From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2000 10:51:02 -0600
Subject: Exploring Desires Part 1  by Katherine Benton
Source: direct

Reply To: picara_carolina@yahoo.com



Title: Exploring Desires Part I
Author: Katherine Benton
Rating: NC-17 for violence, consensual and non-consensual sexual 
situations, deviant sexual situations
Category:  Scully/other (but don't worry--it can't last)Mulder/Scully
Spoilers: Some minor references to all seasons through Orison
Summary: When Mulder and Scully work with a new agent, his entry into 
their lives causes months of intense angst for everyone involved.
Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Chris Carter and Ten 
Thirteen Productions. I'm only borrowing them. I have no money so 
please don't sue me.

BRAD LIDDLE RESIDENCE
WASHINGTON DC

"Good work Agents," Skinner said turning to leave with the officers 
who were taking Chester the Molester to be booked. 

Scully knew this had been another of those cases that wore Mulder to 
the bone--to the soul really. Chester, who's real name turned out to 
be Brad Liddle, had been kidnapping, sexually molesting, and killing 
little girls ranging in age from eight to thirteen--seventeen victims 
in all. Six of which disappeared and died since Mulder and Scully were 
put on the case. Scully knew Mulder had died six times in the last 
month and that today he would go home and die once more thinking about 
Samantha. The last victim had been a twelve-year-old girl with long 
brown, braided hair and brown eyes. Mulder had discovered the body 
himself on a tip. 

Scully was very angry with Skinner for putting them on this case. It 
was completely unrelated to anything resembling an X File. She 
couldn't hold it against Skinner, though, as much as she wanted 
someone to blame. Since his division had been handed this case two 
months ago, Skinner had slowly pulled every one of his agents to it. 
She and Mulder were the last. Skinner wasn't blind to the obvious 
problems in involving Mulder in this case. He just had to do it. And 
in the end, Mulder had solved it along with Scully and Skinner's 
newest agent--Andrew Ryan--recently transferred to Washington from, of 
all places, Salt Lake City. 

Scully and Mulder had privately admitted that although Ryan was 
rumored to be on the FBI fast track, he was actually a good agent. Not 
your typical 'give me a big case so I can make a name for myself' 
jerk. He really seemed to care about the victims, and that's what made 
him good. Mulder could respect that. That's why he didn't flee when he 
saw Ryan approaching.

"You guys going down to the station with Skinner?"

Scully had been looking at Mulder, who had been looking at his shoes, 
ignoring her. She needed to figure out how deep the damage was this 
time and she didn't want interruptions. Mulder just wanted to be 
alone. He welcomed Ryan's question for its potential to distract 
Scully.

"No," Mulder replied turning away from Scully to face Ryan. "He can 
handle it and the Washington PD has had enough of me over the last few 
years. I don't think they'll mind if I don't go." Mulder attempted a 
little smile to add a lightness to his comment that he was far from 
feeling. He needed Scully to back off. 

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I could use a good stiff 
drink. This has to be the worst I've ever seen. We don't get 'em like 
this in Utah." He paused. Scully had returned to staring at Mulder and 
Mulder at his shoes. Ryan felt like he was interrupting a 
conversation. "Say, you guys want to go catch a drink or two down at 
Squiggy's? The atmosphere in there kind of matches the mood."

Scully opened her mouth to say no but before she could, Mulder took 
her arm and replied, "You drive, Ryan. Where's your car?" She looked 
up and stared at Mulder. Ryan didn't notice. He was new and young and 
hadn't really found a place for himself yet. He was glad these two 
senior agents had accepted his invitation. 

"Gosh, that's great!" he said heading off to his car with them 
following. "I sure don't feel like drinking alone tonight, if you know 
what I mean."

Scully's jaw dropped a little lower when Mulder managed another grim 
smile and replied, "I sure do."

SQUIGGY'S BAR AND POOLROOM
WASHINGTON DC

Scully couldn't believe she was sitting in this bar. The 'atmosphere' 
reminded her of something out of a bad biker babe's movie and her 
black suit and silk blouse did not fit the part. They were getting 
more than their fair share of attention in the form of icy stares. 
Mulder and Ryan seemed to be oblivious to it. They were drinking and 
talking quietly. Comparing the aspects of the case that bothered them 
and the evidence they felt they should have figured out sooner. Scully 
was really amazed at how alike they were.

She looked around uncomfortably. When a burly, leather-clad, pool 
stick wielding, balding, Harley fan got up from the bar and began to 
approach their table with a leering smile, staring straight at her, 
Scully decided she'd had enough. "Excuse me, gentlemen," she 
interrupted their amateur analysis of the autopsy evidence, "I think 
I'll call it a night." At their surprised expressions, she continued, 
"While I'm sure you two make a lovely couple that I'm certain no one 
here will try to split up, I look like a third wheel. And I really 
don't care to dance with Spike here," she gestured to the biker gang 
member now only a few feet from their table. "So I think I'll see you 
in the office in the morning, Mulder." 

Scully stood to leave. Too late. 'Spike' had reached their table and 
she stood just in time to practically slide up his body--her five 
foot, two inch frame barely reaching his mid chest. He leered down at 
her and Mulder stood up as well, hand on his gun, a wary look on his 
face.

"Hey Jack," Ryan smiled at the man Scully was certain she was going to 
have to shoot, "why don't I catch you later. I thought you didn't want 
all the FBI hanging around your place." Scully and Mulder looked at 
Ryan and back at Jack, puzzled.

"You and Walter are bad enough, God knows, but even if this one is 
KGB, I wouldn't mind seeing her on a bike," he smiled at Scully and 
proffered his hand. "Jack Harrison. I'm the owner of this 
establishment. And you would be...?"

He spoke smoothly and with an educated voice. Stunned, Scully 
automatically shook his hand and opened her mouth to supply her name. 
Mulder moved to intervene, but Ryan beat him to the punch.

"This is Special Agent Dr. Dana Scully, FBI--and more trouble than you 
can handle, Jack, so back off. She solved the Chester the Molester 
case today. Took him down herself."

Scully and Mulder turned to star at Ryan, amused. Scully had indeed 
subdued the suspect, but he and Mulder had solved the case. 

"Wow, I'll keep myself in line, then." He smiled at her again and his 
expression didn't seem as leering as it had before. Scully studied 
him, trying to determine why as he turned to speak again to Ryan. "So, 
are you and Walter going to bring the entire FBI down to my bar? Why 
not just abandon the Hoover Building and set up here? Oh wait, I know 
why. Because last time you were here, you and Walter cheated my 
waitress, Bonnie, on her tip. Don't they pay you guys better than a 
lousy one-dollar tip? And she called your cab for God's sake and 
helped you into it."

Mulder had a ear to ear grin on his face now. "Why sit down, Jack was 
it?" Mulder pulled up a chair and shook his hand at the same time. 
"Tell us more about Ryan and Bonnie. And that wouldn't be Walter 
Skinner you're referring to there, now would it?" Scully smirked. 
Skinner was in trouble now. Mulder knew how to cause him grief without 
ammunition, but this had the potential to be the motherload.

Before Ryan could intervene this time, Jack continued, "Oh yeah--
Skinner. That's my man. He has one hell of a fine bike. Fast! Damn! 
Son of a bitch, pardon me miss, won't let me ride it. Says I'll wreck 
it. Shit, pardon me again, I've never wrecked a bike in my life."

Now both Scully and Mulder were staring at Ryan with large grins. With 
a glare at Jack, Ryan explained, "AD Skinner and I go back a bit. My 
father and he were partners when he was a young agent. He knew me when 
I was a kid. So when I got transferred here, he kind of took me in, so 
to speak. And we both have this interest in motorcycles..."

"AD Skinner rides a motorcycle?!" This was Scully, trying to control 
her laughter.

Jack answered, "A really nice Hawg, Dr. Scully. We ride one weekend a 
month out in Virginia. Selfish punk never let's us try out his bike. I 
bet he'd let you ride it. Why don't you come with us next time and see 
if you could loosen him up a bit?"

Scully smiled at the thinly veiled flirtation. Ryan looked concerned--
this was getting out of hand. Mulder put his hand over his mouth to 
stifle a snicker at the thought of his staid, proper, and ever-
professional partner on the back of Skinner's bike. Skinner's bike! He 
was glad he went with Ryan to this bar. It was turning out better than 
he could have ever imagined.

"Well Mr. Harrison," replied Scully, observing the same formality he 
had granted her, "I haven't been on a motorcycle for over ten years, 
so I doubt AD Skinner would be foolish enough to let me drive his." 
She noted Mulder's completely astonished expression and decided to 
have some fun. "But maybe he'd let me ride with him. And I'm sure you 
have a really nice Hawg too. I'd love to come out the next time you 
guys ride. As long as Ryan and Skinner are coming too, of course."

Jack Harrison, restaurateur, alias 'Spike,' smiled, genuinely pleased. 
"Why don't you give me your number and I'll give you a call the next 
time the club goes out?" Scully stifled another grin and handed him a 
card from her purse. He smiled and went back over to the bar to help 
out one of his waitresses.

Mulder exploded with laughter. "Scully! What in the hell did you just 
do?! You don't ride a motorcycle. And I thought you said you didn't 
want to dance with 'Spike.'"

"And miss a chance to see Skinner in leather," she feigned a shudder, 
"and riding a Hawg?" she said with an exaggerated accent. "If you 
could get an invitation from him, you'd do it in a second. Besides, 
you don't know everything about me. It just so happens that I can ride 
a motorcycle. I had one all through med school. Remember, it was my 
rebellious period. That's how I ended up in the Bureau. Rebellion."

Mulder spoke without taking his eyes off Scully. "Ryan, I want you to 
take me to a Harley store tomorrow--I'm buying a motorcycle. I 
wouldn't miss this for all the money in the world. I'm not sure which 
is funnier--the idea of Skinner on a motorcycle or the idea of Scully 
on one. Ooooh, Scully. Are you going to be wearing leather!?" he asked 
with his most leering tone.

"Keep it up, Mulder, and I'll wear my leather shorts and halter top."

"Promise?"

She gave him an unreadable expression. Ryan just looked miserable. 
What had he gotten himself into?

SQUIGGY'S BAR
ONE WEEK LATER

AD Skinner saw Andy Ryan approaching and waved at him He noticed he 
had a woman on his bike and a friend, riding somewhat poorly, next to 
him. He was glad the kid was finally getting around a little. And the 
woman was hot! Red hair, petite and wearing little enough that she'd 
be very sorry if Ryan lost control of that bike. He was glad he wore 
his sleeveless leather vest today. He knew he'd be a little old for 
any date Ryan brought, but it would be fun to pull his chain anyway. 
Besides--he may be well into his forties, but Skinner still looked 
good. And he always had the baddest bike, which attracted a fair share 
of attention from the ladies in this crowd.

When Ryan stopped, Skinner was shocked to see the friend riding poorly 
had been Mulder.

"I didn't know you liked motorcycles, Agent Mulder," Skinner began in 
his best 'don't fuck with me, Mulder' tone. It was immediately obvious 
what this was about.

The woman with Ryan pulled off her helmet. "We didn't know you liked 
them either, sir," she said climbing off Ryan's bike and inspecting 
his. He looked at her.

"Jesus, Scully!" Skinner's mouth hung open a few seconds before he 
snapped it shut. "I..." he cleared his throat and tried again. "I 
apologize Agent Scully, I just wasn't expecting to see you."

"You mean you weren't expecting to see so much of her," Mulder 
quipped. Skinner glared the patented Skinner death look at Mulder. 
"Don't worry, neither Ryan or I reacted much better than you did." 
Skinner continued to glare. 

Scully ignored them. "Jack wasn't kidding. This is one hell of a bike. 
How long have you had it, sir?"

"Jack?" Skinner still hadn't recovered. Scully had the good grace not 
to look up. She didn't really want to see her boss staring at her 
exposed midriff and cleavage.  This costume had definitely had the 
shock effect she was looking for, but now she was beginning to regret 
it. She never did like this kind of attention.

Ryan explained, "After the serial murder case, we all went over to 
Squiggy's to do the post mortem," he flinched at the inappropriate 
metaphor, "Sorry. Anyway, Jack came up and I introduced them and he 
mentioned you and the bikes and..." he looked more and more 
uncomfortable.

"And it went down hill from there, huh?" Skinner finished for him, 
taking pity. "That's ok Andy. I don't mind if Agent Scully here 
doesn't. And she obviously doesn't."

"Sir!" she looked at him indignantly.

"Just reminder of who's going to regret it most if Mulder blabs this 
all over the Hoover Building. As usual, I suggest you keep your 
partner under control, Agent Scully." His harsh tone softened. "And as 
for the bike, I've had it almost fifteen years. It's got a...." Mulder 
tuned out the litany describing the bike's horsepower and other 
features and focused on the more interesting features right in front 
of him. Namely Scully's. 

This was beyond belief. Scully was wearing black leather shorts with a 
'waist line' that hugged her hips. They were so tight he was amazed 
she could zip them up and were so short that they barely covered her 
buttocks. Worse than that, Mulder estimated that the halter top she 
had referred to, and indeed had worn, had less than one square foot of 
fabric to it--all leather. Black. Her peaches and cream skin glowed. 
And he had plenty of glowing skin to admire. The strapless halter-top 
was low cut in the extreme and her stomach,  from just below her 
bellybutton to just under her breasts, was completely bare. She would 
have more on if she had just worn panties and a bra. The thought 
occurred to him that they probably didn't make such articles of 
clothing in proportions scanty enough to fit under what she had on. He 
squelched that thought quickly. He didn't need it running through his 
head. At least he finally got a long, clear look at that tattoo.

The other bikers were arriving and Mulder began to grow uncomfortable 
with the attention Scully was attracting. He was relieved when she 
pulled a leather jacket and pants out of a bag on Ryan's bike and 
slipped them on. But that didn't mean he could resist a good jab.

"That sense of modesty finally reasserting itself, Agent Scully?" 
Mulder leaned over and whispered in her ear, teasingly.

She raised her eyebrow. It was so easy to mess with Mulder's mind. 
"Not at all," she replied sweetly. "Skinner just thinks it would be 
safer if I had more between me and the pavement...and the bugs... if 
I'm going to ride with him. That bike can go over 120 you know." She 
smiled and climbed onto Skinner's bike. Throwing Mulder another smile, 
she seductively wrapped her arms around her boss's chest as his bike 
leapt forward. 

"Come on, Mulder. You've got to keep up." Ryan yelled, taking off on 
his own bike. Mulder was going to get Scully good for this one.

****

That evening, they were sitting around Squiggy's drinking beer. Scully 
had left the jacket and pants on, much to many men's chagrin and 
Mulder, Skinner, and Ryan's relief. The last time Mulder had really 
been out with a group of people had been back in college. 
Surprisingly, he had to admit he'd had fun with this particular group 
of people. 

"Was I right about Walter's bike, Dana? You've got to give us the 
details. You got closer to it than any of the rest of us ever will." 
Jack laughed, passing by their table heading to his bar.

Scully smiled. "It is one powerful machine," she agreed. "I would have 
never imagined you to be a member of a biker club, sir."

"I suppose we've all had a few surprises here, Dana." She looked down 
quickly and Skinner continued, "I don't mean to be insulting, Agent 
Scully. Before your partner here punches me again--I apologize. But 
you can't blame me too much. You two know you didn't come down here 
this afternoon because of your undying passion for bikes. You came to 
poke a little fun at me. Turnabout is fair play. But I don't want to 
make you uncomfortable."

She looked at him sidelong. "No, you're right, sir. Turnabout is fair 
play and I deserve what I get. By the time we got finished joking 
about you last week, there was more joking about me than anyone else. 
I just decided to have a little fun. I may have gone a little over the 
top."

"A little!" Mulder sputtered. "Scully did I mention I've got pictures. 
I think I'll give them to Frohike..."

"Mulder, I don't believe you," she interrupted him smoothly and 
calmly. "But word of warning. If pictures of me in leather show up on 
the Internet, I might be able to find some pictures of you and Frohike 
together while he was helping me load your naked, unconscious body 
into a car for that drive to New Mexico after I shot you. I'm sure I 
could find some interesting angles." She looked threateningly at him.

Ryan just looked stunned. Mulder had punched Skinner? Naked pictures? 
Scully shot her partner? Was this the FBI?

"Ryan, you haven't been in Washington long enough to know everything 
you need to know about Agents Mulder and Scully here, so let me help 
you out," Skinner intervened. "These two are the finest agents I have 
in my division. Both brilliant. So they get a lot of slack. They are 
also both warped, demented, paranoid, suspicious, and extremely 
dangerous. Tread very carefully if you plan on trying to form any sort 
of non-professional relationship with them. Tread carefully if you 
work with them officially, for that matter. It takes long experience 
to deal with them effectively."

Scully looked at Mulder and then at Skinner. "Sir, when I start 
getting described along with Mulder, I think its time for a transfer." 
She smiled so Mulder would know she was joking.

J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
MONDAY MORNING

The only reference made to the previous day's adventures was a 'biker 
babes' calendar hanging next to Mulder's 'I want to believe' poster. 
This month featured a redhead girl clad in leather.  The only 
acknowledgement of it that Scully made was to raise an eyebrow. Mulder 
didn't know she flipped through it in his absence to make sure there 
were no surprises hiding in later months--like a picture of her. There 
were not. She hadn't really believed he'd taken pictures, but you 
could never be too careful with Mulder. She was amused that every girl 
on the calendar was a redhead. 

