From: Margi Kleinjan Subject: Forgiven Date sent: Sun, 22 Feb 1998 20:09:27 -0000 Title: Forgiven Author: Tatum Riley Rating: PG13 Classification: SRA Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance Summary: Plotless story with too much angst and not enough sex. (Hmm, gee, yeah, wonder how many people are gonna read this. Count them on one finger. And only cos Sculder reads them when she archives them. I think.) Disclaimer: They're not mine. Feedback: Yes please. Dedication: To HC, who was still spending ages on SM2TU2 when I first wrote this. Notes: This is a response the 'Goodbye Mrs Scully' challenge by Gertie. Not to give the plot away, or anything. I first wrote it *aaaages* ago (under the name of Margi Kleinjan) and it was quite basically extremely crap so I'm writing it again. *~*~*~*~* Forgiven By Tatum Riley *~*~*~*~* It was a clear, dark night, the stars hanging in the sky like a million watchful eyes. The heating system in Scully's car was completely buggared - her breath clouded out in grey swirls, her nose turned pink, and her fingers shook on the steering wheel. She finally stopped the engine of her car and took a deep breath before she climbed out. She started to cross the wide open oblong of grey tarmac and shadows towards her building. One of these shadows was a person - she accidentally bumped into him while her mind was elsewhere. "Sorry." She said, trying to see his face. She felt a steely hand on her elbow. "Excuse me." She said, trying to pass him, but his grip didn't loosen. "Hey!" She tried to reach for her gun but she felt him grab her other arm and she was unable to move. Before her mind fully processed the situation, the shadowy figure was dragging her off in the opposite direction to her building. "HELP!" She yelled. There was no-one around. She tried to kick at her captor with her heels, but nothing she did seemed to do any damage. She heard the grating noise of a van door being opened behind her. "HELP ME!" She called again, praying and praying that somebody would hear her. Anyone. As the years had gone by, Scully had become used to finding her life in danger, and every single time, Mulder had been there to help her. This time would be no different. He reached the van before the door was shut - her legs still hanging out in the cold. In true traditional style, Mulder managed to switch between being aggressive with her abductor, and then so gentle with her as he helped her to her feet again. "Are you okay Scully?" He asked, one hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine. Thanks, Mulder." But the van had got away. *~*~*~*~* The same thing happened the next night - a passing police car scaring the man in the van away just in time; and the next time, before Scully reached her car outside work. "We really have to stop meeting like this." She said to Mulder after he had shot at the man in the van. "You want me to take you home, Scully?" He asked, worried. "Thanks, but you really don't need to." "I want to." "Okay." She reluctantly agreed. *~*~*~*~* Scully lay in bed, her once peaceful sleep disturbed by visions of the days before. She was remembering the cold fingers holding her so tight as they tried to force her into the van..... And then Mulder was there, and she was okay again. She tossed and turned, her legs entangled in the infuriatingly close sheets, her hair sticking to her sweating back. She awoke, still with fear in her heart. She heard a noise and reached for her gun. It took a moment to remember that Mulder was staying over, to keep an eye on her. She remembered once again how he had held her, afterwards; she hated feeling so helpless but the feel of his arms around her was comforting. He stuck his head around the door. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine. I just woke up and heard a noise, that's all." "Sorry. I'll try to keep it down." He shut the door and Scully flopped back onto the bed, and tried to get to sleep. Mulder clambered back onto Scully's couch, pulling the itchy woollen blankets up over him. He was half asleep already, but he forced his eyes open. He was there to look after Scully, to make sure that whoever had tried to take her the other night would not succeed in taking her again. He knew that neither of them had shown just how scared they were by these incidents - the thought of losing each other was more chilling and dread-inducing than either of them had ever thought before. He held his gun in both hands, prepared to shoot anyone or anything who tried to hurt Scully in any way, and lay still and waited. In the darkness, he couldn't tell if his eyes were open or shut.... he could feel himself falling asleep despite himself. When he heard the click of Scully's bedroom door being opened, he knew he'd been sleeping. He sprung to his feet, silently, like a cat. Crossing to the bedroom, he peered in. A dark figure leant over the bed, casting dark shadows over Scully's pale face. Reaching out....... Mulder didn't think. He shot. Once. Twice. Three times. The figure keeled over, lying lifeless across Scully's awakening body. Scully woke up, her face shiny with sweat and her eyes hollow with fear. "What the hell is going on?" She asked, reaching out to the body on her bed. Mulder flicked the light on and Scully screamed. "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?!?!" "It's okay. You're safe." Mulder said, instinctively, but then Scully moved the