TITLE:  The Genesis Project
AUTHOR:  aRcaDIaNFall$

- MULDER POV -

I wasn't going to argue with her. Actually, after all the drama of the
past few days, it was nice to just lie there, close to her. But I hadn't
anticipated the effect that such an idea would have on my nerves. I'm
not generally a nervous sort of guy, I want to set that straight right
now. But the truth was that I was scared shitless about sharing the bed
with her. Her bed. I think that was the biggest problem for me. Sure,
I'd slept in her bed once or twice, drugged, delirious, hungover, 
whatever. But to sleep in *her* bed while she slept beside me... I 
didn't trust myself not to take advantage of the situation. I hated 
myself for all the thoughts that flowed into my mind as I lay there, 
hated it because Scully was so innocent and beautifully pure as she lay 
asleep, because I wasn't like that. But there was something about her, 
that as she lay asleep, forehead uncreased, lips slightly open, that 
calmed my fears of unworthiness, reassured me. I was flooded with such 
immense gratitude as I lay watching her sleep. That Scully, my Scully, 
was alive today was a miracle, and I was overwhelmingly grateful for it. 
She fell asleep only a few minutes after I slipped in beside her and I
watched her as she slept. How long, I don't know. I can sit there for
hours, watching as she twitches a little in her sleep, listening to her
breathe. God knows I've done that, sneaking into her hospital room after
visiting hours, staying over at her place while she recuperated from
her latest physical trauma and ending up falling asleep kneeling beside
her bed. I loved to be there while she slept just as much as I loved to
be there during the day, listening to her stubborn arguments, watching
as her eyebrow rose higher and higher, silently celebrating when a 
comment I made got a smile out of her.

I slid a little closer to her in the bed, kissing my fingertips lightly
and then brushing them across her cheek. We slept side by side.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 

An alarm woke us, jolted us awake with loud, high-pitched beeps that
seemed to shoot through my body. I began to panic, and was half out of
bed before the truth of the situation sank in and I fell back, heaving
a sigh of relief. It was my alarm clock, not one of the motion sensors.
Thank God, thank God, thank God. I groaned, pulling myself back under
the covers next to Mulder and stretching an arm out to find the snooze
button. Mission accomplished, I closed my eyes, letting sleep wash over
me again, numbing my mind and my body.

It was a lot brighter outside when I woke again. The sun was streaming
through my window, hitting me in the face and almost blinding me. I
pulled myself upright and checked my alarm clock - 9:21. We'd both
slept through the second wake-up call. I half-tumbled off the bed and
ran into the bathroom, starting the shower. My brain was still numb with
sleep and it took me a while to actually remember Mulder, still asleep
in my bed. I ran back to my room and found him spread out under the 
covers, that goofy, sleepy smile on his face. I didn't know what to 
make of that so I just ignored it, and started shaking him awake.

"Mulder, wake up!" It took a few minutes of persistent shaking for the
normally alert and responsive Mulder to wake up.

"Hey, Scully," he murmured sleepily. He gave me a goofy, mischievious
grin. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

I rolled my eyes. Typical smart-assed Mulder comment. "We overslept, 
Mulder. We're late for work."

Mulder looked lazily across at the alarm clock then groaned, standing.
"Damn..." he mumbled.

"You wake the kids up. I'll be in the shower," I said quickly as I dug 
out some underwear. I pushed past him, grabbing my robe up off the 
floor, feeling that my life had lost all order and control.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

I stared after her for a moment, glanced at the clock again, then
sighed. I found Jacqueline and her siblings sitting quietly watching TV
in the living room.
"Not so bad, huh?"

"We're watching a documentary on earthquakes," Astrid informed my
cheerfully. 

I nodded, wondering vaguely what they all thought of me. I opened the 
fridge. I pulled out a carton of orange juice and was about to drink 
from the carton when I caught Jacqueline's disapproving gaze. I  
shrugged. Fine. Scully would disapprove too, and I didn't want to get
on Scully's bad side. I pulled a glass from one of the kitchen cupboards 
and poured right to the rim... and over. Damn. As I grabbed a handful of 
paper napkins to wipe up the mess I felt somebody tugging at the leg of
my pajama pants. It was Joshua.
"What?" I asked irritably.

Joshua shrank back and I cursed myself. Great going, Mulder. Kids are
really gonna respond when you snap at them. Setting down the glass of
juice, I lifted the kid up and sat him on the small section of kitchen 
counter beside the sink. "Sorry, ...sport." I added the nickname 
hesitantly; it reminded me of all dad's apologies after he'd missed yet 
another one of my baseball games. Sorry, sport, but work called. Money
doesn't grow on trees, you know. I shook the thought away, knowing how
useless anger and resentment was now, and tried to smile supportively. 
"What's up?"

"May I please have some orange juice, Fox?" Joshua asked shyly. He 
looked almost... scared of me. What am I, some sort of monster? I didn't
think I was that bad. 

I picked up the glass I'd poured for myself, deliberated for a moment, 
then tipped a portion of it down the sink before passing it to Joshua 
with a smile as reassuring and gentle as I could get it. I heard the 
shower stop and patted the kid on the head as he held the glass with two 
hands, sipping cautiously. "Catch you later."

I went into Scully's bedroom to find the clothes I'd folded lazily last 
night, colliding with Scully in the doorway as I exited.
"Be careful, Mulder," she said shortly, pulling her robe closer around
her. She pulled open the closet door and began to search through all the
hanging clothes, muttering as she did so.

I wondered what I'd done to get such a snippy tone. Maybe she was just
in a hurry, impatient to get to work. 
I think it took her a few moments to realise that I was still standing
there, watching her. She turned. "What?" she snapped. "Mulder, we're 
late, hurry up!"

"I need to stop by my apartment and get myself a clean suit," I said,
half-shrugging apologetically. "You drop me off and I'll drive my own 
car to work - less suspicious."

I watched as Scully fished a cream-coloured suit out of the closet. She 
held it up against her in the mirror, then shrugged. I could tell she
was wondering if it still fitted, and I was kinda curious about that 
too. I hadn't seen her wearing that for a year, maybe longer. Lately
she'd been into darker colors, more strict and uncompromising. Black,
black and black. Not that she didn't look gorgeous in black - no less
than she did in any other color, except maybe red. I've always had a
thing for Scully in red... 

I didn't realise that I was still staring at her, but she did. She 
turned and stared at me. "Mulder, get in the shower, now!"

And with that, she pushed me out of the room.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

I rolled my eyes at my disheveled reflection in the mirror. Normally my
physical appearance could pass muster even after the most sleepless of
nights, but after last night, and the nights before of short sleep 
shifts, I looked terrible. I looked terrible and I felt pretty terrible
too. My sleep-in this morning hadn't made me feel any less tired. I felt
sluggish and unfit. What I would have done to be able to go for a long
run, wake myself up and get some fresh air. I sighed. That wasn't an
option, so I had to fall back on makeup. 
I pounded on the bathroom door. "Mulder, are you done in there yet?" I 
demanded. The shower had stopped a few minutes ago and I knew that 
Mulder was a pretty quick dresser. He opened the door, moving aside to 
let me slide past. 

"All yours," he announced. 

I was grateful for his quick response, but I growled when I saw the mess 
he'd left the bathroom in. "Mulder, housekeeping's not going to turn up 
and clean up after you," I warned him, picking up his discarded t-shirt 
and throwing it at him. "And neither am I."

Mulder looked indignant. "Hey, I'm not the one leaving my underwear
lying around!" he retorted. He dangled a white bra and I recognised it
as the one I'd worn yesterday.

I tried to snatch it from his hands but he pulled it away teasingly. 
"Mulder, give it up, it's not your size," I said dryly, holding out a 
hand for it. No way was I going to rise to the bait.

"Not until you apologise for being slovenly," Mulder said decisively,
giving me a teasing smile.

"Mulder, it's my apartment!" I protested, indignant even though I knew
he was just teasing. "It was almost three a.m. and I was tired and - 
it's *my* apartment."

"Not until you apologise for being slovenly," Mulder repeated, grinning.

I rolled my eyes, giving him an unwavering smile. "I'm not going to 
apologise, Mulder." He could keep it for all I cared. I shook my head, 
then pushed past him, searching for my concealer among my neat
arrangements of bottles and tubes sitting beside the basin. He continued 
to watch me challengingly as I began to apply my makeup and I finally 
turned to face him, hands on my hips. "Mulder, have you told the kids 
what's happening yet?"

Mulder shook his head reluctantly. I gave him a shove. "Go tell them. 
We're leaving in two minutes."

"I'm not ready to go yet," Mulder protested.

I rolled my eyes exasperatedly. "Just go *somewhere*, Mulder!"

"There's no magic left in this relationship," Mulder announced 
melodramatically as he finally left me in peace.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE POV - 

I watched Dana and Fox as they rushed around the apartment, collecting
together case files and getting ready to leave. Dana ran through all her
instructions to me, to keep all the sensors active all day, that her 
spare weapon was hidden in the bottom drawer of the bureau near the 
door, there were spare towels in the linen closet if we wanted a bath or 
shower, that the dirty clothes went in the hamper beside the toilet, 
there was food in the fridge when they got hungry, the emergency numbers 
were beside the phone, Fox's cel phone number was on the speed-dial...

"We'll be fine, Dana, honestly," I reassured her with an ironic smile. 
"I've been looking after these kids since I was eleven, remember?"

Dana smiled apologetically as she stopped at the front door.
"Have fun, and don't -"

"Forget to turn the sensor back on, I know, I know," I grinned.
"Stop fussing, Dana."

"I just want you to be safe, that's all," she gave me a small, apologetic 
shrug, then smiled. "See you tonight."

I grinned as Dana finally shut the door after herself. I turned to 
Astrid and Josh, smiling brightly. "I think it's bath time!" I 
announced. It had been a couple of days since they'd had a proper wash.

Astrid clapped happily. "Bubbles too?" she asked hopefully, hugging
around my neck.

"If Dana's got some," I agreed. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we 
borrowed a little bit of bubble bath."

"She'll have some," Josh said quietly. He looked up with a shy smile and 
I ruffled his hair.

"Let's go check," I said agreeably, smiling. "You haven't been wrong 
yet."


The three of us were settled on the couch reading Anne of Green Gables
when Dana and Fox returned that night, laden with takeout. They seemed
a lot less stressed than they had in the morning, especially Dana, who
I assured quickly that our day had passed smoothly, and then scolded
for breaking a lunch date with her mother.

"Oh God, I forgot," Dana groaned. "That was supposed to be this 
morning." Then she looked puzzled. "How did you know about that? You
didn't answer any phone calls, did -"

Paranoid, paranoid, paranoid. "Relax, Dana," I laughed. "She just called 
and left a message on your machine. She wants you to ring her when you 
can..."

Dana nodded. "Yeah, I know the drill..." She smiled sheepishly. "I've
missed a lot of lunch dates with my Mom in the past, it's nothing new."

I raised an eyebrow, nodding. That was hardly surprising. From what I'd
gleaned from the two of them about their committment to their work, and
what I'd seen of their social lives, or lack thereof, I'd kinda gathered
that they had a habit of putting their work top priority. I felt kinda
sorry for Dana's mom, though. She'd sounded nice. Disappointed, but 
nice.

I watched as Astrid and Josh tried to help Mulder unpack the takeout. 
They were smelling and touching and tasting everything they could get
their hands on, and Fox eventually shooed them away. I watched him move
around Dana's kitchen, pulling plates from cupboards and cutlery from
drawers. He knew where everything was and moved around as though he was
at home. I wondered how much time he spent over here. 
Dinner was... fun, strangely enough. Maybe because it was Friday night
and we were settled safely in Dana's apartment, but we all seemed so 
much more relaxed. Dana and Fox were settled at opposite ends of the 
table, which I thought was unusual after all the meals they'd spent
lately sitting closely side by side. Maybe they just wanted some space
to themselves. They seemed happy enough as they related some of their
more amusing cases, and I couldn't tell whether they were exaggerating
or not. I have a feeling they weren't. I told them about the practical
joker who had reigned at the compound for almost a year before finally
being sent away on the explanation that all employees of the Genesis
Project must be dedicated to and serious about their work. I ommitted
mention of the fact that that particular employee had died in a car
accident two days after being dismissed. That sort of abrupt, blunt 
violence didn't exactly fit into the light-hearted conversation.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV - 

After dinner Mulder took the car and drove to his apartment to pack 
more clothing for himself for the next two days. We hadn't yet discussed 
our plans for the future, but I could see he was determined not to let 
me take the load all by myself. I could see, and I was grateful, not 
only because he was sticking by me in this, but because he did it 
without me even needing to ask him. When he returned, the four of us 
were settled down on the couch, Joshua sitting on Jacqueline's lap on 
one side of me, and Astrid craning to see on the other as I flipped
through my photo album.
"See, this one here is me when I was about Joshua's age," I said softly. 
I flipped a few pages. "And I was about four in this shot... that's 
my sister Melissa beside me."

"What are you doing in this picture, Dana?" Astrid asked impatiently,
pointing to a photo of a very young me holding a small yellow chick
carefully in my hands, beaming up at the camera.

I smiled to myself. "We were at a petting zoo. I can remember that Missy 
kept complaining about the smell... but I didn't care about the smell, I 
loved the animals."

"What's a petting zoo?" Joshua asked, puzzled.

I sighed, reaching out to ruffle his hair. "You've never been to a zoo, 
Josh?"

Joshua shook his head, his expression lost, as though he was aware he 
was missing out on something but unsure on whether or not he should be
unhappy about it.

"I know what a zoo is," Astrid announced, tugging at my sleeve. "It's 
where they keep lots of animals so they don't just run around all the 
place."

I smiled sadly. I pitied these kids as much as I admired them. They'd
been deprived of a real childhood and I hated the people who had done
that to them. "Yeah, that's kinda what a zoo is."

"But a lot of the animals in the zoos wouldn't be running all around the
place in the city anyway," Astrid went on informatively, "because some 
of them are almost extinct and so there aren't many left and that's why
they're in zoos, so that they don't become extinct."

"Astrid," I asked suddenly. "What's twelve times eight?"

Astrid yawned. "It's ninety-six," she said, clearly impatient with the
sudden change of subject. "Dana, did you have fun when you went to the
zoo?"

"Yeah, I did," I said softly. I let the photo album slide completely
onto Jacqueline's lap, where she and Joshua continued to study it.
"Astrid," I said earnestly, "Do you understand that you're special?"

"I'm special coz now that Duckie and Josh and I get to live with you, 
right, Dana?" Astrid beamed at me.

I shook my head slightly, refusing to deal with the emotions that 
statement evoked there and then. "No, sweetie, I mean... do you realise
that you're a better thinker than other children your age?"

Astrid shrugged. "Other kids my age are dumb," she said offhandedly.

I sighed. "Astrid, those other kids aren't dumb, they're just different 
to you. You're special because people made you to be extra smart. You 
understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

Astrid shrugged again. "I've got a really high IQ, even higher than
Duckie's." She grinned proudly.

"Higher than Jacqui's?" I was surprised by that. Astrid, apart from 
occasional bouts of shrewd judgement and abilities beyond her age, 
otherwise appeared relatively normal, if slightly more intelligent than 
the average four year old. 

Astrid nodded. "Yu-huh. Cept she knows more coz she's older than me."

"Yeah, she is," I agreed softly with a wistful smile. I glanced across 
at Mulder as he stood against the wall, arms crossed, and found that he 
was watching me. Murmuring an excuse, I pulled myself up off the couch 
and joined him. "Hey," I said softly in greeting.

Mulder smiled at me. "Hey," he responded, reaching down to take my
hand. "You looked like you were enjoying yourself there," he observed.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I was," I admitted. I didn't want to retract my
hand but I did. "What are we going to do now?"

Mulder shrugged slowly, watching the kids. "I honestly don't know," he
admitted sombrely. He stifled a yawn and I looked at him, a little 
amused.

"Bedtime already, Mulder?" I teased gently.

Mulder shrugged, yawning again. "All that paper-pushing has me 
exhausted," he said dryly.

"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come," I smiled at him, patting him on 
the arm affectionately. 

Mulder chuckled quietly. "I'm getting an early night, 'kay?"

I was surprised, but I nodded. "Sure. I'll come to bed in a while." 
I almost shivered as I realised how naturally the words had slid off my 
tongue. Was it wrong for us to be living like this?

If Mulder found my choice of words notable he didn't comment. As he 
trudged off into my bedroom I returned to the couch where the kids
were still going through my photo album.
I dropped down next to Jacqueline again, pulling Astrid into my lap.
She wrapped her arms around me affectionately.
"Dana, how come there's no pictures of you and Fox in there?" she asked
curiously.

I smiled slightly. "I've only known Fox for a few years, Astrid. The 
photo album was all filled up before I met him."

"Do you have any photos of you and Fox anywhere?" Astrid prodded.

I was a little puzzled. "Why do you want to know, Astrid?"

She shrugged. "Dunno, just wanted to." She shrugged again. "Dana, what 
did you and Fox do today?"

"We went to work," I said, my tone as cheerful as I could make it. "We 
had to write reports about what we'd been doing all week."

"Did you tell them about us, Dana?" Astrid asked curiously. "Coz Jacqui
said that you weren't gonna tell them about us. She said that you -"

Jacqueline interrupted her sister. "Dana didn't tell them anything about
us, did you Dana?" The look she shot me was scared.

