From: "Marianne Dubitsky" Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 11:55:27 PST Subject: Submission: The First Step Title - The First Step Author - Marianne Dubitsky (Agent Dubie) E-Mail address - dubie910@hotmail.com Rating - PG Category - Cute MSR, angsty and a tad funny Spoilers - none Summary - Mulder and Scully get some professional help. Disclaimer - Don't own m&s, but it'd be cool if I did. Didn't mean to piss anyone off either. Special Agent Dr. Liz Brookdale is mine, Damnit!Hurt her and I will kill you!! ******The First Step****** "Agent Mulder!" the petite brown haired woman called as Agent Mulder made his way towards the elevator. "Agent Mulder wait!" Mulder cringed as he heard the familiar voice calling him from down the hall. If he could only reach the elevator before she caught up, he could get away. He chuckled as the doors opened and he stepped into the crowded elevator. He winked and smiled at the woman as she tried in vain to reach the elevator before doors closed. "Ugh!" she uttered in frustration. Something above the elevator caught her eye as she was ready to turn around in defeat. The directional arrow pointed upward. Mulder was going upstairs and not to his office. She smirked as she opened the door to the stairs and rushed down to the basement. Excitement flowed through her veins at the thought of beating the great Fox Mulder at his own game. She knocked on the office door and was greeted with, "Spooky's not here." The woman suppressed a laugh as she opened the door a crack, "I know, he just ran from me." The equally as petite red headed woman looked up from the file in her hand and smiled. "Agent Brookdale, it's so nice to see you. What brings you down to the hole?" she asked sincerely. "Agent Scully, it's great to see you again too. I came down here to inform you and Agent Mulder that it's that time of the year again!" Agent Brookdale replied enthusiastically. She entered the office and closed the door behind her. "Is it really?" Scully asked with a lot less enthusiasm. "Geez, don't sound so thrilled. It's not like I'm going to pull your teeth or anything. Plus, I'm sure you're perfectly sane. It's the Spookster that I should keep an eye on," she replied with reassurance. Dr. Elizabeth Brookdale knew that she was not the most loved member of the FBI. In fact, most people rather see their orthodontist than spend the one hour a year that they were required to spend with her. She understood though, she normally hated psychologists as well. An hour with one felt like spending an eternity with an itch on that part of your back that you just can't reach. "Oh you know it's not like that. I just? I don't know," Scully paused. She was looking for a good reason why she didn't feel compelled to spend an hour with the FBI's resident shrink. "You just don't like talking about yourself to a complete stranger for an hour. I know, but come on Dana, I'm not just a stranger. Look, it's my job. This is what I do. I know you hate it and I know I'd hate it too, but it's policy. Do you think I like running around dragging agents into my office by their ears?" she said as her tone became a little more personal. "I didn't mean it like that Liz, I swear. It's just that, well, you know how it's been since my cancer and all and I just really don't want to talk about it," she explained with a sigh. "I know. So we won't talk about it. We'll talk about whatever you want to talk about. Hell, how many times have I lied about those damn psychological evaluations in the first place. I think I detest giving them more that y'all hate going through them. You could just come in and talk. It'd be no big deal. All baggage left outside the door. Just a friendly chat between friends, okay?" Brookdale said convincingly. She had quite the knack for persuading agents to come see her. After all, that was her job. "Well, alright. Since it's policy and all," Scully agreed sarcastically. "Oh, since it's policy and all, huh? It's nice to be so highly regarded," Brookdale replied with a laugh. "Hm, such unique laughter can only come from one individual. Oh and look, she's here. Good morning Agent Brookdale. To what do we owe the pleasure this time?" Mulder prompted rather flippantly. "As I was explaining to Agent Scully, 'tis the season for many different types of neurosis, as you well know, and therefore, I have come to drag you into my office to make sure everything is ticking normally. Well, normally for you anyway, Agent Mulder," the quick witted psychologist announced wholeheartedly. "Is that so Doc? I knew that there was a reason why my hemorrhoids were acting up," Mulder shot back. "Well, Spooky, your ass is going to hurt a lot more if I don't see you in my office tomorrow at nine o'clock sharp. Scully, you can come