TITLE:  The Genesis Project
AUTHOR:  aRcaDIaNFall$

- SCULLY POV -

I stared at her. What was she talking about? Pretending could get
dangerous? Well, yeah, it could, but ...well, maybe I hadn't been
stepping too carefully tonight. Maybe I shouldn't have acted so
impulsive and irrationally. Now was not the best time to start letting
my feelings run wild. Definately not. I wondered if there'd ever be
the right time... 
I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned to face Mulder,
drawing a deep breath. "Well?"

Mulder raised his eyebrows enigmatically. He glanced around, then pushed 
me forward gently. "Let's walk and talk." 

We all quickly pulled on our coats, then Mulder pushed the door open 
and we all stepped out into the cold wind. 

"Up, Duckie!" Joshua cried immediately, tugging at Jacqueline's sleeve. 
She bent down and he clambered up onto her back, his arms gripping 
around her neck tightly as she stood again, seemingly unaffected by the 
weight of the toddler.

Astrid frowned when she saw the special treatment her brother was 
recieving and followed his example, tugging at her sister's sleeve and 
demanding to be picked up. "I can't, Astrid," was Jacqueline's gentle 
response, "I can only give one of you a piggyback ride at a time."

Astrid's frown deepened. "But you always used to give me piggybacks, 
Duckie!" she pointed out. "'Sides, Josh can walk by himself!"

"So can you," Jacqueline pointed out with a barely restrained smile.
Mulder and I continued to trudge along the streetlight-lit footpath 
with bemused smiles as Astrid danced around Jacqueline, alternatively 
cajoling and pouting.

"I think there's only one solution to this problem," Mulder announced,
the first he'd spoken since we'd left the diner. He caught Astrid by 
the arm as she skipped past him and lifted her high off the ground, 
holding her under her arms like a squiming baby. "You want a piggyback 
ride?" he inquired innocently.

Astrid nodded, lips set determinedly, and Mulder let her down to the
ground, crouching down so that she could climb up his back and sit on
his shoulders, her hands gripping around his forehead tightly. Mulder 
mock-groaned as he stood up again, gripping the child's jeans-clad legs 
tightly. "I said back, not neck," he scolded.

"I'm taller than you, Fox!" Astrid shrieked. "I'm the tallest person in 
the whole wide world!"

"You hold on tight up there, 'k?" he called upwards. He was answered 
with a giggle. After another minute's wait as Joshua climbed up to 
Jacqueline's shoulders, grabbing large clumps of her hair and using them 
as reigns, they picked up their pace again, Astrid and Joshua squealing 
at each other over our heads.

"Kids," Mulder said in mock-disgust, even as he grinned. 

I felt myself shaking with silent laughter. "Mulder, this is an x-file 
in itself," I said wryly. I rolled my eyes and bit down more laughter. 
"Is this the sort of parent you'd be?"

"What's wrong with being this sort of parent?" Mulder challenged,
stopping to turn around in a few quick circles, making Astrid shriek 
happily, as though to prove his point.

I smiled, opening my mouth to retort, but instead closing it and looking 
at him thoughtfully. "There's nothing wrong with it," I said, shaking 
my head slowly, amazed by the realisation. I could hear the wonder in
my own voice as I added softly, "It's perfect."

We both slowed to a stop, evoking cries of protest from Astrid, which 
neither of us more than barely registered. "Really?" Mulder asked 
quietly. He was staring at me intently.

I drew a deep breath, nodding. "Yeah," I admitted. I licked my lips, 
unable to draw my fascinated gaze from Mulder's face. This was 
incredible. How come I'd never seen Mulder as a father before? Even 
with Emily, although I'd contemplated the thought, I'd never really
pictured it. He was great with kids. How come I hadn't seen that before?
It was -

"Come on, lovebirds," Jacqueline called impatiently, hiding a smile.

Mulder and I broke the gaze and stared at Jacqueline disbelievingly.
Was it really that obvious, or could she just see these things..?
Astrid, not as intrigued by the situation as her sister was, pulled 
Mulder's hair. "Go horsie," she demanded.

It wasn't until they reached the motel room door that I realised,
"You didn't tell me what Frohike said."

Mulder unlocked the door and pushed it open, then took a step back when 
he realised he couldn't fit through the door. "Time to get down," 
he announced to Astrid, bending down so she could slide off. Once her 
feet were on the ground, she flung her arms around Mulder's neck and 
gave him an affectionate thank you kiss on the nose before running 
inside after Jacqueline and Joshua. I watched the whole scene with 
a bittersweet, reflective smile, leaning against the bricked outside 
wall of the motel. I wondered what Mulder was thinking. Was he as 
unhappy that he was missing out on fatherhood as I was sometimes that I 
was missing out on motherhood? From the expression on his face I was
really starting to think I'd underestimated him.

"Quite a night," he commented, pulling the door closed to quieten the 
playful shrieks from within and leaning against it.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Everything's different when you have kids." 
I smiled, then felt flustered. "I didn't mean... you know, I just meant 
being with kids... being responsible for them."

Mulder smiled. "Yeah. It changes everything."

We both nodded thoughtfully, then I frowned. "Mulder... everything?"
I didn't want everything to change. There were some things I couldn't
bear changed or lost.

Mulder bit his lip, looking down at the ground pensively. "Maybe
... not everything," he conceded. He looked up, reaching up to stroke 
my cheek briefly, his mouth working as if he wanted to say something. 
But he pulled away, reaching to open the door and step inside the motel
room without even looking back.

I leaned back against the brick for a moment with my eyes closed, 
exhaling loudly, feeling so terribly disappointed, then I pulled myself 
upright again, following him into the room and pulling the door shut 
after myself automatically. 
"Mulder, you still haven't -"

"-Told you what Frohike told me," Mulder interrupted, his back to me as 
he fiddled with the TV. "Yeah, I know. " I could see him draw a deep 
breath before he turned to face me. "They're covering it up, Scully."

"Who are?" I took a step closer to him out of habit but then stopped 
myself from taking another, somehow afraid that he would take a step 
back. I hoped desperately I hadn't scared him off with that kiss in
the diner earlier. Wait, no, I won't call it a kiss, because it wasn't
really. And I don't even know why I did it, even now. Something just
came over me, something that gave me enough courage to do that. I just
prayed desperately that it wasn't something I was going to regret...

"Everyone," Mulder said dismissively. "There is no longer any record of 
this crime being committed - or of the Genesis Project and employees. 
Frohike contacted the MacFarlane Corporation and they denied the 
existence of anything called the Genesis Project, as well as employing
Cate and Roger Moss. All the paperwork on the case has disappeared - 
the case has been taken out of the hands of the local PD and the story
is apparently that the Moss' were diplomats and the enquiry into their
deaths would be handled by a higher authority."

Diplomats? Yeah, right. I crossed my arms. "So they're just... burying 
it." I was silent for a moment, contemplating. "Where does that leave 
us?"

Mulder shook his head slowly. "I don't think the game is over yet,
Scully. I think they've gotten the formal investigation dropped so that 
they can go about their merry business with us and the kids without the 
cops getting in the way."

I licked my lips again. They were dry and salty from the fries earlier. 
"So our worst case scenario is that they catch us... and then what? They 
kill the kids? That's not hard, we know they have no moral dilemmas when 
it comes to that. These kids don't exist according to state records. The 
only people who know about them are the people working on the Genesis 
Project and... us." I shivered despite myself and continued with more 
anger, "And hell, they might as well just kill us off too, maybe make it 
look like an accident or an alien abduction or something. I doubt 
anybody would be particularly shocked if we never came back from a case. 
Nobody cares about our work anyway." I threw my arms up in despair then 
shook myself, turning away. "I'm going to call it a night, Mulder. 
You're on first watch." I felt tired, just rotten and tired and angry,
and I wanted nothing more than to curl up under the covers and hide
from the world. But Mulder reached out to catch my shoulder and I 
stopped still. He swung me around slowly to face him, putting his other 
hand on my shoulder so that he was holding me firmly in front of him. I 
swallowed, then closed my eyes with a tired sigh. "I'm sorry, Mulder, 
that was unfair."

"Don't stress out on me, okay Scully?" Mulder asked earnestly, his
thumbs rubbing gently against my shoulders. "I need you to keep me 
sane, just like always."

I opened my eyes and lifted my head slowly to look at him, nodding 
and biting my lip. I turned away without a word, slipping out of 
his grip and moving toward the bathroom, past Jacqueline, who had 
been dressing the two children in their pajamas and, I think, 
secretly watching us.


       - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 


- MULDER POV - 

Joshua and Astrid bounded around the room as they waited for the
bathroom to be free, playing some game which seemed to me, as I half 
watched, to have something to do with dogs. I shook my head, returning 
my attention to the TV, flicking channels until I found a news program. 
It seemed strange to recognise programs while virtually everything 
around me was unfamiliar. It was as though Scully and I had found 
ourselves in a different world - the world of parenthood, I reflected 
wryly. I smiled when I thought about how alive I'd felt tonight, and was 
still grinning when I looked up to find Scully standing in front of me, 
blocking the TV. 

"You gonna watch that all night?" she shot out the question, and I was 
surprised. I guess I should have realised the directness of it was out
of tiredness more than anything else. She looked pretty exhausted. I
guess that being caged in all day like we had been was a strain on her
nerves. It was a bit of a strain on mine.

"Uh, no, sorry, I'll turn it off if you want to get some sleep.." I 
half-stood as I rambled out my apology, but Scully just shook her 
head, pushing me back down on the edge of the bed. "S'okay, just don't 
turn it up too loud."

My gaze followed her as she crossed behind me and pulled back the covers 
of the bed, undoing the tie of her robe and dropping it to the ground. 
My eyes ranged over her silk clad body appreciatively, and it wasn't 
until I reached her face that I realised that she was staring at me. 
Oops.
"What?" she frowned.

I let a small smile creep across my face. "Everything's fine, Scully. 
You get some sleep, I'll make sure the kids are quiet."

Scully nodded, yawning as she reached to turn off the bedside lamp, 
leaving our half of the room in darkness and the other half in 
yellowish light.

I wiggled closer off the edge of the bed as I realised how disconcert-
ingly close Scully's form was in the bed to me as I sat on the edge of 
the end. "Um, Scully, do you want me to move the TV so I'm not sitting 
on the bed? It's just... you know, if it's in your way..."

"Forget it, Mulder, it's fine," came the muffled, sleepy response.
"I sleep curled up most of the time anyway."

"Yeah, I've noticed that," I observed, grinning, wondering if she'd
kick me for it.

Scully pulled herself upright enough to look at me, puzzled but 
challengingly. "You make a habit of watching me sleep, do you?" she 
asked with a raised eyebrow.

I shrugged, feeling almost shy, and was about to mutter a response 
when a form came flying out from the bathroom and landing on the bed.
Scully groaned, burrowing under the covers. "It's my bedtime, and it's 
your bedtime too, Astrid," she muttered. "We can play some games 
tomorrow, 'k?"

I grabbed the four year old and tickling her. "Come on, little miss, 
Dana's trying to sleep." It was funny - that nickname just came out.
That was what my dad used to call Sam.
I pulled Astrid off the bed and half onto my lap, where she at least 
wouldn't disturb Scully.

"I don't want to sleep, Fox," Astrid informed me, slipping out of my
grip and giving my hair a small tug before dashing off again.

"What are you kids, hyperactive or something?" I asked incredulously as 
I watched the two of them racing around the room, doing somersaults on 
the empty bed, but lucky - for them - avoiding Scully's.
I wished that we had a bigger motel room - somewhere with more room for 
them to run around than a small, cramped space which was surely not 
designed to fit five people, two of which were acting haywire tonight...
Astrid ran past me, Joshua on her heels, and with a sudden sense of 
their recklessness, I grabbed Joshua by the collar of his pajama shirt, 
bringing him to a halt.  But Joshua had just grabbed on to his sister, 
and his sudden, jerking stop sent her flying forward and hitting a small 
reading lamp which sat in the corner of the room, its powercord wound 
around it's base. 



       - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

The sound of glass shattering jerked me back from the verge of sleep.
I sat up, startled. Astrid was lying in a pile of broken glass and 
twisted metal, staring at Jacqueline, who came running from the 
bathroom, with dazed eyes, drawing a choked, wheezing breath.
I fumbled to switch on the bedside light, at the same time scrambling 
to get out of bed. I was tangled in the sheets and I almost tumbled out,
somehow managing to right myself. I reached Astrid at the same time
as Jacqueline, and bent down to examine her. She was lying still,
whimpering softly, still looking at us with those dazed eyes. I felt 
absolutely terrified.
"Astrid, Astrid," I called urgently, "Can you hear me? It's Dana."

Her lower lip trembled and her eyes seemed to focus a little. Then she
began to cry, not screaming in pain like I'd seen little kids with bad
injuries do in the past, but just cry, like somebody had taken her
favorite teddy bear away or she'd grazed her knee.

Jacqueline reached out, trying to pull Astrid up into her lap, but I
put a hand on her arm to stop her. "No, you can't move her in case she 
has internal injuries. She hit the wall hard."

"She'll be fine," Jacqueline said, calmly if not even exasperatedly,
still trying to pull her still-crying sister toward her.

"We need to call 911," I argued, pulling as much debris as I could out 
of the way and checking for any broken limbs, expecting at any time to
hear a wail of pain and getting none.

"You don't understand," Jacqueline said with growing frustration.
She pushed Joshua away from behind her, then continued, "She'll be 
fine. She just needs to sit upright and calm down."

"She may have internal injuries!" I half-shouted. This was so damn
frustrating. I felt Astrid's pulse then turned. "Mulder, dammit, call 
911."

Mulder pulled out his cel phone, then hesitated. "Scully, we can't
take her to a hospital. It's not secure enough. They draw blood tests 
and we've got no hope of staying hidden."

I half rose, staring at him, feeling utter despair. "Then Mulder, what 
can we do?"

"We can start by getting all these shards of glass out, that's what,"
Jacqueline interrupted. I turned back to find Astrid standing upright, 
her back to Jacqueline as she tried to pull out all the tiny shards of 
glass which had embedded themselves in Astrid's pajamas and through to 
the skin. 

I stared in amazement for a moment, biting down another protest, and 
watched as Jacqueline brushed small pieces of glass from her sister's 
hair, and then a larger piece from the side of her neck, where it had 
left a small trail of blood. Then I jumped when I saw the wound close 
up, leaving only the already drying blood.

"Ohmigod," I murmured disbelievingly. I turned to Mulder, who was 
watching with shining eyes. "Mulder, did you see that?" I whispered, 
awed. I shook my head as I returned my gaze to Astrid, whose sniffles 
had stopped and animation was returning. She was jumping about 
impatiently as Jacqueline eased off the now torn and stained pajama top, 
exposing Astrid's back with a collection of already healing cuts, only a 
few small droplets of shed blood. 

"This is unbelieveable," I murmured, shaking my head. "It's... it's 
scientifically impossible." I turned to Jacqueline. "I thought that -" 
I just shook my head, pulling myself to my feet and turning to Mulder, 
who had Joshua clinging to his leg. 

"Joshua, I think it's time you get into bed, young man," I told him, 
needing to do something. I prised him off Mulder's leg and picked him 
up, balancing him on my hip as I automatically went into Aunty-Dana-
mode.

"Astrid's going to be okay?" he whimpered, looking up at me imploringly.

"Yeah, she's going to be fine," I assured him with a smile, adding 
"You're a tough bunch, you are."

"We're the tough trio," he assured me solemnly as I dropped him down 
onto the bed and pulled back the covers for him. He wiggled in and 
looked at me warily. "Is Duckie going to come say goodnight?"

I nodded slowly, flashing him the reassuring smile once more.
"Yes, sweetie, Duckie's going to say goodnight in a little while. She's 
just got to get Astrid a bit cleaned up first, okay?"

Joshua nodded, pulling the covers right up around his neck and closing 
his eyes. I watched him for a moment before retreating, feeling 
there was still some barrier of distrust and wariness the small boy had 
put up. Astrid was an openly affectionate child, and Jacqueline,
yesterday so sullen, angry and scared, had been so different today, more 
accepting and friendly, for reasons I couldn't see or understand. 
But Joshua was still a mystery to me, the little boy with the short 
curly brown hair and enormous blue-grey eyes which seemed wise beyond 
his years.

I returned to my bed, sitting cross legged-bedside Mulder. We were both 
silent for a few moments as we watched Jacqueline pulling a fleecy 
sweater down over Astrid's now healed torso and then brush her sister's 
hair gently, despite Astrid's squirms and obvious dislike at the task.
"That's so incredible," I murmured. "Mulder, the speed with which..." 
I broken off, shaking my head in disbelief. 

