Date: Fri, 16 Jun 2000 14:01:47 -0700
Subject: xfc: "Frendship?" by Daleia
Source: xfc

Title: Friendship?
Author: Daleia
Feedback: yes, please, all feedback to, benemorel@hotmail.com
Classification: MSR
Rating: PG 13 I think but I'm not quite aware of US rating.
Summary: Scully takes some days off to think about her feelings about
Mulder.
Spoiler: "Millennium" "Triangle" "Biogenesis", "Fight the Future", "War
of the Coprophages", "Syzygy", "Fire". "Sein und Zeit" All the Samantha
file. Maybe some others.
Disclaimer: (big sigh) Noooooo, they don't belong to me! They belong to
Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox TV, Gillian Anderson and David
Duchovny.
Archive: Gossamer, Ephemeral, anywhere but please tell me first and keep
my name attached.

Author's Notes: Hi everybody!!! Please don't be too severe with me
because of the grammatical or writing mistakes because I'm French.
Anyway, I do hope it is proper enough to be understood!!!
I hope you'll enjoy it.
A very special thank you to Riva for Beta Reading.

Quotation: "I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is
to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who's already
naked."
"Maybe if it rains sleeping bags you'll get lucky."
Detour Season 5

*************************************
**********

Fox Mulder's Apartment:


The phone rung as soon as he entered his living room. Barely back from
the office, Mulder picked up the phone. 

It was Scully. She was phoning to tell him that she was taking a few days
off and that she would be back at the end of the week. She hung up the
phone before he could ask where she was going.

Mulder was surprised. He noticed she was kind of upset today. They hadn't
spoke a lot. He could tell she wasn't in the mood for conversation. He
didn't know what was bothering her. 
He was hurt that she didn't have shared her worries with him. He didn't
even bother ask her how she was feeling; he was sure of her answer. The
usual 'I'm fine'. 

How long did she say she'd be gone? A couple of days, she was going back
at the end of the week. He hoped she would feel better when she came
back. 

*************************************
**********


Charles Scully's residence:


Her younger brother was the only one that can help her with this.

Her mother wasn't neutral on the situation; Scully knew that she had a
great affection for Mulder. There were no way that she could go to speak
to Bill; he hated Mulder. 

So Charlie was the only one left she could go to. She hadn't spoken with
her younger brother in a long time; he wasn't often at home. As an
international reporter, he was often running around the world. One week
in Europe, the month after in Australia. Risking his life any time last
time he was in Kosovo. 

She was often afraid for him when he was in such countries, risking his
life for taking some photos she would see in magazines. She was lucky he
was at home now.

She pushed the doorbell and waited until he opened the door. She smiled
broadly when she saw him. They always had been very close during their
childhood and even if they weren't able to get together often they still
had great affection for each other. He greeted her with a big hug. 

"Hey Dana, you finally decided to accept my invitation?" he asked.

"Yeah, I needed to go to a calm place. Besides, I think you were going to
kidnap me if I didn't come here by myself."

Charles was laughing loud and clear. "Well, there are some possibilities.
I'm glad to see you here. According to Bill you need some R&R."

"I assume Bill told you Mulder was draining my life and that..."

"He had wasted your career, yes he already told me that."

"Charlie, please, don't tell me you feel the same as Bill."

"I thought you had a better opinion of your younger brother Dana. I've
never met him, how can I judge him?"

Scully sighed in relief, "Thanks, Charlie."

"But is it true?"

"What?"

"That he, and I quote Bill, 'ruined your career'?"

"No, it's not. Bill will never understand our relationship."

"Wow my, you have a relationship with Mulder?" he joked.

"Only a professional one. Or so I've thought..." She began the answer
full of the annoyance she used when someone was making jokes about her
relationship with Mulder. But the end of her answer was full of
uncertainty.

"Really? And that's why you need to come here and take a breather?"

"I need to think, Charlie."

"About him?"

"You're impossible, you know that?" she smiled.

"That's why you love me, isn't it Dana?"

"Yeah, maybe. Seriously, Charlie, I really need to think about it. I
don't know where I'm going with Mulder."

"You want me to help you or do you wanna be alone?"

"If I wanted to be alone, I wouldn't have come to your place."

"Okay, so?"