in whenever it's convenient ok?" Brookdale instructed is she showed herself to the office door. "Way to go Scully. Why did you have to go and let her in? You could have just let her bang on the door for five minutes and she'd go away," Mulder whined. "God Mulder, she's just doing her job. She's the only person in the FBI who gets ridiculed more often that you do. You guys should be best friends. What is it with you shrinks anyway?" Scully scolded. "First of all, I am not a shrink. I'm merely a profiler with a degree in psychology. Second of all, she's just way too sarcastic. She's mean and nasty and just lives to piss me off," Mulder explained as he sat in his chair and sulked. Scully just laughed, "Too sarcastic for you? Oh that's rich. What? Has poor Mulder finally met his match and doesn't know how to be a good loser because she's a girl?" "Oh yeah, that's it. I'm scared of Doctor Lizzy. How funny is that? Look, I just don't want to see her that's all," he explained as he tried to play off his discomfort. "Sure, fine, whatever Mulder," Scully replied, turning her attention back to the file in her hand. ********************************** "Come in Agent Mulder," Brookdale called after the hearing a knock at her door. Mulder mumbled something to himself and rolled his eyes as he entered her office. "I simply love what you've done with the place Lizzy," he announced sarcastically. "Is that so? Well, at least mine is bigger than yours Foxy. You are seven minutes late, have a seat," Brookdale replied without missing a beat. Mulder plopped down on the couch and stretched out his long legs, "You know Lizzy, this couch is surprisingly comfortable. How much do you want for it?" "A shrink never parts with her couch my dear. Now, shall we go through with the actual procedure or would you like to just start rambling about your father like you usually do?" Brookdale asked as she leaned back in her chair. She really did like Mulder, but couldn't help loving to push his buttons. It was another battle in their war of the psycho-analytical minds. So far she was undefeated. "Well, I'm not exactly sure who my father really is. The father I always knew was shot by that bastard Krycek, and I would have killed his sorry ass if Scully hadn't shot me first," Mulder began. "Let's talk about your partner for a little while shall we?" she redirected. Each time she had talked to either partner, the other was never addressed directly. Brookdale knew that there was an immense amount of trust in their relationship, but no one, including her, knew of anything more. There was a secret office bet going around about their partnership. The men said that he was definitely banging her and the women all agreed that they were in love, but couldn't tell each other. Dr. Brookdale subscribed to the second theory. "What about Scully?" Mulder replied as his eyebrows perked up. "I don't know Foxy, you tell me. What about Agent Scully?" she pressed. "I don't know, she's my partner," Mulder said, desperately trying to avoid the whole subject. "Is that all Agent Mulder?" Brookdale prompted again. "Yeah I guess. She's my partner and I trust her with my life," he responded, growing more uncomfortable. He knew he always hated psychologists. "I could have sworn Agent Scully was a young and very attractive woman who trusts you with her life and just happens to be your partner," she teased. Brookdale tried desperately to hide the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Well Doctor Lizzy, I'm sure I could hook you up, but I don't know how Scully would feel about it," Mulder retorted, trying to get out of talking about his partner. "No honey, I don't swing that way, let me tell you, but thank you for offering," Brookdale laughed. She prepared herself for the most difficult part of any psychological conversation, "Truthfully now, how do you 'feel' about your partner Agent Mulder?" she cut right to the chase. "How do I 'feel' about her?" he asked, repeating the question. "I see you heard me correctly, now answer the question," Agent Brookdale pushed. Her patience was wearing quite thin. The truth had to come out, right here and now. "'Feel' huh? Well, I trust her more than anyone on earth and I would travel to the far reaches of the universe to save her," Mulder replied quietly. "In other words, you love her," she said, getting right to the point. The doctor in her tended to be very blunt in situations such as these. Tip-toeing around certain subjects drove her crazy. "I didn't say that," Mulder replied, with a hint of regret in his voice. "Is that so? Well it sure sounded like it to me. I mean, come on Mulder. Who in their right mind would practically sell their soul to the devil to find a cure for someone they didn't deeply care about? And who the hell