"It is pretty incredible," Mulder agreed softly, reaching out to finger
the silk of my pajamas absently. I noticed the gesture curiously, but 
said nothing. I was in no great hurry to point it out to him if he
didn't realise what he was doing. And if he did realise what he was
doing... well, did I really want him to stop? I didn't know. 
We watched again as Jacqueline tucked Astrid into bed, breaking the 
silence only when she approached us hesitantly.

I licked my lips. "How -" I stopped, shaking my head. "How could that 
have happened?"

Jacqueline let out a deep breath. "They altered some of the cells that
control skin and flesh cell behavior - speeding up the healing process 
from days or weeks or even months to -"

"To seconds," I finished, shaking my head in disbelief. It still sounded
impossible, completely impossible...

Jacqueline nodded. "Both Astrid and Joshua are like that."

"Not you?" Mulder queried.

She shook her head. "No, with me they didn't tamper with everything as 
much. Their main objective was to simply to construct a human being out 
of genetic materials using totally artificial methods. The 
experimentation for a superior human being only began later." She 
flashed us a brief smile. "I'm going to bed now, if that's okay."

I nodded, frowning as I contemplated something. As Jacqueline started to 
move away I said softly, "Jacqueline?"

"Yeah?" The girl turned slowly and looked at me attentively.

I bit my lip. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I should have listened 
to you and I didn't. It was a mistake."

Jacqueline nodded slowly, smiling again before turning away and climbing 
into the bed beside her siblings, switching off the lamp.	

Mulder nudged me gently. "You get some sleep, Scully. I'll wake you in a 
few hours."

"You sure you don't want to get some sleep first?" I hesitated, noticing 
the slouching of his posture and the dark shadows under his eyes.

Mulder shook his head. "I don't think I could sleep anyway, not after
what we've seen tonight."

"Yeah," I agreed, feeling suddenly awkward, for some reason I couldn't
place. "Goodnight, Mulder."
I laid my hand on his shoulder for just a moment before turning and 
crawling to the head of the bed and slipping underneath the blankets. 

I forced all thoughts of the evening's strange incidents from my mind, 
letting my body and mind relax and become heavy with sleep. The last 
thing I saw before I nodded off to sleep was Mulder's face turned toward 
me, his eyes resting on me, a small contented smile on his lips.

       - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV -

I watched her for a few moments longer, and when I was satisfied that 
she was asleep I wriggled further back on the bed, closer to her, and 
stretched across the bed on my side so I could watch the TV more 
comfortably. The volume down so low I could barely hear it - in any 
case, I much preferred to just hear Scully's regular breathing. I 
flipped through the channels, finally settling on a late night talk 
show. As the show came to an end I heard Scully stirring in the bed, 
giving a small disturbed whimper. I muted the TV, wondering whether the 
slight increase in sound coming from the TV had somehow reached her 
ears. I slipped off the edge of the bed and crept up alongside it, 
reaching out to brush her sweat-matted hair from her forehead, my
fingers seeking hers and gently interwining them. Scully let out an 
indistinguishable murmur, her head tossing on the pillow. I'd seen her
having a nightmare once or twice before but this still shocked me,
scared me. She'd comforted me so many times during my nightmares, but
there was no way I could parallel her tenderness and strength. She 
rolled onto her other side, curling up in a ball, forcing me to 
relinquish the contact. I sighed as I withdrew my fingers, leaning 
back on my heels for a moment, thoughtful.
The right thing to do now would be to let Scully sleep in peace, move
around the room a little to keep myself awake. But I didn't want to
do what was most politically or professionally correct. Scully was
suffering, and I hated that. And if I could do something about that,
I would.
So I sat down on the bed, so close to her that her back was pressed 
against my thigh, and rested my hand on her arm. Scully stirred again at 
the contact, her hand covering mine and a smile spreading across her 
face. She opened her mouth and murmured something happily, over and 
over. It took me a few moments to realise what she was saying; 
"Emily..." But her happiness seemed shortlived and she began to once 
again toss and turn, letting out small sobs and murmuring softly. 
Unable to just sit and watch her suffer any longer, I shook her gently. 
Her sobs became soft crying as she came slowly back to consciousnes, 
confused, shaking her head unhappily.

"Hey, s'okay partner," I whispered reassuringly, stroking her cheek 
tenderly. I don't know if my touch soothed her at all, but it made me
feel a lot more confident. "You just had a bad dream, that's all."

Scully, still crying silently, struggled to sit up. "I'm... I'm .." was 
as far as she could get in attempting to put up those damn protective 
walls. She shook her head and clung to me, pressing her face against my
chest as she murmured, "It was a bad dream... Emily was there, but I... 
I couldn't see her face. I didn't recognise her..."

"Scully, this case, these kids... Maybe you should step away," I  
whispered, wrapping my arms protectively around her and rocking 
soothingly. Her pain was hurting me badly, but at the same time I also
felt a little joy, exhilaration at holding her in my arms like this.

Scully shook her head confusedly. "No, Mulder, that's not it, it's 
not... It's..."

"Emily." I stated. I'd thought that was all over... but I guess it never 
would be. We hadn't talked very much about that whole incident, but it
had forever changed our relationship.

"She was such a little girl,' she murmured resignedly, still burrowed 
against me. "But she was unprotected... vulnerable. And weak... She 
wasn't like these kids. She needed me..."

"These kids need you too, Scully," I whispered, bending down and 
pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead, nuzzling against her cheek. 
Scully let out a small murmur of appreciation, grateful for the
comfort. "You try and get back to sleep, Scully," I whispered, my thumb 
grazing across her collarbone soothingly. Anything I could do, I would 
do.

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to get back to sleep. I'll keep 
watch now."

I sighed. I didn't want to let her go. I wanted her to fall asleep in
my arms, so I could watch her and listen to her breathe and feel her
warm body in my arms. "You sure? You only got an hour."

Scully nodded with certainty. "I've... I've got some things to think 
over."

I nodded slowly, drawing away from her. As she drew out of my embrace 
she quickly wiped the tears from both her eyes, drawing a shaky breath. 
I leant back as she crawled out from beneath the covers, fishing up her 
robe and tying it around her slowly and halfheartedly, her head bowed. 
I silently slipped into the bed, burying my face in the pillow for a 
moment, inhaling Scully's scent, unable to stop myself from grinning.
I felt so gloriously in love with this woman...
Then Scully turned and stared at me, frowning in confusion at my 
expression. She shook her head and dropped down on the very end of the 
bed tiredly, shoulders sagging in what seemed to be defeat, head bowed 
again. I stretched my long frame out in the bed, my toes nudging 
Scully through the blankets.
"Scully?" I ventured, concerned. I didn't want to see my Scully giving
up.

She sighed heavily, still gazing ahead into the distance. "I did 
everything that I could," she began, slowly, shaking her head.
I could hear the tears in her voice as she continued, "But it wasn't
enough. I couldn't save her. And I can't forgive myself for that."
Her tone went up a note and her voice began to break.

I reached out to her, but she shook her head, pulling away and moving to 
the window, wiping her tears away again in that quick movement, then 
pressing her forehead against the glass, staring out at the dark parking 
lot. I sank back against the headrest, staring up. 
"Scully," I began hesitantly, addressing the ceiling, "I know that... 
that you don't usually like to talk about these things, but I just want 
you to know that if you ever want to talk about Emily - or anything - 
I'm here, you know?" It was only at the end of the speech that I found
the courage to look earnestly across at her, her back still turned. 

She was silent, but her shoulders were shaking. I saw in the reflection 
in the window pane as she closed her eyes briefly, nodding. She opened 
her eyes and turned to face me, still nodding, the tears which had 
welled in her eyes now trickling down her cheeks. I wiggled over in the 
bed, patting the space beside me, and Scully slowly but readily climbed 
up next to me, allowing me to awkwardly place my arm around her and draw 
her closer against me. That she was inviting my affection and comfort
like this exhilarated me. I felt as though I'd finally broken down that
barrier, that she no longer felt that she had to hide her emotions from
me.
After a long silence Scully whispered, "I thought it was over with... I 
thought that I had accepted what had happened; my loss. But it still 
hurts, Mulder... She's still gone." She closed her eyes again, resting 
her cheek against my shoulder, her head fitting into the crook of my
neck perfectly. We fitted. I loved it.

I began to stroke her hair gently. "But she's not gone, Scully - she'll 
never go, not so long as you remember her."

She let out another shaky sigh, opening her eyes tiredly. "It just seems 
that we're always losing, Mulder. We're always losing and we never ever 
win."

"We won't let them win this time, Scully," I promised. "This time we're 
going to win. We're going to save these kids no matter what."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said in a resigned, low tone. 
"I made a promise to myself and... I couldn't keep it. You don't want to 
suffer through a broken promise like that."

I nodded slowly, gently brushing her eyelids closed.
"I understand," I whispered as she settled back into my arms with a
small sigh. I felt so blessed. "You get to sleep, Scully. I'll keep the 
nightmares away."

"Wake me up," she murmured drowsily. I began to stroke her hair again, 
smiling as I saw her face relax as she finally fell asleep. I bent my 
head over hers, resting my cheek on her mussed hair, inhaling the scent 
with a smile, my eyes closed. Maybe if I hadn't been so completely
rapt in Scully I would have noticed Jacqueline's bright eyes on us from
across the room. But, right then, I didn't have the time for anything
more than just the two of us.
"My brave little Scully," I murmured. I yawned, and although I could 
feel myself falling asleep, I was too comfortable to move and wake 
myself up, instead drifing off to sleep with my face buried in her hair.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

I was jolted awake by a loud bang. My head collided with Mulder's chin
as I tried to sit up, scrambling out of his arms. I couldn't even 
remember how we'd gotten in such a compromising position. 
"What was that?" I whispered tensely. On occasions like this I could
wake up fully alert. I fumbled for my bedroom on the bedside table.
Mulder had found his and was reaching to switch on the bedside lamp 
when a voice stopped us.

"Relax, guys, it was only a car backfiring." 

Switching the light on, Mulder and I both looked at Jacqueline, who was 
sitting cross-legged on the covers between her still-sleeping siblings, 
the gun I'd been searching for cradled in her lap.
She smiled at us, a curious, almost unreadable expression, and said with 
an apologetic shrug, "I hope you don't mind me borrowing your weapon 
again, Dana, but I thought I'd be better off armed."

I didn't know if I minded or not. I didn't like that she'd taken it
without asking, but it was a relief that at least one of us was keeping
watch. I exhaled heavily. "You should have woken one of us up, 
Jacqueline," I murmured, holding out my hand to reclaim my weapon.
Out of habit I checked the clip and safety before putting it down on
the table beside me.

"Trust me, Dana." Jacqueline gave me an expectant look. "Astrid and 
Josh and I have to trust you and Fox. Why can't you guys pay us the
same respect?"

"But you're -" I began to object, then clamped me mouth shut quickly. 
She had a point. "Sorry, Jacqueline. We're just not used to trusting 
anyone... except each other." I'd never said that aloud before and I
realised how terrible it sounded, how paranoid we were. It was something
I didn't like to deal with.

"I know," Jacqueline answered quietly, her attitude softening. She
smiled gently at me and then Mulder. 

I frowned, rubbing the back of her head, still painful from where I'd
connected with Mulder's chin. "Mulder, why don't you go back to bed? You 
too, Jacqueline. I'll keep watch for a while," I announced with a yawn, 
giving Mulder a gentle shove backwards.

"You're half asleep, Dana," Jacqueline pointed out sceptically. "You get 
back to sleep, and Fox too. I can keep watch, honestly."

I grimaced indecisively, glancing at Mulder and then at her. 
"Jacqueline," I said heavily, "it's not that I don't trust you, but -"

"You'd feel more secure if you were on watch, I know, I know," 
Jacqueline finished with a shrug. "It's okay, Dana, I'm not taking it 
personally."

I nodded, grateful for the understanding. "Thanks, Jacqui." I called her
that deliberately, wondering what her reaction would be. But she only 
smiled.
"You're welcome."

I felt victorious. I'd known that Jacqueline couldn't possibly have been
as cold and unemotional as she'd made herself out to be - I knew enough
about hiding behind masks to know what she was doing. Now there seemed
to be a hesitant friendship forming between us, and I welcomed it. It
had been a long time since I'd had the opportunity to talk to anybody
other than Mulder or my mom or my counsellor, to talk to somebody and
get all giggly and girly and somehow manage to release some of the 
emotions I'd kept bottled up for so long.

I shook myself, drawing a deep breath. "Back to bed," I said, half-
heartedly commanding. 

Jacqueline shook her head. "Nah, I can't sleep." She went over to the 
window, parting the curtains and peering out between them.

I watched her for a moment, then turned to Mulder, who had climbed back 
into the bed, but was now watching me patiently.

"What?" I asked tiredly.

Mulder pouted, patting the empty space in the bed. "Come to bed, 
Scully."

I didn't smile as I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Mulder, we 
shouldn't have... you know."

"What?" Mulder looked genuinely puzzled, his arm lazily reaching out and 
tracing circles around the tattoo on my lower back, revealed by my
dishevelled pajama shirt. I shivered at his touch, pulling away a 
little, refusing to let myself get sucked in.

"Mulder, I..." My voice caught and I swallowed, cursing myself. This
had to be said, I knew. I'd always vowed that any relationship between
myself and my partner would never affect my work and I had to stick to
that. What use were promises to myself if I wasn't going to keep them?
I felt as though I were letting my emotions run too loose and I sucked
in a deep breath, setting my lips. "Mulder, I appreciate your 
willingness to comfort me..." My voice was hard. I was getting angry,
at myself for doing this, not him, but it came out at him anyway.
"But we could have put all of our lives at risk, Mulder. We're getting
sloppy, and it's dangerous. What if that hadn't just been a car 
backfiring?" I stared hard at him and he didn't respond, other than 
finding my hands and weaving them through his own. I pulled away from
his touch. Don't distract me, Mulder. Don't be nice to me right now. 
Don't comfort me. "Mulder, somebody could have crept in here while we
slept and shot us all. We know that somebody's after us. To let our
guard down while we're in such a perilious situation is just goddam
stupid!" 

"Jacqueline was awake." He sounded hurt by my unjust anger but I was 
frustrated beyond sympathy. I was hurting, too.

"And that was lucky for us!" I retorted.

In a sudden movement that surprised me, Mulder flung the covers back and
leaned closer to me, hissing in my ear, conscious of the fact that we
weren't alone in the room. I had been too angry to care about that.
"And what would you have had me done, Scully? Let you cry all by 
yourself?! I can't do that! I can't watch you suffer like that."

"Then don't watch!" I hissed angrily, hurt even more by his sudden
answer. "Mulder, I cry by myself all the time. This is no different to 
any other of those times!"
Oh *God*.
I stopped and swallowed, realising that I'd said too much. I drew away 
from him, my chin held high defiantly, daring him to question me on the 
thoughtless, stupid statement. I hate losing control, because it's 
always too easy for the truth to be blurted out after I've been holding
it in so flimsily.

Mulder licked his lips, nodding slowly. Tentatively he reached out to 
touch my arm. "You don't have to be brave all the time, Scully."

I pulled away from him. "Yes, I do," I whispered. I switched off the 
bedside light and stood. "Goodnight Mulder."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE POV - 

Fox didn't reply, but just watched her unhappily as she pulled on her 
robe and fumbled with the lock on the door, finally getting it and 
disappearing outside. The door closed after with her with a quiet 
'click' and he let out a heavy breath, pulling himself upright and 
rubbing his eyes tiredly. I wondered if he was even aware that I was
still in the room, still standing by the window. Astrid and Josh had 
slept through the whole argument - they're both pretty solid sleepers -
but I'd heard the whole thing, and spent the whole time wishing myself
anywhere else. I hated intruding on their privacy. Their fight had 
looked painful enough without the added humiliation of having a 
spectator. And yet, as much as I'd hated having to just stand there and
listen to them, it had been fascinating. I wanted to get involved just
as desperately as I'd wanted to run away. They were so miserable and
it seemed so completely unjust.

"Don't let her cry by herself, Fox," I whispered softly, loud enough for 
him to just catch it. He stared at me, his eyes dark and angry.

"I don't have much choice, do I?"

"She's just scared," I said. I felt strangely confident. I could see 
her fear, his fear, the strong conflicting emotions they were both 
struggling to hide. I didn't know how either of them could be missing 
it. It was as clear as day. I continued, gentle, not wanting to provoke 
him further. "She's scared to let you into her heart because it makes 
her feel vulnerable. But she cares about you, Fox, and she -"

"What the hell would you know?" He interrupted me angrily. "You don't 
know anything about her, or me."

