Date: Sat, 12 Jul 1997 20:07:56 -0400
From: Lindsay Livermore <livermore@bbt.org>
Subject: Submission:  "Full House: The Tradition Continues"

Title:  "Full House:  The Tradition Continues"
Rating:  G
Category:  SH
Spoilers:
Keywords:  Alternate universe
Summary:  The "Full House" crew moves to Michigan...

Thanks!


Full House: The Tradition Continues
by Lindsay Livermore

DISCLAIMER: Oh, fine... Characters of Mulder and Scully are copyright of
 		Ten Thirteen Productions and Chris Carter. The "Full House"
 		series belongs to Sheryl Martin. All other characters are 		mine... oh, wait, there aren't any other characters. :^)
		Enjoy... please send all comments to livermore@bbt.org.

Here we go...
 
BAM!!! *front door slams open* "Hello? Hello-oo... ?"
"Honey? I'm home!"
"We come in peace..."
*writer pokes head out of computer room* "Right, Mulder, to destroy your 
life and annoy you out of house and home." *looks around* "What are you two doing here?"
"Well, Sheryl kicked us out so we decided to take a vacation..."
Oh goody - what stunt did they pull _this_ time?
"...so we got a list of fanfiction writers and pulled names out of a briefcase."
"It was between you and Mike Aulfrey, but we couldn't afford airfare to Australia and besides, Michigan's not that far from Ontario, so..."
*writer sighs* "Why'd you guys have to pick on me? I haven't written anything in years."
"Oh, right. And what do you call this directory named "FileFiction" on your hard-drive?"
"But that's age-old... I haven't written anything new in a while."
"Nothing you've posted, anyway."
"Well, there was that one poem..."
"Fine. You want we should go stay with Puffy Boy? You know, that twit who made all those sick posts about that actress on the Internet a few years ago? Puffy bosoms, or something like that?"
"Mulder, don't even say that. Just thinking about him gives me creeps."
"OK, Scully, I'll stay here and you can move in with Frohike for a while."
"Ugh - you little..." CRASH!!! *house shakes as Mulder flies into the wall*
Oh, joy...

THUMP THUMP THUMP! *computer room door swings open* "Hey, we're gonna rent a couple of movies. Where's your video store card?"
"Look in the junk box, it's on the kitchen counter." *bangs head on desk 
while untangling printer cables* "OW... What brought the movie binge on?"
"Well, Scully just lost her wallet and its contents in a game of gin, so I offered it back if she went to get movies. But she said she didn't want to 
go alone."
"I SAID, Mulder, that I didn't exactly relish the idea of having to drive 
your car at night by myself. With my luck, I'd try to turn the headlights 
on, knock down the trash bag, and slowly asphyxiate as the car filled with sunflower seed hulls."
"No, you said..."
"THE TWO OF YOU! ENOUGH! Here is the Blockbuster card, my mom's car keys, 
and your coats. Now go get your movies - and I have a restricted card, you can't rent NC17 movies with it.  So don't try."
"Oh darn - can I get 'Alien Autopsy' instead?"
"Don't push it, Mulder, or I'll go get the movies myself and you'll be stuck with 'The Brady Bunch Movie.'"
"Pretty Please..."
"GO!!!"

The door slams, leaving relative peace. I clean up the mess as best as I 
can, then plop down at my computer and pick up my mail. Hmmm... one message, from Sheryl Martin. Reply time...

To: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org <Sheryl Martin>
From: livermore@bbt.org <Lindsay Livermore>
Cc:
Attachments:
Subject: Roommates

	Dear Sheryl, 
Your friends just moved in with me... they're a real joy to have around. NOT!!! What did I ever do to you? <:*(



BAM! *door slams open* "We're ba-ack..."
"What did you get?"
"_Apollo 13_, _The Abyss_, and a $50 charge."
*writer chokes* "FIFTY DOLLARS!!! How the heck did that get there?"
"Don't ask."
"Well, Mulder tried to rent _2010_, but they didn't have it in. So he went berserk... I had to physically restrain him from punching out the desk clerks."
Goodbye movies, at least for the next 6 months... why me?
"And so?"
"He took out a few tiers of shelves before I got him under control."
"And they _still_ let you rent the movies?"
"No, we went to the video store at Kroger's."
"How so? They don't accept out-of-state driver's licenses, and there aren't any Krogers in Washington."
*Mulder holds out my Kroger card* "I'll bet you never knew it was gone."
Destructive behavior, petty thievery... what next? 

Time for more e-mail. I open up my address book and start searching. Hemak, Jason... Jakobsen, Lauren... Livermore, Shawn... ah, here it is. Martin, Sheryl. I start typing...

To: Sheryl_Martin@tvo.org <Sheryl Martin>
From: livermore@bbt.org <Lindsay Livermore>
Cc:
Attachments:
Subject: Re: Roommates

Sorry about my earlier rant... these guys are a real handful. ;) You must be some kind of saint to put up with these two plus Jackie for so long - they aren't an inspiration, they're a block...<vbg>


*computer room door swings open* "Does the word 'privacy' mean anything to you?"
"Sorry, we just wanted to know if we could make some popcorn."
"Can you do that without burning the house down?"
"Oh please, I can so make popcorn. In fact, I am known in the Violent 
Crimes Division as the Popcorn King. You owe His Majesty's popcorn an apology."
Popcorn King? If that's not a hoot and a half I don't know what is...
"Come on, we'll split it with you..."
"Oh, all right... Popcorn's in the cabinet above the stove, cooking oil 
is in the pantry, pots are in the cupboard under the stove.  Just be careful, we have a radiant cooktop and it heats up really fast."
"Thanks! You won't regret this!"
Why does that somehow signal impending doom?

BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BLAM! Dumb printer, I absolutely hate when it does that... wait a minute, something smells like... burnt popcorn.

Burnt popcorn?

Oh, NO...

Thick gray smoke bellows from the kitchen. There's fricasseed popcorn everywhere. A shell-shocked Mulder and Scully emerge from the cloud, pot of torched popcorn in hand.
"Oh geez, wouldja look at this mess... Can't I leave you two alone for 
fifteen minutes without you causing enough trouble to supply the tri-county area?"
"Well, it's only one pot... Mulder wanted to double the recipe..."
"The popcorn wouldn't pop, so we put the heat on high, the oil caught 
fire, and we couldn't put it out."
"That's what a fire extinguisher is for. There's one under the sink, in 
case you didn't notice."
"We didn't want you to find out, so we tried to throw the popcorn outside. 
But then the smoke alarm went off, so Mulder shot it down to make it stop beeping."
"You WHAT!?!"
Great, now I have radioactive smoke-alarm waste to clean up as well as the dirty dish 
from hell...

Mulder's sacked out and snoring on the couch, surprise surprise. The man sounds like a chainsaw once he gets going. Scully and I are trying to clean up the worst of the mess.
"Is he always like this?"
"Don't worry, you get used to it after a while."
"That sounds dangerous."
"You think this is bad, you ought to see his side of the office."
Fifteen minutes later, Scully's curled up in the recliner, also out like a light. There's still burnt popcorn, lots of it, all over the house. This'll take years to clean up... my parents get home in 15 minutes... I grab the afghan, the dog, the remote, and some burnt popcorn and turn on "Mystery Science Theater 3000" - maybe this is just a bad dream.

*sound of door opening* "Hello? Linds? We're home..."

Maybe not...


Did you like it?  Let me know - send your comments to livermore@bbt.org.
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