From: Kerz1013 Date: 9 Jun 1999 04:19:08 GMT Subject: REP: Full Circle pt.1 Title: Full Circle (pt. 1/5) Author: Kirsten E-mail address: Kerz1013@aol.com Archive: Anywhere, just let me know where. Spoilers: Triangle, Dreamlands I & II, Detour Rating: PG Classification: MSR Summary: Follow-up to "Triangle" and prequel to Dreamlands I & II. Did Mulder really tell Scully he loved her? Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. I just borrowed them for a little while and am now returning them with love and gratitude to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox Television. Dedication: Special thanX to Kathy, my online XF-buddy, for all the support and help with this story. Authors Note: This is my first fic, please be kind but all feedback is welcome. Full Circle 1/5 by: Kirsten As she left the hospital room, Scully did a double take. Looking back at Mulder, he sank back down in the scratchy sheets hospitals are famous for. Her mind was reeling from the words she just heard. Just as she was out of the door she caught him touching his cheek, and grinning like he had some secret he had wanted to tell her. As far as Scully was concerned, she had heard enough for tonight. Walking down the hall, she spotted AD Skinner, her "old" boss she had to remind herself. He was chatting with the Lone Gunmen and looking quite trapped. He looked to Scully as if to scream for help. Scully owed him, and she owed him big for his help in getting the information vital to saving Mulder's life. She walked up to the group casually and immediately drew Frohike's attention. Scully liked Frohike, but she was growing tired of all his "extra" attentions. He was not the kind of man women would usually call, in any way handsome, but he had a heart bigger than the whole outdoors. Scully could remember when Frohike brought her flowers in the hospital after her abduction, and that act had endeared him to her. She smiled a little smile at him and then quickly turned to Skinner. "Sir, I need to talk to you about "official" business if you have a minute or two?" "Excuse me gentlemen," Skinner said as he placed his hand at the small of Scully's back, escorting her down the hall a little further. "Thanks for the 'save' agent Scully." "You're very welcome, Sir. I owe you that, and a whole lot more, for your help with our latest situation," she said with a serious but relieved look on her face. "I think you've already taken care of that "extra" thank you, in the elevator Agent Scully," he replied, grinning yet slightly pink from the awkwardness of the kiss he was referring to. Smiling back his embarrassed smile, Scully looked up into his face, "I meant to talk to you about that, Sir. I'm sorry . . . I shouldn't have . . . I mean I was so relieved . . . I . . ." "Agent Scully," he cut her off, " there's no need to explain. When emotions are high and spirits are low, these things, well . . ." he smiled again and went on, "besides, it wasn't so bad!" Both of them were laughing now, and both a little redder than before. They turned and noticed the Gunmen had left, it was now safe for their escape. Skinner offered to walk Scully to her car. She accepted with a smile, grateful for his understanding about her little indiscretion and thankful for his continued concern for Mulder and her own well being. It hit her hard knowing that further contact with Skinner would be unwise and dangerous for all of them. Through the years, there were times she didn't trust Skinner. How could her intuition have been so wrong? She and Mulder had been helped and saved countless times by this man. "Good night, Sir and thanks again," she said slipping behind the wheel of her car. He waved and started back to his own. She would miss him, she thought as she backed out of her space, tires squealing in the near vacant parking garage. Once again, after all the past days excitement and commotion, she was alone to contemplate her life and her future, and oh my god, what did Mulder say again?! She kept running it through in her mind. Did he really mean it when he said he loved her? When it happened, Scully chalked it up to the pain meds he was on. Could he have really meant it? Oh shit, if he did, I really blew him off. Was he serious? If he was, what was he thinking by my reaction? What did I say to him? Oh, brother? What could I have said? I love you too. He would have fallen on the floor laughing. It's got to be one of his little jokes or he must have been out of his mind. If it was for real, I hope he isn't hurt, yet the way he's been treating me lately, maybe he needed to be shot down. He doesn't even know half of the times he hurts me. Scully's mind kept reeling on her drive home from the hospital. She thought back on her years together with Mulder. Five of them to be exact. God, has it really been that long? She remembered the way he used to treat her. Had things really changed that much in all this time? He really treated me like crap. I thought it was just the way a seasoned agent treated a greenhorn, but he still treats me that way sometimes. He just loves to piss me off and push me around, or is it he's pushing me away? As she came to a red light, Scully lowered her head and rubbed at her temples, he gave her a headache even when he wasn't around. Mulder, his name must mean frustrating in some unknown language. Just when she started to understand him, he went into this void and reappeared as someone else, with a completely different personality. The light turned green and she was off and so was her mind. What did she know about this partner of hers, this "Special Agent Fox Mulder"? For one thing, she was completely exacerbated when with him, yet when she was alone like now, she longed to have him near. He was safe. She never felt danger when with him. This she knew was a total false sense of security just surviving what Mulder and his "work" had introduced her to. Maybe it was the danger and excitement that drew her to this kind of work, and him. Life was never boring with Mulder. He had changed in positive ways over the years though, and his loyalty to her was never in question. Scully remembered when she held him on the edge of the frozen crater in Antarctica. He finally came to, and even in his state, he pulled her close and held her saying her name over and over again. She loved the way he said her name. She thought it odd when she first met Mulder that he called her "Scully," yet now she knew it was so him. She couldn't even imagine him calling her Dana. She loved the way . . . She loved him, with every fiber of her soul. Smiling in awareness, Scully