"I know a little," I persisted. "I know enough to know when two people 
are in denial about their feelings."

"You don't know," Mulder said darkly. "You don't know how much I care 
about her, how much I -"
I laughed then. I didn't mean to. It was just so ridiculous, the things
that these two people were convincing themselves into believing.

"Fox, I've seen how you look at her! I know how you feel! It's written 
all over you! Dana just doesn't see it because she's scared to look!"

"We don't have that sort of relationship," Fox argued flatly. "We 
haven't and we won't."

Same old argument. He was refusing to see my point. It was infuriating. 
I rolled my eyes. "You tell yourself that and you can almost believe it. 
Wake up, Fox." I shook my head, then turned, leaving the room and 
joining Dana on the steps outside, standing beside her. "Dana?"

She brushed at her eyes in such a quick, discreet movement that anyone
with lesser eyesight would have missed it. She cleared her throat 
quietly, and I could tell that she was trying to find her composure.
"Yeah?" Her voice was quiet and shaky.

"Is it okay if I sit out here with you for a while?"

Dana swallowed again, closing her eyes briefly. "Sure."

I dropped down beside her on the steps in silence, picking a leaf off 
the shrub beside me and beginning to shred it absently between my
fingers as I tried to think of something to say. I couldn't think of 
anything that would voice the sympathy I had for her after what she'd
just been through with Fox. I could see that their fight, so full of
raw emotion, had shaken her badly.

We'd only been sitting in silence for a minute or so before Dana
burst, as though unable to stand it anymore. "I don't normally fall 
apart like this, you know," she said abruptly. "I can usually handle
things just fine."

"It must be difficult being so close to him - physically, I mean, all 
the time," I offered. The tension I had witnessed had been incredible.

Dana nodded emphatically. "I need..." She let out a heavy sigh. "I need 
time to myself, away from him. I need time to think. And I haven't..."

"You haven't had much of that these past two days," I supplied 
knowingly. I really meant it when I added "I'm sorry that we're causing 
such a hassle."

Dana shook her head. "You're not causing a hassle... Mulder and I have 
just found ourselves in a slightly unfamiliar situation... we're having 
some difficulties dealing with it, that's all. It's new territory."

"Relationships have to evolve," I pointed out. "You can't stay the same 
forever." I wondered what Dana and Fox had been like a year ago, two
years ago, five years ago. I wondered how long they'd been working
together. They seemed to know each other intimately, as though they'd
been together forever, but the evolution of their relationship seemed
like another step in a journey that had not been started too long ago.

Dana frowned. "Jacqueline, what you said earlier... about pretending 
being dangerous...?"

I ducked my head in embarrassment. My words were already coming back to 
haunt me. I shouldn't have said those things, I knew. I'd just thought 
... I'd thought that I was helping. Sometimes I can be so stupid...
"Listen, I'm sorry, I know I probably shouldn't have said anything, but 
I thought that you two should really be aware of it, you know?" I 
winced, knowing I'd just let myself in for some more blunt honesty.

"Of what?" Dana asked softly.

"Of why you keep pushing him away when you're pretending to be married. 
Putting it bluntly, Dana, you're lousy at being his wife." Seeing 
her open mouth I continued quickly, "I think it's just because you're 
aware that the emotions you're having to display are false and you're 
just not comfortable with it. I've seen you two when you're not 
pretending... when you don't push him away." 

"He, uh..." Dana cleared her throat and chuckled softly. "He seems to 
be going out of his way to be affectionate... overdoing it. Last time he 
wasn't this ...obnoxious."

"Last time?" I queried, eyebrow raised. The plot thickens...

"A couple of months ago we went undercover as a married couple," she
recounted with a faint smile. "We had a lot of hassles living 
together..."

"But you enjoyed it anyway?" I suggested with an ironic smile. I'd seen
how the pair of them acted, how much more alive she'd been since I first
saw her at the interview room at the local PD. I'd seen how Fox liked
to systematically drive her crazy with teasing and innuendos. I'd seen
how much she loved it, even though she hid it carefully.

Dana shook her head slowly. "Yeah, I did." She chuckled to herself. "I 
must be going mad." 

I half-smiled. Thinking back, I asked hesitatingly, "Why did you kiss 
Fox in the diner?"

Dana stared straight ahead thoughtfully. "I wanted power over the 
situation. I wanted to take away Mulder's complacency, I guess. I 
wanted-"

"You wanted to kiss him?" I asked slowly. I watched her carefully as I
waited for a response.

She shook her head firmly. "No, no, that's not it. It was just... 
pretend. It wasn't real, you know - the kiss. There was no real  
emotion..." She let out a small, wistful half-sigh.

"You and Fox... you love each other so much... but you just won't admit 
it," I said slowly. "And when you're pretending to be married, your real 
emotions are there, and they're getting in the way... that's why you're 
having difficulty coping. Why Mulder's treating it as a game."

"I'm not having difficulty coping," Dana protested, shaking her head. 
Then she sighed, relenting. "Maybe I am." She shook her head again. 
"How can you know so much about life? You're fifteen... but you..." 
she trailed off. 

I half-smiled, staring down at my bare toes reflectively. "I studied 
some psychology textbooks, learned to analyse people. But it was hard, 
because the people around me were always so scientific and detached, 
emotionless... But you and Fox," I shook my head, at a loss for words. 
"You two are just so intense. It's just so fascinating to watch." 
I met Dana's wide-eyed gaze.

"Jacqueline, Mulder and I..." Dana shook her head as she searched for 
words. "I can't describe it. Sometimes when we're alone together, it 
feels like we're the only people in the world. I know it sounds crazy, 
but-" she broke off, cupping her chin in her hands and staring 
thoughtfully ahead.

"He calls you his 'brave little Scully', did you know that?" I asked 
softly. The utter sweetness of that was overwhelming. For a man who 
seemed so hardened by life, cynical about everything, he was 
surprisingly earnest and adorably sweet and tender in the way he treated
Dana when he knew she wasn't looking or listening. And sometimes, when 
she was. 

Dana looked up at me in surprise. "He what?"

I smiled. "He was holding you in his arms, and you fell asleep, and he 
was running his fingers through your hair... and he called you his brave 
little Scully."

Dana stared at me for a moment as if she was trying to deny the emotions 
the news stirred within her. "Jacqueline, Mulder and I -" she began 
again. I don't think she even knew where she was going with it because
she just gaped at me, amazed.

I pressed on. "He looked so happy, just holding you. He was watching you 
sleep and he was grinning like it was the best thing he'd ever seen in 
his life."

"Mulder doesn't know how to be happy," Dana sighed quietly. There was
real conviction in her voice.

"He was happy then," I said simply.

Dana stared at me searchingly for a long moment, then shook her head. 
"You'll get cold out here in just those pajamas," she said, turning her 
head away.

"I don't get cold," I answered dismissively. I bit my lip hesitantly 
before asking, "Dana, who's Emily?"

Dana stiffened beside me, setting her jaw. "Emily was my daughter," 
she answered shortly. "Jacqueline, please, I don't want to talk about 
it." Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence and she looked at me
pleadingly, new tears in her eyes, before turning away abruptly.

"Sorry," I said quickly, feeling guilty. Guilty, but intrigued. What
had happened to Emily? She was Dana's daughter? But she'd made no other
mention of her, and she was in no rush to get home... Had Emily died?
Was that why Dana didn't want to talk about her?

"What were, uh," Dana wore an expression of pained concentration, as 
though she was desperately trying to take her mind off something. "What 
were your parents like, Jacqui?"

"Cate and Rodger?" The sudden change of topic surprised me and I took a
few minutes to think. "I guess..." I said finally. "I never really got 
to know what they were like... even at home, we hardly ever saw them. 
They weren't interested in being our parents. We weren't children, just 
guinea-pigs." I sighed. "They were always unemotional around us... it 
was almost like they were wardens in a prison or something. They'd 
organise our lives, control us... but they never showed any affection. 
And yet," I paused thoughtfully, "I think that they were capable of 
emotion. I think they just taught themselves not to care when it came to 
us, to regard our existence as a necessity. But when it came to their 
work... they were passionate. Like you a-" I stopped myself swiftly, 
afraid that Dana would react.

"Like me and Mulder?" she asked with a sardonic smile. 

I nodded. "Something like that, yeah." I paused, giving Dana the 
opportunity to continue. 

"I love my job," she admitted, picking at a loose thread on her robe. 
"Most people can't understand why, when it's so dangerous and when ... 
when things happen."

"Things?" I queried. I tried not to sound too interested but I was dying
to know. I wanted to know everything about Dana and Fox, wanted to know
why they were both so unhappy, what had driven them so close together
and forged the closest relationship I had ever seen.

She paused, not able to answer. Finally she spoke. "Let's just say that
I've defied death more times than I could have ever thought possible."

"All because of your work?" I asked quietly, fascinated and appalled 
simultaneously. Maybe that was why she and Fox were so tough, so 
hardened. They'd looked into death's foul face and lived to tell the
tale. It was incredible. 

Dana nodded, then shrugged ruefully. "And yet, I still love what I do. 
My life's greatest irony." Her face fell and she sighed heavily, 
wringing her hands. "But our luck has to run out eventually."
She sat in morose silence for half a minute before suddenly standing,
brushing herself off. "Let's get back inside," she said briskly. The
conversation was closed.

I accepted her hand up, asking hesitantly, "Dana?"

She paused, hand on the doorknob. "Yeah?"

"You know that he loves you, don't you?" I asked earnestly. She had to
know. She must. She couldn't be so blind not to.

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

I smiled at the earnesty in her tone and nodded, remembering Mulder's
tender show of affection when I'd been in the hospital almost dead from
cancer. After Melissa had died, after Donnie Pfaster.. There had been
so many - too many - times when I'd lacked strength and had needed to
lean on Mulder, and he'd always been there with open arms, ready and 
willing to comfort me, make me feel so intensely loved.
"Yeah, I know that," I said softly. I paused briefly, before I pushed
open the door and gestured for Jacqueline to enter, but she shook her
head. 
"I want to stay out here just a little longer, if that's okay."

I nodded. "Just be careful, 'k?" After receiving a reassuring nod 
from Jacqueline I turned and entered the darkened room, letting my eyes 
adjust to the darkness before closing the door after myself. 

I made my way over to the bed I could see Mulder's long form stretched 
out, curious as to whether or not he was asleep. I discovered the 
answer when he reached out to catch my arm, his bright eyes staring up 
at me piercingly.

"Scully..."

My heart skipped a beat and I scolded herself for it, saying brusquely, 
"Yeah?" I had to snap out of whatever I was in. Mulder and I had to stop
being so emotionally sensitive and tensely-strung. It was exhaustingly
stressful and it was compromising our professionalism. 

"H- H-" Whatever he was going to say, he lacked the courage to say it. 
"...What's the time?" 

I reached down and picked up the watch he had discarded to the bedside 
table. "It's just past one a.m., Mulder. Did you get any sleep?"

Mulder shook his head, pulling me down onto the bed beside him. "I've 
been thinking about ... what you said earlier."

I sank down into the mattress, feeling my body tense. "And?" 

"And I've decided that no matter how many times you tell me that you're 
fine and that you don't need me, I'll still be there to support you." 
His tone had a definite ironic inflection and I could have kissed him
for his stubborn loyalty, loyalty I didn't deserve. Instead, I nodded 
slowly, reaching down and taking his hand, squeezing it. 

"Thank you, Mulder," I whispered. I gave his hand another quick 
squeeze before releasing it and lacing my fingers through his hair 
affectionately. "You need to get some sleep, Mulder."

"So do you," he reminded me.

I shook my head. "I'll be fine for a little longer. You get at least 
a few hours. I can catch up on some sleep in the morning."

"We can't go on like this, you know," Mulder murmured sleepily, closing
his eyes. He looked just like an oversized child and I resisted the 
urge to cover him in kisses, patting him on the arm quickly and then
standing. "Yeah, I know. Tomorrow, Mulder, we'll discuss that tomorrow," 
I promised gently.

He murmured something, trailing off into silence. I moved to the window, 
peeking out through the curtain to check that Jacqueline was still 
there. Only by craning my neck could I see her, sitting on the steps, 
staring ahead of her with a smile on her lips. As though she could sense 
my eyes on her, she looked up sharply, meeting my gaze. Unlike the first 
time in the interview room, however, her gaze was not hateful or sullen, 
but instead friendly, accepting. She smiled and I returned the smile 
before drawing away from the window, fiddling with the channel and 
volume of the TV before dropping down onto the very end of Mulder's bed 
to watch, careful not to sit on his toes.

The door opened only a few seconds later and Jacqueline entered, 
yawning. I watched her as she closed the door after herself and headed 
toward the bed, pausing for a moment and throwing me a brief smile in 
the dark. "'Night, Dana."

"Goodnight, Jacqui," I smiled at her, glad that we'd made friends. It
hadn't been easy, but I think she'd been just as desperate for a friend
as I had been. I couldn't imagine that she'd had that many friends at
the compound...

After a few moments I refocused my attention on the TV, watching an old 
episode of 'The Invaders' with an ironic smile. It was succeeded by 
a documentary on the life of ants, something boring enough in itself to 
almost lull me to sleep. I stood and shook myself awake, stretching my
tired muscles, and searched around the room until I found the textbook 
on advanced genetics which Jacqueline had been studying earlier in the 
day. I switched on the bathroom light and settled down just outside the 
door so that I had enough light to read, but not enough to wake any of 
the others up. It felt strange to have constantly take other people into 
consideration in this way - I was used to having my apartment to 
herself, and, when on cases, a motel room to myself. I wasn't sure
whether I perferred this companionship or not. Certainly, I wasn't 
getting lonely, with Mulder overdoses of affection and Astrid's cheerful
chatter and Jacqueline's curiousity. Still, it was stifling, a lot more
tiring than what I was used to. My mom always used to say that being a
parent is the only full-time job there is, and I was starting to really
understand what she meant. There was rarely a moment's silence with
these kids around. And, as wonderful as it was, I missed the solitude
I'd grown so used to, the solitude I'd always craved as a child.

My intention had only been to keep myself awake for another hour or two,
but I felt myself becoming fascinated by what I was reading, though I
didn't completely understand everything. I made mental notes of the 
things I needed to ask Jacqueline about, which felt strange. The idea 
that a fifteen year old knew more than I did now, at age thirty-five
with a medical degree, was disconcerting. But, in reality, Jacqueline's
mentality was far beyond that of a teenager. She was fully mature, fully 
adult, and, in some ways, she seemed wiser than me. But what, then, did
that mean about Astrid and Joshua? Joshua was so quiet and shy that I
couldn't quite figure him out, but Astrid had the expressive 
cheerfulness and innocence of a four year old, despite her intelligence.
I wondered how long she could retain that innocence for, with her keen
grasp of the world and her skills. How long before she became as 
disillusioned about the world as Mulder and Jacqueline and I?

As the sun began to rise and the room was filled with an early morning
light, I shifted to the arm chair, curling up in it comfortably as I
continued to read, completely drawn into the book. I jumped when Mulder
appeared beside me, seemingly out of nowhere, his hand closing over my
arm in greeting. The book fell from my lap and I slipped down out of
the chair, fumbling to pick it up and the several slips of paper which
had been marking pages. 
Mulder had dropped down to help me and we both looked up, and suddenly
our noses were almost touching. I pulled away a little, leaning back
on my haunches and trying to control my breathing, combat my sudden
lightheadedness. Mulder touched my cheek gently, reassuringly and I 
smiled nervously at him, seeing with utter clarity what was going to 
happen. We were like actors in a scene, and this was take two, our 
second attempt to get something done right. I reached up to caress his 
cheek, not breaking the eye contact. My stomach was churning with 
anticipation. Every muscle in my body felt tensed and alive. My heart 
pumped wildly. He leaned closer to me and I let my eyes close. I could 
just feel his lips brushing mine, the warmth of his breath on my face, 
when there was a loud thump and then the warmth was gone, he'd pulled 
away. I blinked, pulling away and stumbling back, falling backwards
over my heels and crawling up into the stuffed armchair, a sudden numbness
spreading over me. Mulder had already turned away, and I glanced across 
in the direction of the distracting noise. Jacqueline was replacing the 
heavy old-fashioned telephone from the bedside table, her fist clenched 
angrily as she muttered something to herself. She looked up and shrugged
at me, mouthing what I could only assume was the word 'sorry'. I just
shook my head dazedly, watching as Mulder shut himself in the bathroom
with an armful of clothes. His gaze met mine for only a second, but it
was so intensely unhappy and disappointed that I pulled away. I was 
feeling unhappy enough for myself without needing to know his misery as
well. We'd both been so certain, I knew, but, as willing as we'd both
been, we wouldn't talk about it. We didn't talk about these things,
and that was the most frustrating thing. If we could just address the
issue, laugh at our bad luck, then maybe we'd stop dancing around it,
stop wondering about whether we really meant it or what we really 
wanted. I hated it when we didn't have proven facts to deal with, and 
here there were just too many things that I felt sure were true but
couldn't be utterly certain of unless Mulder confessed them. We both 
wanted the kiss, I knew. I'd known that for a long time. I'm not sure
when I'd first realised that I loved him, or when I first realised that
he loved me, or even that he was in love with me. I wasn't even sure yet
whether I was in love with him, or whether I just loved him so 
completely that, coupled with attraction, I mistook it for true love.