would risk their own life by going to Antarctica to save someone that they could possibly live without? Damn it Mulder, wake up! She is the only person you care about. Admit how you feel already," Brookdale practically yelled. "That's not it at all and how the hell would you know anyway? You don't risk your life everyday. All you do is sit in this office and drill people about their 'feelings'. How could you possibly fathom the kind of trust that goes into a partnership?" Mulder shot back angrily. "What? Did I hit a nerve Agent Mulder? Do you see this ring? Not that you've ever noticed, but I've been happily married for six years. There is no one else I'd rather be with, but that kind of relationship takes just as much trust and respect. And for your information, Agent Mulder, I am a government certified FBI Agent. I have a badge and I carry a gun. I have great aim as well and I will shoot you if I feel necessary. So I don't suggest that you test me," Agent Brookdale ranted. Mulder just snorted and rolled his eyes. "Now, I don't know if you realize it, but you are in classic denial. It's textbook even. Maybe you've let it out to yourself, but you just can't tell her. Whatever, but it's written all over your face. You love her, now what's stopping you from telling her?" "Inter-office relationships are strictly forbidden in the FBI Liz, you know that. Why would I put anymore pressure on our relationship?" Mulder asked. "Ah, so you admit it," she prompted. He needed to say the words. His poor soul would not rest until he told somebody. "Ok, so what?" he replied sheepishly. "Say it," Brookdale ordered, crossing her arms like a scolding mother. "Say what?" he asked, an evil twinkle shown in his eye. He would not be defeated easily. "No games Mulder. Remember the gun? I am not in the mood. I'm going to ask you again and I want to hear you say the words. Are you in love with your partner Agent Dana Scully?" she asked sternly. "No, I'm not," Mulder stammered. "Mulder, stop cheating yourself, I can see it in your eyes. Now just admit it," Brookdale ordered. He lowered his head and stuttered, "Alright. I am. I am?" "Am in love," Liz guided. "I am in love?" Mulder said slowly. "With Scully," she finished for him. She practically force fed him the sentence. "With Scully," he repeated with another sigh. A look of relief swept over his face. The truth was finally out in the open. "Good for you Mulder. Admitting your love is the first step," Brookdale announced proudly. She beamed as if she personally had accomplished something. "Yeah, but how am I going to tell her. I mean with the policy and all?" Mulder asked with boyish uncertainty. "Jesus Mulder, you break every other rule in the damn book and that one isn't even taken seriously. What the hell is wrong with you?" she replied in disgust. "Yeah, but?" Mulder started. "Yeah, but what? What if she doesn't feel the same way? This is funny. The great Fox Mulder afraid of rejection from his partner of six years, who everyone knows loves him. Geez Mulder, how naive. Moving on, have you ever tried to tell her?" Brookdale tried to reassured him. "Tell her that I love her? No, not really. I mean, the closest I ever came was when I tried to convince her not to quit. I told her that she made me a whole person and that I couldn't keep doing what I do alone. I guess that was something," Mulder told her. He was now sitting upright on the couch, looking quite serious. Brookdale couldn't help but smile at the transformed little puppy dog in front of her. "Well, that's a start. Still a little selfish, but we'll take what we can get. Ok, so you didn't tell her that you love her, but you did tell her that you needed her, sort of. That's definitely good. Ok, after you told her, then what happened," she interpreted. "Well then she started to cry?" he began. "That's a good sign," she interjected, trying to instill a little more confidence in the pathetically lost little boy. "Ok, then she hugged me and I held her tightly. She pulled back a little and kissed my forehead. She rested her forehead against mine and tried to say something, but couldn't. Then I made my move," Mulder explain rather sheepishly. "Made your move?" she asked, thoroughly surprised. This conversation reminder her of a fourteen year old whose just gone on is first date. "Well, yeah. I sort of pulled back and then leaned in to kiss her," he replied. "You what?" Brookdale asked incredulously. Her whole demeanor had changed. She had now focused all attention on the subject in front of her. Needless to say, her interest had been caught. "Yeah, I leaned into kiss her and she leaned in as well. Her lips brushed up against mine and then?" he paused. "And then what?" she inquired eagerly. She was literally on the edge of her seat. "And