They settled smoothly and with out comment into their next case. 
Scully watched with amusement as Mulder gave her the run down, 
complete with slides and full color glossies of the scene. She didn't 
care. The case was in Washington. This was a record. Between the 
Chester the Molester case and this one, they would rack up almost two 
months straight in Washington. Scully couldn't remember the last time 
that happened.

They were several days into their investigation when Ryan interrupted 
them in their office debating evidence.

"Scully, I can't understand how you can refuse to see this," Ryan 
heard Mulder fairly yelling as he emerged from the elevator.

"Because there is nothing in that photograph?" she replied calmly.

"Don't you see these streaks? It's obviously..."

"Please don't say ghosts, Mulder" Ryan froze, his hand inches from the 
door. He couldn't have heard that right.

"Technically, they're called apparitions, as you well know. Why won't 
you believe it could be ghosts?"

"Because they don't exist, Mulder? Please. How could something with no 
physical form do this kind of damage?"

Ryan was pretty sure he didn't want to hear the answer to that. 
Instead, he interrupted their conversation by knocking on the 
doorframe. "Excuse me, agents. I don't want to interrupt..."

Scully smothered a smirk. Rolling his eyes, Mulder turned to Ryan. 
"What can we do for you, Ryan?" he asked as if nothing unusual had 
been happening. Scully wondered idly if Ryan realized Mulder's 
attitude wasn't an act--that their conversation had been like any 
other. 

"I was hoping you had a few minutes of time after work this evening. 
I'd like to take you both out to dinner as a bribe to get your input 
on this case Skinner has given me. I need a fresh perspective."

Scully looked at Mulder and then answered for them. "You don't need to 
waste your money on a dinner, Ryan. We'll look at your evidence 
without a bribe. We've accomplished about all we're going to today 
anyway," she couldn't repress another smirk. 

"How about if I call for a pizza and you go get your stuff," Mulder 
suggested. 

"Pizza four times in one week, Mulder? I don't think so. If we're 
going to stay in the office, order something from the deli."

"I didn't want to cause...." Ryan began contritely as Mulder picked up 
the phone.

"Don't give it another thought, Ryan." She looked at him sidelong, 
"You're way too...I don't know... polite, reserved maybe. This isn't 
Salt Lake City. You're going to have to learn to command attention if 
you want to advance here in Washington."

"Mulder seems to command attention," Ryan said quietly, not intending 
to be heard. 

Both Mulder on the phone and Scully responded in unison, "Not that 
kind of attention."

Ryan looked stricken. "I in no way meant to impugn...."

Mulder hung up the phone. "Sandwiches are on the way. Don't worry 
about it Ryan. If I were worried about my reputation in the Bureau, I 
might act differently. But you don't want me as an example. I'm way 
more trouble than you can begin to imagine. If you don't believe me, 
ask Scully. Now, what have you got for us?"

****

Most of the information Ryan had been working with was forensics 
evidence. They headed down to the lab and Ryan cleared Scully to 
re-exam the bodies. It was 11:00pm when she began to work on the last 
one.

"Scully, there's not a whole lot else I can contribute here," Mulder 
began, yawning.

"Go on home. This is really interesting. I'm just going to finish up 
this last exam. I'll see you in the office in the morning." Mulder 
nodded, smiled at Ryan, and left. "Ryan, this is going to be at least 
another hour. Probably more like two. You should head home too. I can 
call you in the morning. I think I have an idea here but before I get 
you excited, I need to see the same things on this body that I've seen 
on the rest."

"Scully, this is my case and you're doing me a huge favor. I wouldn't 
feel right if you stayed until 2:00am while I was sleeping." 

Scully's exam went on for another two hours as she had predicted. By 
the time she had finished Ryan had filled her in on all the other 
aspects of the case that he and Mulder had discussed. Her autopsy 
findings did indeed confirm many of the things they had speculated. By 
the time they finished talking, it was three in the morning.

"This was more of a help than I even hoped for. I can't tell you how 
much I appreciate this."

"I'm not done yet. Tomorrow I'd like to get a look at some of the 
other forensics evidence gathered around the scene. I'm betting we 
find....What?"

"You are so intense."

"So are you, Ryan. It's been a long time since I worked with anyone 
who was as completely on the victim's side as you are. Besides Mulder 
of course. It's refreshing...encouraging." She finished taking off her 
lab coat, mask, and gloves after cleaning and storing the other lab 
equipment. "The question now is: do we waste the hour it will take to 
drive home to sleep comfortably or do we sleep that hour uncomfortably 
in the office?"

"You couldn't really sleep in that office, could you?"

"I've slept worse places. And I've fallen asleep there before. We can 
get four full hours of sleep and use the showers in the gym to 
freshen up before work. It's not perfect, but it's better than wasting 
two of those four hours driving."

"And where do you plan we'll sleep, since you've got this all figured 
out?"

Scully was tired. Being tired made her punchy. "I've slept here in the 
morgue before. Those exam tables aren't too bad if you put some sheets 
on them."

Ryan actually paled. "Sorry, Scully. There's no way I'm sleeping in a 
morgue. Much less on sheets used to cover corpses, and don't tell me 
they're sterile. I don't care. You can sleep where you like. I'll 
sleep on the couch in my office." He began to leave and Scully 
followed him, laughing.

"So, have you figured out why they call us 'Spooky' yet?" She pulled 
him toward the door to the parking garage, indicating he should walk 
out with her to get the bags.

"Actually, I've only heard them call Mulder 'Spooky.' And I've heard 
how you shut down the last agent that said it in front of you so I'm 
afraid to comment." They laughed.

"And what are they calling me these days? 'Ice Queen' or 'Mrs. 
Spooky'? Or is there a new one out there? As you say, they're not 
stupid enough to say anything in my hearing any more."

"No, those are the only two I've heard...from some men you obviously 
shut down in a different way." 

She fished to change the subject. "Why did you transfer here, Ryan? If 
you don't mind me asking," she added quickly at his pained expression.

Ryan heaved a sigh and looked at her. "Chris, my former partner, got 
shot. He survived but one of the bullets, hollow tipped, shattered his 
hip. He's on desk 
duty until he retires. I didn't want to work with anyone else in Salt 
Lake. Everyone knew. Know one blamed me and it wasn't really my fault, 
but I felt like it was. You know?"

"I know." She said seriously. "I hope it turns 
out as well for Mulder and I when one of us finally runs out of luck." 
She smiled at him again and after a moment she turned to leave his 
office saying, "G'night, Ryan." Scully heard his office door close 
behind her and went back down to the basement. It was a challenge to 
her now exhausted mind to decide if she'd get more sleep in the chair 
or on the desk.

***

Scully awoke on the desk the next morning to a man standing over her 
with a gun. Still tired and disoriented, she reached for her own gun. 
A hand closed over her wrist pinning her to the desk and panic raced 
through her.

"Scully, it's me. What in the hell are you doing here? You scared me 
to death." She focused. Mulder, holstering his gun. She relaxed and 
glanced at the clock. Seeing the time, she closed her eyes.

"What are you doing here so early? It's only 6:00am. You left near 
midnight."

"I had an idea about this case. I repeat--what are you doing here?"

"Ryan and I didn't finish up until 3:30am. I get another hour of sleep 
before I have to get up. If you want to work, you'll have to do it 
without a desk. If you want to live, you'll work quietly."

An hour later Mulder jumped and Scully almost fell off the desk when 
someone knocked on the door. "Hey Scully, you in there? I wanted to 
make sure you're awake...." Scully rolled off the desk and opened the 
door. Ryan stood in the hall, shirt in hand. "I doubted that little 
gold watch had an alarm and I..." his eyes had wandered past Scully. 
"Good morning, Mulder." Ryan's voice sounded a little surprised.

"See Scully, I didn't wake you up. If you want to kill someone, kill 
him," Mulder smiled at Ryan. "Good morning, Ryan. You know, I should 
be angry with you for working my partner to death. I was hoping to get 
a little work done on an X File today."

Before Ryan could respond, Scully answered him curtly, still tired. 
"Mulder, I will be awake and I'll help you with the case we have open 
by 8:00am. That's when I'm supposed to be here. You might enjoy 
working with me more if there's coffee when I get back." Scully picked 
up her bag and marched out the door dragging Ryan with her.

"Where are you going?" Mulder inquired, leaning out the office door.

"To the gym, to get a shower. I wouldn't want to smell bad again." 

"Ah Scully, you never showered with me," Mulder quipped leeringly.

"Yes I have, Mulder." Ryan's eyebrows shot up. "And I have no doubt 
you remember it." The elevator door closed.

***

Scully stepped out of the ladies locker room to find Ryan waiting for 
her. She smiled. "Is that really Mulder's shirt?" He nodded. It fit 
him fairly well. She hadn't noticed how close to Mulder's size he was.
She looked at him more closely. He was fairly similar to Mulder in a 
number of respects, she noticed really looking at him for the first 
time. Same height and build, same hair and eye color. God knows he was 
as intense as Mulder. Same commitment to work, to helping people. He 
interrupted her thoughts.

"I waited because I wanted to talk to you. I really appreciated your 
help last night. Were you serious about looking at the other forensics 
today?"

"Definitely, but I have to deal with Mulder's ghosts first. How about 
if we get together around 3:00. I think I can talk him down from his 
latest paranormal theory by then."

"How do you investigate these cases?"

Scully looked at him, a little ashamed of the way she'd just spoken 
about Mulder. More than a little, actually. But Ryan showed no signs 
of interest in criticizing Mulder. He seemed sincerely interested in 
their caseload. Her mind instantly questioned why he'd be so 
interested. 'God! I'm more paranoid than Mulder,'  she thought to 
herself. "It can be difficult because nothing is normal. But as 
surprising as it is, he's right most of the time. Or at least to some 
extent. Anyway...see you this afternoon?"

"That's what I wanted to talk with you about. If you're going to work 
on this we should follow procedure and talk to Mulder and Skinner 
about it. Get their ok." Scully turned and looked at him with a 
slightly stunned expression.

'Well, that's one significant difference between Ryan and Mulder--
following procedure. This might give Skinner a heart attack.' She 
thought and then added out loud. "Look Ryan, since it's your case, 
Skinner isn't going to care as long as you don't and I doubt Mulder 
will notice."

"Just the same, I am still new and I'd think it would be best if I 
follow procedure. Skinner is the assistant director and Mulder is the 
senior agent in your division. We should speak to them."

"Senior agent?" Scully broke into a wide grin. "Are you implying that 
Mulder is in some way my...? Never mind. By all means. Let's go follow 
procedure. This promises to be entertaining." Ryan was beginning to 
wonder why he spent so much time confused around Scully as he followed 
her down the stairs.

Skinner happened to be in the basement office when Scully and Ryan 
returned. Scully's grin broadened. "Good morning, sir."

"Good morning, agents," Skinner replied looking suspiciously at Scully 
and Ryan.

"Ryan had something to discuss with both of you, so it's convenient 
you're down here, sir." Scully was trying to smother a smirk. Mulder 
and Skinner both noted it. Ryan apparently did not.

"Yes sir. It's regarding the case I'm currently working on. I asked 
Agents Mulder and Scully to look at certain aspects of the case last 
night. Mulder was a tremendous help with the profile and Scully re-
examined the bodies and found a significant amount of evidence to back 
up that profile that the original autopsy missed. Scully offered to do 
a little overtime to look at some of the other forensics evidence."

Mulder and Skinner nodded at him. He didn't continue. "And...?" 
Skinner prompted him.

"Well sir, we wanted to get Mulder's ok on that and yours."

Skinner laughed out loud and looked at Scully. "You did?" Scully 
looked at him evenly, trying not to embarrass Ryan. "Well, perhaps I 
should assign you to the X Files, Andy. I know Mulder will never 
follow procedure, but if I could get Scully back, that would be an 
accomplishment."

Ryan stared at him, "I don't understand, sir."

"Don't worry about it, Andy. You've got my go ahead on this Scully, as 
if you actually wanted it. This was an amusing start to the morning. I 
expect that report by noon Agent Mulder." He left the room still 
laughing to himself.

Ryan watched him leave looking a little confused. "Well, I'll see you 
this afternoon, Ryan. It looks like Mulder and I have a little work 
until then," Scully said moving to look at the files Mulder had in his 
hand. 
Mulder looked at her with a mischievous expression.

"Now wait just a minute here, Scully. We've got a lot of work here. 
What if I don't approve this little extracurricular activity of 
yours?"

Scully's eyes snapped up and she studied her partner sharply. Ryan 
opened his mouth to explain he didn't want to interfere with their 
work but Scully interrupted him. "Just try it, Mulder," she said 
dryly. "I'll shoot you again. Now sit down and try to explain this 
bullshit to me again so we can get it into a form for this report that 
won't give Skinner an aneurysm."

Ryan was again reduced to staring, eyes darting back and forth between 
Mulder and Scully. Without missing a beat Mulder said with a straight 
face, "Well you heard what the lady said Ryan. I'd better get to work 
or she'll hurt me. This type of abuse is illegal, you know Scully. But 
you messed up this time. Now I have a witness."

"I..." Ryan stammered. Scully took pity on him.

"Ryan, Mulder and I don't follow many procedures. He doesn't care if I 
work with you on this case."

Mulder laughed and added, "Even if I did, if she wanted to do it, I 
wouldn't stand in her way. And she sure the hell doesn't need my 
permission to do anything. She's my partner not my employee." The 
laughter in his voice softened his tone and Ryan relaxed somewhat.

Shaking his head and smiling he beat a hasty retreat. "What ever. You 
two deserve the reputation you have. All of it. The part that says 
your case resolution rate is the best in Washington and the part that 
says you two are Spooky."

"Who says only the best in Washington? Mulder yelled at the closed 
door. "We have the best resolution rate in the Bureau." Laughter 
followed Andrew Ryan up the stairs.

Mulder turned to Scully. "You didn't really think...." He stopped when 
she shook her head. "You know I respect you to much to expect...." 
This time she interrupted him verbally.

"Yes, Mulder. I know that."

"And that I appreciate you staying with the X Files...with me too much 
to push my luck."

She looked at him so he'd know she was sincere. "Mulder I know that. 
And I'll never leave the X Files. I'm as invested in this as you are. 
I'm here because I want to be here. And you're the best friend I have 
regardless of whether we're partners or not. We could both be fired 
and never work together again, but you'd still be the most important 
person in my life."

He smiled almost shyly and they turned to their attention to their 
report.

****

Scully worked Ryan's case until they caught the perpetrator. She was 
fairly exhausted with all the extra work, but she had enjoyed it. The 
case was engaging and Ryan was interesting to work with. She never 
welcomed the opportunity to work with anyone but Mulder these days, 
but somehow this was different. Tonight, Scully found herself at a 
restaurant close to the Mall having a celebratory dinner with Ryan. 
Mulder had sworn he'd come as well, but called to bow out after Scully 
and Ryan had already been seated. The Gunmen called with some info he 
couldn't resist.

So here were Scully and Ryan in a restaurant trying to make small talk 
over appetizers. By the time desserts were served they had covered 
every conceivable topic from family to how they joined the FBI. Scully 
was trying hard not to reveal how amazed she was at how much she was 
enjoying herself. Ryan picked up the bill and they stood to leave the 
restaurant.

"Let me give you half of that, Ryan."

"No way. It's the least I can do for all your help."

"You don't have to...."

"I know I don't. I want to. Say," he said as they got in a cab, "do 
you want to ride with the club again this weekend. We're going out to 
Route 2436. It's pretty out there this time of year."

"I don't know, Ryan. I got just a little too much attention last time 
and I got the feeling AD Skinner wasn't too thrilled."

"I can't imagine why you got so much attention, Scully, can you? And 
Skinner was only mad because you guys went out there to poke fun at 
him. If you don't want to go because you don't like the bikes, that's 
one thing but I don't think you have to worry about the company."

She looked at him. "Ok, I'll go if Mulder and I are in town."

"Great," he exclaimed as Scully tried to figure out what she had just 
agreed to and why.

****

Mulder and Scully were packing up for the weekend Friday evening. "So, 
what's on your agenda for this weekend, Scully? Did you ever finish 
that monograph?"

"Yes I did, Mulder. Almost two years ago." Mulder had the good grace 
to look embarrassed but Scully didn't continue. 

"So if you're not writing and you're not slicin' and dicin' what are 
you up to?"

"Actually, Ryan invited me to ride with the club again this weekend. 
Do you want to come too?"

"Three's a crowd, Scully," he said looking at her wryly.

She was shocked. "It's not a date, Mulder. It's no issue if you come 
or not, but it would be more fun if you do."

He looked away. "Motorcycles were never my thing, Scully. You were the 
rebel in medical school. Besides, I promised the guys I'd follow up on 
that new info they had this weekend."

"If you've got a case, Mulder, I won't go...."

"No, no case. Just some foolishness they came up with. I'm sure 
Frohike would like to come with you and Ryan though. I could lone him 
that bike. Where did you say you were going?"

Scully shot him a death glare as she locked the office door.

