unzipping it, and I think about stopping him. I can't believe it, but I think about Mulder. I push the image of my partner out of my head, but feel guilt sweep over me. Brad continues kissing me, ridding me of my clothes until I am standing naked in front of him. He looks me over and smiles. "You are so beautiful. Just like I remember." I feel no shyness like I had expected, and just want him. Just to be made love to, just to be held. It's been forever, and I feel the heat grow in my belly. As he picks me up in his arms and carries me into my bedroom, I suddenly wish that it were Mulder, and grow tense. Why am I having these thoughts now of all times? Again I try to not think about him, but the tension remains, and Brad notices. He lays me down on my bed, touches my stomach and whispers to me "Don't worry, Dana." I nod and smile at him, but it's no use. All I can think of is Mulder. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX I watch jealously as Scully comes into the office the next morning. I pretend to be busy working on some report, and don't say hello right away. She moves to fill her mug with coffee before I notice it. She's different. She's...happy. She slept with him, I think miserably. "Good morning, Mulder," she says breaking the silence. "Good morning, Scully. Did you have a nice time on your date?" Like I really want to know. Of course she did. She had a great time, and I've lost my chance with her for good now. "Yes I had a great time last night." I force a smile. "That's nice. Are you planning on seeing Brad again?" Scully regards me for a minute. "Why all the questions, Mulder?" I swallow. "No reason. I'm just curious, I guess. Wondering if I'll get to meet the guy." Scully smiled at that one. "I think you'll get to meet him, Mulder." Great, this is serious. I can hardly make it through the day without staring at her, wondering what I was going to do. I don't think she noticed me staring. This is just going to get worse unless I do something. But I know I don't have the balls to say a word. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX "You're waiting for someone To put you together You're waiting for someone to push you away There's always another wound to discover There's always something more you wish he'd say" XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX It's been over a month since Brad and I started seeing eachother again. I thought that this would be just what I needed to take my mind off of work, off of life, off of Mulder. It's just caused me to think about it all even more. Every time I'm around Mulder, I feel guilty for being with Brad. Every time I'm with Brad I feel guilty for wishing it were Mulder. I thought it would go away, that the feeling of guilt I had would disappear after I spent more time with Brad, but it seems to have gotten worse. I feel awful. I don't want to stop seeing Brad. I care about him and I know he's what I've always wanted. Brad is my chance for a happy normal life, and I've dreamt of that for so long. I know I love Mulder. It's hard to ignore those feelings seeing him almost everyday. We have something beyond partnership, beyond friendship. I can't explain it, but it's stronger than love. It's such a unique bond. I am in love with him. I have been in love with him for such a long time. I know he's jealous of Bradley and me. If he would just * say * something. All he needs to do is say the words, and I'd stop seeing Brad in a heartbeat if that's what Mulder wanted. Mulder always asks about Brad, and I know there's always something else he wants to tell me, something else he wants to say, but he bites his tongue every time, and I am left feeling like maybe Mulder doesn't care as much as I think he does. I want him to tell me that he wants me to leave Brad. I would give anything to hear him tell me that he loves me, but who am I kidding? Seven years of dancing around eachother makes it awfully hard to just open yourself up like that. I've opened myself up to Brad too much too fast. It was an easy thing to do. We had been such good friends, and such good lovers that it was easy to ignore the little voice in my head telling me to slow down. I wanted to be loved and paid attention to and I knew Brad would give me what I wanted. While he's making love to me, I close my eyes. There's no joy there for me. The first time I slept with him because of too long pent up lust. Now it's like a chore. He wants to do it, so I agree. Oh, I pretend I'm enjoying myself. That's not hard to do. He's not a very attentive lover and I know he thinks I'm having a great time. So I close my eyes. And pretend it's Mulder making love to me. When Brad comes, I pretend to come too, and lay there while he touches my hair then goes into the bathroom. He tries to make me happy. He takes me everywhere, does everything I enjoy. He surprises me with gifts and sends flowers to the office once a week. Something I notice Mulder having a silent fit over each time they're delivered. The rain hits the window and I huddle under my covers in my dark bedroom as I watch Brad come out of the bathroom. I close my eyes, pretending to be asleep. Sometimes if I fall asleep, he goes home without a word. It used to bother me, but tonight I hope he leaves. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX But you'll just tight And watch it unwind It's only what you're asking for And you'll be just fine With all of your time It's only what you're waiting for XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX It was raining. It had been raining for three days straight and it showed no signs of stopping. If it had flooded the city of D.C. I wouldn't have cared. If it rose to my apartment and swallowed me whole, I don't think I would have noticed. I haven't noticed much of anything lately. Only that Scully is gone. She didn't leave or go on vacation, she's just out of my grasp now. I wanted to tell her, god knows I did, but I think it's just too late now. They've been seeing eachother for well over a month and Scully seems happy with Brad. He sends her flowers every week and I feel like vomiting every time she opens the card he sends with them and smiles. There's a knock on my door and I get up from my couch, turning off the baseball game that I wasn't really paying attention to. I sigh as I open the door, dreading company. I just want to be alone. It's Scully. She's crying. I usher her into my apartment without a word and walk her over to the couch. She sits down and keeps her eyes focused on the floor. I squat down in front of her and touch her knee. "Scully, what's wrong?" Scully takes a deep breath before looking me in the eye. "Brad asked me to marry him, and I've said yes." I didn't just hear that. She didn't just say what I think she said. I clear my throat. I feel hot. Is the heat turned up? "Why are you crying, Scully? You should be happy." She nods. "I am, Mulder. This is what I have always wanted. Brad is a wonderful man and I know this is right for me. But I can't help thinking about everything that I'm going to have to give up." "What do you mean?" She can't seriously be thinking about leaving the FBI... "I don't know if I could continue working with the FBI. I don't know if I could handle it, if Brad could handle it. I thought that I could go back to teaching at Quantico." I nod my head and bite my lip. I want to scream at her and tell her that she can't leave me. But this is what she's always wanted. This is her chance for a normal happy life and who am I to take that away from her? I've taken everything else away from her, but not this. I won't steal this from her. I sit beside her on the couch and take her hand. "I'm happy for you, Scully. I am. I hate to lose you as a partner though." Scully looks at me with this hurt expression on her face. What did I say? I thought she said that she was happy. I'm trying. God knows I am. I want to be happy for her, but this is tearing my heart to shreds. She stands up and goes to the door, and I go to get up, but she motions for me to stay where I am. I want to go to her and hold her and make her never leave me, but she's looking at me, staring at me with such a fierceness that I fear what she might do to me. "Scully..." "I thought that coming here might change my mind about all this, but I guess this is right." We stare at eachother for what seems like a million years before I realize what she means. She wanted me to stop her from leaving. She might not have come here thinking that, but she sure knows that's why she's here now. I get up, and move to where she is. She looks up at me, tears in her blue eyes once again, and I wrap my arms around her, deaf to the protest she utters before she buries her face in my chest. "Scully...this is what you've always wanted, isn't it? You have a chance to be happy. What can I offer you that tops that?" She makes what sounds like a whimper and looks up at me. "Nothing. You can't give me anything you don't want to give." With that Scully pushed away from me and I stumbled backward as she ran from my apartment. I didn't go after her. Even if she had wanted me to, I couldn't do it. I can't take this away from her even if she wants me to. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX He's everything you want He's everything you need He's everything inside of you That you wish you could be He says all the right things At exactly the right time But he means nothing to you And you don't know why XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Brad comes to see me tonight and I am actually happy to see him. He brings me flowers and announces that he's going to make me dinner. I offer to help him as I put the flowers in some water, but he refuses any help and tells me to relax in the living room while he "works his magic." It's been two days since I went to go see Mulder at his apartment, praying that he would ask me to stay with him. But he didn't. He thought I was happy and didn't say a word of what was on his mind. The feeling in the office has been tense. I know he thinks I'm mad at him, not that I've given him reason to think otherwise, and he's been very cautious with me. He hardly speaks to me. I hate it when we get like this. It always takes some major crisis for us to come to our senses and realize that we shouldn't be acting like children. This time, I don't think anything will make it better between us. I think I've blown it. There's no going back. Brad calls me into the kitchen and I smile at him as I watch him put dishes and napkins