thought about all his faults and his many hang-ups and still she knew. Was this what it meant to love someone? She never loved anyone before, well not really. How does anyone really know? Scully pulled into the parking garage at her apartment and slipped into her space. Getting out, she felt so alone, especially knowing the stillness and darkness that would greet her at her threshold. Scully unlocked the door and sighed as she walked in. Re-locking the door and tossing the keys on the coffee table, Scully kicked off her shoes and padded her way through the dark hallway to her bedroom. The phone rang as she was laying out her nightshirt and unbuttoning her blouse. Scully looked at her watch, nearly one a.m. "What now," she said aloud as she ran to catch it on the fourth ring. "Yes?" she barked into the receiver. "Scully?" a familiar voice. "Mulder!?" she knew she sounded surprised. "I'm sorry Scully, It's late . . . did I wake you? "No Mulder, I was just getting ready for. . ." "Well, I just had to talk to you," interrupting her, "It couldn't wait." "What's wrong Mulder are you O.K., do you need something?" "That's-- kinda why I was calling Scully," he sounded strange. "What is it Mulder, it's well past hours and the nurses will have your ass." "Well, you know me, when I want something bad enough, there's not much that will keep me from it." He was smiling, she could tell. Scully caught his implied meaning, or was it? He was playing the game again. Through the years, she had learned to play his little games, and had become a master of flirtation, second only to Mulder. She couldn't help herself. "Did you forget your favorite jammies Mulder?" she teased back not being able to hide the smile she was wearing, even over the phone. "You're laughing at me aren't you Scully. You're laughing at a poor, broken, lonely man lying in a hospital bed. How could you?" he said completely amused by his own wit. "I'm so sorry Mulder, I know how fragile your feelings are. I'll behave myself. What did you need my precious partner?" "Seriously Scully, I really need to tell you something," his voice had changed now, and sounded level and solemn. "What is it Mulder?" Scully's tone now matching his. "When you were leaving my room earlier, what I told you . . . what I said . . . I meant it, Scully, every word." "Mulder you were on heavy medication, you probably still are, and in the morning . . ." "Scully, you're not making this any easier. Will you just shut up and listen!?" Not caring much to be told to shut up, Scully nearly yelled into the receiver, "O.K. Mulder, WHAT!?" "I LOVE you Scully!" he almost yelled back at her. "Mulder I . . ." "I know you think I'm on something, Scully but it's not drugs. I had an "experience" on that ship, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me. I'm not even sure I would believe me. Scully, I went back in time, it was incredible. I'd say you should have been there, but you were! It was World War II and the ship was being overrun by Nazis and you were . . ." "Mulder, maybe you should get some rest," she said that familiar tone in her voice. "Look Scully, I know how this sounds, and even if it was a figment of my overactive imagination, a bump on the head or a sock in the jaw, I learned things from it. With me, maybe that's what it takes. I wasn't sure I was going to live through it yet alone make it back to tell you. . !" his voice cracked. "Mulder?" she whispered. "No Scully, please let me finish. I'm not going to let another day go by without telling the people I love how much they mean to me. Ya know Scully, that my list isn't very long and your name is at the top. You mean everything to me!" he sounded panicked. Scully was completely confused. For him to come right out with this was entirely out of character. All she could think is that he had some sort of N.D.E. (near death experience.) "Mulder, I know something must have happened to you, some kind of "experience," but I really don't think you know what you're saying." "Yeah Scully, I do. I realize I jump the gun on occasion, but not this time. You're my best friend, my only friend. I can't be without you. You've trusted me when no one else would even listen to me. You've been through so much with me and because of me, I owe you everything. And like I said before, you owe me nothing. I don't want anything from you that you aren't ready to give. I'm just satisfied to let you know how I feel and that the truth is out there, so to speak." Silence . . . "Scully, are you there?" "Yes," she breathed. "I'll let you go, get some rest," he said not being able to hide the disappointed relief in his voice. "Goodnight." "Mulder wait!" "Yeah," he answered quickly. "Goodnight . . . I'm glad you told me, and I um . . . love you too. Sleep well," she said softly and ended the call. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Full Circle by: Kirsten Part 2 Scully stood at the phone for what seemed an eternity after ending the call with Mulder. A single tear streamed its way down her cheek. How ever long she felt the way she did about Mulder, she promised herself she wouldn't act on these feelings. They were partners for god's sake. This could compromise everything and all their work over the years. How could they possibly work together now? All the doubts Scully had, surfaced in her mind and exploded with emotion. More tears followed the trails of the first and Scully hated herself for allowing it. After all she had been through, she had thought herself strong and unshakable. When it came to Mulder she realized, this was never the case. When Scully introduced herself to Mulder in his basement office all those years ago, her first impressions were less than she had hoped for. She knew his reputation for work with the paranormal, yet she honestly thought it would be exciting to work with him. Exciting she wanted - exciting she got, Scully thought as she climbed into her bed. She closed her eyes and even though she was mentally and emotionally exhausted, sleep would not come. Mulder her partner for close to six years . . . this arrogant, perverted, paranoid, believer in anything and everything, had become the most important individual in her life. How did she let this happen? How long had she loved him? Standing there, receiver in hand, it was Mulder's turn to digest the statement of sentiment Scully had just revealed to him. He hung up as his nurse rounded the corner, eyeing him with a clearly aggravated scowl. "Mr. Mulder! We've been combing the halls looking for you. Doctor's orders say you're not supposed to be out of bed!" "I had to make a