From: paperheart@webtv.net (Anna Chait)
Date: Fri, 19 Sep 1997 03:56:31 -0700
Subject: Fwd: The First Time Ever I...(1/3)

The First Time Ever I.... (1 / 3)
Anna Chait
paperheart@webtv.net
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Category: V, R, H, A (mostly MSR)
Spoilers: Unruhe
Keywords: MSR
Summary: It's 500 miles from DC to Chilmark Mass.
A long time in the car with plenty of time for some 
fun and a flashback or two during a road trip to see 
Mulder's mom. Romance!  

PLEASE POST TO GOSSAMER, AND ANY OTHER ARCHIVE 
OR MAILING LIST.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully are not my creations. 
They belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and Fox.  No 
copyright infringement is intended.  Credit is given 
to Ewan McColl and Stormking Music for the lyric to 
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

You must, you simply must tell me what you think of 
my story.  Feedback is like chocolate, you can never 
get enough.  paperheart@webtv.net

***************************

The First Time Ever I.... (1 of 3)
by Anna Chait

It's five hundred miles from Washington DC to 
Chilmark, Massachusetts.  At 70 miles an hour, the 
speed at which Mulder usually traveled, it would take 
7 hours.  That's if you took out rush hour traffic, 
road repair delays and New York City.  Oh, and all 
the toll roads,  bathroom breaks, and meals.  And 
don't forget the ferry ride from the Wood's Hole to 
Oak Bluffs on the Island of Martha's Vineyard, and 
the short ride of Chilmark.  Realistically, he 
thought, it took more like 9 or 10 hours.  A whole 
day.  Surely she would rather fly.  Where was the 
practical, efficient Agent Dr. Dana Scully today?  

The sun was at that awkward place in the sky, 
effectively blotting out his view of the road ahead 
and his sunglasses were providing no relief at all.  
He looked over at the sleeping woman in the seat next 
to him and considered punching her.  It had been her 
idea to drive to Chilmark and back.  

"It's such a great time of year for a long drive," 
she argued.  He watched her suspiciously from the 
other side of the room while she leaned back in her 
swivel chair, closed her eyes and raised her hands to 
her head. weaving her fingers through her hair.  
Suspicion turned to fascination when he saw the look 
of content mixed with pleasure cross her face before 
she continued.  "We can ride with the windows down 
and the wind in our hair.  I'll pack us a picnic for 
the way up...come on Mulder.  We're on vacation, not 
in a hurry to do anything.  It'll be fun."

She was good at wheedling, and she was making a 
pretty good case, but he held out hoping for more 
promises.  It had worked, too.  She got out of her 
chair, slowly walked up behind him and snaked her 
arms around his neck.  She leaned her cheek against 
his, her breath warm and moist against his face.

"I promise I'll make it worth your while...Fox,"  she 
whispered as her teeth slipped around his earlobe, 
letting it slide through her pretty pearly whites 
before kissing that sensitive place just below his 
ear.  That place that made his eyes close and his 
fists clench.  She used his first name, knowing how 
much he liked it when she did.  It wasn't so much 
what she said, but how she said it.  And it was 
sooooo seductive when she did.

"You know, Agent Sc...Scully," he said faltering when 
she continued placing little kisses up and down his 
neck.  "Blackmail is a crime."

"Oh, blackmail is such an ugly word Agent Mulder.    
I'm thinking more along the lines of a fair 
trade....you agree to drive to Chilmark, I'll give 
you something in return."  

As she spoke her hand reached around him and loosened 
his tie, then undid the button at his collar.  Before 
she could continue he reached up and stilled her 
hands regretfully.

"Okay, Dana.  Turn it down, I'll do it." he said 
nervously.  No other woman in his life had ever 
displayed the incredible ability to completely 
enflame his entire body like she did, so effortlessly 
with a few well placed words in his ear.  Sometimes 
with only a look she could drop him where he stood 
most days;  her eyes would go from bright blue to 
smokey in an instant, pheromones would fly from her 
body, rushing at him until every muscle in his body 
would draw tight....inappropriately  so for the office.  