I shook my head quickly, reassuring her. "No, I didn't. Mu- Fox and I 
just wrote that after investigating several leads we came to a dead end 
and decided that the case could be just as easily handled from here."

"So what now?" Jacqueline asked tightly.

"We'll be doing some digging," I admitted slowly, not sure why I was
so reluctant. "Finding out who knew that the information was leaked, who 
had motive and opportunity to kill your parents." 

"Can't you just forget about it?" Jacqueline asked unhappily, a catch
in her voice. She looked at me pleadingly. "It doesn't matter any more,
Dana. Really, it doesn't."

"But it matters to somebody," I argued softly. "And if we can't find out 
who killed your parents and catch the people after you, you'll never be 
safe."

"And you're saying that if we do catch -" she stopped, drawing a shaky,
nervous breath, "if we do catch them, that we will be safe?"
She shook her head slowly. "Dana, to expose the project, you'll expose
us. Do you know what that'll mean?"

"It won't have to come to that," I objected. I glanced down at Astrid, 
who was staring up at me wide-eyed, and shifted her off my lap, 
standing. "It's time to start getting ready for bed," I said briskly. 

"Has Fox gone to bed already?" Astrid asked innocently.

I gave her a gentle shove toward the bathroom. "Yes, sweetie, Fox was 
tired so he went to bed early."

"Is Fox sleeping in your bed, Dana?" Astrid looked curious.

"Yes, he is," I said softly. I gave Astrid a small shove toward the 
bathroom. "Hurry up, kiddo," I scolded half-heartedly. I turned and 
entered my bedroom, finding Mulder sprawled out on the bed on his back, 
fast asleep. I knelt down beside the bed, stroking his temple gently 
with the backs of my fingers. He stirred under my touch, letting out a 
small, contented murmur, his eyelids fluttering as he returned to 
consciousness. 

He gave me a small smile. "Hey again," he whispered.

"You really are tired, aren't you?" I asked, smiling gently.

"Exhausted," Mulder murmured, his eyes drifting closed again. I 
remembered how litle sleep he'd gotten over the past few days. It
seemed as though all the lost hours had finally caught up on him.

I placed my hand on his forehead, checking his temperature, and frowned. 
"You're hot, Mulder," I said, concerned.

He let out a weak chuckle. "I knew you'd see it eventually," he muttered
dryly. Typical.

I frowned at him, examining his neck. "Your glands are slightly 
swollen," I reported. "What else is there?"

Mulder pushed me away half-heartedly. "I'll be fine, Scully."

I looked at him skeptically. "Mulder, I've got enough to do without
having to doctor you all weekend -"

"Exactly," Mulder murmured, closing his eyes again. "So just let me get
some sleep and I'll be fine."

"You didn't let me finish," I said, trying to speak patiently. "I was 
about to say that if you don't start looking after yourself more often - 
like now, for example - I'm going to end up spending more time looking 
after you than I am Josh and Astrid."

"I need it more than they do," Mulder pouted slyly.

I chuckled. "You need discipline more than they do, I'll admit," I 
teased, running my fingers tenderly through his hair. I love mothering
him. Normally I can restrain myself but just then I couldn't help it.

Mulder lifted his heavy eyelids to look up at me. "You're pretty when 
you smile," he murmured sleepily, reaching up to drowsily stroke my
cheek. I clasped my hand over his for a moment before pulling away. I
knew I was smiling broadly at the sleepy remark, but it was 
heartwarming. A compliment like that from Mulder means a lot to me.

"You sleep tight, Mulder," I whispered, smiling affectionately at him. 
"I'll see you in the morning."

Mulder caught my wrist as I moved away. "You're not coming to bed?"
he sounded sleepy but disappointed.

I shook my head slowly. "You might be contagious, Mulder. I'm not 
risking it." I gave him a small, reassuring smile. "Sorry partner."
I was disappointed myself, too. I wouldn't admit it but I'd spent all
day craving the feel of his arms around me. I felt now that we belonged
together like that and I missed him when he wasn't so close to me.

Mulder's eyes began drifting closed again. "'Kay," he murmured. His
grip on my wrist remained firm and I hid a smile, sitting down beside 
him on the bed and stroking his hair again. 

"You're such a baby, Mulder," I teased. I was loving it. More than
anything else I would have loved to have crawled into bed beside him,
slipping my arms around him, burrowing in against him, sharing his body
heat.

He murmured a response, shifting closer to me in the bed. I sighed when
I felt his grip on my wrist slacken as he fell asleep. I retracted my
hand as gently as I could and reached out to brush the hair away from 
his forehead. 
I checked that the kids were in bed and said goodnight, then prepared
for bed myself. I stood, surveying the empty shelves in my linen closet 
where my spare blankets and pillows were kept, then, back in my bedroom, 
stared longingly at the empty side of the bed. With a sigh, I moved 
closer, grabbing a pillow. I threw it down at the end of the bed,
untucked the sheets at that end, and slid in, turning my face away
from Mulder's large feet. It felt strange to be sleeping the wrong way
in my own bed - it had been years since, as a child, I'd been convinced 
that it was easier to get to sleep when lying with feet where the pillow 
should be, and I felt very disoriented. I shook myself, closing my eyes, 
and concentrating on listening to Mulder's rhythmic breathing, my own 
picking up the same rhythm as I began to fall asleep.


Grey consciousness returned to me slowly, feeling slowly restored to 
my limbs. I became aware that my toes were cold. Then I shrieked as I 
felt someone very deliberately tickle my toes, my eyes snapping open and 
foot quickly drawn back, close to my body. 

I glared at Mulder. He was sitting cross legged on the pillows, a huge 
grin plastered across his face. On his left side sat Astrid, beaming at 
me.

"Mulder!" I gasped threateningly. "Don't do that!"

Mulder grinned at me devilishly. "I think you're ticklish, Scully."

Astrid giggled. "You're ticklish," she echoed.

I shook my head. "No way," I said firmly. I began to turn away from him
to climb off the bed but then I felt a hand fasten around my ankle, and 
then Mulder yanked me closer to him so that I was almost in his lap. 
I shrieked then, I have to admit it. Not a terrified shriek, just the
sort of surprised, half-howling protest that I haven't given very many 
times since I was a kid. Then he began to tickle me. I guess I'm 
strange, because I love being tickled. Not that I would, under any
circumstances, admit that to Mulder. So as he tickled me mercilessly I
tried in vain to wriggle out of his grip. It was an impossible task; I
was laughing too hard. All I could do was try to push him away from me.
But as I tried to push him away he grabbed my arm and somehow we both
tumbled to the floor, entangled. I moved quickly to press my arm against
his throat.

"You move, and you're a dead man," I warned. I was trying to sound
serious and calm, but I couldn't stop a small giggle.

Mulder grinned up at me and I experienced only a brief second of
victory before suddenly I felt herself land flat on my back, Mulder
bent over me. I gasped as I felt the shock of the impact ricochet 
through my body. "Oww, Mulder..." I groaned. "That hur-" I broke off, 
swallowing, when I realised how close Mulder's face was to my own. 

His mischievious, victorious grin softened as we stared at each other.
We were both breathing hard. I swallowed, then shook my head slightly,
pushing him away. We couldn't do such stupid things. Now wasn't the
time to lose control and wrestle like kids. Besides, Astrid was still
sitting on the bed, watching us. "Off me," I muttered.

"Sorry," he said quietly as he stood, pulling me upright.

I just shook my head, turning away. Forget it, Dana. Lock it away in 
the little box in the back of your mind and don't think about it any
more. 

He caught my arm. "Scully..."

I turned back, breathing deeply and clearing my throat before answering, 
"Yeah?"

He stared at me for a long time, his mouth working as if he was trying
to say something. Then he shook his head, releasing my arm. 
"Forget it."

I nodded, giving him a tight smile. I pulled on my robe, standing still 
for a moment, my eyes on his face, my arms crossed protectively as I 
considered something. Then I took a few steps forward, placing my hand 
on his forehead. "You're feeling better?" Iasked, trying to snap into 
doctor mode, to forget the tension between us and treat him objectively.
Well, not objectively, exactly. Just... as Mulder.

He shrugged. "I guess a good night's sleep was all I needed."

"Good," I said, maybe a little brusquely. I retracted my hand and 
turned. "I'll see what I've got for breakfast." 

"Dana, was Fox feeling sick?" Astrid asked curiously as she skipped out
of the room behind me. 

"A little," I answered quietly as I searched through my cupboards, most 
of which were growing increasingly bare. I produced an unopened packet 
of cornflakes and some long-life powdered milk - I'd thrown out or used 
up most of my perishables before leaving for the case, learning from 
experience that I wouldn't necessarily be back home within the few days 
I planned.

"Is he okay now?" Astrid sounded concerned. "Cos it's not good when 
people are sick. It makes them unhappy."

"Does it?" I asked, only half paying attention as I quickly and
methodically made a mental list of what I needed to buy when I next
went grocery shopping. 

"Cate used to get sick sometimes," Astrid rattled on. "And she and 
Rodger were always unhappy when she got sick, and they used to get mad
at us a lot."

"Uh huh..." I murmured. I wasn't exactly ignoring her, I was just 
focusing on the mundane issue of my groceries, and focusing hard so that
my mind wouldn't wander to ... ooh, say, Mulder?

"Duckie said Cate got sick cos she wanted to have a baby, but she 
couldn't," Astrid continued. "I didn't really know why Cate wanted a 
baby anyway, cos she had us, 'cept she didn't like us... Dana, why 
didn't Cate like us?"

I realised then that I'd missed something vital and cursed myself for
it. Yet again, I wasn't concentrating on the case and I should have 
been. I turned slowly to face Astrid. "I don't know why she didn't, 
sweetie," I said gently. I frowned as I tried to remember Astrid's 
words. "Cate wanted a baby of her own, did she?"

Astid nodded. "Duckie said that a long time ago Cate had a baby who 
died." She shrugged. "Duckie knew more about Rodca than I did, cos she's
older than me." 

I nodded understandingly, not that I did understand. I pulled out a 
chair at the kitchen table for Astrid, then looked across to where 
Jacqueline was dressing Joshua in front of the TV, his eyes glued to the 
screen. "Jacqueline, breakfast," I called.

Mulder appeared as the kids settled down at the table, Jacqueline 
assisting them in pouring milk over their cereal. Mulder stood in the 
doorway for a few moments, arms crossed. I could feel him watching me
and I turned and stared at him, frowning awkwardly. I felt irrationally
frustrated at him, frustrated because he was messing with my emotions
and I was letting him, and because it was interfering with us doing our
job.

"Fox, sit here!" Astrid called, patting the empty seat beside her,
clearly oblivious to the tension between the two of us. The naivete of
kids is something I've always found refreshing. Sometimes I wished I
could be a kid again, trusting and naive and innocent. 

Mulder smiled at Astrid. "In a minute," he promised. He brushed past me
as he moved toward the toaster, adjusting the setting and dropping two
slices of bread in. He and I almost collided and I growled at him. "Be 
careful, Mulder," I said curtly. I was going to push away all warm, 
fuzzy thoughts of gentle touches and hugs and his arms around me as we
slept, and I was going to focus on the kids and doing the job. That
was how I was going to get through this episode of my life.

Mulder was silent as he drew away from me. I watched guiltily as he sat 
down beside Astrid and listened to her cheerful chatting and discussion 
with Jacqueline. He was quiet, and I was torn between my resolution and
the overwhelming desire to draw him into a great big hug and apologise
my heart out. I transferred my gaze to Joshua who, as quiet as ever, was 
concentrating intently as he spooned the soggy cornflakes into his 
mouth, seemingly unaware of everything else. Feeling agitated, I flew 
around the kitchen, avoiding Mulder's gaze, feeling desperately unhappy 
and frustrated about the tension between us. Finally, I snapped. 
"Mulder, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked. My stomach was 
churning madly.

He looked surprised, nodding slowly and standing. "Sure," he agreed.

I nodded quickly and lead the way into my bedroom, where I began to 
pace. Mulder follwed me in, and I heard the quiet 'click' as he closed 
the door.

"Listen, Mulder," I began, not meeting his gaze but my eyes instead 
on the floor as I tried to think straight. It was hard. "I don't think 
this is going to work out - you and I sharing a bed and everything... 
it's just not right. Not the ...the feelings we have for each other so 
much as the fact that we're working partners and this is going to 
seriously hinder our ability to function together when it comes to 
work." I think my words were almost unintelligible, just incoherent 
rambling that halted as I drew a deep breath. I gripped the edges of 
bureau as I continued, just as rapidly, not wanting to slow down or
be calm because I just *couldn't*. "I don't want you to think that this 
has anything to do with our personal relationship, or the changes that 
have taken place during the past few days, it's simply a case of us 
being unable to function together because we're both under stress and 
uncomfortable with each other and... You haven't done anything wrong or 
anything, I just thought I should let you know that I don't intend to 
act on any feelings I have and while they might affect our work I 
believe that-"

Mulder cut me off. "Scully, if you feel that we're seriously 
compromising our partnership than I'm willing -"

He didn't get the chance to finish the sentence. I turned suddenly, with 
such absolute certainty of what I was about to do, and I kissed him. I'd
never kissed anybody like that before, not with such unrestrained 
passion. After several long, utterly blissful seconds, I pulled away,
releasing him from my numb grip and staring at him. I felt dazed by what
I'd just done. Mulder looked just as stunned as me.

"Mulder, I..." I stopped and cleared my throat, embarrassed, feeling
lightheaded. "I just ... I didn't mean to do that." I pushed past him, 
opening the bedroom door. "I'll be in the shower," I said shortly,
leaning against the wall for balance.


I stood under the hot shower, water cascading down my body, my wet hair 
hanging limply down over my closed eyes. I was remembering another hot 
shower, when Mulder and I had stood only feet apart, both stark naked, 
separated by a single, shoulder-high wall. I was remembering the way 
Mulder had looked at me, the way I'd stood firm under his gaze while my 
stomach had churned madly and I'd wondered what he was thinking.
I shook myself, shut off the water and stood, dripping, for a few 
moments before finding my towel and drying myself off. I pulled my robe 
on and stood in front of the mirror, wiping away the fog from the steam 
and staring at her reflection. It was me, just like always. It seemed
so hard to comprehend that I could look exactly the same as I always
did after I'd just done such a heavy thing. I'd managed to hold off for 
six long years before I'd cracked. I should have looked different, but
I didn't.
There was a knock at the door and I turned, bending down to pick up
discarded, dirty clothes and throwing them in the hamper. "What?" I 
called uneasily. I didn't know if I wanted to see Mulder yet. I was 
still trying to figure out how I felt about what I'd done.


"Scully, I really need to pee," Mulder called through the door. 

I rolled my eyes with a faint smile, returning to the mirror. "It's
not locked."

The door opened hesitantly and Mulder entered. I smiled briefly at him 
before turning to leave, but as I brushed past him he caught my
shoulders, pulling me close to him and kissing me on the forehead,
his long fingers brushing droplets of water from my neck.

I caught his hand, gripping it tightly, and looked up at him intently 
for a moment. There was no doubt in my mind - I loved us together. I 
loved us being gentle and kind to each other, loving each other in an
otherwise heartless world. Whether I did the right thing or the wrong
thing by kissing him, I wasn't sure. But, in many ways, I was glad I'd
done it. "I'm going to talk to Jacqueline," I said quietly. Then I 
turned and left.


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

I dressed slowly in the privacy of my bedroom, tidying up Mulder's
clothes which were scattered over the floor, making the bed, the whole
time my mind working furiously, recollection of that insane, irrational
kiss haunting me, making my whole body tremble with excitement and 
dread.

"Hey, Dana?" Jacqueline knocked on the door, opening it a crack.

I took a deep breath before opening the door completely. "Yeah?" 
I mustered up a bright smile somehow. 

"Did you want me to wash up after breakfast...?" she queried. "Cos we're
all finished, unless you and Fox want some..." She shrugged 
apologetically as she added, "His toast is stone cold."

I wonder if she'd heard any of before. She must have gathered that
something was going on... Then again, Mulder and I had been acting so
irrationally the whole time that maybe it wasn't so obvious. I didn't
know. I rubbed my forehead as I tried to focus on the issue at hand.
"Uh, actually... I was hoping I could talk to you."

She stiffened. "About what?" she asked uneasily.

"Your parents," I admitted. I was curious as to what her reaction would
be. "I was talking to Astrid before... she told me some things about 
your mo- about Cate."

"I see," Jacqueline said guardedly, crossing her arms. I knew what that
gesture was, I did it all the time myself. 

"Could we...?" I indicated the kitchen through the open door and
Jacqueline nodded. Silently, we went out, sitting down at opposite
sides of the kitchen table. I glanced across at where Joshua and
Astrid were watching The Learning Channel and smiled to myself before
turning back to Jacqueline. 

"What exactly did she tell you about Cate?" Jacqueline asked slowly.

"She told me that Cate had been sick because she wanted a baby. And that
once she had had a baby... a baby who had died. She said that you told
her all this."

"Yeah, I guess I did," Jacqueline admitted, drumming her nails nervously
on the tabletop.

I looked at her expectantly. "...And?"