on the small table. "Hey, Dana...Do you have any parsley?" "Why don't you let me help you? Come on? It'll be fun." Brad comes over to me and kisses me on the cheek. "You are wonderful, you know that? What was I thinking agreeing to break up in college?" I feel myself blush. He always knows just what to say, and I know he means ever word. I kiss him on the lips and grin. "It must have been a case of temporary madness," I joke and dart away from the dishtowel that he throws at me with a laugh. Maybe Mulder was right. Maybe this is * just * what I've always wanted. Maybe I've been terribly wrong. Mulder never loved me. It was all wishful thinking on my part. Brad can give me everything I want. He's everything I've needed. In time I'm sure I can forget about Mulder and learn to love Brad the way I should. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Scully didn't come into work today. She called me this morning and told me she had taken the day off. She was going with her mother to look at wedding dresses. I remember the way she softly chuckled when I told her she'd look beautiful in anything she chose. I think we're getting along better than we were last week. I've stopped worrying about everything I say and do, and just gone back to the way it was before. Like nothing happened. We haven't spoken about what happened in my apartment. I don't think she wants to discuss it as much as I do. In fact I think she's just trying to forget it ever happened. She seems different now. She seems happy. Maybe I was right. Maybe Scully would be much better off with Brad than she would be with me. Maybe I've been terribly wrong. Scully never really wanted me to ask her to stay. She'll be happy with her new life and Brad will give her everything she's always wanted. That thought doesn't help make my love for her go away any easier. It's still keeping me up at night thinking that I'm going to lose her. Besides that fact that I'm in love with her and don't want to see her leave and marry Brad...she's the best damn partner anyone could have. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I'm probably going to go crazy. I can just see her walking down the aisle on her wedding day. I have to be honest, among the fantasies I've had about my partner, being married to her has always been the one that I treasure. It always seemed right. After being married to Diana, I know it takes a lot of work, but Scully is my soul mate. We'll always be together. Unfortunately in this lifetime I can only dream of having that kind of a life with her. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Out of the island Into the highway Past the places where you might have turned You never did notice But you still hide away The anger of angels who won't return XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX I watch the fire as I sip my wine and think about the day's events. My mother and I went to go look for wedding dresses. I hate looking through magazines and my mother was more than happy to come with me. I called my friend Ellen, but her son had a soccer game that afternoon, and couldn't make it, so it was just mom and me. It was really nice to spend the time with her. After about two hours four shops and fifteen dresses later, we decided that enough was enough and we stopped at a little café to have lunch. We talked about gowns, and invitations and guests. We talked about Brad and his work at the law firm. We talked about Mulder. My mother had been trying to hint at something all through lunch so, fed up, I finally asked her what it was. She asked me how Mulder felt about Brad asking me to marry him and everything that was going on. What could I say? I told her that he seemed fine about everything and that he had said that he hated to see me leave. That he was going to hate losing me as a partner. My mother nodded knowingly at me but didn't say a word. I hate it when she does that. I wanted to let it drop, but I can't stand it when my mother won't tell me what she's thinking, so I pressed her for answers. "Well, Dana, you know...Fox cares about you so much. It was evident from the first day I met him that you mean so much more to him than you think." I tried to explain to her how it worked, but either she didn't get it or she refused to listen to me. Now here I am, sitting alone in my apartment wishing once again that Mulder would let me know how he felt about me before I went and made what could be the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want to marry Brad and hurt him. I don't want to marry Brad and find out that Mulder loved me and want something I can never have. Why does everything have to be so goddamned difficult? If I had the nerve I would ask Mulder straight out how much he really cared for me. But I'm not that brave when it comes to things like that. Especially where Mulder is concerned. If I were, I would have asked him a long time ago to admit his feelings. Something inside me urged me to go see Mulder again. I argued with it and told it that going over there was a mistake, but it told me to shut up and just go over there. That everything I even wanted was Mulder and if I didn't have the courage to go over there now, I would marry Brad and be miserable every day for the rest of my life. I grabbed my coat and made a dash for my car. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX I am everything you want I am everything you need I am everything inside of you That you wish you could be I say all the right things At exactly the right time But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why And I don't know why Why I don't know XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Weary and beat, I collapsed onto my leather couch and turned on the TV. I had stayed late at the office to get a few things done so that Scully wouldn't have to do them when she got in tomorrow. Aren't I a nice guy? There is never anything on. I don't know why I bother watching TV. I get up to feed my fish and check my e-mail. I'm about to wander into my kitchen to see what food I can find in my mostly empty refrigerator when there's a knock at my door. I spin around and go answer it. It's Scully. This time she isn't crying. "Hey, Mulder. Can I come in?" I move aside to let her in and close the door behind us. She stands there in front of me for a moment looking up at me, fiddling with the bottom of her coat. "What's up, Scully?" "Nothing much. I'm sorry to come over unexpected." "You're always welcome, you know that." Scully smiles at this and moves into the living room. She sits down and I offer her a beer. "That would be great actually." I return with the beers and sit beside her on the couch. I watch as she opens hers and takes a long swig. I almost laugh. What a funny sight. "Look, Mulder, let me get right to the point. I'm sorry for the way I acted last week. I was emotional and excited and I knew that my decision to leave the Bureau was going to be tough. I guess I wanted to come over and tell you because...well..." Scully trailed off and I could tell that she was losing some of the nerve she had worked up before coming over here. She looks at me and I am a little shocked when I see the intensity of her gaze. Her blue eyes shine and I watch as her full red lips part as she takes in a breath. "You can tell me Scully. Talk to me. What did you want when you came over here last week?" Scully bit her lip. "I wanted you to stop me, Mulder!" she exclaims. "Stop you from leaving the Bureau?" "No...I wanted you to stop me from marrying Brad. I wanted you to tell me that you thought it was a bad idea. I wanted to hear you tell me you wanted me to stay with you. If you really are happy for me, and think I should go ahead and get married I will. There wouldn't be any reason for me not to if you were ok with it. But, Mulder...if you don't want me to go, I won't. If you tell me to stay I will. I just need a reason to stay Mulder. I don't have one right now...not unless you give me one." I swallow. My mouth is dry and my eyes hurt from keeping the tears from falling. God I love this woman. "Stay," I say. Scully nods. "Why? Tell me Mulder." "I love you Scully. I don't want you to marry Brad because I love you and I can't bear to lose you, I don't want you to ever leave, I couldn't take it," I blurt out. Scully smiles at me and takes my hand in hers. Moving close to me she whispers in my ear... "Make me never want to leave..." I turn my head and kiss her lips, dipping my tongue into her mouth to slide over hers. She moans against my mouth and I pull her against me, running my hands over her back. Scully moves and straddles my legs, a knee on either side of me. She pulls my T-shirt off over my head and trails fiery kisses across my bare chest. God, I want this woman. I make quick work of the buttons on her white blouse and push the material from her shoulders. A simple white lace bra hides her breasts and I watch as she reaches around and rids herself of it, tossing it into the growing pile of clothes on my living room floor. I pull her up so that I can suckle on her pink nipples, nipping and suckling in turn, her gasps above me urging me on. I feel my erection twitch as she brushes against it. I want to get out of these pants! I move her and stand up, pulling her up next to me. Feeling chivalrous, I pick her up and carry her into my bedroom. I place her down in front of me and she immediately pulls my belt off and has my pants off of me before I know what's happening. She kisses me and I feel her warm hand stroking me through my boxers and I moan. Scully smiles against my mouth and I manage her out of her jeans, stealing a glimpse of her in her lace panties before helping her out of those too. I can't help staring. Scully is standing before me, naked and beautiful. I take a deep breath. Her cheeks are rosy and there's s smile on her face. With my eyes I follow her slender neck down to her delicate shoulders. Her firm round breasts with the pink nipples are tantalizing. Her stomach is firm and sexy, the swell of her hips moves down into strong smooth thighs. I eye the thatch of curly red hair at the juncture of her thighs and smile. I want to bury my head between those thighs. "You're beautiful, Scully." I watch her blush a little and she reaches out for me. She rids me of my shorts and tosses them at our feet. Scully moves onto the bed and I join her, moving against her deliberately. I want to feel every inch of her against me. I want her to feel how aroused I am because of her. My