"I don't know where to begin."

"Do you love him?"

"I think so."

"You think? You're not sure?"

"I don't know...that's why it's so complicated."

"You always had difficulties opening your heart, haven't you?"

"I guess so, but I don't want to ruin all we've built between us. You
see, he is the best friend I have ever had. Our friendship is most
wonderful thing I have ever experienced. But I don't know if it's love or
just a true and deep friendship."

"Well, let's see. You just have to discover if it is friendship or love.
You should try making a kind of checklist about it; things that a friend
does and thinks, and things a lover does and thinks." Charlie gave her a
grin. "Let's start with friendship. Do you trust him?"

"Of course I trust him!"

"Then does he trust you?" She nodded her answer.

"Do you feel you need him beside you?" She nodded another time.

"Do you think he needs you as you need him?" Another positive nod.

"Well, if I remember well he saved your life and you saved his. These are
all very good points for friendship, but also for love. This isn't as
easy as I thought! What does a lover would do that a friend wouldn't? Ah
yes, I know. Dana, have you ever been jealous?"

"Yes, lots of times." She thought of Phoebe, Bambi, Angela, and of course
Diana. And how many others that she didn't know?

"Okay, so you were jealous and as I know you, I feel sorry for Mulder.
You're awful when you're jealous. So what else a friend wouldn't do that
a lover would? Yeah of course!" He looked at her mischievously, "Dana,
have you ever fantasized about him?" She blushed; he smiled and chuckled
a little.

"Well I take it it's a yes. Two points for love. Honestly, Dana do you
think you can be jealous and fantasize about one of your friends?"

She looked up at him, still blushing, and shook her head for the first
time.

"Let's continue. Have you ever wanted to touch him or kiss him?"

"Yes." She closed her eyes. Of course she did. Each time she saw him sad
about Samantha, when he lost his mother, and so many other times.

"Have you ever done it?"

"He kissed me for the New Year."

"Well Dana, be honest with me and above all, be honest with yourself. You
already know you love him. It's not an answer you've been looking for,
it's an encouragement, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You want me to tell you that you are in love with your partner. You want
someone else tell it to you in order to be truly sure of your feelings."

She closed her eyes again. Of course it was true, she should have known
that he would have guessed. Charlie knew her so well. She sighed and
opened her eyes to face him.

"So? Do you think that I love him?"

"I'm sure of that as mom is sure of that. Just as Bill, and unfortunately
for him, is sure of that, as Missy was sure, as...as anyone seeing you
would be sure. Shall I continue?"

"It won't be necessary, I think I understood."

"Then?"

"Then what?"

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't even know if he feels the same as I do."

"Oh come on Dana, of course you know he loves you! He went to the end of
earth to save you, he kissed you."

"He told me once he loved me."

"And you still wonder if he loves you even after he told you?" he said
shaking his head.

"He was drugged with medicines."

"I dare you to go back D.C. tomorrow and to tell him what you feel for
him."

"Easier to say it than to do it."

"You chicken! If you don't I *will* and I'm sure you'd prefer doing it by
yourself."

"Yeah." 

Charles smiled, no one knew his sister better than him...well maybe
Mulder now. He knew how to make her react.

"Hey Dana, can you imagine Bill's face when he finds out?" Charles said
chuckling.

*************************************
**********

Fox Mulder's apartment
The day after, 7:00pm.


He heard a knock on his door and stood up from the couch where he had
been watching basketball game. (Who can it be at this hour?) He opened
the door and he felt a surge of love and surprise in his heart. He
couldn't help but smiling.

"Scully? I thought you were on vacation?"

"I was. But it's over now. I only needed to think about a few things. May
I come in?"

He let her in. She was nervous but there was something different than
when she left the office the other day. Her eyes were, well, soft. She
seemed to have found a kind of peace with the worries he saw in her.

She was standing in front of his window searching for courage to speak
with him.

"Mulder, we need to talk."

"Of course, come here." He gestured her to come and sit beside him on the
couch. She seemed to weigh the pros and cons during a few moments, and
then she sat near him.

"Mulder, when I left it was because I needed to think about something
very important for my future. Something I've hidden and refused to face
for too much time now. I know that what I'm going to tell you is going to
change not only my life but yours too. I have been chicken for too long
now."

