From: Isahunter@aol.com
Date: Tue, 29 Jun 1999 18:53:03 EDT
Subject: Faux Pas (1/1) by Diadem

Title: Faux Pas (1/1)

Author: Diadem

Rating: Pretty general

Category: V, H, a little UST, maybe?

Spoilers: Diana mentioned. Does that count?  Oh, and 
     the Pilot.

Archive: If you want it, sure. Just let me know 
     where, so I can come visit.

Feedback: Of course! But DO NOT HIT REPLY! My 
     personal angel has been very obliging once again! 
     Click here instead: Diadem@cwcom.net

Disclaimer: Anyone out there ever looked really 
     closely at the end credits of XF? Try looking 
     at the top two lines of the screen before the 
     one where the kid says "I made this!" Apparently 
     even CC has to put disclaimers on his stories! 
     Doesn't mean I don't have to, though, so here we 
     go: I do not own FWM or DKS, and I don't own the 
     Gunmen, and I wouldn't even WANT to own Diana. They 
     all belong to CC, FOX, and 1013.

Notes: This is a sequel (kind of) to "Hair" which was 
     posted last week.  However, because I had no idea 
     how to write a sequel to a story I (mistakenly!) 
     thought was finished, but not wishing to disappoint 
     those who had requested a sequel, I have changed the 
     format of the whole thing.  The result of which is 
     that the first part of this is a repost of the 
     original, so don't worry - no one has missed a thing, and you      
     don't need to read anything else first!  It's also a kind of            
     experiment, so I would love any and all comments you 
     might have. 


Dedication: This is for Melissa, who threw ideas at me 
     after I first posted "Hair," and gave me "the line"
     for this continuation.  I'm not sure I have done it
     justice, but I tried!  Really I did!  Oh, and Isa, for 
     confirmation of the title!

Summary: Is IM really a reliable method of conversation?

Faux Pas (1/1) by Diadem

<DKS is on line>

FWM: Scully?
DKS: Yup?
FWM: Do you dye your hair?
DKS: Thanks Mulder. Yes, I had a great vacation,
     thank you. 
FWM: Good. Well, do you?
DKS: Do I what?
FWM: Dye your hair?
DKS: Mind your own business!
FWM: Please Scully. I need to know.
DKS: You or the Gunmen?
FWM: Me! Please, it's important.
DKS: No, I don't.
FWM: Oh. OK.
DKS: I used to. Why so important?
FWM: What brand?
DKS: Huh?
FWM: What brand did you use?
DKS: Um, L'Oreal, I think. Why?
FWM: Can't say.
DKS: Won't work, Mulder. Why?
FWM: You'll laugh at me.
DKS: No I won't.
FWM: Promise?
DKS: Promise.
FWM: And you won't tell anyone else?
DKS: I won't tell anyone else.
FWM: I'm going gay.
FWM: Scully?
DKS: Yeah. I'm still here.
FWM: Are you laughing?
DKS: No. I'm a little surprised.
FWM: Why? I am nearly forty.
DKS: I'm not sure it works quite like that, Mulder.
FWM: I know that. I'm just saying it was bound to 
     happen sooner or later. 
DKS: Are you sure about that?
FWM: I think I'd know, Scully.
DKS: OK, point taken.
FWM: I'm surprised you hadn't noticed. You are usually 
     really perceptive on that kind of thing. 
DKS: That kind of thing?
FWM: You know. Details.
DKS: Yeah. I guess so.
FWM: So you hadn't noticed?
DKS: Well, I had wondered.
FWM: Wondered?
DKS: Yeah. Well, it wasn't exactly obvious.
FWM: Oh good. I don't really want anyone else to know 
     just yet. 
DKS: That's fine, Mulder. Just let me know when you are 
     ready. 
FWM: Thanks Scully. That means a lot to me.
DKS: What about us? I mean, is it going to mean changes?
FWM: I don't think so. Not really. Does it bother you?
DKS: Well, to be honest, yes. Don't worry about it, though. 
     I'll get used to the idea. 
FWM: I don't want to make things difficult for you.
DKS: Oh, Mulder. Don't worry. You can't help it.
FWM: Don't I know it.
DKS: What about Diana?
FWM: What about her?
DKS: Do you think that could be the reason...
FWM: Oh no. I told you, it only just happened.
DKS: That's what's confusing me, Mulder. How can something 
     like that happen so suddenly? 
FWM: Well, I guess it must have been happening for a while, 
     but I didn't notice until now. 
DKS: Didn't notice?!?
FWM: I just looked in the mirror this morning, and there 
     they were. 
DKS: There who were?
FWM: The gray hairs.
DKS: Gray hairs?
FWM: Yeah. I just told you. I'm going gray.
DKS: Gray hairs?
FWM: Yeah. Scully, are you just hitting "return" over there?
DKS: No, I heard you.
FWM: So it really doesn't make any difference to you?
DKS: Gray hairs? No, Mulder. It makes no difference at all.
FWM: Scully, are you OK?
DKS: Yeah. Look, I have to go. Mulder, do me a favour?
FWM: Anything ;)
DKS: Get your mind out of the gutter!
FWM: But I like it down there! The favour?
DKS: Oh yeah. Save this conversation, and read it back. 
     Carefully. 
FWM: OK...
DKS: See you tomorrow?
FWM: See ya.

