From: Jacquie Sabatier Date: 9 Dec 2007 21:30:57 -0800 Subject: [all-xf] FF: Fate 1/1 Source: atxc Title: Fate Authors: Jacquie and Sassy Rating: M Pairing: Mulder and Scully Summary: Post episode fic for "Kitsungari" (Did I spell that right? Lol) Mulder didn't even go back down to the basement to gather his things. He just walked out of the FBI building and headed home. Scully had doubted him. That's what hurt. When he arrived home, he opened the bottle of Jim Beam that was in his cabinet. "Guess you're the only friend I can count on." He drank straight from the bottle. He was halfway through it when there was a knock on his door. "Go away!" he shouted as he wrenched open the door. A little old lady stood on the other side. "I must have the wrong apartment. Do you know where Dale Anders lives?" "One floor up." Mulder slammed the door in the woman's face and took another swig from the bottle. Scully couldn't hide her tears as she went on an ice cream run. Her hand kept going to her cell phone and then going off again. 'Let him feel sorry for himself. I'm tired of fixing the damage.' Then her cell phone rang. When she picked up, Mulder's only words to her were "You didn't have my back." Then he hung up. Scully's eyes stung as she turned her phone off. She went back to her apartment and took out her suitcase. She needed to get away...get away from Mulder for a while. Mulder passed out drunk on his couch with a game playing. Scully's hands were in his hair. Her mouth was on his. His body was atop hers.. He woke with a start. "Well, Jim. You give me some good dreams." He stretched. He glanced out the window from where he lay. It was now dark. Scully found herself driving past Mulder's apartment building. She stopped and looked up at it. Mulder stood slowly. When he looked outside, he saw her car parked across the street. He picked up his cell phone. "Where are you?" he asked when she picked up. "Outside your building." Scully sighed. "Look, Mulder, I don't want to fight with you. You don't want me to coddle you, fine I won't." She blinked back tears. "See you Monday." Scully hung up and got back into her car. Mulder called her back. "Scully?" "Yeah?" "I don't want to fight with you either. I just wish sometimes you had my back...you called me out in front of Skinner. That hurt." he took a deep breath. "Come up so we can talk." Scully could tell Mulder had been drinking. "I'll be right up." She glanced at her suitcase which was still sitting beside her on the passenger seat. 'Still gonna go away when we're done. Still need to get a handle on things' She looked at herself in the rearview mirror. Mulder walked steadily to the door when he heard her knock. "Hey. Want some coffee? I need coffee." Scully silently followed him into the kitchen, hoping she looked calm. She didn't want him to know she had been crying. "Sorry I was a jerk before...on the phone...I was drunk.. Which I never am.." He had his back to her so she wouldn't see his trembling hand as he scooped the coffee. Scully came up behind him, putting her hand on his. "Scully..I.." Mulder stopped, unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to say. "The only reason I acted the way I did was because I was scared," Scully said softly. She removed her hand. Mulder stopped her. "You think I wasn't?" He finally turned to look at her. "I almost shot you. She almost won. Do you know how badly in that one moment I wanted to be wrong?" "Wrong about what? That I wasn't dead?" "No. Wrong about Modell. I saw you... I mean her...she looked like you...dead on the floor..because of me.." His knees nearly buckled under him. He grabbed the counter for support. Scully only hesitated for a moment before taking him in her arms. He crumpled to the floor, taking her with him. He laid his head on her chest and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Scully. So sorry." Scully gently stroked his hair as she held him against her. When he was all cried out, he looked up at her. "I didn't mean to push you away." Scully pushed her hurt back down, making herself smile. "It was my fault too." She slowly let go of him, resting her head against the cabinet. "There's this great documentary on Discovery if you're not busy," Mulder said softly. "I'll get the coffee" Scully started to get up before she felt Mulder grab her hand. "You're not mad at me...are you?" Scully smiled at him. "Of course not." "Skinner tried to apologize in his own way...all I could think about was almost shooting you." Mulder helped her off the floor. "It took its toll," Scully said, trying to tell Mulder that she understood. Mulder held her hand a moment longer, reluctant to let go. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Scully asked softly. "How do you do that?" Mulder asked with a smile. Scully smiled back at him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. She poured two cups of coffee. Mulder stood and watched her. "It's scary sometimes...how you read me, I mean." Scully gave him a small smile. "You can read me just as easy." "I love it when you are thinking hard and you chew on the end of your pen. I never can figure out just what you're thinking about then though. I know for a fact it isn't work." Mulder didn't miss the pink in her cheeks. "Ah hah! I hit a nerve" Mulder moved hair out of her face. "What nerve?" Scully tried to remain calm, but Mulder could feel her pounding heart. "What do you think about? I hope it isn't that geeky looking dude from the third floor." Mulder made a face. "You," came the whisper. Mulder's breath caught in his throat. "What?" "I'm thinking about you," she repeated. "Good things?" "Good things." Scully closed her eyes and shivered. Mulder stroked her cheek. "Hey." Her tear filled eyes opened. "Why is it so hard for