call, and the one in my room, for some reason, isn't working," he replied with a half-smile. Somehow he knew what her response would be and the reason behind it. "If you remember, we had your room's phone turned off an hour ago after we caught you answering all the calls from those determined friends of yours . . . I believe you called "the Gunmen?" I have no idea how they even got passed the switchboard that many times. Nevertheless, visiting hours are over, Mr. Mulder. You are supposed to be resting if not sleeping." "I've had more sleep in the last couple of days than I've probably had all month. I feel fine! I really think I should be released." "Dr. said you are to stay overnight in observation. That blow you received to your head gave you a concussion. You will not be released until morning Mr. Mulder, and frankly I'm growing tired of telling you! Now get back to your room," she said harshly, pointing down the hall. Mulder smiled a sarcastic smile at her. "Fine," he said hoping his smug remark would effect her the same way Scully's "fine" effected him. He turned and walked slowly back to his prison for the night, flanked by his jailer. He entered his room, "I think I can tuck myself in," he stated as he closed the door before the nurse could enter. The nurse stood on the other side of the door, shook her head and spoke through it, "I'll be checking on you every half hour Mr. Mulder. Please stay put!" Walking to his bed, Mulder thought to himself how all doctors were alike. Better safe than sorry was a motto they all seemed to live by, Scully included. She had basically said the same things to him on the phone that his nurse had just rattled on about. Somehow the orders were much better coming from Scully. Sitting in his bed, bored beyond belief, Mulder imagined Scully standing next to him. The weird thing was that she looked like she had when they first met in 1993. He was shocked at how much she had changed, and confused as to why he never realized how much. Not only her appearance changed, but her personality and attitude as well. He remembered how young she looked and acted; yet even then she had the nerve to stand up to him. A smile curved Mulder's lips as he recalled how he made special efforts to intimidate all his partners. Scully was the first of any of them to give back as well and as much a she received. It took her only a few days to figure him out, and now she knew him better than anyone, even his own family. When they first met, Mulder found Scully to be cute, yet kind of plain compared to what type of woman he found attractive. This probably had something to do with the fact that he thought she had been sent to spy on him. He actually thought it was a joke when he first saw her, a joke from his superiors, them teaming her with him. Her short stature and schoolgirl innocence made him think she could never keep up with him, yet alone be of any assistance investigating the X-Files. In all of this, Scully proved him wrong. She had more intelligence and fortitude in her small frame than anyone he had ever met. Diana Fowley couldn't hold a candle to his partner. Scully was Mulder's long lost soul mate. Through their years together, Scully's principals were the one standard in her life that remained constant. She was never what one might call, in any way, a champion of Mulder's cause, yet he knew she loved their work as much as he did. It was challenging for her and sometimes dangerous but she seemed to thrive on it. This made him worry for her, though he kept his feelings to himself. If he told her how he felt, he was sure it would cause trouble between them. Scully seldom concurred with Mulder's theories and beliefs, finding the only truth in her science, yet she would always give him a chance. On the most extreme cases, Mulder would get that "look" from her, or that impish smirk she was famous for, yet she would at least listen before she would openly tell him he was nuts. Mulder lay there in bed, his mind racing with thoughts. He smoothed the blanket and wished it was "raining sleeping bags." It was her smart-assed reply to his remark about how to retain body heat, well said and well deserved. Remembering that night in the woods with Scully brought a sentimental smile to his lips. He was exhausted and hurt as she cradled his head in her lap, protecting him in the dark. Recalling his unusual request that night, that she sing something to let him know she was still awake . . . Mulder caught himself just before he started to laugh out loud. He didn't want alert his jailer. When Scully started to sing "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog," badly out of key, Mulder nearly lost it. What did he tell her then, as she shifted under his weight? "I don't want to wrestle?" He now thought "wrestling" was just what the doctor ordered. Scully's partnership was a blessing he decided, and it was priceless. She was precious to him. In their years together, they had strengthened and suffered as one. The last few years' anguishes had focused even more on her than on him. Scully had fought her cancer and won. Whether the cure was the implant Mulder nearly lost his life retrieving, or a rare miracle, they would never know. Somehow neither one of them cared, so long as she had her health again. Scully continued to grieve the death of her father and the tragic murder of her sister. If all this wasn't enough suffering, a little girl named Emily entered her life. Emily, her unknown and unexplained biological daughter touched her life and filled her empty arms, if ever so briefly. Now Emily was dead, her body taken by the dark forces Scully knew to be responsible for all she and Mulder had gone through. How Scully lived with this void in her heart, Mulder could only know from his own experience loosing his sister to the same dark forces many years before. Most people would have given up long ago, but conceding was not in Scully's nature. She had this underlying strength that seemed to abound from her. Where Mulder thought her cute and pretty before, she was incredibly beautiful now. Scully had eyes that could pierce his soul and on the rare occasion she would let him see her cry, he would die a little inside. Her smiles came even less often then her tears, yet when Scully would grant Mulder this rarest expression, a true gift would radiate from her soul to his. As they'd both been warned to "trust no one," Mulder purposely closed himself off to everyone, with the exception of Scully. His quest was now theirs. She was the only one person he would ever trust completely. With this trust came a love Mulder