****

Scully fought to stifle the scream that arose in her throat and 
clutched the pockets of Ryan's leather jacket searching for a better 
grip. Catching her breath she managed, "Jesus Ryan, how fast are we 
going?"

"One twenty-five," he yelled back at her, the wind carrying his voice 
away as it did her breath. "If it's scaring you, I'll slow down." He 
felt her tense and shake her head. He laughed and was about to signal 
Skinner to pull over when he saw him fall back hard. Ryan also braked 
and drove back to Skinner.

"What's wrong?" Ryan shouted over the noise of the engines.

"Nothing," Skinner responded roughly. "I thought something felt wrong, 
but I don't see anything."

"Maybe it was the fact we were going almost 130 miles per hour. Can 
you imagine the ticket? They wouldn't even give us a ticket. They'd 
arrest us. You guys are crazy...sir," Scully hastily appended the 
honorific at Skinner's stern look.

"Scully, I never thought I'd see you scared of anything," he declared 
with a challenging tone.

"I'm not afraid..."

"Just the same, if there's even a suspicion that there's something 
wrong with your bike, we're not going that speed again."

"You're right," he said putting his helmet back on. "Guess you're off 
the hook, Scully." Before she could respond, Skinner powered off at a 
slower speed. Scully was obviously furious.

"Ryan, let me drive," she demanded getting off the bike.

"Uhmm, when did you last actually drive a bike, Scully."

"Let me drive or I'll pull you off." This was no-nonsense Scully. Ryan 
jumped back on the seat instinctively at her tone and Scully got back 
on the bike. The bike leapt forward and Ryan found himself at 
something of a loss as to how to hold on. He settled initially on 
holding on to Scully's hips but as her speed increased sharply past 
80, he shamelessly threw his arms around her waist and held on for 
dear life. She was bearing down hard on Skinner. When she caught him, 
she past him fast and sped on. She heard him speed up to close the 
distance between them and responded by increasing their speed again.  

After a few minutes she heard Ryan yell, "If there is something wrong 
with his bike...." She slowed down. 

"Are you crazy?" Skinner yelled at her, catching up again. "You 
haven't driven in years."

"Don't ever tell me you think I'm afraid of something," Scully yelled 
back and settled the bike to a more normal speed.

After a few more hours of driving and a few hours at Squiggy's, Ryan 
and Scully returned to her apartment with Ryan again in the driver's 
seat. "Do you want to come up for a few minutes before you head home?" 
Scully asked, sliding off the bike. The question surprised her.

"Sure," he replied turning off the bike. She turned and proceeded him 
to the door.

"I'm going to change out of the leather, if you don't mind. Make 
yourself at home. Get a drink, food whatever. It'll just take me a 
second." 

He rifled through her kitchen while she changed. When she emerged from 
her bedroom he had poured two cokes and was flipping through her CD 
collection. She plopped down on the couch. "Thanks," she said picking 
up the coke.

"Thank you. It's your coke," he said. "I think Skinner was a little 
surprised to see you again. I know he was surprised to see you drive. 
Now that it's over, tell me how dangerous it was. How long has it been 
since you drove a bike?"

She looked at him mischievously. "About ten, maybe twelve years," she 
answered calmly. He choked slightly on his coke. "You hardly have any 
right to complain. Don't try to tell me that speeds in excess of one 
hundred miles an hour are safe."

"I wouldn't have done it with you on the bike if I thought there was 
any real danger. I went over the bike meticulously Friday night and 
I've been riding for over fifteen years. We ride that fast every 
weekend. It's a rush, isn't it?" Scully nodded with an unreadable 
expression. It wasn't lost on Ryan. "Tell me the truth. Were you 
scared?"

She looked at him, trying to decide how to respond. She replied 
slowly, quietly. "Truth? Honestly, it was all I could do not to 
scream."

"All you have to do is tell me."

"I didn't want you to slow down. It is a rush."

"I don't want to scare you," he said softly, reaching out and putting 
his hand over hers on the sofa. She looked at his hand on hers and 
felt her heart pound.

"Ryan...Andy, I'm not...." She swallowed and tried again. Direct 
approach, very Scully. "What's going on here?"

"Nothing, if you don't want it to. Dana, I won't try to tell you that 
I'm not attracted to you. I am. Any man who's not blind would be. A 
blind man would be after a five-minute conversation. But I have come 
to value your friendship. I can be satisfied with that if that's all 
you want. If I can still have it."

"Of course you can," she replied automatically. "I just don't know how 
I feel about...Andy, it's been years since I've had any type of 
relationship with a man," she laughed. "It's been years since I had a 
friendship with anyone of any gender. My work with Mulder is pretty 
all consuming."

"Do the two of you have a relationship that goes beyond friendship?"

"No! Of course not," she looked at him with a slightly offended 
expression. "Did you believe the Mrs. Spooky rumors?"

"No, it's obvious most of the other Washington agents know you very 
poorly. I just want to be specific. I also value Mulder's friendship 
and I don't want to hurt him. Or you." She nodded, satisfied. "I 
should go." He stood to leave.

"Andy," she took his hand gingerly and he turned to face her. "I just 
need some time to think about this. I don't need for you to leave 
unless you want to."

"I'm not trying to push you, Dana. You were clearly completely taken 
aback by this. I think it would be best to give you a little space."

"I was taken aback. I admit that. Because it's been so long since...." 
she trailed off.

"Since someone made a pass at you?" he completed her sentence when she 
did not. "I don't believe that."

"Since anyone made a pass at me that I felt I might be interested in," 
she responded almost inaudibly without looking at him.

He reached up and caressed Scully's cheek. Leaving his hand under her 
chin, he turned her face to his. "All the more reason for me to leave 
then. You need some time to think. I want you to be sure of your 
decision. I'll see you in the office on Monday." He picked up his 
jacket and left.

****

Scully jumped at the sound of the knock at her door several hours 
later. She knew it would be Mulder. Rising, she strode over to the 
door and let him in.

"I was coming back from the Gunmen's and I thought I'd make sure you 
survived your adventures this afternoon," Mulder said entering without 
waiting for Scully's invitation. He paused when he saw the two glasses 
on the coffee table. "But if this isn't a good time, I can leave," he 
finished turning back to face her where she still stood in the open 
doorway. She didn't reply or move. "Scully? Are you alone?" he 
repeated. She just stared at him. "Scully are you ok?" he asked, 
returning quickly to her side at the door. He closed it. She still 
didn't reply. "Scully! I asked you if you're alright!"

"I'm fine, Mulder," she replied quietly, still without moving.

"The hell you are. You are pale as a ghost. What's wrong?" She didn't 
answer. He picked up the two glasses. "Ryan?" She nodded. "What 
happened that upset you so much?"

She seemed to pull herself together. "Nothing, Mulder. I'm fine."

Mulder wasn't buying. "Did you get hurt on those motorcycles?"

"No, of course not."

"Did something happen here?"

"No, nothing." Her tone was not convincing.

"Scully, something happened. I know you. Tell me what it was."

She turned away from him. "It was nothing. He did something that 
surprised me a little."

"What?"

"Nothing, I don't want to talk about it. What are you doing here 
Mulder?"

"Don't try to distract me. What did he do that surprised you?"

He spoke with that 'dog with a bone' tone that she knew she couldn't 
fight or ignore. She turned back around and without looking at him 
responded, "He made a pass at me."

"My God, Scully. What did he do? Did he hurt you somehow?" He was at 
her side in an instant.

"No, Mulder! He put his hand on mine. I asked him what he was doing, 
he told me he was attracted to me and then he left."

"That's all?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes! Why would you think anything else? He's a decent man."

"That's what I thought too, but Scully you look scared to death."

"I told you, I'm fine. He surprised me. That's all."

Mulder sat down in the chair next to the sofa and looked her 
appraisingly. After a moment he asked quietly, "Did he surprise you or 
did you surprise yourself?"

She looked at him sharply, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You are obviously upset. You tell me. Why?"

"Are you suggesting that my response to Ryan surprised me?"

"Did it?"

She looked down again. "Maybe it did. Mulder, I definitely do not want 
to talk about this with you."

"Why not?"

"God Mulder! I don't know. I'm really uncomfortable discussing it. Can 
we please let it go?" He said nothing. "How did your visit with the 
Gunmen go. Anything interesting?" Mulder considered his partner 
silently for a minute. She looked back at him. Her expression appeared 
pleading to him. He swallowed and launched into a story about the 
Gunmen's latest exploits.

****

Mulder was in the office early Monday morning sifting through files, 
trying to decide what case to look into next. He found himself leaning 
toward the cases that would take them out of town and he was trying to 
figure out if this was because they were truly the most interesting or 
because it would separate Scully and Ryan. He berated himself for even 
thinking that. Scully deserved a good man in her life. She deserved 
someone to love her and make her happy. She deserved a life. But he 
knew the idea that Ryan might provide her these things tore him apart. 
He was torturing himself this way when Ryan knocked on the office 
door.

"Morning Mulder."

Mulder tensed. 'Ryan is a good man,' Mulder said to himself firmly. 'I 
enjoyed his company before this. I can see past this.' He looked up 
and forced himself to smile. "Good morning, Ryan. What can I do for 
you? Got another interesting case?"

"No, actually I was hoping to speak to you about something personal. 
May I come in or is this a bad time?"

For the first time in a long while, Mulder found himself completely 
caught off guard by someone. He shrugged, "Sure, come in and close the 
door."

Ryan sat down and drew a deep breath. "There is no easy way to do this 
so I'll just jump right in." He paused and Mulder nodded, increasingly 
apprehensive. "I really enjoy your friendship and Scully's. I've been 
around you enough to know you don't trust easily, so maybe from your 
point of view I'm being presumptuous saying that. But I trust pretty 
easily and I consider you and Scully friends." He looked at Mulder. 
Mulder nodded again, now completely amazed and trying to conceal it. 
Ryan continued, "Scully and I went riding with the club again this 
weekend. I made it clear that I am interested in more than just 
friendship. I am really attracted to her. She's an incredible woman." 
He paused again.

"I agree," Mulder replied when it became obvious that Ryan wanted a 
response.

"You surely know there are rumors about the two of you." Mulder nodded 
again. "I'm not saying I believe them, but at the same time, I don't 
want to hurt her or you. I asked her if the two of you are involved. 
Now I'm asking you."

Mulder looked stunned. "What was her response?" 

"She said you were not. But she wasn't particularly convincing."

"Are you implying that Scully wouldn't be honest with you about this?"

"No! Not at all. I just got the impression from her tone that she was 
unsure where you two stood. I don't want to cause you or her trouble."

Mulder stared at Ryan completely slack-jawed. "I have to say Ryan," he 
finally replied, "that it has been a very long time since anything 
anyone said to me caught me so completely off guard."

"I apologize if I've upset or insulted you. I just don't want to hurt 
anyone."

"You haven't upset me and you certainly haven't insulted me. I guess 
you've surprised me. It takes a lot of courage to be this honest and 
up front. It's been a long time since I met anyone like that," he 
laughed derisively. "Hell it's been a long time since I met anyone who 
would respect me enough to care how I would react to this and I 
appreciate that." He stared at Ryan for another few seconds. "Is this 
conversation between us?"

"Of course."

Mulder stared at him again, trying to decide if he could really trust 
him. "Ok. Here's the truth of the matter then. I can't say that in 
seven years I haven't noticed the same qualities in Scully that you 
have. I also can't deny that I also find those same qualities quite 
attractive. And I can't deny that I have flirted with Scully. I kissed 
her on New Year's, but nothing ever happened after that. That may be 
why she's not sure where we stand." Mulder dropped his eyes and sighed 
heavily. "We've been playing this game for a long time. It's to the 
point where I don't believe I can't follow up on those flirtations, 
for more reasons than I can begin to describe to you. Not the least of 
these is the fact that I don't believe she's interested in me that 
way." He paused again and looked back up at Ryan. "But she deserves a 
happy life. If you can make her happy, I think that's wonderful. 
Sincerely."

Ryan nodded and made to leave. Mulder stopped him. "But if you hurt 
her, I will kill you. I'm not exaggerating and I never make promises I 
can't keep." It was Ryan's turn to nod and stare at Mulder somewhat 
shocked.

Mulder watched Ryan's back as he headed back upstairs. Returning to 
the files in front of him, he slowly re-filed the out-of-town cases, 
stared at the filing cabinet a moment, and then closed it.

****

Scully was tense all day Monday. She tried to conceal it from Mulder. 
He hadn't said anything, but Scully wasn't stupid. She knew he 
noticed. She distracted herself by wondering why he wasn't prying as 
he usually did. Around lunchtime, Ryan came down the stairs. This was 
the encounter Scully was dreading. There was no telling how Mulder 
would react.

"Got time to break for lunch?" Ryan asked as he entered their office. 
Scully froze. Lunch was definitely a bad idea. She was sure Mulder 
would have enough time to make some smart-assed, embarrassing comment 
in the time it took them to eat.

"Sure," she heard Mulder reply cheerfully. Now she was truly on guard. 
Mulder was never cheery. She turned around to glare at him, and saw 
the reason for Mulder's attitude. Ryan had brought pizza with him. 
Mulder was opening a small pizza box to reveal a pizza with the 
ingredients he loved.

"This is great, Ryan, but I'm a pretty big pig when it comes to pizza. 
What are you and Scully going to eat?" His tone was only half joking.

"Well," Ryan replied, "Scully is going to have this salad and I'm 
having this sandwich," Ryan replied producing the items in question.  
"If the salad isn't enough, we can split the sandwich. I never eat it 
all."

"You on some kind of campaign to make me eat Ryan? You keep trying to 
feed me." Mulder asked laughing at Ryan.

"You complaining?" Ryan quipped back.

"Hell no, free food is always good food."

Scully looked studiously at her salad, amazed by Mulder's behavior.

****

Ryan stopped by the office several times that week and each time 
Scully was astonished by Mulder's good behavior. She wasn't foolish 
enough to question it however. She also was afraid to question him as 
to why they were now on their third straight case centered in the 
Washington area. At least Scully was finally able to relax a little. 
Now, Mulder was flipping through 'research' materials while Scully was 
reading her email. She saw there was a message from Ryan. She tried 
not to tense openly and clicked on the email.

Scully,

If you have any free time this weekend, let me know. Maybe we can get 
some lunch.

Ryan

She smiled slightly. He really was going out of his way to not 
pressure her and she had to admit she truly appreciated it. He hadn't 
made the slightest innuendo at any point during the week. And when he 
finally did, he sent her an email that she could easily claim she 
hadn't seen before she left the office. He left her an easy out. It 
was time to stop fooling around. She clicked reply and sent him a 
message back.

Ryan,

How about dinner Saturday night? My treat. I owe you a dinner.

Scully

Sending the email, she looked a little guiltily at Mulder. He was 
picking up what had to be the hundredth book in a pile of a thousand 
books. He was working and she was planning a date. She turned from the 
email and logged onto the Internet to help with the research.

****

Scully felt like a fourteen-year-old child on her first date. Ryan was 
going to pick her up in less than 10 minutes and she was half dressed 
having discarded a dozen skirts, pants, and tops. One was too casual, 
one was too formal, one was too sexy, one was too plain. 'This is 
ridiculous,' she thought picking a shirt and skirt off the floor and 
putting it on. The doorbell rang.

"Hey Ryan, come on in. I just have to find a purse and some shoes," 
Scully said distractedly. He waited in the entry hall with an amused 
smile while Scully routed around. Securing a purse, he raised an 
eyebrow when she put her gun in it. "You learn to be ready for 
anything when Fox Mulder is your partner. I fully expect at least one 
call during dinner. Speaking of which, where's my phone." She found it 
and headed for the door. "I'm ready if you are, Ryan," she declared.

He followed her out the door. "Does everyone always call you Scully?" 
he asked as she was locking the door. She looked at him questioningly. 
"Just curious. Walter does, Mulder does, all the agents do. Do you 
prefer it or...?"

"Mulder started it. He hates to be called Fox. I tried it once and 
let's just say it didn't go over well. He always called me Scully. I 
think at first to try to put some distance between us. He really 
didn't want me as a partner in the beginning. After he began to accept 
me, it still stuck. I'm so accustomed to it now, I don't even think 
about it." She smiled at him. "Don't hesitate to call me Dana. Just 
don't do it if I'm about to walk in front of a truck. I might not know 
who you're talking to and get hit."

He laughed. "Well, I'm not Mulder. Yell Andy at me or I'll definitely 
get flattened." 

This time Scully laughed. "Got it, Andy. So, where do you want to 
eat?"

"Well, I imagine that you've had enough Chinese for a life time. With 
all that pizza I can't believe you could face Italian. You don't look 
like the steak type. Do you like Mexican or is that too close to 
pizza?"

"How about that place down by the Galleria?"

"Sounds great."

Scully found herself laughing hysterically over dessert--a mutilated 
plate of flan. "So I flipped the flan off my spoon and it stuck to the 
ceiling." She laughed at the memory of her high school Spanish class's 
field trip to a Mexican restaurant. Ryan also howled. "But that's not 
the best part. I went back to that restaurant with my parents a few 
months later and the flan was still on the ceiling."

"No way!"

