From: "c directo" Date: Tue, 30 Nov 1999 01:39:11 PST Subject: Story submission Source: direct Title: Full of Grace Author: Cher A. Category: V, MSR Spoilers: Amor Fati Summary: Post-epi Mulder finishing his thought Rating: G Archive: Yes, but drop me an email before you do. Email: Ximina@hotmail.com Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully don't belong to me, they belong to CC & 1013. Author's notes: I was listening to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball when I wrote this and felt the title was appropriate. Also, this is my first fanfic, though I have read many many many...so if you all would be kind and send me feedback! =) But please be nice or I will cry. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx My eyes close; I can hear the click of her heels on the floor becoming less and less audible as she moves away from me. I imagined being in my special place. I see myself with the boy, still unsure who he is or what he is to me. But the boy is there, and he is letting me help him build my space ship. It's good to feel calm again. To have no thoughts in my head but my own, and this is reflected in the surroundings. We, the boy and I have completed the space ship. The smile we exchange is more than I could possibly comprehend. There is triumph, sorrow and compassion in the smile. He jumps of the ship and looks up at me smiling. I grin back at him, waving a goodbye. My outstretched arms are wide, embracing the whole world, accepting the truths yet untold. I glance back toward the boy who is walking away from me. I used to wonder where he went; now I understand. The decision is made for me, as it has always been. I jump off the ship and follow the boy. When I overtake him, I grab his hand and smile down at his shining face. He looked up sharply when I grabbed his hand and realizing it was I his face breaks into an open mouth grin. He is happy we are walking together. Soon we are walking over the next dune. I finally locate the woman we are walking toward. She is looking over the ocean, searching. She is serene, her flaming hair whisking slightly against the warm breeze and her beautiful form, still and waiting with expectation. She began as an intrusion; a nonety I tried to frighten away with horror and evasion. My happiness is in her warmth, her fearlessness and her tenacity. She invaded my obsession and now, I would be lost without her. Seven years ago I saw her pretty face smiling at me, her intelligence shining through her eyes. She wore her feelings in her expressions. She was a pretty woman then. But over the years her looks have change. The bubbly effervescent she use to be is gone. The ever-ready smile is gone. The youthful idealistic outlook is gone. The youth in her is gone. Now she is somber from the things she has seen. The cynicism is set even more into her psyche. The tragedy is borne in her features. Her beautiful sapphire eyes, though multifaceted had over time turned into the gemstones they resembled. And although jaded expressions are not usually on her face, I can feel them. Yes, the years and experiences have etched their burdens on her face, on her soul, and she grew beautiful from it. To those people who do not know her well, her Madonna like face gave illusion of serenity. But I know the truth; her facade is her wall. Her serenity, a lie. She smiles at those to speak with her. Her acceptance of compliments and criticism when due, is done with a twitch of the eyebrow, maybe a half smile. Even her anger has a look of serenity; an anger so hot sometimes it's froze. Though if you look deeply into her eyes you will see the concrete and mortar. When I look at her, I sometimes see a fragile beauty; an ethereal creature so soft and breakable, that the least bit of bend would shatter her. But that is a false perception. She is strong as steel, and as sharp. Her mind is a weapon. I know behind that façade of serenity her mind is working, gathering facts, analyzing, concluding; that it is with fierce determination to find truth, not a dwelling in peace. The only time I have seen true peace on her face was during slumber, and even that could be broken by the various nightmares suffered over the years of terrifying experiences. Sword is an appropriate term for her. She is a double-edged sword used to stop dangerous men and women. And I am ashamed to say; I have used her on occasion. Her edge bites indiscriminately, for good or ill to those who choose to deceive. I have been on the receiving end of her razor. It is unpleasant. But for all her strength and stamina sometimes I wonder. The load we have had to carry is not lightening, only compounding in weight. This burden with it's frenzied highs and lows would have broken a strong spirit. I wonder when the load will to be heavy, and when she will snap. This is a notion I do not contemplate often. The companionship she provided in my journey has been invaluable. Some when during our walk, my quest became ours and our companionship became a partnership. And these past years, she has been my counterweight, the ground on which I stand on as I reach for the stars. She offers my soul stability. Her presence is my solace. She is my soul's mate. She is my truth. She is my touchstone. Her presence has become a need. If she were taken away again, if she died, I would go on. I would continue this quest alone. Alone, as I was before her essence touched me. But I have enough memories to last the rest of my life; of the brief moments when our spirits connected and became one in this lifetime. Until we are reborn and meet in the next physical reality. The boy tugs his hand away from me and runs to her. She catches him in her arms holding him tenderly, as a mother would. As our physical proximity closes, our emotions and thoughts also unite. I feel her opening to me, completely. And finally, she is reaching with her tranquil eyes, for me. My eyes open, I am back in this dark reality. Her footsteps are gone, but I still feel her presence. In times of crisis and serenity my safe place has only been populated by the boy and me. Now Scully is there and it is a place where she belongs. I have bided my time and my waiting is almost over. Soon. Soon, my dreams will be reality and she will be in my arms to stay. We will be ensconced in our timeless embrace, souls so entwined that death could never break our bond. We will be together, we will live and we will love. For eternity.