body over, her mother's face stared blankly up, and Mulder felt the guilt and confusion wash over him. Scully opened her mouth to speak but the words were gone from her mind and the breath had left her body. "Oh my God." Mulder said softly, backing out of the room. Mulder found himself staring blankly at a wall. What had he done? The guilt and the excuses hit his brain - he had been protecting Scully - he didn't do it on purpose - he was sorry - - what good would any of these do? He had just killed Scully's mother. It sounded unreal in his head. He said it out loud. "I've just killed Scully's mother." "SHUT UP!!!" Scully yelled distraught from the bedroom. He hadn't realised he was speaking loud. There was a high pitched whistling in his ears. Scully couldn't feel her feet. Her mother was dead. Mulder had killed her. She jumped out of bed, grabbing her gun and marching into her living room. "You." She said, pointing her gun straight at Mulder. "I hate you." She spat the words out. Mulder raised his arms into the air. "You're not going to shoot me, Scully. Don't be stupid." The words sounded hollow and empty. She fired once, missing since her hands were so shaky. "Why shouldn't I shoot you? I'm not going to be happy while you're still alive." She started to pace towards him, now aiming her gun perfectly at his head. "I'll never ever forgive you. Bastard." Mulder ducked and the shot hit her wall again. "GET UP!" She yelled. "I'm going to kill you Mulder. I'm going to fucking kill you." On an impulse, she threw her gun at him. It caught the side of his head as he was trying to stand up, and he fell back down again. Scully was crying painfully as she proceeded to throw everything in her apartment at him. She smashed lamps and up-turned the couch over him, and brought down her book- shelf. "I hate you." She repeatedly yelled, trying to get rid of the aching grief which was tearing her apart. "Are you just gonna lie there and take it??!?!! Aren't you going to try to kill *me* too?!?!??!" Mulder was feigning unconsciousness. He wanted to be dead. He had just hurt the only person he had ever cared about, and he had hurt her in the worst possible way. He hoped Scully killed him. *~*~*~*~* "Agent Scully, I cannot offer enough sympathy at this difficult time." Skinner said. "And if you feel you need time off work, then you can take however much you need." "Thank-you sir, but I don't think that will be necessary." Scully paused. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out, sir?" "Agent Mulder." Scully coughed. "And did he.... did he tell you how it happened?" Skinner averted his eyes. "Agent Mulder has asked to be transferred to avoid any further distress to you and to your work." "Have you granted him a transference?" "I believe he's packing up his office now." "And where will I go, sir?" "It's been arranged that you will be reassigned. We're not sure where just yet, but we'll have found a place by tomorrow. Then you can just put the last five years behind you. I think it's the best option considering the situation." "Yes sir." Scully stood from the chair and walked to the door. When she was half way through, she turned back. "Where is Agent Mulder assigned now?" She asked. Skinner took a deep breath. "He requested that I withheld that information from you. I'm sorry." Scully nodded and was out of the door before Skinner called, "But if you go quickly, he might still be in the office." "Thank-you, sir." But Scully didn't quicken her pace. She reached the basement, and pushed open the door. The grey hole that greeted her was barely recognisable as the once-cluttered office she had got used to over the years. The first time she had walked down there seemed like a lifetime ago. She wandered around, unsure of her emotions about the situation. Predominantly she felt loss, and anger, and she missed her mother. Part of her wanted to find Mulder and shoot him right down dead without any further thought. But there was a tiny nagging part of her, which was longing to feel the comfort and support of Mulder's embrace. She wanted to hear him ask her if she was okay, and she wanted to be able to tell him for the sixty millionth time that she was fine. She ignored that tiny nagging part. The office was empty. The walls were stripped of posters and articles, and everything 'Mulder' that had ever been there. Except the desk; that remained. She opened up all the drawers, merely out of curiosity, she told herself. There was nothing left. The X Files was closed down, her parents and sister were dead - she had to start again. *~*~*~*~* Not for the first time during his car journey, Mulder considered taking his hands off the wheel and just ending it all. But he didn't go through with it. Something stopped him, every time he started to veer a little, his hands would be safely back on the wheel and he'd be fine again. He kept replaying the events over and over in his head. The most vivid feeling was when he remembered the hatred in Scully's voice. It haunted him every time he thought about her. He tuned the radio in to a station playing particularly obnoxious music and turned the volume up loud. *~*~*~*~* Scully was lying at home watching TV. She had faded out hours ago, but her eyes still followed the motions of the people on her TV set. She hugged Queequeg with one arm, the other scooping ice-cream out of a tub and into her mouth. Despite her attempts to ignore herself, she couldn't help wondering where Mulder was. He had been thrown out of her life just as quickly as she had been thrown into his. She fooled herself into thinking she was wondering out of pure curiosity - but in actuality she knew she missed him deeply. Her feelings hadn't changed, no matter what she told herself. She reached for her phone and dialled his cellphone number. One ring Two rings Three Four Five "Just three more." Scully whispered to herself. Six Seven Eight "Pick up, Mulder, for God's sake." Nine Ten Eleven rings, and Scully hung up........ ......just as Mulder located his phone and bleeped it on. "Hello?" He was greeted by the friendly dial tone. He blipped it off and threw it onto the seat next to him. Scully threw her phone down onto the carpet, only to have it retrieved by Queequeg. "What am I going to do?" She asked the friendly winking dog. Queequeg answered by leaving a little gift on her carpet and running off to the kitchen. *~*~*~*~* "Hello?" "Uh, hello, Mrs Mulder?" "Yes, who's speaking, please?" "It's Dana Scully." "Oh....." There was a pause. Scully held her breath. "I'm afraid I don't know where Fox is at the moment." "He told you to say that, didn't he?" There was a sigh. "Listen, he feels very bad, and he just wants to be left to get on with his work. I can't help you any further." "Can you give him a message?" "I can't guarantee he'll listen, but I'll try." "Thank-you." "What is the message?" There was silence. "Hello? Are you still there?" "Uh, yeah. Um, thanks anyway, but I think I'll leave the message for now. If that's okay. Just say I called." "I'll pass that on." Mrs Mulder said. *~*~*~*~* Scully arrived at her mother's funeral with her brothers, and barely said a word the whole time. She could feel her brother's resentment towards her. Even though they knew it wasn't really her fault, it was *her* apartment where it had happened, and it was *her* best friend who had pulled the trigger - not once, but three times - and it was Scully who had told the police it was an accident. "I can't believe you!" Bill exclaimed. "He fucking shot her while her back was turned - you can't say it was an *accident*." Scully felt too weak to argue. "He was looking after me. For all he knew I could have been facing sudden death in my sleep." "I suppose you're going to say it was Mom's fault for showing up in the middle of the night, hmm?" "It's nobody's fault. Mulder was just doing what he thought was best. If he'd killed the person who's been chasing me, you'd be praising him right about now." "But he didn't, did he? He just...." "I'm not going to argue. This isn't the time." "Fine. But I won't forgive you for letting him go free." Scully turned on her brother. "For Christ's sake, Bill, he's not *dangerous*. It's not like he's killed one and now he's out for more. I've put it behind me, now you have to too." *~*~*~*~* "I found myself defending him.... I don't know why." Scully's shrink nodded. "You've spent a lot of time with your partner over the last few years. Do you perhaps feel that you owe it to him to defend him?" "I don't know." "Have you spoken to Agent Mulder?" Scully shook her head. "He won't let me speak to him. I don't know where he is." "Well, I suggest that you either find Agent Mulder, or put him behind you completely. Which do you think you will do?" "Well, I tried to forget.... But how can I find him? He's told his mother not to tell me where he is, I don't know where else I can find him." "Doesn't anyone else know?" "Well.... there is one person." *~*~*~*~* "Agent Scully, I'm afraid that information is classified. Agent Mulder *specifically* told me to keep his whereabouts from you. I'm sorry, but I can't help you." Scully stared into Skinner's eyes, pleading. "I don't think you understand the... urgency... the *importance* of my request." "Sorry, Scully." She stared more, but it became obvious this wasn't going to work. She stood up, more angry than upset, and marched to the door. But as she reached it, she thought of an alternate. A plan She paused and undid the top two buttons of her blouse as she turned back into the room. Skinner had already begun to read through some old file or other, and didn't notice Scully until she was on the other side of his desk again. "It's *very* important to me." She whispered huskily, leaning across the desk. "I'll do anything to find out." She thought to herself, Skinner became obviously tense. "Agent Scully?" "*Anything*" She repeated provocatively, closing her fingers around Skinner's tie and drawing his face close to hers. She ran her tongue across her top lip, slowly, waiting for his answer. "Agent Scully, I *strongly* advise that you consider what you are doing." "I just want to know where he is." She breathed. It wasn't working. "Tell me where he is - and I'm yours." Kimberly chose that moment to walk in. "Excuse me!" She said, backing out of the room. Skinner broke free, and Scully was left kneeling on the desk, blushing the colour of blood, her eyes wet. She climbed down and buried her face in her hands as she sank back onto the chair. "One moment." He said, going out to explain things to Kimberly. "Oh this is *noooooot* good." Scully said to herself as she buttoned her blouse back up. When Skinner returned, it had all become too much for Scully and she didn't care about the tears which flowed down her cheeks. "Scully." She couldn't look him in the eye. "I'm so