From: Charity Harvill Date: Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:18:19 -0700 (PDT) Subject: "Full Circle" by CB Files Source: direct TITLE: Full Circle AUTHOR: CB Files (aka charvill) SUMMARY: Jerse is back SPOILERS: This is set post-IWTB so anything is fair game TYPE: MSR, angst I made an attempt to laugh at the ruddy-faced man, fifteen years my senior, as he joked about a recent mishap in the prosthetics wing of the hospital, but the amount of alcohol in everyone's bloodstream tonight made my social awkwardness less noticeable. A warm hand wrapped around mine, squeezing lightly, reminding me I wasn't in this alone. I let out a heavy sigh of contentment and glanced sideways at the hazel eyes, crinkled around the edges as he grinned at me. "See what you woulda been missing if you hadn't decided to take a dip in the social pool tonight, Scully?" "You're loving every second of this, aren't you?" He leaned back against the leather booth letting his arm fall around my shoulders and pulled me tightly to his side. The heat mixed with the fragrant smell of amaretto on his breath raised my arousal level to new heights. "Finally getting to be the trophy whatever," he gestured with one hand to dismiss the uncertain term, "and put on a little PDA without looking over my shoulder. Why wouldn't I love it?" The group of doctors sitting with us ordered another round of Guinness while I sipped on my glass (still half full) of merlot. Tonight was a celebration of a patient who was finally given a clean bill of health after fighting with terminal brain cancer the past 7 months. When I called home to tell Mulder he insisted that I should go and, not wanting to face these people outside of work alone, agreed to be my date. I mean, after all, we were living together and he was a free man now. This was the first time since we got back from the South Pacific two months ago that we had gone on what anyone might call a date. He and I had both had much to catch up on at work. Me with my new position at a hospital in Baltimore while he was working on a novel about the Gunmen. We had moved a couple of months after the incident that made Mulder free again. Once we finally settled into our new digs in a suburb just minutes from my mother, we left for Fiji. Mulder listened with what seemed like focused intent as he laughed heartily in all the right places at the men's (since I was one of just two women there) jokes, but his wandering hands beneath the table told me where his mind really was. Another twenty minutes passed and a couple of the doctors excused themselves to the men's room (five pints tend to have that effect on the body), Mulder joining them. Gayle and I were quietly discussing what we would be doing with our 72 hours off when I heard the bell chime loudly as a new customer entered the Irish pub. It was raining harder outside now, I could tell by the puddle that spread around the man's feet onto the green stained-concrete floor. An odd feeling of recognition passed over me as I stared at his longish black hair, peppered ever so slightly with grays as it dripped down the back of his black leather jacket. "Charles and I will be traveling up to Pennsylvania to visit his mother. She's been doing much better since her heart surgery last year, and...Oh my goodness, has it really been a year?" "Time flies," I said, half-interested as I tried to place where I might know the man from. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end since I seriously doubted anyone I knew would show up at O'Toole's on a random Tuesday night in Baltimore. What if this was one of Them? The man ordered something from the bar which was on the opposite side of the room from our booth so my line of vision was hindered greatly. I shook my head trying to jar the panic that had foolishly built in my chest when I heard a voice call my name, "Dana?" I turned my head slowly as Gayle broke off mid- sentence. The black hair clung in wet strands to his chiseled cheekbones, his breath coming in strained gasps as he nervously approached our table. His blue eyes had turned a much dimmer shade over the decade since I'd last seen them. "Ed." His thin lips stretched into a broad grin that made me very uncomfortable. "It's been a long time." Ed gestured to the woman sitting with me. "Aren't you gonna introduce me?" I cleared my throat, wondering how to get rid of him before things got ugly. "Gayle, this is Ed. Ed this is one of the doctors I work with." He just stared at me, like I hadn't said anything. "It's nice to meet you," Gayle said, offering her hand. He took it without once looking away from me. The overly loud booms of laughter were approaching quickly and my initial panic returned, only now it was ten times stronger. The men drunkenly fell into Ed's unmoving form as they reclaimed the booth. "Excuse me," his polite request drew my attention and I watched as Ed turned to face the man who attempted to get back to his seat. Mulder sat down beside me, his arm automatically coming around my shoulders. Two things happened instantaneously. Mulder's head turned to follow my line of vision. Ed lunged. I felt my body pressed deeper into the leather as Mulder kept his attacker from getting anywhere close to me. I could