They would be taking a week off, together.  Something 
they never did before.  But now they were involved 
with each other emotionally.  They were close to some 
life altering decisions and Mulder had decided it was 
time he spoke to his mother.  He had every intention 
of marrying Dana Scully.  In fact there was little 
that could make him stray from that course now.  She 
was his life and his love,  his reason for going on 
each day.   She was his eternal soulmate and when he 
figured that out, everything changed.   He didn't 
change, but things around him changed.  He loved Dana 
Scully so much it could hurt him; physically 
sometimes.  In the three months they had been 
together (not including the five years they had been 
partners), he slept better, ate better; his life was 
full of light now.  Her presence in his heart lifted 
the darkness from his mind.  Conspiracy still made 
it's malevolent presence known, but he could now see 
the good things in his life; things it had never 
occurred to him he might have or feel until now.

She had packed that picnic and they had enjoyed it on 
the Jersey shore.  A short side trip had placed them 
in Cape May and they had spent a pleasurable couple 
of hours eating and necking like teenagers on a 
blanket in the sand.  Laughter, uncontrolled 
laughter, was something he'd missed in his life.  
Laughter had left the Mulder household on November 
27, 1973.  

"Does that make any kind of sense to you?" he asked 
as he waited for her to pick up the basket from the 
blanket.  When she was a safe distance away, he shook 
out the sand and rolled it up.

"What, that you should feel guilty about feeling 
happy?"  

She took his arm as they walked back to the car.  For 
a change, he seemed relaxed and happy,   His hair was 
blown across his forehead and the afternoon sun 
glittered off his sunglasses.  In place of his usual 
uniform were jeans and a white polo shirt.  She 
thought he'd never looked more wonderful.

"It's no secret to me why you chose to study 
psychology, you know.  You probably needed that 
education just to figure out your dysfunctional 
family.  Come on handsome, we have a way to go yet."

Once back on the road with Scully at the wheel he 
pursued an answer to his question.  "So, what do you 
think about that?"

She briefly turned to look at him.  Surely he had 
worked this all out in his mind for himself.  

"I think it was perfectly natural.  You were a kid, 
Mulder.  Your feelings are just your feelings and you 
needed to feel them."  Every time they spoke about 
his childhood her heart broke for him.  She only 
hoped that when they got to Chilmark she could fight 
down the urge to deck his mother.  He carried so many 
scars in his heart from his childhood she wasn't sure 
where to start to begin to help him heal.  Maybe 
that's why she was so convinced about what a 
wonderful father he would make.  He would want to be 
the kind of father he never had.  He wasn't so sure, 
but she was, and she often told him so.

"And just how can you be so positive about that?   
The Mulders could have been the poster family for 
dysfuntionality."

Not this branch of the Mulder family, she thought to 
herself.  Not while I live and breath.  

She knew he was watching her, waiting for her to say 
something.  She just smiled and winked at him.  "A 
woman just knows these things, Mulder."

"Right.....sterling scientific logic, Dr. Scully."   
His voice held a certain tone of serious sarcasm that 
she did not like.

"You doubt me?  You're the one who believes in ESP 
and psychic powers, aren't you?  Whose to say that 
female intuition is not the result of advanced 
development of heretofore unused portions of the 
brain?"

He laughed.  While changing the tone of their 
conversation she had also managed to get him to 
believe that maybe she was right.  "Oohhhh, I love it 
when you talk like that!" he said, shivering all 
over, humoring her.

"Well anyway, you won't convince me that we won't 
make good parents."

He looked at her and smiled, then leaned over in the 
seat and gently kissed her cheek, hoping not to 
distract her eyes from the road, but needing 
desperately to touch her at this moment.  

"You misunderstand me.  I believe you will make some 
lucky kid the best possible kind of mother.  Maybe 

not the cookie baking, June Cleaver kind of mom, but 
a mom who is emotionally available; someone who'll 
raise healthy, well adjusted kids.  You I have every 
confidence in.  It's me I doubt."

There it was again, her heart clenching and aching 
for him.  She took his hand, intertwining her fingers 
through his and bringing it to her cheek.

"You kill me when you say things like that.  It's 
astonishing to me that you lived beyond the age of 15 
sometimes.  You trust me don't you?  Then trust me 
now when I say that you have a kind and generous 
heart, Fox Mulder, and excellent instincts.    Our 
children will have the most wonderful father."

They had ridden for a while longer in silence, just 
enjoying the physical closeness and the comforting 
vision of the future Dana had painted for them.   
Although he had not formally asked and it wasn't 
something they had really sat down and discussed, 
they both knew that they were headed for a lifetime 
commitment.   

