From: Voet Date: 11 Apr 2000 13:17:19 -0700 Subject: New: Feels like home (1/1) Title: Feels like home (1/1) Author: Tanja E-mail address: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl or xfshippers@writeme.com Rating: PG-13 Keyword: MSR (finally the real thing!) Summary: Sequel to All by myself & World without you. Archive: Gossamer and Souls Entwined Archive always. Other archived, go ahead, but please let me know first! Author's notes: Third and last story in the series. Finally something more shippy and not such a depressing ending. Romance ahead! Dedication: Traci, thanks for the help and information :-D Joey, thanks for beta-reading! Feels like home (1/1) His new job hadn't been that bad. Thanks to Skinner, he had been transferred back to Violent Crime Scenes. A job he was good at and they had been glad to have him back. In the beginning of his career, he had already been well-known in the bureau for his high number of correct profiles on murder cases. He still hadn't lost the touch, but he had lost the interest, the attraction that had been there, when he had started in the same job years ago, was gone. It wasn't the same without Scully. Six months he had tried to forget, to move on, without any luck. And now he had finally come to realize, that he wouldn't be able to forget, not as long as he stayed here. There was not much use in trying to forget, if everything in Washington reminded him of her. In the end, he decided there was only one solution. He was going to resign from the FBI and leave Washington. He had no idea where he was going yet, England could be an option. He could try and find a job at an university, teach Psychology or open his own practice. Skinner hadn't been too happy to lose another one of his best agents, but he had let him go. He had seen the change in Mulder after Scully had left. Mulder had become more silent, grumpy and he always looked like he didn't get enough sleep (which he probably didn't) and one look at him told you he had lost a lot of weight. He had honestly told him that he didn't know what he was going to do yet, or where he was going to go. But six months after his partner left, Fox Mulder left the FBI too. 2 DAYS LATER Children's Hospital of Philadelphia He had made his decision. He was going to go to England, he had talked to one of his old professors and to friends from Oxford and he knew he could get a job at Oxford University. Maybe living on the other side of the ocean would be of better help, in his efforts to move on. Which is why he didn't even know what he was doing here. Something had made him pack his bag, get in his car and drive to Philadelphia. A long time he had told himself that it would be better not to go. And now something had pushed him to go after all, after all those months he had to go see her one last time. The excuse he had, was that he wanted to tell her that he was going to go to England, to say goodbye in person. Part of him hoped that she would stop him, but the other part knew better than that, why on earth would she? When she had moved here, she had given him both her new private address and the address of her new work. She had accepted a job at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. He knew she loved being a doctor and she loved working with children, too. He had seen it the few times children had been involved in one of their cases. She treated them with care and love, it was as if they brought the best out in her. The fact that she couldn't have children of her own, as a result of her abduction, hadn't been easy for her. She had told him herself. She had always wanted children and now she would have to accept that it wasn't going to happen. He had been surprised when she had told him where her new job was. Surprised, because he knew it wasn't going to be an easy job. Day after day she would have to deal with children who were ill, trying to find a way to make them better again, knowing sometimes she would fail, because she wouldn't be able to make them all better, some of them would be too ill to go home again. Children that would always remind her of what could have been ... But she had chosen this job, because it had been what she wanted. He paused in the entrance hall of the hospital, still not sure if he was doing the right thing by coming here. Telling himself that he shouldn't be such a baby, he continued his way to the reception, where they would hopefully be able to tell them where he could find Scully. The assistant at the reception was busy on the phone, at the same time looking for something in her computer. She nodded at him friendly, asking him to wait for a couple of minutes. He did, looking around him, taking in the environment. "Sir?" The woman asked him. He turned around. "Ehm hello." "Can I help you? Are you looking for somebody?" "Yes, I am looking for a friend of mine, she works here." "As ...?" She looked at him, waiting patiently for more details. After all his friend could be working here as a lot of things. They had nurses, doctors, secretaries, assistants, it was a big hospital. "Oh sorry, she works here as a doctor. Dr. Scully?" She knew Dr. Scully. She knew the woman had been working here for about six months. She liked her, she was always friendly, greeting her when she arrived, every now and then asking her how she was doing. But she also knew something was different about her. As friendly as she was, she always kept a distance. Nobody really knew what she had done, before she came to work in the