"I swear it. I didn't dare laugh because there was no way I could 
explain that to my father. So I spent the entire meal biting my 
tongue, literally, to try to stay in control. I thought I would die."

"I thought you spoke German," Ryan said after he stopped laughing.

"How on Earth did you know that?"

He looked suddenly contrite. "Please don't get angry about this." She 
sobered up and waited for him to continue. "I looked up your personnel 
file."

"Why!"

"Well, we were working so closely during the Chester case. I needed to 
know more about you and Mulder."

"You looked at his too?" He nodded. "You saw them both and you kept 
working with us. Brave man. Or crazy."

"Are you angry?"

"No, of course not. Mulder looked you up too." Ryan raised his 
eyebrow. "That can't surprise you."

He smirked, "I suppose not." 

"Well here's something that might. He knows...well, he knows what 
happened after we rode last weekend. I'll bet you the price of the 
next dinner that if you do a little investigating you'll find out 
Mulder has done a complete background check on you. Probably one more 
thorough than the Bureau did. Mulder has some pretty amazing sources."

"You're kidding?!"

"Nope. Pray he doesn't find anything that bothers him. Mulder is very 
protective of the few people he lets into his life."

"I've noticed."

"How?"

Ryan looked concerned. "I didn't feel comfortable pursuing this 
without speaking to him. I thought it might make it easier for...well, 
at least me, if not him, if we talked about it. Mulder told me, and I 
quote, 'If you can make her happy, I think that's wonderful. 
Sincerely. But if you hurt her, I will kill you. I'm not exaggerating 
and I never make promises I can't keep.' If I live to be one hundred 
I'll never forget his expression."

"You're not serious." Scully's hand flew to her mouth, shock 
registering plainly on her face.

"Very, and I believe him. I have no doubt he'll do it. And I have no 
doubt it wouldn't be pleasant."

After staring for several moments, Scully let out a long breath. "My 
God, Andy. I am so sorry...."

"Do not be. I like Mulder. A lot. He's a good, honest man. I respect 
him. That's why I spoke to him. I don't blame him for what he said. 
You couldn't possibly ask for a better friend. He would do absolutely 
anything for you." She just stared at him. After a few beats, he 
repeated his earlier question. "So, I thought you speak German."

"I do, but I learned that when we were stationed in Germany. Daddy was 
in the Navy but he did a year of training in Germany. I was really 
young and I picked it up easily. Then I took it in college and it 
really came back. I never really liked the Spanish, but it was 
required at the high school in California."

The conversation flowed easily the rest of the evening without further 
bombshells. When they arrived back at Scully's apartment, it was dark 
and he insisted upon walking her to the door. Scully admitted to 
herself that this made her nervous. She had a nice night, but she 
wasn't ready for anything else.

He stopped her with a hand on her elbow as she entered her apartment. 
She felt her pulse begin to race. "Listen, Dana. I don't want to 
create divisions between you and Mulder. But I'd like to ask you not 
to repeat to him that I told you what he said. He asked me not to and 
I really didn't remember that until after I'd already opened my mouth. 
I understand if you can't agree to that, but if you don't, at least 
try to convince him not to kill me."

"I'll be honest with you Andy. I don't make a habit of keeping 
anything from Mulder. For no other reason than it's impossible. But I 
don't think it would be smart to give him the details of our personal 
conversations. I won't tell Mulder you told me. But, Mulder is very 
sensitive about that type of thing and once a person looses his trust, 
they never get it back. If you really value his friendship, and it's 
truly precious, you'll learn to respect his little quirks."

Ryan nodded. "Thanks. I'll see you on Monday then. Try to get some 
rest tomorrow."

"Two days without an adventure with Mulder? Not likely." Scully's 
nerves increased as Ryan's departure neared. She wasn't ready for him 
to kiss her.

He laughed. "See you Monday," he repeated. He ran his hand down her 
arm from where it rested on her elbow, squeezed her hand, and turned 
to walk down her hallway. She relaxed.

"G' night, Andy."

"Night."

Scully unlocked her door and went into her apartment. Closing the 
door, she leaned against it and sighed. She had to admit, she enjoyed 
herself.

****

Mulder reached for the phone for the millionth time that night and for 
the millionth time he forced his hands away from the receiver. He had 
sworn to himself that he was not going to call Scully. He didn't want 
to ruin her night and he didn't want to ruin his own by adding any 
solid evidence to back up his already active imagination. He wanted 
Scully to be happy. He was increasingly convinced he couldn't make her 
happy. She hadn't responded when he told her he loved her. She had 
thought he was drugged. She hadn't really responded when he kissed 
her. She smiled. She didn't push him away. But she didn't put her arm 
around him or even brush up against him the rest of the night. If Ryan 
could make her happy, he should be glad. But it was killing him.

continued

Title: Exploring Desires Part II
Author: Katherine Benton

MULDER AND SCULLY'S OFFICE
J EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
Scully entered the office even more apprehensively this Monday than 
she had the last. Mulder hadn't called her all weekend long. She knew 
him well enough that anytime he showed restraint, he made up for it 
later by some flamboyant display. Mulder was there as she came in.

"Good morning Scully," Mulder said in a jovial tone.

Scully was immediately on guard. "Good morning, Mulder," she said 
cautiously.

"How was your weekend?"

'Here it comes,' she thought. "Fine. How was yours?"

"Good." He looked at her with an expression that was at once 
mischievous and nervous. That surprised Scully. His next statement 
distracted her from analyzing his nervousness. "How was your date with 
Ryan?"

She wasn't surprised that he knew they had a date even though she 
hadn't mentioned it. She decided that might be a good tactic to divert 
him. "What makes you think Ryan and I went on a date?"

He looked down. "Scully, don't do this. Don't deny you are seeing 
Ryan. There's no need for that. If you don't feel comfortable 
discussing your personal life at work, I understand that. Just say 
so." he said quietly. "But I know you went out. I'm simply asking if 
you enjoyed yourself. I sincerely hope you did."

He was obviously hurt by her evasion and she was sorry. That was not 
her intent. She walked over to the desk where he was sitting and took 
his hand. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean to appear to be evasive or 
untruthful with you. I do feel uncomfortable discussing this with you 
but not because this is work and your just my co-worker. I didn't mean 
to make you feel that way. I feel uncomfortable discussing this with 
you because we are so close...such good friends.... I know that 
doesn't make sense."

"Ok, I won't push it. Coffee's fresh. It just finished brewing." He 
spoke quietly, his voice even. A far cry from his earlier joviality. 
Scully shook her head.

"It was nice, Mulder. We went to dinner and had a really funny 
conversation." She turned and poured the coffee. "It's weird though. 
It's been years since I've been out with anyone. It just feels 
strange. Maybe that's why I'm uncomfortable discussing it. I haven't 
really processed how I feel about it." She sat down in front of the 
desk with her coffee. "What did you do this weekend? Any progress with 
the case?"

"Not much. I just can't figure out the MO in this one."

"This is your area of expertise, not mine. If you're lost, imagine me. 
Mulder can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"About me and Ryan?"

"If I can ask you questions, it's certainly fair for you to ask me 
one."

"Does it bother you? That I'm going out with him, I mean."

Anyone else might have missed Mulder's grip tightening around his 
coffee mug. Scully noticed. "Scully, how can it bother me if you are 
happy? You know I care about you. You know I hate how involvement with 
the X Files has hurt you so many ways and taken away so many 
opportunities. If you can find something...someone...that makes you 
happy, how can I oppose that?"

Scully could tell his answer was half-true. She also knew she'd get no 
further in this discussion and she wasn't sure what she'd do if he 
were completely honest. She nodded and picked up the pictures Mulder 
had been looking at earlier. "Well, the lab results came back. Nothing 
conclusive. I can't contribute anything here, Mulder. We obviously 
aren't seeing something."

Five hours later they were still tossing ideas back and forth about 
the evidence they had so far and they still had not a single theory. 
Mulder's back was to the door and he was talking about the positioning 
of the bodies when he saw Scully looking past him to the door. He shut 
up and turned around. Ryan. 

"Sounds like you two are pretty stressed out. You can feel the tension 
in here. Tough case?"

"We haven't got all the information we need yet," Scully replied. Her 
answer was true, but her tone struck Mulder as somewhat evasive. When 
she came around from behind the desk and stood in front of the 
pictures, blocking Ryan's access to them, Mulder was truly puzzled.

"Would a fresh perspective help?" Ryan offered.

"The stuff we look at is a little weird, Ryan." Scully responded. 
Mulder was staring at her now. He stepped over and picked up one of 
the crime scene photos.

"Have a look if you want to. Scully and I both agree that this is some 
type of ritualistic killing. Usually I'm pretty good at identifying 
occult or paranormal related phenomena but this one has me stumped. 
Scully can usually find something that stands out in the autopsy...."

"But nothing this time," she interrupted him. "Right now we're 
reviewing occult activities to see if we can identify any 
connections."

"Occult connections?" Ryan sounded skeptical.

"That's what we do down here, Ryan."

He looked at her. "Well, I suppose it makes sense given the crime 
scene photos. But you couldn't be more correct that I won't be any 
help here. I know less than nothing about the occult. Jesus, Scully," 
he said taking one last look at the photo before tossing it back to 
the desk, "I sure don't see how you do this. Mulder, where did you 
learn all this stuff?"

"Almost ten years doing it, you see a lot. It's not any different than 
experience with any other type of crime. Word has it you're getting 
the missing persons cases. That's one area I refused to work. I don't 
see how you can do that. It's just too tragic."

"Well, given your history that's pretty understandable." Mulder looked 
at Scully.

"Mulder please, I didn't say a word about Samantha. You looked at his 
personnel file. He looked at yours."

Mulder stared at Ryan long enough that both Ryan and Scully were 
feeling nervous and then he burst out laughing. "I knew I liked you 
for a reason, Ryan. Well, I'm glad you're well informed about the kind 
of trouble I can bring you."

Ryan smiled, relaxing. "Well, I won't even ask if you guys have time 
to break for lunch. I'm going to the deli. Want me to bring anything 
back?"

"What do you think Scully? Care for a break? We're not getting 
anywhere here. How about a break and then we'll go up stairs and annoy 
Skinner with the evidence so far. Maybe he'll have an idea."

Scully searched desperately through her mind for any activity she 
might legitimately perform in the lab. Lunch with Mulder and Ryan was 
not a pleasant idea. But she could think of nothing. Silently, she 
picked up her coat and followed them out.

****

As Scully and Ryan's relationship stretched on, Scully marveled at 
Mulder's attitude. She knew he was jealous of the time she and Ryan 
spent together. She couldn't quite convince herself this was because 
he really had feelings for her beyond friendship. She believed he was 
jealous primarily because he had always been possessive of her time 
and attention. Despite her belief that he was jealous, he showed no 
overt signs of it. He respected her private time unfailingly, never 
calling her after hours or on weekends except for legitimate 
emergencies. He limited their out of town time to the minimum. He also 
continued enjoying lunches and some afternoon weekend activities with 
she and Ryan. 

More noticeable was his attitude toward her. She realized suddenly as 
she argued in the office with him that he was standing behind his 
desk. Ordinarily when they argued he stood very much in her personal 
space. When they first started working together, this infuriated her. 
She saw it as an attempt to intimidate her. She quickly noticed that 
he always stood too close to her. She never understood why, but he 
did. Seeing him behind his desk caught her by surprise. Paying closer 
attention for the next few days she observed that he was clearly 
avoiding invading her personal space in more ways than one. He stood 
well back from her, didn't whisper into her ear, and didn't touch her 
back or hands as he frequently was wont to do. Perhaps the most 
disturbing difference was that he never looked at her anymore. She 
used to look up and catch him staring at her. Not now. She used to be 
able to look at him in the presence of other people and silently 
communicate with him with just her eyes or a slight gesture. Now he 
seemed to be avoiding eye contact with her except when they were 
directly speaking to one another. She understood why he was acting 
this way--he was clearly trying to respect her relationship with Ryan. 
She just wasn't sure she liked how he was doing it.

****

Scully and Ryan had been dating for several months. 'Actually', Mulder 
thought, 'they have been dating for exactly five months, twenty-three 
days, and seven hours.' He sighed and slouched back on his couch. 
Lonely, was all he could think. Amazingly lonely. He hadn't really 
recognized how much a part of his life she was. He knew, but he hadn't 
completely understood. And now there was nothing he could do. Except 
stay out of her way. Knowing she was involved with someone, knowing 
that Ryan was kissing her, holding her, touching her, he found he 
couldn't bear to have any physical contact with her. He couldn't trust 
himself not to seize her, pull her to him and kiss her himself. And he 
couldn't do that. Not now. For seven years he could have. Over the 
last year he came very close. On New Years he did, briefly. He wanted 
more. But he couldn't. Now, some other man could. Did. These thoughts 
were slowly driving him insane.

So he stayed away from her, respected her time with him, pretended to 
be happy for them, and wholeheartedly believed he was going to die.

****
Scully felt guilty going out tonight. She and Mulder had been working 
on their current case for five weeks. They  had eight bodies, all 
drained of blood, all found with bowls containing a substance that 
appeared to be blood. Scully's tests proved it was blood and 
absolutely no trace of any foreign chemicals. From the autopsy 
results, if the bowls didn't contain all the blood drawn from the 
bodies, it was damn close--no significant amount was missing. But 
there wasn't a single puncture wound or cut on any of the bodies. She 
couldn't explain the blood loss, but she could confirm the blood was 
the victims'. She and Mulder had parted company today pretty 
frustrated.

Ryan and Scully had planned to go dancing tonight. Ryan had told her 
about a new club and she was excited to go. The last time she'd been 
dancing, she was still in medical school. In addition to being 
excited, she was angry with Mulder for making her feel guilty for 
going. And she felt guilty for feeling angry because Mulder hadn't 
really done anything. In fact he'd told her to have a good time. He'd 
also stayed in the office and continued to work when she left. That 
had been a regular occurrence for the last month or so. So, as she 
dressed for her date she felt guilty.

When Ryan knocked on her door, she was still arguing with herself 
about going on this date. She threw open the door while trying to zip 
her dress. Ryan laughed at her disheveled appearance and helped her 
with the zipper. 

"Long day?" he asked, still smiling.

"Ryan, I'm not sure I should be doing this tonight. We've made no 
progress on this case and Mulder is in the office tonight...." she 
sounded completely distracted.

"Did he want you to stay?" he interrupted calmly.

She turned to face him. "No, he told me to leave but..."

"Well, I won't argue with that. Dana, it's Friday night. The club is 
going to be wild. We are going to have a good time. And then, on 
Monday, you can go back to work rested and really contribute 
something. Ok? Now let's go have some fun." She still looked hesitant. 
"Fun is allowed, Dana."

She smiled, "Ok, Andy. You're right. Let's go."

Scully's jaw dropped when she saw the club Ryan took her to. It was 
incredible. As they approached the door, she was certain they'd never 
get in but Ryan guided her to the front of the line. The doorman stood 
aside and they entered without delay. Scully looked at Ryan amazed and 
amused, eyebrows raised. 

"You're with the in-crowd tonight, Dana," he said slyly, responding to 
her expression. She laughed. He led her to the bar and ordered them 
drinks. Ryan enjoyed the looks he was getting. Scully was wearing a 
green satin slip dress that was at least three inched above her knees. 
It was also low cut front and back, revealing enough cleavage to make 
it extremely difficult to keep his eyes from roaming and enough of her 
muscular back to make it impossible for him to keep his hands off her. 
Every man in the room noticed her. He couldn't wait to dance with her.

She put down her drink. "Let's dance," she said. She was beaming at 
him, excitement in her eyes. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him to the 
dance floor. If he thought she was getting a lot of attention at the 
bar, he now saw what a lot of attention was. She was remarkable. He 
pulled her closer to him and the sensation of her body brushing 
against his as they gyrated to the music was overwhelming. He ran his 
hands lightly along her bare back. Her eyes flashed up to his at the 
contact. He saw desire there. His caresses became firmer as his hands 
roamed lower from her back to her hips and bottom, pulling her even 
closer to him.

They danced until the club closed. Leaving, they were silent. Ryan 
didn't dare speak. He was barely in control. Scully was stunned to 
silence because she felt the same way. Ryan's emotions were plain for 
anyone to see. The fact that she reciprocated them surprised her a 
little. She and Andy still had not done anything but date. She was 
obviously not ready, despite the time they had been dating. She was 
impressed and appreciative that he respected that without pushing her. 
Tonight, she needed for things to slow down so she could get in 
control.

That was not to be. Entering the car, he put his hand over hers, 
folded in her lap. As he drove, he traced patterns on her hands with 
his thumb, occasionally touching her thigh as well. It was driving her 
insane. When they reached her apartment, he followed her up. She knew 
it wouldn't be a good idea for him to come in but when she unlocked 
the door, he pushed her in. She looked up at him, a slightly 
frightened expression registering on her face. He grasped her upper 
arms lightly and slowly pushed her against the wall.

"Andy," she meant to speak firmly but his name came out a whisper. A 
seductive one, she realized as his eyes grew dark with desire. His 
expression made her heart pound. His hands were sliding lightly up and 
down her arms. Breathing hard, she lowered her eyes to try to regain 
control. He stepped closer to her, lightly pinning her body to the 
wall with his own. She put her hands on his chest, about to push him 
away, when she felt him kiss her hair. Her eyes closed. His lips moved 
slowly from her hair to her face.