Mulder had taken over driving as the sun began to 
set.  Not counting the traffic jam around New York 
City, it had been a good day for them, and he was 
glad he had agreed to her driving plan.  They had 
precious little time to spend like this together, and 
they needed it.  She was always so much wiser than he 
was about these things.  Wise and brilliant and 
beautiful as well.  And she loved him.  Yes, it had 
been a good day.

(end of part 1 / 3)
**************************

The First Time Ever I.... (2 of 3)
by Anna Chait

It was dark now, and the open windows let in a warm 
summer breeze.  They were almost there, and Mulder 
looked again at her sleeping so peacefully beside 
him.  Even though the breeze was warm, Scully was 
covered in a blanket; she was always cold.  Her hair 
lifted occasionally  when the wind caught it.  They 
were on the back road to his mom's house; no other 
cars on the road.  It was quiet and still and very 
dark.  He'd seen scenes like this in old movies.  
Lovers in a car on a back road-giant tarantula lopes 
over the hill and.....no,  not that movie.  Wrong!  
He wiped that vision clean on his mental etch-a-
sketch.  It was the movie where the love between two 
people jumps off the screen at you, cleverly assisted 
by some wonderfully written pop song.

He leaned over and turned on the radio just to see 
what would happen.  In the movies some sappy song 
would be on and Scully would smile, then open her 
eyes and move effortlessly into his arms; the music 
would swell.....
 
The digital tuner stopped and the car was filled with 
noise.  Rap music.  Not at all what he had in mind.  
He quickly hit the scan button again and waited.  

"And now, for all you romantic minded folks out 
there, here's Roberta Flack and ...."

Oh, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, he whispered to 
the darkness.  The beginning was very quiet and he 
had to turn up the volume to hear it.  But he was rewarded.  Generously.

The first time ever I saw your face.
I thought the sun rose in your eyes,
An the moon and starts were the gift you gave.
To the dark and endless skies my love.
To the dark and the endless skies.

He remembered vividly the first time he saw her face.  
He was sorting through slides that day.  His back was 
to the door.  He'd known she was coming.  He recalled 
very little of what he said, but every detail about 
her.  The color of her hair and her eyes; the 
confidence with which she entered the room and 
extended her hand to him.   The only thing that 
betrayed her nervousness was the slight tremble in 
her upper lip when she smiled at him.  It wasn't the 
first time he had heard the name Dana Scully and he 
had expected someone different.

A medical doctor.  No doctor he ever saw looked like 
that, and damn few FBI agents.  Her face.....so many 
images of her face.  Big crystalline blue eyes, 
sometimes soft and trusting but more often suspicious 
and skeptical.  That eyebrow that moved up toward her 
hairline when she was questioning or disbelieving.  
The way she could purse those pouty lips at him, 
cross her arms over her chest and wait patiently 
while he shared his impossible theories.   Over the 
years those incredible good looks had been refined, 
changed but not ravaged by the passing of time.  Her 
skin was like porcelain, her face a little thinner, 
but still beautiful.

There were times when she had looked impossibly 
young.  With her hair in a ponytail, or tucked away 
behind an ear.   When he would knock on her hotel 
room door late at night and she would answer the door 
with her clean face, not a trace of makeup visible, 
those incredible blue eyes behind the lenses of her 
wire-frames.  She looked so young.  

It did seem as though the sun could rise in her eyes, 
and shed it's fresh new light on his life each day.  
He had a partner, someone with him in through 
dangerous pursuits.  The amazing thing was-- she 
went.  Willingly.  And the gift she gave him was her 
most precious trust.  First she trusted him with her 
life, then at last with her heart.  

The first time ever I kissed your mouth.
I felt the earth move in my hand.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love.
That was there at my command, my love.

The first time he had kissed her was after that case 
in...he couldn't remember the city, but he would 
never forget the case.  That twisted guy....what was 
his name?  Oh yeah, Gerald Schnause.  They had been 
called in on the case after a young woman had 
disappeared and her boyfriend murdered.  Shortly 
before the murder the woman had gone into a small 
drug store to have a passport photo take.  It was 
these photos that had drawn the most attention, and 
quickly became his focus.  They were strange 
pictures.  The owner of the drug store was clueless 
as to what they were or how they got that way.  It 
appeared that the woman was screaming and reaching 
out-and then the whole picture had been turned around 
in a swirling motion.  