erection pushes against her thigh and she opens her legs so that I might position myself better against her. I kiss her again, feeling her hands run up and down my back. Scully's hip thrust up into mine and I gasp. I want this to last, but if she keeps that up I'm going to have to ravage her right here, right now. My lips travel down her neck, over the peaks of her breasts which I take time to suckle in turn. I move over her stomach and tease her belly button with my tongue. She moves under me and I can tell she wants what I want to give her. I wasn't sure if she would want me to do this, but now know she has no objections. I nuzzle her curls with my nose, then part her with my fingers. She's so wet. The first taste is heaven. I can't count the number of times I've thought about tasting her just like this. Scully moans loudly and I lap at her, drinking her in like some rare nectar. I capture her swollen clit between my lips and she cries out. She cries out my name. I love the sound of it and can't wait to hear my name on my lips like that again. "Mulder, please..." I stop suckling her and look up. "Please what?" I ask, an evil little grin on my face that I just can't help. I'm making her crazy. I'm doing this to her. It's too good. I kiss Scully's mouth, letting her taste herself on my lips. She gasps a little as I settle between her thighs, my cock just pushing at her entrance. Scully wraps her legs around my back, and I slide into her depths. I moan as she envelops me. Her eyes close as I slide myself out then back into her. I want to look into those sky blue eyes. I want to see into her soul. "Open your eyes, Scully. Keep them open for me." XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX This can't really be happening. I'm not really here in Mulder's apartment. He's not really making love to me in his bed. I feel him move inside me and know that I'm not dreaming. He's asking me to look at him. He wants me to keep my eyes open for him, and I try. My eyelids are heave and they don't want to open. I'm too afraid that if I look at him, he'll disappear and I'll wake up, but I open them anyway. I want to see him while we make love for the first time. He is so beautiful above me. I get lost in his green eyes. They are deep and sad and they draw me in. He moves slowly, but I can't wait. I've waited for this for so long, I don't want to take it slow. I don't want to care about anything else except him and what he's doing to me in his bed. "Mulder, I don't want to take it slow right now. We have forever to take it slow." Mulder grins and quickens his pace. He feels too good to describe. This is Mulder and he loves me and he feels wonderful thrusting in and out of me. I move my legs from around his back and bring my knees up almost level with his shoulders. I hear him gasp as this changes the angle and I smile up at him as he stares at me wonderingly. I see his expression change and I know he is getting close. I concentrate on the erotic feeling of having him deeply in my body and clench my inner muscles around him. "Oh my god...Scully..." I am so close. I want Mulder to come with me. I know he's trying to hold off, trying to wait for me. "Let go, Mulder..." I whisper to him. His face contorts and he empties himself inside me with a cry. My body shudders with my own release, and we lay there, a sweaty sticky mass, unwilling to move away from eachother. Mulder props himself up on his elbows, keeping most of his weight off of me, and touches my hair. "So, Agent Scully...have I convinced you to stay?" I smile up at him and pull him to me for a hot kiss. "I'm not going anywhere, Mulder." Mulder looks a little perplexed. "I hate to bring this up now but...what about Brad?" I sigh. I was hoping the subject of Brad wouldn't come up tonight, but I don't blame Mulder for wondering. "I'll let him know, Mulder. I'll let him know that I can't marry him. I don't love him, Mulder. I never did." Mulder rolled over onto the bed and pulls me against him. I rest my tired head on his chest and close my eyes. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Scully's head is resting on my chest and I kiss her fiery hair. I can't keep my hands off of her and run them over every inch of skin I can reach. She sighs a contented little sigh and snuggles up against me. I have her back. I was about to lose her, but she didn't leave. She wanted me to ask her to stay. All she wanted was for me to tell her I love her. God, I do. I can't tell if she's asleep, so I whisper very, very softly "Scully...I love you so much. I should have told you sooner. Years ago. I don't know what I would have done if you had left." She is silent and unmoving. She must be asleep. I pull the rumpled sheet over us and settle down with her wrapped around me, her head on my chest, her legs tangled with mine. As my eyes close and I feel myself slipping into sleep Scully moves against me and runs her hand over my chest. "I love you too Mulder. You're everything I want." I smile and hug her. She's all I * ever * wanted. XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX Lyrics from "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon were used without permission. Obviously... Feedback please! I'll love you forever! Scullystar@hotmail.com