didn't have the words for. Full Circle - part 3/5 by: Kirsten Part 3 A persistent ringing, an annoying, almost chirping sound pulled Scully form her deep sleep. It was almost eleven A.M. She couldn't believe she had slept this late. Scully then remembered she was up to nearly 4:00AM thinking, or trying not to think about him. She grabbed the phone on her nightstand and managed to croak out a "yeah." Realizing the receiver was upside-down; she turned it around and answered again. "Hello," her voice sounded a little better. Her attitude unchanged. "Scully, it's me," Mulder announced. "Mind if I come over? I've got a new lead on a case. "Scully? You there?" "What Mulder?" still groggy. "What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong Scully, I just got a message from one of my sources, it sounds promising . . ." "Mulder-need I remind you - we're being watched by just about everyone. If we're not careful we'll both loose our jobs. As confining as the work has become, we still need the Bureau in some capacity. I don't think it's well advised to go out again so soon after this last incident. We just can't do this under such close surveillance." "We'll talk about that, if it's O.K., when I get there," he stated, avoiding her directness. "Sure Mulder, fine---Whatever, come on over," like she had to invite him. Scully sat up wearily and hung up the receiver. She sat there wondering what the hell Mulder was up to now. It sounded like he was calling from his cell phone so he must have been released from the hospital. Scully looked down at her rumpled blankets. Towards the end of the bed, she saw her journal. She reached forward, grabbed it and flipped it open. Squinting to read the scribbled draft she had written last night when it was obvious sleep was a lost cause, Scully remembered she hadn't written her usual entry. It was a letter to Mulder. I just can't believe him, she thought. Scully flipped through the past years entries. She noticed that Mulder was the topic of most. She read an entry from last month. -----As every day draws to a close, I feel more and more that I have to tell him. Somehow, I think he knows, but he shows no signs of it. It seems that in the pages of this journal, I find my only escape from the insanity that is Mulder. I have to get these feelings behind me. Lately, his behavior has been so hurtful. I don't know why he would literally go to the ends of the earth for me and then turn around and act like he doesn't know or trust me. I will try to get things back to the way they were before, if possible. At least our relationship was comfortable there. My demeanor will remain professional and rational where Mulder is concerned. In reality, my heart aches. This man she had loved for so long finally told Scully he loved her and yet, she wondered if it was enough. Mulder was so unstable these days, more so than usual. One minute he would confide in Scully his deepest feelings, and the next he would run off on a tangent leaving her to wonder and worry. With tears in her eyes, Scully closed the journal. She was at a complete loss as to what to do. He said he loved me, and that should be enough. This and similar thoughts had haunted Scully since that evening in the hallway outside Mulder's apartment. I love him enough to trust him; he wouldn't purposely hurt me. I don't think he knows he does half of the time, she concluded. After kicking her feet over the edge of the bed, Scully stood up and stretched out the morning stiffness. Pulling on her robe and scuffing on her slippers, she slowly made her way down the hall to the kitchen, journal in hand. She tossed it on the table and started coffee to brew. Opening the refrigerator, Scully pulled out a container of yogurt and grabbed a spoon out of a nearby drawer. She poured her coffee, added a touch of cream and sat down at the table. For a while, as she sipped the hot coffee, she simply stared out the window and let her mind go blank. As reality came back to her, Scully picked up the journal and opened to the letter she wrote to Mulder last night. She reread it hoping to understand why she allowed herself to be in this situation. Dear Mulder, --- I've known you for five plus years and shared in your personal quest and tragedies. Now that I've said the words, I have to tell you how I feel before anything else happens. When I walked into your office that first day, you thought I was assigned to discredit you. I could see the distrust in your eyes, not that you didn't let me know. Now, looking back, I realize you were probably right. At the time I was to nave to comprehend there might be a reason behind your paranoia. When we met that day, I thought I knew who and what your were Mulder. I think you know the reputation you earned for the work you did and that it proceeded you even then. In several ways I was right, but in most, I couldn't have been more wrong. When I received this assignment, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to work with you, although, I was amazed that the FBI would assign someone so "green" as me to the X-Files and you. They knew I was a skeptic and I guess I still am in most circumstances. They probably thought our differences would deter you to the point where you would give up. Little did they know that you never give up, just as I haven't and never would give up on you. Together, we have become more than partners." We have become a team even those who conspire against us can't break up. Through our years-together Mulder, you have earned my undying respect and ultimate trust. You are my best friend. We understand each other on a subliminal level. You've nourished my spirit and saved my life countless time. For this I am eternally grateful. Working close to you, knowing you as I do, I feel your deep seeded pain and also your loss, just as I believe you feel mine. It breaks my heart to see you suffer. I only wish I could be a source of strength for you as you've been for me. If only my love could erase all traces of these stains from your soul. Will my love ever be enough? Sometimes, I feel you are so near the edge of sanity. I watch them destroy you piece by piece as they create conspiracies to conceal the truth. Together, we will find the answers. My dedication to you and our work is renewed every time I look into your eyes. My only hope is that your love for me could be as intense as your search for the truth. I don't have to tell you I'm not one to believe anything quickly or easily. So here it goes, you are the only truth I am sure of. I believe in you. We have a destiny and a fate to which we are