then this bee stung her, she passed out, contracted a virus, ended up in Antarctica and that was the end of it," Mulder replied sadly. "Have you two talked about what happened?" she asked, knowing full well that they hadn't. "No, not really. I mean not to the extent that we should have," he answered, looking at his feet. "Ok, well, there'll be a time and a place," Brookdale reassured him. "For now, it was a good thing that you recognize your feelings. As I said before, that's the first step. Do you feel a little better now?" "'Do I feel better now?' Gee Lizzy, where did you pull that original line form?" Mulder asked cynically, returning to form. "Apparently you do. Well, I guess that's all I can do with you. I have to cut this short because one of us was late. You'll be happy to know though, that you passed your annual psychological evaluation with flying colors," Brookdale announced, rising from her seat. "Well, thank you. It is nice to know that I am considered sane by at least someone," Mulder replied, heading toward the door. "You're welcome, but I think you should get this resolved Agent Mulder. And the sooner the better. If you'd like to talk some more, you know where to find me," she told him while holding open the door to her office. He just nodded diligently and exited her office, deep in thought. *************************************** "The door's open," Brookdale answered the soft knock at her door. She glanced quickly at her watch, which read eleven o'clock. "Is this a good time?" Agent Scully asked as she opened the door a little. "Of course, please come on in," Brookdale replied, motioning with her hand. She put away the file she was reading and folder her hands on her desk. "What can I do for you?" Scully chose a chair instead of the couch and said, "Well, can you make this as painless as possible?" "I'll see what I can do? So, how's your mom?" Brookdale reassured her. "Mom's great and I'm sure she'd send her regards," she answered, becoming less uncomfortable. "That's good to hear. I just love your mom. She's such a crack up," Brookdale said, remembering the time after graduation from the academy that she had dinner with the Scully's. "She wants to have dinner again sometime. She wants to see Mark too. How's he doing with his new job by the way?" Scully inquired. Brookdale's husband was quite a friendly guy and had made a lasting impression in Scully's mind. "Mark's doing great and love's being a DA. He's swears he's single handedly cleaning up the streets of Washington. I told him that was our job. He still wants me to take his last name though. But come on, can you see me as 'Liz Richardson'?" she informed Scully. "No, not really. It's just not? you," Scully replied with a chuckle. "That's what I said, but he's just relentless. So, will you be changing your last name any time soon?" she redirected the conversation. "Excuse me? Come on Liz, you know I have no social life," she answered. "Who says you need one. Anyway, how's Mulder after our little discussion this morning?" Brookdale asked, trying to hint as something. "He's fine? Oh no, I know where you're going with this and it's not going to happen," Scully stated firmly. "What did I say? I merely asked how your partner was doing. How is that a crime?" she said innocently. "Right, that's it. I'm not stupid. I know what all of you think. I am not in any way involved with Mulder," Scully set the record straight. "Well, why the hell not?" Brookdale inquired. She didn't think it would be this easy to get Scully to talk about her partner. Everything was falling into place quite nicely. "Because he's Mulder," she shot back rather weakly. "What's wrong with Mulder?" Brookdale questioned. "Everything's wrong with Mulder. He's always late. He always tells me I'm wrong. He eats those damn sunflower seeds and gets the shells everywhere. He constantly ditches me to run off on some crazy hunch of his. He sleeps on a couch. He wakes me up at four in the morning to drag me off to some ungodly place. He has this obsession with naked women. And he drives me insane with his stupid sarcastic and flirtatious comments," Scully notified her. "Oh gee, is that all. If he's that bad, why are you still his partner? I mean, they're constantly trying to split you up. Why don't you let them?" she asked in an exasperated tone. "Well, I? I?uh? I really don't know why. I, uh, I'd miss him. I guess I've just gotten used to him," Scully answered, rather perplexed at her response. "Gotten used to him or fallen in love with him," Brookdale prompted. It was time to go in for the kill while the prey was still vulnerable. She knew a lot about the human psyche, which was the main reason she was so good at her job. "No, no that's?that's not?I, I, uh," she stammered. She finally