From: "Scarlet" Date: Tue, 5 Sep 2000 00:05:49 -0400 Subject: A Favor for Scully VI - Opening the Door Source: revision Title: Opening the Door - A Favor for Scully VI Author: Scarlet Scully Email: scarlet.scully@home.com Rating: PG Category: SRA Keywords: MSR, MSA, Babyfic Spoilers: I'm lost in season 4 and I'm not referring to anything specific, so I think we're all safe Archive? Yes - drop me a line if you get a chance and let me know where. Feedback? You're joking right? It's my paycheck. Summary: Nothing is ever easy for our dynamic duo. The sixth installment in the Favor for Scully series. Disclaimer: The characters here belong to the actors who portray them. The situations belong to CC and the folks at 1013. Thanks for creating a world that's so much fun to play in. Author's Notes: I know I'm usually pretty verbose here, but I just don't have much to say this time. This story is taking on a life of its own (and mine) and I'd appreciate any comments you might have. Thanks to everyone who has responded to the previous chapters. Your feedback has kept me going, more than you know. Enough chatter now, on with the show. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ January 15, 1997 Georgetown, VA Mulder/Scully Residence 8:57 AM 20 weeks Mulder lay quietly watching the sleeping form next to him. His hand gently caressed the ever- increasing mound of her stomach. He was fascinated in Scully's changing shape, more so now that he could feel the life moving inside it. His hand stopped for a moment, acknowledging the gentle push he felt beneath his fingers. He knew he should wake her, but he just loved this time of day. The actual time varied from day to day, but the act was the same. He would awaken next to her, cuddle up close and watch her while she slept. She was so relaxed and peaceful. He loved her lips, slightly opened, almost begging for a kiss. And he always reveled in discovering the new pattern her hair would make against the white sheets - sometimes masking her face, sometimes tickling his nose - but always different. It was only recently that he had discovered the feeling of his baby's movements inside her. She had laughed at the expression on his face the first time he felt it. He didn't know what she was doing. Early one morning, as they lay together in bed, talking idly, not yet ready to get up and face the day, she suddenly grabbed his hand and pushed it against her belly. The movement had scared him at first, then realization had dawned on him and he felt the dopey grin spread across his features. Afterwards, he couldn't get enough. It was as if the movement he felt had furthered the reality that this was indeed happening to him, and it was good. There was a life growing inside his Scully and it wanted to be discovered, demanding attention by moving and pushing against it's present home. The other surprise had been how quickly Scully's stomach had grown. He had a hard time believing that she was barely showing the day they married. That day, it seemed as if his hand covered her whole stomach, almost dwarfed it. This morning, it seemed as if he could spend all morning sliding his hand across her, a single hand not sufficient to complete the task. He rolled over and brushed a kiss against her cheek. She stirred slightly and he brought his lips close to her ear. "C'mon sleepyhead, it's time to wake up." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Georgetown Medical Centre 11:15 AM Mulder sat next to Scully, holding her hand while Dr. Morgan prepared the equipment for the ultrasound. Scully lay on the examining table, her belly exposed to the cold air in the room. So far, the exam had gone well and Scully didn't even seem bothered by the confirmation that her weight was skyrocketing. "Okay, this is going to be a little cold," Susan warned as she applied a liberal amount of jelly to Scully's abdomen. Scully remained silent but jumped as the substance hit her skin. Mulder watched, fascinated as the instrument began to smear the clear gel across her skin. The screen flickered to life and Scully squeezed his hand in anticipation. The black and white image filled the screen and Mulder struggled to discern the lines and make sense of them. "Well, well. It looks like we have quite a surprise here." Susan angled the instrument for a better view. "Congratulations, Mulders. You're going to have twins. That explains why you've gotten so big, so fast, Dana." Mulder's brain struggled to catch up with what he was hearing. Finally, his eyes made out the rounded shape of two heads. A hand waved by the screen, five fingers spread out wide. "Twins?" His voice sounded hoarse in his ears. "Twins," Scully confirmed, turning from the screen to look at him, eyes shining. "Looks like we have more shopping to do than we originally thought." He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. They both turned back to the screen. It was currently focused on a tiny heart that was beating incredibly fast. Susan continued to roll the wand over Scully's stomach, angling occasionally as she performed her exam. "Is it... I mean, are they okay?" Scully found her voice first, speaking the question on both their minds. "Everything looks good so far. All fingers, toes and limbs accounted for." Susan smiled over at them as they breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief. "Do you want to know the sex?" "Um..." Scully looked at Mulder, eyes questioning, leaving