"Andy," she whispered again. His lips played lightly over her cheeks 
stopping at the corner of her mouth.  He pulled back and looked at 
her. 

"I want to kiss you," he whispered. Scully realized she was nodding 
when he slowly leaned in. When his lips finally touched hers, she felt 
panic rush through her. After so long, she was still so unsure of how 
this made her feel. She knew he could tell how tense she was, but 
rather than pulling away he drew  her against him and deepened the 
kiss. Scully wanted to stop him, believed she could, but somehow 
didn't. Guilt for making him wait so long? Confusion about why she 
only felt panic rather than desire now that this was happening? A wish 
to be made to feel something else? She didn't know, but she also 
didn't stop him. Instead she found herself kissing him back. He walked 
backwards and pulled her with him to the couch.

His lips finally left hers, but he still didn't release her. He 
trailed kisses down her neck, his hands moving to the front of her 
dress as he leaned forward, making her lean back against the arm of 
the couch. 'This is too much,' her mind screamed as the full weight of 
his body pressed against her. She moved her hands to his arms to push 
him away. His fingers grazed her nipples softly, sending a wave of 
pleasure through her. She froze. His kisses moved lower until she 
could feel his lips on her breasts through the thin fabric of her 
dress. A moan involuntarily escaped her lips and she felt him slowly 
unzipping her dress while kissing the skin revealed by its low cut. 
Again her rational mind protested, but when he'd unzipped the dress 
enough to slide the straps off her shoulders, he stopped. And the 
sensation caused by his lips on her nipples stopped all rational 
thought on her part. 

When the telephone rang both Scully and Ryan nearly jumped off the 
couch.

She looked at him for the first time since this had begun. She saw raw 
desire in his eyes. Again, a wave of pleasure rushed through her. "I 
don't have to answer that," she heard herself say softly. And she was 
in his arms again. He returned to kissing her. The answering machine 
came on and her voice on the recorded message sounded so distant as 
Ryan's hands moved slowly to finish unzipping her dress. He was 
pushing it over her hips when Mulder's voice on the machine made her 
eyes fly open.

"Scully pick it up if you're there."

Ryan moved away. "Answer it," he said quietly. He looked sad, 
frustrated, a myriad of emotions. In the pause as Mulder waited, 
Scully replied, her voice barely audible, "He will leave a message." 
She reached for Ryan and he pulled her against him. She felt the 
buttons of his shirt pressing into her breasts as he held her tightly 
and kissed her again. She moved with trembling hands to unbutton his 
shirt. She was on the second button when Mulder got tired of waiting.

"Ok, I guess you're not there. If you get this soon, aahhh it's about 
1:35, I'm going out to 1475 Millwood Lane. I ran those addresses we 
were talking about earlier and this is the most likely one. Meet me 
there."

Scully pulled away. Ryan didn't resist.

"I can't ignore that."

"You can't blow that off." They both said at once. "Does he often run 
off even though he can't get 
back-up?" Ryan commented, re-buttoning his shirt.

"Yes," she replied, reaching for the phone and dialing his cell phone. 
"And he'll go right into the house and get himself killed. He thinks 
he's immortal."

"Really?" asked Ryan, incredulously. Anything was possible with 
Mulder, he was learning.

"No, he actually really thinks I'm immortal," she paused at his 
stunned expression. "Remind me to tell you about the Clyde Bruckman 
case sometime. He just acts like he's immortal." She slammed down the 
phone. "Damn it, he's not answering. He's probably already at that 
damn house and he went in. I've got to get out there." She hung up the 
phone and Ryan watched her dash to her bedroom for jeans and a shirt. 
Returning to the livingroom, she holstered her gun with one hand as 
she buttoned her blouse with the other.

"I'm coming with you." At her stern look he added, "Who's your back up 
if Mulder is already injured?"

"Sure, fine, whatever. Just get moving."

Sure enough, Mulder's empty car was parked outside 1475 Millwood when 
they got there. Scully saw movement on the side of the house. Drawing 
her gun, she approached. Mulder found himself staring at Scully and 
Ryan's guns.

"Jesus, Mulder!" she exclaimed, lowering her gun. "Well, at least we 
caught up with you."

"Didn't take long. The house is locked up...doors, windows, 
everything. And all the windows are covered with black paper. If this 
isn't the house we're looking for, it isn't the Brady Bunch household 
either. I say we go in."

"Covered windows aren't probable cause, Mulder." Ryan said this. 
Mulder looked at Scully, his expression demanding an explanation.

"My back up in case you were already dead," she spat the word, "from 
this crazy stunt. And he's right."

"You called him?!" Mulder asked, incredulously.

"No, he was with me when I heard your message. Don't try to change the 
subject. He's right. We have no probable cause."

"How about this?" Mulder produced a small bloody bowl in an evidence 
bag. "Found it in the trash by the side of the house."

"And what was your probable cause to be going through their trash? 
This is evidence Mulder but what you're doing is illegal search and 
seizure. It will never be admissible." Ryan again. Mulder frowned at 
him. His response was interrupted by a crash from inside the house 
followed by a low moan. Mulder looked at Scully and gestured at the 
back door. Ryan followed hesitantly. "You can't do this," he whispered 
to Scully.

"I've done a lot worse. I'm not willing to take a chance that there's 
another victim in there. And I'm definitely not letting Mulder go in 
alone. Stay out here if you want." She nodded to Mulder and yelled, 
"FBI and we're armed. Open the door or we're coming in." Mulder 
immediately kicked in the door and Scully proceeded him in, gun drawn.

The house was dark, but it did not hide the horrific scene inside. 
There was a woman, white as a sheet, naked, hanging upside down by her 
shackled ankles from a hook on the ceiling. Her hands fell towards the 
floor, blood dripping down one from her inner arm, to a bowl on the 
floor. She was either unconscious or dead. Next to her was a table 
with several bowls like the one Mulder had found. All full of blood. 
Scully lowered her gun and approached the woman. Feeling her neck she 
announced, "Alive, barely. Weak, unsteady pulse. Her skin is so..." 
Scully pulled out a glove and quickly examined the woman. "I'm 
guessing all this blood is hers, "she gestured at the table. She 
picked up one of the bowls. "It looks fresh." She inserted her gloved 
finger into the bowl. Ryan flinched, the first reaction he had made. 
"It's cold Mulder. It should be coagulating. I don't understand 
this...."

Her thought was interrupted by an inhuman scream. Raising her gun, she 
moved away from the table and back against the wall as a huge form 
charged the room. Mulder and Ryan split to either side, guns also 
raised. Scully had a clear shot and didn't hesitate to take it. She 
hit the man in the shoulder. No effect. She shifted her angle slightly 
and fired again--six more shots directly to his chest in rapid 
succession. No effect! He was still slowly advancing toward her. She 
changed her angle again and shot the man in the head with her 
remaining shots. When he continued to advance she lowered her gun and 
stared at him. He lunged for her. Smacking the gun from her hand with 
one blow, he sent her flying to the ground with another across her 
face. She turned over to get a better position to face an attack, but 
Ryan and Mulder had grabbed his arms. She watched him swat them away 
as of they were flies, hurling them against the walls, stunning them 
both. He drew a knife and approached Scully again. Closing on her, he 
slashed at her. She dodged back and before he could make another 
attack, Mulder was on him again. He shrugged Mulder off and slashed at 
him. Scully heard Mulder yelp in pain. Again, the man approached 
Scully slowly, brandishing the knife. She backed away. Ryan was 
struggling to stand, Mulder was cradling his arm against his stomach, 
writhing in pain. Scully studied the room. Suddenly, she lunged for 
the table. She knocked it over, spilling the blood filled bowls. The 
man howled. Grabbing one before it fell she threw it at him. Blood 
splattered across him and again he shrieked, this time in pain. He 
lunged forward, fell short of Scully, and collapsed face first on the 
floor.

Ryan, finally recovered from the slam against the wall, was helping 
her up. "Mulder," she whispered and stumbled to his side, still 
reeling slightly herself. Mulder was still on the floor, cradling his 
arm. "Call 911, tell them we need an ambulance for three people. Gun 
and knife wounds. Bring lots of plasma," Scully began barking orders 
as she rolled Mulder over and forced his arm from his side. "Let me 
look at it, Mulder," she said in a soothing voice. His shirt was 
covered in blood. Scully looked at the knife wound--a clean, 
apparently shallow cut the length of his arm. "Move your fingers for 
me, Mulder." He did. She pulled his shirt off him, intending to use it 
on his arm. Then she saw the real damage. A two-inch wide cut in his 
upper abdomen, bleeding hard. "Shit," she said out loud.

"Never a good thing when the doctor says that," Mulder breathed 
painfully.

She pushed him down flat on his back. "Are you having trouble 
breathing, Mulder? Can you taste blood in your throat?" He felt her 
feel his pulse as he shook his head in response. "I'm sorry, Mulder. 
This is going to hurt. A lot. Try to be still. Ryan come here and help 
me. Is the ambulance on the way?" Mulder actually screamed when Scully 
pressed hard over his wound. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I'm sorry, but you're 
loosing too much blood..." her voice began to fade.

When Mulder regained consciousness again Scully was still leaning over 
him but was speaking to the EMT's. "If she's still alive, look at her 
first. Mulder is stable."

"What the hell is this?" an unfamiliar voice asked in horror, unable 
to move.

"I'm a doctor," Mulder heard Scully say in a no-nonsense voice. "Most 
of the blood here is hers. Start her on plasma. Then get a blood type 
and get a transfusion going. Do it fast." Mulder heard the EMT's move 
to do what Scully asked. "Keep an eye on her heart and lungs. It's a 
miracle her heart hasn't failed." Mulder heard more people enter the 
room. "You two come here. He's lost a lot of blood too. Do you have A 
positive with you?" The EMT must have nodded. "Ok, let's start getting 
some blood back into him. Give me some gauze. Do you have a non-
morphine-based painkiller? He doesn't do well on morphine" 

"How the hell do you know so much about this guy?" the EMT asked as he 
handed Scully gauze and a vial.

"He's my partner but I'm also his doctor." The EMT looked confused. 
"We're FBI," Scully explained. Mulder listened in a daze as Scully 
directed the EMT's. Finally he felt them lifting him onto a stretcher.

"I'm going with you," Scully said, following the EMT's.

"Yes, ma'am you should. You really should let us have a look at you."

"I'm fine," he heard her reply. Mulder couldn't help but laugh at the 
reply. Laughing hurt. He quit laughing at the EMT's response.

"Dr...Scully, was it? Are you aware you are cut as well? How much of 
the blood on your shirt is your own? You're unsteady on your feet, 
you're skin is cold, it's obvious that you're having trouble focusing. 
Blood loss, mild concussion. Don't prove to me that doctors make the 
worst patients. Your friend is fine. Let us have a look at you."

"Let him, Dana," Mulder heard Ryan say, "Mulder is fine. Let's make 
sure you are." Mulder relaxed. He was certain Ryan would make sure she 
got any treatment she needed.

****
Mulder awoke in a hospital bed. Scully, alone, was sitting in a chair 
next to the bed. Her face was badly bruised. She was wearing scrubs 
with a bandage over her upper chest.

Scully noticed the direction of his gaze. "It's a shallow cut, Mulder, 
but it needed stitches. Mild concussion. I'm fine. A lot better than 
you. You need to go back to sleep for a while longer." Mulder tried to 
ask what happened and winced at the pain in his gut. She recognized 
the question anyway. "The cut on your arm is superficial. You have 
stitches but no nerve or tendon damage. He knifed you in the upper 
abdomen too. Not deep enough to damage any organs. You are very lucky. 
A little deeper and you'd have liver damage, a little higher, a 
punctured lung. But it's going to hurt a lot for a while. You're going 
to be in the hospital until they release me and then I'll get you 
released. You're not going to be able to do much for yourself and I 
want to make sure I can take care of you before I talk my way out of 
here." He nodded and drifted back to sleep.

When he awoke again, Scully was still there. "How are you doing?" she 
whispered.

"Ok," he managed, but grimaced again.

"I ordered you more pain medication. The nurse will be back with it in 
a minute or two."

"I don't want it," he whispered. Whispering hurt a lot less.

"Yes you do. It won't make you too sleepy. I've talked the doctor into 
releasing you this afternoon. They released me this morning." Mulder 
looked confused. "It's Monday. You've been in and out. It's the 
medicine. I wanted you on something stronger so you'd rest and not 
fight me. The stuff they're bringing now won't knock you out. We'll 
let it make you a little more comfortable and then we'll try to get 
you into a car, ok?" He nodded. "I'm doing this Mulder because I know 
you'll heal better at home. But you have to promise me you'll do what 
I say and take the medicine I give you. If you won't, I swear I'll 
leave you here for a week."

"I promise," he whispered with a frightened expression.

"I know how much you hate hospitals," she said smoothing his hair. 
"But this injury is going to put you down for a while. Less time if 
you do what I say." She kept talking but Mulder didn't hear her. It 
had been so long since she'd touched him. He was luxuriating in the 
feel of her hands on his temples as she smoothed his hair. 

Later that afternoon Mulder awakened again. Most of the more powerful 
drugs were obviously out of his system. He hurt, as she had predicted, 
but his head felt much clearer. It was worth the pain. 

"How do you feel?" 

Mulder opened his eyes and saw Scully, Ryan, and Skinner there. He 
smiled. "How did you know I was awake?" he whispered, smiling at her.

"My psychic powers, Mulder. If we can get you out of the bed, we can 
take you home. You're not going to like this. Would you rather do it 
or stay in the hospital?"

"I'll do anything to get out of here. You know that." Skinner and Ryan 
laughed. Scully scowled. 

"Ok, Mulder. Do exactly what I say and this will hurt less. Ryan and 
Skinner are here to help me lift you. You aren't going to do anything 
but lie there. Get it?" He nodded. Somehow they got him loaded into 
Ryan's car and they drove him home. By the time they got him in bed, 
Skinner was looking concerned.

"Scully, you can't lift him by yourself. He's over twice your size. 
How are you going to do this?"

"I've done it before. We have some friends that will come over and 
help too. I'll be fine. He will do a lot better at home or else I 
wouldn't even try this."

"How many days do you and he want off?"

"He needs at least two weeks at home. Ideally three or four but I'm 
not stupid enough to think he'll do that. He shouldn't be in the field 
for six to eight weeks. Don't tell him that was my recommendation. 
I'll be in tomorrow."

"How do you plan to pull that off? You can't leave Mulder and as I 
recall you have a concussion."

"Our friend is coming over tomorrow to watch Mulder and all I have to 
do is type up a report. I'll be fine."

Skinner shook his head and picked up his coat to leave. "You two make 
the perfect team. You're both crazy and reckless," Skinner muttered.

"Sir?" Scully asked, her look daring him to repeat his statement.

He was exasperated, "I said you're crazy. You and Mulder. I'll look 
for your report in the afternoon then. Make an appointment with 
Kimberly to go over it with me. I'm sure I'll have plenty of 
questions." He stalked out, leaving Ryan and Scully.

"Dana, if you want me to stay...?"

"I'll be fine. I've done this more times than I can count. I need some 
rest myself, honestly. Thanks for the help Andy but I'm going to check 
on Mulder and take a nap."

Ryan took the hint. "Ok, you know my number if you need help."

"Thanks Andy."

"Sure." He hesitated a moment and then leaned over her, placing a 
brief kiss on her lips. "I'm very glad everything turned out as well 
as it did," he whispered, still leaning over her. 

Scully struggled not to react inappropriately. Mulder's apartment was 
not someplace Scully wanted to be kissing Andy. She backed up 
slightly. "Me too," she said. "I'd better check on Mulder," she added 
when Ryan didn't move.

"Ok, see you soon." He left.

****

Scully awoke with a start the next morning when she heard a crash and 
cursing from Mulder's bedroom. Dizzily she rushed for the door. When 
she entered the bedroom, she couldn't believe what she saw--Mulder, 
leaning heavily on the footboard of the bed, but standing.

"Back in the bed," she yelled reflexively.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Mulder responded testily.

Scully set her jaw and Mulder knew he was in trouble. "You'll have a 
catheter if you try this stunt again. I don't see how you got up..."

"It hurt."

"...but you can really injure yourself this way, Mulder. The deal is 
you do what I say. Remember?"

"Yes, doctor. But as long as I'm up..."

"Let me help you."

"I think I remember how to pee, Scully."

"Really, well do you remember what a concussion or a skull fracture 
feels like? That's what you'll have if you fall down in that bathroom. 
Let. me. help. you."

Mulder and Scully made to and from the bathroom with out further 
argument. After she helped him lie back down, instead of pulling up 
the blanket on the bed, she pulled up his shirt.

"Scully I hurt too much for you to make a pass at me," he quipped.

Removing the bandage, she began to inspect his injury. "It doesn't 
look like you opened it up. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"It's pretty bad," he admitted. Scully looked concerned. It must be 
excruciating if Mulder was admitting it hurt. 

"I have two Demerol injections. I'm going to give you one of them now. 
I would have liked for you to eat something, but I don't want you 
suffering either."

"I'd rather eat," Mulder whispered. He breathing was ragged. He was 
obviously in a lot of pain.