hospital, where she had lived and what she had been doing there. She was very silent about her private life. She came, did her job and left again. She didn't mingle with the rest, but she didn't look like she regretted it either. If she wouldn't always be as friendly as she was, maybe people wouldn't have respected her choice. They might have gossiped about it, behind her back. But they didn't, because of the person she was. The smile on her face, never seemed to reach her eyes, only when she was around the children. They seemed to bring the best out in her. With them, it was as if she was a whole different person. They seemed to know what to say and what to do, to make her laugh and those times the smile did reach her eyes. She wondered who this man was. Could it be somebody from her past? Whoever he was, she hoped he would be able to make Dr. Scully happier than she was right now. "Dana Scully?" She asked, to be sure, even though there was only one Dr. Scully working in the hospital. He nodded, a smile spreading over his face. "Yes, she's the one I'm looking for." "Can I tell her who's here for her?" He shook his head. "Do you think you could just call her, without mentioning my name?" "Ehm sure ..." Strange. Why didn't he want her to tell Dr. Scully who it was immediately? She picked up the phone and pushed a button to use the intercom. A few seconds later she was being called to the reception. "Dr. Scully, reception. Guest for Dr. Scully at the reception." Scully was just examining one of the children, who was allowed to go home today. "Do you have one moment, Jamie?" She told him. The little boy shook his head, a big grin on his face. "Can I come with you?" "Jamie, I ..." She tried to think of a reason why he should wait here for her. She couldn't really think of one, he was better again and going home today. Besides, when he was pouting like that she could never refuse him anything, he was one of those special patients. "Okay, come on, let's go." She gave in, putting him from the bed on the ground. He put his hand in hers, and together they made their way to the reception. She wondered who would be waiting there for her? As far as she knew, she didn't have an appointment, did she? Oh well, she would find out soon enough, as they entered the hall where the reception was, she stopped walking. Her eyes narrowing, for a moment wondering if she was going crazy or if she was really seeing who she thought she was seeing. But when she took another good look, it was still him. "What the hell is he doing here?" She muttered under her breath. At the same moment, Mulder turned around and their eyes locked. "Scully!" The serious look on his face was replaced by a big smile when he saw her standing in front of him. She looked different, her hair was longer than it used to be, when she was still working with the FBI. She had pulled it back in a ponytail, probably a lot easier when she was at work. He also noticed the tired look in her eyes, the smile that wasn't as bright as it had been. His look traveled to the little boy next to her, probably one of her patients. "Hello, Mulder." She said coolly, not as enthusiastic as he was at all. Confused by him being here, wondering why he had come. Why hadn't he come before, why all of a sudden now? Why hadn't he called before he came and why had he come to the hospital? Why now, after all this time? In her anger of him showing up all of a sudden, without any warning and after not being in contact for six months, she didn't notice the way he looked. He had changed too. Skinner had been right, he had lost weight and the bags under his eyes showed he hadn't been sleeping very well either. He didn't say anything, just staring at her. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" She wanted to know. "I am here to see you obviously." Why else would he be there?. "Oh, you were in the neighborhood and you thought, oh what the hell, let's go visit good old Scully?" She said sarcastically, realizing the woman at the reception was following their whole conversation with interest, but she couldn't care less at this moment. He looked at her, confused. He hadn't expected her to welcome him with open arms, but he hadn't expected her to be this hostile either. He already regretted coming, knowing that his decision to go visit her had been a big mistake. "No, I wanted to see you and I ..." "You could have saved yourself the trouble, Mulder. Nice of you to come by, too bad you couldn't have thought of it earlier." "Scully ..." "Dr. Scully these days, Mulder. And if you'll excuse me now, I have a job to do. Come on Jamie, let's go." Both Mulder and Jamie looked at her confused, not knowing her like this at all. She took one last look at Mulder, turned around and walked away. Jamie had a hard time keeping up with her. She didn't even seem to notice he was still with her. She was too angry, hurting, all this time she had been hoping she would see him again, she had missed him like crazy, but he had come too late. No matter how much she had wanted to see him again, she was too disappointed by his lack of interest in her new life. "Dana?" The voice next to her brought her back to reality. She suddenly realized where she was. "Yes?" She looked down at Jamie and tried to smile. "Are you alright?" "Yes, of course I am." "Why were you angry with that man?" "Because ..." How on earth did she have to explain to a 6-year old the disappointments of life? "Did he hurt you?" "A little. I thought he was my friend, but it turned out he wasn't my friend at all. You know what I mean?" He nodded, understanding. 