both subject. To what end this will take us, I can only imagine. I'm only glad we have finally taken this first step together. We have not talked about what happened in the hallway when I was infected with the "virus." As I was loosing consciousness, I heard you say, "I'm sorry?" Mulder, that bee had such incredibly bad timing. I've been waiting for you to come to a decision about us. I didn't want to let you know my feelings, for fear you would not have room for "us" in your life. Don't ever say you're sorry again, Mulder. That moment was one of the most anticipated and precious in my life. We both have lost so much of ourselves in this fight for the truth, yet it is so life giving to find love through it all. God help me Mulder, I love you and have for a long time. My life would be empty without you. Together, we will exorcise your demons by finding your sister. When we do, I believe we will also find the truth we have searched for, for so long. I don't think I could make it through life without you Mulder. You've become the center of my universe. Trust me as the only one who really knows and loves you Mulder, as I know you are the only one for me. You are my truth, I love you, Dana There--- it was out. Even though he would never see it, it was so wonderful to be able to express herself. Maybe someday, Scully would be able to let him know how she felt. Right now, she didn't think Mulder could fully understand the raw emotion behind the feelings she had. She wasn't sure she understood. Oh my god! --- Mulder, he would be here in minutes. Scully left her breakfast and made a mad dash for the bathroom. She quickly showered and dressed. As Scully bent down to choose the shoes she would wear, from the closet, her wet hair dripped down the silk collar of the suit she wore. Even though Scully's hair dryer made quite a racket, she still heard the pounding and "Hey Scully, it's me." She walked slowly to the door and out of habit, looked out the peephole. She laughed to herself remembering how she had been tricked before, but this was definitely Mulder. He had that look on his face. There was a moment though, just a second, she considered not letting him in. When Scully opened the door and saw him, the aggravation she felt a second ago melted into something else completely. He was dressed in all black, jeans, T-shirt and worn leather jacket. "Hi Scully," he said as if nothing had transpired between them the night before. "Come on in Mulder, I'm just about finished getting ready," she stepped aside as he brushed past her. He grabbed her wrist as she was walking back to her room. "You might want to wear something more . . . comfortable," he mumbled to her with a twinkle in his eye. His grip on her wrist slipped to her hand and as much as she tried not to, she smiled. "Alright Mulder, I'll go change, give me about fifteen minutes, make yourself at home," her eyes still smiling. He actually returned her smile. Scully slipped her hand from his and as she walked back to her bedroom. She was pleasantly surprised that the awkwardness she planned for and expected seemed to vanish as they smiled. Mulder aimlessly wandered through Scully's living room, checking out bookshelves, magazines, CDs and anything else that he could find to quench his boredom. Somehow he thought she might be longer than fifteen minutes. As he was about to sit down, he smelled fresh coffee and followed his nose to her kitchen. Riffling through the cabinets, he found a mug and like she said "made himself at home." He turned off the pot and snooping further, opened the refrigerator and scanned its contents. Just as he thought, health food. Frowning a little, Mulder grabbed an apple and plopped himself down in Scully's chair. He proceeded to shove her yogurt and coffee to another setting at the table when he saw his name in the open journal. Mulder leaned back in his chair to check down the hall. He heard the dryer and decided the coast was clear. He flipped back a page or two until he read--- Dear Mulder . . . Full Circle - part 4/5 by: Kirsten Part 4 Scully was just finishing her makeup as Mulder appeared in the doorway to her bedroom. He couldn't help but wonder at the logic behind Scully going through all the trouble to cover her freckles. She was gorgeous with no makeup and dripping hair, as he'd found her upon arriving. Almost finished Mulder, sorry," she apologized. Mulder noticed Scully had re-dressed in simple jeans and a sweater that fit her just right. He made a genuine effort to keep the disappointed look off his face as she slipped on her blazer. As she sat on the edge of the bed to put on her shoes, she felt his eyes watching. "So, Mulder, how exactly will you explain this little excursion of ours, should it come up- say- in Assistant Director Kersh's office?" Scully asked sarcastically as they walked the hall back to the living room. "Well, Scully, I told him we were going on vacation. Kersh seemed pleased to be rid of us for two weeks." "Mul-der, who's going to believe that? In all the years I've known you, you've never taken a vacation, and hardly a day off." "Yes I have! You must be forgetting that little fling of yours, you know-the tattoo incident," he teased bringing up the unspoken subject. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot your pilgrimage to Graceland. OK Mulder, where are we going on our - vacation?" she changed the subject quickly. "How do you feel about a little drive through the desert?" "You're kidding, right Mulder? "My source said he has documented evidence and classified information about the secret experiments at area 51," he answered quickly trying to enthuse her reaction. She couldn't help but give Mulder "the look" yet as outrageous as this all was, at least he came right out with it this time. She didn't have to drag things out of him as much these days. "I don't believe you, Mulder," she said smiling as she headed for the kitchen. "Where are you going, I thought we were leaving?" "I'm just going to click off the coffee if you don't mind, then we can . . ." "Already done, had a cup, shut it off, common-lets go," he held the door open for her and smiled. Amused by his gallant attempt, Scully declined saying, "Just go Mulder, I've got to lock the door." As she locked the door, Scully realized that once again she was leaving behind the only secure part of her life for destiny unknown and wild adventure with Mulder. Once in the parking garage, Mulder pointed out the rental to Scully. They both got in, Mulder at the wheel of course and as usual Scully was his passenger. They fastened their seatbelts and Mulder