us to be honest with our feelings?" "Wanna start being honest," Scully whispered. Mulder moved forward and brushed her lips with his. "Maybe the couch would be better?" she suggested as she licked her lips. "Yeah." Mulder lead her to the couch. He sat down with his arms in his lap, afraid she wanted to forget what had just transpired in the kitchen. Slowly, she reached for his hand as her other hand reached for the remote to turn on the documentary. Mulder relaxed when her head rested on his shoulder. "I don't remember what it's about." "That's okay." Scully wasn't paying attention to the TV. She was studying his face..his hands..how good he felt against her. Suddenly Mulder turned his head and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her long and deep. Scully whimpered as her arms went around his neck. "I don't know what came over me," Mulder panted as the kiss broke and his forehead rested against hers. "Don't...don't apologize," Scully whispered. He gave her another quick kiss to the lips. Her hands caressed his face. "You look exhausted," she said softly. "I am," Mulder said honestly. Scully gently tugged Mulder's head down to her lap. Mulder closed his eyes as she stroked his hair. "I'll sleep on the couch if you want the bed, Dana." "Or we could both have the bed," Scully said softly. "I don't want you to think that we have to...have to..." Mulder hesitated for a second. "I'm not going to pressure you unto having sex with me." "I know," Scully reassured him with a smile. "All we'll do is sleep....that's it." Mulder reached up to stroke her cheek. "And I'll hold you." Scully leaned over to kiss his forehead. "And kiss you." The hand that was stroking Mulder's hair stroked slightly. "You okay?" "You feel good," Scully whispered. Mulder sat up slowly. "Let's go to bed." Scully paused. "I just need to go to my car for my bag. You go ahead." "Your bag?" Mulder stopped in his tracks and turned to her. "Were you going somewhere?" "New York. For the weekend." Mulder's face fell. "You got a boyfriend in New York?" "No. I just go up there sometimes. Watch a Broadway show...catch a taping of Letterman. I thought you were still mad at me so I was going to leave town to give you some space." Scully's hand went to his face. "But now that I'm here, I don't want to go." "I'll go get your bag," Mulder said as she put his hand over hers. Scully handed him her car keys. "You wait right here." He kissed her lips. Scully watched him go, her heart pounding in her ears. He returned a few minutes later. "Sure you weren't going forever?" he teased. Scully blushed slightly as she took her bag from him. "You can have the bathroom first," he said as he went in search of his t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Scully watched him for a moment longer before silently closing the door behind her. Her hands began to tremble as she took out her cotton pajamas. She put lotion on herself and brushed her teeth, just like she always did. She looked at herself in the mirror, trying to calm herself before she rejoined Mulder in the bedroom. All Mulder could do was stare at her before announcing, "My turn." Scully turned down the covers on the bed and waited for his return. He came out singing a song under his breath. One look at her in his bed, and all thoughts left him. Her laying there was just like it was meant to be.. like she was finally home. "My bed suits you." Scully smiled at him as she moved over to make more room for him. "I might wiggle," he teased. "Think you can handle it?" Scully looked Mulder straight in the eye. "I can handle anything. I ...I just want to be with you," she said softly. He placed his hand on the nape of her neck and drew her down to him. "You smell good enough to eat." He sniffed her neck. "Is that strawberries I smell?" "Yeah. New lotion." "Grrr..." Scully giggled as she snuggled against Mulder's chest. "All I need is whipped cream." He placed his hand over his mouth then. "I...." "It's okay, Mulder." "I don't want you to think that I need....that I want..oh hell. I do want you but not till you're ready." He kissed her forehead. "What if I am?" she asked softly. Mulder moved so that they were face to face. The only light was the street light. "Are you sure?" Mulder...I've been ready since the first day I walked into the office and shook your hand." Mulder slowly tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her mouth to his. "You too?" he whispered once the kiss broke. Her finger caressed his face as a tear managed to trickle down her cheek. Kissing the tear away, he slowly began to undress her. Scully's eyes closed as more tears spilled down her cheeks. She moaned softly at his touch on her skin. He kissed every inch of her skin as it became available. "So soft...so warm." "Mulder", she whispered. He looked up at her. "Dana.." Slowly she opened her eyes at the vulnerability in Mulder's voice. "I can't lose you," he whispered. "Ever." "You won't," she whispered back as she kissed him. "I need you too much." She gently kissed his neck. He began to pull his shirt over his head but was stopped by her hand. "Can I?" she whispered. He let her remove his shirt. Her fingers on his flesh were like electricity. "Dana..." "Ssssh...I know." She kissed his chest. He placed his hand on hers. "Dana, let me love you." She shivered at the sound of her name. He rolled her onto her back as he slowly eased out of his pants and boxers. He towered over her, settling between her thighs. "You are so beautiful." They made love in the semi-darkness, each taking their time and remembering every crevice of the other's body. Time was of no importance as their rises and falls were emitted in sighs, gasps, grunts or moans. They collapsed together, falling into an exhausted sleep.