...but wasn't deep, abiding love with a healthy whallop of attraction,
lust and flirting true love, anyway? It was so confusing. I used to 
think that I knew these things, but now I wasn't so certain. All I knew
was that as much as I loved Mulder, I needed to feel desired as well.

I sat huddled in the chair, staring blankly at the bathroom door,
fighting the irrational urge to cry as I heard the shower start up.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jacqueline's eyes on me and
I sighed heavily. This was all too much to deal with, but I had to try
and deal with it, somehow. I closed my eyes and spoke quietly. "Don't 
blame yourself, Jacqui... it shouldn't have happened. You were right, 
all this pretending has just..." I shook my head.

"Listen, Dana, I swear... I didn't want either of you to get hurt," 
Jacqueline began guiltily, chewing on her nails. "It wasn't supposed to 
happen like this..."

I opened my eyes and looked at her tiredly. "What do you mean, it wasn't 
supposed to happen like this? How is this your fault?"

Jacqueline winced. "I've just been ... experimenting, you know. With you 
two."

I frowned. "What do you mean, experimenting?" I asked tiredly. I didn't
even know if I cared for an answer. 

Jacqueline sighed unhappily. "I've just ... I've watched you too 
together, seen how you feel about each other... and I've just... 
interfered a bit. Talked to you about him... talked to him about you... 
Just suggesting things, you know... working on the subconscious, that 
sorta stuff." She bit her lip and looked at me guiltily, pleading. 
"Please don't hate me, Dana, I just wanted you guys to be happy. I know 
I shouldn't have interfered but it was just too tempting."

I shook my head slowly, so tired and exhausted. "God, you're just a 
little matchmaker, you know that?" I muttered. I paused for a moment 
before looking up again. "Jacqueline, I know that you did what you did 
only because you believed it was right and that we would benefit from 
it, but this is too complex for you to understand. Mulder and I have a 
relationship that even the two of us are too scared to meddle with, and 
for someone like you to meddle with it... it's just not safe. There's no 
way we can benefit from that."

Jacqueline nodded understandingly, her face downcast. "I just think it's 
such a pity, that's all," she murmured with a shrug before turning away.

"Wait, Jacqueline..." I called her back desperately. "Don't take it 
personally, okay? But Mulder and I can't afford to risk our relationship 
in any way, I'm sure you can appreciate that. We need to be able to work 
together in harmony... your life depends on it."
   	
Jacqueline nodded again, turning away, and I sighed, sinking back into 
the armchair with my feet tucked under me, closing my eyes and letting 
exhaustion catch up on me. 


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

She was sound asleep when I stepped out of the bathroom, towelling my
wet hair dry. I stopped for a moment to watch her, leaning against the
wall with a heavy sigh. She was so utterly, utterly beautiful when she
slept, her little fists curled up as if she were protecting herself as
she slept. I could have watched her for hours like that.
I sensed eyes on me and I turned to look at Jacqueline. "What?" I 
frowned. For once, I was willing to lay the blame on somebody other than
myself.

"She was disappointed about before, you know," Jacqueline said 
ominously.

"I heard what you told her," I said brusquely. The walls were thin and
I'd been desperate to hear what Scully had to say about our second
near-kiss. "About the fact that you'd been experimenting with us..."
I think I could have wrung her neck right about then. She'd hurt Scully,
and that was something I had trouble forgiving people for. Not that
she was entirely to blame. After all, I'd been putting some pressure
on her to move our relationship forward. Still...

She dropped her head, embarrassed. "You heard that?"

"Just keep out of our business, okay?" I demanded roughly. "Neither of
us appreciate it."

"Listen, Fox," Jacqueline said guiltily, "I thought that it was obvious 
that you two loved each other... I thought that all you needed was a 
little push in the right direction to do something about it."

"Well, you were wrong, weren't you?" I retorted angrily, even though I
could almost see her reasoning. But she didn't understand. "If Scully 
and I do choose to make changes in our relationship, it'll be a mutual 
decision by the both of us, nothing that concerns you."

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake Dana," Jacqueline muttered. She 
turned away, gathering up a clean set of clothes and disappearing into 
the bathroom without another word.

I stood in silent rage, infuriated by her arrogance, her assumption that
she could interfere. There had been too many people in the past who had
tried to mess with our relationship, and it was something I guarded 
with intense caution. And jealousy. I hated Jacqueline's influence over
Scully - and even over myself. Maybe I was pushing Scully a little too
far, but Jacqueline was confusing us both, making us question what we
thought was immutable, and our relationship was being put at risk. 

I shifted my focus to Scully, still asleep in the armchair. She'd 
stirred and wrapped her arms around her tightly, her little fists still
clenched. Looking at her I didn't see the woman who'd worn black almost
every day for the past year, who wore five-inch heels so I didn't tower
over her quite so much, who'd stood up to superiors defiantly, demanding
justice. I saw a woman who had been hurt, a woman who was just as 
confused as I was about our relationship, who'd suffered unimaginable
pain. I loved her more than I'd ever loved anyone before, more than I'd
known was humanly possible. We'd forged a closeness that was the only
reason I had to get up every morning. I had to remember that, and some
times when we fought and got angry I forgot it, and I hurt her. I hated
myself when I hurt her.
My anger melted away as I watched her breathing. It was almost 
hypnotising. In, out, in, out, in, out.. I took a few steps toward her
and reached out to touch her cheek. She jolted awake immediately, her
eyes startled, panicky for a second before recognition set in. She
let her eyes close again and with a half-sigh she sank down into the
chair.
"Mulder..." she murmured. She rubbed at her eyes and opened them again,
looking at me blearily.

I chose for once not to make a smart crack. "You'd be more comfortable 
in the bed." I spoke quietly, gently, offering her a hand up, which she 
refused, shaking her head.

"I'm fine here, Mulder. I only need a little sleep, really..." She 
yawned. It was obvious that she was struggling to keep her eyes open.

I watched for a a moment longer as she closed her eyes and settled back
into the chair. Then I slipped an arm under her and scooped her up into 
my arms. She had only been dozing and her eyelids fluttered open again.
"Mulder, this isn't necessary," she murmured sleepily in protest.

I smiled. Oh, yes it is, Scully, my precious, yes it is. I lowered her
down on the bed, being so incredibly careful, helping her as she
struggled to pull off her robe and slip under the covers.
I smiled again, trying not to show my nervousness at what I was going
to say. Well, maybe not nervousness. Maybe apprehension, fear of her
reaction, fear that she might just laugh at me.
"I just wanted to show you how much I love you."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 


- SCULLY POV - 

I was dumbfounded. I just stared at him for about ten seconds, too 
shocked at the statement to protest as he tucked the comforter up 
around me and brushed the hair from my face. I'd always thought that
the must frustrating thing about our relationship was that we could
never be honest with each other when it came to these things. I always
wished it wasn't so hard to simply say to him 'I love you', but it
was. For me, anyway. Mulder didn't seem to have that problem anymore.

He smiled at me, as though amused by my reaction. I guess I must have
looked funny, eyes wide and mouth gaping, but I was completely taken 
aback by Mulder's casual, yet crucial, explanation. We'd never openly
professed any affection to each other. It had always been done with 
looks, touches, shows of loyalty. This was new territory, a real sign
that we were willing to let our shields down a little and test a few
boundaries. It was the most exciting and terrifying step we'd taken so 
far. 

"It's not the first time I've told you, Scully... you needn't look so 
surprised." He was teasing me, I knew, but the affection was there too.

I half-smiled. "Mulder, you were drugged... very heavily drugged. I 
didn't think..." I trailed off sheepishly, still amazed.

"That I knew what I was saying?" Mulder grinned. "You'd be surprised, 
Scully." He reached down and cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking gently. 
"You get some sleep, okay? You hardly got any last night, and if we're 
going to cope with the kids we need as much energy as we can."

I nodded a little nod, letting my eyelids close obediently. I didn't
really believe that I could get to sleep after Mulder's revelation, but
soon enough I felt my tiredness returning. I wasn't exhausted - I know
what it's like to be utterly exhausted, and I wasn't that bad. But I 
was tired, and Mulder's touch was so gentle as he continued to carress
my cheek. It was a pleasant sleepiness, promising warmth and 
contentment. The last of the tension left my body as numbness spread
through my veins. The last thing I could remember before I drifted off
was Mulder's lips on mine in a gentle kiss, and his voice whispering
to me. "Sweet dreams, Scully, my Scully." 
I murmured something, my mouth curving up into a dreamy smile. And I 
slept.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

I could have watched her sleep all day. I probably would have, if the
muffled voices of the kids hadn't caught my attention. I discovered the
pair of them chasing each other around under the covers of their bed,
and pulled back the covers with a flourish. "Morning!" I announced.

Astrid immediately lunged at me with a delighted squeal.
"Fox!!" she shrieked.

I caught her awkwardly. "Whoa! Watch out!" I lowered her to the ground 
and she curiously approached Scully's bedside.

"Fox, why does Dana always sleep in the mornings?" she asked curiously, 
staring at Scully's beautiful sleeping form.

I tugged at Astrid's arm, pulling her away from the bed. "Dana stayed 
up for most of last night so she's tired, that's all," I explained 
easily. "So we've got to be quiet so she can get some sleep, 'k?"

Astrid looked puzzled. "How come Dana had to stay up last night? Did she 
have a nightmare?"

I stared at her for a moment, surprised at how perceptive she was, and
deliberated for a moment on what to tell Astrid. Before I could decide 
on a response she prodded, "What was her nightmare about?" She added 
solemnly, "I had a nightmare once when I was little."

The earnest solemnity in her tone was sad. A four year old shouldn't 
look back on their childhood as if it were already over. Not a four year 
old, for Christsake. I shook my head slowly. "She, uh... Why don't you 
and Joshua play some more games, Astrid?"
I didn't know if I could handle any more of the truth at the moment. 
What I wanted right then was to just lie down beside Scully on the bed
and slide my arms around her, cover her with gentle kisses, tell her
over and over how much I loved her. But I knew I couldn't do that. There
was only so much change we could handle in our relationship at one time.
We had to take small steps, be sure of everything.

I'd almost forgotten about Astrid, who had been staring at me, her eyes 
appraising. "Okay," she agreed at last. "If that's what you want."
She gave me a quick hug and then skipped across to join her brother
where he was concentrating intently on a book, whispering the words to 
himself as he read slowly and painfully. I knew that Scully lapped up
Astrid's easy shows of affection, but it was something I was having a
little trouble dealing with. I wanted to stay objective on this case,
because I knew that losing objectivity could only result in unhappiness,
and I didn't want that. But it was hard to remain objective when Scully
seemed to have thrown herself whole-heartedly into getting as 
emotionally attached to these kids as she could.
Okay, so maybe I was being unfair. These kids were three little Orphan
Annies. Could I really blame Scully for letting her maternal side show?
And who am I kidding? I love when Scully gets maternal. Well, with me,
anyway. There's nothing I love more than to nuzzle against her and pout
and let her take care of me. It's not something I do often, my pride
usually holds me back. But the fact remained that I saw Scully getting
all maternal over these kids, lapping up the affection, getting all 
concerned and anxious over their wellbeing, even becoming friends with
Jacqueline. I saw all this, and I didn't see myself in the picture. So
I put myself in the picture, because I didn't want Scully to draw away
from me because of the kids. And that wasn't making it easy to be
objective. Neither was the fact that I was loving our little make-
believe world, loving playing happy families.

I watched Astrid and Joshua half-attentively, my eyes regularly straying
across to where Scully slept solidly. When Jacqueline emerged from 
the bathroom I could see hostility and distrust in her eyes. I wondered 
what emotions she was covering? Hurt? Humiliation? I had no sympathy. 
She had had no right to meddle in Scully's and my relationship.
Jacqueline didn't talk to me, but instead crouched down beside her 
siblings, talking to them quietly. They stood, sidling past me with 
strange expressions and sat down obediently at the small table. I should
have felt anger but instead I felt a sort disappointment. As much as
I hated to admit it, I was starting to get attached to the kids as
well. Astrid was like a breath of fresh air, so incessantly cheerful,
optimistic about everything. I'd been charmed by her just like Scully
had been, and I hadn't even realised it. 

I watched as Jacqueline organized their breakfast. Astrid stared at me
unhappily over the top of her breakfast bowl and I winced and turned 
away. I knew I'd overreacted in blaming Jacqueline, but I guess that
maybe I just didn't want to accept the idea. Not enough to warrant
making an apology, anyway.

The kids finished breakfast and ran to their toys on the floor as
Jacqueline washed up the dishes in the bathroom sink. When she was
finished she joined them on the floor, talking to them quietly and
encouragingly. The wary looks she kept throwing me weren't lost on me,
and I felt conspiciously unwanted and out of place. After two hours
of sitting around, my nervous were frayed to breaking point. I jumped
up. 
"I'm going for a drive," I announced curtly. "I'll be back in about 
an hour."

Jacqueline nodded, not even looking up at me, and I left, driving more 
recklessly than normal, trying to ease my frustration.

I returned just under an hour later with a white paper bag in my hand
and an envelope in my pocket. I'd had a lot of time to think and some
things were clearer in my mind. Not everything, but it was a start.

"Everything fine here?" I asked shortly, noting that the kids were 
now dressed, though Astrid's hair was a tangled mess.

Astrid looked up and gave me a grin, but Jacqueline quickly nudged her. 
"Everything's fine," she said. Her tone was as short as mine had been.

I nodded, glancing at my watch and then across at my still sleeping 
partner. Dumping the bag of bagels on the bedside table, I sat down 
beside her on the bed, patting her gently through the covers to wake 
her. She stirred, letting out a small, grumpy murmur.

"Hey, wake up, sleepyhead!" I teased gently.

"Get your hand off my butt," came her muttered response. 
Her eyes were shut tightly, but I could have sworn a smile was dancing 
along her lips.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, sliding my hand along the covers and resting 
my hand on her hip, rubbing gently. "Better?"

She let out an indistinguishable murmur, then slowly pulled herself 
upright, her eyes fluttering open, a groan escaping her lips as she 
reached up to rub her neck. "What's the time?" she mumbled, looking at 
me through still half-closed lids.

"It's just past nine," I answered promptly. "If we're leaving today, we 
have to be out by ten."

She groaned again, reaching up with both hands to massage her neck. It
was sore from craning to read, I guessed. I'd been watching her for
quite a while earlier before I let her know that I was there.
"*Are* we leaving today?" She looked up at me expectantly, still bleary
eyed.

I nodded firmly. "Definitely. I got us coach tickets outta here. We 
leave late this afternoon."

"You don't sound like you're having the time of your life, Mulder," 
Scully muttered dryly, rolling her neck and grimacing. "What's 
happened?"

"Nothing's happened," I assured her quickly. I reached out, placing my
hand atop hers. "Here, let me do that."

"Mulder, no... that's really not necessary," Scully protested as I
prised her hands away and started to gently rub her shoulders, my thumbs 
pressing firmly against her soft skin. I'd gone out with a masseuse once 
and learned a trick or two. "Mulder, really..." she insisted. But her
protests were weak, as though she'd only put them up for appearances.
We'd never gotten so relaxed together before that we'd gotten to 
massages, and I wondered why not. Maybe because touches between us had
always necessarily been important, so potent. A touch between us had
never just been a touch, it had always meant something. More intimate
than a kiss.
But we were ready, and we both knew it.

She made one last, half-hearted attempt to pull away, but I reached out
and put my hand on her shoulder firmly to stop her. "Please, Scully."
Please just give us a chance. 