Jacqueline stared across at her siblings, rocking back and forth on her
chair unconsciously. "Cate ... she wanted kids of her own," she admitted 
at last.

"And she had one, who died," I prodded, frowning unhappily. I remembered 
what Mulder had read to me from the Moss' medical reports. A stillborn 
son eighteen years ago.

"Yeah," Jacqueline acknowledged. "She had some problem during labor and 
the baby died... there was some damage done to her uterus and afterwards
she couldn't carry a baby past the first trimester... she had four
miscarriages in two years. Ever since then she's been... I mean, she'd
been suffering from bouts of depression."

I drew a deep breath, feeling slightly sick. As a doctor, I could handle
this sort of talk. But as somebody who knew that they could never have
kids of their own, it was tough. "The baby who died, and the 
miscarriages... they were before you were born. How did you know about 
them?"

Jacqueline looked down at the tabletop. "I used to snoop," she admitted.
"I found a photo taken years ago of Cate in a maternity dress... that
was enough to catch my interest. I found her personel file in the 
records room at the compound and looked it up. I... I found her diary
once. It was in a locked box in the closet in their bedroom. I knew I
shouldn't have but I read it anyway." She let out a shaky, unhappy sigh.
"She was so heartbroken after her baby was stillborn... She was 
desperate for kids."

"Was that why she wanted to run the Genesis Project?" I asked gently. 
"Because she couldn't have a child herself?" I was feeling a lot more
sympathetic to Cate Moss now. She was no longer the wicked, heartless 
scientist took away from kids their childhood. She was a woman who 
wanted children desperately enough to do something as incredible as
this. But, yet, that didn't fit with everything else... 

Jacqueline shook her head slowly, brushing away an errant tear. "I don't
know," she admitted. "It seems like that... but we were never really
her children. She couldn't relate to us - wouldn't let herself. We were
a job, a responsibility, a nuisance... never children who could be 
loved."

"What changed her?"

"I don't know." Jacqueline shrugged, shaking her head. "I just don't 
know. Maybe she saw so many failures with their experiments that it
hardened her, made her stop feeling. She -" She stopped suddenly, 
staring ahead into the distance. "I remember, once, when I was very,
very little... I was sitting in her lap and we were on a rocking chair,
and as we rocked back and forth she was singing softly to me..."

My eyes were burning with tears and I blinked them back. I wondered if
anybody knew how desperately I wanted to hold a baby in my arms on a
rocking chair, a baby smelling of baby powder and baby shampoo, rocking 
back and forth, singing softly to them... Not a niece or a cousin, but
a baby of my very own. And the knowledge that I couldn't hurt me more
than I could express to anybody. Yes, I could understand what had driven
Cate Moss to do this.

"You've looked after Astrid and Joshua all their lives," I said slowly. 
"Was she the one who looked after you?"

Jacqueline frowned as she tried to remember. "We used to live all 
together, David and Susie and Cate and Roger and I. Someone used to play
games with us. We'd play hide and seek and she'd always pretend she 
couldn't find us. And we'd all sing songs to learn numbers and letters
and... she was always smiling when we played together." She looked up at
me in amazement. 

"It was Cate?"

Jacqueline nodded as she explored long-lost memories. "She always used 
to be happy. And she and Roger were so affectionate to each other...
every night when they came home from working at the compound the nanny
would tell us and we'd run toward them on our little legs and hug them." 
Her face contorted with emotion, she looked as if she was on the verge
of tears. "We were happy... a happy family. It sounds so cliche, but
there's no other way to describe it..."

"Then Susie died," I said quietly. I sighed, resigned. That was what had
happened. That was when things started to fall apart.

Jacqueline drew a deep breath and I could see that she was fighting for
detatchment, trying to become less emotionally involved. "Yeah. She got 
sick and when she died Cate was hit hard. She would spend hours just by 
herself, or holding one of us on her lap in the rocking chair, in 
absolute silence... That was terrible, so, so terrible..." A tear 
trickled down her cheek and she brushed it away with a self-deprecating 
chuckle. "I'm sorry, Dana," she whispered shakily. "I didn't remember 
any of this stuff and it's..." She shook her head and buried it in her 
hands as she broke down and began to sob with genuine grief and regret.

All I could do was to touch her shoulder sympathetically. "You don't 
have to go on, if you don't want," I said gently. "I know it can hurt to 
remember sometimes..." Yeah, I knew that. I knew what it was like to
remember things in nightmares and wake up crying, to close my eyes and
be attacked by all the evil I'd ever dealt with. Remembering meant
Donnie Pfaster, Duane Barry, Phillip Padgett...

Jacqueline bit her lip to stop the sobs, swallowing before continuing,
"When David killed himself I didn't see Cate for almost a month. She
stopped putting me to bed everynight, never played games with me any 
more, or taught me anything... I was dragged along to the compound 
almost every day by my nanny for psychological evaluations and physical
checkups. Everyone started treating me so differently..." She frowned
as she continued speculatively, "It must have been so hard for Cate,
losing two of her children... she did love us. Maybe she pulled away
from me in case she lost me too." She clamped her hand over her mouth,
letting out a choked sob. "Oh my God..." she whispered. She looked up
at me with wide eyes, distraught. "Oh my God," she repeated. "I... I... 
Oh God..." She let out more loud, choked sobs, and Astrid and Joshua 
both turned to stare at her.

"I know it hurts," I whispered compassionately. Pain. Why was their
always so much pain in my world? "I know how much it hurts."

"She was just so unhappy," Jacqueline whispered, a hitch in her voice.
"And the whole time I hated her and Roger so much because they didn't
care and now I know that once, they did care, and they cared so much...
now I know but now they're dead and it's my fault..."

"It's not your fault," I protested. "You were only trying to save your 
brother and sister from unhappiness. There was no way you could have 
known that by leaking the information you'd cause your parents 
deaths..."

Jacqueline drew a deep, shaky breath. "But it is my fault, Dana," she
whispered. "Because I did it."

I shook my head, confused, not wanting to take the statement at face
value. "Did what, Jacqui?" I felt a growing sense of dread, a gnawing in 
me stomach.

"I killed them," Jacqueline whispered. She let her head sink down into
her hands and the wracking sobs started again. 

I pulled away from her slightly as the information sunk in. I couldn't
help it. "Jacqueline..." I began, very quiet, very controlled.

"I had to." She looked up at me again, pleading, tearful. "I wanted 
Astrid and Josh to grow up as normal kids... I wanted them to be happy. 
I wanted to be happy. But -" her composure cracked and she swallowed, "I 
shouldn't have done it. I know I shouldn't have. They were just as 
unhappy as we were, and if I'd just..." She shook her head. "I should 
have done something. Something not as stupid as just shooting them in 
the head..." she shuddered.

I bit my lip and sighed heavily. "Where did you get the weapon from?"

Jacqueline drew another shaky breath. "I... I found it in Roger's bottom
drawer one day when I was... you know, snooping. I don't know why he
had it, but it was kept loaded... it was just so easy, you know." She
chuckled unhappily. "I didn't even really plan how I was going to do it 
... I took the gun one day when they were out at work, and hid it in my
bedroom. Then that night, when they'd gone to bed..." She shook her head
slowly as she remembered. "I was so calm about the whole thing. My mind
was made up that it was the last option... I didn't think about them
as people. They were targets, it was an obstacle I had to conquer, an
aim I had to achieve... I went into their bedroom and they were asleep 
... their alarm clock clicked to 11:58, and I just thought to myself
that I had to kill them before tomorrow came and I lost my nerve. And
I pressed the gun against Rodger's head and..." her voice faltered and
she trailed off. She inhaled shakily. "I dropped the gun at the foot of
the bed and as I was closing the bedroom door after myself I saw the
clock clicked to 12:00..." She smiled without humour. "And then... God,
I was just so calm. I went downstairs and I just sat on the bottom step
for ages, thinking about what we would do... I was so stupid. I should
have realised that they would have thought it was me... We should have
run right then. But I just thought that with Cate and Roger dead we'd
be free... that was all I could think."

I licked my dry lips. "What happened then?" I asked quietly.

Jacqueline was silent for a moment before answering, and when she did,
she seemed incredulous of her own actions. "I went into the kitchen and
went over to the fridge... I was hungry, so I found myself a yoghurt and
then I went into the lounge room to eat it... I was sitting there... 
contemplating... and I heard a bump upstairs," she whispered, her fists 
clenching unconsciously. "And I got so scared - I thought that if they 
found out that I'd killed Cate and Roger, they'd think I'd lost it... 
they'd take me away from Astrid and Josh and it'd be worse than ever."

"Who's 'they', Jacqui?" I prompted gently.

Jacqueline sighed heavily. "The doctors... the researchers... everyone."
She grimaced. "I went upstairs just to check... to see if anyone was
there... I pretended that I didn't know that Cate and Roger were dead,
just in case somebody was there, and then when I opened their bedroom
door... all I could see was blood." She let out a small whimper, holding
up her hands as though they were stained with blood, showing her crime.
"There was just so much blood..."

"Out, damned spot!" I murmured under my breath. I shook my head in 
disbelief. "Why did you call the police if you were guilty?"

Jacqueline shrugged. "I just got scared. I spent all the rest of the
night in my bedroom, thinking about it... I thought that if I called the
police I could somehow get some of the doctors and scientists at the
compound blamed for it, and then the three of us would maybe get a 
foster family or... something. I didn't think that the police would 
think I'd done it..." She shrugged again. "I just wanted Astrid and
Joshua to grow up happy and normal, that's all." She drew a deep breath
and looked up at me. "What happens now?"

I shook my head slowly. "I have absolutely no idea," I admitted. "It's 
just so ... so ..." I shook my head, unable to find the words.

Jacqueline was silent and I patted her gently on the back before 
standing and going into my bedroom, finding Mulder sitting on my bed,
reading through the case notes.
"Jacqueline shot her parents," I said quietly as I dropped down beside 
him on the bed. Normally I liked to gloat if I knew something he didn't,
tease him a little with the scrap of information. But not now.

Mulder glanced up at me sharply, eyes widening. "What?"

I nodded, sighing heavily. "Exactly." I explained what Jacqueline had 
related to me and Mulder grimaced.

"This makes things tough," he agreed.

I glanced down at the case folder in his hands, the photo of Cate
Moss catching my eye. I pulled it closer to me, studying the portrait 
intently for a moment. "Mulder..." I said slowly. "Look at the
resemblance here." I passed the folder back to him and he studied
the photo for a moment.

"Jacqueline's the spitting image of her mother," he said slowly. "How
come we didn't see that before?"

I shrugged. "We didn't look closely at the photo before. Or at Jacqui."

"So what does it mean, then?" Mulder asked, his eyes meeting hers
inquisitively.

I frowned, biting my lip grimly. We'd been hoaxed. "It means that 
sombody's lying."
I stood, striding out into the living room and holding the case folder
open in front of Jacqueline. She drew back away from the photo,
surprised.

"What?" She glanced up at me and winced. I guess I must have looked
pretty furious. 

"You're not telling us the whole truth, Jacqueline," I said coldly.

She looked alarmed, suddenly distrustful. "About what?"

"About your resemblance to your 'adopted' mother."

Jacqueline shugged uneasily. She looked frightened by my sudden change 
of manner. "Of course I look like her. Why wouldn't I?"

I was confused but I didn't show it. "What do you mean?" I asked 
sternly.

"Well, she and Roger provided the genetic material..." Jacqueline 
trailed off. Her face cleared as though she only just realised what I'd
been thinking and she heaved a relieved sigh. "I thought you two 
knew..."

I leaned back, slowing my breathing, chiding myself for overreacting. 
"So Cate and Roger Moss were your biological parents, after all."

Jacqueline nodded slowly. 

I felt a hand on my back, rubbing gently. "Jacqueline, is there anything 
else that you're not telling us? Anything at all?" Mulder asked quietly.
I guess he'd been watching the scene from the doorway.

Jacqueline bit her lip, staring down at the table for a few moments, 
frowning as she concentrated. She lifted her head again. "I don't think
so," she said honestly. "I just kinda assumed that you knew about Cate
and Roger being the donors and everything..."

"We don't know everything," I said dryly. "Far from it."

"I swear, Dana, I'm not trying to hide anything from you... not
anymore," she said earnestly. She frowned, dropping her gaze again. 
"What's going to happen to me?" she asked uncomfortably. "About shooting
them, I mean..." her voice trembled and she rubbed her arms as though
cold.

Mulder and I exchanged heavy glances. 

"We don't know," Mulder admitted finally. "We're going to have to 
seriously think about it..."

"I guess you don't trust me any more, huh?" Jacqui said resignedly. "I
wouldn't, if I were you. Teenagers who shoot their parents..." She shook
her head. "You should probably hand me in, shouldn't you? I mean, 
otherwise you could be charged with housing a felon..." She smiled 
wryly.

"We're not turning you in, Jacqui," I said, quietly but firmly. "And 
I'm not kicking you out either, if that's what you're worried about."

"The biggest issue in this case is not your parents murder; it's the
illegal, unethical experiments which have been silently taking place for 
the last twenty years," Mulder added. 

Jacqueline rose. "I'll let you guys think about it for a while," she
said quietly, then she slipped across the room, joining her siblings
in front of the TV.

Conscious of Jacqueline's sensitive hearing, I gave Mulder a nudge
to indicate that I wanted to talk in my bedroom. Mulder stood by the 
window as I shut the door carefully after myself, crossing my arms.
"Well?"

Mulder turned to face me, his lips pressed tightly together. "We can't
let them know that she's the killer, Scully. We can't admit it."

I stared at him, licking my lips. She sighed. "Mulder, need I remind you 
that it's against the law to harbor a known felon...?"

Mulder's eyes widened in surprise. "Scully, you told her that we 
wouldn't turn her in..."

I sighed again, nodding slowly. "Yeah, I know. And I'm not going to. I 
just..." I trailed off, rolling my eyes.

"You like to go by the book," Mulder finished softly.

I nodded, chuckling self-contemptuously. "Stupid, I know. I might as 
well have just thrown the book away the day I met you."

"If you had, we might not be standing here, alive, right now," Mulder
reminded me gently.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess." I shook myself. "So, how do we expose 
the Genesis Project? How do we make them accountable for what they've 
done to these kids?"

"How do we catch them before they catch us," Mulder mused.

I frowned. "Mulder," she said slowly, "Do you think they know where
we are?"

Mulder shrugged, peeking out through the curtains. "I don't know," he
admitted. "We haven't seen or heard anything so far... But we don't know
for certain that they're not watching us."

I repressed a shudder. "I don't like that," I muttered. I began to pace 
the room. "If they know where they are, they know who we are... and vice 
versa." I chewed on my lower lip. "But if they don't know who we are... 
or where we are... then they can't find us, can they?"

"I've thought about it," he said slowly. "If they got our plate number, 
then they could trace us back to the rental agency... which would give 
them my name. They could then trace me to the bureau and then to you... 
and to here."

"They didn't have long enough to get our plates, though," I disagreed,
more to convince myself than that I actually believed that. "And 
besides, if they had, wouldn't they have already traced us to here?"

"Maybe they have," Mulder said quietly.

I looked up at him, startled. I hadn't thought about that. "But ..."

Mulder shrugged. "Just a thought." He paused for a moment before adding
deliberately, "We don't know for certain that they haven't."

I shook my head slowly. "I don't think they know we're here," I said 
resolutely. "There's no sense in that. If they knew we were here, they 
would have done something... we were out all day yesterday. They
would have seen us leave... could have broken into my apartment and 
abducted the kids and we wouldn't have known anything until we got home
in the evening."

"So you think they're not going to catch us?" Mulder queried.

I winced. Time for the logical arguments... "I don't know. I think it 
would be foolish to assume that we're safe just because they haven't 
caught us already."

"What if they haven't caught us in a week, or a month, or a year?" 
Mulder pressed. "We can't go on like this forever, you know. It's not
practical. And it's not right... for the kids, or for us."

I nodded reluctantly. "I know, Mulder." I looked around unhappily,
feeling trapped. I wanted to go on like this forever. I really did. 
"Can't we just get through this weekend, please? On Monday, we'll do 
some investigating ... just let us have this weekend." I looked at him 
pleadingly.

Mulder held my gaze steadily. "Scully..." There was a distinct warning
in his tone and I couldn't blame him for it. He was afraid that I was
getting too emotionally involved. I already was, I knew that. I knew
that I was getting too sentimental and emotional and that I was 
becoming more and more vulnerable, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't
let these kids continue to be deprived of love. And selfishly, I 
wanted to be loved in return. 

"Mulder, please," I repeated, pleading. "Just this weekend... and if we 
haven't been caught by the end of it and we think we're safe... We'll 
tell Skinner about the kids, organize some sort of protective custody 
while we dig deeper into the Project..." 


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

I didn't want to say yes. I knew that letting Scully have two more days
with the kids would only lead to further bonding, and that would only
make it harder to say goodbye. I knew that. But I also knew that she
wanted this time with the kids desperately, and I knew how happy they
made her. What right did I have to deny her happiness? I nodded slowly.
"Fine," I agreed finally. I moved closer to her, touching her shoulder
gently. "I just don't want you to get hurt," I said gently. "And if you 
get too emotionally involved..."