it up to him. He smiled at her, averting his eyes only momentarily from the screen. "No. I think we'll leave that as a surprise for another time. We've had enough surprises today. Don't want to use them all up at once." Susan glanced at Scully who nodded her head in confirmation before continuing with the exam. After several minutes, she broke the silence in the room with a questioning "hmm". Scully felt herself jump at the sound. The simple, soft sound causing a wall to close around her heart. "Is something wrong?" Her voice was a hoarse whisper in the silence. Susan continued the exam in silence for several minutes before answering. At the same time, she turned off the monitor and wiped Scully's stomach dry. "Why don't you get dressed Dana and meet me in my office when you're done?" She turned to leave and Mulder, frozen up to this point, rose and blocked her exit. "You didn't answer her, Susan. Is there something wrong?" It seemed, for an instant, that she was going to ignore him, or avoid the question again. Finally, exhaling a defeated sigh, she spoke: "There is a complication, but with some precautions, there shouldn't be any problems." As Mulder opened his mouth to speak she held up a stifling hand. "We'll talk about everything in my office." Ten minutes later they found themselves in a strangely familiar situation, familiar yet foreign at the same time. Scully seated at Mulder's left side, both facing the desk, both fearing what was about to be spoken. Only now, Skinner wasn't here and the words weren't about something trivial like procedures, protocol or even the fate of their partnership. Scully forced herself to continue to breath, in and out, in and out, as Susan began her monologue. Mulder felt lost and helpless. "You developed a condition called Placenta Previa. It's actually fairly common, especially with twins. Your placenta is too low in the uterus. It's blocking the opening to the vagina. It *can* correct itself. If it doesn't, we may have to perform a Cesarean Section, but we'll worry about that when we're closer to your due date. For now, our biggest concern is keeping you and your babies healthy. There is a risk that the placenta could be torn away from the uterine wall and that could result in miscarriage. This means we're going have to give you some physical restrictions: No repetitive bending, no lifting, no standing for prolonged periods, no intercourse, in short: nothing strenuous. I'm not sure what this means for you at work Dana, but I'm pretty sure you will need some time off. Maybe you can discuss alternative options with your superiors." Her monologue ended and she took in the expressions on each of their faces. She waited while they digested the information. Scully's mind was reeling, words racing through it again and again. (Placenta Previa, *your* placenta, *your* uterus, *your* babies, miscarriage, yourplacentayouruterusyourbabiesyouryouryourfault.) She suppressed a sob while gathering her thoughts. Mulder remained silent at her side. Susan continued while the silent couple battled with this latest information. "The twins are healthy though. They are a good size for this stage of the pregnancy. Keep doing what you've been doing and they will be just fine. You should expect back aches in the near future, if not already. There's a lot of weight in front and your back will have to compensate. Mulder, you should hone your massage skills." Neither responded to the intended mood-lifter. She continued: "Also, especially with smaller women, the blood flow to the heart can be restricted by the uterus. You should avoid lying on your back and if you do, keep a pillow or cushion under your right side to tilt the uterus slightly." She paused again, waiting for either of them to speak. After several minutes, Scully gathered enough strength to speak. "So I just have to be careful?" Her eyes searched the other woman's, trying to find hope hidden somewhere in their dark pools. Any emotion present was hidden beneath her professional mask, years of training keeping it in place despite the close relationship shared between the two women. Finally, the eyes softened a bit. "Yes. Be careful and you shouldn't have any problems. You'll take care of her Mulder, right?" Mulder only nodded silently, still assimilating the information thrown his way. "Good. Now Dana, I'll want to see you in 4 weeks for another ultrasound. My secretary will arrange an appointment for you. Until then, be careful and don't forget to eat. You're eating for *3* now instead of 2." With those final words of caution, they were dismissed. Both rose and proceeded out the room, Mulder with his hand placed firmly at the small of Scully's back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mulder had driven to a nearby mall, following their original plans to go shopping after the doctor's appointment. Scully wasn't exactly in the mood to wander through stores full of baby supplies, but she couldn't find her voice to suggest otherwise. They ended up in the food court before Mulder spoke for the first time. "What do you want for lunch?" "I'm not really hungry, Mulder." Scully answered truthfully. He shrugged and headed for one of the various food outlets while Scully sat at a nearby table. He returned shortly and placed a sandwich and salad in front of her. He had two large slices of pizza for himself. "Mulder... I said I'm not hungry." "I know Scully," he sighed. His eyes refused