She half-turned, looking up at me. Then she nodded, biting her lip.
"Just this once," she said softly. She let me draw her closer to me,
and my hands slid back in place, kneading the milky white flesh. A small 
moan of pleasure escaped her lips as my thumbs found a sensitive spot 
just below her shoulder blades, and I smiled. I leaned forward and
whispered enticingly into her ear, "There's some fresh hot bagels in 
the bag right there, if you're hungry."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

It was bliss.
I was hesitant to pull out of Mulder's grip even for long enough to
grab a bagel from the bag on the bedside table, but it was worth it.
It could have been just me, but I don't think I'd ever tasted anything
more delicious. That and the feel of Mulder's deft fingers, I was in 
heaven. It was twice as exquisite as sinking down into a hot bubblebath,
which had, up til now, been my favorite pasttime. I'd never known that
Mulder had this secret gift, and I couldn't believe that I'd let him
hide it from me for so long. All the tension was seeping out of me and
the world began to blur. I tore off another bit of bagel and ate it
slowly, savoring the simple taste. "These are good," I murmured. I 
leaned back even more into his grip, feeling so light, so uninhibited.
I broke off some more bagel and held it over my shoulder to Mulder,
who accepted it with his mouth, his lips brushing my fingers. I smiled,
trying to ignore the ripple of excitement that ran through me.

I blinked as Jacqueline appeared in front of me. "Uh, Dana?"

I blinked again, trying to wake myself up a little. "Yuhuh?"

She seemed to very deliberately and awkwardly ignore Mulder's gaze as
she asked "Are we leaving here today?"

I nodded, licking the crumbs from my lips. "Yeah, we are." 

"So... where are we going next?"

It took me a few seconds to register that Mulder had stopped and pulled 
away a little. Surprised, and a little disappointed, I twisted around to 
glance at him. His face was set grimly, like he was sitting in front of
Assistant Director Kersch. Yech.

"So, where *are* we going?" I asked him slowly, frowning as he quickly
tried to conceal his expression with a tight, false smile.

"Back to DC," was his brief response. "We'll check in with the gunmen 
and then camp out at your place."

"How can we know that my place is safe?" I asked doubtfully. I didn't
look up at him as I spoke, I looked down at my hands instead. Something
was going on. The animosity between Mulder and Jacqueline was evident, 
but I couldn't see why. It was disturbing. The last thing we needed was 
squabbles between the three of us. I shook myself a little, my head 
still down as I continued. "We still don't know for certain that they 
haven't figured out who we are. And shouldn't we stick around here a 
while longer to investigate the case we were sent out here for? We still 
haven't found who shot the parents..." I trailed off when I saw 
Jacqueline shifting uncomfortably beside me. Any mention of her parents 
seemed to set her on edge, and I guess I couldn't really blame her. Yet, 
I'd expected some form of grief, even with what I'd heard of their 
upbringing, and she'd shown none. Neither had Astrid and Joshua. They 
seemed totally unaffected by it. 

"We don't need to find out," Jacqueline said quickly. "It doesn't 
matter."

"People were murdered. Even if you didn't like them, they were still 
human beings," Mulder said harshly. Jacqueline met his gaze sullenly for 
a moment before looking away. I watched, my anxious curiosity growing.
I'd seen that impatient, angry look before, even experienced the wrath
of the anger firsthand on a few terrible occasions. It was a look that
always made me feel heavy with guilt.

"We'll... we'll figure it out, 'k?" I reassured Jacqueline quickly. It
was obvious that while she was here I wasn't going to get anything out
of Mulder, and I did really want to find out what was going on. "You 
could help us by starting to pack up all the stuff - put all the dirty 
laundry in one bag. Try to minimise our luggage, okay?"

Jacqueline licked her lips, glancing uncomfortably at Mulder, then 
nodded. "Yeah, thanks Dana."

I waited until she was out of hearing range and then turned again to
face Mulder, whispering, "Something's happened between you two, hasn't
it?" I knew I said it like an accusation and it was. I didn't want
anybody to screw anything up.

"It was nothing, really," Mulder tried to reassure me. He began to 
massage my shoulders again, but I caught his hands and pushed him away, 
frustrated, turning fully so that I could face him. 

"Mulder, don't lie to me," I warned. I was getting angry at him. "If we 
can't trust each other, it makes everything infinitely harder." 

Mulder set his lips grimly. "I just let her know how we felt about her 
deliberately messing with out relationship."

My heart sank. That's my Mulder, ultra-possessive and protective, more
teritorial than a bulldog. I sighed, rubbing my eyes. "How did you know 
that?"

"I listened to your conversation," he admitted. "I don't trust her 
influence over you."

"Mulder, she doesn't have any influence over me," I protested, annoyed
that he'd been eavesdropping. I drew a deep breath, forcing myself to
calm down, stop being so defensive. Mulder was only doing it because he
cared. "Besides," I added tentatively, "She could only work on emotions 
that already existed. Maybe we're just as much to blame as she is."

Mulder bit his lip, staring at me, his fingers absently tapping on his 
leg. "Maybe you're right," he admitted, letting out a heavy sigh. He 
reached out hesitantly to touch my shoulder again but I pushed him away. 

"No, Mulder," I said softly, shaking my head. My stomach was churning. 
"We shouldn't."

Mulder nodded slowly, retracting his hand. "You're right, we shouldn't," 
he agreed softly and reluctantly.

I slipped off the bed, touching him lightly on the head. "I'll have a 
quick shower. You help the kids pack."

Mulder nodded, and as he was about to turn away I added, "And Mulder? 
Don't be too harsh on Jacqueline. She just wanted us to be happy. It's 
not a crime."

I held his gaze for a few seconds before he nodded. I gave him an
encouraging half-smile before slipping into the bathroom.


           - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV -

It was Scully's idea to come to this park, to give us a chance to be
outdoors for a while before the coach trip back to DC. I'd been against
the idea, not really in the mood for happy fun and games. My mind was
still in turmoil from my conversations with Scully before, though I
know that it didn't show. I'd always been good at keeping calm on the
surface, not letting anybody see how dangerously tumultuous things were
on the inside. I felt so confused now, and I hated being confused. I
felt guilty about my reaction to Jacqueline, but I still couldn't 
forgive what she'd done. I wondered if I'd done the wrong thing before,
pushing us into new territory. Maybe I shouldn't have touched her, even
as innocently as a shoulder massage. But no, that wasn't innocent,
nothing between us was ever innocent. It was beautiful and exciting and
scary, too, because after we'd taken a step we couldn't go back. But
it had been so wonderful, and I knew I wasn't the only one who'd thought
that. But I felt guilty about what we'd done, what I'd done, because
I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to wash the floors Scully walked
on. I knew she wasn't perfect, of course. She's a human being and all
human beings are flawed. But she was so courageous, so caring, so 
selfless, so beautiful that to me she was perfect, and always had been. 
And as much as I didn't think I deserved her, I still wanted to be with
her, needed to, because she was the center of my universe.
I was being too harsh on myself, I knew, but I still couldn't accept
that I could in any way match up to her. I could only try.

I looked up and found Scully smiling at me, gesturing for me to join
her at the swingset, where she was pushing Astrid. "You wanna push her
for a bit?" she offered.

I felt a moment's hesitation. I would have done anything Scully asked,
but to be honest, I was scared. It had been too long since I'd pushed
a child on a swing, and one of the last times I could remember was when
I'd been showing off and pushed Sam too hard. She'd broken her 
collarbone. All fears have to be conquered some time, I told myself as
I stepped closer and grabbed the reigns of the swing, pulling it back
a little and then letting go to get the swinging restarted. My heart was
beating madly as I swung her again and again, but I kept that look of
nonchalance on my face and kept going. I rediscovered the rhythm easily
enough, and these swings were in better shape than the one Dad had tied
up in the bark yard for Sam and I. 
I got a little braver, pushing her harder so Astrid flew high, giggling.
That made me grin. I glanced across at Scully, who was leaning casually
back against one of the support poles, and she smiled at me.

"You're a pro at this, Mulder," she teased.

I was feeling a lot more confident now, and threw her one of my famous
MulderGrins. "I have many skills," I said smoothly. "You've just never 
noticed before."

Scully let out a small chuckle, shaking her head. "Sorry, your ego 
must have been in the way."

That made me laugh, and it felt good. It had been a long time since I'd
really laughed.  
"Had enough yet, kiddo?" I asked Astrid, grabbing the plastic-coated 
chains and gradually pulling her to a stop.

"Don't stop Fox!" Astrid begged. "Keep pushing! I don't want to stop!!"
I still couldn't get over how I was letting the kids call me Fox. I
winced every time my own mother called me that. It must have been 
Scully's influence.

Scully chuckled, pulling Astrid from the swing and tickling her. 
"How about we see what Jacqui and Josh are up to, huh?" she suggested. 

I think she noticed the quick look that I gave her, and ignored it
deliberately. She watched as Astrid flew off across the astroturf to
the sandbox where the other two were. She was smiling that fond, wistful
smile that I'd seen a lot on her lately, and I still didn't know whether
I liked that smile or not. We slowly made our way across, watching as 
Astrid greeting her siblings with a hug. I slipped my arm around her 
shoulders as casually as I could, gently kneading her shoulder muscles 
as a matter of fact. 
"Good?" I murmured, bending my head close to hers as we walked.

Scully nodded, letting out a comfortable sigh. "Very," she admitted.

We were only a few feet away from the sandbox when Scully changed her 
mind. "Let's sit down somewhere," she said softly, "Let Jacqueline have 
some time alone with the kids."

I nodded and guided us to the closest park bench, a sunny spot in front 
of a row of rosebushes.
"They smell beautiful," Scully murmured as we sat down.

I leaned closer to her and sniffed her neck, not wanting to miss the
opportunity. "You smell beautiful," I said playfully.

"Quit it, Mulder," she scolded, half-heartedly swatting at me. But she
was smiling.

I chuckled, leaning back on the bench, my hands tracing lazy circles on 
her back. I knew I was being possessive of her but the situation seemed
so blissfully surreal that I didn't care. "It's nice here in the sun," 
I murmured, yawning. 

Scully let out a small murmur of contented agreement. Her left hand 
resting lightly on my knee, rubbing gently. The action was so natural 
and responsive that I don't think she even realised she was doing it
until I placed my hand on top of hers, my thumb grazing the back of her 
hand. She stared up at me, her eyes wide, a faint smile on her lips. 

I chuckled softly. She was flushing slightly, smiling that little
embarrassed smile, ducking her head. Boldened by her childish shyness, 
I burrowed against her, kissing her neck three times before pulling
away. I held my breath, apprehensive of how she would react despite the
way she'd taken everything else. Her smile grew, still so beautifully
demure, bashful. We were like shy, nervous teenagers on a first date.
It strange to be rediscovering the innocent pleasures of dating. I
could barely remember how sweetly satisfying this sort of thing had been
past all the hot and heavy relationships and one night stands I'd
experienced. I was glad that Scully and I weren't rushing into things.
We weren't suffocating each other, diving in to something headfirst.
We'd spent a long time learning about each other, learning what makes us
tick, cultivating the most important relationship I'd ever had. And now
we were being just as cautious about this, tiptoeing gingerly. It was
awkward, especially because we never tackled these emotional issues
straight out. I don't think either of us really liked that idea. I 
wondered how she would react if I kissed her right now -- But the moment
had passed.

She'd turned her gaze back to the kids, who were now playing on the 
climbing equipment, Jacqueline holding their hands for balance as they 
walked along the beams. Astrid saw us and grinned at us both, waving 
with her free hand. "Look at me!" she shouted happily.

Scully laughed, retracting her hand from beneath mine to clap. I missed
the warmth, the connection immediately.
"Wonderful, Astrid," she praised, smiling. She glanced up at me. "Are 
you glad we came now?" she asked, eyes dancing happily.

I couldn't kiss her now, not when there was the chance that it would
drive the happiness out of her eyes. Instead I just smiled, a little
sheepishly. "Yeah."
I noticed that Scully's hand had returned to my knee and I drew her
closer against me. I drew a deep breath. "You know, I think I could get 
used to this." I hadn't been sure of it until I spoke it, but there was
definate relief when I spoke the words.

Scully twisted her head to look up at me curiously. "Really?"

I rubbed her arm, staring across at the playground thoughtfully.
"Yeah." Yeah, I'd much rather be here in the sun with my arm around 
Scully than sitting alone at home, or alone in my dark office, or at
her hospital bedside after yet another case had threatened her life.

Scully relaxed against me again. "As strange as it sounds... I think
I could too," she admitted, smiling reflectively. "It's just... safe.
It's easier to focus in rather than out, on yourself and your little
world instead of the fate of the world and whether or not we're all 
going to be brought down by a bunch of little grey extraterrestrials."

I smiled. If Scully's learnt anything from me, it's the color of EBEs.
"It's like being a kid again, huh?"

"Like being part of a family, again," Scully murmured. I think it took 
her a few seconds before she realised the significance of what she'd 
said and she ducked her head, embarrassed.

"Family's important to you, huh?" I asked gently after a moment's
silence.

She nodded. "Yeah. It is."

I nodded slowly, then reluctantly retracted my arm, standing. "How about 
we get something to eat while we're stopped?" I suggested, offering her
a hand up, which she accepted.

"Picnic lunch?" Her eyes lit up. I could imagine that she was 
remembering big Scully family picnic lunches as a kid. Her family 
seemed like the sort that would do that, have happy family outings
somewhere. "Sounds good."

I grinned, patting her on the back. "You go watch the kids. I'll go dig 
out whatever food we've got left in the car."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

Mulder's suggestion took my completely by surprise. Sure, I guess the
idea of a picnic lunch at the park was logical; we were already there,
the kids were having fun, there was still a fair bit of food left in
the car and we had to have lunch some time. But Mulder and picnic
lunches have just never gone together in my mind. 
I watched his retreating figure for a few long seconds, studying the
way he walked. The way Mulder walks is always such a clue to his mood,
one of the very few small signs that show what his face doesn't. He's
always so fascinating to watch. Now he was practically skipping along.

I turned and started to move closer to the play equipment. Joshua was
at the top of the slide, hesitating about coming down. Jacqueline was
standing near the top end of the slide talking pacifyingly to Astrid,
who was waiting impatiently behind her brother. 

I moved to the bottom of the slide and started cajoling. "Come on, Josh!
You're a big brave boy, aren't you?"

Joshua still looked scared and indecisive, and Astrid, becoming bored
waiting for her go, pulled him out of the way and slid down herself,
shrieking in delight. When I caught her at the bottom she was grinning 
happily. "Did you see me, Dana? Did you see me?"

"Yeah, I saw you," I assured her cheerfully. I'd never seen a kid so
happy about going down a slide. "Was it fun?"

Astrid nodded enthusiastically, jumping up and down on the spot.
"Can I go again? Please?"

I laughed. "Sure." I gave her a gentle shove and she ran around, 
climbing up the steps and crawling through the plastic tunnel to get to 
the top, where Joshua was near tears, scared to go on the slide. 
Jacqueline was trying to reassure him, cajoling him, but he kept shaking 
his head. She pulled him out of the way for a small red-headed boy to go 
down, producing a tissue and wiping away his tears.

"Hey, look, Astrid's about to go down again," she said persuasively. I
moved beside her, watching her intently. The pair of them watched as 
Astrid slid down again enthusiastically but Joshua still shook his head, 
scared.

I gave her a nudge. "Go down with him."

Jacqueline's eyebrows rose. "Me?" she looked surprised, as though the 
idea was foreign to her.

I nodded. The feeling that I was more knowledgeable in this small thing
made me feel a lot more confident around her. I could remember when I'd 
gone along with Missy once on one of her babysitting jobs and I'd been
so scared that she'd laugh because I didn't know how to change a diaper.
That feeling of inadequacy was something I'd hated, even though Missy
had had some sympathy for me and shown me how to do it step by step
without any sarcastic comments. I'd still been envious of the ease with
which she handled the baby. I felt that same jealousy now, afraid that
some simple occasion would arise and I wouldn't know how to deal with 
it and Jacqueline would. My newfound confidence dispelled a little of 
the feeling that I was being supervised by Jacqueline whenever I 
interacted with her siblings.
"Show him that it's not scary," I explained reassuringly.

Jacqueline nodded, jumping up the small set of stairs and squeezing
through the tunnel, avoiding the dozen other small children running
around, and reaching the top of the short slide. She pulled Joshua into 
her lap as she sat down, her arms around him protectively. 
"Let's go, Joshie," she announced as she pushed off, not giving him a 
chance to wriggle out of her arms. She out a shout of exhilaration as 
they slid down. Joshua looked a little dazed when they reached the 
ground and his lower lip trembled for a second as if he were going to 
cry. But then his mouth curved up into a crooked smile and he let out
a shaky giggle, and three seconds later he was tugging Jacqueline up
the steps again for another try.