"I'm fine," she assured me quickly. She gave me a brief, reassuring 
smile before turning away and moving toward the door. She paused at the 
door, her hand on the knob. "We're almost out of food. I'm going to see 
if Jacqueline will come grocery shopping with me. You're all right to 
look after Astrid and Josh?"

I nodded and followed her out into the living room, watching as she
talked quietly with Jacqueline for a few moments and the pair of them
pulled on shoes and grabbed jackets.
"We'll be back in an hour or so." Scully smiled encouragingly at me.
"Have fun, and don't burn the building down."

"Yes ma'am." I mock-saluted her, grinning when I saw Scully hide a small 
smile before she closed the door after herself.

Astrid flew toward me, flinging her arms around me. "Hey, Fox?"

"Yeah?" I prised her off me and looked down at her. Why did I tell 
Scully that I could handle this. Was I crazy? I was about as good at
dealing with kids as I was with keeping up a romantic relationship.
Scully, I felt, would find something that was both educational and fun.
I, however, felt completely inadequate as a babysitter. I knew this
experience was going to be a disaster.

"Fox, is it almost lunch time?" Astrid asked hopefully, taking my hands
and swinging them from side to side.

I glanced down at my watch. "I don't know, it's only twenty to eleven." 
I frowned as I tried to think. I knew Scully and I usually ate a late 
lunch, one-thirty or two or sometimes even three o'clock. Did that 
therefore make about midday the right time for lunch? "What time do you 
usually have lunch?"

"About now," Astrid offered hopefully. 

I looked at her with mock-suspicion, almost completely certain that
it was too early. "How about we see if Scully has any snacks we can 
have, huh?" I suggested.

Astrid looked at me, hands on hips. "Fox, why do you call her Scully 
all the time?" She looked disapproving, pouting. "I bet she'd like you
more if you called her Dana."

"What makes you think she doesn't like me lots now?" I demanded
indignantly. I have to admit that the expression was not completely an 
act. I was surprised to discover that I'd unconsciously adopted a 
childish tone and vocabulary.

"She does," Astrid shrugged. "She'd just like you more, that's all."

I nodded slowly, disbelievingly. I wasn't too keen on having a four
year old analyse my relationship with Scully. I moved into the living 
room, where Joshua was coloring with some Derwents Scully had dug up. 
Grabbing the remote, I flipped through the channels until I found one 
playing a basketball game. I settled back on the couch comfortably and 
was beginning to think that maybe he could get some peace and quiet 
after all, when Astrid jumped up on the couch beside me, climbing onto 
my lap and putting her arms around my neck affectionately.

"Fox?" she asked, chewing her lower lip thoughtfully.

I gave up trying to see the TV around her head and instead tried to
be attentive. "Yes, Astrid?"

"Dana likes us, right?" Astrid asked uncertainly.

I was surprised by the question. "Sure she does."

"And you like us, right?" 

I nodded. "Sure."

Astrid wiggled around on my lap, clearly indecisive about something.
Finally, she admitted, "Cos Duckie... she said that we're not going to 
stay with you and Dana."

"She did?" I was surprised. I guess I shouldn't have been, I just hadn't
really expected that Jacqueline would tell the kids these things. I
definately hadn't expected that Astrid would think so hard about them.

She nodded. "She says cos you and Dana are friends and stuff but you
don't want to be our parents."

"She said that?" 'Friends and stuff'? Yeah, Scully and I are friends
and stuff.

Astrid nodded again, then frowned. "Fox, why don't you and Dana want to
be our parents? We'd be good, I promise." She looked at me entreatingly.

I laughed at the absurdity of the statement. "Listen, kiddo..." I 
began awkwardly. "Scully and I are ... friends. Nothing more. We work
together." I shrugged apologetically.

"So?" Astrid demanded.

I shook my head hopelessly. "Astrid, we'll find you three a real family 
of your own, once we know that you'll be safe from the, uh... bad men 
chasing you."

Astrid pouted. "I like it here."

I let out a small chuckle. "Me too," I admitted. 

"So we can stay?" Her face lit up.

I didn't have the heart to give her a straight out 'no', and said 
instead, "Dana will have to think about that, okay?" I shrugged 
apologetically again, knowing full well what I'd just gotten Scully 
into. "Just don't get your hopes up, kiddo," I added quickly.

Astrid chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully for a moment, then sighed.
She slid off my lap onto the ground. Possessed by some inner force, the 
child within me, perhaps, I jumped up, caught her, and began to tickle 
her. She giggled and gave an earpiercing shriek as she ran away from 
me, hiding behind Joshua. I lunged to catch the two of them but with a 
squeal they ran, me emitting a wolf-like howl as I chased after them, 
evoking delighted giggles from Astrid. This chasing game continued for 
almost twenty minutes, all around Scully's apartment, creating havoc. It 
was only when a photoframe was knocked from Scully's bureau, the glass 
shattering, that we finally slowed to a halt. 

"Uh-oh," Joshua whispered. He reached down to touch the photo but I
quickly pulled him away.

"Whoa, whoa... broken glass," I warned. I winced as I picked up the
broken pieces of glass and replaced the rest of the photo frame back on
the bureau, the photo within it fortunately untouched. It was one of the
few photographs Scully had displayed in her house - generally, she 
wasn't one who lived in the past. It was of herself as a young girl, 
taken with her father, in full navy uniform, clearly about to depart.
Although beaming for the camera, a wistfulness was visible in her eyes,
the knowledge that her daddy was leaving her yet again, and wouldn't
return for what always seemed an eternity. I'd found Scully once, in a
rare vulnerable moment, sitting, holding the photoframe. Her eyes had
been dry of tears, her voice calm as she'd told me that she had relived
the emotions of that day too many times for her to recall, putting on a
brave face while feeling as though she were losing everything near and
dear to her. That was one of the few times she'd ever opened up to me
like that and I treated the memory preciously. 

I felt a tugging on my sleeve and I sighed heavily as I came back to 
earth. "Fox, what's wrong?" Astrid asked, staring up at me curiously.

I shook myself, standing, conscious of the glass shards in my hands.
"Nothing's wrong," I said quietly. I dropped the broken glass into the
waste paper basket, brushing my hands on my jeans. "C'mon, let's see
what's on TV."

Astrid followed me out of the bedroom and into the living room, Joshua
trailing behind her. "Fox, can we play a game?" she asked hopefully.

I shrugged. "What sort of game?"

She thought for a moment, then let out an excited squeal, jumping up and
down. "Ooh, Fox, can we play fireman? Pretty pretty please?"

"Fireman?" I hazarded. I didn't like the sound of that. "How do we do 
that?"

Astrid grinned. "Well, we have to get some pillows..." she began.

It turned out that the game of fireman was actually remarkably similar
to the game of catch and tickle - except in this case, instead of 
tickling, you had a pillow fight. Astrid and Joshua shrieked wildly as
they pelted me with the pillows, chasing me, jumping on and over
furniture, knocking things over and generally going wild and getting out 
of control. I heard someone turn keys in the lock and I turned mid-
swipe. A small feather floated down, landing on my nose, and I grimaced 
as I brushed it away, moving toward the door. It opened before I reached 
it and Scully stood there with her arms full of grocery bags, staring. 
Jacqueline stood beside her, hiding a smile.

I gulped, turning to survey the apartment, realising for the first time 
what a disaster it was. Astrid and Joshua were wrestling on the floor, 
their two pillows discarded carelessly on the ground, feathers escaping 
from a split seam in the side of one of them. Clothes and blankets
were strewn about everywhere on the floor, Joshua's toys spreading into
the kitchen.

Scully stepped through the door, carefully stepping over a toy car and
several other objects before reaching the kitchen table, where she 
dropped down the grocery bags. Then she turned to face me expectantly,
arms crossed, a faint smile flitting across her lips. "Well?"

I winced, trying to beat the pillow back to its original state. I knew
that smile, and I knew I was in trouble.
"We... we were playing a game..." I shrugged apologetically. "I didn't 
know we were going to mess up your apartment so much... sorry..?"

        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

I looked at him long and hard, studying his touseled hair, disheveled 
clothes, the grin which still remained in his eyes. My gaze moved past 
him as I heard a small giggle and saw Joshua grinning mischieviously, 
hiding next to Astrid behind the coffee table, his eyes fixed on me, his 
expression guilty but not scared.

I shook my head slowly, unable to stop my smile. "It's okay," I 
admitted. I chuckled. "You're cleaning it up, though."

Mulder smiled back at me, looking incredibly relieved, following me as 
I went into my room, pulling off my shoes and dropping them to the 
floor, smiling as I surveyed the rumpled bedcovers before throwing my 
jacket down on top.

"Listen, Scully..." Mulder hesitatingly began. I felt myself stiffen 
when I heard his voice, and I turned toward him, my eyes on the floor. 
He continued, "Before, you told me that you had feelings for me... 
feelings which you didn't intend to act on." He paused for a fraction of 
a second before adding, "Then you kissed me." He arched an eyebrow at 
me. "Am I missing something here?"

I steered myself to meet his gaze. "Focus on the case, Mulder," I said 
brusquely, lowering my eyes again and moving toward the door. But Mulder 
barred my way, grasping my upper arms firmly.

"Scully..." 

No, dammit, Mulder! I felt furious for him pushing the issue. I'd had
some time to think about it and now I was more certain than ever that
we couldn't afford to alter our relationship at the moment. We had
enough to deal with without it, enough emotions to fill a barn. 

"It was a mistake, okay?" I scowled, pushing him away from me. "You'd
better start cleaning up out there."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

Only a dozen words were exchanged between us the remainder of the
afternoon, sharp, tense communication. Scully moved around the apartment
in a constant flurry of activity, cleaning up the mess, keeping Astrid 
and Joshua amused with different activities, talking to Jacqueline
who seemed a lot quieter since her confession this morning. I couldn't 
help but admire Scully's strength in keeping the facade up - if it 
hadn't been for her very obvious ignoral of me, I would have said that 
she was perfectly comfortable and happy in her situation. When it came 
to me, however, she was short and snippy with answers and instructions. 
Eventually, I gave up attempting to talk to her, instead dropping down 
on the couch and flipping the TV to a sport channel, only half-
attentive, my mind still puzzling over her behaviour.
She'd been happy til I'd mentioned her kissing me. Clearly she didn't 
like being reminded of her actions. She was ashamed of what she had 
done, hated herself for it, and was angry at him because he was someone 
she could blame. I could understand that. She needed time to cool off.
I accepted that.

After almost five hours of accepting it, I snapped. We were being so
damn ridiculous. She brushed past me with a dustpan and broom to sweep 
up glitter Astrid had just knocked onto the floor and I caught her arm.
"Mulder, let go of me," she threatened, trying to shake me off.

"You're pissed off with me, aren't you?" I released her and crossed my
arms, waiting for her answer.

Scully drew a deep breath, standing straighter. "No, I'm not," she said
coldly.

"Scully, don't deny it..." I said tiredly. I was sick of this. Why
couldn't we just be honest with each other. Why did we have to put up
all the sanctimonious crap?

Scully pushed me angrily in the chest. "Dammit, Mulder, I'm not angry
at you," she muttered. She turned away, lowering her voice. "I'm angry 
at myself."

I took a step back and watched her as she bent down, working furiously
to brush the glitter from the carpet. Finished, she stood again, passing
by me again without comment. I deliberated for a moment before 
following her into the bathroom, where she was scrubbing hard at her
fingers, trying to remove all the small specks of gluey-glitter which
were stuck to her skin. I closed the door quietly behind me and Scully, 
sensing my presence, turned. She sighed. "Mulder... enough is enough, 
okay?" She turned back to the basin, hunching over it, staring as a 
thin, steady stream of water slipped down the drain. She looked as tired
as I felt, weary of constantly battling emotions. Nothing was simple
for us. Every move we made we had to weigh up the consequences, wonder
if we were doing what was right for us and our jobs and the fate of
the world. It was tiring.

I swallowed and licked my lips. "It's just past six," I said awkwardly. 
"Jacqueline's wondering about dinner." That was a fib, but I wanted to
start out on safe territory.

She drew a deep breath but didn't lift her head. "I'll be out in a
few minutes," she said curtly. "Jacqueline and I borrowed some videos
for the kids. You can go put one on for them."

I nodded, paused deliberatingly for a moment. "Scully," I said
tentatively, "Why are you avoiding me?"

She looked up to meet my eyes in the mirror before quickly dropping her
gaze again, bending down to get a drink from the tap. "I'm not," she
said finally, her voice muffled.

I hesitatingly reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. "Scully, you 
can't even look me in the eye," I said gently.

She closed her eyes as I pulled her to face me. "Mulder, please just let 
me go," she whispered, her hands on my chest to keep the distance 
between us.

"Scully, don't push me away," I whispered softly. I reached out to 
hesitantly cup her cheek. I was treading on eggshells, but we had to
have this conversation. We couldn't leave everything unsaid. "You know 
it'll kill me."

She shook her head numbly, trying to push me away, her lower lip
trembling, on the verge of tears.
"Hey, you're trembling," I whispered, taking her arms. I pulled her into 
a hug, relishing the fact that we still fitted together so perfectly 
when I held her. "Scully," I murmured, "I don't want you to feel 
scared... or uncomfortable... I don't want to lose what we have, Scully. 
Without you to make me whole, I'd fall apart. You know that. You know 
me. I don't want to hurt you... and I don't want to get hurt." I paused 
for a moment, stroking her hair. "What are you so afraid of, Scully? Why 
won't you let me love you?" I don't think I've ever been so open, so
honest to anybody before. But we needed to do that. We needed to be 
honest with each other and ourselves because we were hurting each other
too much by not being honest.

She swallowed tears. "I... I just don't want to lose you, Mulder," she 
whispered. "I know how it feels when I've lost you forever and I don't
ever want to feel that way again."

I rubbed her back gently. "Scully..." I whispered. I bent my head down 
over hers, lifting her chin to kiss her cheek. Her eyes closed briefly 
as she accepted the kiss, and she let my cheek rest against hers for a 
few moments. Finally, she pulled away, swallowing but smiling softly.

"Let's go see about dinner, huh?" she asked quietly.

I brushed away a tear that had slipped down her cheek, wanting to treat
my beautiful Scully so tenderly and lovingly forever.
"Marry me," I whispered impulsively.

She stared at me for a long moment before chuckling softly to herself, 
rolling her eyes. She patted me on the arm with a smile and then turned 
away from me, leaving the bathroom.

I don't think she realised that I'd never been more serious in my life.

      - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV - 

I think the fact that I could cook surprised Scully. Well, maybe 'cook'
is too strong a word, but I think she'd expected the spaghetti to end
up either half-cooked or one big dry clump in the bottom of a saucepan,
and that we'd all end up eating the pasta sauce on toast. And even to a
bachelor like me, that's an insult. 
There was a rediscovered ease between us in the kitchen as we prepared
dinner together. It seemed that no matter what we were working on, 
Scully and I always managed to work in sync, getting things done 
efficiently. I chopped the vegetables haphazardly, my eyes on Scully as
she followed a recipe for some bacon and mushroom sauce that she told
me her grandmother had given her. Scully and Jacqueline had hired some
movies for the kids and Jacqueline, Astrid and Joshua were all squeezed
together on the couch, watching. I'd been watching Jacqueline earlier,
and it had been surprising to see the fascination on her face as she
explored a previously unexplored part of childhood. 
I was tossing all the chopped tomato, lettuce, carrot and cucumber into 
a salad bowl and about to mix when a familiar song floated toward us.
I'd seen this movie twice before, which is something I'd never admit to
Scully. Diana had gotten stuck babysitting her twin five year old nieces
for the day. We'd only been working together then... well, pretty much
only working together, and she'd begged me to come over. Her brother's
wife had packed a whole pile of videos but Sleeping Beauty had been the
only one that the twins had wanted to watch, over and over and over...
I shook all thoughts of Diana from my mind, telling myself to focus on
Scully. I couldn't let Diana haunt me like this - I'd managed to forget
about her up until she returned, and I refused to think about her now. I 
knew that Scully hated Diana, plain and simple. She'd made little 
attempt to hide her jealousy and at the time it had angered me. Now I
was kicking myself for being such a fool about it, for not being able
to see what was so obvious, the reasons behind Scully's jealousy, her
territorialism. And I loved her for it, now. 
Her back was to me as she stood at the stove, stirring the bubbling 
sauce. An idea was forming in my mind as I listened to the song playing 
on the TV, and I knew that if I was daring enough to act on it, I had to 
as soon as possible. Remembering what had happened in the nightclub in 
Indiana, I decided it was worth the risk.

I moved behind her, snaking my arms around her to drop the wooden spoon
from her hand into the pot and pull her away from the stove and into
my arms. She let out a surprised giggle as I pressed my hand on her back
and took her hand with my free one, and we began to sway to the music.
The grin on her face was priceless.

I grinned at her, leaning closer.
"I kissed you once."

Scully raised an eyebrow, smiling at me. "Really? When?"

I grinned. She thought I was kidding, I knew, but it didn't matter. 
"Once upon a dream..."

We began to waltz around her kitchen - not that I actually knew how to
waltz, but we pretended. We both grinned as the words from the TV
floated across to us: "I know you, I walzted with you once upon a 
dream..."

I raised my eyebrows at her and she laughed. Spurred on by her radiant 
smile, I started to spin us around, faster and faster. "Mulder, stop 
it," she protested, laughing. But I knew she didn't really want to 
stop. Her eyes were telling me to keep going, to never stop.