hear more than see the punches being thrown as the expletives flew. The doctors, who were still sober enough to realize what was happening, finally intervened and managed to pull him off Mulder. "You son of a bitch! You're a lunatic! Don't you ever come near Scully again or I'll have you locked up for LIFE this time!" This only made Ed struggle madly against the men holding him back. "Dana don't listen to him! I just wanted to talk to you...you know I would never hurt you!" I watched Mulder's shoulders shake with laughter, but the humor never made it all the way to his eyes. My mind was reeling as I watched Ed being escorted from the building as Mulder stood with hands on hips, watching something through the dark window which I could only guess was my former attacker's retreating figure. I smiled apologetically at Gayle before warily approaching him. "We should go," I said in a voice that was barely louder than a whisper. He nodded his head, but didn't turn to look at me before grabbing my elbow and ushering me out to the car. He remained silent as we walked down the street, looking around (for Ed, no doubt) and kept his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders. The first time he broke contact was when he opened the door for me (something he'd done only a handful of times since we'd left the FBI). The slamming of my door was hard enough to make me jump in my seat. The muscles in Mulder's jaw protruded under his skin as he gritted his teeth and I knew he was going back over everything that had gone down after he left the restroom. The silence was driving me insane and I started having a flashback. He watched me from the end of the corridor, though the second I glanced over he turned away. Finally, after all my release paperwork had been filled out, I made the long walk over to him. He looked at the cuts and bruises on my face before looking down at his shoes. He shifted the weight from his left foot to his right and I thought he was going to say something, but instead Mulder just strode away without a word. It wasn't until he found me standing in the door of his basement office much later that he finally got some things off his chest. I shuddered under my coat as I thought of what had been one of the worst months of my life---and with everything I had been through that was definitely saying something. "Are you cold?" The sincere tone of his question sent a jolt of relief through my body; I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I shook my head. "No, I'm fine." He snorted, and I corrected my statement. "Sorry, I'm not cold, just...," I hesitated, trying to find the right thing to say and not wanting to rock our impossibly shaky boat. "This was the last thing I expected to happen tonight. I really was having a good time with you and then..." Another deep breath. "I didn't even know he was released." Mulder cleared his throat and averted his eyes from mine, pretending to focus on the tree-lined neighborhood streets in front of us. "Mulder?" No answer. "Mulder, did you know?" Still no answer. Anger replaced my earlier relief. "How did you find out? How could you not have told me?" I roared. "Scully, it's not...I wasn't trying to hide it from you or anything." "Then what?" "Skinner called to let me know that he'd heard Jerse was cleared for release from the psychiatric facility he was serving his sentence in." "What? When?" "I'm getting to that." I stared at him as he pulled into our garage, waiting for his answer. He seemed to be having a hard time, his shoulders hunched forward as he braced himself with the steering wheel---the car now idling. "It was just after I left you at Father Joe's. Skinner's name popped up on the ID and I answered it thinking he might have been contacted about the case." "But he didn't have information about the case," I prompted after a few seconds of silence. "Scully," he finally turned to face me, his hazel eyes dark and imperceptible in the dim light provided by the garage door opener. "It threw me and I couldn't think about it right then. I knew where you were and I was so pissed at how you'd dismissed me---" "I dismissed you? How can you---?" "Scully, please." He reached for me and, though I didn't take his hand, I didn't pull away either. "That wasn't my point, and we've gotten to a much better place in our relationship now." The word relationship sent a thrill through me---how absurd considering we had been sleeping together for the better part of eight years. "It was just the worst timing possible. I immediately pushed the information to the back of my mind, focusing only on the task at hand. And I hadn't even thought of it again until," he paused, the muscles in his jaw tightening again. "Until I saw him standing there tonight." I processed this for a couple of minutes as we sat there staring at nothing. "So what comes next?" He smiled wryly. "Restraining order?" "But Mulder I've forgiven you!" He rolled his eyes. "Leave it to you, Scully, to joke at a time like this." "I learned from the best." "Thank you. So?" Sighing, I asked, "Don't you think that's a little, I don't know...extreme?" "What?" He pushed my hand from his violently. "Do you remember what this asshole did to you?" "Excuse me? Weren't you the one who didn't