He was perplexed.  He took the pictures back to the 
FBI lab in DC.  Scully had listened with her usual 
skepticism to his theory about psychic photography, 
how images of what the killer would do were being 
transferred onto undeveloped film.  Then she pursued 
a suspect through more conventional means.  And to 
her credit, it was Scully who stumbled onto Gerald 
Schnause.  

Gerald Schnause had a warped childhood, his sister 
had committed suicide and he'd taken a baseball bat 
to his father after learning of the sexual abuse his 
sister had been subjected to.   He believed all women 
suffered these horrible feelings because they were 
all abused, and he wanted to help them out by leaving 
them more or less unable to think, about anything 
including the pain of abuse.  He'd been performing  
lobotomies on his victims with an ice pick, leaving 
them vegetables, or dead.

But he was clever and he had escaped.  And  he went 
after Scully and nearly killed her.  He remembered 
how he felt seeing Scully's Explorer speed away from 
him, powerless to stop it.  He knew she'd been taken 
by Schnause the moment he'd seen the photograph come 
out of the camera in the drug store.  

He could still hear her screaming his name as he 
stood outside the motor home that Schnause had 
disguised and was holding her in.  After searching 
frantically for something to break the window so he 
could get in, he'd acted quickly, firing two rounds 
and watching this crazed man fall to the floor, his 
bizarre photographs scattered around his dead body.

He remembered looking around quickly taking note of 
his surroundings.  The motor home had been gutted and 
all the interior walls covered in some sort of 
insulation material, blocking all light.  In the 
center was a floor lamp and a dentist's chair, the 
one that had been removed from his father's dental 
office.  Next to it was a surgical tray, containing 
several scary looking objects, including an ice-pick.

The breath left his body as he saw Scully bound to 
that chair, looking more frightened than he had ever 
seen her.  Their eyes locked and held as he undid the 
duct tape that held her to the dentist's chair.  "Are 
you hurt?" he heard himself asking.

"No." she said softly, taking his outstretched hand 
and moving slowly to the door.  She'd left the 
vehicle, and sat in the car staring at her hands, 
rubbing her wrists.   She answered his questions, her 
voice barely above a whisper, then he  took her back 
to the hotel and waited while she showered.

"Would you like me to leave?" he asked, seated in a 
chair by the window.  He hoped he wasn't making her 
uncomfortable but she'd been so quiet and seemed to 
be much more upset that she was letting on.  He really didn't want to leave
her alone.

Her eyes pleaded with him.  He could see she was torn 
between not wanting to burden him with her emotions 
and wanting to jump into his embrace and begging to 
be held.  Strong and tough as nails his Scully.  

"I want.....will you stay until I fall asleep?"   she 
asked him, her eyes never wavering and her voice 
steady.  She asked so little of him.  Would he stay?  
He'd climb the pyramids for her.  He wanted to stay 
with her and hold her forever.  He wanted to remove 
her terrycloth robe and make love to her, make her 
body sing and relieve the incredible tension in his 
own....but he'd stay with her until she slept.  If 
she needed his presence in the room, he'd do it;  
he'd do whatever she asked.

The following day they went home.  He dropped her off 
and waited as she disappeared into her building.  
After worrying about her for hours, he called her 
several times.  When she didn't pick up and didn't 
return his call, he jumped in his car and headed for 
her place.  It took longer than usual.  It was 
raining.  Hard, and keeping him from Scully.  He 
tried her again with his cell phone, still no answer.

But she opened the door when he knocked.  She let him 
in and waited to hear what he wanted.  When he told 
her he knew she was upset and needed to talk to him, 
she refused.  He'd pressed, and she'd run out into 
the pouring rain. She tried to run away from him.  He 
yelled after her, and finally caught up to her, 
spinning her around to face him.  She was crying, 
rain mixing with her tears.

"Talk to me, Scully," he pleaded.  "You can tell me 
anything, you know you can."

"I was so scared.  He would have killed me, and I 
would never have been able to tell you...you would 
have never known how much I love you."

Her declaration had hit him full force with the power 
of an oncoming train, nearly knocking him over.  At 
last.  Dana Scully loves me.  And it was there in the 
pouring rain, the two of them crying like complete 
idiots, that he'd kissed her for the first time.  He 
picked her up off the ground, holding her close 
before setting her back on her feet.  When he kissed 
her, the world began to spin a little faster for him.  
Her lips trembled beneath his and their hearts 
hammered in their chests.