<DKS is off line>

FWM: Oh...

--------------------

It was Tuesday morning.  Scully stood outside the 
familiar door of the basement office, and took a 
deep breath.  The conversation she had held with 
Mulder on line the night before had played through 
her mind all morning, causing her to receive several 
pitying glances from fellow agents in the Hoover 
Building lobby.  No doubt they thought Mrs Spooky 
had finally flipped.  Maybe she had.
     She let the breath out, and made a conscious 
effort to wipe the amused smirk from her face.  No 
doubt Mulder would be embarrassed.  Either that or 
he would make one of his wise ass comments, and she 
would be forced to let the matter rest.  Resolving 
not to tease him about it, Scully opened the door.
     She was not, however, expecting the stony glare 
that her partner threw in her direction.  A little 
confused, but accustommed to his unpredictable changes 
in mood, she crossed the office and laid her briefcase 
down by her chair.  After regarding him carefully 
for a moment, she sat down, and waited for him to 
speak.
     "So, did you have a good time last night, 
Scully?" His expression had not wavered from the 
cold, unfeeling stare he had fixed on her.  She felt 
a pang of guilt deep within her.
     "I'm sorry, Mulder."  She began. "I should have 
questioned you when you... made your, um, declaration, 
but I was kind of shocked.  It's not the sort of 
thing your partner tells you every day."  She bit 
back the grin that was twitching the corners of her 
mouth.  He was taking this harder than she had 
thought he would.
     "Apparently there are a lot of things one 
doesn't tell one's partner."  He replied wryly.  
"Perhaps you are more familiar with this particular 
ettiquette than I am, Agent Scully."
     "Mulder, I said I was sorry."  She repeated.  
He was certainly not taking this well.  "I meant 
it - but I thought you would have found a little 
more humour in the situation."  She was no longer 
finding the conversation funny.  If it had hurt 
Mulder as badly as it had appeared to, she wanted 
no more mention made of it.  "Let's just forget it 
happened, OK?"
     He shifted in his chair, leaning forward to 
rest his elbows on his desk.  "I'm not talking 
about our little chat, Scully."  She was delighted 
to see a slight upward movement in the corners of 
his mouth.  "In fact, I had a good laugh over it 
when I finally caught on to what I had actually 
written.  I thought you had a major complex about 
gray hair."
     Relieved, Scully let out the breath she had 
been holding, and allowed herself to smile along 
with him.  But in a matter of seconds, his expression 
changed once again to the cold glare she had been 
confronted with when she had entered the office.
     "But I would have thought that we could tell 
each other important things, Scully.  Maybe a couple 
of gray hairs aren't the end of the world, but I 
told you just the same."
     Where was he going with this, Scully wondered.  
Mentally she scanned her memory for any event she 
might have forgotten to tell him, something to do 
with their current case, possibly, but she could 
not think of a single detail that she had not either 
told him herself, or recorded in their case reports.
     "I'm glad you did tell me, Mulder, if it was 
worrying you.  But where are you heading with this?"  
She noticed for the first time a computer print 
out beneath his hands.  Might he disagree with her 
version of events?  "What is this about?"
     He sighed, and glanced down at the sheet of 
paper, seemingly verifying its contents.  After a 
moment he raised his eyes to meet hers, locked her 
gaze, and asked.  "Who is Brian, Scully?"