We'd attracted the attention of the three kids, who had all twisted
around on the couch and were peering over the top to see, grinning. 
Astrid clapped happily, laughing.

I continued to spin her around. Her protests grew weaker and weaker 
until she was just giggling, grinning broadly, until the song ended, 
and we slowly came to a stop. Scully let out a breathless giggle, 
grinning up at me. I smiled down at her, reaching with one hand to 
cup her cheek, stroking gently. I could feel her shivering slightly and 
leant down, pressing my forehead against hers, my free hand finding her 
fingers and playing with them gently.
"Nervous?" I whispered.

Scully drew a deep breath. She knew what was coming next. We both did,
and I think it came as a relief to both of us. We'd waited long enough. 
"A little," she admitted, smiling shyly. 

I smiled back at her. "Me too," I whispered.

Scully let out a small, nervous giggle. "Can you hear my heart 
pounding?" she whispered.

I chuckled softly, taking her hand and pressing it against my chest. 
"Can you feel mine?" I murmured. We both giggled softly, unaware of 
our audience. 

"We're finally here, huh?" She smiled as she stroked the back of my 
neck. "Took us long enough."

"Yeah," I agreed. I leant in, brushing my lips along her collarbone.

"Are you teasing me, Mulder?" She smiled at me.

"Just keeping you in suspense," I murmured, grinning.  

She giggled again. "Six years is enough suspense for me, Mulder." Her
smile faded and she whispered hesitantly, "We're doing this for the 
right reasons, aren't we, Mulder?"

"All the right reasons," I assured her. And I honestly felt that. We
loved each other beyond all else. This made sense, and we both deserved
it.

Time stood still as we drew closer to each other, excruciatingly 
slowly. Our lips met briefly, then again, more certainly, deeper. It
wasn't as passionate as a certain kiss I remembered, but I knew that 
would come. We were still testing the waters, tenderly hesitant. We 
finally pulled apart and Scully looked... well, dazed.

"Mission accomplished," she murmured, grinning at me shakily.

I chuckled. "Took us long enough, didn't it?"

Scully shook her head gently. "Doesn't matter." She smiled up at me,
reaching out to caress my cheek lightly. "I think dinner's burning,"
she murmured with a giggle. She smiled at me again before turning back
to the stove. 
I felt eyes on me and turned to see Jacqueline, Astrid and Joshua 
grinning at me over the top of the couch. Astrid giggled.

I smiled sheepishly, turning away again and standing next to Scully
at the stove, dipping a finger in the sauce and tasting it. "Not too 
bad," I murmured, bending my head close to hers. "The kids were 
watching us," I whispered softly, hiding a smile.

Scully looked up at me, an eyebrow raised, a faint smile dancing along
her lips. "Tell me I'm beautiful, Mulder," she murmured teasingly. 
There was a newfound confidence in her, and I felt it too.

"I don't need to," I smiled. "Every look I've thrown your way in the 
past six years has been telling you that." I brushed her hair from
her forehead, my touch light and tender. I felt so wonderfully certain
about us.

We sat close together, side by side, during the meal, my left arm lazily 
draped around her shoulders as we ate, my thumb absently caressing her 
collarbone just underneath the edge of her shirt. Scully was relaxed 
under my touch, leaning back in her seat, laughing softly at Astrid's 
antics. I loved seeing her so relaxed, so assured, so willing to accept 
my affection. 


      - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -


After dinner we all settled in front of the TV, watching the remainder 
of Sleeping Beauty. Mulder and I sat on either side of the couch, my 
socked feet resting in Mulder's lap as he gently massaged them.
Jacqueline was curled up in the armchair with Joshua on her lap, and
Astrid was fluttering around the room, dancing around energetically,
alternately cheering for the characters and hiding behind the couch in
fearful moments. She had boundless energy, as always.
The movie finally ended, Mulder and I finding ourselves slightly closer 
together than we had been when we'd first sat down, not that that was
necessarily a bad thing. Mulder's arms were fully encircling me, my
head nestled just under his chin, my hand resting on his knee, rubbing 
gently. Although wary of pushing the boundaries of our altered 
relationship, we were both hesitatingly eager about exploring newfound 
possibilities. 

"Dana? Fox? Can we watch another one now, pretty pretty please?" Astrid
begged, bouncing up and down.

I peeled back Mulder's sleeve to look at his watch. "It's almost
eight..." I glanced across at where Joshua was falling asleep in his
sister's arms. "I think it's about bedtime."

"Already?" Astrid pouted. "No fair, Dana."

I relucantly pulled out of Mulder's grip and stood, flexing my muscles. 
"Yes, fair."

"Don't we get dessert, Dana? Please?" Astrid looked up at me hopefully.

"Yeah, Dana, some dessert, please?" Mulder mimicked playfully.

I rolled my eyes, swatting at him affectionately. I went over to the 
fridge, opening the freezer door and staring long and hard at my supply 
of Double Choc with Hazelnut icecream. Then I sighed, pulling out the 
tub and closing the freezer door. I could always buy myself more.

"There's five of us, baby," Mulder whispered teasingly in my ear as I
began to scoop out icecream into three dishes.

I ignored him. I had a plan, and I wasn't going to spill it yet. I 
called the kids to the table and watched as they began to eat the
icecream. Mulder was standing beside me and nudged me, pouting 
pitifully. 
"Don't I get some?"

I grinned at him, raising my eyebrows enigmatically, and moved into my
living room with the almost empty tub in my hands. I dropped down
comfortably on the couch, digging out a spoonful of icecream and eating
it slowly, savouring it. Mulder had followed me in and was standing
watching me, pouting.

"Scully, you're not being very nice to me," he said petulantly.

That made me laugh. I licked the spoon slowly, teasing him, before 
digging in again. I held the spoonful contemplatingly in front of me,
then looked up at Mulder with a cocked eyebrow. Then, smiling, I offered
it to him. His pout vanished as he eagerly took the offered treat, 
grinning as he licked his lips clean. He dropped down on the couch
beside me, cuddling up against me, resting his chin on my shoulder. 
"Much better," he murmured approvingly, his breath tickling my ear.

Our little game continued for the next few minutes, until the tub was
empty. "Was that some sort of bizarre mating ritual, Scully?" Mulder
murmured teasingly. He was really acting like a cat now, burrowing 
against me, pressing his face against mine. It felt wonderful.

I chuckled, lacing my fingers through his hair. "Yeah, Mulder, it 
was," I answered with a giggle. I stood up, giving him a hand up, and we 
returned to the kitchen where the kids had finished dessert. 

Astrid grinned up at me. "That was yummy, Dana." She giggled.

I smiled warmly. "I thought you'd like it." I watched as Jacqueline 
collected the three dishes and spoons, placing them neatly in the sink.
"And now, it really is time to get ready for bed." I patted Astrid on
the head, then gave her a gentle shove. "Off you go."

"But Duckie said that Josh and I could have a bath tonight. Can we Dana,
pretty please?" Astrid beamed at me. I couldn't help grinning at how
eager she was about everything. That sort of optimistic outlook on life
was incredibly refreshing.

I glanced across at Jacqueline to check and she shrugged. "Mulder and 
I'll wash up. You can give the kids their bath." She smiled at me. 

I saw straight through her little ploy but didn't care. She was giving
me some time with Astrid and Josh, playing a role I desperately yearned
to play. I wasn't going to protest. 
I kneeled beside the tub as they splashed around, shamelessly joined in
their bubble fight, and then rubbed them dry with my oversized fluffy
blue bath towels, dressing them in their pajamas. They brushed their
teeth and I managed to drag a comb through Astrid's wet hair. I was 
still grinning when we finally emerged from the bathroom. My hair was
damp from bubbles and splashes and it was going frizzy, and my feet
were bare and cold, the socks I'd been wearing soaked from the 
overflow of bath water.

Jacqueline smiled at me briefly before moving past me into the 
bathroom to take a shower before bed. Mulder grinned at me, moving 
closer and touseling my hair. I closed my eyes as his fingers massaged
my scalp. It was incredibly relaxing.

"Dana, will you read me a bedtime story?" I opened my eyes and Astrid 
smiled up at me hopefully, still full of energy, jumping up and down.

I smiled affectionately, reluctantly pulling away from Mulder. "Sure, 
sweetie." I would have liked to have held onto him for a little while
longer, but we'd have some time together later, after the kids had gone
to sleep.

Astrid clapped happily before dashing off, diving into the little
blanket and pillow huddle which had become her bed. I imagined her for
a moment in a real bed, with pretty pink covers and covered with teddy
bears and dolls, and smiled wistfully. I turned my attention to Joshua,
watching as he carefully slid into his bed, concentrating hard as he
pulled the blanket up to his neck, wiggling around to get comfortable.
The grinning, giggling little boy who had fleetingly appeared during 
the evening had gone, and he was once again quiet and sombre.

"Hey, Josh," I called gently. "Do you want to read a bedtime story with us?" 

He stared at me for a long moment, biting his lower lip uncertainly,
before he nodded. I sat beside Astrid and patted the carpet beside me.
Joshua sat beside me silently, glancing up at me shyly before wiggling
closer just an inch. I hid my exhilaration at his movement and smiled
gently down at him. Astrid produced a paperback book and I smiled 
ironically when I saw what it was. Roald Dahl's Matilda, a book I'd read
many times during my own childhood. I began to read quietly.

      - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV -

I don't think Scully noticed when I dropped down in the armchair across
the room, listening to her steady, expressive reading with a smile.
She didn't look up and meet my gaze until she'd been reading for about
a quarter of an hour. Joshua had fallen asleep against her and Astrid
was nodding off. I watched Scully as she smiled down at them, marking
the place in the book and returning it to the pile of books and toys
Jacqueline had hastily assembled what seemed like years ago. She gently
slid out from between the kids, picking up Joshua. He didn't stir as
she tucked him tenderly in his own bed. She hesitated for a moment 
before bending down to place a goodnight kiss on his sleep-flushed
forehead, then returned to tuck Astrid in. I watched how Scully sat 
patiently beside the drowsy little girl, listening patiently to her as 
she murmured between yawns. Finally, Astrid's eyes closed, and Scully 
gazed at her for a few moments before bending down to kiss her 
goodnight, tucking her blankets around her tightly for her before 
standing. Then she looked up at me, forehead creased as though puzzled,
wondering. She stepped toward me, sighing tiredly as she reached down 
to clasp my hand. 

I brought my hand to her face, catching a stray tendril of hair and
tucking it gently behind her ear. My hand remained on her cheek, 
stroking the soft skin, and we both smiled, shy but content. 

The bathroom door opened and Jacqueline strode into the living room, 
towelling her hair dry, stopping short when she noticed us, but not 
before we saw her. 
I pulled Scully closer against me, kissing her forehead, letting my lips
linger there for an eternal second before releasing her. I took a step
back. My hand was still in hers and Scully released it with a sigh.
I flashed a sheepish smile at her before I turned away.

      - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

"Dana?" Jacqueline asked softly.

I'd been watching Mulder as he moved away and slowly transferred my
gaze, feeling as though my powers of concentration weren't at their
strongest at that particular time. "Yeah?"

"Are you happy?" She frowned as she asked the question, as though it 
were something which had been troubling her.

I stared at her, digesting the question for a few seconds. "Yes," I
said finally. And I was certain. I was happy.

Jacqueline nodded slowly, then half turned away, starting to make up 
her bed on the couch.
"I'm sorry I meddled before, Dana..." Her voice was quieter than 
before, hesitant. "But I could see, you know... I knew."

"Knew what?" I queried, staring at her with intrigue.

There was a long pause before she answered. "I just knew." She still
had her back to me and she settled down on the couch. "Goodnight, 
Dana."

I stared at her for another moment before nodding. "Goodnight, Jacqui."
Giving her a brief smile, I left the living room, switching off the 
light on the way out.

I entered my bedroom and for the first time I thought about how we were
going to deal with sleeping in the same bed now that we'd acknowledged
the sexual attraction. Mulder was sprawled out on my bed and grinned
at me as I passed him to get my pajamas. It was hard to tell whether it
was just an affectionate, teasing grin, or what. I was scared of what
Mulder was expecting of me tonight. I took longer in the bathroom than
usual, stalling from going to bed, and my mind kept manufacturing
nagging thoughts, some of them appealing, some making me uncomfortable.
It wasn't that I wasn't attracted to the idea of making love with 
Mulder, but I had no desire to rush things. 

I re-entered my bedroom and ignored him as he patted the bed beside him,
instead moving over to the window, staring out through the curtains. 
My heart was beating wildly and I wondered whether I appeared calm on
the surface or not. 

"Scully, honey..." There was a pout in his voice, and as I glanced 
across at him I felt a rush of affection for him. Although his gesture
was bold and almost mocking, his eyes were darkly serious, his smile
affectionate but shy. 

I moved over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, letting him take my
fingers and lace them through his own. He tugged me closer to him.
"Can we snuggle?" He put on a baby voice, but I could see through it 
that he was nervous. The thought surprised me, but it was also 
reassuring. We both wanted to tread carefully.
I brought his hand to my lips, kissing his fingers lightly. "Sure, we
can." I smiled. I released his hand so I could slip my robe off, and I 
slid into the bed beside him, letting him pull me into his arms.
The warmth and strength of his embrace was wonderful.

I had just started to nod off when Mulder kissed my neck. "Scully," he
murmured, "do you remember what Phillip Paggett told us?"

That hit the panic button inside me. I felt the tension that had been
slowly seeping from my body return in a sudden sweep and Mulder seemed
to sense it, rubbing his chin along my shoulder. 
"Yeah," I whispered. The room had gone so terribly, terribly silent.

There was another long silence before Mulder asked quietly, "Was he
telling the truth?"

I sighed heavily, rolling out of his arms onto my side so that I could
face him. This was something that needed to be done face to face.
I swallowed several times before I could speak. "You know me, Mulder."

His eyes were darkly intense. "I see." He sighed, his fingers reaching
up to trace my lips. "And we just keep on working, don't we Scully?" he 
murmured, shaking his head. 

It took me a few seconds to realise what he was saying. "Yeah, Mulder,"
I agreed heavily. "We just keep on working."

We held each other's serious gazes for a long time before Mulder smiled.
"All work and no play makes Fox a dull boy, you know," he murmured
wryly. 

I smiled. "Fox could never be a dull boy." I propped myself up on one
elbow, studying him. "We don't ever really talk, do we, Mulder?"

"No, we don't." He paused. "Do you wish we did?"

I nodded. 

"Do you want to talk now?" He looked concerned, studying me curiously
as if assessing what I might be worried about.

"Nothing deep and meaningful," I assured him, reaching out to rub his
bare arm. The covers had fallen down a little and it was covered in
goosebumps. "Just... stuff. The sort of stuff you'd tell a girl on a
first date, or something."

He grinned. "Is this our first date, Scully?"

I smiled. "I think second would be more appropriate. But hopefully
this one won't go for the six years that the first one did."

Mulder laughed softly. "That was the best first date I've ever had."


        - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV -

We talked for hours. If the last six years had been the best first date
I'd ever been on, this would have to be the best second date. 

It was almost two am when Scully fell asleep in my arms, now greatly 
knowledgeable about the great baseball and basketball stars of the 
century. I don't think either of us had really believed that we were
capable of having lighthearted, humorous conversations these days - 
ones which didn't take place in an autopsy bay, anyway - and it had been 
wonderful to just talk on and on for hours. We'd giggled about how I'd 
taught her how to play baseball, challenged each other to a one-on-one
basketball game. I'd told her about college games and she'd told me
about the ballgames she'd played growing up with her brothers. It was
so wonderfully relaxed between the pair of us. I kissed her ear and she
chuckled, snuggling against me. She gave me a shoulder massage on a 
whim and I gave her one in return. It was so incredibly comfortable, 
gentle, affectionate and loving, and I loved every minute of it.
I watched her breathing as she lay asleep, her head resting on my chest,
my fingers running through her hair. Her pajama shirt was twisted, 
revealing scarred flesh from the gunshot wound. I ran my fingers over 
the scar with a frown, knowing that she had one on her back as well,
a smaller one from the exit wound. I'd seen both sets of stitches when
she'd been in the hospital - she'd demanded to see them, and I'd brought
her mirrors, against her nurse's advice. She'd paled when she'd pulled
away the bandages to reveal the puckered sutured skin, but not as much
as I had. There had always been some irrational hope in the back of my 
mind that the scars would somehow miraculously disappear. My beautiful
Scully shouldn't be scarred like that.

She stirred at my touch, slowly opening her eyes. Her hand slid over
mine and she let out a small groan when she realised what I was 
thinking.

"If they hadn't separated us, Scully..." I muttered, dredging up my
feelings of guilt. "If they hadn't sent you off with Ritter..." I shook 
my head. "I should have been there."

"Mulder, you ... it's not your fault," she whispered. "You have nothing
to regret. You did all that you could." A faint, wistful smile formed
on her lips. "When I woke up in the hospital and saw you there, right
next to me... You made me feel so safe, Mulder."

I smiled, touched by her confession. "For better or for worse, Scully."
I really meant that. We'd always been like that, sticking together,
helping each other when we needed somebody to lean on. 