6-year olds had friends too. They continued their walk back in silence. When they were almost there, Jamie stopped and tugged at her hand. She looked at him. "Yes?" "I once had a fight with my friend, and I didn't want him to be my friend anymore. My mom said, that good friends only come around once in a life time and that you should treasure that friendship. Even when you're angry with a friend, you can always make up and be friends again." She smiled. Why couldn't her life be as simple as the world of a 6-year old. In a way he was right, friendships were too special to let go of, because of a fight. But this was a little different, this wasn't a fight between two children. This was a fight that went further than that. She was hurt and disappointed in her friend and saying sorry wasn't going to make it all better again. "Thanks, I'll try to think of that." She thanked him anyway, glad that he could still think with the innocence that only a child could think with. "You will go talk to him again?" Jamie persisted. "I will." She promised. It was not like she had much of a choice. She was pretty sure that Mulder wouldn't leave straight away. Big chance that he would try to talk to her again. THAT NIGHT SCULLY'S APARTMENT To her surprise and though she wouldn't admit it to herself, also to her disappointment, he hadn't been waiting for her at the hospital, by the time she was done with her shift, he wasn't there anymore. Part of her had expected (hoped too) that he would be waiting for her in the hallway, but he hadn't. Had she been wrong after all? Had Mulder really given up on her this easily? The old Mulder wouldn't have, but maybe he had changed. As she arrived home and walked to her apartment, she found out she hadn't been wrong. Because she found Mulder, sitting against her apartment door. He didn't see her coming, lost in his thoughts, staring at the ground. "Mulder?" She looked down at him. He looked up, when he heard her voice. For the first time in the last six months, she saw what she had been missing so much. His hazel eyes that were staring at her, his lips curling into a smile when he saw her. For a moment, it was as if they had never been away from each other, like they were back in time. Then the look in his eyes changed and he smiled sadly, as if he had woken up, realizing where he was and why he was there. "Hi Scully." "Do you want to come in?" She couldn't let him stand here of course, while she went in. He had opened the door by coming here, she wouldn't close it, not right away anyway. The least she could do was listen to what he had to say. "Are you sure?" He asked hesitantly. She didn't say anything, just opened the door and waited for him to follow her. He did, curiously he looked around in her new apartment. It did look a lot like the one she had been living in back in D.C. His look traveled through the rest of the living room and stopped at a couple of pictures on the wall. He smiled, recognizing one of the pictures of the two of them together. Some photographer had taken it at the last annual FBI ball. The fact that she still had the picture and even had it hanging in her living room, was at least a sign that she hadn't forgotten about him completely. Scully called from the kitchen. "You want something to drink?" "Sure." He called back. "Iced tea?" He smiled, thinking of the remark he had made when they were on the Tooms case. 'If it's iced tea in that bag, it could be love.' "Iced tea is fine." Was all he said, smiling at her, knowing that she was thinking of the same. Handing him his ice tea, she sat down on the other side of the couch. "Why did you come here, Mulder?" "I wanted to talk to you." He answered matter-of-factly. "But I don't understand. Why now all of a sudden, after all this time? Why didn't you come earlier? You didn't react to any of the messages I left on your answering machine!" She started to get angry again. What gave him the right to do this? Who did he think he was, walking in and out of her life when he felt like it? "I ..., I wanted you to be happy." "By breaking every contact? I thought you were my friend, Mulder." "I was, I mean I am, but I thought that ..." He paused, not knowing how to explain it to her. Before he could say anything else, she asked her next question. "Why now, Mulder?" He sighed, standing up from the couch, he walked to the window and stared outside. "I came to say goodbye." He didn't turn around to look at her. "Excuse me? What do you mean?" She was confused, what the hell did he mean? "I'm leaving and before I go I wanted to see you one last time, to say goodbye." He explained. "Where are you going?" She tried to ask as calm as possible. A lot calmer than she actually was. She didn't want him to go away at all, suddenly she forgot all about her anger and the pain she had been going through. All she knew was, that she wanted him to stay here with her. Wherever he was going, she didn't want him to go. "England, I've accepted a job offer to teach at Oxford." He turned around and looked at her. England, from all the places there were, he had to go all the way to England? All the way across the ocean, and too close to Phoebe Green for her liking. Why couldn't he move to New York or something like that, something more in the neighborhood and besides, why was he switching jobs? How about the one he had with the FBI? "What happened to the FBI?" "I resigned last week." "You quit your