even think to inform me when he'd been released? Now suddenly, because he happened into O'Toole's tonight, I should get a restraining order against him?" "So you're not going to get it?" I was fuming. This man was impossible. "No." "Fine, I'll file it for you." He mumbled, throwing his door open and striding away into the house. I ran after him, trailing him into our bedroom where he was already undressing, throwing his clothes haphazardly to the floor. "Just how do you think you'll be able to get permission to file the order?" I waited until I was sure I had his undivided attention---which meant undressing, too. "You have no legal relation to me, Mulder." He grimaced, and I knew I'd hit a nerve. Finally! Everyone---especially my mother---always assumed Mulder and I hadn't married because I didn't want it. Bullshit. Mulder had a deep-seated fear of marriage that stemmed from his parents' nasty divorce. Not being married had only been an issue that had caused me pain a few times, but I had never known Mulder to be bothered by it. It was about damn time we had this conversation. But, then he did something I never suspected. He went over to the closet, grabbed an extra blanket and pillow and stalked off to the hallway, slamming the door shut behind him. Numbly, I reached until I found the bed and then let myself collapse on top of it. The tears never came. Time-off was very rare and, usually, I cherished every second of it. Mulder and I had gotten into a habit of using the time to "catch up" because I was usually so physically exhausted from 18 hour shifts that anything but sleeping beside him was an impossibility. So waking up alone in a cold bed had brought on a panicky feeling. Since I'd gotten him back from being sentenced to death---had it really been over six years?---we never were apart during the night. The only time we'd come close was a few months ago when he spent time in a hospital recovering from a near-death experience. But, it was more of a desperate need to know each other was truly alive and not a figment of our imagination or some wonderful dream that whoever woke up first had the privilege of watching the other sleep before winding up in each other's arms. I quickly threw on my robe and rushed into the living room---where he'd fled the night before after one of the stupidest arguments in history--- desperate to make this right and bring him back to bed only to find it completely empty. The couch--- his makeshift bed---was empty; he had even gone to the trouble of folding the blanket he'd taken and set it neatly at one end, the pillow sitting atop it. I felt the air rush out of my lungs as I puzzled over the meaning of it. In five minutes of searching, I found that he hadn't even left a note. The crystal vase, its fresh white roses (a gift from Mulder), mocked me and it took every ounce of strength I had not to throw it across the room in a temper tantrum. What had I done that would make him this angry? I thought back to the night before when I had thrown our lack of a public commitment in his face. How did that warrant such behavior? It wasn't like he didn't know how I felt, so...? What the fuck was going on here? So, I did what any normal woman would do. I showered and washed my face, scrubbing away the traces of tears I'd let pour out under the spray of intensely hot water, before getting dressed and heading to my mother's. When I called with an invitation of a girls' day out (the idea sounded so uncharacteristic I was surprised when she didn't go into a panic over it) she accepted immediately. We had brunch at a local restaurant before heading out to the mall for a shopping spree and pedicures. Yeah, like I said, what any normal woman would do---just not what I would normally do. It was fun, but even gossiping over the latest church and family scandals (my cousin, Jenna, was getting remarried for the third time, Bill was having an impossible time with getting Matt to behave at school, Charlie was leaving the Navy--- even as he was about to be named Captain---to start a seafood restaurant), I couldn't take my mind off Mulder. The worst was that I knew the whole time that Mom was dying to ask where he was. Ever since I'd been able to confide the whole truth about where we'd been she had never seen me without him at my side. Despite the angst that had surrounded our relationship---she'd watched, and even held, Mulder as he broke down while he confessed how much blame he felt for "putting me in a situation" that ended with me giving our son away---she had never treated him as anything less than a son. She knew what he meant to me, and so she loved him unconditionally for that. Hard to believe, right? As we walked back to my car in the mall's massive parking garage, I felt like someone was watching us. I glanced around, pathetically hoping Mulder would emerge from behind one of the concrete pillars, to find nothing. Had I really grown that dependent on a man's presence in my life? My inner feminist all but screamed at my sad display of neediness. "Dana, is everything okay?" "What?" I looked over the hood of the car to find her eyeing me warily, as she waited for me to unlock the car---since, normally, I would have pressed the button about fifteen feet before we