She chuckled softly, shifting a little and letting her eyes close.
"Exactly..." she murmured. She let out a small, comfortable sigh. 
"Goodnight, Mulder."

"Sleep tight, Scully," I answered quietly. I drew a deep breath and 
let my own eyes drift shut.

         - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

It was still dark when I woke again. I smiled contently as I shifted a
little in Mulder's warm, firm embrace. My radio clock read 4:16 and
I wondered what had woken me. It was rarely that I woke up so soon after
getting to sleep. I could hear a few scattered sounds of traffic in the 
distance, and that heightened the sense of snugness that I had. I felt
so safe, so calm as I lay there, perfectly still, reviewing my altered
relationship with Mulder. I felt so confident about it, certain that
we could get through anything that life threw at us. No more rifts, I
promised myself. They were unbearable.

My years as a med student and Mulder's partner had shaped my sleeping
habits, and my mind had a habit of becoming increasingly active if I
woke in the middle of the night, making me unable to get back to sleep.
My heart seemed to beat with anticipation of our future together. I felt
more certain about it than ever, and it was exciting, liberating.
I rolled onto my side, bringing my hand to Mulder's face, cupping his
cheek and stroking the stubble affectionately. Mulder murmured and 
stirred, his eyes fluttering open lazily and meeting mine in greeting.

No words passed between us - we needed none as he placed his hand over
mind, his other hand snaking underneath me to brush the back of my neck.
I shivered with delight at his touch, smiling shyly, my thumb reaching
up to gently graze his lower lip. Mulder's tongue darted out to lick
the tip of my thumb and I giggled. He was so wonderfully sweet. He 
prised my hand away gently, kissing my fingertips, and shifted closer
to me, our foreheads almost pressed together. Our eyes met and we both
smiled. I tilted my face toward Mulder as he leaned closer and his lips
brushed mine. I returned the gesture with gentle, undemanding kisses,
loving Mulder's tenderness. With a contented sigh I burrowed against
him, inhaling his scent with my face pressed against the crook of his 
neck. My sheer happiness was overwhelming and I felt a single tear
slide down my cheek. It had been a long time since I'd felt loved like
this.

Mulder withdrew a little, concerned. "Hey, don't cry, Scully," he
murmured anxiously, trying to brush away the tears. "Don't cry."

I tried to swallow down the lump that had risen up in my throat, and
settled instead for pulling his hands away so I could kiss him again.

"I love you so much," I whispered fiercely. I don't know how loud it
came out, I think it was only a bare whisper. But he heard and smiled,
his fingers deftly caressing my cheeks, brushing away the remaining
tears.

We smiled at each other, and then he drew me back into his arms. I let
my eyes close again, letting myself relax against him. We settled down
together, fitting snugly like puzzle-pieces. 

"My Scully." I could hear the happiness in his voice as he whispered
the words. "My Scully..."

         - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- JACQUELINE POV -

I stood in the doorway of the bedroom, staring at the two sleeping
agents, their forms bathed in the early morning light. Their tearstained
but peaceful faces were close together, Dana's right arm underneath Fox, 
his arms encircling her, one of his hands resting on her back under her 
pajama shirt. The scene would seem fairly innocent, but I knew 
instinctively that it had been a significant night for the pair 
of them. I left the room, closing the door gently behind myself, 
glancing at the clock as I returned to Joshie and Astrid who were
sitting on the living room floor in their pajamas, intently watching
cartoons on TV.

It seemed so unfair, I thought as I watched them, that things had to
change for them yet again. I secretly wished that we could stay here
with Dana and Fox. They were strong, and I admired that strength. I 
loved to watch the two of them together, the way in which they argued
and behaved. Every one of their movements was so filled with meaning,
screaming out in body language. It was incredible to watch.

"Duckie?"

Astrid was tugging impatiently on my sleeve and I glanced down at her.
"What is it, baby?"

She looked up at me with that hopeful expression that I've learnt can
only mean one thing. "Breakfast time yet?"

"Not yet, Dana and Fox are still asleep." I hid a smile as I said that.

Astrid pouted. "They sleep an awful lot," she complained.

"And you eat an awful lot," I retorted teasingly, grabbing my sister 
around the waist and hugging her. "What have you got, hollow legs or 
something?"

"Hollow legs!!" Astrid echoed gleefully, giggling as I began to tickle 
her. She loves being tickled. The shrilling ringing of the phone cut 
through the air sharply and her giggles ceased. I slowly released my 
grip on her and the three of us stood frozen to the spot as it rang on, 
letting out a simultaneous sigh of relief as the ringing suddenly cut 
off.
Subdued, Astrid returned to the TV, settling down beside Joshua quietly. 
I watched them for a moment before hesitatingly moving down the hall and 
opening Dana's bedroom door a crack. They were both awake, Dana propped 
up on the pillows, talking on the phone, her expression one of intense 
concentration. Fox was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, 
grinning up at her. I watched, enthralled, as Fox began to nuzzle 
against Dana's shoulder. Dana stifled a smile, and I could tell easily 
that it was becoming increasingly hard for her to concentrate on what 
she was saying as Fox began to pull pitiful faces. Unable to control her 
laughter, Dana let out a small giggle, immediately biting her lip to 
quieten herself, grinning sheepishly, and saying, "No, Mom, it's 
nothing... I'm just... uh, well, you know, it's a nice day outside. 
Spring is in the air..."
Smiling to myself in relief and amusement, I gently eased the door shut 
and returned to the living room.

"Are Fox and Dana awake yet?" Astrid demanded, jumping up.

I hid a smile. "They're awake, but Dana's talking to her mom on the 
phone at the moment."

"What about Fox?"
My little sister. Always wanting to know everything.

A ripple of laughter escaped from me. "He's pulling funny faces at her."

Astrid looked skeptical. "Why?"

"To make her laugh."

Astid still looked unamused. "Why?"

"Because he loves her," I said simply.

She considered the point, then nodded wisely. Then she giggled. "I'm 
glad Fox loves Dana."

I grinned, hugging her against me. "Me too."


         - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -


"Dayyyyyna..."

I smiled, glancing down at Astrid and ruffling her uncombed hair. 
"What is it, honey?"

My own hair was done loosely in a ponytail, as casual as the jeans and
old University of Maryland sweatshirt I'd dug out of the bottom drawer
of my bureau. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so deliciously
laid back and relaxed. I guess it had been mainly Mulder's influence,
but the kids had had their effect as well. Astrid and Joshua had sparked
my maternal instincts, and Jacqueline... well, Jacqueline had made me
feel twenty again, not that I'd been this giggly when I was twenty.
The tranquillity I was experiencing was unreal and kinda scary. I was
afraid that I was letting my paranoia fade into the background and my
tight rein on my emotions loosen.


"Daynaaaaa?" Astrid was pulling at my sleeve, trying to get my complete 
attention, and I obediently focused on her.
"Dana, I wanna go outside..." She stuck out her lower lip pitifully.
"Me n' Josh are bored inside."

I sighed, playing absentmindedly with Astrid's curls. "How about drawing 
some pictures?"

"Done that!" Astrid announced in a suitably melancholic tone.

"Blowing bubbles? Oragami? Your toys? Your doll?" I ran through a whole 
list of activities, but to each hopeful suggestion Astrid continued to 
shake her head. Finally, I acknowledged myself beaten.
"Would you like to go play in a park, then?" I suggested doubtfully,
reluctant to go outside with the kids but attracted to the idea of
escaping the confines of my apartment.

Astrid nodded firmly, hugging me around the waist. I hugged the child 
against me, smiling affectionately. Astrid broke away, running and 
throwing herself against Jacqueline, almost knocking herself over. 
"Dana said we can go to the park, Duckie!" she enthused.

Jacqueline raised an eyebrow, glancing across to meet my gaze. 
"She did, did she?" 

I shrugged. "As long as we're careful..."

A smile broke out on Jacqueline's lips. "We'll be careful, Dana,
don't worry."


I did worry, despite Jacqui's reassurances, as we walked the three 
blocks to the large fenced-in public park I'd often walked Queequeg to. 
There were several dogs here now, a Saint Bernard accompanied by a 
family of young boys and an elderly couple with two black labradors, and 
a mangly mixed breed with mud-coated fur and no collar, its nuzzle 
sifting through a pile of fallen leaves for food scraps. Astrid ran 
eagerly toward it, stopping short when it lifted its head and stared at 
her, nose twitching. It was not a large dog, but a daunting enough size 
to the petit four year old, who had never actually seen a dog in the 
flesh before. She took a few hesitating steps forward, her eyes fixed on 
the dog, its eyes on her warily. Then she held out her hand. 
I'd been standing, watching, mesmerised, and managed now to snap myself 
out of it enough to take a few steps toward Astrid. "Honey, I don't 
think -" I began. At the sound of my voice the dog snapped its gaze to 
me, snapping its jaws, baring yellowed teeth.
I stiffened, not wanting to admit that I was suddenly scared of a 
feral dog in a well-kept Georgetown public park in broad daylight with 
Mulder, Jacqueline and Joshua only twenty feet away. As a kid I'd fed
feral dogs, begged my parents fruitlesly to take in stray dogs. And
this, I tried to convince myself, was no different. Nevertheless --

I took a hesitant two steps closer to Astrid and stretched out my arm to 
catch her sleeve, not breaking my gaze with the dog.
"Astrid, sweetie, some dogs aren't very nice dogs... and sometimes bad
dogs hurt people. I'm sure that this doggie is a very nice dog but I
think that, just to be safe, we should probably leave it alone and go
play with -"
The dog let out a low growl but Astrid, deaf to my words, pulled away 
from me and moved closer to the dog, hesitatingly scratching it behind 
its ears. 

I swallowed down another warning and watched anxiously as Astrid
talked quietly to the dog, which waggled its tail obediently, rolling 
onto its back so she could scratch its belly. My anxiety began to fade, 
replaced by fascination by Astrid's power over the animal.
As Astrid finally stood back I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd 
been holding and cleared my throat. "Come on honey," I said quietly.

Astrid turned to smile at me, a smile which at first seemed unfittingly
calm, but before I could puzzle at it, it had transformed into the
childish, beaming grin. I shook away my frown and held out my hand. 
Astrid took it, grinning up at me. "That doggie liked me, Dana," she 
grinned.

"Yeah, he did. But all doggies aren't as... as nice as that one, honey,
so we have to be careful," I explained briskly, kneeling in front of 
Astrid and tugging her coat straight, brushing the flyaway hair down. 
I stood again, glancing across at the dog, who had returned to 
foraging for food, and I patted Astrid on the head. "Go play."

Astrid ran off, joining Joshua on the play equipment. I remained where 
I was for a few minutes, my arms crossed, my eyes ranging over the 
astroturfed area for any potential hazards. I did those sorts of things
unconconsciously, these days.
We were relatively safe here, I knew - most people with only an FBI
salary to live on couldn't afford to live in this area, and it was 
fellow agents mainly that I was worried about. They were the ones
who would recognise Mulder and I, question our socialising together,
notice the kids, perhaps... I wondered what they would say if a
situation did occur. I knew that Mulder and I should have discussed it
but the threat hadn't - and didn't - seem that real. The kids looked
vaguely like Mulder. That could be a bonus. We could pass them off as
some relative of his, that the hopelessly inept at uncle figure had
needed the assistance of his faithful sidekick, Agent Scully...
I laughed softly, shaking my head at the idea. Me, the faithful 
sidekick? Did I really believe that that was all I was? That Mulder
was the superhero and that I came in second? Of course now. Well -

I frowned suddenly, arms crossed tighter as I became aware of the
nip in the air. Shaking my head in dissatisfaction, I glanced around 
again searchingly again. My smile reappeared faintly when I found my 
partner over at the swingset, sitting swinging idly on one of the 
swings, dragging his feet in the dusty, worn ground underneath. I 
stared at him for a moment, my smile growing in skeptical amusement. 
He looked up, as though sensing my eyes on him, and grinned
sheepishly. Then he patted the empty swing beside him suggestively.
I bit back a laugh as I moved over to him, my arms still crossed.
"Are you four, or forty, Mulder?" I queried, a smile dancing on my
lips.

"Neither, thank you very much," he quipped. He flicked his head toward
the empty swing. "C'mon, Scully, don't you remember how much fun it 
was being a kid?"

"Mulder, I think you remember all too well because you're still stuck in 
that phase."

He laughed, as though happily admitting the fact. But then he tilted 
his head to the side and began studying me curiously.
"But, seriously, Scully... don't you ever want to have fun?"

"I do," I protested indignantly, secretly hurt by the question.

He grinned suddenly. "Then prove it."

I stared at him, trying to hide my smile. "No way, Mulder."

"Chicken," he taunted. In what seemed a sleight of hand he caught my
wrist, pulling me close, and then spun me around and pulled me onto his
lap, one arm firmly pinned across my stomach.

"Mulder!!" I protested, laughing hard. "Let me go..."

I wriggled so that I was sideways on his knees, almost like a child in 
his arms, but I was laughing so much that my struggling grew 
increasingly weak, even as Mulder began nuzzling my neck. Actually, 
that was when I gave up struggling to get away.

"This is fun, huh?" His mouth was so close to my ear that I could
feel his hot breath.

"By whose definition?" I shot back, pulling away from him so that I
could stare him directly in the eye, an eyebrow arched challengingly.

"By mine," he said simply, mock-complacent.

I snorted, which I knew was a very un-Scullyish sound. 
"Peter Pan." I didn't just speak the words, I savored them, spitting 
them out in a daringly teasing tone.

"Oohhh! And now we start name calling do we?" He thrust his face into
mine provokingly.

"I wouldn't stoop so low," I declared.

"Oh, admit it, you're just a lousy name-caller!"

We were both enjoying this and we both knew it. My fears of being 
recognised were pointless - nobody would have recognised the soberly
professional Agents Mulder and Scully in the pair of lovebirds on the
swing. I was grinning, one arm slung around Mulder's neck to stop myself
from falling off, the other planted firmly on his chest, balancing
myself. Mulder looked incredibly changed, a broad, cheeky grin replacing 
his usual sardonic smile, eyes twinkling with laughter rather than dark 
with despair and loneliness. I loved it, I loved him, and I loved us.
But, of course, I wasn't going to tell him that right then.

"You sound like a seven-year-old," I said complacently.

"Recycling your arguments already, Scully?"

I laughed, loving being in his arms but realising that we should stop
being so conspicious and check on the kids. "Let me go, Mulder."

"And we're back at square one again!" he announced in a mock-melancholy
tone. I shook with laughter, once again struggling to get out of his
grip. But Mulder had only been precariously balancing the swing and the
sudden movement sent us both toppling to the ground.

My annoyed groan was swallowed up by my giggles. Mulder chuckled,
realising that he was pinning my to the ground, and smiled, leaning 
closer. He laid a finger on my lips and another giggle escaped from me.

"I got a laugh out of you," he announced, grinning.

"You've gotten me high again, Mulder," I accused, chuckling. "Is this 
just a thing that you do? You take girls to parks and weave your magic
love spell and make them laugh until they can't *stop*?"

He smiled, shaking his head. "Just you. You're the only one I want
to make laugh." His expression softened affectionately.

"And that's your mission in life, is it?" My laughter had subsided
and I'd followed his lead, tone softer, still teasing, but less
cutting and more affectionate, intimate. "To make me laugh?" I could 
hear the surprise and wonder in my own voice.

"To make you happy," he confirmed, smiling but without the faintest
trace of teasing.

"And when did you decided that, may I ask?" I murmured. My heart was
beating faster and faster.

His smile wavered and he drew a deep breath. "When I realised I'd
wasted too many years making you unhappy."

My smile faded and I stared at him, unhappy about his massive guilt-
complex. "Mulder," I murmured. I paused, at a loss for words, and then
shrugged. "Thanks," I said quietly. He smiled slightly, moving off me
and pulling me to my feet. I watched him as we brushed ourselves off
silently. I could see that he still looked guilty and unhappy, and it
hurt.
"Mulder?" I caught his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I really mean 
that. Thanks."

His smile was bigger this time, genuinely accepting and grateful.

I released his hand and turned around, scanning the playground for the
kids. They were still playing on the jungle gym - what had seemed to go
on forever between Mulder and I had only been, in reality, a couple of
minutes. Jacqueline, who had been sitting on a low bar in the climbing 
frame suddenly began to climb, scaling it and in a deft movement, 
swinging upsidedown. She grinned at me with the pride of a child in a 
new achievement, and I smiled in return, watching as Astrid tried to
copy her sister on one of the lower bars. I turned slowly away, watching
the family of boys playing soccer, their frisky mutt chasing the ball.
The elderly couple and their labs had left and I discovered that
Mulder had taken their park bench. He was staring at me. 

I discovered that my arms were still crossed tightly, and uncrossed 
them, recalling reading somewhere that it was a defensive gesture. That
wasn't the message I wanted to send out. 
My hands hung limply by my sides as I moved toward him self-consciously.

"Trying to think happy thoughts?" 

Mulder smiled at my opening remark, shifting across on the seat to
make room for me. His arms were spread along the back of the seat and
as I sat down his hand slipped down to my back, rubbing it warmly.
I smiled, letting herself relax at his touch, so comforting, so
comfortable, the very essence of our relationship.

"You know," I began, staring dreamily ahead, "sometimes I think that
laughter is magical."