to meet hers. "Are you forgetting what the doctor said?" "No, of course not. She said a lot of things and I haven't forgotten any of them, like that..." Mulder cut her off before she could continue. "That you should eat." He looked at her pointedly, hiding his fear behind anger. He couldn't acknowledge what was building inside him for fear it would rip him apart. His hands moved to grip the edge of the table, knuckles white with the effort. His eyes closed to the terror building inside. Several minutes later he felt a gentle caress across the back of his hand. The movement was repeated, but his eyes remained shut. Her strong fingers gently pried his from the tabletop. Her hands twisted to hold his firmly. "Not here Scully. Not now. Not yet. I'm not ready." His voice was a whisper that she could barely hear above the din of the mall. "Mulder, listen to me. This is a precaution. We are going to be careful and whether this problem fixes itself or not, our babies are going to be okay. Don't you remember what Susan said? This is a common condition when twins are involved. That means that survival rates are pretty high all the way around." He looked at her questioningly, finally having opened his eyes. "What are they?" Scully faltered for a minute until she realized what he was asking. "I don't know the actual rates and before you ask, the reason I know that survival rates are high is because I've never heard of this condition. If it was frequently fatal and common in occurrence, I would remember it from med school. Right?" She waited while her logic filtered through his emotion. She hadn't really convinced herself of what she was convincing him, at least not yet, but she would have time for that later. In the mean time, she needed to take care of him. She needed him to be strong and confident in their happiness so that, if needed, he could remind her of the very things she was reminding him of now. "They're okay? The twins. She said they're okay, right?" Mulder's question broke through her thoughts and she smiled in reassurance. "Yes, she said that they were healthy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Later that afternoon, Scully retreated to their bedroom. She remembered the look of concern that had dropped across Mulder's face when she told him that she was going to lie down for a bit. After finally convincing him that she was fine, just a little tired, she found herself tucked under the covers, propped up against a couple of pillows. The still from the ultrasound in her hand, she pulled the leather bound book from the night table drawer. She had been selfish with this book that Mulder had given her, at least so far. Each day she intended to share it with him, allow him to contribute to this ongoing letter to her unborn child -- children, she mentally corrected. The day had yet to arrive. It wasn't as though he would disagree with anything she had written, or be hurt by it, or be angered by it, but it was personal. She had kept with her original goal and the pages were filled with the brutal honesty of her emotions. And these emotions were happy while remaining honest. She told her child -- children -- her every fear and every obstacle she faced to bring them into this world. She told them of the chances she took with her life, her career and knew that this would affirm her and Mulder's assertion that they were wanted. She paged quickly through the book, some pages written on at length, others holding quick notes on her thoughts and feelings, exhaustion keeping her from making a more complete report. Finally, having found the page she was seeking, she uncapped her pen and began to write, glancing occasionally from the page to the picture of her unborn children. "Today, I found out more about you. I have written to you for many weeks now, debating about whether you were a boy or a girl, but definitely a 'you'. I still don't know if you are a boy or a girl - your father and I decided that we would wait to find that out on your birthday - but I have found out that you could be a boy and a girl. Today I found out that I am doubly blessed and there are two of you. And don't worry, although two is definitely a lot, it is not too much to love. We are happy, as happy as we can be. I am worried though, I'm already imagining the 'terrible two's', doubled. That is a fun problem to deal with and although when that time rolls around I will swear it was the most difficult of my life, I'm sure I will look back on it and laugh. "We are not as happy as we should be though. Unfortunately, in order to not upset the cosmic balance of life (not that I believe in that sort of thing), good news is almost always accompanied by bad. There is a complication and I am going to have to be very careful or there will be problems. I will not detail these problems, or potential problems, but I will give a name to the complication. This way, when you are older, both of you, and curious, you can know a little more about the struggle that resulted in your life. I have never wanted you here, safe and sound, more than I do now. I am excited about the evolution of this pregnancy, but if I could exchange the experience for your guaranteed safe arrival, I would in a second. "This complication is Placenta Previa and we found it today at your ultrasound. I'm keeping the picture of you at this page in this book as a reminder of the happiness that came hand in hand with that bad news. This is what