Astrid dragged me over to the other end of the huge climbing structure,
telling me sternly to catch her at the bottom and then dashing off,
climbing up the netted rope latter, through a small tunnel and running
across a short bridge to reach the top of the slide. The second slide
was a longer closed in pipe one which made several turns before it
reached the base. I could remember how much I used to love those and I
had to bite down the sudden urge to climb up through it, like Charlie 
and I always had as kids. With my luck I'd probably get stuck on the
way up, and that was the last thing any of us needed at the moment.

"Catch me at the bottom, Dana!" Astrid called, waving from the top of 
the slide before dropping down and giving herself an almighty push. I 
grinned as I heard the muffled squeals of delight through the plastic 
pipe slide, catching Astrid as she came to a stop at the bottom. She 
threw her arms around my waist happily and I laughed. "Fun?" I grinned.

"Lots and lots and lots and lots of fun!" Astrid enthused.

I smiled, patting her on the head. Lots and lots and lots and lots of
fun. Yep, that pretty much described the majority of my morning so far.
Well, throw a surreal in there, too.
I stifled a yawn and glanced around to check on Jacqueline and Joshua,
wondering if Joshua was sick of the slide yet. 
Then a cold chill ran over me. I couldn't see them anywhere. 

"Astrid, where's Jacqui and Josh?" I asked. My tone was sharp.

I reached down to grab Astrid's hand tightly, my eyes travelling 
around frantically. Children were swarming everywhere but I couldn't
see -

I jumped, catching my breath suddenly as I felt a hand on my shoulder, 
my hand fumbling for my weapon, hidden under my brown suede jacket, as I 
spun around. We're caught, we're caught, we're caught... The words ran 
though my mind rapidly, endlessly. Then I let out a sigh of relief.
"Jesus, Mulder! You scared me!"

"Hey, it's -" he started cheerfully, but I interrupted.

"Mulder, I've lost Jacqueline and Joshua," I said desperately. I knew
I was panicking but everything had just been going fine and now they 
were gone and it was my fault because I should have been watching them
closer instead of standing aroung thinking warm 'n fuzzy thoughts. "They 
were just right here and-" I picked up Astrid, balancing her on my hip 
and holding her tightly, my eyes continuing to frantically scan the 
playground.

Mulder chuckled, resting his hands reassuringly on my shoulders. "It's
okay, Scully, they're over there." He manoeuvred me around gently, 
pointing to a small set of picnic tables where several families were
gathered, and I could see Jacqueline digging through a large grocery 
bag Mulder had thrown all the food into and Joshua sitting on the wooden 
table, chewing on a carrot.
I let out a heavy sigh, lowering Astrid to the ground, weak with relief.
I half fell against Mulder, trying to catch my breath and slow my
heartrate. "I got scared," I muttered. I think maybe that was one of the
first times I'd ever admitted something like that to Mulder without 
being bullied into a confession. "I thought they'd been caught."

Mulder rubbed my back reassuringly, pulling me into a half-hug.
"It's okay, we're all safe."

I nodded, pulling out of his arms. I couldn't let myself get all weak
and needy. Even if it did feel wonderful to have Mulder's arms around
me, so protective. "Let's get some lunch, huh?" I said shakily.

He nodded, and I let him slip his arm around my waist as we slowly 
walked over to the picnic tables. Astrid ran ahead of us, as energetic 
as ever. Mulder's touch was as calming as ever and by the time we
reached the kids I was feeling relaxed again, though mentally kicking 
myself for both panicking so much and for not paying enough attention to
all of the kids in the first place. 

I drew a deep breath. "So, what's for lunch?"

Jacqueline looked up. "Bagels from this morning, some apples, some
cheese crackers, and mineral water," she announced. "Plus there's a few 
hazelnut cookies left from yesterday."

We settled down at the table, Mulder and I on one side, Joshua and 
Jacqueline on the other, and Astrid skipping around from one side to the 
other, babbling cheerfully about the castle she and Joshua had built in 
the sandbox and the other numerous achievements of the morning.
I must admit that I wasn't really paying that much attention to her.
Mulder and I were sitting closely together - and I mean *really* close
together. We sat in comfortable silence as we ate, occasionally offering
each other a bite of something. I let myself enjoy the thrill that ran
through me when Mulder's lips brushed my fingers, and I almost giggled
when he licked some crumbs off my fingertips.
Joshua and Astrid ran off as soon as they'd eaten enough, racing over to
the play equipment, playing some sort of make-believe game in a small, 
toadstool-shaped house. As I watched them, it occurred to me for the 
first time that they seemed almost oblivious to the other children. I 
watched curiously for a moment, then asked Jacqueline, "Did Joshua and 
Astrid ever associate with other children their own age?"

Jacqueline shook her head. "Not really. When Astrid was two there were
a couple of children - the sons of one of the researchers - who were
brought in as playmates, to see how well she reacted in a social 
situation. But she'd just become so used to having people around her
all the time observing but not interacting that she'd ignore them, 
becoming oblivious. Especially when it came to these other children - 
she didn't know how to communicate with them because she was so mentally 
advanced, so after a few attempts, she gave up trying. It's only because 
she's known Joshua since he was a baby that she accepts him, just like 
she accepts me."

I nodded slowly, returning my gaze to the playground. "It's a pity," I
murmured. "They should have friends their own ages."

"That's the problem with having such advanced intelligence levels,"
Jacqueline said quietly. "You're not entirely a kid but nobody accepts 
you as an adult either."

"Sounds like you're speaking from the heart," Mulder observed quietly.

Jacqueline chuckled self-consciously, standing and brushing some crumbs 
from her jacket. "I'm going to go -" She indicated the play area and I 
nodded.

"You forgiven her yet?" I asked softly when we were alone.

Mulder shrugged. "Yeah, I guess." He cleared his throat. "Actually,"
he said hesitantly, "I've been thinking about what you said - about her 
only being able to work on emotions that already exist."

I swallowed, suddenly uncomfortable. More than anything else I didn't
want us to get into an argument, and I had a feeling that this 
conversation would definately cause tension. I hated tension. And,
frankly, I wasn't in the mood for any more deep and meaningful 
conversations at the moment. We were enjoying ourselves. Why did he
have to dredge this up? 
"And?" I asked reluctantly.

Mulder didn't meet my gaze, instead staring off into the distance.
"What if... hypothetically... one of us decided we wanted to act on 
those feelings?"

My stomach flip-flopped then and a hundred chills ran through me. I
looked at him sharply, then looked away. "I guess," I said slowly, 
"That we'd have to talk about it first. See if we both felt the same 
way. Hypothetically, of course," I added quickly. I sounded so 
breathless, but, as corny as it sounded, Mulder had taken my breath
away with that question. He wasn't really talking in hypotheticals. 
He was asking me how I would react if he confessed to wanting a more 
sexual relationship with me. Oh my God.

"I see," Mulder reached to take my hand, his fingers interlacing with
my own. "And then what?"

"Well, I guess we would... uh... I guess we'd ... we'd..." I broke off, 
suddenly, shaking my head. We couldn't do this, it was just too sudden 
and completely the wrong time to deal with it. Sudden? I almost laughed
at myself. It had taken us six long years to reach the point where we
would touch each other without needing to be in a life or death 
situation, for that tingle of excitement as well as comfort. But we
shouldn't be pushing our relationship this far, not if we wanted to
continue working together. That was the only firm belief I had to hold 
onto. "Mulder, hypothetically or not, we're not having this 
conversation." I withdrew my hand from his grasp and stood. I was 
shaking but I couldn't stop myself.

"Scully..." Mulder said slowly. "Think about it."

He looked up to meet my gaze finally, his eyes so, so serious. I nodded,
wrapping my arms around myself, hugging myself reassuringly. "I will," I 
promised softly. And I really meant that. I was going to think about it
long and hard. I turned and left him, joining the kids at the seesaw.

"Hey, Dana, are you okay?" Jacqueline jumped up as soon as she saw me.

I felt a flicker of panic run through me. "Huh? I'm fine." I tried to
smile but I think it came out kinda shaky.

"You just look kinda weird, that's all," Jacqueline explained, frowning.
"Sure you're all right?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I'm okay. I, uh, just had an interesting
conversation with Mulder, that's all," I admitted.

"Is everything back to normal with you two?" Jacqueline asked eagerly.
"I still feel so guilty..."

I chuckled shakily, shaking my head in disbelief. "No, it's not back to
normal... it's totally bizarre. Surreal." I wasn't sure yet whether
that was good or bad.

"But that's not a bad thing?"

I chuckled again. "We were talking in hypotheticals," I admitted. "If, 
hypothetically, one of us decided to act on our emotions, what, 
hypothetically, would happen?"

Jacqueline squealed. "Dana, you know what that means?!!"

I was unable to help a smile as I held up a warning finger.
"You promised not to meddle any more, Jacqueline, remember?"

"I'm not going to meddle!" Jacqueline protested, glancing quickly down
at her siblings to ensure that they were playing happily before 
returning her gaze to me. "Come on, Dana, as a *friend*. Talk to me!
You know you want to."

I couldn't deny that. I curbed a chuckle. "Well, I guess..." I agreed. I 
shocked myself when I giggled suddenly. "God, I haven't giggled since I 
was ten!" I knew I should calm myself down and stop giggling, but I
realised with a sudden rebellious kick that I didn't *want* to. It felt
great to let myself laugh, even about this. This is nuts, Dana, the
little voice in my head said. I ignored it.

"But you're happy, right, Dana?" Jacqueline grinned. "You've been 
grinning all day."

I shook my head slowly, trying to calm myself down. I knew I had to
whether I wanted or not, because I had to act adult and be responsible, 
not a giggling mess. "Yeah, I am happy," I admitted, smiling sheepishly. 

"And Mulder's been really affectionate to you all day, hasn't he?"
Jacqueline said slyly. 

"Yeah, he - hey, you *promised*!" I saw what she was doing and I 
probably should have gotten mad at her, but I wasn't. Instead, I burst 
out laughing. The relief of simply letting the laughter out was 
incredible.

"Sorry, Dana," Jacqueline grinned cheekily.

I drew a few deep breaths, trying to stop myself from laughing. I was
acting insane and it really *did* have to stop. I managed to calm down
a little before I mock accused Jacqueline, "Have you been drugging my 
food?" I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd said yes. I felt as high
as a kite. It really did have to stop. Special Agent Dana Scully, MD,
didn't act like this.

"Face it, Dana, you're on a natural high," Jacqueline announced. "And
I know whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..." She was teasing me, and I
took the bait knowing that, holding up a threatening finger.

"Don't you dare say it," I warned. I was grinning.

"Say what?" Jacqueline asked innocently.

I rolled my eyes with another giggle. "That I'm on a high because I've 
discovered how madly in love I am with Mulder." I giggled again, rolling 
my eyes at my own insane behaviour.

"Really?" came a dry, teasing voice from behind me. 

I froze for a second, feeling as though I'd be violently sick. Then I
turned sharply, a reflex, and tried to swallow as I met Mulder's more
than just enquiring gaze. "Uh... hypothetically, of course," I added 
quickly, giving him a half-apologetic shrug. I was drawing short, 
nervous breaths and feeling dangerously close to passing out or throwing 
up. Or both.

Mulder smiled gently at me for a few moments, seeming to sense my dread 
of his wanting to discuss what I'd just said. He reached down to take my 
hand, then leant toward me, laying a gentle kiss on my cheek. "Of 
course," he murmured. He pulled away, saying casually, "I can see an 
ice-cream truck coming down the road. Anyone still hungry?"

I finally managed to swallow and the dizziness subsided. I'd never been
this weak when dealing with this sort of stuff. I hadn't been great at
it, but I hadn't been weak, and that had been fine. I didn't like that
Mulder was capable of making my heart act like an engine that kept
stalling.

Three blank faces stared up at him. "Ice-cream?" Jacqueline queried.

"You kids've never had ice-cream?" Mulder demanded in a suitably shocked
tone. "Well, Scully," he turned to me, grinning. "Time for some 
educating!" He pointed to the road on the other side of the park. 
"C'mon, let's get over there before all the other kids beat us to it!" 

Astrid flew off across the park, followed by Joshua and Jacqueline,
yelling for her sister to slow down. Mulder and I began to follow them, 
walking slowly.

"Mulder, I..." I began, letting out a shaky breath. I ducked my head, 
embarrassed, my face burning. His digression into icecream had been a
reprieve, but now I knew I had to face the music. "I really don't know 
what came over me. I just kinda lost control for a moment..."

"You were giggling," Mulder reminded me, smiling.

I rolled my eyes. "For the first time in a long, long -"

Mulder interrupted. "I liked it," he said simply.

I looked up at him, surprised. "Really?" I asked, fighting to catch my
breath yet again. I wished he would stop doing that, and, yet, it made
me realise how potent our relationship was.

He nodded, grinning, and in a sudden movement he swept me up into his 
arms. "Mulder," I protested, "Put me down, now." Mulder chuckled, 
spinning around in a circle. "Mulder!" I shrieked, clinging tightly to 
him, "Stop it! Stop it!!"

Mulder chuckled. "Not on your life," he grinned. 

He began to tip me up side down and I let out a shriek, I'm ashamed to
admit. "Put me down, Mulder," I continued to protest, breathless. 
"Mulder, I'm serious! Put me down now!"

"Never!" he answered teasingly.

"Mulder..." Unable to stop myself, I burst out giggling. "I feel so
stupid," I giggled. He was spinning around in a circle now.

"Maybe because you're just discovering how madly you're in love with 
me," he whispered, slowing to a stop.

God, no, Mulder. Anything but that. "Mulder..." I whispered. "Please... 
don't." My eyes, agonized, met his pleadingly.

"You sure?" he asked soberly.

I nodded, closing my eyes briefly. "I think so." 

He lowered me down to the ground, running his hands gently down my
arms. "Sorry," he said softly.

I smiled sadly, shaking my head. "Don't be." I hesitated for a moment,
then reached down, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. He looked
up at me for a moment, looking miserable, then he nodded slowly. The
two of us slowly made our way across the park.

Astrid threw her arms around us in greeting as we reached the van.
"Can I have all of them, Fox?" she asked hopefully.

He'd cheered up a bit, or at least, put on a convincing enough smile,
by the time we got there, and he chuckled, patting her on the head.
"Only one, I think," he answered, amused.

After a few minutes of questions, explanations and decisions, the three
kids all stood holding ice-cream cones. "What about you, Scully?" Mulder 
asked me casually.

I'd been standing next to a tree, my arms crossed, and I looked up, 
startled. "Me? Oh, no, I'm fine."

Mulder looked at me pleadingly. "Scully, come on, you *have* to have
one." He pouted.

I shook her head, trying to resist. I'd had enough junk food over the
last couple of days and it made me feel unfit and unhealthy. Besides,
icecream on cones wasn't really my sort of thing. "Really, Mulder, I'm 
not -"

He cut me off. "Chocolate okay?"

I gave in with a small smile. He would bully me in to it somehow, I
knew, so I might as well surrender gracefully. Plus I was eager to make
it up to him, what little I could do. I could see how much I'd hurt him 
before. "With sprinkles?"

He laughed. "Of course," he agreed.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 


The bus depot was down the street near the airport and car rental 
agency, a twenty minute drive away. We arrived there only ten minutes
before our coach was scheduled to leave, Mulder returning the car 
while Jacqueline and I organised our luggage, throwing out most of the 
remaining food, packing some small snacks into one of the remaining 
carry bags. The rest of our bags were stowed away in storage, and
it was only then that I discovered that Mulder had only booked four 
seats.

"I thought it would be better," he explained. "We don't want to be
too spread out. This way you and Jacqueline can take turns with Joshua 
on your lap... Just pretend he's under two, k?"

"Liar, liar," I murmured, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I think I can handle 
that."

We were called to board and I motioned for the kids to come closer to 
me, bending down to talk to them. "Okay, now, we're catching this bus to 
where Fox and I live, but we're going to pretend that we're a family, 
okay? So you call me Mommy, and you call Fox Daddy. Is that alright?" 
I crossed my fingers behind my back, wondering if it was such a wise
idea. Sure, it was the safest way, the least conspicuous, yadda yadda
yadda. I had plenty of logical reasons why we were doing it. But I think 
deep down I knew that the real reason was that I just wanted to pretend 
to myself that these kids really were mine. I wanted to play families,
just like we'd played as kids. But playing for real, this time.

But Joshua shook his head unhappily. "No," he whispered.

Jacqueline pulled him close to her, ruffling his hair. "Hey, you're my
brave little Josh, aren't you?" she asked encouragingly. "This is a game
of make believe. We have to pretend for a little bit so the bad men
don't find us."