just gave up trying to speak and looked at the beaming woman across from her. "Mmm hmm, yeah, I hear you," she replied, trying desperately to hold in her laugh. "No, that's not it, I swear," Scully said unconvincingly. "What's not it? You don't love him?" Brookdale tried to get some kind of response out of her. "I just? truthfully, I just don't know anymore Liz," she answered as she looked away. "Dana I know this has got to be confusing for you, especially considering everything you two have been through. But I think it's time that you came to terms with your feelings," she responded, reaching into her bag of psychologist's tricks. "I knew that was coming. I thought you wouldn't play psychologist today?" Scully stated. "First of all, I said 'no baggage', not 'no feelings whatsoever'. Second of all, as a friend, I can see this has been eating at you. You need to figure this out Dana, for your own good. You feel how you feel and no one has the authority to tell you how to do that," Brookdale consoled a very torn Scully. "You're right. Of course you are right, you always seem to be right," she muttered. "Exactly, now, how do you really feel about your partner Dana?" she asked straight out. It seemed to her that getting Mr. and Mrs. Spooky to talk about their real feelings was harder than trying to get a cow to produce green milk. "I'm telling you, I just don't know," Scully replied with a sigh. "Ok, well, we'll start off small. Do you consider Mulder to be your friend?" she questioned. "Yes. Right now Mulder is my best friend," Scully stated. "Alright that's a very good start. Now, do you care about what happens to Mulder?" Brookdale continued. "Very much so. I worry about him when he runs off," she said. "Good, you're doing very well. Do you sometimes feel the need to take care of him even though you know he's a grown man and has made it alone this far?" Brookdale proceeded. "On occasion, especially when he's hurt or in the hospital," Scully answered. "Which seems to be all the time, but let's move on. You have said that he is your best friend and you both care for him and worry about him, right?" she related back and Scully just folder her hands and nodded. "Ok, well then it's safe to say that you love him as a friend, is it not?" "Yes, you could say that," Scully replied hesitantly. "Alright, well, you love him as just a friend, but you aren't quite sure if you are in love with him, correct?" she stated. Again, Scully just sighed and nodded. This seemed to be a painful experience for her, but it needed to be done. "Well then, let's examine the quote 'signs of love' shall we? Are you sure you are ready for this?" "Yeah, let 'em rip," Scully reassured her. "Ok, here we go. Do you think about him all the time? I'm not talking about the times when he's in danger or in your dreams because frankly, I'm not that kind of psychologist. What I'm talking about is the times that you are just watching TV in your apartment or are eating dinner or whatever. Do you wish that he was there when you are alone?" Brookdale persevered relentlessly. "When I'm all alone in my apartment, I do wish he was there," she confirmed. "Now, what makes you feel like you want him there?" she pressed. "I'm not sure. I think I just feel safer with him there. Not for my protection or anything, but just to know that he's alright. Sometimes I wish he'd just hug me like he did when I had my cancer. It was comforting. I loved feeling close to him. I loved his warmth and his smell. I think I just loved being near him," Scully proclaimed in a soft voice. Her gaze drifted to the walls of the office in a dreamlike state. "So we know that there is a clear physical attraction to the man. What else do you like about him?" Brookdale asked trying to help Scully recognize what every woman in the building could see with one glance at the two of them. "I don't know. He's quick witted, although that gets old. He's goal oriented, but his goal is pretty far out there. He's sweet sometimes. He brought me flowers in the hospital numerous amounts of times. I appreciate how he always puts my health and safety above his own. I like the way he looks at me with those mysterious eyes of his. And I always loved the way he'd touch my back or my shoulder to lead me through a door. I love how he used to take my hand when I needed reassurance. My heart skips a beat every once in a while. Sometimes it's from a mere smile or a brush against his arm or just a friendly pat on the back. Sometimes I wish?," she stopped herself as she came back to reality. "You wish what? Finish your thought, you were doing so well," Brookdale probed. "Sometimes I guess I wish that I could just fall asleep in his arms," she replied, rather sheepishly. "Damn, you are repressing this. Come on Dana, you