Mulder chuckled. "That would have to be the most scientific statement
you've ever made, Scully," he murmured sardonically.

"But it is, it is," I insisted, frowning. "It's... it's like alcohol
or drugs, in that you become so uninhibited... but it doesn't have a
downside, no hangover, no addiction. It's a natural high..." I smiled
to myself as I remembered when I'd last heard the phrase, days
ago when I'd recklessly admitted to Jacqueline my feelings for Mulder. 
"It's like fairy dust, or magic spells, but it's real... it's so 
wonderful."

Mulder chuckled softly, nodding. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?" He smiled
ironically as he added, "I just would have never heard Skeptical 
Scientist Scully say something like that."

"Sometimes I like to just be Dana," I murmured, letting myself zone out
a little. I'd never been much of a daydreamer at all, but I was so
relaxed now that it was difficult to not let my thoughts wonder.

Mulder stared at me as though fascinated by the admission. 

"Scully," he murmured suddenly, "Did last night really happen?"

I slowly swung my gaze around to him, smiling. "I don't know, Mulder. 
Did it, or was it just a dream?"

He shook his head with sudden certainty, returning my shy smile. "No,
it wasn't a dream. It did happen."
He edged a little closer to me on the seat, laying a cautious kiss on
my neck. I looked down at him slowly, a smile spreading on my lips.

"It did happen," I echoed. I giggled softly, letting out a peaceful
sigh as I broke eye contact and stared straight ahead again, sinking
back into my reverie.

I was snapped out of my daze a few minutes later when Astrid came flying
at Mulder, letting out a gleeful shriek. She pulled Mulder to his feet
and he protested only half-heartedly as she dragged him away. He managed
to crane his neck to face me, shrugging apologetic, grinning sheepishly.
I smiled, watching as he lifted Joshua up to grab one of the top bars of
the climbing frame firmly, studiously pulling himself up. Mulder hovered
underneath, reading to catch him if he fell while climbing, but Joshua
had a strong grip and good balance. I shook my head in amazement as I
watched, recalling the difficulty with which my nephew had, at age two,
climbed a small gym set in their backyard. To see Joshua climbing here
with such strength and confidence was perplexing and chilling. Only days
ago he had been scared to go down a slide, now he was as agile and
assured as a monkey. Had he really changed that much in the past two 
days? Maybe we all had. Jacqueline was looking more cheerful than
ever, though she seemed a little pale. Astrid was her usual gleeful,
giggling self, running back and forth between Mulder and Jacqueline
with endless energy. And Mulder... The haunted darkness had gone from
his eyes, the wary cynicism from his expression and tone. He looked 
reborn, joyously liberated from some heavy weight. It sent my heart 
soaring. It wasn't just the refreshing innocence of the kids, it was the 
strong connection we had all forged. There was a strong maternal 
protectiveness and possessiveness that I felt that I didn't feel when 
I was minding my nephews and niece, because those children belonged to 
my brothers. But Astrid and Josh and Jacqueline... I felt as though 
they were mine, in some unfounded way. Mine and Mulders. I smiled to 
myself as I remembered our intimacy of the night before. Mulder was 
right. *Had* it really happened? It seemed too wonderful, too surreal, 
to have happened. But it had happened, hadn't it? I'd told him that 
I loved him, but we'd both already known that, known that for years. I
sighed contentedly again. 

Standing, I made my way back over to the swingset, seating myself
and beginning to swing back and forth. Only slowly at first, idly, my
feet dragging a little, my posture relaxed as I breathed in the
chilly air. I made myself go a little higher and laughed suddenly,
making myself go higher and higher until I was flying through the
air, the wind in my face, tugging my hair from its loose ponytail
until it streamed out behind me. I laughed in exhilaration. Higher,
higher, higher. Mulder was right, it did bring back memories of my
childhood. It made me feel young and so, so free, freedom that pumped
energy through my veins. I glanced down to see Mulder and found that
he was gazing at me.
"Now who's being a seven year old?" he shouted up at me, grinning 
slyly.

I only laughed, pushing harder. He could call me whatever he wanted,
I didn't care. I felt alive.
Eventually I came back down to earth, literally and figuratively,
letting myself swing back and forth slowly again, catching my breath
and letting my pulse gradually regulate.

I smiled at Mulder as he approached me, taking hid hands as he 
extended them, letting him pull me to my feet, close against him.
I giggled in surprise. "Are we going to dance?"

He grinned at me. "Out in public, Ms Scully? My, aren't we daring."

"Yes, we're awfully brave." I assumed the same mock-British accent,
grinning at him calmly despite the fact that my heart was beating with
rapidly increasing speed. I wondered how close we could get, how
long we could be intimate for before he no longer did this to me.
At the rate we were going, it could be years. Thank God.

He leaned in to kiss me - as always, he was hesitant, cautious of
putting a foot wrong. But he needn't have been worried. I welcomed
the kiss, a shy and infinitely tender kiss but not one entirely lacking 
passion. It represented the uniqueness of our relationship: fierce 
loyalty and affection, respect, attraction, acknowledgement of 
sexuality, the sexual tension which had been there since the beginning
of our partnership.

"We are daring," I whispered, grinning.

"Terribly brave," he concurred. 

We both chuckled softly, drawing together again. Aware of the fact
that we were in a public place but only on a semi-conscious level,
neither of us wanted to let go and so we didn't, except to come up
for air. It was only when hands were beginning to roam that I drew
away from him. 
"There are limits," I whispered, regretful. I licked my lips and
extracted myself from his grip, smoothing my clothes and hair.

He nodded, sheepish. There was an odd tension between the two of us
for a few long seconds as we both pondered the after effects of that
kiss. The first one had been coming for a long time, but neither of us
had really considered what happened afterward. How fast or how slow,
how much we would alter our relationship. How much we would risk.

I drew a deep breath. "We should get going." 

We were quiet as we gathered the kids, subdued by the after effects
of our actions. It was Astrid who brought our smiles back, proudly
showing us her muddy dark blue slacks where she had finally broken 
through the worn knees.

"That's it, we're off to the mall!" I announced briskly. I caught 
Mulder's eye and shrugged coyly. I'd been toying with the idea of
getting the kids some new clothes the past day or two. I don't think I'd
seen any of them wearing anything more colourful than dark blue or 
green, and I had wonderful visions of Astrid dressed in a pink dress
with ribbons and bows and lace. I knew how maternal I was being about
these kids, but it was irresistible. 
I could feel Mulder's eyes on me the whole time for the next hour as
Jacqueline and I searched through children's clothing stores, sorting
through the colorful, coordinated outfits. Astrid seemed as thrilled
about it as I was, dancing around in the clothes we dressed her in.
Although I didn't end up finding that pink dress I'd imagined her in,
when we finally left the store Astrid looked adorable in red cord 
overalls and a striped red, yellow, green and blue t-shirt underneath.
She and Joshua had matching blue and green coats, and under it he wore a
dinosaur print t-shirt and little blue cord pants with green cuffs.
The store was pricey but I didn't care. It wasn't like I ever had the
opportunity to spend my money on anybody other than myself.
Macy's was having a sale and I dragged Jacqueline off, leaving the kids
with Mulder. I hadn't had this much energy for shopping since my teens.
Jacqueline hesitantly picked out a close-knit sweater in a rich 
chocolate brown while I picked out a bulkier, loose-knit one for myself
in a deep blue. It looked as if the experience was new to Jacqueline,
as if she'd had little choice over her clothing in the past. She looked
like a kid in a candy store for the first time, awed and insecure.
We returned to where we'd left Mulder and the kids and found the spot
empty. I spotted the three of them standing outside a toyshop, all three
faces pressed against the window, watching the mechanical display with
fascination. We pulled them away and all settled down in a small coffee
shop for lunch. I didn't realise how hyperactive I'd been until I 
finally sat down and began to relax as I sipped at my coffee. I felt
a rush of tiredness as the adrenalin wore off, became increasingly aware
of my sore feet. Mulder and I had slept in a little this morning, but I
still felt like I was twelve and I'd just gotten home from a sleepover
where I'd had three hours sleep. Mulder was quiet - he looked content,
I thought, a faint smile on his lips as he looked across at me. Apart
from a little murmured teasing we were quiet through lunch. Astrid, 
even more lively than usual, if such a thing was possibly, compensated
for our quiet. She talked endlessly, unable to keep still. Jacqueline
sat in the middle of her siblings, listening patiently to Astrid's
ramblings and at the same time to Joshua as he told her all about the
different dinosaurs depicted on his new t-shirt. I felt a mix of envy
and admiration for her, envy at the way the kids clung to her, the
forwardness that Joshua displayed only when her. But at the same time I
admired her immensely, that she could deal with them with so much ease.
Her maternal skills were incredible, her tact and strength reminding me
of my own mom. But Jacqueline was only fifteen.

We returned to my place around three in the afternoon, by which time the
kids had worn themselves out. Joshua fell asleep in the car, and I 
carried a sleepy Astrid into my apartment. In many ways, they were just
like normal little kids. They had boundless energy, but they needed 
sleep to function, just like the rest of us. 

Mulder and I went into my bedroom, leaving Jacqueline to read quietly
on the couch.
We took our bundles of case notes, intending to run through them again
while we could concentrate in the uncommonly quiet apartment. I don't
know how we ended up concentrating more on each other, but we shared a
few chaste, giggling kisses, and it was only the knowledge that the kids
weren't far away that prevented us from going further. Well, maybe it
was our own insecurities as well. We were still coming to terms with the
events of the night before and their significance.

Our afternoon as spent quietly once the kids woke. The laundry pile was
high and I sent Mulder and Jacqueline down to the basement laundromat.
I was still paranoid enough to not want to leave any of the kids by
themselves, and it wasn't exactly worth all five of us troopsing down 
there to do laundry. Besides, I had other plans.

Astrid, Joshua and I baked cookies.

Yes, I know it was an incredibly homey idea, even corny. But I couldn't
resist. One of my strongest childhood memories was of sitting on the
kitchen counter, helping Mom make cookies, measuring out the flour and
sugar with excruciating carefulness. I felt sure that Joshua and Astrid
had never had a chance to do that and I wanted to give it to them.
I couldn't remember the last time I had had so much fun doing something
so simple. They helped measure and add in the ingredients eagerly,
fighting over the jobs, getting flour everywhere, all over the counter
and the floor and themselves. But I didn't care. It was glorious fun.
Watching them, I was filled with joy, a form of pride. There'd been a
dull ache in my heart, a heaviness that even Mulder's loving care hadn't
been able to shift. That empty void now was filled, overflowing, making
me feel blissfully happy, incredibly content. The only pain left was
the unwelcome knowledge that our time of happiness was running out. But
I shoved that back in my mind, refusing to let it intrude on our 
happiness. There would be plenty of time for unhappiness and grieving
later, but not now. 
Mulder returned with one load of clean clothes, still warm from the 
dryer, and I folded them, letting Astrid direct me as to whose clothes
were whose. It had been years since I'd seen so much laundry in my home.
Astrid and Joshua were arranging the folded clothes into neat piles,
Mulder's, mine, Jacqueline's, Astrid's and Josh's. Daddy, Mommy, big
sister, middle sister, baby brother... I shook the thought away. No way.
I couldn't torture myself with thoughts like that. 

Our cookies were forgotten about when Astrid pulled Josh and I into a 
game of hide and seek, and I spent the next five minutes scraping the
burnt bits off the rock-solid cookies. Astrid and Josh were proud of 
their cooking anyway, and when Mulder and Jacqueline returned with the 
second and last load of fresh washing, they were immediately confronted 
with proffered cookies. I shrugged sheepishly as Mulder bit into one and 
tried to hide his grimace.

Astrid and Joshua settled down in front of the TV, slowly chewing their
way through several cookies each. Jacqueline returned to her book, and
it seemed that we'd all settled down for the night. It was just half-
past five, though, and I really wanted to give the kids just one last
treat. I didn't want our fun to be over yet.

I hunted through a local paper, wishing it was school vacation time.
There would be plenty of things on specifically designed for kids. I
was about to give up when I flipped over the page and saw an ad for a
children's theatre. It was a small but lively place I'd taken my nephew
to years ago, desperate to postpone the fourth watching of 'Babe' for at 
least a few hours. I checked through the session times and then glanced
down at my watch. They ran several sessions per day on weekends, but,
understandably, the latest session they had on Sunday nights was a six
to seven, a pantomime of Little Red Riding Hood. It was now a quarter to
six, and the theatre was only a ten minute walk away.

I tore out the ad and jumped up, announcing to everybody that we were
going out.

Mulder looked up from his laptop. "Now?" he blinked.

Astrid jumped up enthusiastically. "Where, Dana? Where are we going?"

"My secret." I grinned childishly, holding out their coats. "Come on, we 
have to hurry."


         - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- MULDER POV -

We ended up arriving just after the show started, sneaking in the back.
I'd never been in a place like this before. It was a small auditorium
with a stage up the front and a large area of carpeted floor packed with
awed kids. The sight at so many kids brought me to a halt, and Scully
and Jacqueline practically had to drag me to a seat in the rows of
chairs for parents up the back as Astrid and Joshua squeezed in beside
the wall near the front, sitting cross-legged like all the others, soon
enthralled by the story. I watched them for a few moments, then turned
my attention to Scully, who was sitting to my right. Jacqueline was on
her right, and seemed as fascinated by the story as the kids were,
watching with avid interest. As usual, Scully and I managed to absorb
ourselves in a world of our own, whispering to each other throughout
the lengthy pantomime, deafened to the joyous shouts of the little
kids in the audience.

"Is it me, or does Little Red Riding Hood look exactly like Kersch's
secretary?" I murmured in Scully's ear.

"That would make sense, cos that wolf sounds suspiciously like Kersch
himself," was her giggled response.

There was a pizza house across the street from the theatre and we
settled in there for dinner. It was a casual, laid back place, with 
several tables, a combined bar-lounge area with two pool tables and a 
pinball machine. There was a jukebox in the corner and Astrid kept 
delightedly feeding into it quarters she'd coaxed from me. I'd been 
eying up the pool table during our meal, and when the two lanky 
teenagers who'd been playing a game there finished I jumped up, dragging
Scully over to the table. 

She grinned at me. "Oh, I don't know, Mulder... Could you show me how to 
play?" she smiled suggestively.
I think we were both remembering our experience with baseball. Her
laughter had rung in my ears for days after that when I'd remembered
that glorious night. I think we were both keen for another lesson, but
our work schedules didn't exactly give us much time to go play baseball.
We had to settle for snooker. 
Not that it was anything less than wonderful. We spent the next ten
minutes with my arms around her, my hands on hers on the cue. I inhaled
her scent as I nuzzled against her, murmuring teasingly in her ear. We
finally - and reluctantly - pulled apart and began an actual game, in
which she proceeded to kick my ass with a series of tricky but 
brilliantly executed shots. She sunk the black ball and smiled up at me,
spinning the cue in her hands. "I win," she said simply.

I grinned, moving closer to her and fastening my hands over her little
ones. "I think you already knew how to play, you little liar," I 
whispered.

She grinned. "I knew how to play baseball, too."

It was my turn to sound playfully smug. "I know."

"You know?" Her expression was genuinely surprised and I laughed.

"I spoke to your mom about it a week before we played."
Actually, I spoke to her mom a lot more than I thought she knew. 
More than I called my own mom.

"And you didn't say anything even when I claimed not to have ever pl-"

I put a finger on her lips, smiling. "I think we both know that that 
night wasn't just about playing baseball."

"Yeah," she agreed softly. She was smiling shyly and I snuck my arm 
around her waist, pulling her against me tightly for a minute, laying a
kiss on her hair.


         - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- SCULLY POV -

Mulder paid the check and the five of us stepped out into the street. It
was only a short walk back to my place, but the sidewalks were busy and
Joshua, tired, kept stumbling. Jacqueline picked him up, but barely a
block later, I could see that she was strugling to hold him and keep up
a steady pace. She looked exhausted. We stopped at a set of lights and
I held out my arms to her silently. She passed him over readily, giving
me a brief, tired smile as she let her limp arms fall to her sides.
Astrid pouted up at Mulder implicitly and he picked her up. I could see
that he smiled despite himself as she slipped her arms around his neck
and pressed her face against his shoulder with a yawn. It was so utterly
sweet.

By the time we'd reached my apartment only a few minutes later, Josh
had fallen asleep and Astrid was dozing in Mulder's arms. Jacqueline
lay down on the couch as soon as we entered my apartment and so Mulder
and I dressed the still half-asleep kids for bed, tucking them in. I
smiled wistfully as I watched Mulder talking quietly to Astrid as he
tucked her in. He seemed to have a growing attachment to the kids, and
I wasn't sure yet whether that was something I was happy about or not.
It would only make the inevitable goodbyes harder for all of us...

I shook the thought away and knelt beside Jacqueline, a stab of concern
at her unhealthy pallor. I laid a hand on her forehead and winced. It
was ice-cold, beads of sweat running along her hairline.

Jacqueline opened her eyes with a faint murmur. "I'm fine, Dana," she
muttered, drawing a shallow, tired breath.

Yeah, right, as if I'm going to believe that one.
"You're not well," I said quietly. "Do you feel sick? It could be some 
reaction to the pizza, like last -"

"I didn't have any dinner." Jacqueline cut me off, letting her eyes
shut heavily again. "I didn't want to, in case it made me sick again..."
she trailed off, but then jolted herself awake, pulling herself upright
on weak limbs. 