you looked like exactly halfway through the pregnancy, 20 weeks before your birthday." Scully closed the book quickly, before her tears had a chance to leave water marks on its pages. She had been strong for Mulder, reassuring, but in truth, she was terrified. Tears spilled from her eyes almost continually and she finally gave in to the desperation inside. She held the book tightly against her chest as her weeping turned into sobbing, her sobs nearing a wail. Mulder stood outside the bedroom door. He had ventured up to join Scully in her nap only to be greeted by the sound of her tears, muffled slightly by the door between them. He leaned his forehead against the door, his heart tearing at the sound of her pain. (Scully, why did you keep it in? Why did you make me feel better when you feel so bad?) Mulder felt the tears brim over, his pain matching his wife's pain. He knew why she did it. They were like that, both of them. Each so concerned with protecting the other that they kept their own pain inside. He hadn't let Scully know how worried he'd been in the early months, when he knew there was a chance that she could lose the baby -- babies. And now she was shutting him out. He stood outside that door for several minutes, his arms aching to hold her. He knew he couldn't comfort her, reassure her as she had done for him, but he wanted to let her know that she wasn't alone, that he was here to share her pain, that he did share her pain. She was his wife, he was her husband, partners in so many ways, *every* way and he felt that they should be facing this problem together. He just couldn't understand why she wouldn't let him in. Realization suddenly dawned on him. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't closing him out, keeping him at bay. She wasn't seeking his comfort, but she wasn't hiding from it. He realized then that it was as much in his power to change this trend in their relationship as it was in hers. All he had to do was open the door and go to her, hold her in his aching arms and whisper soothing words in her ear. But what if she turned away from him? What if she didn't want comfort from him? Could he stand that kind of rejection from her? (We're married and I'm still worried that she will turn away from me. When does it end? When do I get to feel secure in her love for me?) "Maybe never," Mulder answered his own question out loud. His hand on the doorknob, he took a deep breath then entered the room. Her back was to him, her body curled into a protective ball, partially covered by the bedcovers. "Scully?" She didn't answer him and her tears continued unabated. He pulled the covers back and crawled into the bed behind her, spooning his body to hers. He wrapped his arms fiercely across her chest, covering her arms as she embraced herself. He felt a sharp corner in his forearm and he glanced down to see the leather-bound book he had given her. He held her more tightly and the tears streamed freely down his face. Her sobs continued, shaking her body in his arms. Mulder moved his lips to the side of her face and kissed her temple. "Let it out, Scully. I know you're scared. I'm scared too." His tears fell on her face, mingling with hers as they traced paths down her cheeks, finally falling to the pillow beneath her head. "Oh Scully, I love you and I'm scared to death. I'm lost here; there isn't anything I can do. I'm helpless and I hate it. I want to give you hope, tell you I believe that everything is going to be okay, work out for the best. But I'm afraid that it's not true and I have everything in the world to lose. I want to make it better, but I can't." Scully's tears had faded and she twisted in his arms. Mulder loosened his grip enough to allow her to turn and face him, before tightening his arms again. Her reddened face turned up to him, silent tears still falling from her watery eyes. "Mulder I'm so afraid. I didn't know that I wanted this until it happened and now... I need this. I need to see these babies born, healthy. I need to raise them and love them and watch them grow. I don't know if I could go on if something happened to them. I..." "Shhh." Mulder cut her off, kissing her forehead. His lips remained barely touching her as he continued. "I know Scully. I know. I know how you feel Scully. You're not alone. I'm here with you, even in this dark place, Scully. I know." His words faded to a whisper, repeating "I know" over and over again. Scully buried her face in his chest, pressing her body against his, their children sheltered between their bodies. (If only this were enough,) she thought to herself. (If only we could offer our bodies and that would be enough to protect them, to ensure their safety. If only there were some promise, some bargain we could make to guarantee that our children will be well-born.) After some time, Mulder's whispers faded to silence and Scully fell asleep. Her ear was pressed against his chest, the beating of his heart lulling her to peaceful slumber. The edges of the book dug into her arms, still clutched against her heart. His arms continued their tight embrace, even in sleep, and they kept her slumber peaceful, providing safety and security from the demons of her waking life. Their children remained pressed between them, surrounded by all the love and shelter their parents could offer. The End. "Dear Diary: My heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested Spontaneous Human Combustion."