reached the vehicle. "Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry," I mumbled, hitting the unlock switch quickly before checking the area around us again. The sound of tires on the pavement as a car---undoubtedly full of teenagers enjoying a skip day---brought me out of my paranoid musings. I walked her inside and we chatted a little longer over a glass of iced tea, which definitely didn't help turn my thoughts from him, before I promised to pick her up for mass that weekend and kissed her goodbye. The hulking, late-model black Bronco blocking my car in the driveway, and the dark haired man standing beside it, sent my pulse skyrocketing. Years of habit had me feeling at the small of my back, only to find nothing to wrap my fingers around. He held his hands up. "Dana, please. I'm just here to talk. I swear, please just listen for a minute." "How the hell did you find me here, Ed?" Suddenly, my paranoia at the mall didn't seem so ridiculous. I backed towards my mother's house reaching into my jacket pocket for my phone. I'd taken it out of the car, holding on to blind hope that maybe Mulder would return one of the ten texts I'd sent him throughout the day. "I followed you." My outraged expression must have made him feel the need to explain. "It was the only way I could think of to get a chance to talk to you alone. You know he would never have let me anywhere near you, Dana." Remembering the scene at O'Toole's, I knew just how right he was; although that had been before... "I promise, I have only the best intentions. Will you please just let me try to make this right?" "Do you really think your promises mean anything to me after what you did?" He took two steps toward me and I dug my heels in determined not to let him see the fear I felt at such a simple gesture. "Dana, I only want to talk." Another step. "I've had to relive the nightmare I put you through every day the last ten years. Every day I imagined what I would say if I ever got the chance to apologize." Another step. "Please." He was less than five feet from me now; close enough that I could see the moisture in his eyes and the physical effect ten years in lockup had done to his body. The pain was evident in his voice and his eyes held an infinite sadness that I'd only seen in one other person. "Dana?" I turned to find my mother standing in her doorway, looking from me to the stranger gazing hungrily at her daughter. "Are you alright? Do I need to call---" "No, Mom, it's okay." The last thing I wanted her to do was call Mulder, or Skinner (who would definitely be calling Mulder), or even the police. "I was just leaving." "Are you sure, honey?" I nodded and she hesitated for a second before retreating back inside. "Thank you." I whirled and closed the space between us. "Listen," I hissed, my finger less than inch from his face, "if you make me out to be a liar for what I just told my mother then I will make the last ten years of your life look like a cake walk, are we clear?" "Perfectly." An amused smile played at the corners of his mouth. "So then what the hell do you want?" "Can we go somewhere to talk?" My jaw went slack. "You can drive." He turned and headed back to his SUV. "Just let me pull my car to the side so you can drive. Is that okay?" When I made no move to protest, he smiled again and quickly put his car into reverse. "I must be losing my mind," I said aloud to no one before getting in my car, turning on the engine, and unlocking the passenger door. ******************************** I watched as Dana pulled out onto the street, the dark stranger grinning hugely as he hopped in beside her. Reaching for my phone, I entered "911 Dana" as he'd shown me one day while my daughter was in the other room and scrolled down until I found his name in my cell phone's list of saved numbers. Then, I prayed. Please, Lord...please don't let this be a huge mistake on my part. ******************************** I kept glancing at the man beside me, my subconscious (the one that, today, had decided to take on Mulder's voice) yelling---no, make that pleading and begging at a rather loud volume---at me to rethink what I was doing, turn around, go inside my mother's house and lock all the doors and windows. But there was something calm about Ed's demeanor that was slightly different than the last time I'd seen him. No, not calm, but more like...resigned. The brightly lit parking lot, full of cars with potential witnesses dining inside, was my signal to pull in. "No crummy little bar this time, huh?" The ouroboros on my lower back tingled as his words brought me back to that night and my mouth twisted into a half smile that never reached my eyes. Like I said, it had been one of the worst months of my life; I was a completely different person now. "No," I sighed, unbuckling my seatbelt and looking at the entrance with the giant red chili pepper over the door. "This will do just fine, I think." He smartly kept a safe distance from me as we entered the restaurant and sat ourselves at one of the booths on the bar side. A waiter immediately came up and we both just got a glass of water and an order of mozzarella sticks. When I managed to look at him finally, realizing I had no reason to bow my head submissively for I had done nothing