"Fine, I'll bring you something to eat and a pain pill. It will help 
some. Frohike will be here in a few minutes and I'm going to work. 
Looks like you got out of writing another report. Just remember this 
pain the next time you want to try to get up by yourself. I'm here to 
help you Mulder." Scully disappeared into the kitchen. Mulder heard a 
knock at the door and was disappointed when it was Frohike who brought 
him breakfast.

****

Scully locked herself in the office and wrote the report. She called 
Mulder's apartment regularly to check on Mulder and Frohike. Each 
time, Mulder was asleep and Scully heard strange noises coming from 
the TV. She didn't want to know. She heard a knock on the door at 
lunchtime. She knew it would be Ryan but she ignored it. She was tired 
and wanted to concentrate on the report. Around three she called and 
Mulder was awake. Asking to speak to him, she read him the report. 
They argued over how the assailant actually died, and Scully promised 
to delete that part until after her autopsy. Then she called Ryan.

"It's me," she began. "Do you want to go with me? I'm about to give my 
report to Skinner. I wouldn't mind some back up, especially regarding 
why the suspect had several bullets from my gun in his chest and, 
worse still, his head."

"Yeah, I'll go. Are you leaving now?"

"Yes, my appointment is at 3:30."

"I'll see you there."

In Skinner's office, Ryan was getting a taste of what Mulder, Scully, 
and Skinner's lives were like. "So you're saying you shot him in the 
shoulder, chest, and head and it didn't faze him but then you threw a 
bowl at him and he dropped dead?" Skinner asked levelly.

Scully raised her eyebrows and nodded. Ryan opened his mouth to defend 
her, but Scully spoke first. "I obviously haven't begun the autopsy 
yet, but I did look at the suspect at the scene. Interesting thing was 
that he didn't bleed from any of the gunshot wounds. Not a drop of 
blood on his cloths."

Skinner looked at her over his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Sighing, 
he began, "Here I was thinking how nice it would be to sit here and 
listen to a report written just by Scully. Nice and normal. By the 
book, I thought. Now I suppose you are going to draw some connection 
between the blood he drained from his victims and his 'bloodless 
body,'" Skinner said this last phrase with a Halloween-like inflection 
in his tone of voice.

"Until I've done the autopsy, sir, I can't propose any theories."

"Well thank God for small miracles. When are you scheduled to do it?"

"Tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow then," he rose and moved to file her report. Scully 
and Ryan started to leave the office. "Scully, how's Mulder?" Skinner 
asked.

"In a lot of pain, but otherwise being typically himself. He's already 
been up strolling around the apartment against orders. I threatened a 
catheter and I think I won that round."

Skinner laughed, "I've got a couple extra sets of handcuffs I could 
lone you."

"Good idea, sir. I didn't think of that." They both laughed and Scully 
and Ryan left the office.

Waiting for the elevator, Ryan cornered her, "How are you?" he 
demanded in a tone of voice that set Scully's nerves on edge.

"I'm fine, Andy. One thing you'll learn about me very quickly is that 
I hate to be babied."

"I'm not babying you. I'm concerned. I'm sure Mulder and Walter are 
too. When do you get to rest and recover? Don't repeat 'I'm fine' to 
me either. A concussion is not fine. Thirty stitches and a couple 
pints of blood aren't fine either. You need rest as much as Mulder. 
And you're doing the autopsy tomorrow? How would Mulder react if he 
was in any condition to react?"

Scully's expression softened. "He'd react the same way you are. I 
promise to get some rest tonight. Tomorrow I'm doing the autopsy and 
that's all. It's the best I can offer myself right now Andy."

"Let me stay with Mulder tonight and you go home. Get some real rest."

"Mulder would never go for it. He can't stand people when he's 
hurting. He barely tolerates me. I'll be fine."

****

Scully arrived at Mulder's apartment completely exhausted and wishing 
she had taken Ryan up on his offer no matter how uncomfortable Mulder 
would have been. But Mulder needed more than a guard to keep him from 
hurting himself. He needed medical attention to observe for infection, 
renewed internal bleeding and a myriad of other complications. Outside 
a hospital, only Scully could provide that. When Scully was unlocking 
Mulder's door, she heard Frohike yelling at Mulder. "If she comes home 
and sees this, she'll kill us both. Get back in the damn bed you 
moron. "

"I've been in the bed all day," Mulder grunted. "I just want..."

"I don't care what you want! Get in the bed!" Scully yelled this with 
a level of fury in her voice Mulder had never heard. She pushed him 
roughly back to the bed and Mulder fell down hard, moaning as he did. 
Before he knew what happened, he felt handcuffs around his wrist.

"What in the hell?" he stammered, trying to catch his breath in the 
pain.

"Skinner's idea. I decided I liked it. This is strike two, Mulder. On 
strike three I call an ambulance and you go back to the hospital. I 
don't need this. I'm your partner, not your mother, not your wife, not 
your goddamn nursemaid. This is a favor to you. I should be in bed 
myself, but I'm here fighting with you. You start doing this my way or 
I'm through. Got it!?" He nodded weakly, face contorted with pain. 
"When did he take the last pill?"

"An hour ago," supplied Frohike timidly.

"Well I guess you're shit out of luck Mulder because you can't have 
another one for three more hours and I can't give you the Demerol with 
that in your system. So you'll just have to deal with the pain. Try 
deep breaths. Frohike, come here."

She dragged him from the room. "How many times did he do crap like 
that today?" she demanded without preamble.

"Just this once."

"Is that the truth?"

"Jesus, Scully. I'm afraid to lie to you."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. He can really hurt 
himself this way. Not to mention I could loose my medical license for 
this stupid stunt. He shouldn't be out of the hospital. You'd better 
take off. Are you coming tomorrow?"

"Byers is in the morning. I'll come around noon."

"Whatever, I'd better go try and help Mulder. See you tomorrow." She 
went back to the bedroom. Mulder's breaths were short and shallow. If 
he kept that up he'd really regret the case of hiccups it would give 
him. His eyes were closed tight against the pain and there was a tear 
on his temple. Seeing it, Scully began to cry herself.

"Mulder, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry." She 
pushed up his shirt. Not bleeding. "Thank God," she whispered. 
"Mulder," she put her hands on either side of his face, "look at me." 
He opened his eyes. Scully saw the pain in them. "Take deep breaths, 
Mulder."

"Hurts," he managed.

"I know, I know. But if you don't you'll hyperventilate and that will 
hurt more. If you do, it will help the pain go away faster. Trust me. 
Nice deep breaths. Nice and slow. That's good." She stroked his face 
and talked to him soothingly until he calmed down a little.

"Have you eaten anything? Do you want something to eat?"

"Scully, I'd rather you shoot me than sit me up to eat right now."

"Ok, I'm sorry, Mulder. Let me go look at the dosage on those pills. 
You might be able to take another right now if they're not too 
strong."

"That would be heaven, Scully." She nodded and left the room.

She came back frowning at the bottle. "How bad is it?" she asked, 
obviously concerned.

"Really bad." Tears came to her eyes again.

"It's too strong for you to take another. Let me cut it in half. 
That's not a perfect solution, but it's better than the alternatives." 
She returned quickly with half a pill. Holding his head up slightly, 
she helped him swallow the pill.

"Scully?" he whispered after a few seconds.

"Yes?"

"I swear I won't move but it really hurts to have my arm above my head 
like that. Please get rid of the handcuffs." She instantly unlocked 
them. He nodded his thanks, eyes still closed. He didn't open them 
again for over an hour. When he did, Scully was still there. Focusing 
on her, rather than the pain, he realized she was stroking his hand, 
which she held in her lap as she sat on his bed.

"Any better?" she whispered. He nodded, afraid to upset the balance by 
speaking. "I can't tell you how sorry I am for pushing you Mulder. I 
could have caused the very injury I'm so worried about preventing. It 
was extremely unprofessional at best. I'm very sorry."

"Well," he ventured to whisper. "You accomplished your goal. I won't 
get up again. I promise."

"Are you angry at me?"

"Anger would take effort and effort would hurt, Scully. I just don't 
want to hurt like that again. That was pretty incredible."

She felt her heart break. She didn't want to cry in front of him. "I'm 
going to make you something to eat," she said starting to stand up. He 
stopped her by holding on to her hand.

"No way am I going to sit up to eat it."

"Mulder, you need to eat."

"It will wait then."

"Ok." She sat back down on the bed silently. 

When he opened his eyes again, Scully was still on the bed but she was 
barely keeping her head up. 

"What time is it?" he whispered. 

She opened her eyes with a start but he could see the exhaustion in 
them. "About eight. In half an hour I'll give you another pill. You 
should eat something with it, even if it's just a glass of milk. Soup 
would be better. I could put it in a cup and you could just lift your 
head a little and drink it."

"I'll try it."

"Ok, I'll go make it." She got up. He realized he was still holding 
her hand. He let it go and she left the room. Her could hear rumbling 
around in the kitchen. A few minutes later she reappeared with a small 
cup. 

"We'll start with just a little. We definitely don't want to make you 
sick." He shook his head. "Ok, Mulder. I'm just going to prop you up a 
little. Let me lift you, don't try to help me, and you won't feel a 
thing. Ready?" He nodded but she saw his anxious expression. She 
cupped his face in her hands gently. "Mulder, I swear, I won't do 
anything that might hurt you. Even the tiniest bit. I promise. Try to 
relax. You'll hurt yourself if you're tense." He nodded and in a swift 
motion she lifted his head with her hand behind his neck, shoved a 
pillow under him, and let him down slowly. "Are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"Ok, let's try a little soup." When he had eaten the entire cup, she 
handed him the pill. "If you take it with milk it would be better. The 
more in your stomach, the faster the medicine gets into your system." 
He swallowed it silently. She took the cups back into the kitchen and 
returned to his bedroom. "Do you want me to take the pillow away? 
Would that be more comfortable?" He shook his head. "Ok Mulder, if you 
change your mind, just tell me." He patted the bed next to him. She 
came closer. "What do you want?" He took her hand and pulled her 
weakly toward the bed again. She sat down and he closed his eyes and 
quickly felt himself slipping into sleep.

"Mulder," he heard her whisper while stroking his cheek. Groggily, he 
opened his eyes. "It's midnight. You can have another pill if you want 
it." He nodded. Scully stood to get the pill and stumbled against the 
doorframe as she left the room. 

"Are you ok?" he whispered when she returned with the pill.

"I'm fine. Will you take it with milk again?"

"Why did you fall against the door frame?" He swallowed the pill.

"I tripped. I'm fine. Close your eyes and go back to sleep. You need 
the rest."

"Did you eat any dinner tonight?"

"I've been in here with you Mulder. Now go to sleep."

"For God's sake get something to eat before you pass out."

"Ok, Mulder.  Do you want me to wake you up at four so you can have 
your next pill or would you rather have it when ever you wake up?"

"I'll take it when I wake up."

She nodded and left the bedroom.

****

The next morning when Byers knocked on the door, Scully was still 
sound asleep on the couch. She quickly checked on Mulder and went to 
work. She was scheduled to do her autopsy at nine and showed up almost 
an hour late. By the time it was finished, Scully was dead on her 
feet. Ryan found her with her head on the desk in Mulder's office.

"Dana, you need to go home," he said after standing in the doorway 
unnoticed for several minutes.

She straightened up. "I'm fine. I was just up late last night to make 
sure Mulder got all his pills."

"Dana, you are recovering too. You need some rest. I'm taking you 
home. Don't argue."

 She stood up and got her coat. "I'm not going to argue."

Scully let Ryan take her home. She even let him fix her dinner. By the 
time she finished it, she was falling asleep at the table. 

"Come on, Dana. You're going to get some sleep."

"I need to get to Mulder's."

"Your friend is going to be there until six, right? That gives you 
three hours sleep. You need it. Come on." He pulled her back to her 
bedroom. She practically fell asleep before her head hit the pillow. 
At five, Ryan called Mulder's apartment and explained to Frohike that 
Scully was asleep. He confirmed Mulder was doing well and that Frohike 
could stay. He then decided to let Scully sleep. He knew he'd be 
facing a storm when she awoke, and he was correct.

He was watching television in the living room when he heard her. 
"Shit!" Half-dressed she rushed into the living room. "Do you know 
what time it is?!" 

He nodded, "And I assume from your tone you do too. Calm down. I 
called your friend. Mulder is fine. You needed the rest if you were 
going to be any good to him."

"Ryan! I'm not staying over there to read bedtime stories to him. He 
needs medical attention. Constantly. Frohike wouldn't recognize an 
infection if it bit him in the ass. I need...."

"Don't stand there and yell at me then. Get dressed and I'll drive you 
over there. But don't be mad at me. I'm doing for you what you're 
doing for Mulder. I'm making you take care of yourself. By the way, 
the guards in the Hoover Building have been instructed to not admit 
you for the rest of the week and your security badge has been 
restricted. Skinner wants you to get some rest."

"You son of a bitch. You have no right...."

"I don't care how angry you are. Now you're wasting time. Get 
dressed." She stared at him furiously and stormed back to her bedroom. 
Ryan was surprised she didn't stomp her feet. When he dropped her off 
at Mulder's apartment, she got out of the car, slammed the door, and 
marched upstairs without a word to him.

Mulder heard the door open and perked up. "Scully," he called weakly, 
"is that you?"

"Yes Mulder," she said hurrying into the bedroom while still shedding 
her coat. "Are you ok? How's he doing?" She directed herself to 
Frohike.

"He's ok. Stir crazy." Frohike gave her a run down on Mulder's day 
while she took his temperature and checked his wound. 

"Are you still in a lot of pain today?" she asked Mulder, brushing his 
hair from his face.

"Just Frohike, the pain in my ass. I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm sorry. I took a nap and slept longer than I intended. What did 
you eat today? Are you hungry?" Scully got Frohike out the door and 
herself and Mulder settled. 

"You seemed upset when you came in," Mulder said.

"I was. I intended to come at five but I let Ryan talk me into going 
home for dinner and a nap. He promised to wake me up but let me sleep 
instead. I'm pretty damn mad. You need medical care. You shouldn't 
really be out of the hospital. But worse than that, he got Skinner to 
bar me from the building for the rest of the week. Son of a 
bitch...."she repeated.

Mulder shook his head. "He's a brave man. That occurred to me several 
times when you were being stubborn about injuries but I never had the 
guts to do it."

"You wouldn't dare...?" she sputtered, shocked.

"No I wouldn't, but he did the right thing..."

"I wouldn't even go there, Mulder..." she warned.

"You are exhausted because you're still recovering. It's affecting 
your judgement." She began to protest but he interrupted her. "If your 
judgement is sound than it's a good thing you work on dead people. 
It'll spare a lot of patients a lot of pain."

Scully felt tears come to her eyes. "Mulder, I told you how sorry I 
was that I pushed you..."

"Yes you did, but it didn't stop the pain. 'This above all else--do no 
harm.' Remember that oath, Scully?"

Scully closed her eyes and turned her back to him. It was a full 
minute before she trusted herself to say anything. "I'll get you some 
dinner, Mulder. You need to take your antibiotic and you can have 
another pain pill if you want it."

"Scully...."

"I'll be back in a few minutes." She fled the room. 

He heard her go to the kitchen and then heard nothing. After enduring 
silence for as long as he could bear, he struggled out of the bed. 
Walking slowly and carefully to the kitchen he was stunned by what he 
saw--Scully leaning on the kitchen counter, hand clamped over her 
mouth, crying silently.

"Scully!" he breathed.

She turned shocked. Her brow furrowed instantly. "Are we going to do 
this again? Back in bed, Mulder! Now!"

Instead he walked slowly over to her and put his arms around her.

"Mulder, go to bed," she said firmly but in a quiet tone of voice. She 
made no move to escape his embrace. It had been months since he had 
held her. She was amazed how much she missed the feeling of his arms 
around her. She found herself gently putting her arms around his 
waist, leaning her face against his chest. 

"I'm sorry, Scully. I shouldn't have said that. I know you feel badly 
enough."

"You're right to be angry, Mulder. I could have killed you pushing you 
that way. If the wound had opened again...."

"You would have called an ambulance. It's not a life threatening 
injury, Scully. You're tired. We're going to order some dinner, eat 
it, and go to sleep."

"You are my best friend. I can't believe I...."

"Shhh," he put his finger over her lips. "Stop, Scully. I'm sorry 
quoted the Hippocratic oath at you. It was cruel and it was wrong."

"No worse than...."

"Shhh. No more. No more beating yourself up." He held her in his arms, 
stroking her hair until she stopped crying. When she did, he stepped 
back and cradled her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. He 
intended to ask her if she was feeling better, but looking at her in 
his arms something snapped in him. He leaned down, despite the pain, 
and kissed her. Unlike the kiss on New Year's, this kiss was 
passionate, desperate, and seemed to last forever. When they 
separated, Scully stared at him with wide eyes. Mulder slowly realized 
all the implications of what he had done.

"Jesus, Scully! I don't know what...I am so sorry."

She lowered her eyes. "You need to get back to bed, Mulder." Her voice 
sounded extremely tired.

He was motionless, as if rooted to the spot, "Scully, if you want to 
leave...."

"I'm not leaving, Mulder. Let's get you back in bed before your injury 
really starts to hurt."

