From abaylis@inetex.com Tue Apr 01 18:37:26 1997 Subject: Final Entry From: abaylis -------- "Final Entry" by: Laura Baylis RATED: G CATEGORY: angst(major), vignette SPOILERS: Not really, does mention End Game, Memento Mori April.1.97 SUMMARY: A good-bye letter from Scully to Mulder. AUTHORS NOTE: This is in response to Emu's challenge to write a letter from Scully to Mulder. It's very sad but I geuss that's expected. It isn't very long so it won't take that much time to read at all. Scully sat on the edge of her bed and pulled out her journal. The same journal that she had started in the hospital when she was getting kimo therapy, the journal to Mulder. She had decided that this was to be her last entry, she wanted to get all her thoughts down on paper now, before she became any weaker. She picked up her pen and began to write. Dear Mulder; I know that I told you that I wasn't going to give into this disease and I plan not to, but I feel that by pretending it isn't there isn't going to make it go away. I have to face the fact that I may die, and so do you Mulder. I only fear that this is going to add to the pain that you have had to deal with all alone all these years. I hope you find your sister one day, and their was a time when I thought that I was going to be right their with you when you did. I wanted so much to see the look on your face when you finally found Samantha. But the odds don't look that good right now. I have always taken comfort in knowing that you were going to be there whenever I needed you and I hope that you have done the same. I know that their have been many times were I've told you that I'm fine and I've pushed you away and I'm sorry for that. I have never been very good at expressing emotions as I'm sure you already can tell. Now I'm sorry that after I'm gone you're not going to have anybody. I know that you're strong and that you have always taken care of your self, I know that you will survive Mulder, but you can't shut yourself off from the rest of the world because of the pain you're feeling inside. I'm scared Mulder, I know that I don't show it but I am. Not that many things scare me but this does. I feel like there's a ticking time bomb in my head just waiting to go off and there is nothing I can do about it. When my father died I tried to be strong and when Missi died I tried to be strong and when I thought you were going to die thatime in the arctic, again I tried to hold myself together, and I succeeded. But nowI feel like I don't have any strength left. So now I need your strengh more than everit saved me once before and I believe it can save me again. I want you to be happy Mulder, so whenever you're feeling down I want you to think of me and remember that I'll be with you in spirit, watching your back. I hope what you find whatever truths you're looking for and prove to the world that Fox Mulder is no joke. Don't forget me o.k.?, but don't dwell on the past either. I've enjoyed the past four years we've worked together very much and I wouldn't change a day of it. I'll love you forever-death will never break the bond we share. Love always, Dana Scully. Scully closed the journal up and held it firmally in her grasp. She prayed that the day that Mulder would read this would never come. If you have any comments I'd love to hear from you. My e-mail is abaylis@inetex.com