wrong here, I was able to see what had attracted me to him all those years ago. Tall and lean but muscular just the same with dark hair, strong jaw line, and bright eyes that held just a hint of mischievous; he was the side of Mulder I had not allowed myself to appreciate. "So, Dana...how have you been?" "Um," I laughed nervously, "I've been okay, I suppose. A lot's happened in ten years." Understatement of the century. "I imagine so. So, apparently, you and your partner?" he paused looking at me questioningly and I nodded for him to continue. "You two managed to work things out after..." "After you tried to kill me." I stated, holding nothing back as I glared at him across the table. He sighed heavily and pushed away from the table to recline back into the padded seat. "I mean no offense when I say that you don't look as if you've aged at all." An unwanted flush began rising from my chest. "Trust me, I've seen you in my mind every day for the last ten years. The Dana in my head has nothing on the woman sitting in front of me now." "Thanks. But if this is what you had to tell me then I should probably drive us back now." "No, that's not why I needed to talk to you." He reached across the table to grab my hand and I immediately pulled away. "I wanted to apologize. And not just for knocking you unconscious..." My interest peaked as he lifted his eyes to meet mine. "Do you remember the night before?" Oh. All I could manage was a nod. "I was in a rotten place. Losing my family to another man because I couldn't provide the love and financial stability they needed, losing my job, and then going to that awful tattoo parlor...and finding you there. You were so small, but fearless. I could see that immediately with the way you held yourself as you walked around the roughest part of Philadelphia. I was drawn to you, Dana. And then...after we got back from the bar--- " "Ed..." I didn't know if I could deal with hearing this part. Funny how this was harder to swallow than the idea of him wanting to kill me. He held a hand up. "Just, hear me out. That's all I ask." I nodded again and released the breath I'd been clinging to. His voice as he spoke now was low, almost seductive. "I wanted to apologize for forcing myself on you. Your words that night have burned a hole in my brain and I can't seem to get past how brutally I treated you." Tears that I had been hopelessly wishing away finally escaped down my cheeks at the memory---Ed, please, we've both had too much to drink...I don't feel comfortable with this...I don't want this, Ed!...Please...this is just another mistake you and I will both regret tomorrow; I swiped at them praying no one walking by would notice. "What made you finally hear me?" "Your eyes. They weren't terrified or frightened like any normal person might have been after the way I'd torn---" he shook his head as if he were trying to shake the memory loose. "Instead, they were patient and...I don't know. But it was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on me and I could see clearly again." He looked down again, and I had no idea what to say now. Part of me wanted to crawl under the table to avoid hearing anything else he might have to say, while the other part of me craved the closure this pain was bringing. The waiter set our basket of fried cheese on the table and quickly refilled our glasses before disappearing, obviously sensing the tension between his two customers. Ed's hands wrapped around mine where they cupped my glass on the table, the condensation dripping over and through our fingers. "Dana, I would never ask you to try and forget what happened. But do you think it's possible you might one day be able to forgive me?" I laughed in disbelief, but the sincerity I saw in his face made me think about his plea. "Maybe one day, but I still can't get away from how you found me today. And the other night at O'Toole's? Was that a coincidence or...?" "I've been trying to find you since I was released, but it wasn't easy. I started in DC, remembering that's where you lived before, but when I tried to look you up at the FBI, I hit a dead end. It wasn't until you moved to Baltimore from..." He waited for me to supply this information, but when I remained silent he continued. "Well, wherever you were, that I got a trace on you. I googled your name one night about a month ago and saw that you were working at Union Memorial, and so I searched for days until I found you working in Pediatrics." Releasing my hands, he leaned away from me to signal an end to his disturbing tale. "So...you've been following me for a month? Why did you wait so long to show yourself?" My skin was crawling at the idea of him waiting for me all those days, watching me without my knowledge. His head thrown back in laughter, he answered, "I was terrified! Do you have any idea the kind of intimidation you possess with just your presence?" My cheeks grew hot again. "And then," his eyes grew darker, "he was nearly always with you when you weren't at work. And, seeing the exhaustion on your face and in your posture as you left work each day---I knew that if I chose to approach you while you were like that, it would only serve to scare you. But, I was sick of waiting any longer and last night when