From: ZzariarazZ Date: 27 Jan 1999 23:46:06 GMT Subject: NEW- Freeze, 1/1 Title: Freeze Author: Jenna Caplan Rating: PG-13 Classification: VA Spoilers: Irresistible, Tithonus Disclaimer: Scully, Mulder, and all other characters you recognize belong to 1013 Productions and Fox. Sorry if this pisses you guys off, but if you sue, all you'll get is this and a surprisingly large movie ticket stub collection. Author's Note: Just read...don't even start to wonder where I'm coming from. **************** Freeze, 1/1 I love him. I realized this recently. I've loved him ever since he took my face in his hands and let me cry in his arms. I let go of something then, something that I'll never get back; but I'm not sure I want to. He melted some ice away from my soul, and the watery remains of my pride pooled at my feet, seeping out of my body and letting him in. The part of me that was lost was replaced with the wonderful wholeness and warmth of him. I was scared and shaking, and I wept; not because of what had happened to me, but because of the way he saw in my eyes what I wanted and held me in his arms, whispering into my hair. I ache terribly with a longing that bubbles in my throat, springs in my eyes; love trails its way down my cheeks in rivulets before dripping off of my face. My hands shake and I stare at them, wondering why they are still warm and soft when they should be dead by now. I should be dead. I would be, had it not been for him, a thousand times, a million times. And yet he held my hands in his recently and smiled at me, happy that I was alive and safe. I ached then, too, because I knew. I'm afraid. Afraid of the inevitable, that he will die and I'll be alone. Words spoken by someone I no longer recognize come back to haunt me: "Love lasts forever." It does. It will. I was sitting at home, eating a sandwich, when it hit me. I love him. I always have. The realization slammed through my brain like a locomotive, so jarring that I actually dropped the sandwich and gasped. The bread fell apart and I stared down at the chicken salad for three hours, wondering what to do. I knew what I should do. But for some reason, I was afraid that if I allowed myself to love him, he'd possess me. I got all scared and shaky and the breath went out of me in a rush, and I was frightened by my own thoughts. My mind screamed hoarsely at my legs, at my arms; but they were deaf. My fingers finally heard my mind and I reached for my phone, my finger- nails scrabbling on the hard polished surface of the wood tabletop before reaching it, picking it up, holding it to my ear. The dial tone hummed through my soul, reverbrating and bouncing around the walls of my heart. I dialed. The line connected, and his phone rang. The buzzing calmed me, and I burned with fear and anxiety during the endless pauses between rings. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. After an eternity I dropped the phone and wept. My tears soaked the sleeves that my head lay on top of, and I sobbed my sorrow with bitter wails. The words resounded through my head- *nothomenothomenothome* I dried my eyes and set my face in a still mask. And my soul began to freeze again. end 1/1 ************************* feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated at ZzariarazZ@aol.com