Date: Fri, 18 Apr 1997 23:57:12 -0700 From: "A. Baylis" Subject: *NEW* Fear (1/1) FEAR(1/1) by: Laura Baylis April 17.97 CATEGORY: VA, MSR RATED: G, I guess SPOILERS: Only if you haven't seen Memento Mori and don't know about Scully's cancer. Feel free to distribute anywhere, just keep my name with it, please. SUMMARY: While on her way to work, Scully lissens to a song on the radio and starts thinking about her future with Mulder. DISCLAIMER: All characters mentioned here belong to CC(thank-you for Small Potatoes!), 1013, and FOX television. I'm just borrowing them and they'll be returned safely. The song 'Fear' belongs to Sarah McLachlan and can be found on the CD 'Fumbling Towards Ecstacy'. AUTHORS NOTE: I just saw the 'Small potatoes' ad, and WOW!,Every time I see it now my heart starts to beet a little faster! but not to worry this has nothing to do with that. This is just a little something I cooked up tonight and I hope you enjoy it!(sorry if there's any spelling mistakes) I'm a real E-mail freak so I'd LOVE some feedback on this one; abaylis@inetex.com ****Special thanks to David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson for bringing our beloved Mulder and Scully to life. :) * * * Dana Scully searched through the contents of her purse for her car key and then quickly shoved it in the lock. She opened the door and climbed in. It was a beautiful Friday morning. The sun was high in the sky and the birds were chirping. It was surprisingly warm for April, for it seemed like it was forever raining, but Scully hadn't even noticed,nor cared for that matter. The past week had been pure hell and she couldn't wait untill she had the weekend to herself. She wasn't quite sure if it was the rumours flying around the J.Edgar.Hoover building about her cancer, or the you-look-like-hell looks she was recieving from Skinner, or maybe it was the way Mulder had been acting.....differently around her lately. She knew that when she had made up her mind and go back to work that it wouldn't be easy, but for God's sake, why was every thing so awkward between her partner and her. As Scully pulled out of the driveway,she turned on the radio. It was a Sarah McLachan song. Fear. She sighed heavily as she lissened to the soft words of the sad song "Morning smiles like the face of a newborn child, Innoccent unknowing. Winters end, promises of a long lost friend, speaks to me of comfort...." She had heard the song before, but it had never had the meaning that it did right now. She felt her eyes fill up with unshed tears. "But I fear, I have nothing to give, I have so much to lose here in this lonely place, tangled up in your embrace, there's nothing I'd like better than to fall. But I fear I have nothing to give........" she thought. Every word of the song made her think of him.....and herself. She was affraid. Affraid of death and of loosing Mulder, and most of all, what her death would do to him. He had had to deal with far too much pain for one person alone, and now he would have to deal with this too. Deal with it alone. She hated to think about what would become of him when she was gone. But was the thought that Mulder and her would go on with their stricktly 'professional' relationship up untill her time in this world ran out, just as scary? Was the thought of dying all by herself just as disturbing? Yes....it was. Why did they have to protect themselves from their feelings? From each other? Scully turned the radio up another notch. "Wind in time napes the flower trembling on the vine, and nothing yeilds to shelter it from above. They say temptation will destroy our love, the never ending hunger...." She turned the car onto the side of the road and burried her face in her arms that were up on the top of the steering wheel. Her bright red hair falling in her face. she thought. Mulder and her had always been so close. She often wondered over the years what it would be like to take their relationship to the next level. When she first met him she thought about that alot, but then she became content with the way things were. She couldn't risk it, didn't want to take the chance that things would not work out, and that they wouldn't be able to go back to the way it was. Secure. Protective. Honest...lonely. What did they have to risk now? It wasn't as if they would still be working togethor years down the road, unless a miracle happened. She didn't have that long, *they* didn't have that long. "But I fear, I have nothing to give, I have so much to lose here in this lonely place, tangled up in our embrace, there's nothing I'd like better than to fall. But I fear I have nothing to give, I have so much to lose, I have nothing to give, we have so much to lose..." The words echoed in her head,over and over. She didn't have anything to give....except her heart, her soul.....her love. Scully had always sensed that Mulder wanted her to be more that just his friend. He never said it in actual words but it was always as if he was waiting for her to make the first move. As if the disission was up to her. She was sure that he would have her if she let him. But would she? Could she possibly cross that line between being his friend and being his lover? Scully pulled the car back onto the road and once again headed in the direction of the F.B.I building. When she finally got there she pulled down the sun visor and checked her makeup in the mirror. A small smile spread across her face. She knew the answer. She had always known the answer.....but now, she knew she had nothing to fear. THE END Please send any comments to abaylis@inetex.com. Thanx!