From: "Scully in her Grade 12 moire taffeta prom dress" Subject: fanfiction: Gabe II: Note to Gary Rogers Date sent: Tue, 24 Jun 1997 22:37:48 PDT ****Chicken Pop Country**** Umm, okay. Forced out of my self imposed non fanfic cationic state by a certain little fanfic vignette called "Gabe"..... NOTE TO GARY ROGERS..... um if you have no earthy damned idea who the hell I am I am extremely sorry about this story but if you email me at ******aeslehcnametab@hotmail.com****** I would love to speak with you because your perplexing little vignette has striking similarities to a certain relationship of mine with a boy named Gabe.... And if this so applies....NOTE TO GABE.... read on.... This may not make a whole hell of a lot of sense but for the sake of two star crossed lovers, please, kind hearted archivists who feed my addiction so endearingly, please archive this any ways..... I don't know rating or categories or keywords or anything... just post the damned thing with none of it cause I seriously doubt anyone will understand it... Gabe II: Note to Gary Rogers By Aeslehc Nametab Hmm...... She had thought she had moved on... she thought she was past all this, that by putting up an seemingly unbreakable wall she would be able to shut him out and shut out her feelings of such painfully unreachable love.... *He taught me everything I know* she thought with an ironic smile. But, much as it hadn't worked for him, it hadn't worked for her either. Somehow, after he had left, after all the time she spent trying to block that very stream of energy that they had spent their last days together coveting, she found herself feeling him again. It had all started quite innocently, a letter to a friend, a mutual friend of them both. It had started as any other letter between friends, regular updating of life events, a counting of latest piercings, tattoos, bars that she had been frequenting, girls she was flirting with when she found herself stumbling onto the subject of *him*. She found herself pouring out her heart about their relationship, and with the clarity that one gains once standing at a time distance of something. She realized how much their hearts had been tied together as they had healed one another, that in one another they had recognized a soul mate. She finally begun to understand the passion that Melissa had spewed out to Mulder when her soul had called out to him "But I miss you so much." She did miss him... it seemed like right now, in this phase of this life, that the fate gods had set them so far apart emotionally and geographically. She knew now, though, that it was for a good reason, that they both needed this independent time to dance with their demons.... she found it so ironic that they had returned in this life time they way they had, he a straight male, she a gay female. She had batted around the sexual issues for sometime, for it was sex that had driven such a wedge in between them near the end. She realized now, in her calmed controlled state, that it was a mute point in the great scheme of things. She had been with him sexually a thousand times before in a thousand different bodies before, so it was alright if he and she weren't exactly sexual compatible in this lifetime. But she knew why she had pushed him on the sex issues though. It was because of the incredible intimacy they shared; a psychic, emotional and mental intimacy that she had never felt with anyone, let alone a male. It was because of this intimacy and her comfort with it that she had pushed him to stay with her in a dynamic of their relationship that he wasn't comfortable with. She just wanted something that would be forever from him; a baby, his seed, his and her first sexual experience. But what she didn't realize is that she already had something that was forever from him. She had something with him that they both knew existed in realms where time wasn't even a concept. She already had her forever with him, and no amount of miles or sexual issues or private demons that tried to cloud that beautiful clarity that they had first shared at their conception in the Beginning could come between them. She knew not what to make of the cryptic message that had been presented to her, still thinking him to be hidden deep in the womb of the Goddess Mother. What was she to make of this almost painful reminder of the incredible time they had shared? More over she smiled inwardly at his reaction to what she was now... she smiled up at the beautiful Luna she worshiped so adoringly and spoke to him with a smile in her voice, as she clutched his black sweater to her chest. Oh Gabe, you'd hardly even recognize me anymore. I got another tattoo, I go to all the gay bars and flirt shamelessly with the women there. Since you left my courage seems to have skyrocketed. I have done things some would never dream of, all in my search for the Truth. No more games to play to waste my time, I brazenly approach people and situations and demand to know what is really up instead of dancing through their little mazes. But I have been ill recently, in and out of the hospital, and in this time I have reflected upon you and I and on others that I am perusing right now. I know much clarity, more than I could ever express to you through the damned medium of computer font. My invite to you sweetheart is to call me visit me with no expectations, for trust me there is none now. But to speak with me let us met voice to voice and lets us pick up where we dropped the ball and continue on as friends. For I do miss you my chicken pop Agapae from your Little Bit. i feel like every once in a while i am giving a glimpse into your soul where you are vulnerable to me without your knowledge of it like a naked child free of shame in her innocence -------------------------------------------------------- - Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com -------------------------------------------------------- -