She led him to the bedroom and helped him into the bed. "Do you want 
pizza or Chinese?"

"Scully, we need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it's true. Nothing happened."

"Nothing happened?!" She didn't respond. She didn't look at him 
either. "You look me in the eye and tell me nothing happened. That you 
felt nothing. Then I'll agree with you that nothing happened."

"I'll tell you what, Mulder. I'll call Andy over here, and we'll all 
discuss it together." He stared at her. "Nothing happened," she 
repeated.

He was silent for a moment. "If you loved him, this wouldn't have 
happened."

"How dare you say that to me?" She said very softly. "You know nothing 
about my relationship with him."
 After a moment she said, "If I betray him this way, I'm betraying you 
and myself as well." She looked at him. "Could you ask me to betray 
someone that way? Could you live with it if you did? If we did?"

"No," he whispered.

"Nothing happened then."

She turned and left the room. He heard her order Chinese and heard her 
answer the door when it was delivered. She came back with plates, 
silverware, and boxes of food. "Ok, let's get you propped up a little 
or you'll choke to death." Mulder watched her eat, get him his 
medicine, and perform all the rest of the evening's activities as if 
nothing had happened.

continued

Title: Exploring Desires Part III
Author: Katherine Benton

MULDER'S APARTMENT
ALEXANDRIA

The next morning Scully awoke to a knock on the door. 'Damn, I forgot 
to tell Frohike not to bother to come over,' she said to herself and 
she stumbled to the door. When she opened it, she saw Frohike and 
Ryan. "What in the hell is this?" she demanded, immediately 
suspicious.

"I'm here to look after Mulder," Frohike said, letting himself in.

"And I'm here to look after you," her expression was instantly furious 
but he didn't let her speak. "You can be as angry as you want. You can 
never speak to me again. All that's fine. But I won't let you make 
yourself sick over this. Mulder can safely go four hours between 
checks. I called the hospital and asked. So go in  and check him and 
then I'm taking you back to your apartment, you're taking a shower 
while I fix you breakfast, and then you're getting some sleep. I'll 
bring you back at noon."

"You are not my father. You can't give me..."

"And you are in no condition to argue. You can't effectively resist. I 
will drag you if I have to. You can spend four hours cuffed to your 
bed or asleep in it. Your choice."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me. I'm every bit as stubborn and self-righteous about this as 
you are about Mulder."

Scully walked back to the bedroom to check on Mulder. Ryan followed. 
When Mulder saw him, he looked away quickly. Ryan assumed he was 
embarrassed by his presence. When Scully was finished, she sat down on 
the chair in the room and told Frohike to leave. 

"Afraid not," Ryan intervened but Scully interrupted him.

"If you try to carry out this crazy plan in front of Mulder, a lot of 
people stand to get hurt."

Ryan's expression hardened. "I doubt it. He cares about you every bit 
as much as I do. Mulder, I'm taking Scully home, forcibly if 
necessary. She is recovering from a concussion and significant blood 
loss and she needs some rest. Surely you must understand my concern."

Mulder considered him a minute. "I do. But I hope you know she'll 
never forgive you for this. Control is a big issue for Scully."

"I know." Scully looked from Mulder to Ryan in wide-eyed amazement. 
Ryan turned his attention back to Scully, "I'm warning you, Dana. Get 
up and go to the car or I will drag you out." 

She looked at him defiantly. "You lay one hand on me, it will be the 
last thing you do." Scully's eyes blazed furiously.

"For God's sake, Scully. You won't let me out of the bed and you won't 
go spend fours hours sleeping in one yourself," Mulder yelled in a 
still weak voice. "Don't be childish. Just go with him or I'll help 
him drag you out myself."

Without a word, Scully walked from the room. Ryan mouthed a thank you 
to Mulder and followed her. She walked straight to his car, got in 
without waiting for him to open the door for her, and folded her hands 
across her lap. They drove to her apartment in silence. When they 
arrived, she angrily realized she left her keys at Mulder's apartment 
in her purse.

"I forgot my keys, we have to go back..." she began, but Ryan produced 
her purse from under his coat.

"Good try," he said, handing it to her.

She frowned. "You give me too much credit. It wasn't intentional, it 
was forgetfulness."

"That's why you need some rest," he said under his breath. She turned 
to glare at him. "Take a shower and get in bed. I'll make you some 
breakfast and bring it to you there."

"You can leave. I'll make my own breakfast..."

"And head right back over to Mulder's. No way. Just go take a shower."

"Mulder was right. I'm not good at taking orders."

"Too bad," he said walking into the kitchen. "If I don't hear water in 
30 seconds, I'll come throw you in the shower myself."

"Andy!"

He turned around as angry as she looked, "Dana, I have nothing to 
loose here. I'm not stupid. I know I've already pushed this past the 
point you'll forgive me. So the only thing I can salvage is my goal of 
making sure you recover safely. By God I will do that. Get in the 
shower."

"Nobody tells me..." she didn't get far in her sentence. Ryan turned 
and grabbing her by the wrist hauled her off by brute force to the 
bathroom. Scully automatically moved to defend herself, breaking his 
grasp by twisting her arm from his hand. He picked Scully up bodily, 
pinning her arms to her sides with his arms around her torso, and 
carried her to the bathroom. Flinging open the door, he pushed her 
against the wall, knee in her back. He dragged her arms behind her 
back and cuffed them, He then spun her around and cuffed her to the 
towel rack. Without speaking, he turned on the shower and adjusted the 
water.

"Will you get in or do I have to cuff you to the soap rack?" He 
finally said, looking at her. Her eyes were wild and she was breathing 
too hard to answer. Studying her carefully to determine the danger if 
he uncuffed her, he realized he saw fear in her eyes. "Dana, relax. 
I'm not going to hurt you." She focused on him and he saw the defiant 
expression almost replace the fearful one. "Ok," he said reaching 
behind her and unlocking the handcuffs that fastened her to the towel 
rack, "tell me what's going on here. You know you have no reason to be 
frightened of me." Her hands were still cuffed behind her back with 
the other set of cuffs.

"Andy, take these cuffs off me," she whispered breathlessly.

"What will happen if I do?" He wanted to be sure he wouldn't have to 
wrestle her back to the bathroom again.

"Take them off me and let me out of here!" she shrieked, near tears. 
Ryan was shocked. He expected a fight and anger. She looked near 
panic. 

"Ok, Dana. Come here." He backed out of the bathroom, allowing her to 
follow. When they were in her bedroom, he turned her around and 
unfastened the cuffs. She put her hands over her face. Ryan turned her 
around. "God, Dana. Did I hurt you? What in God's name is going on 
here?" She backed away from him and turned away.

"Please just leave me alone." Her voice was a whisper.

"Talk to me. What is happening here?"

"Leave."

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

"I need for you to give me a little space, Andy. Now!" He backed away, 
leaving her bedroom and going to the living room. She closed her door, 
but he could still hear her crying. After almost half an hour, the 
crying stopped. He quietly knocked on the door to her bedroom. No 
answer. He opened it. She was asleep on the bed, his handcuffs hurled 
to the floor, the bathroom door closed and locked. He sat down in the 
chair in her room and waited for her to wake up. She slept for almost 
four hours and Andy was about to wake her anyway, when he saw she was 
having a nightmare. She struggled against the blanket he had pulled 
over her. 

"Dana," he took her hand. "Dana, wake up. It's just a dream."

She awoke with a start, sitting up abruptly and clutching her head as 
she did, brow furrowed.

"Are you ok?" She looked at Andy. He was sitting on the edge of the 
bed looking extremely concerned. 

"Yes, I sat up a little too fast and my head still can't take that. 
I'm fine." She was rubbing her forehead and temples.

"Will you tell me why you freaked...?"

"I did not freak!"

"Fine, what ever you want to call it. Will you tell me why you reacted 
as you did?"

"You dragged me to the bathroom, you cuffed me to a towel rack, and 
threatened to throw me in the shower. You want to know why I reacted 
badly?"

"You were scared to death. I caught you off guard and I over powered 
you. You might be embarrassed by that, or angry. If you didn't know me 
as well as you do, you might even be frightened. But you were 
terrified. Hysterical. I'm a behavioral psychologist, Dana. That was 
out of character for you. You might feel better if you explain it to 
me. I can probably look through your file again and figure it out from 
your background check if you won't." She was silent. "Were you 
attacked in the past?" he began.

"I work for the FBI, Andy. I'm attacked on a regular basis."

"I mean were you the victim of a crime? Please, I know you're hurting. 
You can't imagine how much I am too, knowing I caused that. I'm 
begging you, talk to me about it."

She closed her eyes. "It was the second year Mulder and I were working 
together. We had a really bad case. The perpetrator, Donny Pfaster, 
was desecrating graves to satisfy a fetish he had with hair. He 
escalated to murders. It really got to me for some reason but I didn't 
want Mulder to see it. He was just starting to trust me. Somehow 
Pfaster saw me. At a crime scene, maybe. I never knew." She was 
breathing heavily again. "He ran me off the road and kidnapped me. He 
was about to kill me when Mulder...." She stopped, unable to continue.

"And somehow this reminded you of that," he prompted after a few 
seconds.

"Like I said, his fetish was hair. He dragged me into a bathroom and 
filled up the tub. He wanted to wash my hair..." now Scully was biting 
her lip not to cry again. 

Ryan put his hand over the tips of her fingers, offering his presence 
if it helped. Careful not to make her feel trapped. "I didn't know, 
Dana. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She broke and began crying again. He 
slowly put his arms around her, afraid to frighten her further. She 
didn't resist. 

"Two months ago, Pfaster escaped from prison and came after me again. 
In there...in my own...I shot him..." she continued crying. After what 
seemed like an eternity, Ryan realized Scully had finally stopped and 
was still breathing heavily with her face against his chest. "I'm so 
sorry," he repeated again, now that she had quieted down. He felt her 
nod against his chest and relax slightly.

"You slept for four hours. Do you want me to drive you to Mulder's?" 
He was surprised when she shook her head. "Are you sure?"

She lifted her head from his chest and sat back. "Mulder will see in a 
second that something is wrong. I really would prefer not to go into 
this with him." Ryan closed his eyes. 

"I am so sorry. I only wanted to...."

"I know. It's not your fault. I should have done what you wanted. You 
were right anyway."

"Dana, I have no right to ask you anything and you are under no 
obligation to do what I ask. I just want to make sure you're all 
right. I had no intention of...."

"It's ok."

"No it's not. It's inexcusable."

"It's ok," she looked at him sadly and caressed his cheek. He captured 
her hand under his. 

"Dana, I'm sorry. I've been really worried about you. That freak hit 
you harder than you're willing to admit and you're wearing yourself 
out with Mulder...I...I love you and it's surprising me how difficult 
it is to watch you do this to yourself."

"Andy!" Scully breathed.

"I don't want to pressure you..."

"You're not," she reached up with her other hand, caressing his face 
and pulling him toward her.

"Dana," he warned. She silenced him with a kiss. His arms went around 
her slender waist and hers around his neck. As she leaned back against 
the headboard she pulled him down with her, on top of her. She kissed 
him hungrily as her hands removed his tie and shirt. She pulled her t-
shirt over her head and he unclasped her bra and pushed it off her 
shoulders. His hands were all over her. As slow as his seduction had 
been last weekend, he was uncontrolled now. His hands moved to her 
thighs and she moaned his name. He pulled her slacks over her hips and 
ankles and threw them to the floor. His hands were again on her 
thighs, brushing the edge of her silk panties. She writhed under him 
and reached for his belt. He stopped her hands, pinning them to the 
bed as he pushed himself up. 

"Dana, this is way too much, way too fast, at the wrong time. We need 
to stop." He was breathing heavily. His body didn't seem to want to 
slow down. She freed her hands and grasped his length through his 
pants. "Jesus, Dana," he threw his head back and collapsed against her 
again when he felt her kissing his neck. He returned her kisses 
greedily.

"I want you. I want this," she whispered.

The sound of her voice sobered him. "And believe me, I want you. When 
you are thinking straight. When you're not exhausted. When you're not 
reacting in fright. I don't even know what you're reacting to here. 
This weekend when I was kissing you, you were scared to death...so 
tense.  Let's just slow this down, so we don't do something we'll both 
regret."

"Andy, I...."

"Shhh, don't say anything and don't do that," he said reaching down 
and dragging her hands above her head and pinning them there.  "Just 
relax," he kissed her gently. She closed her eyes and returned the 
kiss. When he felt her body relax, he slid his hands from her wrists 
to her body and around her waist. He continued to kiss her slowly.

Hours later Ryan awoke with a start at the sound of the phone ringing. 
He sat up trying to get his bearings. He was still in Scully's bed. 
She was lying next to him, still asleep. He dove for the phone before 
it disturbed her.

"Hello?" he whispered fiercely.

"Who is this?" asked the caller. Ryan recognized the voice.

"It's Andy Ryan, Mulder."

"Where is Scully? Why in the hell are you whispering?"

"She's asleep, I didn't want to wake her."

"Got it," said Mulder evenly. Ryan had no doubt that he did get how 
bad this looked. "I wanted to check on her since she didn't come back. 
I'm glad she's ok. Tell her I'll talk to her later."

"Who is it?" Mulder heard Scully's sleepy voice ask. Ryan mouthed 
Mulder's name. "Oh my God, Mulder! How late is it?" He heard her ask. 
"Give me the phone." There was a pause. "Mulder, I fell asleep again. 
Are you ok? Is Frohike still there?"

"I'm fine. I feel much better. Frohike is still here. I was checking 
on you actually. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I obviously got a lot of sleep."

"Did you?" he said under his breath.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, will I see you tomorrow?"

"You'll see me tonight. I'm on my way over." She hung up the phone and 
turned to Ryan. "Were you asleep too or did you let me sleep this late 
again?" Her voice was soft, not angry. Ryan was relieved. 

"I must have fallen asleep too. I can't imagine why. I never sleep 
during the day. Must have been the environment," he said, caressing 
her cheek.

"I have to go see Mulder. God only knows how he has injured himself," 
she continued to mutter to herself as she got dressed and gathered her 
things. "Will you drive me? My car is still at Mulder's."

"Sure, let's go."

****

"Thank God you're here. Mulder is driving me nuts." Frohike exclaimed 
as he opened the door. Ryan and Scully entered to Mulder's voice 
coming from the bedroom.

"You're not any picnic either Frohike."

Scully got the run down on Mulder's day as she examined him. "You're 
healing well, Mulder. Tomorrow or the next day I'll take the stitches 
out of your arm. In a few days we'll think about these," she said 
running her hands over the wound on his abdomen, checking for 
swelling.

"What happened to your wrists?" Mulder exclaimed, grabbing her hands. 
Her wrists were ringed with dark bruises. Scully looked down at her 
wrists. So did Ryan. Mulder did not miss his expression--grief. "How 
did this happen," Mulder demanded again.

"I don't know, Mulder."

"You don't know!" He picked up her hand and held it forcibly still to 
study her wrists. Ryan saw her jaw clench as she fought the urge to 
openly wince. Just as seven years of exposure to Mulder had improved 
Scully's profiling abilities, seven years of working with Scully had 
taught Mulder enough about forensics to recognize these marks. "Scully 
this is from..." he trailed off and looked up at her.

"Let me go, Mulder."

"Tell me how this happened," he demanded again, still staring at her. 
She couldn't look at him.

"That's enough, Mulder. Let her go, you're hurting her," Ryan said. 
Mulder looked at him, eyes widening as realization dawned. Ryan took 
Scully's hand out of Mulder's grasp and pulled her from the room. 
Mulder struggled to get out of the bed and follow them.

He staggered to a stop in the bedroom threshold.

"I'm going to have to tell him something!"

"Tell him the truth." 

She spun around to face him. "If I told him the truth, he'd kill you."

"Maybe I deserve it, Dana...."

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his chest. "Let's 
not go there again, alright. You didn't know."

He put one arm around her waist and used his other hand to lift her 
face to his, "It's no excuse."

"Shut up, let it go." She stood on her toes and kissed him. Mulder 
closed his eyes and turned back to the bedroom. He was still leaning 
on the bed when he heard the door close. Scully was in the bedroom 
before he could react.

"Don't yell, I'm getting back in bed," he said with a defeated voice.

"What did you hear?" she asked, helping him.

"Nothing."

"Mulder," she began.

"Scully your personal life is none of my business," he said firmly. 
"Besides I don't want to know what you and Ryan might be doing with 
handcuffs," he said dully.

"What?!" she exclaimed shocked and disgusted. Mulder didn't look at 
her. "Mulder I don't even want to know what your filthy mind has 
concocted but whatever videos you and Frohike were watching today were 
just videos. Andy and I are not to the point in our relationship where 
I'm ready to sleep with him yet, much less engage in deviant sexual 
behaviors. For your information, these bruises were caused when he 
made good on his threat to make me do what he asked today." She turned 
to walk away but he grabbed her.

"What did he do to you?" 

"None of your business."

"The hell it isn't! What did he do?"

"He asked me to take a shower and go to bed while he cooked me 
breakfast. I refused and he dragged me into the bathroom."

"Where did the cuffs come in?"

"Needless to say I wasn't cooperative and he couldn't control me and 
turn on the water so he cuffed me."