"Scully, I..."

"Please, Mulder let me finish. It was something that I refused not only
because I was scared, but also because I was unsure. Now I'm sure of it
and I can't manage hiding it anymore."

"So important that you came back from your vacations to tell me? Scully,
don't tell me your leaving, please."

"Mulder I asked you not to interrupt me." She smiled, "No I'm not
leaving. I'm here to talk about something that sank between us for months
now, maybe years, and that we've been too chicken to accept. I think we
played enough with it, Mulder and I can't go on with the game. We're
adults aren't we?" He nodded. She took a deep breath and then looked at
him smiling.

"Mulder, I came here because my brother dared me to tell you something."

"About what?"

"About what I found during my vacation at his place."

"You were at Bill's?"

"I was at Charles' place, Mulder." He felt better. But what was she
speaking about? She wasn't speaking about their feeling, was she?

"I spoke with Charles about us, and he told me something that as I told
you I was hiding and refusing. Something I've hidden in the deepest part
of my heart."

Mulder began to feel really better. "And?"

"And he made me realized that I can't hide it anymore."

"What can't you hide anymore?"

"Because I need you, and above all the fact that I love you."

Mulder smiled broadly. She told him she loved him!!! He took her hand and
squeezed it as if to encourage her to go on. "Why did you refuse it,
Scully?"

"Because I thought it wasn't reciprocal. Because I was scared of losing
your friendship if you didn't feel the same."

"Your brother was right, Scully, it *is* reciprocal. And you'll never
lose my friendship, even if I'm deeply in love with you, because you're
still my best friend."

"Really, Mulder?"

"Do you want me to prove it?" he teased her.

"Yeah, I think I need more evidence." She told him taking her best FBI
Special Agent look.

"Come here."

He pulled her against him, and held her tightly. Then he began caressing
her back and then his hands stroked her hair. He felt her hands on his
neck and on his back. Then suddenly his lips were on hers. It was much
better than the kiss they shared for the New Year. This one was full of
passion and love. True love, no longer hidden. He suddenly noticed they
had deepened the kiss but he didn't remember who had started it. He found
himself laying on over her on his couch. His shirt was off, her blouse
too. He stopped.

"Mulder?"

"I want to see you."

She smiled seeing him staring at her. He was mesmerized by her. She
laughed and suddenly she leaned to him and ask seductively, "You like
what you're seeing?"

"Much more than I ever dream."

He pulled her against him wanting to carry her to his bedroom. He began
to chuckle.

Scully looked up at him questioning, "What is it, Mulder?"

"Nothing, it's just, it feels so weird."

"Thanks!"

"Sorry, I mean, I never expected you to come to my place and tell me
those things."

She smiled and added. "There're lots of things you have to learn about
me, Mulder".

He lifted her and carried her in his room. "I'm gonna start now. I want
to know everything about you, Dana."

*************************************
********

The morning after

Mulder woke up before her, as usual. 

She was there. It wasn't a dream. 

She was really laying in his bed, naked. They made love that night. She
was sleeping, her head resting on his chest, her arms around his waist.
He looked at her and put his arm around her possessively. (She is mine,)
he thought, (and I'm hers.) He kissed her forehead. (Why had we waited so
long?) He smiled, (Chicken, she had said we were chicken.) 

Scully was awake, but feeling Mulder so close to her was so good that she
preferred to stay motionless and savor the moment. She felt him moving
and kissing her forehead. She smiled. He felt her smile against his
chest.

"You awake?"

"Mmm-mmm."

"Had a good night?" he whispered in her ear.

"The best I have ever had, Mulder."

"Glad to hear it." He told her with relief.

She looked up at him her eyebrow raised in concern. "Mulder? You seemed
to be relieved, were you afraid?"

"I was afraid you'd say it was a mistake and that you'd regret it."

"Never, Mulder, the only thing I could regret is having waiting for so
long."

He kissed her and when he broke the kiss he looked at her intensely.
"Scully,...my Scully. I still can't believe it."

She laughed. "Usually, it's me that doesn't believe, Mulder. Trust me
partner, I do love you, and it's forever."

"Forever, Scully?"

"Yes, Mulder true love and true friendship, forever."


~FIN~