--------------------

     "Brian?"  She shook her head, confused.  "Brian 
Kingsley, from VCS?"
     "I don't know, Scully.  You tell me.  I hope 
to God it isn't him, but only you can tell me that."  
His face, usually so transparent, was unreadable.
     "I haven't seen him for weeks, Mulder.  Has 
something happened to him?"  Kingsley wasn't her 
favourite person, having started many of the rumours 
about Mulder's work, but he had a wife and two young 
children to look after.  Scully sent up a brief 
and silent prayer for his safety.
     "My guess is that you would know that better 
than me."  Still his impassive countenance did not 
shift.  She was beginning to tire of Mulder's 
guessing games.
     "Mulder, what is this about?  I have no idea 
what this is leading to."  She was worried, no 
longer about Kingsley, but about her partner.  Had 
an informant given him some information on Kingsley?
     "Because," He tapped his index finger 
maddeningly on the sheet of paper which lay before 
him.  "I checked up this morning, and Kingsley wasn't 
working last night."
     All these cryptic messages were giving her a 
headache.  "Cut to the chase Mulder.  What is this 
about?"
     "A print out I found this morning.  At the 
computer.  Christine is your cousin, right?"
     "Right.  I was chatting to her, briefly, and 
I printed out the conversation because she told me 
the details of her wedding next month."  A thought 
crossed her mind.  "Is this about using the office 
line for personal calls, Mulder, because if it is..."
     "Oh come on, Scully, you know me better than 
that."  He spat out.  "If you want to hide this 
Brian away from me, that's fine, but if he hurts 
you and I don't know who he is..."
     "Mulder, I don't know anyone called Brian!  
I wish you'd tell me what's going on here."  She 
had the horrible feeling that she was close to 
tears.  She almost wished she DID know someone 
called Brian.  Maybe then Mulder would leave her 
alone.  "And if you are not going to tell me, I'm 
going to have to leave."
     She stood, not bothering to rescue her briefcase, 
and headed for the door.  En route, however, she 
once again noticed the apparently incriminating 
sheet of paper, and on an impulse lunged for it.  
He was too quick for her, though, and held it at 
arms length away from her.
     This was just too exasperating. "At least let 
me read it."
     "Allow me."  He gestured for her to sit down 
again, and, reluctantly she crossed the room to 
her recently vacated chair.
     "OK, now tell me what's going on."  She folded 
her arms across her chest expectantly.
     He coughed, as though he were about to deliver 
a speech to the graduating class at Quantico on 
the merits and tribulations of the VCS.  Instead, 
he held the paper out in front of him, and proceeded 
to read from it.
     "Christine says: 'Well, have fun back at work 
tomorrow,' to which you reply: 'I'm sure I will.  
Anyway, I'm kinda tired.  I know it's early, but 
Brian's not working' dot dot dot, exclamation mark.  
Seems to suggest something, wouldn't you say, Agent 
Scully?"
     She couldn't help the smirk that played around 
her lips.  "Mulder..."
     "Don't worry, Scully.  You don't have to tell 
me who he is.  I am your work partner, it's nothing 
to do with me how you run your private life."  For 
only the second time that morning, his expression 
changed, and he looked positively dejected.
     "Shut up, Mulder."  She stood and crossed the 
office, perching on the edge of his desk, and taking 
the paper gently from his hand.  "There is nothing 
to tell.  I don't know anyone called Brian.  I told 
you that."
     "Then explain..."
     "Of course."  She interrupted.  "But first let 
me tell you that you are far from being just a work 
partner to me, and I am a little disappointed that 
you don't already know that."  He continued to stare 
at her, waiting for her explanation.  She sighed, 
and reached for a pen.  Studiously she circled  
the offending name in red ink, and then proceeded 
to scrawl something at the bottom of the page.  
When she was finished, she handed the paper back 
to her partner.
     "Mulder, are you sure your color blindness 
doesn't extend to dyslexia?"  She asked him gently.  
"I'm going to get some coffee.  You want me to bring 
you anything back?"
     She glanced at him, eyes squinted slightly 
in concentration as he studied the text in front 
of him.  "Hmmm, sure, coffee." He answered 
distractedly as she left the room, smiling softly  
to herself.  At the time she had been chatting with 
her cousin she had only just returned from a week 
long trip to see her brother and his family.  She 
had endured a 5 hour flight, and had then had to 
drive herself home from the airport.
     She chuckled quietly to herself as she 
imagined Mulder still puzzling over her message: 
"I was tired from the flight.  How could I have 
expected my BRAIN to be fully functional?"