I saw him slip out of your booth, I saw an opportunity. Then, when he interrupted something I'd waited ten years for...." "You chose to assault him." "Not the brightest thing I've ever done, I'll admit. And, I was sure you'd never agree to see me tonight which is why I blocked you in...Looking back that definitely wasn't a smart move, either." The slight drawl and honey-coated sound of his voice as he poked fun at his own sanity was slightly comforting. Was I really feeling more at ease with someone who had nearly raped, let alone tried to kill, me? I was losing my mind. He was looking at my hand now and I flinched when I realized his purpose. "You never married?" "No." "But you two are..." "Not that it's your business, but yes---we have been in a relationship for quite some time." "Did you finally tell him after what happened with me?" I shook my head. "Some distractions got in the way." Yeah, cancer, infertility, my daughter's death, an old flame coming back into his life....Some might consider those distracting. "Well, it looks like you eventually got past those." His shy smile was catching and I found myself grinning back at him. The waiter cleared his throat---seeming afraid to catch us off guard for fear of more tears---before clearing our dishes (I didn't even remember touching the greasy food but it was gone, nevertheless) and leaving us with a check. "I got it," he said, fumbling for his wallet. "Ed..." "Dana, please it's like seven bucks. It's the least I can do for you taking such a huge risk tonight by hearing me out." I stood and reached back toward the booth to grab my purse when suddenly the heat from his body was close enough to warm mine. Straightening up so that our faces were less than a foot apart, he leaned down and spoke in a whisper. "You saved my life that day in the tattoo parlor. I just couldn't live with the idea that I might have ruined yours." And, with that, he put a hand on my shoulder and guided me out into the night. "Don't you two make a cute couple?" The bitter sarcasm of his voice stopped me dead in my tracks, causing Ed to stumble as my abrupt stillness forced him to let me go. "Mulder?" A range of emotions coursed through me: relief to see him after his mysterious disappearance this morning, panic at the way he was misconstruing the situation, anger at the way he'd abandoned me, terror that he might leave before I got a chance to explain. "What are you doing here?" He pushed himself from where he'd been leaning against my car. "Well, I got a text from your mom, a little more than an hour ago, saying that you had driven off with a stranger who looked dangerous and had made you appear anxious and nervous in front of her, so- --after I text you with no response back-- -I raced over to her house and ended up here about five minutes ago." "I never got any text." I reached into my jacket, pulled out the phone, and sure enough there were four texts: one from my mom to warn me about Mulder and three from Mulder. I looked at the volume and it was turned all the way up. The left side of the screen caught my attention. I was only getting two bars standing outside which meant I must not have had any inside. Dammit! "Look, Dana, I think I'll call a cab to take me home, and I'll come pick up my truck another time." Mulder's head snapped violently as his focus turned from me to Ed. "If you so much as step foot near that street again, I will have you arrested for violating parole." He had moved within two arm's length of him as he hissed, "Your parole officer was not too pleased to hear you'd been stalking a former victim across state lines today. Your truck's already been impounded." Ed didn't back away; instead he turned to face me dismissing Mulder with his body language. "He's right. I have to get back to Pennsylvania, but I'm okay with that now. Thank you again, Dana." I looked up at him as he pushed the hair out of my face before running the back of his hand from my temple to my neck. "DON'T TOUCH HER!" Mulder roared as he slammed into Ed causing them to tumble onto the gravelly concrete. Watching Mulder's jealous and protective side come out sent an adolescent thrill through me. They quickly found their feet as the restaurant's hosts and hostesses rushed out to see what the commotion was. "Do you hear me, Jerse? If you ever come near her again, it will be the last thing you ever do!" Ed tilted his head slightly in Mulder's direction as he stalked away to find a place where he could call a cab. "C'mon Scully, let's go," he ordered, grabbing my arm again and roughly pulling me to my car. "Where's your car?" "Your mom drove me here and then dropped me off when I realized...you were relatively safe," the last part said through clenched teeth. "I'm sorry she worried you for no reason." He whirled me around to face him then. "No reason?" he fumed. "That was Ed-fucking-Jerse, Scully! The man who tried to burn you alive! And now, what? You're telling me that I shouldn't have been worried that you were alone with him?" "What was worse for you, Mulder?" I spat. "Thinking I might be in danger or seeing that I was perfectly fine when you found us?" His night darkened eyes were menacing as he raised himself to full height over me as he always did when he wanted