Yeah, that's it. Just so that the bad men don't find us. It meant 
nothing more than that.
Joshua nodded reluctantly. Astrid was more enthusiastic. "Can I call
you Mommy all the time, Dana?" she asked happily, eyes shining.

I was touched. I smiled at her, resisting the urge to pull her into a
hug and smother her in a big maternal hug. I was about to respond when
Mulder gently nudged me. I looked up and saw him shaking his head
slowly and I sighed. He was right, I knew it, but I hated having to 
accept it.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea, Astrid," I said finally, 
shaking my head. "Just when we're pretending."

Astrid looked downcast and I unhappily reached out to tousle her hair. 
"I'm sorry, sweetie." And I really was. Sorry for me but sorry more for
her. I'd seen the way her eyes had lit up when I'd suggested the idea,
I'd seen the wistful way she'd been looking at other kids with their
parents in the park. 

We were the last to board the relatively empty coach, finding two sets 
of seats near the back, one in front of the other. 

"Mommy, how long til we get there?" Astrid asked when the engine started
and the bus sprung to life with a cough, turning around in her seat and
kneeling so she could see us over the headrest.

"A few hours," I said reassuringly, my arms tightening around Joshua who 
sat squirming in her lap. As long as he kept his mouth shut, it was
easy to pretend he was under two. He and Astrid were both tiny for their
ages, short and skinny little kids. Jacqueline, who was taller than me,
towered over them. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?" I suggested
to Astrid.

I smiled as Jacqueline pulled her sister back down into the seat 
properly. "Behave, missy," she warned affectionately. "Don't draw 
attention to yourself."

I could hear their exchange through the seat and smiled as I listened,
leaning back in my own seat.
"I'm a grown up," Astrid informed her sister as she settled back into
her seat. "Joshua's still a kid cos he has to sit on Da- Mommy's lap,
but I get a seat all to myself."

"Yeah, you're all grown up, aren't you?" Jacqueline spoke indulgently,
like she were talking to any normal four year old.

"You're my favourite sister, Duckie." She giggled happily.

Jacqueline laughed. "You're my favourite sister too, Astrid."

I stopped straining to listen and focused on Joshua, who was still
struggling to climb out of my lap. I let him go, and he climbed across
to Mulder's lap and settled down with his face pressed against the
window, watching the world go by.
I chuckled as I saw Mulder uncomfortably shift under him, hesitatingly 
patting Joshua's head. He threw me an imploring glance, one that clearly 
said he didn't know how to deal with the situation, and I smiled to
myself. 

"You're the one who took the windowseat," I reminded him. 

"Swap?" Mulder offered, eyes brightening.

I laughed. "Come on, Rob, honey, he *is* your son," I emphasized. 
"Talk to him."

Mulder looked almost scared by the idea and I rolled my eyes. How
scared could somebody be to talk to a two year old?
"Darling," I said, smiling oh so sweetly, "Amuse our son."
I would never admit it, but I was really beginning to love calling him
by these affectionate nicknames. The only question was whether I'd
be able to stop once this case was over..

Mulder grinned sheepishly. "Yes ma'am," he said briskly. "Joshua?" he
patted him on the shoulder to get his attention. Joshua looked up 
warily, silently. Mulder glanced across at me again, helplessly. I 
half-smiled, leaning across to whisper in his ear. Mulder's face lit
up. "Hey, Joshua, what can you see outside the window?" he asked
cheerfully.

Leaning back into my seat, I watched as Joshua looked out the window, 
then back at Mulder insecurely.

"I can see lots of houses and trees," Mulder said cheerfully. "And 
there's some people out there too. What else?"

Joshua glanced out again. "Clouds," he said reluctantly. I grinned to
myself, happy that my plan had worked, and relieved for Mulder's sake.

Mulder grinned. "You like to look at the clouds, do you?" He looked 
across at me, beaming like a kid, and I returned the smile. "Can you 
ever see animals in the clouds, maybe?" he continued.

Joshua chewed on his lip, pointing out through the tinted window.
"There's a tiger," he pointed slowly, still reluctant.

"A tiger? Wow." Mulder sounded impressed. I bit back a laugh. He was
so wonderfully earnest. "What else?" He listened patiently to Joshua's 
answers, which became increasingly confident and eager, though still
pretty short. I watched with a warm smile, reaching out to clasp 
Mulder's right hand, holding it affectionately. I needed that touch
between us. And more than that, I wanted it.

Daylight began to fade outside, a brilliant sunset appearing, the sky 
streaked orange to pink, trees and landforms black against it.

"That's incredible," I marvelled. It had been a long time since I'd
seen the sun set. Usually all I got was a glimpse of a pink streaked
sky out of my living room window. I lifted the armrest out of the 
way so I could lean against Mulder to get a better view out.

Mulder nodded agreement, slipping his right arm around me and pulling
me close. I loved how he did that these days so matter of factly. Just
like he'd always had his hand at the small of my back or brushed the
hair out of my eyes for me, it was a simple, casual touch, a touch that
conveyed affection. We were getting more and more like that with every
day that passed. 

We sat that way for a while, Joshua falling asleep against Mulder, his
thumb in his mouth. Astrid kept kneeling in her seat to talk over the 
top to us, beginning almost every sentence with "Mommy" or "Daddy", as 
though trying to get as much mileage out of them while she could. It
brought tears to my eyes when she called Mulder "Daddy" and he smiled
up at her indulgently, talking to her teasingly like my dad always used
to do with me. I remembered what I'd told Mulder only a day or two ago, 
that he'd make a great dad. I'd meant it then and I felt even more 
strongly about it now. Seeing him with Josh asleep on his lap as he 
talked to Astrid, I wished fervently that he would some day experience
real fatherhood. I could see him crooning a baby to sleep, changing a
diaper, giving a bottle, and I sighed wistfully. I knew that he would
never have that, not as long as he and I were partners. And he and I
would be partners forever, regardless of what our work dictated. We were
like two objects that had been fused together, irrevocably combined,
and I knew then that we couldn't survive apart in this world. Not when
we knew what was out there. 

As I sat watching Mulder with Joshua, Jacqueline sat reading Stephen 
King's 'The Dark Side' - a book Mulder had brought along for his own 
reading on the case, and dealing with Astrid's constant interruptions 
and cheerful chatting with a patient, amused smile. 
Eventually Astrid tired herself out and fell asleep, snoring quietly.
Jacqueline had put her book down, finished, and was staring out the
window pensively. Mulder, also worn out by the days events, was resting
his head against the window, his eyes closed, one arm slipped under 
Joshua to stop him from sliding off. I smiled at the sight, knowing
that I simply would not have believed such a thing was possible a week
ago. I'd always had some inherent belief that Mulder disliked children. 
Certainly, he never directly came into contact with them - not like me, 
with my nieces and nephews and godchildren. It was natural that he was 
uncomfortable around them, and the knowledge that he had overcome that 
uneasiness made it even more endearing.
I leaned against him, pressing my face against the folds of his thick 
knitted sweater and inhaling his scent deeply. It was a smell I knew 
intimately, one which always filled me with such affection for him and 
confidence. Mulder slipped his arm behind my back, rubbing my side in 
small, circular motions. 

I let out a small murmur. "I thought you were asleep."

"Just resting my eyes," Mulder whispered.

"You should get some sleep," I murmured, lowering my voice. "We're
all safe here."

"Yeah, I know," Mulder answered, his fingers stopping their caressing
and resting gently on my stomach. Moments later, the two of us were
asleep. 

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE POV - 

I pulled myself upright in my seat to glance over, smiling when I saw 
all three of them asleep. Dana and Fox were so utterly adorable together
like that, and I hoped they both slept the rest of the way. They both
looked exhausted, which didn't surprise me, not after they'd both been
up for most of the night and had about three intense arguments. The
amount of emotion I'd witnessed between the pair of them was incredible.
I smiled, settling back down in my own seat, careful not to wake Astrid.
Not that I should have really worried; both Astrid and Joshie sleep like
the dead. I glanced around the coach one last time before I settled down
to go to sleep, and I found that the woman sitting across the aisle was
smiling at me. 

"Looks like they've had a long day," she remarked kindly. "Very well-
suited couple."

I smiled. "Yeah, they are."

"They're your parents, are they, dearie?" the woman asked, her tone 
friendly and grandmotherly.

That was when my defenses suddenly went up, when I realised that I was
speaking to somebody who could be working for the compound. I knew I 
wasn't being overly paranoid. I knew what they were like, and I knew 
that this wasn't beyond them. Trust no one, I reminded myself. Ensuring
that my voice was perfectly calm and uninflected, I answered, "Yeah, 
they are."

"My daughter-in-law is a redhead too," the woman said amiably. "All
her children took after her, God bless them." She smiled. "You all
take after your father, I see."

I nodded, feeling a momentary stab of depression. I wished that Dana
and Fox were my parents more than anything else in the world, but I
knew I had to be realistic. As attached Dana was getting to the kids -
and even Fox, to some extent - I knew that they were too busy punishing
themselves and trying to save the world to let themselves be happy. It
wasn't a nice thought, it was brutal. But it was how I honestly saw 
them.

I'd been wishing uneasily for a distraction and I got one. Astrid 
shifted sleepily beside me. "Duckie, how long til we get there?" 

I glanced at my watch. "Only another half hour or so," I assured her. 
"You go back to sleep."

Astrid shook herself, sleepily climbing onto my lap. "I don't want to go 
back to sleep. Can you read me a story, Duckie?"

I glanced up at the woman across the aisle, but she'd turned her 
attention back to a magazine. "Yeah, I'll read you a story," I agreed. 
I dug around in the bag at my feet and finally pulled out 'Anne of Green 
Gables', opening it and beginning to read aloud to Astrid.

I'd just finished the first chapter when Astrid pulled the book from my
hands. "My turn to read," she announced. She always got bored of just 
listening.

"No, Astrid, just let me read..." I protested, trying to take the book 
back. Letting a four year old who looked like a three year old read a
book with small print aloud wasn't the best thing if we wanted to stay
low profile, which we did. But Astrid insisted, finding the page we had 
finished at and beginning to read. She was only a few sentences into
it when I noticed the woman across the aisle staring at Astid. I nudged 
Astrid, reaching to take the book from her, but once again Astrid pulled 
it out of my reach. 

"You're a wonderful reader," the woman said kindly. "How old are you?"

"She's five," I answered quickly.

"Really? Five?" The woman beamed at Astrid. I nudged Astrid and she
nodded, beaming back. 

"Do you go to elementary school, dearie?" 

I felt my nerves starting to fray. This was the first time we'd come
into contact with strangers, and I didn't know if Astrid had enough
sense to play along. Before she could answer, I explained, "She goes 
next year. Our mother has been teaching her to read." That sounded like
a believable enough explanation. 

"Oh, I see. That's very nice," the woman smiled.

I smiled back at her tightly, then, finally prising the book from 
Astrid's grip, settled back and began reading again.

The rest of the trip was uninterrupted, the kind woman from across the
aisle smiling as the five of us stood and left the coach. Fox was
holding a still sleeping Joshua in his arms and Dana scooped up the once 
again sleepy Astrid. Collecting our luggage, we hailed a taxi and all 
piled in, Fox sitting in the front beside the driver and the rest of us
squeezed in the back. We stopped in a dark alley under a flickering
streetlight. I just hoped this wasn't where we were going to stay...


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 

Frohike opened the door, jaw dropping. "Jeez, Mulder, you could have
told us you were bringing the family," he muttered. Mulder and I had 
turned up at his door with a variety of surprises in the past, but I 
guess that this one took the cake.

I pushed past him, supporting Astrid with one arm, holding two bags with 
the other. I dropped the bags down along one wall and then gently
lowered Astrid down onto the couch. "We might be a while here," I said 
with a sigh. "You try and get back to sleep."

Astrid pulled herself upright, pouting. "Mommy, I'm hungry."

My heart sank. I hated what I had to do. "It's Dana now, remember?" I 
reminded her. I silently cursed myself for the unwelcome, bitter tears 
that were forming in my eyes. It was unfair, it was so unfair.

Astrid nodded in unwilling agreement and I patted her on the head. 
"I'll see if I can get you and Josh something to eat, okay?"

Astrid gave her brother a hug in greeting as he was dropped down on the 
couch beside her, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"You kids don't touch anything, hear me?" Mulder warned. I couldn't 
blame him for his stern tone. We were both fully aware of all the many 
not-so-childsafe objects left laying around the room.

He turned, his hand resting on my back as we returned to Jacqueline, who 
was standing awkwardly just inside the door, stared at by Frohike, Byers 
and Langly.

"Guys, remember that info you were sent about the Genesis Project?
Well, meet your source," Mulder announced, indicating Jacqueline.

She stared at the three men. They stared back.
"*You're* the ones I was contacting?" Jacqueline asked in disbelief.

"But you're only a kid," Byers said, surprised.

"I'm almost sixteen," Jacqueline retorted indignantly.

"Wait a second..." Frohike stared at her, then at her siblings, slowly
realising. "You mean that *you're* the kids who were..." He shook his
head. "Incredible."

"How did you find out how to contact us?" Langly asked eagerly, pulling 
out a small tape recorder. Mulder reached out to push it down. 

"No," he warned. "You're putting yourselves at risk."

Frohike whistled. "This is big, huh?"

Jacqueline ignored Frohike. "Somebody brought a copy of your newsletter
into the compound - just one of the researchers. I think he said that
his brother was subscribed... They thought it was amusing." She shrugged
apologetically as the gunmen looked indignant. "Anyway, for the first
time I realised I had someone I could contact about what was going on -
someone interested in the truth."

The gunmen all shrugged modestly.
"This *is* big," Frohike muttered.

Langly and Byers agreed, and soon the three of them had launched into
an indepth conversation, Mulder listening intently and adding the
occasional comment. I just stood there the whole time, feeling 
completely worn out, far too tired to follow their rapid conversation.

"Uh, I hate to interrupt, but is there any chance you guys have any
food? The kids are kinda hungry," I interrupted finally.

"Fridge is over there," Frohike gestured. "Help yourself."

I approached it warily, fully expecting it to be like Mulder's fridge, 
or worse. If such a thing were possible. I was pleasantly surprised to 
find it not only well supplied, but neatly arranged, leftovers in marked 
plastic containers. I felt instinctively that it must be Byers' work -
neither Frohike or Langly were neat or patient enough to have done the 
task. I sorted through, finding a loaf of bread and some cream cheese. 
Jacqueline joined me as she started to make the sandwiches, pulling out 
another butter knife and cutting the sandwiches into small triangles. 

"They're talking about Rodger and Cate," she said finally. "Fox wants
to find their murderer."

"You don't sound too happy about that," I noted, glancing up at her.

Jacqueline bit her lip. "I'm not," she admitted. "I just want to forget
about them."

"Do you think you even could?" I asked gently. I felt sure she couldn't.
Didn't she want justice for what had happened?

"I want to," Jacqueline answered simply. "I want to just start 
everything fresh." She dropped the sandwiches on plastic plates and
carried them across to her siblings, talking quietly as they sat
obediently on the couch. I followed her over, kneeling beside the couch.

"Dana, when are we going to your home?" Astrid asked hopefully between
bites.

"As soon as Fox and I have finished talking to our friends," I assured 
her, summoning up a tired smile.

"What are your friends names?" Astrid asked curiously. "They're funny
looking."

I bit back a laugh. That was a bit of an understatement. "Well, the tall 
one's name is... Byers. The one with the long blond hair is Langly, and 
the shorter one is Frohike."

Astrid giggled. "They've got funny sounding names too!"

I couldn't disagree with that one either, but I shushed her anyway, 
smiling. "That's not a very nice thing to say, is it, sweetie?"

Astrid looked puzzled. "But it's true," she insisted. "Are they their
last names or first names? Cos my last name's kinda funny - Moss. It's
a type of plant."

"You're a very clever little girl, Astrid," I said softly, reaching
out to pat her on the head.

"So are they their first names or last names?" Astrid repeated 
inquisitively.

"Last names," I answered quickly. I smiled at her again, then stood,
murmuring, "You stay here and keep an eye on them," as I passed
Jacqueline. Not that she wouldn't, I suppose. I joined Mulder, Langly, 
Byers and Frohike where they stood, staring down at where they'd spread 
out all the data Jacqueline had sent through to them. Out of habit, 
Mulder slipped his arm around my waist. It took me a few seconds to 
notice the action - it was now so natural and comfortable that I didn't 
feel it was anything out of the ordinary, but once I did notice it I 
felt it was both dangerous and conspicious. I pried his hand off my 
waist and moved apart from him, throwing him a warning glance. We'd
gotten into dangerous habits and now we were back on home turf we just
had to be very, very careful. 