turned to back out of their spot. As he pulled out of the garage, Scully broke the silence. "So, who's the source Mulder?" "I don't exactly-have a name, but the Gunmen assure me he's a high ranking official inside area 51 itself." He sounded like a child Scully thought. It was always something with him, always a conspiracy, anywhere and everywhere. One wild goose chase after another. Whether chasing "little green men" or tanker trucks filled with an EBE virus, it was never a dull minute. Scully couldn't believe that after loosing the X-files, every crank in the country, or "lead" as he called them, still contacted him directly or through the Gunmen with supposed vital information. It seemed to her that since the both of them had been re-assigned, Mulder had more "leads" now than before. It was crazy, these contacts seemed to trust him more since the FBI took him off the X-files. "Mulder, need I remind you that you were nearly killed a couple days ago, don't you think you should give it a rest?" "No Scully, I don't. Just think about it. If what you said is right and everyone is watching us, then this "vacation" of ours is the perfect opportunity. We have to do this now if we do it all, and I don't want to do this without you. I need you with me on this Scully." "Why Mulder? Why do you "need" me on this? I don't think my medical expertise applies in this case, do you? She asked sarcastically. "Scully, if anything "happens" it would be great if you actually witnessed it for a change. I also thought it would be nice to have the pleasure of your company, it's a long drive," he replied with a smirk. "Why exactly are you drawn to this case Mulder? After what we've seen-and experienced, how can this lead bring us any closer to the truth? When it gets right down to it, we already know what's there!" "I guess we'll be as close to the truth as usual, but I don't have to tell you this Scully, we have nothing to show for what we've seen. We have no evidence-nothing! Now someone is risking his ass to give us what we need, hard evidence-proof! We can't just turn our backs on this chance," his voice pleaded. "OK Mulder, let's take another chance. Why not! At least we can do this on our own time and if we're lucky, Kersh won't find out what we're up to and haul our sorry butts back to DC." "Don't worry, you're with me and I'm driving. Remember, I'm never wrong-when I'm driving." She laughed out loud, and felt better that she didn't have to hold it in like before. It was so refreshing to be able to express her true self around Mulder. It was getting hard not to laugh at him or with him, whatever the case. Once and a while he could really come up with a good one liner. They drove half the way to Nevada, stopping only frequently. Conversation was never at a standstill. Scully couldn't remember discussing more personal topics with Mulder and it felt perfectly natural. They talked and laughed and once even cried when relating their pasts to one another. Though Mulder required little sleep, the monotony of the long drive was catching up with him. He pulled into a motel lot seemingly in the middle of nowhere and woke Scully. "I'll get the rooms Mulder, if you get the bags," she stated as she flashed a weary smile at him. A few minutes later she was back to the car where Mulder waited with the bags unloaded. "We've got a small problem, Mulder. They only have one room left," she looked tired and frustrated. "Well, we can get some gas here and maybe we'll find another motel further down the highway. I'll load back up." "No, we can handle this," she said swinging the room key in front of her. "Oh, you took it?" he said completely surprised. "Yeah Mulder, we're both adults and we're not on FBI business, well officially anyway, so I don't think we'll be breaking any rules. Anyhow, I'm tired and you look exhausted too." "Fine by me, if you get the door I'll bring in the bags." Scully unlocked the door to the room. All the tension she expected during their journey that hadn't occurred exploded as the door shut behind them. When Mulder suggested she take the bed and he the chair, it brought back the memory of their first case. She remembered that this wasn't the first time they spent the night together in the same motel room. Blushing slightly, Scully remembered how foolish she must have looked bursting into Mulder's room that night and how she didn't think twice about removing her robe to reveal simple mosquito bites that she thought was something else altogether. She smiled as she remembered how Mulder took her quivering form into his arms, comforting her. As stupid as she must have looked, she was grateful for this gesture and spent the rest of the night in Mulder's bed, while he told her his life's story from the floor. That night Scully found herself listening to his theories, most for the first time and learning of his sister's abduction. She realized for the first time that this was the moment she fell in love with Mulder. "What are you grinning about?" Mulder broke the silence. "Huh?" Scully came aware as he broke into her memory. "Oh, nothing," she smiled slightly and blushed even pinker. "No Scully, don't start that "nothing-fine" business. What were you thinking about? I could see the steam coming out of your ears," he said smiling ear to ear as he realized he caught her thinking about him. Scully slyly grinned back, "Really Mulder, it's nothing, just a memory." "Come on!" "I was just remembering . . ." "Yeah, go on," he said loving every minute of this. "The first time we ended up like this . . . you know on our first case." Laughing out loud now, sparing her no mercy, Mulder replied, "Oh yeah, the mosquito bites. I remember thinking you were coming on to me . . . that is until I saw the panic on your face." "It may be funny now, SPOOKY," she emphasized the hated nick-name, but I was scared to death! I guess I wasn't used to being freaked out all the time back then," she said seriously. "I'm sorry Scully," he chuckled, "but you gotta admit, looking at things from my point of view . . ." She put her hands up to her mouth and started to giggle right along with him. With all the bad things that had occurred over the years, they were gratified to find humor in looking back. They ordered pizza and when the delivery guy showed up, Mulder met him at the door and a fresh wave of laughter was added to the poor guy's tip-two bucks and a handful of sunflower seeds. Sitting on the bed eating, Mulder and Scully truly enjoyed each other's company. Piece by piece, they learned about each other's alter-egos, Dana and Fox and liked what they