From: Clone347@aol.com
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1999 08:11:08 EST
Subject: my fan fic submission

From: darkstar <clone347@aol.com>
Date: January 25, 1998 5:05 PM EST
Subject: Mulder angst

Title: Fides Fragilis
Author: darkstar
Spoilers: none
Rating: G
Classification: Pure Mulder angst, maybe a little MSR of a sort.
Keyword: MSR/Angst/Vignette

Disclaimer: Ok, ok, they aren't mine. I just got caught with my hand in
            the cookie jar and wanted to play with them a little. Fox 
            Mulder, Dana Scully, and any other entities my little mind
            might conjure up were first conjured by Chris Carter and 
            all you geniuses on the X-files staff. No laywers, please
            I'm allergic.

Summary: Mulder reflects on faith and faith lost.

Author's note: "Fides Fragilis" is Latin for "Fragile Faith" 

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Fides Fragilis
Darkstar

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     I was a believer. 
	
     I sought for truth.

     I searched for light.

     I clung to faith.

     Faith was my savior. Faither kept me honest, kept me straight 
despite the web of false truths and greater lies I walked through.   
Faith was my shining light, my guardian angel in a world of darkness
and demons. Often times it was the only thing that had not forsaken me,
the only thing that would stand by me whether I ran off in some Don 
Quxiote's quest for an elusive truth abroad, or descended into the 
blackest pits of human depravity to save a life. Faith was not afraid, 
though at times my faith was hurt because of me, hurt in place of me.

     	Fides fragilis. Faith so strong but yet so very fragile.

     Now I see as if for the first time how much I depended on this Faith.
Before, I acknowledged my dependence only to a point. I was proud- I
know that now- and blind. Blind not to the inherent danger that my Faith
would one day be taken away, but blind to think I could elude the danger
forever, that it would not one day catch up with me. Now my eyes are 
opened, and I would give up an eternity for one more moment of Faith,
and the chance to reveal secrets my heart must now hold locked in 
forever silence. 

     	Fides fragilis. Faith beautiful but faith fragile I would have
	died to protect.

     For, you see, my Faith was alive. My Faith had fiery red hair 
to match the fire that burned inside her, sapphire eyes that could read 
my soul at a glance- not only read but understand my soul- and a voice
that made the angels jealous. My Faith was an angel, and I an unworthy,
not deserving to love her and so much more so to be loved by her. And yes,
it was love, the most beautiful and powerful love I have ever known.
If only I had told her....

	Fides fragilis. Fragile faith, human faith. Shattered faith.
     
     My Faith was shattered one cold winter morning when I awoke to
feel an even colder emptiness inside me. I knew what it was, even before
I rushed to her apartment to hear the sirens and see the police cars.
I knew my Faith was dying even before I ran upstairs to see blood coating
the floor. Her blood. My faith died that second, and for many days after
as I searched through heaven and hell for her. The men who killed her
will never allow me the luxury of seeing her again, of burying her,
of whispering goodbye, of kissing her for the first and the last time.

	I am a believer.

	I seek out truth.

	I search for light.

	But my fides, fragilis, my fragile faith, is gone forever, slain
by those who have no faith of their own except in lies. 

	I know I can go on without her.

	What I do not know is how. 

 
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>

Did you like it ? Two word. FEED BACK ! This is my first attempt at
posting fan fic, so please don't leave me hanging.

Comments will be worshipped at <clone347@aol.com>
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