to intimidate; so, I reacted the way I always did by jutting out my chin and stepping even closer. "Your mother is waiting up for us and it's after nine already." Then, he ran away again. The ten-minute trip to my mother's was a silent one and I was glad for it. We both had a habit of saying things we later regretted in tense situations. But, also, the Ed Jerse file had been closed firmly when I was diagnosed with cancer and had never been reopened. The feelings from that time were now as fresh and raw as they'd been that day in the basement. It was the most petty, juvenile thing in the world for him to be upset over this, but I wasn't exactly trying to make it better with my antagonizing remarks. I explained to my mother that I was fine and it had been a false alarm. She looked utterly devastated at the body language between us; Mulder sulked in an armchair across the room while I sat with my mom on the couch. The apology was there in her eyes even though I knew she wouldn't risk upsetting things more by vocalizing it. He didn't need to know that I told her specifically NOT to call anyone; that everything was okay. Sighing, I grabbed my keys and headed to the door as Mulder followed, but kept his distance. Without so much as a word, I watched as he hurried off to his car, got in, slammed the door shut, and drove away. This was ridiculous! Determined to beat him to the house so I could stop him before he sentenced himself to another night on the couch, I raced down the suburban streets, but every time I moved to pass him, he sped up! I rifled through my purse with one hand, as I attempted to maneuver, looking for my cell so that I could try to reason with him on the phone, but never found it. Finally, we arrived at the house and I watched with defeat as he got out of his car. But, instead of sprinting to the door to escape me like I thought he would, he stood in front of my parking spot---waiting for me. "Not everything is about me." I slowly approached the front of my car where he stood---hands in pockets. "Mulder?" "Tell me, Scully." His voice was barely louder than a whisper but so full of hurt that it rang loudly in my head. "What is it exactly you want to know?" He turned his head to meet my eyes and the sadness I could see behind them, green with gold flecks from the soft yellow fluorescent bulb that lit the garage, made me want to look away; but his burden was mine---so the least I could do was look him in the eye. "Tell me what this---you agreeing to go with him tonight---was really about." "Closure," I sighed. "I know it was stupid---" He snorted in disgust at my banal description. "But he said he wanted to explain, and...well, I needed to know why." "And did you get what you needed?" "Yes." I hadn't even realized how true my answer was until I heard myself say it. He looked at the floor then, toeing a grease puddle with his shoe as he processed this. Then he turned to look at me again. "So, wouldn't it be only fair if I got some closure, too?" My eyes widened in disbelief. Was he really choosing to face this head on? "I suppose so, yes." "Did I truly have nothing to do with Philadelphia?" "Mulder..." "Closure, Scully. That's all I'm asking." I could feel the tips of ears burning as my heart accelerated, a cold sweat breaking out across my hairline. "No, Mulder." His brow furrowed. "You mean 'no' as in I had nothing to do with it or 'no' as in I did?" "I mean 'no' as in a tiny part of it was about you!" "Do you mind clarifying which part?" "Mulder, please. It was so long ago! Why do you need me to rehash this?" I turned to flee---not wanting to have our relationship break apart because of a wound that had healed improperly---but he grabbed me by the shoulders before I could get away. "The same reason you risked your life with a lunatic. I need to know why!" "Because! Because I was always trying to catch up with you. Because I needed to feel admired, and you..." I stopped myself, even as my voice trembled and rose, before the words came out in the present tense. This was a decade ago, I reminded myself. Those feelings are gone now. "I felt like I would never have your respect as an equal...or as a woman." His hands fell away then and I instantly regretted my confession. "Mulder, I'm sorry---" "No, Scully," he said with a half-hearted attempt at a smile that came out more like a grimace. "I asked for the truth and you gave it to me. I think maybe I'm the one who should be apologizing." "For what?" I asked, though at that point I cared very little what his answer was; the damage seemed to have already been done. "For being so wrapped up...back then," he added with an intent glance at me. "For making the most important person in my world feel anything but adored." "That was a different time in both our lives. I know now how you feel and that's all that matters." "Is it?" The accusatory tone of his question caught me off- guard and I waited, knowing there was something more behind it that I couldn't see yet. "If the here and now is all that matters, then why did you feel the need to trust him?" "I...I don't know." He nodded and when he looked at me again I felt all the air leave my lungs like I'd been punched in the stomach. There were tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Scully," he