job? Why, I thought you said you liked your new job at VCS?" "I guess I didn't like it that much after all. Not enough to stay there anyway. Things changed after you left." She knew what he meant. No matter how hard she had tried to move on, she hadn't succeeded very well. "I know what you mean." "I don't think you do, Scully. It's good to hear that you are enjoying your new life and your new job, and I'm happy for you, but I missed you. It wasn't the same without you. When you left, I told myself that it was better this way, that you deserved to be happy. After all that happened to you, thanks to me and the X-files, you should be. You wondered why I didn't come by or why I didn't call you? You were better off without me, I would only have ruined everything again for you. So I left you alone, but in the end I couldn't do it any longer. I started to hate my job, my life, the way I have become. That's why I resigned from the FBI, that's why I'm going to go to England. I'm really sorry to waltz back into your life all of a sudden, but I just wanted to say goodbye." She listened to him, tears in her eyes. Realizing all of a sudden what this meant. He hadn't stayed away, because he had moved on without her. All her anger faded away. He had missed her too, but he had thought that she would be better off without him. How could he ever think that? How could she ever be better of without Mulder in her life? Laughing through her tears, she said. "You know, my life hasn't really been that great at all, Mulder." He was confused. "What do you mean?" "I lied." She confessed. "I wanted you to believe that everything here was great. In reality, it wasn't really that great. The job's alright, the people are really nice to me, I love working with the children, but it's not the same. My apartment is nice and so is Philadelphia. But you know what? Nice isn't really what I want. When I left Washington, I thought things were going to be better, they didn't, it got worse. I want more than just "nice". I miss Washington, I miss the X-files, I miss my old apartment and I miss you. I miss talking to you whenever I want, I miss your phone calls in the middle of the night, your crazy theories and your jokes. This ..." She waved her hands around "isn't what I want. It would be a great job and a wonderful life, when you would be here also, but you aren't." She stopped talking, hoping that she hadn't misunderstood him, otherwise she had just made a big fool of herself. It remained silent for a moment. Then "You missed me?" He asked in disbelief. She nodded. "Yes, I did." "You weren't happy?" "Not without you around." She admitted honestly. Suddenly he stood in front of her, pulling her up from the couch, in his arms. Holding her close, he whispered "I missed you too." She looked up at him, searching his eyes, finding the answer she was looking for. The answer that told her she had been wrong all this time. She should have known better, thinking that there wasn't place for anything else in his life, than the X-files and his quest. There was, there always had been. The X-files were his job, his quest was part of that job, but she was more important than that. His eyes reflected his love for her. "I love you, Mulder." He looked at her, still having a hard time believing that this was really happening. How could he have been so wrong? She hadn't been happy at all, she had been miserable too, but hadn't want to admit it to him. By letting her go, he had come very close to loosing her forever. They had lost track of the road, and it had almost been too late to find the way back. He vowed that he would never let that happen again, never. "You have no idea how much I missed you, Scully. I wanted to hear you say those words so badly, but I thought you never would. I love you too." Leaning down, he claimed her lips in a sweet kiss. A promise for what was going to come. She let go for a second, looking at him seriously. "Mulder?" "Yes?" "What about England?" "Forget about that. I'm not going anywhere anymore. I don't care where we go or where we will live, as long as you are there with me." A smile spread over her face, and she leaned into him, for another kiss. If you knew how lonely my life has been And how long I've felt so low If you knew how I wanted someone to come along And change my life the way you've done Feels like home to me Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from Feels like home to me Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong They had been lonely without each other. Wanting the other to come along again, to make things alright. It had taken them a long time, but they had found their way back, where they belonged. A window breaks down a long dark street And a siren wails in the night But I'm alright cause I have you here with me And I can almost see through the dark there's light If you knew how much this moment means to me And how long I've waited for your touch If you knew how happy you are making me I've never thought I'd love anyone so much No matter what was going to happen now, it was all going to be alright. Because wherever they would go, whatever they were going to do, they were going to do it together. Feels like home to me Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from Feels like home to me Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong The End Feedback welcome at voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl. More stories can be found at http://www.angelfire.com/oh/xfshippers/index.html