know and I know that you know. You are in love with the boy. Everybody can see it. The way you two look at each other could start a fire. You just need to admit it to yourself," she professed. Scully took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. She finally looked back at Brookdale and proclaimed, "You're right. I've tried to hide it from myself and everyone else, but it just hasn't worked. I'm in love with Mulder. There, I said it. I am in love with him." Brookdale nearly leapt from her seat. She controlled herself long enough to say, "Good for you. Very good. Very, very good. Aren't you relieved that it's all out?" "To a degree, but what now?" Scully answered. "Now it'll all fall into place. Listen, I hate to leave you hanging like this, but I need to run. I have an important meeting in ten minutes," Brookdale stated, looking at her watch. "How about we finish this up at three o'clock. Is that good for you?" "Uh, sure, three o'clock should be fine. Thank you Liz. I really appreciate all that you've done for me now and in the past," Scully said sincerely as she rose to leave. "Anytime Dana. That's what friends are for," Brookdale replied with a smile. She gave Scully a friendly hug as she showed her to the door. Brookdale grabbed the phone as Scully closed the door behind her. She dialed and waited impatiently for an answer. After three rings there was an answer, "Mulder." "Agent Mulder, this is Liz Brookdale. I have something for you to sign, but I won't be in my office until around three. Is that a good time?" Brookdale asked. "Uh, yeah sure, three is good," he replied. "Great, thank you," she concluded and hug up. She could hardly conceal her excitement and a broad smile crept to her lips. ***************************** Brookdale gathered her things and walked into the observation room that connected to her office. It was just a little room behind a small mirror in the corner of her office. It was used for evaluations and activities of that sort. She wanted to be close to the upcoming event, but knew that this was between them. She got giddy just thinking about it. Scully knocked on the Doctor's door. It was partially ajar, so she stepped inside. Seeing no one, she just shrugged and took a seat. Minutes later Mulder knocked on the same door and opened it without hesitation, "What is it now Lizzy?" his voice trailed off as he realized that he was alone in the room with Scully. "Mulder, what are you doing here?" she asked, clearly puzzled. "Liz said she had something for me to sign. What are you doing here?" he answered taking a seat next to her. "Um, I had an appointment with her," she replied as she realized that Agent Brookdale would not be attending this meeting. She glanced at Mulder and saw that he too had come to the same realization. "We have to?" they both started. They smiled and tried again, "I need to tell?" "You first," the proclaimed in unison. A nervous chuckle came from Mulder and he took Scully's hand, "Me first. There's something that we've needed to talk about for a long time." "I know," Scully cut in. Mulder smiled and put his finger to her lips. She was about to protest but saw the look in his eyes and decided against it. "Shh, don't say anything. It's my turn. There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time." Liz Brookdale giggled as she took another bite of her apple. She hated to snoop on this extremely private moment, but it was her office and she was interested. She rationalized her eavesdropping by promising herself that she'd turn away if they kissed. Of all the places to profess their love, her office was one of the least romantic. It would have to do though, because she was not letting them out of the room until everything was out in the open. She silently patted herself on the back for a her ingenious idea. Not that any of it was her doing, but she felt proud for being the one to break down the walls. She turned her attention back to the couple in her office and were delighted to find that they were both smiling. Mulder gently pulled Scully out of her chair and wrapped his arms around her. Brookdale covered her eyes with her hands, knowing what was to follow. The suspense killed her and she couldn't resist sneaking a peak. She let loose a little squeal of excitement as they shared their first kiss with her. Completely satisfied with her little accomplishment, she grabbed her apple and her keys and headed out the door that connects to the hallway. She took the elevator down to the parking garage because they needed their privacy and she didn't know when she'd be getting her office back. She happily hopped in her car and sang along with Shania Twain as she drove to surprise her husband. It was all in a day's work for Special Agent Dr. Brookdale of the FBI.