"I love you too, Scully.  For so long..." he managed 
to get out while still kissing her.  That kiss in the rain would stay in
his memory as one of the best 
moments of his life.  There would be many more 
special moments in their lives, but this one, this 
wonderful rainy kiss was like no other.

(end of part 2 / 3)
*****************************

The First Time Ever I.... (3 of 3)
by Anna Chait


The first time ever I lay with you.
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I knew our joy would fill the earth.
And last till the end of time my love.
And last till the end of time.

The gentle strains of the music continued to pull the 
memories through his mind.  He slowed the car, trying 
to keep his focus on the road ahead.  The first time 
with Scully...something he'd been giving thought to 
for years.  Well, not thought really.  She was always 
the woman in his fantasies.   Sometimes they started 
out with a tall blonde, or a voluptuous brunette.  
But it was always the diminutive redheads he ended 
up with, and usually she was wearing black lacy 
things, breathing heavily into his ear, sighing his 
name over and over.  

His memories of their first night were very clear.  
He pulled the car to the side of the road and closed 
his eyes, replaying that night in his mind.  Early 
spring, they were on assignment in Florida.  There 
was a wonderful dinner and a really good wine; music 
and warm breezes and one thing led to another....it 
was an incredible night.  Like no other in his 
experience.  He supposed now he had to admit that 
love and sex were an unbeatable combination.  Sex had 
always been pretty great, but sex with Scully had 
been...way over the top.  There was no basis for 
comparison in his experience.  He'd never felt this 
way in his 37 years.

"What are you doing?  Are you tired....do you want me 
to drive?"

Pulled away from his daydreaming, interrupted during 
one of the greatest sexual experiences of his life.  
Damn!  He opened his eyes and turned his head toward 
her.  "I'm sorry I woke you, I'm fine.  We're almost 
there."

She could see that there was something going on here, 
but she wasn't sure what.  She looked around outside, 
expecting to see a UFO landing in the darkness.  
Maybe another experience with lost time?  Then she 
looked at him again, sitting there with this silly 
grin on his face, head leaning on his hand looking at 
her like....what?

"Mulder, what are we doing sitting here in the dark 
listening to the radio?" 

He smiled at her seductively.   "This was your idea, 
remember.  The wind in your hair, all that stuff?  I 
was just listening to this Roberta Flack song---
remembering some things about you, about us.  And I 
felt the need to stop.  And while we're stopped, I 
think that there are some things we should talk 
about."

"In the middle of nowhere in complete darkness?" she 
asked, her voice raising considerably.

He nodded.  "Yep.  Before we go to talk to my mom, 
which is the reason for this trip as I'm sure you 
realized, I think we should get some things 
straightened out."

"Like?" 

He chewed his lip for a minute and lowered his eyes 
before proceeding.  "I love you Dana Scully.  I think 
you know that.  I know that I'm not what you would 
have chosen for yourself, but I do love you-even that 
seems inadequate to describe my feelings for you." 
He raised his gaze to meet hers, then continued.  "I 
want to marry you, Scully.  You will, won't you?"

She appeared momentarily stunned, then tilted her 
head and smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners, 
and reached up to cup his face in her hands.  "What a 
romantic fool you are, Mulder.  Sitting here in the 
dark listening to the radio, and a proposal thrown in 
on top.  I've completely underestimated you."

"I believe there is a proposal on the table?"  She 
was stalling...it never occurred to him that she 
might not want to get married.  But she'd talked 
about children.  He was going to throw up.

He looked as though he were holding his breath.  

"Of course I will, tonight if you like.  But don't 
you think we could get to your Mother's house before 
we plan a wedding?" she said, still smiling.

He kissed her, then pulled her into his arms.  

It's five hundred miles from DC to Chilmark, but the 
last five were the best.

(End of Story)

Author's note:  I know, I know.  You're thinking gee, 
she's an incredible mush.  You're right, I know 
you're right.  I can't help it.  Old movies and 
stuff, too many romance novels, Jane Eyre and 
Wuthering Heights (romance and tragedy, sniff!)  I 
love happy endings and a good love story is what I 
live for.  And these people need a good love story.  
E-mail me with your comments at paperheart@webtv.net.