terribly sorry, sir." She said. "I can think of no conceivable reason why I would want to..... I mean, I don't know what I was doing. I'm sorry." "I realise that, Agent Scully." She looked up. "I understand that you're going through a very stressful time at the moment, and in the circumstances, I'm willing to forget that little incident." "Thank-you, sir." "You want to know where Agent Mulder is?" Scully bit her lip. "I wouldn't have..... I mean... yes. Please." Skinner sighed. "I probably shouldn't tell you, but what I have just witnessed, I have to put down as an act of desperation." He opened a desk drawer and shuffled through until he found a piece of paper. "This is where Mulder is staying. You can have it on one condition." "Uh..... okay." "I get to show the video at the staff party this Christmas." Skinner said, as he motioned up to the security camera in the corner of the room. Scully relaxed and managed a smile. "Okay, sir." "And you didn't get this address from me." *~*~*~*~* Mulder sat at his desk, staring out of the window over the bustling street below. There was a knock at his door. He dragged himself away from his thick piles of paperwork and went to answer it. He glanced through the peep hole and was surprised by who he saw. He opened the door. It was such a relief to see Scully's familiar features, even when they were contorted into an expression which simultaneously expressed alleviation, anger, sorrow, love....... Love? "Scully... I mean, Dana.... I mean, Scully.... What are you doing here?" She didn't say anything at first. Her arms were folded across her chest and Mulder could tell she was holding back tears. "Scully?" "How are you?" She asked sharply. "I'm... I'm fine. You?" "Oh, y'know. Broken families, bribery, abject humiliation. Not quite above par." "How did you get my address?" "That's where the bribery and abject humiliation come into it. I'll send you a copy of the tape." "Scully..." "You want to know why I'm here? Well, I'll tell you. First of all, you just up and left, you didn't say a word... you took *everything* from the office. Second of all, you tell your own mother to lie for you... and Skinner, I don't even want to *think* about Skinner. Third of all.... you just... deserted me right when I needed you the most." "As I remember, you were threatening to kill me last time we met. You don't need me around." One tiny silver tear snaked its way down Scully's cheek. "Mulder.... I do... Okay, so you did a really *really* stupid and hurtful thing. But you didn't do it on purpose. I was telling Bill, and then I realised why you were shooting." "I was stupid. I was *so* stupid." "Yes, but you were shooting because there was a strange person in my bedroom in the middle of the night. You didn't know she was going to be there. I don't know why she was. I never will." Scully's eyes stung and brimmed. "Do you want to come in?" Mulder asked, desperate to comfort her, but not knowing how. Scully nodded and wandered in. Mulder's new apartment looked more like a cheap motel room. It did appear to be just a main room and a bathroom, although Scully didn't want to ask. She sat on the bed and stared out of the window. "I'm really *really* sorry, Scully." She tried her hardest not to flinch when he rested his hand on her back. "Okay." She said. "What now?" "The people... the guy who was trying to get you... what happened?" It took Scully a moment to answer. She could tell that her voice would crack if she made a sound, and the only way to stop this was to get rid of the tears. "Nothing. Nothing's happened since." She answered in a small voice. She started to cry horribly, just a series of squeaks as she drew breathes and expelled tears. Mulder sat down onto the soft duvet next to Scully, still with her back to him, and he put his arm around her until she stopped crying. "I missed you." She said. "If you can believe that." "It's only been a week." "I know. But I need you... if I'm gonna get through this." Mulder found himself looking at Scully, while she looked back up at him, and he was wondering if the barrier between them had started to crumble. He wondered if Scully was thinking the same thing. And then she smiled. It wasn't one of her wonderfully dazzling, charismatic smiles which she rarely gave, but *always* to Mulder - However, it was enough to let Mulder know that he was forgiven. Except there was something different. Something which made Mulder want to act on the impulses he'd been hiding away for so long. There was something in Scully's smile which made him lean in and kiss her round red lips. And maybe it was the feel of Mulder's strong arms, holding her so close and safe, that felt so comforting and exciting all at the same time, that made Scully kiss Mulder back. And although deep down, they both knew there would never be a completely happy ending, they were satisfied enough to just live in the moment. --end-- Here are the three reasons why I am repulsed by my story: 1. I wrote it. Nuff said. 2. Very weak, highly unrealistic plotline, probably several plot-holes I am yet to notice 3. Complete anti-climax. As ever, it is written in my universe where Pendrell and Queequeg are alive, and there is a 24 hour Happy Days channel which is completely free of charge. "I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." -My absolute idol, Janeane Garofalo That is all!! Except: Feedback me please That's really all, folks. Tatum.