"And how did you react to this little scenario?" his tone was even but 
his eyes were wide.

"How the hell do you think I'd react? You're the one that observed I 
don't like to feel out of control."

"And that's all? You weren't reacting to anything else?" 

She stared at him. "Why?"

"You tell me."

She looked at him and then lowered her eyes, "It reminded me of the 
Pfaster case," she whispered.

"Scully!" he breathed.

"I'm alright, Mulder."

"Well you're right that I'll kill him when I see him," he said taking 
her hand in his and tracing the bruise with the fingers on his other 
hand.

"He didn't know about the Pfaster case. Let it go." She looked at him 
curiously. "Did you already know what it was I was reacting to?" He 
nodded. "How?"

"Scully, I will never forget the Pfaster case. It's the first time you 
let me see what you were really feeling. One of the few times you let 
me in...And I was there when you killed him. You think I don't know 
how much that affected you? I don't see how you could stand out there 
kissing him after he made you relive that."

"I didn't intend for you to see that. I thought you were in the bed," 
she whispered.

"Why would you care what I saw. I know you are dating him. I assumed 
there was something physical involved..."

"Mulder...." he continued to look at her softly. "It's not appropriate 
for me to be kissing him in your apartment...."

"Why not? You and he are involved. We never were. Why should I enter 
into the picture here?" She stared at him. He couldn't read her 
expression but he didn't need to read it to know he'd strike a nerve 
with that speech. She remained silent, stunned. "So why did you kiss 
him? Why were you and he sleeping together when I called? Especially 
if 'you're not to the point in your relationship...'" Her eyes 
widened. "You were sleeping with him?"

"That is none of your business."

"But it's enough my business for you to not kiss him in my presence. 
How does that work?" He saw Scully's expression harden and braced 
himself.

"Because we've been friends for seven years? Because you are my best 
friend? Because we are the most significant people in each other's 
lives?"

"After knowing you for seven years wouldn't I want you to be happy? As 
your best friend wouldn't I be pleased to see you happy with someone 
you loved? But if we are the most significant people in each other's 
lives, where is Ryan's place in yours? Just tell me honestly why you 
care if I see you kiss him and I'll let this drop."

"Tell me honestly that it doesn't bother you," Scully whispered trying 
to gain the offensive.

"I said I wanted you to be happy. I never said it didn't bother me to 
see you kiss him. It killed me. The question isn't what it does to me. 
The question is, why should you care what it does?"

"Because you're my friend!"

"And I'm yours. I'll be happy if you are. So tell me to be happy for 
you. If all we are is friends, that should be enough."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then be clear with me. Tell me you are happy with him. Tell me you 
love him. Tell me you were sleeping with him, in his arms. Tell me to 
be happy for you."

"Where is this coming from, Mulder? I don't understand it."

"I don't understand why you are saying to me that you aren't ready to 
sleep with him, but I call and you are in bed with him. I don't 
understand why he was scaring the hell out of you one moment and you 
are kissing him passionately the next. I don't understand why you 
kissed me last night instead of slapping me or pulling away. What 
would have happened if I hadn't stopped? What is happening between you 
and Ryan? What is happening between you and me?"

"What happens between me and Andy is none of your business," Mulder 
recognized that she was going to run. He wasn't going to let her.

"Did he push himself on you when you were reacting his actions this 
morning? Did he take advantage of you when you were feeling 
vulnerable? Is that how you ended up in bed with him? I swear I will 
find him right now and kill him if you say yes." 

She shook her head. "No, I threw myself at him because I was feeling 
vulnerable. He stopped me."

"Why?"

"Because he saw that what was happening was wrong."

"And if he saw that and you saw that, then why was it happening, 
Scully? That is what I'm asking. If you're not ready for intimate 
physical relations with him, why were you in bed with him. If you knew 
and I knew that what happened last night was wrong--if you didn't want 
it--why did it happen? I have known you for seven years and I've never 
seen you do anything so out of character. Except in the case of Ed 
Jerse. And I later found out you were dying when you did that. I have 
to react to seeing this again."

"I'm not dying, Mulder."

He closed his eyes briefly and then looked back at her levelly. "Then 
what is the impetus here? Why are you out of control?" 

"I'm not out of control." She looked at him with renewed courage and 
self-assurance, "If you want total honesty, I will give it to you. Be 
sure you can handle it before you say you want it."

"If it will help you to voice it to me, do it."

"You have expressed to me repeatedly that you regret all the things 
that happened to me since I began working with you." He nodded. "Did 
you know that of all the things people have done to hurt me since I've 
became your partner, your own actions were the ones that hurt me 
most?" She stopped and looked down, suddenly extremely unsure of what 
she was doing.

"Don't stop. What have I done to hurt you Scully? I honestly don't 
know and I want you to tell me."

"You told me that I made you a whole person, that I was your 
touchstone. You kissed me. But you can't commit to anything else. You 
show me what I might have, but you hold it out of my reach." She 
paused, "Do you want to hear it all?" He nodded. "The worst is that 
you openly humiliate me multiple times when Diana came back, and you 
never tell me anything about her. You never express any regret. You 
never clarify anything about your relationship with her and with me." 
She stopped again and looked down. "I know I didn't get involved with 
Andy for any of the right reasons. He reminds me so much of you. But 
having established that relationship, you take the kind of actions 
that you did last night." He closed his eyes. "That you are right now 
with this conversation. Do you expect me to call Andy and tell him I 
don't want to see him anymore so that I can return to waiting for you 
to decide if you want to be my partner, my friend, or my...."

"Scully, I don't expect anything. I just wanted to know why you were 
behaving so recklessly." She didn't react. "Can I respond to some of 
the things you said or would prefer to leave it here?"

"That wouldn't really be fair."

"I didn't ask that. I asked how you'd feel about it."

"I want to hear what you want to say," she said looking at him evenly, 
as if challenging him.

"First, I want you to know that I never said or did anything 
impulsively...anything I didn't feel wholeheartedly. When I kissed 
you, both on New Year's and last night, it was because I love you. I 
want you to believe that."

Her jaw dropped as she turned her head to stare at him. He wasn't 
looking at her.

"As far as Diana was concerned...she and I were involved for a year or 
two when I first founded the X Files. I trusted her. As much as I 
trust you initially. Less, obviously, as time passed. Being told that 
she was a plant was as difficult for me to hear as it would be if 
someone told me you were a plant. I didn't want to believe that. It 
hurt too much. I didn't want to believe she'd betray me or cause me 
harm. I didn't want to believe I'd been so completely mislead. If 
anyone but you had even tried to tell me that I would have killed 
them. Despite that, I don't deny the way I treated you was wrong. 
Disgraceful. I can't communicate to you how much I regret that. I am 
very sorry. Please forgive me." 

"I do, Mulder," she said automatically.

"I hope someday you will really feel that. Regardless, Diana is my 
past. Never at any point did I consider returning to any sort of 
personal relationship with her. She is my past. I would like for you 
to be my future." 

She looked back up at him, "Mulder that is exactly the sort of 
statement I'm talking about. What in the hell is that supposed to 
mean?"

"I know what it sounds like. I know you are right when you say I 
wouldn't commit to anything beyond a kiss. And it's too late now. I 
can only say I regret that, too. Scully, Ryan came to me and asked me 
if we were involved. He basically asked me for my permission to pursue 
a relationship with you. And I gave it. I wished him well. I must have 
been insane, but it is done and I won't betray his trust now, any more 
than you would last night. What I did last night was wrong. It was 
probably the basest thing I've ever done in my life. An insult to you 
and to Ryan. I can only apologize again." 

"Mulder, I appreciate that you understand that what happened last 
night was wrong. It was. But you asked me to be clear with you. Do you 
realize how unclear you are being with me?"

"Yes, I'm just being honest. Just as you were. You know, I cold say 
you are being unclear for the same reasons you believe I am. You're 
admitting you're attracted to me, yet you're dating Ryan." She looked 
down and they were silent for a few moments before Ryan spoke again. 
"I wish I had told Ryan to stay the hell away from you.  But I didn't. 
And now you and he are involved. It's been hard. You seem happy. I 
want that for you. Sincerely. But I miss being able to touch you, hold 
you....last night I only intended to apologize to you for what I said. 
I kissed you because I couldn't resist the intimacy of having you in 
my arms. It's been so long...."

"I know. I felt the same way. That's why I kissed you back."

"Then I guess the question is, 'what do you want to do about it?'"

"I don't know Mulder. I don't know."

"I think you should think about it. Not so you can break things off 
with Ryan. But because in your own words you're doing things you're 
not comfortable with...that you feel are wrong. As your friend, I 
don't want to see you get hurt."

The next morning all was not perfectly comfortable when Ryan showed up 
at the door to check on Scully. Mulder heard him knock and heard their 
hushed voiced in the living room.

"How are you this morning?" he asked quietly.

"Much more rested. I can't believe I slept all night after sleeping 
almost all day yesterday."

"You needed the rest." There was a long silence. Mulder assumed he was 
kissing her until he spoke again.

"Do they still hurt?"

"They never hurt, Ryan. I never noticed the bruises until Mulder did 
and you can see they're already fading this morning. I've always 
bruised easy."

"You have such fair skin. What did you tell Mulder?"

"The truth."

"If he wakes up while I'm here, am I going to die?" his tone was only 
half-joking.

"Honestly, I don't know. We had a pretty heavy conversation last 
night."

"About...?"

"You and me. Me and him."

"Anything you want to talk to me about?" he asked softly.

"Not in his apartment five minutes before you have to leave for work."

"Skinner gave me the week off to enforce your week off. Call Frohike. 
Let's go have breakfast."

"Andy, don't push me on this. Give me some time to think."

"Ok," Mulder heard him respond after a moment. "What are you going to 
do today? Spend it here?"

"I want to take Mulder's stitches out today. I've got to get my own 
out too."

"Why didn't they use the kind the dissolve?"

"To make my life more complicated? God only knows. I can't believe 
Mulder isn't awake. I'm going to go check on him."

"I'll go give him his chance to let me have it. There's no point in 
putting it off."

"You're a brave man," Scully quipped heading to Mulder's bedroom.

"Not really. I'm counting on the fact that he's still in too much pain 
himself to put me in too much pain." 

"Don't count on it."

Mulder was looking at the doorway when they entered.

"Good morning, Mulder," Scully said. "Before you start, let me have a 
look at your wound."

"I'm not going to start anything. Good morning, Ryan." He looked at 
Ryan calmly and evenly.

"Mulder." Ryan replied quietly. Even more quietly he added, "I hope 
you believe I had no intention of hurting her. Physically or 
emotionally."

"I know that. I'm sorry. I just loose it a little where Scully is 
concerned. Seven years of watching each other's backs...it's a 
reflexive reaction."

"One that I completely understand."

"The last thing I need is two over-protective men in my life, 
gentlemen," Scully interrupted. "I'm going to get your breakfast and 
antibiotic, Mulder. If you two are ok?" She left the room eyeing them 
warningly.

"I didn't mean to hurt her either," Mulder said quietly without 
looking at Ryan.

"Pardon me?" Ryan asked puzzled.

"Ryan, she'll kill me for this, but she won't tell you and you'll 
misinterpret some of her reactions because of it. That might hurt her 
even more and I can't allow that. At least if you know, if she gets 
hurt even more, it will be for the truth and not misunderstandings."

"What are you talking about?"

"I kissed her Wednesday night." 

Ryan actually staggered back. "You what?!" Mulder closed his eyes and 
prepared himself for the onslaught. "I thought I understood you to say 
you didn't intend to pursue a relationship with her...that you 
hoped...."

"I know what I said. I meant it then. I still do. I will honor my 
word..."

"When? When it's convenient for you?"

"My behavior Wednesday night was abominable. I said something very 
hurtful to her and then I did something worse. She was in a lot of 
pain because of it and she's still reeling from it emotionally."

"If you were able to defend yourself...."

"I'd deserve whatever you did." Ryan stared at Mulder with fury still 
raging in his eyes. He jaw and fists were clenched, a fact that Mulder 
didn't miss. 

"What makes you think she won't tell me about this? Are you implying 
that...."

"No! I would never accuse Scully of being untrustworthy. She's 
embarrassed...angry...off balance. Essentially, I forced something on 
her that she didn't want. She doesn't deal well with those emotions. 
That control issue again. I didn't tell you this to hurt you, throw it 
in your face, or cause trouble between the two of you. I'm sorry it 
happened but I don't expect you to forgive it. I'm not even going to 
ask you to try. I told you because I'm worried about how Scully is 
reacting to it, how you might misinterpret that reaction, and how that 
could hurt you both."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Scully is a very guarded 
person...she doesn't let people in easily. What I did hurt her two 
ways. I pushed her, emotionally. I've done that on very few other 
occasions, never like this and never to this extreme. In each instance 
she has reacted by doing something reckless. Scully reacts to feeling 
out of control by doing something totally out of control...often self-
destructive. Second, I betrayed the trust she had that she could be 
safe with me. She is trying very hard to not let on, but it is obvious 
to me that she is afraid to be within my reach.  As you have observed 
in the past, trust is a big issue for us and she doesn't feel she can 
trust me. She's feeling extremely off balance right now. I'm afraid 
she'll try to escape that feeling by overcompensating for it...by 
doing something she's not ready for...."

Ryan listened to Mulder's speech with undisguised contempt. When 
Mulder finished he said, "You know Mulder, this might come as a huge 
shock to you but you are not the only person who knows Dana or who has 
powers of observation. I don't need you to explain to me that Dana is 
not behaving normally. I can see that myself. I don't need you to 
explain why she's behaving that way. I trust her to do that herself."

Mulder sighed, "I just don't want to be the cause of any more of her 
pain."

"Well then why don't you back off? Stay the hell away from her." Ryan 
stormed from the room. Mulder sighed again, deeply, and then cringed 
at the pain it caused. He heard Scully approaching and knew round two 
was coming.

"Why did Andy leave? What did you say to him Mulder? Did you threaten 
him?"

"No Scully. Put the food down and I'll tell you what I said. I don't 
want you to throw it at me."

"What did you do, Mulder?" she asked with a note of alarm in her voice 
while placing the tray of food on the bed.

"I told him that I kissed you."

She stared at him in silence. "Do you want to tell me your motivations 
for doing that?" she finally asked, voice perfectly calm.

"Because I'm afraid of the way you're reacting. Afraid it might lead 
you actions you'll regret. That might be prevented if Ryan saw them 
coming and knew how to interpret them."

"And precisely what did you tell him you thought I was going to do?" 
He began to answer but she waved him off, "No Mulder. Don't even say 
anything. I don't want to know. Just once I'd appreciate it if you 
trusted me enough to deal with my own emotions...my own issues, 
without your expert help."

"Scully, I caused this...."

"Partially, Mulder. But you certainly single-handedly made it worse. 
I'm calling Frohike. I have to go find Andy and try to clear this up."

****

Scully caught up to Andy in his apartment. When she knocked on his 
door, he opened it and wordlessly let her in.  She sat on his couch 
and did not miss the fact that he sat on the chair across from her. 
They sat in silence.

"Andy, I'm sorry you heard about this as you did...:" Scully began.

"So am I," he interrupted. Scully felt her heart beginning to beat 
faster as dread settled in the pit of her stomach. She had managed to 
ward it off on the way to his apartment with the hope that he would be 
willing to discuss this before condemning her. Now it settled in 
firmly. In response, she lowered her eyes, crossed her hands in her 
laps, and seemed to withdraw to inside herself. Ryan watched this 
transformation with fascination. But he wasn't going to let it deter 
him. "Did you plan on telling me this?"

"Honestly Andy, I don't know."

"You don't know?!"

"I told you this morning that I needed time to think about this."

"You told me you needed time to think about what you and Mulder had 
discussed."

"Exactly."

"I don't care what you and Mulder discussed. I'm more interested in 
what you did."

"We didn't do anything, Andy."

"So you would kiss just anyone? What else would you do with just 
anyone? Anyone except for me, of course. I waited half a year just to 
kiss you..."

"OK Andy," she retorted heatedly, "you want the details, you can have 
them unabridged and uncensored. I needed time to think if that kiss 
meant anything to me. If I decided it didn't, then no, I wouldn't have 
told you about it. If I had decided it did, well obviously I would 
have to decide what to say.  But Mulder has been my best friend for 
seven years. He rates some thought."

"What do I rate?"

"Right now, not a lot given the way you're acting. I understand you're 
angry. I don't blame you. I came over here to try to talk with you, 
but you are obviously not interested. Call me when you are." She stood 
to leave.

"Sure, I'll just find you at Mulder's. I call so I don't interrupt 
anything. He has a phone in his bedroom, doesn't he?" Ryan watched 
pain chased immediately by rage race across her face. Watching this, 
he missed her right upper cut until he was sprawled on the floor 
clutching his jaw.

"How dare you...?! I have never done anything to warrant you slinging 
insults. Mulder kissed me, not the other way around. And I'm not your 
wife. You have no right to expect anything from me. Especially if you 
act this way." she railed at him, voice breaking. He looked up at her 
and saw her anguished expression. "You bastard. Do not ever contact me 
in any way ever again. Do you understand?" Without waiting for her 
answer, Scully stormed from his apartment.

continued