--------------------

It had taken longer than she had expected to return 
to the basement with the coffee.  She had been 
distracted by an agent whom she knew vaguely from 
a case a couple of years ago, who had asked her 
opinion on a set of results concerning bone fragments 
found in the Arizona desert.  It was just the kind 
of case she could very well have been stuck with 
if she were still working under Kersh, so she had 
taken pity on the woman and taken a look at the 
samples.  After she had persuaded the agent to 
request a series of more detailed examinations she 
had made her escape, and, via the coffee machine, 
returned to the basement.
  After his little display earlier that morning, 
Scully was not sure what to expect when she pushed 
open the door to the office.  Bracing herself for 
the worst, she stepped inside and placed Mulder's 
cup gently next to his elbow on the desk.  He glanced 
up from the file he was studying and gave her a 
sheepish smile.  Knowing it was his way of apologising 
she smiled back and crossed to her own work station, 
which basically consisted of her laptop sitting on 
a folding card table.  But it was better than nothing, 
and she had appreciated Mulder's gesture when he 
had first presented it to her.  It seemed that the 
annual FBI budget could barely cope with their somewhat 
infamous expense claims, let alone extra furnishings.
     While she waited for the computer to load up, 
Scully took the opportunity to study her partner.  
She would never be able to tell him exactly how 
shocked she had been when he had declared, seemingly 
in no uncertain terms, that he was "going gay."  It 
would have laid waste to years of fantasies, and it 
was hardly a topic she would have been able to argue 
with him, to convince him to look at it rationally.  
No, she concluded, she definitely needed Fox Mulder 
to be heterosexual, even if their relationship was 
not progressing as fast as she would have liked.
     Turning her attention back to her computer, she 
checked her mail.  An internal memo, reminding her 
that if she wanted to play in the annual FBI basketball 
league she should sign up by tomorrow.  She decided 
to leave that side of things to Mulder.  Her only 
other message was from the Gunmen, informing her 
proudly that they had won the East Coast Dungeons 
and Dragons tournament for the third year running, 
using the pseudonyms Mario, Wesley and Dilbert.  
Shaking her head in despair, she set about composing 
a reply.
     "Hey!"  Mulder's near-shout cut through the 
silence of the office, startling her.  She whirled 
around to face him.
     "What is it?"  Even as she spoke, her hand was 
reaching for her weapon, although she could see no 
immediate danger.
     "What did you mean 'you had wondered?'"
     "I beg your pardon?"
     "Last night, when I mistakenly told you I was 
gay, you told me that you had wondered!"
     The indignance on his face almost made her 
laugh out loud, but she decided just in time that 
it would not be the most appropriate course of 
action, given the circumstances.  Setting her face 
into an almost neutra expression, she looked him in 
the eye.
     "Well, I had to say something, Mulder.  I 
wanted to be supportive."
     The indignant look changed subtly to one of 
wounded masculinity. "Well, thank you for the 
thought.  But what made you say it?  Have you ever 
'wondered?'"
     His comment cast her mind back. "I guess."  
She answered truthfully.  "That first night, when 
I was panicked and vulnerable, and yet you didn't 
try anything.  But then I realised that it was just 
your character, and that you would never want to do 
anything to hurt me."
     "That's true."  He mumbled.  "But is that all?  
I mean, you have never 'wondered' since then?"
     "No.  Not seriously, anyway."  She smirked.  
"Although you do seem to have a 'special' relationship 
with Byers..."  She ducked just in time as the manilla 
envelope sailed over her head.  She could see the 
cogs in Mulder's mind turning as he came up with a 
smart ass retort, but luckily for her, the telephone 
rang.  Sticking her tounge out at him, she reached 
for the handset.  "Scully."  She ignored the gestures 
her partner was throwing in her direction as she 
carried on the conversation.
     Replacing the receiver she stood up, followed 
by Mulder's ever inquisitive eye.  "They got the 
blood match in.  I'm going up to take a look."  She 
informed him.
     "Oh, Scully."  She poked her head back round 
the door.  "I need another copy of the report on the 
New Jersey case."
     Scully gestured towards her lap top.  "It's on 
there.  In the case reports file.  I think I saved 
it under G.nut, or something like that."  Shaking 
her head, she headed off up the stairs.