I stood, unconvinced. "I can make something for you..." I offered. 
"There's plenty of food in the fridge."

"It's okay, really," Jacqui insisted. "I'm not hungry." She stood, 
swaying on her feet for a moment, grabbing the corner of the couch for
balance. I knew I was studying her with the eyes of a doctor and I think
she recognised that look. "I'm fine," she said again, almost 
defensively.

She pushed past me and I let her go, unconvinced and concerned. I think
I realised then for the first time how frustrating a very unconvincing
"I'm fine" was to deal with. 

I sighed, telling myself that it was probably just the excitement of
the day and her tiredness. We were all worn out. I let the matter rest
and made some coffee. Mulder had returned to his laptop, settled down 
at the kitchen table with the phone cable trailed across from the wall.
I hoped my mom wasn't trying to get through. Not that I really wanted to
talk to her at the moment. I couldn't tell her about this situation yet,
not until it was over. But I hated having to keep the truth from her. It
felt so dishonest and made me feel guilty. Maybe it was a good thing 
that Mulder was tying up my phoneline.
I set down a coffee mug beside him, standing just behind him and rubbing
his back as I read what was on his laptop screen. Both actions were
unplanned, but they came naturally. If Mulder was doing anything to do
with the case, I wanted to know about it.
It turned out that he was reading the latest edition of The Lone Gunman
in electronic copy, with the blaring headline of 'Secret Government 
Files Housed in Ex-President's Hidden Bank Vault!'. I smiled, patting
him on the back and moving on.
It had begun to rain outside and the pleasant pitter-patter of the rain
was soothing. I slipped into my bedroom, settling down in one of my
favorite spots on the floor beside the window, resting my back against
the side of my bed as I sipped my coffee. I knew I probably shouldn't be
drinking it at that time of night, but it was just what I needed.
I loved sitting watching the rain. It was falling at an angle, drops
splashing against the window panes. It was dark in my bedroom except for
the subdued rays of street lights from outside. I sighed contentedly,
stretching out my legs and wiggling my toes. I could remember sitting 
there two weeks ago, a lonely woman with pent-up frustration about the
invariableness of my life. As much as I'd loved Mulder and loved our
work, I'd reached the point in my life when I craved more. Now I felt
as though I'd finally gotten what I'd craved, as though I'd found the
myself in the life I'd imagined for myself at thirty-five, a tender
relationship with a man I respected and loved beyond all, and three
clever children not cursed with my hair color. But I'd never imagined
myself so suddenly being thrown headfirst into such a situation, 
juggling an ususual romance with an ususual man and raising a set of
unique kids at once.
Not that I was exactly raising these kids, I had to remind myself with
a pang of hopelessness. Mulder and I were just babysitters acting out
a fantasy, because we knew we could never have the real thing ourselves.
I winced and tried to shake away the feeling of the impending end of our
happiness. I didn't want to think about that at all. I wanted to live in
our fantasy for just a little while longer before I had to face the hard
truth.
So I turned my thoughts to Mulder, the way he smiled, the way he teased, 
the way he kissed. I smiled to myself. Thinking about Mulder was like
snuggling into a warm, soft comforter, wrapping myself in it, revelling
in the warmth and security.
I hugged my knees against me, letting my chin rest on my knees as I
stared, unfocused, out the window. I sensed his presence in the room but
didn't turn, staring dreamily ahead as he slipped down beside me on the
floor, our shoulders and hips touching, his long legs stretched out to 
touch the window with his toes. I could feel the heat of his body 
against mine and I snuggled closer to him, letting out a satisfied sigh
as I rested my head on his shoulder. The caffein in the coffee hadn't
kicked in yet and I felt sleepy.

"I like to watch the rain," I confided, smiling dreamily.

He slipped his arm around my shoulders and kissing my forehead. 
"You're just a little kid at heart," he teased affectionately.

I chuckled. "Everybody is." I grasped his hand, which was on my upper
arm, and turned it over, rolling up his sleeve a little to see the time. 
It was just past nine-thirty.
"I'm going to get ready for bed," I said quietly. "It's been a long 
day."

He nodded, letting my slip out of his grip, picking up my empty coffee
mug carefully and moving past him. 

I left the kitchen light off as I rinsed out my mug, not wanting to 
disturb the sleeping children, and in the darkness I stubbed my big toe
on the table leg. I cursed quietly, hopping around and wincing even as
I tried to tell myself not to be such a baby. I'd suffered a lot worse
pain and I'd dealt with it in a far more mature way than I did this.
Shaking my head at my own behaviour, I checked the kids. Joshua and
Astrid were asleep - you could have heard Astrid snoring from a mile 
away. Jacqueline was sleeping, but not so soundly. She'd kicked off her
blanket and the sleeves of her pajama shirt were rolled up awkwardly.
Frowning, I laid a hand on her clammy forehead. It was enough to make
her stir, her eyes fluttering open. She let out a small groan when she
saw me. I must have had my anxiety written all over my face.

"I'm fine," she murmured. Her eyes closed again and she rolled over, 
clearly refusing to have any discussion with me on the subject.

"Jacqueline..." I tried. Then I sighed. "If you feel any worse, just get
me immediately, okay?"

There was a muffled murmur which I could only assume was a yes, and I
reluctantly stood. "'Night, Jacqui."

I didn't get a response, and I couldn't tell if Jacqueline's shallow
breathing was a result of sleep or whether she was just ignoring me.
I didn't know which theory I preferred. If Jacqueline was getting sick
for some reason the last thing we needed was for her to shut me out.
It was something I thought about as I prepared for bed, taking a quick
shower to wash away the accumulated dirt and sweat from the day. I was
in bed reading when Mulder crawled in beside me, smelling equally fresh
and clean, still wet from the shower, the t-shirt that clung to him
absorbing the droplets on his skin. I quickly switched off my bedside
light, tearing my gaze away from him, and silently questioning whether
sleeping in the same bed was a good idea when I was looking at him like
that. But I shook the idea away. We were both responsible adults. We'd
managed to work together for six years without giving in to impulses.
We could manage this fine.
I dropped my book down on my bedside table and wiggled down between the
sheets, smiling in the darkness as Mulder's arms reached for me, pulling
me against him in a warm embrace. The winds were picking up speed 
outside, and the rain stopped for a few seconds before we heard the 
first crack of lightning and it came poring down. I listened to the
rain beating down on the roof with a blissful smile, relishing the 
comfort and companionship. Normally storms were depressing, emphasizing
my loneliness. But right now, I felt untouchable, blissfully happy and
secure. I know that Mulder felt the same way, because he fell asleep
before I did, a contented smile on his lips. I was just drifting off 
when an incredibly loud crack of lightning, followed by an echoing
rumble of thunder, snapped me back to full alertness. I grimaced, 
sighing heavily, and letting my eyes close again. I was tired, and I 
just wanted to sleep in Mulder's arms.

Then I felt a heavy weight land on my back, accompanied by a shriek of
"Daayyyyyyyyyna!! Fox!!" I groaned as Astrid climbed off my back, 
shaking my shoulder urgently. Mulder had been woken and had withdrawn
his arms, and I rolled over, blinking, so that I could look up at her.
"What is it, Astrid?" I think my tone was a little more irritated than
usual, but she didn't notice.

"Daynaaaaa!" Astrid wailed, bouncing on the bed. "It's scareeeeeeeee..."

"It's just a storm, sweetie," I mumbled. Sleep was beckoning again. 
"Just go back to sleep. It can't hurt you..."

Astrid sniffed. Her lower lip trembled. Tears formed in her eyes,
threatening to spill. Sighing, I lifted the covers, letting Astrid creep 
into the bed between the two of us. Astrid let out a happy, bouncy 
giggle. I sighed.
Any idea of sleep temporarily postponed, I gently and indulgently teased 
Astrid about her fear of the storm, tickling her affectionately to 
distract her from the loud gale outside. The worst of it was over in ten 
minutes and soon after Astrid fell asleep, snoring loudly, between the 
two of us. I lay on my side side stroking Astrid's limp hair wistfully.

I looked over her to meet Mulder's eyes and we both smiled.
"Goodnight, Mulder," I whispered.

He smiled wistfully and blew me a kiss. "'Night."


      - - - - } - - - - } - - @        t h e   x - f i l e s 

- STILL SCULLY POV -

I groaned at the loud, insistent beeping of my alarm clock, fumbling to
switch it off, end the hateful noise that was signalling the end of our
blissful weekend, the end of our game of happy families. I didn't want
to be told that it was time for a reality check. I closed my eyes tight.
Mulder bent over me, kissing my cheek with a mumbled good morning as
he dragged himself out of bed. "I've got first shower."

I wasn't going to argue. I lay in bed for several minutes before I could
convince myself to get up, running my hands through my hair, kicking at
a pile of yesterday's dirty clothes that I'd been too lazy to put in the
hamper.

Out in the living room Astrid and Joshua were sitting directly in front
of the tv, and I was surprised how unconsciously the phrase "Don't sit 
so close to the TV" came out of my mouth. It was something my parents 
had always told me, as parents have told their children since TV was
first invented. 

In the kitchen, I poured myself some orange juice and splashed my face
with cold tap water, trying to wake myself up. My muscles ached as I
stretched them and I winced. I found Jacqueline still asleep on the 
couch, looking more peaceful, and I resolved to let her sleep, admiring
the good sense Astrid and Joshua had shown in leaving her, even turning
down the volume of the TV. Oh. Maybe that was why they were sitting so
close...

I could hear the sudden shudder that ran through the old pipes as Mulder
suddenly cut the water and I bit my lip apprehensively as I thought 
about going to work. The idea felt awkward, unnatural, that work was
still exactly the same, when it seemed like everything else in my life
had changed. Like returning to the same school after we'd moved house
during vacation. I'd been changed by the past week and I felt insecurity
about whether or not I would still fit in. Well, as much as I ever 
really had. I'd changed a lot. This taste of motherhood had been 
addictive. But I'd get over, I knew I would, just like I'd gotten over
losing Emily, and -
I frowned at an unwelcome, niggling question in my brain. *Had* I really
gotten over losing Emily? Had I really gotten over any of my suffering?
Or had I just pushed it so far down that I'd managed to convince myself
that I had dealt with it and accepted it? Was my strong attachment to
Astrid and Joshua a way of dealing with my loss of Emily, my inability
to have children? The questions were unwelcome and I tried to shrug
off the dark mood they had brought. 
"Don't go there, Dana," I whispered to myself, fiercely warning. I 
managed to bring my thoughts back to our current situation, putting
steel barriers up in my mind to keep it on track. We were going to work
today, and we were going to arrange a meeting with Skinner. We'd agreed
to tell Skinner today, to seek his opinion and his help. But...
I frowned. The idea jarred. I moved quickly, rapping on the bathroom 
door. "Mulder?"

"It's unlocked," he called. I felt a tinge of surprise at his level of
comfort in my home. Living in a big family had taught me the lifelong
habit of locking the bathroom door to prevent siblings barging in 
without knocking.

I turned the knob hesitantly. Mulder was standing in front of the mirror 
in dress pants and an undershirt, shaving.

Pushing down my sudden inpulse to slide my arms around him in a tight 
hug, I sat down uncomfortably on the rim of the bath and watched him for
a second, having last minute indecisions. Then I plunged ahead. 
"We need to talk about Skinner."

He half turned to look at me. "What about Skinner?"

Again, I hesitated for a moment, wondering briefly whether I was just 
letting my paranoia blur my belief. Then I drew a deep breath. "I don't 
think we can trust him with this."

He didn't answer immediately. In fact, he didn't answer for several 
seconds. It only made me more anxious.

"Well?" I demanded. I tried to calm the tightening knot in my stomach
with deep breaths but it didn't work. I couldn't help feeling so 
incredibly anxious about what was going to happen to the kids. 
They were our responsibility, we had to protect them. I didn't trust
Skinner, and I wasn't willing to hand the kids over to anybody I didn't
trust.

"There's not really any other option, is there, Scully?" he asked
finally. I could see his grim reflection in the mirror. 

"It just seems that..." I winced, trying to explain myself. "You said 
yourself that you weren't so sure that we could trust him anymore... And 
- and what could he do, anyway? How could he keep these kids safe any 
better than we've been doing?"

Mulder turned to face me, rubbing his face dry with a towel. "So what
are you saying, Scully?" His voice lacked the gentle teasing note that
had warmed my heart and was instead jarringly demanding and tired, as
though he had already explored the same paths in his own mind endless
times.

"I'm saying that just need to be incredibly careful. If those kids fall
into the wrong hands... Mulder, these are *children* that we're talking
about here. They need to be protected."

"But not by us," he shot back with sudden anger. "Damnit, Scully, these
aren't our kids. They're not yours. And you have to accept that and
stop stalling. We *agreed* to wait until Monday. That was what you said,
remember? 'Just this weekend', that was what you said."

His anger stung and I fought back the pain it caused. My anger flared,
and I hated him for what he was saying, hated it because I knew it was
right.

"I don't trust him," I said thickly, my lips set, arms crossed tightly.
My voice was choked up with anger and I was fighting to keep tears at 
bay. "And I don't give a damn what you or anybody else says, because 
somebody needs to stick up for these kids and make sure they don't spend 
the rest of their lives as medical guinea pigs!" I almost broke and had
to clench my teeth hard as I shook with anger.

"Scully, look at yourself," he pleaded, warning. "You're losing focus.
You can't lose focus."

"Lose focus of *what*?!" I demanded, frustrated and humiliated.

"The real world!!"

"The *real* world?" I let out a shaky, heavy sigh, snorted cynically. 
"To hear *you* of all people, saying that..."

Mulder sighed heavily, letting his arms fall limply to his sides, as if
too tired to argue any more. "Scully, you're becoming too emotionally 
attached..." His anger had drained away and he spoke with tired 
certainty, his eyes softening, pleading with me.

I was shaking my head in disbelief, still shaking, vaguely aware that 
warm tears were slipping down my cheeks but beyond caring. "How can you 
say that?" I whispered. The quiet, hurt, dull anger between us now was 
worse than the passionate shouting only a minute before. The tension 
hung heavily between us, keeping us apart. "Mulder, you were the one 
leading me into that world," I whispered unhappily. "The more you 
kissed me and made me feel loved, the more I wanted to stay there..." 

"You can't stay there, Scully." His voice was quiet and stern but
apologetic, wistful. "I'm sorry, but you can't."

My anger resurfaced rebelliously. "Don't you tell me what to do," I 
threatened. Tears were still streaming down my cheeks but I didn't care. 
"I'll do what I see is *right*, just like I always have. And if you 
don't like it you can damn well get out!" 
I regretted the words as soon as they'd left my mouth and hugged myself
tightly, not wanting to meet his eyes and see the impact of my stupid,
cutting words.

"Is this what it's come to?" His tone was almost conversational, bitter
and dry. I knew what he was doing because I'd seen him do it so many 
times before. He was using sarcasm to mask deep hurt. I looked up at him 
and that was enough to pierce his armour. He swallowed, holding my gaze 
unhappily, his shields down. "Seven years together, Scully... Are these
kids more important to you than the last seven years?"

I felt sick. The enormity of the emotions that were swamping me was
overwhelming. I sank back down on the edge of the bath and rested my
head in my hands, drawing shallow, shaky breaths. My head swam.
I forced myself to look up at him and tried to speak, but no words 
would come out. I just shook my head, sucking in a deep breath to hold
back sobs. Mulder quietly moved toward me and I fell against him, 
slipping my arms around his neck as Astrid might have, pressing my face 
into the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry, Scully," he whispered. He sounded guilty and ashamed, and
I wondered why. Was he guilty because he'd made me cry? I cursed myself
for the show of weakness even as I tightened my grip on him.

"You matter most, Mulder," I whispered. "You know that."

"I know that, I know that," he reassured comfortingly.
He drew away, kneeling on the tiles before me and taking my hands,
lacing them through his own. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, Scully. I'm
not sorry about what happened this weekend. But it had to end sometime."

"Did it?" I looked up at him, unhappy. I didn't want to accept that.
Did it really have to end? How come everything good in my life always
had to end? It was unfair. There was no justice in it all. The good
things ended but the bad things never did, they never went away. I
hated it, hated it with all my being.

"Yes, it did," he confirmed sadly. His gaze was as unhappy and weary
as my own. He rubbed his thumb over mine gently, looking pleadingly 
up at me. But I turned away and withdrew my hand from his grip. I didn't
want to touch him, not then. 

"You can call Skinner," I said tonelessly. I paused at the doorway,
half turned, but then thought the better of it, leaving, closing the
door gently after myself, and leaning with my back to the closed door
for a moment as I tried to compose herself, stop myself from shaking. 
I was about to slip into my bedroom when I saw Jacqueline standing at 
the other end of the hallway, hovering anxiously. I took a few steps 
toward her, arms crossed. "I guess you heard that, huh?"

Jacqueline half-shrugged. "Sounded bad," she said briefly, licking her
lips nervously. "You were talking about us, right? Arguing about what
to do with us?"

"Yes," I admitted, meeting Jacqueline's gaze honestly. She nodded 
slowly. I turned and went into my bedroom, closing the door after me
and sinking down with my back against it.


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