whispered before pulling me into a fierce hug. "I'm sorry, too, Mulder." We stood there for what seemed like hours as we held each other before he finally pulled away. I blinked several times to clear the tears from my eyes and wiped their residue from my cheeks. "Scully." His eyes were wide with what seemed like terror as he spoke my name. Before I could ask what was wrong, he fell to his knees. "Mulder!" I immediately dropped down beside him but he pushed me away, not letting me see where he was hurt. "Just give me some room...please," he cried, his voice breaking on the last word. I quickly stood and took a step back from him, trying to assess the damage from afar, when I saw it. My stomach dropped into my shoes as he steadied himself on one knee and held the tiny black velvet box in front of him. "This wasn't exactly how I pictured it happening when I started planning," he teased, a huge grin breaking out on his face despite the tears that still streamed down his cheeks, "but I've always been good at improvising." "Mulder---" "Scully, it's not often that a man crouches into grease and says things so corny it makes even his own skin crawl, so please just let me finish, okay?" I nodded, the muscles on my face protesting as my smile stretched them to new lengths. "Fifteen years ago, you came to my hotel room late one rainy night and shocked the hell out of me. I'll be honest, from the second they told me I was getting a new partner, I was determined to make your life as miserable as possible. To do whatever it took so that you would run away screaming, making the powers that be think twice about assigning another agent to the X-Files. But from the first moment you walked into that basement, you never backed down. And then, that night when you showed up in your robe and asked me to examine you in your underwear, I saw the trust you'd placed in me and was blown away. "It wasn't until the first time they closed the X- Files that I realized just how interwoven my life had become with yours. I hadn't felt the pain of separation like that since I'd lost Sam. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need you...and then They took you." I watched the pain flash across his face, mirroring my own as I relived that horrible time with him. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him, but he held a hand up, silently asking me to let him continue. "After you were returned and reinstated as my partner, I made a vow to never let them use you as a tool against me. So I distanced myself. But, every day it was harder and harder to keep up the professional wall I built between us. And, then...the onslaught began. Everything that happened over the next five years proved only to make the love I felt for you a thousand times stronger. The kiss at midnight was the straw that broke the camel's back." Well, the world didn't end. I laughed quietly as I remembered the simple words he uttered before we went back to my apartment to "officially" start the New Year. "I told you it was going to be cheesy, Scully. Laughing doesn't really help me here." "Sorry." "Anyway, I went off to Oregon prepared to propose when I returned, but then...well, you know." "Yes," I sighed. "Fast forward six or seven years and here we are. Together, but still not where we should be. I know that part of you probably thinks I'm only doing this as a knee-jerk reaction to what you said last night. And I'm not going to sit here and lie by saying that's not true." My eyebrows raised as I wondered where this was heading. "Seeing Jerse made me realize that even though you and I know the depth of our commitment to each other, it is important that others know that we are a family." He opened the box to reveal a small square-cut solitaire diamond on a white-gold band. "I want you to be my wife, Scully." His grin seemed to span from ear to ear as he looked up at me. "Will you marry me?" "Yes," I managed to choke out as the tears began anew. He hopped up and scooped me into a fierce bear-hug, crushing my lips with his. Finally, he set me on my feet and reached for my left-hand, sliding the ring onto the proper finger. I gawked at the impossibility of it, sitting there sparkling at me. "C'mon," he said, pulling me through the entry to our house from the garage and punching the button to close the massive door at the same time. "I want to see how it looks from the bedroom." I walked quickly to catch up with him when my foot slipped on something on the hardwood floor. I bent down in the pitch black hallway to examine what had nearly caused my fall when I felt something soft and silky beneath my fingers. I picked it up, rubbing the silky rose petal between my thumb and forefinger. Looking down the hall to the top of the stairs, I saw Mulder waiting with a sheepish grin on his face. Suddenly, everything clicked: Mulder's disappearance this morning, the unanswered calls and texts, my mother's lack of interest in Mulder's whereabouts, not letting me pass him on the way home. "Like I said, that proposal didn't go down exactly as I planned." I smiled to myself and carefully stashed the petal into my jacket pocket before heading up the stairs to take his hand. My life had finally come full circle. THE END