--------------------

Her trip to the lab had been a complete waste of 
time.  The blood match had not been a match at all, 
in fact, it wasn't even from the samples she had 
asked be tested.  Thoroughly annoyed, Scully made 
her way down to the basement for the third time that 
day.
     This time, however, she was not greeted with 
Mulder's presence.  Confused, Scully glanced at his 
desk, and couldn't fail to notice the bright yellow 
PostIt that clung to the top file.  "Gone to visit 
'the boys'.  Will pick up lunch."  Sighing, she 
settled down at his desk, hoping to make something 
of a dent in the mountain of expense claim forms 
that had been awaiting her 'senior's' attention for 
the best part of a month, before his return.  Noticing 
that her computer was still running, albeit on screen 
saver, she crossed the room.  Seeing her reply to the 
Gunmen was still on screen, she hit "send," and powered 
down.
     It was near to three o'clock when her partner 
finally returned.  She was still working on the 
expense forms when she heard the door open.
     "About time!" She chided him, lifting her head 
to see what he had brought for lunch.  She had almost 
given up on him - another ten minutes and she would 
have gone in search of food herself.  Instead of 
the welcome sight of a meal, however, her eyes met 
those of a wounded looking Mulder, rubbing his jaw.
     "Sorry."  He mumbled.  She stood quickly and 
allowed him to sit.  "Got caught up."
     "Let me have a look at that."  She crouched in 
front of the chair, and pulled his hand away from 
his face.  "I thought you went to see the Gunmen?"
     "I did."  His eyes were mournful.  "The little 
troll hit me."
     "Frohicke?"  She raised her eyebrows, but 
continued her ministrations.  "What on earth did 
you do?"  Finding only bruised, she settled back 
on her heels.
     "I congratulated them on their little conquest."
     "What's so bad about that?  It sounded like 
a pretty big thing for them."
     "That's what I thought.  Before I went."  He 
rubbed his chin, ruefully.  "Unfortunately, I 
didn't know anything about the D&D tournament."
     "Then what...?"  Whatever it was, Scully knew 
that he had taken it too far.
     "I didn't check my mail this morning, but when 
I was pulling the New Jersey report off your computer, 
I saw your reply to their message."
     "So?  I congratulated them..."
     "That would now seem to be the case, yes.  Can 
you remember exactly what you wrote?"
     "Um, well, something like: 'Wow!  I never knew 
you guys could play like that.' Oh, and I said that 
maybe I would consider letting them take me out for 
dinner after all... Was that right?"
     He nodded, quickly regretting the action and 
wincing at the pain in his jaw.  "Near enough.  Only 
we seem to have had a repeat of earlier events."
     "Let me get you something for that, Mulder."  
She pulled open a desk drawer and extracted a small 
bottle of pills from the clutter.  "What earlier 
actions?"
     "The same trouble we seem to have been having 
all day."  He accepted the tablets gratefully.  "You 
missed out a crucial component of the message.  This 
time it was definitely your fault."  He dug into his 
jacket pocket and withdrew a folded sheet of paper. 
"Your turn to read, Scully."
     With some trepidation she took the paper from 
his grasp.  "Yeah, it's like I said... Oh.  I see."
     "Care to share, Agent Scully?"
     He was enjoying this, she could tell.  He 
believed that she had made a fool out of him twice 
in the last twenty four hours, and he wouldn't be 
exactly wrong.  Why on earth had she not checked for 
mistakes before she went haring up to the lab?
     "You know full well what it says."  She gave him 
the full Scully-glare.  It didn't always work, but 
she was sure ging to give it a shot.
     "But I would love to hear it from the fair lady 
herself."  He was grinning, to the best of his current 
ability, sure, but he was grinning, taunting her.
     Drawing herself up to her full height, Scully 
took a deep breath.  No doubt the Gunmen were having a 
good laugh at her expense right now.  She should be 
grateful Mulder was not making her read her hastily 
typed reply aloud to all four of them.  "I'll get you 
for this, Mulder." She muttered, and launched into the 
message.
     "Wow!  I never knew you guys could lay like that!  
Maybe I'll even consider letting you take me out for 
dinner as a reward!"
     Refusing to look up from the paper, she felt 
Mulder's arm slip around her waist as he chuckled 
softly.  "Oooh, Agent Scully!"  He whispered close to 
her ear.  "I love it when you talk dirty!"
     "Shut up!"  With one hand she placed the evidence 
on Mulder's desk while batting his arm away with the 
other.  "Point taken - mistakes are easy to make."
     "Is that an apology?"
     She turned to see the infuriating smirk invading 
his features.  Surely he couldn't find that much 
amusement in making her squirm?  "No."  Turning away 
again she seated herself at her own table before 
meeting his gaze once more.  "But maybe I'll let you 
take me out to dinner."


End

Yes, this really is the end!!  Comments, praise, threats 
all gratefully (or not so gratefully) received at
Diadem@cwcom.net