found. They talked and laughed late into the night, conversation ending when Mulder brought up the "Flukeman" thing. "OK, OK Mulder, enough," Scully roared with tears in her eyes from laughter. "I got dibs on the bathroom." Mulder put up his hand mocking her saying, "Sure-fine-whatever!" escalating the hilarity to the point Scully Shhhed him with a smile, thinking they would get a call from the motel manager any minute. As Scully showered, she couldn't seem to stop smiling, even though her facial muscles hurt from overuse or lack of use. She hadn't laughed this much in so long. It was heartwarming to see Mulder react likewise. He had a wonderful sense of humor, this she had always know, yet tonight his smile was different. It was genuine. They were both elated to be with one another. Scully turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself. Her hair was gathered in it's own towel piled on her head. She looked in the mirror and there were her freckles. As quickly as it came she dismissed the idea of putting on makeup. He's seen me looking a lot worse than this she thought and smiled again remembering Antarctica. She winced as she realized she left her night clothes in the room with Mulder. Scully peaked out the bathroom door and saw him sleeping on top of the spread facing her suitcase. She noticed a soft snore as his chest rose and fell slowly, he looked so peaceful. Scully tip-toed bare foot over to her suitcase. She retrieved her p.j.s and a pair of socks then checked over her shoulder to see if he was still sleeping. There was no snoring, yet his breathing was slow and even-coast was clear. As she dropped her towel around her ankles and started to dress, Mulder stole a glance under his lashes. God she was beautiful. He felt a little guilty, but he had told her on several occasions that he was never a sound sleeper. It wasn't entirely his fault. He had been sleeping but was wide-awake again the minute she stepped out of the bathroom. Just the way she smelled, lilac he thought, would have been enough to rouse him yet it was the squeak of the door hinge that did it. His instincts that served him so well in the FBI were a downfall most of the time in his private life. This time his listless sleep habits paid off with an eyeful, and then some. He still feigned sleep as she walked around to the unoccupied side of the bed and slid under the covers. Scully sighed as she realized this was all the blanked she would get from under Mulder's dead weight. He waited for a few minutes after the light was turned off to swing a limp; "non-comprehending" arm over Scully's waist. He felt her stiffen and then relax as she realized he was "asleep." Knowing not to change his breathing pattern and alert her he was far from being asleep, Mulder did allow himself a soft smile in her still damp hair. Sleep was slow coming for him tonight. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Full Circle Part 5 Scully woke the next morning not knowing where she was, yet she felt a sense of security she hadn't felt since her father died. As realization came to her, Scully lifted her head from Mulder's chest. She could feel the blush burning in her cheeks as she moved her arm she found slung low across Mulder's waist. She felt his arm tighten around her possessively as she looked up into his smiling eyes. "Mornin' G-woman." "Morning Mulder." She flashed a quick and awkward smile as she moved from his embrace. He tightened his hold on the small of her back for an instant as he placed a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. "What was that for?" she asked smiling. "For always staying with me when your instincts tell you not to and for being my best friend-through everything." He smiled. "Yeah Mulder, as strange as you may be at times," she giggled, "somehow I've grown addicted to you. God help me!" With this exchange, Scully quickly rolled out of bed and bolted for the bathroom. Behind the door, she felt safe, as these walls were the only obstacles left between her and Mulder. She did love him, but didn't want to. Scully never wanted to depend on or need anyone, yet this was exactly where their relationship had been for years now. She was so frustrated with herself for feeling this way and letting her invisible walls crumble, but things had changed. There was no going back. When Scully came out of the bathroom Mulder was gone. His suitcase had been repacked and was waiting for him at the door. She finished getting her things together thinking in silence. He must be having as much trouble with this as I am. As if on cue, Mulder came through the door carrying two small bags in one hand and two cups of coffee in the other. "Here," he said thrusting one of the bags at her and a cup. "What's this Mulder?" smiling as she questioned his thoughtfulness. "Bagel-cream cheese-low fat of course, and coffee with cream." "After all these years, I didn't think you paid attention to personal details," she stated surprised. "Especially about me." "I remembered the way you take your coffee out of sheer repetition Scully. As far as the bagel goes, if you'll think back to last year when I kindly asked you to do another autopsy, well that bagel remark is something I don't think I'll ever forget!" he half joked and scolded. As Scully tried to hide her smile unsuccessfully, she yielded, "OK, OK Mulder, we've been through this before. I was tired and . . . oh what the hell does it matter. At least you heard me that time!" "What do you mean? "that time." I always listen to you Scully," he rebutted defensively. "No you don't Mulder. Sometimes you make it look like you hear me but I can tell you are miles away. Of course, that's when you're not ditching me!" "I do not!-ditch you." He said mischievously. "Oh-come-on-Mulder!" she laughed sarcastically as she threw her hands in the air. "You do it every chance you get." "I do not," smiling. "Yes-you do," more smiling. "Let's continue this in the car Scully, we gotta get going if we're gonna make Groom Lake in time to meet with my contact." "Mulder, some people might consider changing the subject a form of ditching," Scully added quickly as they left the room. Miles down the road and some 16 hours later, the war over the topic at hand was still being waged, neither side giving an inch. A short truce was found as Scully slept while Mulder drove and listened to the radio. Although he had more quality sleep lately than he had had in a long time, the late night love songs threatened his consciousness as well as his sanity. Scully woke to the sound of gravel under the tires. "What's wrong Mulder?" "Nothing-I'm just getting tired, you mind driving for a while?" "Not at all," she stated releasing her seatbelt. The next battle in this private war was underway as Scully started again in a groggy voice. She was not giving in this time. It was important to her to get this point through Mulder's thick scull. "No matter what you say Mulder, and how light we make of this ditching you say you don't do-it is a real problem for me. You make me feel that you don't trust me enough to even clue me in on important matters to out job. Sometimes it really hurts!" "Scully-you are the "only truth I'm sure of" and I believe in you completely. "You have earned my ultimate trust," he stated mimicking her own private words from the letter in her journal. "What!" she yelled. "What did you just say?