"What's the situation on my apartment?" I asked abruptly. The three
men looked up at me.

"It's all clear, at least as far as we can see. I'd say it's safe," 
Frohike reported.

"Yeah, we swept for bugs this morning," Langly added. "Found none."

"So we're safe to stay there?" I asked hopefully, tired. I didn't want
anything more than to just go home and crash in bed. The idea of 
spending the night here or at Mulder's place... I shuddered 
involuntarily, pressing my lips closer together. Some days I could 
handle the idea of that a lot better than others. 

"As far as we can tell," Byers shrugged. "We can't be certain, of 
course."

"Yeah, of course," I muttered, unsettled. I turned to Mulder. "Are we 
ready to go home?" I asked impatiently.

Mulder laid his hand on my shoulder. I didn't shrug it off. 
"Soon," he said comfortingly.

Langly went over to the peephole, looking out. "You guys didn't drive
here?"

"Took a taxi," I said absently, my eyes ranging over the printed data. 
It felt like forever since we'd first seen it. I shook myself. 
"Can I use your phone to call for another?"

"Hey, it's okay, Scully... we'll give you guys a lift home," Byers
assured me quickly, glancing across at his two collegues before 
returning his earnest gaze to me.

"You sure?" I asked doubtfully. "It's just as easy for us to get a 
taxi..."

"We'll do another sweep for bugs," Frohike explained. He swept up the
pages of data and slipped them back into a locked box, which he in turn
put in a small safe. Talk about paranoia. "We're all set to go," he 
announced.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 

The ride to my apartment was short. Jacqueline and I were settled in the 
back seat of the van, each with a sleeping child on our laps.

"I could really get used to this," I admitted softly, stroking Astrid's 
hair. What I really wanted to say was simply, 'I want this in my life', 
but I didn't dare. I couldn't voice it aloud because then I'd no longer
be able to deny it in my own mind.

"I thought you..." Jacqueline bit her lip uncomfortably before forging 
ahead, "You said that you had a daughter, Emily..."

I stared out the window at the passing city. "Yeah, I did," I admitted. 
Maybe by then I'd run out of emotion, because my voice was surprisingly
quiet and calm, resigned. "She died only a few days after I first met 
her..."

"But how could -" Jacqueline broke off, frowning. After a moment she
asked softly, "Was she... like us?"

I nodded slowly. "Kinda. She was an experiment, like you. But she was 
brought up in a real family... her adopted parents loved her." I paused 
before adding softly, "I loved her."

"How did she die?" Jacqueline asked gently.

I chewed on my lip, letting my eyes flood with tears, smiling unhappily. 
"She had a disease... she wasn't as perfect as you three are. She had 
...flaws. And I can't help but think that maybe if I hadn't intervened, 
her father wouldn't have died... and she wouldn't have died." That was
the first time I'd ever voiced that guilt, and after turning it over
in my mind night after night as I tried to sleep, it was almost a
relief. I sighed softly as I realised that we'd arrived at my place.

As we all climbed out of the van, I felt that soothing rush of
familiarity, the comfort of knowing that, finally, I was home. It
reminded me of so many moments when I'd returned home after a hard case, 
after a long hospital stay, or after spending hours at Mulder's bedside, 
leaving only when assured of his survival.

Mulder entered my apartment first, weapon drawn, cautiously switching 
on the lights. He was followed by the lone gunmen, arms full of 
equipment and luggage, and finally Jacqueline and I with the kids. 
As the guys went around the apartment, running metal-sensing wands over 
everything, I pulled out all my spare blankets and pillows and started 
making up beds. 

"You've got a nice apartment," Jacqueline said softly as she and I
dressed a sleepy Astrid and Joshua in their pajamas in my bedroom. "It's 
...homey."

"It's my home," I said simply. There had been times in the past when
I'd virtually lived at Mulder's place and felt more at home there. I'd
even crashed in his bed a few times after a late night reviewing a case.
But that had all changed after that case with the writer. I'd barely
been there at all since then.

There was a knock at the door and it was opened a crack. "Hey, Scully,
can we sweep in here now?" Langly called.

I stood, picking up Astrid, and opened the door, letting the four men 
stream in. Out in my living room, Jacqueline and I tucked the kids into 
the makeshift beds on the floor. The kids deserved a decent bed, but
that was the best I could offer. I consoled myself with the fact that it
was like a mini sleepover as I switched off the room light and turned 
on the lamp beside the couch, providing a soft yellow glow.
As Jacqueline bent down beside her siblings to say goodnight, I heard a 
small beeping sound from my bedroom. I hastily whispered a goodnight and 
entered my bedroom, pausing just inside the doorway and watching the 
scene curiously. Frohike and Mulder were arguing about something, and
Mulder was looking increasingly angry.

"You keep your hands out of there," he was warning Frohike.

"Mulder, somebody's gotta check it," Frohike retorted.

"Then I will," Mulder said exasperatedly. 

Frohike chuckled. "Yeah, you would."

I frowned. It looked like this was going to end up as an all out brawl
and I had no desire for that, particularly not at this time of night. 
Besides, I was curious to find out what Mulder was getting so angry for. 
I cleared my throat. "Uh, guys?"
Frohike and Mulder turned to look at me with sheepish smiles.
"What's going on in here?"

"We think there's a bug in your..." Frohike coughed apologetically,
"lingerie drawer."

I curbed a smile. "I'll take care of it," I said dismissively. I pulled 
the drawer open and was about to start sifting through it when I 
realised that Mulder was still standing behind me, watching me. Giving 
him my most pointed look, he jolted, muttering a quick apology and 
quickly exited the room behind the gunmen. I rolled my eyes with a faint 
smile and began sifting through the drawer, emerging from my bedroom a 
few minutes later holding a small pendant.

"I've been wondering where I lost this," I observed.

Mulder, Langly, Frohike and Byers looked up from positioning movement
sensors on either side of her front door. "No bug?" Frohike asked, 
sounding almost disappointed. 

I shook my head. "No bug. Are you guys almost finished up? It's late
and I want to get some sleep before work tomorrow."

"Almost done," Byers assured her.

"Just gotta do your windows," Langly added.

I sighed, dropping down into one of my kitchen chairs as the men
disappeared again into my bedroom. Jacqueline, who had been hovering 
around watching them, came and sat down opposite me, yawning. "These 
guys are real techs, huh?" she asked curiously. "Where'd they get all 
the equipment from?"

I shrugged. "I wouldn't want to know."

"Are we going to be safe here, Dana?" Jacqueline asked me quietly.

"I hope so," I sighed, feeling my stomach writhing. "I can't guarantee 
anything."

We both jumped as we heard a loud wailing alarm from the next room.
It stopped after a few seconds.

"What was that?" Jacqueline asked, hesitantly uncovering her ears.

"Dana?" A small voice came from the huddle of blankets on the living
room floor.

"Just testing," Langly called from the bedroom.

"That's what's going to wake us up in the middle of the night," I 
grimaced. "It'd wake the dead. My neighbors are going to kill me."
I moved across to where Astrid and Joshua were now wide awake, clinging 
to each other. I was pleasantly surprised that Astrid had called for me 
rather than Jacqueline. 
"It's okay," I reassured them. "It was just Langly being silly."

Astrid clambered into my lap, hugging me tightly. "They woke me up," she 
said, pouting. "And Josh too."

"Yeah, I know they did. They'll be going back to their own home soon,
though, and we'll all be able to get some uninterrupted sleep," I 
reassured. I slid Astrid off my lap, tucking her back under the 
blankets, and then turned to Joshua, who was sitting with his knees 
drawn up to his chest, lower lip trembling.
"Hey, there's nothing to be scared of," I said gently. "Fox and I are 
going to make sure you're safe."

"I don't like the alarm," Joshua whispered. 

"I don't like it either," I agreed with a slight smile. Was that the 
first time I'd gotten a full sentence from him? I patted him on the back 
encouragingly. "You get back to sleep now, okay?"

Joshua nodded, wiggling back under the blanket, hugging the cushion
tightly.

"Everything's set!" Frohike announced. Langly and Byers appeared beside
him. The three of them were beaming proudly. 

I stood, glancing across at Jacqueline, who'd been watching me from the 
kitchen table. I straightened up a little self-consciously, and 
Jacqueline went and knelt beside her brother, talking softly to him. 
I turned to Langly. "How do they work?"

Mulder appeared from my bedroom with an armful of tools. "We just flick
a switch at the back," he explained. "When they register movement the
alarm goes off."

"Loudly," I observed dryly. I tend to get a little sarcastic and tense
when I'm tired.

Mulder grinned, shrugging. "We'll hear it, right?"

I sighed tiredly, pulling back and watching as Langly, Frohike and Byers 
left. Mulder closed the door after them, pulling it closed and locking 
it as a matter of fact. Turning to face me, he smiled brightly.
"Dinner time?"

I yawned again, glancing at my kitchen clock. "Mulder, it's past two 
a.m.," I said disbelievingly. I narrowed my eyes at him. 

Mulder pulled a face. "No wonder I'm so hungry." He strode across to
where my fridge sat in the corner of the kitchen, yanking it open and
considering the contents.

"Mulder, you're letting all the cool air out," I scolded tiredly. Sleep.
Bed. Mmmmmm...

Mulder shrugged apologetically, reaching in and pulling out a paper
package. He held it up, questioning.

"It's ham," I answered with a sigh. Mulder sniffed it hesitantly and I
let out an indignant yelp. "Mulder, I don't have six months old food in 
my refridgerator!" I said, offended. I added pointedly, "Unlike some 
people..."

Mulder, knowing that any protest he made would be a lie, merely 
shrugged. "Suit yourself," he muttered. He searched through the fridge
and freezer, pulling out assorted articles, and then settled himself
at my kitchen table. 

I rolled my eyes, watching him as he layed out several slices of bread 
and smeared them generously with butter before turning away. "I'm 
getting ready for bed."

When I reappeared about five minutes later, dressed in my pajamas and
robe, he was adding the final touches to two sandwiches with the lot.
I paused to to say goodnight to Jacqueline who had settled down with a
blanket on my couch before taking a seat at the kitchen table, opposite 
Mulder. "I'm guessing that you're going to clean up this mess?" I 
demanded warningly.

Mulder shrugged, pressing his palm down on the two sandwiches to compact
them. "Eventually."

I shook her head. "Mulder, not eventually. Not when the sprouts begin to 
sprout. Tonight."

"You're such a neat freak," Mulder sighed plaintively. 

I stared at him uncompromisingly. "It's *my* apartment, Mulder. 
Tonight," I said firmly. I yawned and stood. "I'm going to bed."

"Wait, Scully..." Mulder held up the plate holding the two sandwiches.
He shrugged apologetically. "I made one of them for you."

"For me?" I wasn't sure that I was hearing right. I stared at him as if 
he'd just grown another head. "You made one of them for me?"

He nodded, shrugging again. "We didn't get any dinner and so I
thought..." he broke off as I dropped down opposite him again, and
he pushed the plate toward me, taking half a sandwich. "Eat up, Scully,
you're far too thin," he encouraged, smiling.

I rolled my eyes at the comment as I picked up half a sandwich, opening 
it up and rifling through the contents suspiciously. I caught Mulder's 
gaze and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Mulder chuckled. "You just don't trust a man's cooking, do you?"

"You call this cooking?" I raised an eyebrow playfully. I bit into the 
sandwich and tomato juice spilled down my chin. I was about to wipe it 
away with the back of my hand when Mulder produced a paper napkin he'd 
grabbed from the kitchen counter, wiping away the juice with a strange 
smile. I smiled at him self-consciously. "Thanks," I whispered, ducking 
my head as I felt myself colouring. He makes me do that a lot these 
days, I thought.

He grinned at me. "Just for you, partner."

I smiled again, rolling my eyes at my own reaction, and continuing
to eat. 

"So, what's our story to Skinner?" I asked between bites. "We're going
to have to file a report tomorrow... we're also going to have to explain
our expenses for the last few days, particularly the coach back to 
DC..."

Mulder shrugged. "Haven't figured that one out yet," he admitted. "We
could always tell him the truth, of course."

"Do you think we can trust him with the truth?" I asked seriously.

Mulder was about to answer, then bit his lip hesitantly. "I can't 
honestly be sure," he admitted. "I thought we knew him and could trust
him, and that we was our ally... but lately I'm not so sure."

"Someone's got a gun to his head," I murmured contemplatingly. I took
another bite and chewed slowly. "You can just tell. He wants to help us, 
but he can't." I shook myself, taking one last bite out of the second 
half of my sandwich before putting it down. "Sorry, Mulder, but I 
couldn't eat another bite," I announced regretfully.

"You didn't like it?" Mulder looked genuinely crestfallen and I stood at 
his side, ruffling his hair affectionately. 

"It was delicious, Mulder," I assured him, feeling like a mother 
praising a five year old.

Mulder grinned slyly. "Kiss the cook?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response, 
Mulder," I warned. I half-smiled as I reached the door. "Besides, making 
a sandwich does not classify as cooking."

As I finished getting ready for bed I heard him pottering around out in 
the kitchen. Sliding into my bed and finally letting myself relax,
I closed my eyes and listened as Mulder prepared for bed. They were
very pleasant, homey sounds, and I smiled sleepily to myself. I was
starting to drift off when I heard a gentle knock on my door. Half
asleep, I lifted my head and looked up at him through half-closed lids.
He'd changed into the baggy checkered pants I'd seen him wearing as
pajamas before, and he'd left on the grey t-shirt he'd worn during the 
day. His chin was dark with stubble and his eyes were blinking sleepily.
The thought "God, he's sexy" flew through my mind, and I woke up
a little, surprised that I'd even thought such a thing. I shook my head
and let myself fall back into the mattress. Sleep. Must sleep.

"Hey, Scully?" I let one eye open lazily and I looked at him. He was
still standing in my doorway, looking at me. I closed my eye again,
pulling my covers over my head.

"What is it?" I mumbled. 

"Where am I going to sleep?"

Oh. I hadn't thought of that. I pulled the covers off from over my head
slowly and looked at him sleepily. "Uhhhh..." I began uncertainly. 
I honest to God just hadn't thought of that. I guess subconsciously I'd 
just assumed that we'd share the bed, just like we had been the last
few nights. I'd never admit that I'd assumed that, of course. Not that
it wasn't obvious anyway...

I shrugged, dropping down under the covers again and reaching out
an arm to pat the bed beside me. "Just so long as we don't have to
spoon up and sleep like little baby cats," I mumbled. I would *not*
turn this into anything dramatic. We'd slept close together on past
occasions, and despite the recent changes in our relationship, we would
be able to handle this just fine.

"Would I be that obnoxious?" I could hear the grin in his voice.

"Stop grinning and get into bed before I change my mind and make you
sleep on the floor without any pillow or blanket," I threatened
sleepily, my eyes still closed.

I heard Mulder quietly setting the sensor alarm for my bedroom window. 
"Would we be mentioning this in our report to Skinner?" he asked 
innocently.

"Mulder, quit being so obnoxious and -" I yawned, "just get into bed.
We had to share my bed in Kansas, remember?" It wasn't like he could
forget something like that, could he?

"We're not in Kansas anymore," Mulder whispered, dropping down onto the
bed and kneeling beside me, his mouth near my ear. 

I stifled a small, tired chuckle. "Yes we are, Mulder."

He still resisted. "If you're out of blankets I could drive to my place
and get some and then come back here and -"

I pushed the covers off, sitting up and glaring at him blearily.
"Mulder, stop stalling," I said crossly. "I'm calling bluff to all 
your little jokes, your innuendos, you get it? So get into bed. I want 
to get at least *some* sleep tonight." I guess maybe I should have seen
what he was doing. All his little jokes should have set off some warning
in my brain. Mulder was nervous.

He peeled back the covers and slid in, hesitatingly reaching across
under the covers to touch my arm. Too sleepy to want to deal with it, I 
pushed him away. "Keep to your own side or you'll be sleeping on the 
floor, no blankets or not," I muttered. "Understood?"
It wasn't that I didn't want to go to sleep in Mulder's arms. That 
wasn't it at all. The fact was that I did want to get some sleep, and
I knew that if I could feel Mulder's hands on me, it would make sleep
a lot less possible. That, and I was far too tired to deal with whatever
emotions his touch would evoke. 

He shrugged, stretching out his long frame, his fingers interlaced
and resting on top of his head. "Understood," he agreed. "Goodnight,
Scully."

I was surprised that he gave in so easily, but I let out a satisfied 
murmur nonetheless, burrowing down further into the covers. I allowed
myself a small smile as one of Mulder's arms stretched to rest gently on 
my head. "'Night, Mulder," I whispered.

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s