-Mulder? Oh my god." Shocked. "You read my journal-didn't you? Those were my personal thoughts Mulder! How could you?" she eyed him with daggers. Mulder could see tears of embarrassment filling Scully's eyes before she turned to face her car door. "Scully-I'm sorry! I was drinking some of your coffee and happened to sit down in your chair . . . it was just open . . . I started reading . . . I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it," he pleaded his case. "Mulder!" she twisted to look him square in the eye. "There is no excuse! You started reading-that was fine, a mistake, but out of consideration for my privacy and maybe just for me, once you realized what it was-you should have stopped." "I know," he said simply as he threw the car into drive and pulled back on to the road. "I thought you were too tired to drive!?" she snapped as she re-buckled her seatbelt. "Oh, I'm awake now," he mumbled. Hours passed in complete silence when Mulder pulled into the parking lot of a small chain motel just outside of Rachel Nevada. "We're here," he announced. "Tired again Mulder? I guess anything's better then letting me drive-right!" she stated sarcastically. "Come on Scully, will you let it go?" Mulder complained exiting his side. "Whatever Mulder, you're always right and I'm always wrong, why should things ever change?" "I'll just go get the rooms then," Mulder said as he gave in to her attitude. As Mulder made his way to the motel office, he reflected the years partnered with Scully and couldn't recall her being more pissed off at him then she was now. He knew he deserved all she was throwing at him and yet somehow, he couldn't help but be disappointed by her reaction, even though he understood it. Scully was right when she said he should have stopped reading when he realized this personal text was not meant for him-but he just couldn't. He was as drawn to Scully's thoughts as he was to her soul. I have to fix this. I can't let things go on this way, Mulder thought to himself, not when we're so close. As Mulder walked up to Scully, she didn't say a word to him and just stood there with her hand extended for her key. "Here you go. You're room 10, I'm 13." "Yeah, you act that age enough Mulder," she said as she did an about face heading to her room. Mulder followed a few paces behind and flinched as Scully slammed her door. He unlocked the door to his room and went inside. It took all of two seconds for him to notice the adjoining door to Scully's room just from the noise therein. She was slamming every thing around in demonstration or for effect. It was working. Mulder racked his brain to try to figure a way out of this one. That's when he heard the sobs through the door. "Scully, I don't know how to say how sorry I am," he talked to the door. "Please . . . let's talk . . ." "Mulder! Just leave me alone. The last thing I need to do is talk to you!" she shouted back at him. "Please Scully! It was a big mistake! Don't hate me over this, I've given you much more to hate me for in the past," trying for humor-failed. "Yeah, I do ditch you. It's not anything against you, just a bad habit I intend on breaking," honesty-something new-nothing. "Come on Scully! If I knew how to express myself that way, I would have written the same things about you. Don't you know that? Scully? I . . . I'm so sorry," he almost whispered as he walked away form the door. Behind him, the door opened with a creak. "I don't hate you Mulder. I don't think I ever did or ever could. Maybe that's the problem," Scully spoke, her eyes wet with tears. She kept walking right into Mulder's open arms as her own slid naturally around his waist. Her cheek settled on his chest with his chin resting on the top of her head, a position of comfort she'd grown to love. "I'm sorry too Mulder, I just wasn't ready for you to know how I really felt about us," she whispered as her tears dampened his shirt. His fingers found her chin and lifted her face so she looked directly into his hazel eyes. "I already knew," he said simply as he bent and kissed away her salty tears. His soft full lips brushed hers, ever so lightly as if asking permission. Scully responded, tracing her fingers across the nape of Mulder's neck, pulling him even closer. Their kiss deepened in a raw emotion and that unveiled five years of friendship, loss, trust, hope and timeless love. Scully ran her hands over Mulder's chest and up to his shoulders. She helped him to shrug off the black leather jacket he still wore. His hands framed her face to hold her close as only the shedding of clothes broke their kiss. At this particular moment in time, nothing the world threw at them, not the Syndicate's conspiracies, Cancerman's threats or an alien invasion, could distract the intensity between them. They fell softly onto the bed and into each other's arms. All the pent-up hunger stored so deep in the preceding years, exploded as they explored the only mysteries of each other not yet revealed. Scully looked up into Mulder's eyes and noticed they were glazed with unshed tears. "Mulder? What's wrong?" she breathed, her brow furrowed in concern. "Nothing Scully, I'm perfect because of you," he let one tear slide down his cheek as his hand came up and caressed hers. "You complete me." He didn't have to say anything Scully thought. His eyes, dark with passion and love said it all. Large hands cradled her face, "Scully-Dana, I love you, from the depths of my soul. You are the center of my universe." Scully smiled the truest-genuine smile he had ever seen grace her beautiful face. "Mulder, I've loved you forever." Like so many nights past, neither in this partnership got enough sleep. Partners---the word in its purest form. Rest did finally come, and peace touched their entangled souls. They had found the truth, in each other. The end